Chapter 45 Section 32

When I got back to the apartment, I was about to knock on the door, but my hand stopped in mid-air. I seemed to hear voices in the room, but I couldn't hear anything when I focused on listening.Is it hallucination? As soon as there was a knock on the door, a small voice answered.The door opened, and Naoko looked up at me uneasily. "You were listening to the radio just now?" I asked. "no, what happened?" "I seem to hear voices." "Ah, that must be the TV. I was watching the news just now," Naoko replied. Is it time for the news?I didn't follow up.

I sat down and told her what had happened at the hospital, the doctor's explanation that Kyogoku's symptoms were also my symptoms. "Oedipus complex, oh..." She seemed to have a certain understanding of this word, "Maybe there is a reason for this." "If you think that way, one thing is understandable. I am strongly attracted to Kyogoku's younger sister, and I must be influenced by the Oedipus complex." Naoko seemed to have no objection and remained silent. "For the time being, I can understand everything about Kyogoku, and I also understand which direction that guy's distorted will is going, and that is the direction my will will go."

"If not stopped..." "No, I guess I can't do it anymore." I said, "I know my own affairs best. My personality is gradually being controlled and replaced by Kyogoku. The sense of music has become sharper. On the contrary, I can't draw anymore, which shows the change. how strong it is.” "Don't give up, there must be a way, let's work hard together. So tell me anything, maybe you will find a clue in an unexpected place." "Are you saying this for research, or—" "Of course it's for you." She took the lead from me and said, "Think of a way, I hope you can recover. It doesn't matter, you will definitely recover."

I hold Naoko's hand.She was taken aback suddenly, but did not show disgust. "Are you making me believe it?" "Well, trust me." "Naoko..." I pulled her over, and she staggered with an exclamation.I hugged her shoulder: "You won't betray me, will you?" "Will not." I put my lips on it and laid her flat.Through the thin clothes, I could feel her beating heart. "With me?" Her face turned blue. "Yes." I said. On the hard tatami, we made love. Afterwards, I hugged Naoko tightly covered in sweat, and seeing her exhausted expression, I finally understood why I love this woman.I hadn't noticed before that Naoko and Ryoko Kyogoku looked alike somehow—doesn't that mean they were also like Kyogoku's mother?

I think that holding Naoko probably means that my brain has been dominated by Kyogoku. "There is a solution," Naoko said in my arms. "The Brain Transplantation Committee has concentrated the authority of brain science. Even if it is difficult to completely cure it, it may not be so difficult to prevent the disease from getting worse." "Not believable," I said. "I hate being used for fame." "You don't have to believe them, trust me. I'll investigate first, and then tell you what I can accept. In other words, I will be the liaison officer."

"You will be fooled too. In fact, you have been fooled by them." "It's okay now, I'm not so easy to bully." "Why are you protecting me so much?" "Need to say?" She put her hands on my chest, "Because I like you." Perhaps I should ask her what it is about this man who is about to lose his mind that she is attracted to, but when this question arises, the headache will attack, so I have to deliberately think elsewhere. "Do something for me." "what?" "The second book on the left on the top shelf is the illustrated book of plants. It's just the cover of the book. Inside is my current diary, which records my change process as objectively as possible."

Naoko stared at the bookshelf and said softly, "Ah, so that's a diary." "What's wrong?" "No, I just thought the books you read were really weird. Why did you put on such a cover?" "In order not to let people see it casually. What you do for me is, if I lose Naruse Junichi's heart, you help me destroy it. I don't want anyone to see it, and you don't want it before that Look." Naoko raised her head, "You won't lose your heart." "I hope so too, but I can't escape reality. One day, I will be completely replaced by Kyogoku, even if the memory and consciousness are still Junichi Naruse, the personality will become someone else's, and then where will I go, that mental hospital. "

Naoko closed her eyes and shook her head a few times: "Don't say that." "It's not what I want to say. I went to see that hospital today, and the conditions are not bad. I think it's suitable for me to spend the rest of my life there. Can you accept my request?" She looked at me, then at the bookshelf, and finally nodded slightly: "Understood, if there is such a day. I believe there will be no such day." "Dreams are big, and disappointments are big." "I don't care, I won't give up hope, it's just..." "what?"

"It's a pity to destroy the diary, which has considerable academic value." "...Oh?" I looked at Naoko's side face, the bridge of her nose drew a graceful and gentle arc like a ski slope, her eyes were like unfathomable lake water, shining with a strange light.I felt something heavy and ominous growing in my chest, like drinking lead.I subconsciously blocked the feeling. I told her I could stay here, but she said she had something to do today and went back.After she left, I recalled her soft skin and fiery breath in the room. It was strange that I didn't have the slightest sense of sorry for Ah Hui.Could it be that Naruse Junichi's conscience is also disappearing.

I have to write today in my diary, it's the most important day in a while.There was so much to write: about Oedipus incarnate who dominated me, about me losing out to him and having a son.Naoko is Oedipus' mother. I was just about to open the diary when I was surprised to find that the placement of the books on the bookshelf seemed to have changed—the English dictionary was placed where I never put it. I looked at the desk drawer again, and it was the same, there were traces of being touched by someone - only one person could do it. The heart of disgust arises spontaneously.I don't want to delve into it, but I found a decisive doubt.The handle is the phone, which is turned 90 degrees in a different position than it is usually placed--I never put it like this.

I remembered hearing voices outside the door. Naoko said it was the TV, but she was actually on the phone.Who are you calling?Why hide it? What she said just now came to my mind again, she said it was a pity that the diary was destroyed.Scientific value?Didn't she know that I wrote the diary for myself and not for anyone else?If you care about the scientific value of the diary, what is the difference with Tang Yuan and the others? I thought of the redial function of the phone, picked up the receiver, and pressed the redial button.The phone rang a few times, and the other party picked up the receiver. "Hello, Jinghe University." The voice was indifferent, probably from the reception room.I hung up the phone and my heart started beating faster. The unhappiness in my heart is spreading.I tried hard not to doubt Naoko.She said she liked me and opened her body to accept me. I should cherish this fact. When I came back to my senses, I was touching the red keys, and the sound it made could calm me.But the sound of the piano was drowned out by the noise of the students from next door.I endured it for a while, and finally couldn't help but rushed out and kicked the door next door.Usui came out in horror, I grabbed him by the collar and threatened that I would not be polite if he continued to quarrel.He was so frightened that he couldn't stop nodding.