Chapter 21 Chapter 20 My mother in my hometown always thought I was doing well

County F to deliver the goods is my hometown, and I hesitated whether to go back to my hometown to have a look. The last time I went back was during the Spring Festival in 2003.At that time, although my situation was bad, it was not extreme, and I still pretended to be complacent in front of my parents. Later, I dared not go back, because I knew that I could no longer pretend. Have you ever seen the silent farmers under the TV camera?They will not follow the director's instructions to put on a smiling face at all, and life has already made them lose their interest in acting. I, is such a state of mind.It's just that I'm performing in front of my parents.

But I miss them. When I think about them, I think about my current situation.I want to do something for them, but I don't have the ability.This gap is heartbreaking. After a long time, I became numb, and when I occasionally thought of it, I immediately changed my mind.It's just that throbbing in my heart is pulling my nerves. This time I went to County F in the direction of my home. I can't pass through the house without entering. I can't do it. I have to go home and have a look. I delivered the goods in County F, and after driving for more than an hour, I finally stood at the intersection of the village.

This familiar path seems to still be echoing with the laughter of my childhood friends and me. Those joys, those familiar smells in the air touched my soul one after another. Now, I am a wanderer, I am a wandering wanderer, standing in the strong nostalgia. My mother was cutting pigweed in the cauliflower field by the roadside, her gray hair fluttering in the wind, her stooped body like a bow. This is her life. I wanted to call out "Mom", but it was rolling in my throat and I couldn't say it.I coughed lightly. Mother turned around, and after a moment of surprise, her face was as bright as a chrysanthemum.

I walked over, took the sickle in my mother's hand, and helped cut the pigweed, tears falling down in big drops. For the first time in years, I cried.No amount of tears can wash away this guilt towards her mother. At night, under the dim light, I talked with my parents. When my mother heard that I was delivering goods to County F, she was very happy. "The business has come to County F? You are getting more and more prosperous." Mother said. I smiled wryly. I would rather my mother scold me, scold me for being worthless, scold me for being a prodigal, even if she scolds me with the most ugly words, it doesn't matter.

I was afraid that my mother would praise me, and those words of praise pierced my heart like a sharp knife. You are a bastard to begin with, and you can only enjoy the treatment of a bastard. And I was like wearing the emperor's new clothes.Only I know this new dress is fake, but others look beautiful. Many times, when we go home and leave home, we are in a hurry, for fear of staying at home for an extra day.I was afraid in my heart, afraid that if I stayed at home for one more day, I would lose the chance to survive in the city for one more day. In fact, our haste is nothing more than a little psychological comfort for ourselves.

Me too, so I decided to go back to City C tomorrow. I failed to make it.My cousin passed away. Uncle Tang lost his wife in middle age and only had one daughter. He recruited a son-in-law who came to visit him. Both of them were working in Guangdong. He is actually a lonely old man. When my uncle was dying, only my father and I were by his side.At the moment when he died, there was a tear of love for the world in the corner of his eyes. No one wants to die, no matter how hard life is.To live is to have hope! Hearing that Uncle Tang passed away, all the neighbors who stayed behind in the village rushed over.Everyone helped to carry Uncle Tang's body to the main room, and then began to talk about the funeral.

It seemed like it was their own business, and everyone contributed enthusiastically.They just want to give the dead one last bit of comfort. A manager was quickly recommended, who was Uncle Niu in the village, who was in charge of coordinating and arranging the funeral of Uncle Tang. In our rural areas, there is such a manager for red and white matters. But manpower is really a problem.Basically, there is no working man in the village.There used to be a lot of people in our village, more than a hundred people, but now there are only a dozen old people and a few children at home, and three or four women who can barely be considered mature.Everyone else went to work.

Large tracts of fields are barren, and weeds are growing wildly. I was very worried about my uncle's funeral, because with the manpower available in the village, I couldn't even lift the coffin up the mountain. Uncle Niu seemed to have a plan in mind. He arranged for the old people who stayed in the village to call their younger generations and invite them to go home. I also called my cousin-in-law.The cousin-in-law said that they would come back as quickly as possible. One after another, people came back.These kind people are always there for you when you need them. One of my cousins ​​was digging coal in a coal mine.He said that one day of delay would cost more than 100 yuan in income.But they didn't reveal even the slightest complaint. In their view, the death of a person in the village is a big deal, and no amount of money can be earned. They have to come back to help.

Almost all those who were able to come back have returned, and the sad atmosphere permeates the village, but it is also inevitably mixed with some excitement. The most talked about topic is money.And when it comes to money, people will always bring me up, saying that I have a family in a big city, and my wife is from the city, so I must be rich. I am calm on the surface, but I am extremely embarrassed in my heart. If they learn about my real life, it will completely subvert the image of me in their hearts.I was suddenly frightened, afraid of the surprise that the bubbles would burst. Then, design your life according to their imagination!

Uncle Tang's body was buried in a vegetable field he had found during his lifetime.The moment it fell to the ground, my cousin screamed and cried. The dearest person will soon be buried in the soil, and heaven and man will be separated forever. There are many complicated pains in my heart, and they all vent wantonly at that moment. I saw tears in my father's eyes, with a desolate expression, as if he had aged a lot. My father is old, almost 70 years old.I was suddenly full of tension and anxiety, afraid that that day would come to me prematurely.I am not ready yet. And this day will come sooner or later, but I never let my father and mother enjoy a day of happiness.

I don't want to and can't leave this regret.