Chapter 44 Section 31

My heart is a little heavy, but I still have to make up my mind.While I still have the normal part of my brain, I should do everything I can as soon as possible. After work, I left the factory in a hurry, met Naoko at the agreed place, and then took the bus together to the adjacent neighborhood.We sat in the car without saying a word.We've argued countless times about today's matter—maybe it's not appropriate to call it an argument. Naoko tried hard to change my mind, but in vain. There are eleven residential areas planned neatly like a chessboard, and the roads are all one-way traffic. "This way." Naoko walked towards a narrow path.

It took about five minutes to walk from the bus station to the hospital."Beiquan Hospital" is engraved on the grand gate, and a white building can be seen through the wide courtyard.Such a quiet environment should be very suitable for people with heart diseases to recuperate. "Don't you want to change your mind?" Naoko persuaded me one last time at the hospital gate. "Leave me alone," I replied, "at least while I'm sober..." She sighed, lowered her head helplessly, kicked the ground with the toe of her shoe, and said, "Can I go too?"

"No, I can go alone, I want to go alone." "Well." She nodded slightly, "Then I'll wait for you at home." "Hopefully I don't end up in the hospital right away," I said as I handed her the keys to the apartment. She stared at me: "What kind of joke!" "Half of me thinks so." She bit her lip and turned away. I watched her back gradually disappear out of sight, then took a deep breath and walked into the hospital gate. There is a small fountain in the yard, and there are two chairs around it. There are two people sitting on the chairs. One is an old woman in sportswear holding a paper bag full of wool and knitting; the other is wearing a A decent middle-aged man, he looked ahead, motionless like a stone statue, holding a brown briefcase tightly in his hand.Neither of these men looked at me.

Going through the main entrance to the right is a window in which sits a fat nurse wearing gold-rimmed glasses.I told her I wanted to talk to a doctor about my family. "May I ask who your family is..." the fat nurse asked in a low voice. "It's my brother, it's close, that, it's a bit..." I licked my lips, and said in a low voice, "His sin is a bit strange, I want to talk to the doctor here, if it's better to bring him here, next time Bring him again." "What kind of strange method?" "I always feel that he is not the same as before, and his behavior and thoughts have become another person."

The nurse sighed softly and seemed to think I was a little fussed about this level of symptoms. I went on to say: "And became very manic, and almost killed someone a few days ago." The word "murder" seems convincing.Sure enough, the guard opened his eyes wide and said in a slightly nervous voice: "Understood, please wait here for a while." The waiting room is no different from general medical and surgical hospitals, with benches, TV sets and bookshelves.Five men and women were sitting scattered, unable to tell who was the patient and who was the escort. About twenty minutes later, I was called in.The room the nurse led me to was not so much a consulting room, but more like an office in an office building, with white walls and plenty of light.In the center of the room was an iron table, behind which sat a middle-aged man in his forties with slightly tanned skin.

"Please sit down." He pointed to the chair in front of me and said to me.As soon as I sat down, he asked, "I heard it's your brother's problem? It seems like a different person or something..." I nodded: "It's just another person." "What has it become?" "My brother used to be an honest and even timid and negative man, but now these characteristics have almost disappeared." I feel a little weird when I say this about myself, "but it's not just a cheerful person, but It was being hostile to everyone, becoming very aggressive, and lacking nuanced care and compassion for others. He wasn’t like that before.”

"Oh..." The doctor tapped the table lightly with his index finger, "I heard that he almost killed someone?" "Horrible thoughts stopped at the critical moment and nothing happened." "Is there any motive for killing? Why put that person to death?" "It's not nothing...but it's just trivial things. He is very annoyed when he sees students who spend their parents' money randomly. I...we all grew up in very poor conditions." "Do you remember what your brother said at that time?" "Remember, he said he felt inexplicably angry at the time."

"So, he is also reflecting?" "Well, to a certain extent." "If that's the case," the doctor leaned back, his expression relaxed. I don't think there's any need to worry about it. He's probably just mildly hysterical.Many people experience this symptom due to stress.Your brother's occupation is..." I paused, and said according to the planned answer: "Musician." The doctor frowned, nodded a few times as if suddenly realized, and said, "People called artists have this tendency more or less. Frankly speaking, it is relatively rare among ordinary people."

"But I think he has too many abnormal behaviors. For example, my brother has a toy piano," I try not to show my emotions, "sometimes he will play it for hours in a row. Is it a symptom of the problem?" "Toy piano?" The doctor looked puzzled, "What kind of piano is that? Does it have any special meaning to your brother?" "I don't know if this is of special significance... The piano is my mother's relic. My mother passed away half a year ago, and my brother has become abnormal since then." I told the doctor what I heard from Ryoko Kyogoku. Regarding the situation of Kyogoku Instant, for example, Kyogoku loves his mother very much, hates his father and so on.

After listening, the doctor looked up at the ceiling to collect his thoughts, and then looked at my face again. "It's hard to draw conclusions without seeing your brother himself, but from the conversation just now, it can be inferred that he is a symptom of an Oedipus complex, that is, an Oedipus complex." "Oedipus complex?" "The so-called Oedipus complex is a kind of infantile performance that people show in early childhood. Due to the awareness of their own gender, they have a functional attachment to the opposite sex around them-the mother, while they have a sense of competition for the father of the same sex. This kind of complex exists in people to some extent, if it is not properly released, it is very likely to have an impact on the spirit in the future."

"Is this the case with my brother?" "For the time being, I can think so. The behavior of playing the toy piano may be a manifestation of wishing to return to the past and live with my mother." I nodded, in fact, I have already noticed it slightly.Of course, it's not me, but Kyogoku who misses the old days with my mother. "Furthermore, due to treating the mother as the opposite sex, it can be said that the Oedipus knot is accompanied by a certain degree of guilt, and sometimes this guilt can lead to extreme cleanliness. In your brother's case, not only It can be said that he is unbearable to himself and even other people's laziness and slack. That is to say, he will deny the pursuit of various pleasures led by sexual desire. In this sense, he has a kind of obsessive concept. Think people have to work hard.” "I used to think that my brother's strictness to himself and others came from his hatred of his father and the experience of a poor life in the past..." "In fact that could be a factor too, but I think it's a secondary factor. It's kind of weird to say that adversity and things like that don't tend to be the root cause." Maybe it's true, I think, that adversity somehow works positively for people. "It's nothing more than speculation now," said the doctor. "Until we talk to him himself, nothing can be said for certain, as it is. Are you going to bring your brother here?" "I'll think about it. Is it possible for him to be cured?" "Assuming that the Oedipus complex is the main reason, then as long as you find out the cause of this complex from the memory of your teenage years and let yourself introspect, it can basically be cured." The doctor is quite confident. I pretended to be sincerely convinced, but I thought in my heart, if this is the case, there will be no cure.Kyogoku is no longer in this world, and there is only one soul distorted by Oedipus complex left. "There is one more thing I want to ask. Does your brother show any mental changes at other times, such as when painting?" "Drawing? Well, it shows up a lot, though not all the time. Please look at this, the sketches I made when I was in the hospital, and the landscape from the window, out of the paper bag I brought, "You can tell by the date that it was painted by my brother for the last month or two.How about it?Don't you think the strokes and composition are changing? " "Let me see." The doctor flipped through the sketchbook very seriously, and then showed great interest in the painting depicting the scenery outside the window, "By the way, I want to ask, has your brother ever had any accidents? got hit or something..." "Ah? No..." I chose to avoid it. "Oh? Maybe it's just a coincidence." The doctor said to himself. "Did you notice anything?" "Well, there is one place that cannot be ignored. First of all, this painting of the window, which shows the typical symptoms of patients with brain damage. Only the right side of the window is painted and the left side disappears. The same is true for the table in front, and the left side is only blurred. It is a symptom of disregarding the space to the left." "Ignore the left space..." "When we use images to grasp things, the space on the left side is controlled by the right brain. But as far as this painting is concerned, the images are not fully formed. Your brother's works have always been in this style?" "I'm not sure about that." I prevaricated. "Oh," the doctor nodded, "this tendency can also be seen in the sketchbook. All the paintings are female portraits, but in the last few pictures, the outline of the face on the left side is incomplete and somewhat distorted. It can also be said to be a manifestation of ignoring the left space." "Are these symptoms caused by damage to the right brain?" "Yes. It's just that compared with the symptoms of right brain damage, the changes shown in your brother's paintings seem to be happening slowly. It gives me the feeling that the degree of damage is gradually deepening as time goes by. Anyway. , it is better to go to the brain surgery hospital to have a look. His right brain should be thoroughly checked, especially the back of the brain." "The back?" I asked again. "The back of the head?" "Yes, the ignorance of the left space reflects damage to the back of the right brain," the doctor said. "Wait, but," he seemed to change his mind again, "you said your brother was a musician, How is the ability, has there been any change?" "No," I replied to the channel, "music and everything are excellent." "Haha, so the claim of right brain damage is untenable." The doctor shook his head, "Looking at the paintings seems to show signs of damage, but if the right brain is really damaged, the musical ability will be significantly degraded. That is to say, regarding this painting, we can only think that your brother already has this style of painting." I nodded silently while looking for reasons to convince myself.After listening to the doctor's words, I understood a lot.The symptom of ignoring the left side space in the painting is because my original right brain consciousness is gradually disappearing, replaced by Kyogoku's consciousness beginning to dominate the right brain, so my musical ability will improve. "Understood, I will bring my brother over next time." I put away the painting and stood up. "Did my words help you?" "Of course, it is of great reference value." After leaving the consulting room, I didn't go directly back to the waiting room, but walked in the opposite direction of the corridor.There was a door at the end with a sign saying "No entry for non-ward management personnel".I opened the door without hesitation, one of the purposes of coming to this hospital was to see here. After walking a few steps, I saw another door. It was just a glass-paneled partition, and I could still see what was inside.The corridor continued, with doors on both sides, probably the room where the patient lived. On the right there is something like a management office, now empty.I pushed the door lightly and went in.When I was about to close the door, I suddenly realized that the door will automatically lock, and it cannot be opened from the inside without the key.I took a slipper next to me and stuck it in the crack of the door. I tried not to make any noise, walking cautiously down the aisle.The surroundings are not completely silent, and occasionally the voices from the door can be heard clearly, indicating that there are indeed people living in those rooms.There was still someone talking in one room, so I stopped in front of the door, trying to hear what the people inside were saying.It turned out that someone was chanting scriptures. I can't see clearly, but the fact that there are patients living in the room has been oppressing my nerves, and there is always an urge to open the door to find out.I suppressed my curiosity and walked inside. Seeing a conversation room, I peeked into it, and there was a middle-aged man and woman talking.These two people don't look like they have mental problems.In the corner of the room, a girl who looked like a high school student was changing clothes for the doll. I felt someone behind me, and when I turned around, I saw a man in his thirties who looked like a doctor in a white coat.He stared at me with the unemotional gaze of a scholar who observes lab rats. "Sorry, I seem to have lost my way. I'll go out right away." I hurriedly argued.But the man's eyes didn't change at all, he was still staring at the middle of my eyes. "That..." I tried to argue again. "Hey, Mr. Yamamoto, you are here." Just then, a woman's voice came.Taking a closer look, the fat nurse came trotting all the way. "The doctor will come in a while, please go back to the room, understand?" The fat nurse gave the man a hug and told him to go back to the ward.He just walked down the corridor in a daze. The nurse turned to me immediately, and asked in surprise, "Are you..." "Sorry, I just visited for a while." "visit?" "Well, in fact, my brother will probably trouble you to take care of him soon. I want to take a look at the environment here first." "Your brother? Oh." The vigilant expression on Hu Shang's face was mostly relaxed, "But breaking into the ward without authorization like this will cause us trouble." "I'm so sorry." I went back into the corridor and the nurse followed me out. "May I ask when your brother is going to be hospitalized?" "I'm not sure yet, maybe it will be soon, maybe it will take a few days." I stopped and pointed to my back and said, "That man just now was a patient? So were the people in the interview room?" "um, yes." I couldn't help shaking my head: "I really can't see it, especially in the conversation room." "Patients here are treated as normal people, and it is basically difficult to see the difference." The nurse proudly said, "In any case, full of humanistic care is the characteristic of our nursing work here." "After my brother lives in, can he also receive humane care?" "Of course." "Then please take care of me when the time comes." I bowed to the nurse. A little surprised, she replied, "Well, no problem." Walking out of the hospital, the sky has completely darkened, and the figures of the patients in the courtyard and the parking lot have disappeared.I stood at the door and turned to look at the white building.A woman who looked like a housewife avoided me and walked across the road.I'm afraid she's taking me for a patient.