Chapter 16 third quarter

School was closed on Saturday, so I went to Yamada's house.I had already called her beforehand to ask her to prepare 30,000 yen for me, so it was easy for her to raise the money. On the back side of the store is Yamada's home, with a small yard. Yamada often came to Suzuki's house, so I knew all my family members, and in the end, my brother talked closer than me. It was the first time I came to Yamada's room. Her room is on the first floor, and if you open the window, you can directly go down to the courtyard.Yamada's room is uniformly decorated in yellow, with a clown music box on the stereo and a jigsaw puzzle hanging on the wall.

There is also a computer in the room, and I heard from Yamada that I can still access the Internet. There is a dog pen in the backyard, and it turns out that Yamada also keeps dogs.I had heard before that it was a mongrel called a Mapin, but this was the first time I had seen it with my own eyes.This is not a tattoo, but a real dog. I put on the sandals by the window and looked at Ma Bin lying in the shadow of the dog pen, but I didn't expect him to look back at me impatiently with a look of "what are you doing?" From my left arm came the menacing bark of a dog, which Pochi had a habit of barking whenever another dog approached.This may not be a provocation, but just tell the other party that this is my territory.He treats the surface of my body as his territory, and whenever other dogs try to get close, he wants to drive them away.It's a pity that Pochi's voice doesn't seem loud enough. Of course, it's only three centimeters long, which is one of the reasons, but its barking sound is like a child trying to be brave.

Ma Bin completely ignored Pochi's cry and closed his eyes lazily. "So all three of them never found out they had cancer?" I nodded to Yamada.Shigeo, his father, always thought he really had a stomach ulcer, while Misae and Kaoru thought they just had a cold.But all three of them knew that the two they thought they had had cancer and had only half a year to live. After Kaoru knew that his father Shigeo had stomach cancer, he held his head in pain and said: "What's going on? Will I be living with my sister in half a year?" I wanted to tell him at the time, "It won't be like that, don't worry."

And my father Shigeo seems to think that he will live with me in half a year, and Mei Sae thinks so too.I was the only one who knew that all three of them had cancer. "I heard that my grandma died of uterine cancer, my grandfather suffered from cerebral hemorrhage, my uncle suffered from rectal cancer, and my aunt suffered from breast cancer. It seems that the probability of death from cancer in our family is very high." "Then Suzuki, are you alright?" "It's fine now. If there's something wrong with my body, it might be that there were red spots on my skin a few years ago."

"That seems to be called acne, and it's nothing compared to a dog living on the skin. It seems that living heartlessly is the secret to not getting sick." "Then you don't need to see a doctor, Yamada." Yamada stood up and walked away, returning with a can and plate in his hand, as if it was lunch for Ma Bin.She started opening cans with a can opener, and her pointy-eared dog heard the sound and was already wagging his tail to the window, still drooling. Maybe it's the same dog that Pavlov was experimenting with, I thought wildly. On my way home, I walked into a bookstore.After hesitating for a long time, I finally bought only one book and walked out of the store.

At home, everyone is looking at others with complicated eyes, but the Saturday afternoon is finally over.Although I don't know the specific situation, I heard that the cancer cells of the three of them have spread to internal organs, and it is difficult to cure them.But I still guess they will be admitted to the hospital for surgery recently. I looked at the top of my left arm again, but I didn't see Pochi's figure. Did it walk on my back or under my nails?After the three of them died, only Pochi was with me. I made a cup of coffee that was cloyingly sweet, then sat down at the living room table and flipped through a book I had just bought.Both Misae and Kaoru seemed to want to say something, but it was my father Shigeo who finally greeted me.

My father stared at me as if looking at something scary.I thought I was used to his expression, but I still felt uncomfortable.I used to often wonder if my father hated me very much, and I am not good at studying.In fact, I have been secretly feeling sad for failing to live up to my parents' expectations. Every time I am scolded by my parents, I feel how I am always being reprimanded for this incident. I can't even do what my brother can easily do.For example, pleasantries, soft smiles, pleasant conversations, beautiful handwriting, every time Mei Sae and Fan Nan look at me with disappointed eyes because of these small things, I feel very hurt.

"What book are you reading?" "It has nothing to do with you, you don't mind my business." Maybe this sentence made my father very angry. He reached out and snatched the book from my hand.He looked at the cover, and it turned out that the title of the book was "Let's Live Alone".Misa and Kaoru stood a step away, watching the changes. "Hey, did you see that?" The father glanced at his wife and son and stopped talking, but I already knew what he meant.What he wanted to say was, "In half a year, she will live with me."Saying such things in front of them is tantamount to telling them that they have half a year left to live, so he didn't continue.But I said:

"After half a year, I will be the only one living. I have no choice but to learn first, because the three of you will all die in half a year." They fell silent for a moment and looked at each other. I took the opportunity to get my book back from my father, Fannan. Shigeo, Misae, and Kaoru all knew about their condition and symptoms, and they talked until late that night, while I went to bed first. The next morning, I thought they must all be sullen, but it wasn't so, they were up before me, as usual, and were eating breakfast. The curtains had already been drawn, and the sun that had already risen so high shone in, making the room look very bright.

Kaoru stole a sneaky glance at me as she poured milk into a well-brushed glass.He should have known that he would die of cancer in half a year, but he couldn't tell from his current expression at all. "What did you talk about so late last night?" I asked Kaoru, and he happily replied: "It's about how to spend the remaining six months. Dad is going to resign, and then he will continue to study until he dies. Mom, she has to continue to be a housewife. For me, I will start taking a break from school tomorrow." "A break from school? That's not bad."

I thought so, and then accidentally said it.But Kaoru didn't feel angry about it, instead he smiled happily.His cheerfulness also infected his parents. "I will wear all these summer clothes this year." Mei Sae looked at her clothes, and said with some regret that she seemed to be mentally prepared that she would not live until next summer. There seems to be a wonderful sense of connection between the three of them, and they have even accepted the fact of death.In this family, I am the only one floating, and I have a sense of loneliness being excluded by them. "Don't you guys do surgery? If you do surgery, maybe you can be cured." Father Fan Nan answered my question: "Surgery may not cure the disease. I don't know the specific situation, but I feel it's too late now. And surgery costs money. The surgery for three people will cost a lot of money." Father frowned. , and continued to say seriously: "After half a year, you will be the only one living in this world. No matter what you do, you need money. We can't spend money on surgery with little chance, and it's a surgery for three people." This was what they discussed last night. Now I am finally worried about my future, which is of course much lighter than the anxiety of being declared dead, but if they are asked to worry about property management, accommodation, and meals when they live alone because of me, who disgusts them And so on, I'd rather die. Can I really survive alone?No, to be precise, I'm not alone, I also have Pochi. At this time, Pochi's barking resounded throughout the room. He rarely barked at home, and this was the first time he barked in the presence of other people.I haven't told my family about it yet. The three looked around incredulously, and finally concluded that it was the TV. I peeked at the tattoo on the upper left arm, and Pochi looked back at me as if he was about to say something.It kept holding the white flower in its mouth, but it swallowed the flower in the blink of an eye.The white flower tattoo disappeared from my arm, leaving only the dog chewing. I finally understood that it should be hungry.I just remembered that I completely forgot to feed it, and I haven't given it anything to eat until now. I told my family that I was going to visit Yamada’s house, and then I was about to go out. At this time, Kaoru stood at the door and talked to me: "I haven't seen Yamada lately, is she okay?" "Yamada seems to be studying and preparing to become a tattoo artist in the future." That's when I realized that Kaoru was staring at my face. "Didn't you have a small black mole next to your eye before? It's about one millimeter in diameter. I used to laugh and say it looked like booger." I ran to the mirror on the dressing table and looked at my face.The moles are indeed gone. Pochi was responsible for removing the mole, and on the way to Yamada's house, I witnessed its new crime with my own eyes. I kept staring at Pochi.But in the blink of an eye, it may have been so hungry that it ate a small mole on my arm. It is very likely that when I fell asleep last night, Pochi ran to my face for a walk, and ate the mole at the corner of my eye in order to fill my empty stomach. Hearing what I said, Yamada suppressed a laugh, and stabbed a large piece of flesh for Pochi on my skin.She is still learning, but she has already mastered the knowledge of tattooing, so this time I became her test subject. Yamada completed the tattoo of meat, the meat with bones often seen in comic books.This piece of meat is bigger than Pochi.I was also worried about whether Pochi would eat it, but I didn't expect it to be unfounded.Boqi ate the meat like a normal dog. I didn't look at him for 30 minutes. He had already run to my right leg and went for a walk after cooking. He looked very satisfied.The walking route of Pochi is like this: first from the upper part of the left arm to the nail of the right hand, then go south (if my head is regarded as north), circle around the back and finally return to the original place. "It is willing to eat the dishes cooked by me, a layman, what a dog." Yamada seemed very moved, but I was a little unhappy. "Don't draw bones with bones next time." Pochi didn't eat the bone, and as a result, only the tattoo of the white bone remained on the skin.After a while, Pochi seemed to have moved the bone elsewhere, and he must have hidden it somewhere under my skin to keep his snack from being taken away. I can only pray secretly that it doesn't hide bones in my face and shit on me. The next day, four of us as a family went for a drive.Since it was Monday, I was supposed to go to school, but my parents allowed me not to.I remember once before, because I didn't go to school for no reason, my father severely criticized my loose attitude towards life, and now he even allows me not to go to school! I heard we were going to the beach, but I couldn't be happier, because a ride with three people who have been pronounced dead is a gloomy, miserable thing in itself.And maybe they pretended to go for a ride, but in fact they wanted to take me out with them, and then the four of them in a car sank directly into the sea.If they are going to commit suicide, then the three of them should commit suicide together without me. But my worry didn't happen. They enjoyed the ride as usual, staring at the scenery everywhere, talking and laughing about not interesting topics.In the car, the cheerful conversation continued non-stop, and there was always someone talking. In order not to spoil the atmosphere, I kept smiling.I even forgot the fact that they were going to die and wished this ride could go on forever. The four of us walked on the beach together, and the gusts of sea breeze made our clothes rustle. They have been staring at the sea for a long time, and it seems that they can never see enough. After two hours, the three of them still have no intention of leaving.No one else can see that I am part of their family.Parents and Kaoru are so sympathetic to each other, they are attracted by the same thing. I was so bored, so I sat on the bench and drank the juice, half asleep and half awake. "Don't you look at the sea?" I don't know when my brother was already sitting next to me. "I don't think there's anything worth seeing in the sea." "That's the difference between people." I was not angry, but smiling, and I was in a good mood. "In the end, the love of parents was still taken away by you, younger brother." "Really? I think it's just the opposite." "Why do you think so? You see, Dad always criticizes me." "They don't criticize me, mainly because I'm smart." On the way back in the car, my mind was still replaying the conversation, and I didn't comment on what my brother said. But other than that, I kind of enjoyed the ride.Not since knowing family members have cancer have I wished them not to die more than I do now.My heart hurts so much.I made them laugh by saying funny things like a fool.Even my father, Fannan, who seldom smiles, is smiling all the time. Why does my heart hurt even more? We are family, a feeling I have long forgotten. On the way we stopped to eat at a roadside restaurant. Let's have an operation. Although it may not be cured, it may be cured.I really wanted to say this in my heart, but in the end I didn't say it.I feel like if I say it, the magic between us will disappear. After half a year, I will live alone. This is so different from the current scene, I can't even imagine it.To be honest, I was so scared that my legs were shaking.