Chapter 2 Chapter 1 of Futaba

The clock in the lounge is similar to the round clock hanging on the wall of the primary school classroom in the past, but the speed of the pointer movement tonight is particularly weird. If you stare at it, you will feel that it is walking slowly like an old man climbing stairs, but move it slightly Looking back, the pointer seems to be moving at an alarming speed. I can't help but suspect that someone has tampered with the clock while I was not paying attention. The guitarist Feng has been running to the toilet since just now; the drummer Kanta is shaking his feet while pretending to be in deep thought. ;Bassist Yuhiro is yawning and flipping through scripts that have nothing to do with us. At first glance, he seems quite comfortable, but I know this is just him trying his best to pretend to be a big man. He is the most nervous of all. .All in all, the three of them are cute and ordinary boys.

I looked at the clock again, twenty minutes to go. "Don't look restless." Youguang seemed to be aware of my anxiety, "It's useless to be nervous, just keep calm and play." I couldn't help laughing out loud, he was so nervous that his lips were stiff that it was really not suitable for him to say such a line, but it was a matter of the boy's face, so I replied obediently: "That's right." "There is no way to say that a normal heart is a normal heart!" Ah Feng said without concealing his nervousness: "Ah, I have a hunch that I will make a mistake..."

"Hey, be strong." Kanta's voice was very thin, which didn't match his figure at all, "As long as you lead the guitar well, even if I make a slight mistake, it won't be too obvious." "Hey, don't rely on me, just rely on Futaba." "That's right." Tomohiro heard what Afeng said, looked at me and said: "A layman can't tell if the performance is good or bad, so the success of the official performance depends entirely on Futaba's performance." "What do you mean? This juncture still puts pressure on me." I couldn't help stomping my feet.

"It's okay, anyway, take it easy, take it easy." You Guang took the script as a fan and slammed it at me. They also knew that it would be bad if the lead singer was under too much pressure. "As long as you behave normally today, you can pass the test, right?" Kanta's tone seemed to confirm with himself. "That's what the director said." A Feng replied: "He said that there might not be any amazing bands appearing recently, but he also said that we should not take it lightly. If our performance is too bad, we will still be brushed off." "After all, it's a live broadcast."

"If you make a mistake, you can't do it again." Kanta and Ah Feng sighed at the same time, when the short, acne-prone assistant director walked in. "Everyone is ready to play." Although his tone was relaxed and lacking dignity, our whole body froze when we heard these words. "The time has finally come." Kanta was the first to stand up. "I want to go to the bathroom again." A Feng said with a bitter face. "I'll go after it's over, I'm sure I won't pee a drop anyway. Oh, I really can't do anything with you guys." Yuhiro said while licking his lips desperately.

I also stood up, anyway, there is no escape at this point, what I should do now is to drive these three silly boys to the stage, and then sing with my voice, trying my best to let our orchestra pass the test. Walking out of the living room, I took a deep breath and walked on the long corridor. The three people in front of me walked like unoiled metal dolls. I looked at their backs and envied them. All they had to face was the tension before going on TV. The mood, unlike me, is full of worries about the consequences of going on stage today. "Of course not, what nonsense are you talking about," Mom said.

Exactly what I expected.I knew she would object, so I wasn't surprised, but still frustrated. The scene goes back to when I told her I might be on TV. As usual, our mother and daughter had dinner face to face at the small dining table. It was my turn to cook that day. I deliberately cooked grilled eggplant, clam soup and other dishes that my mother loved. "What's the matter? There must be a ghost. What are you paying attention to?" Mom noticed it when she saw the dishes on the table. Mom was in the best mood when she said she was going to be on TV. Mom's expression suddenly changed from a virgin to a devil, and then she said the above sentence.

"Why not?" I forcefully put the chopsticks on the table. "No, no." Mom's expression changed from a ghost to a cold poker face, and she silently stuffed the roasted eggplant I made into her mouth. "It's not fair, at least tell me why?" Mom put down the chopsticks, pushed the dishes in front of her aside, put her elbows on the table, leaned her face close to me and said, "Futaba." "What?" I couldn't help shrinking back slightly. "What did your mother tell you when you first started playing in high school band?" "You must balance your studies and family affairs..."

"anything else?" "You can't casually associate with boys in the orchestra..." "I remember a little more?" Mom stared at me. I sighed and said, "You can't have a career in a band, and you can't be on TV." "That's right, you all remember it, it seems that I don't need to explain the reason." "Wait a minute." My mother was about to pull the plate back in front of me, and I said out loud, "I remember our agreement, but the situation is different now, if high school students form a band randomly, they will boast that they will move towards the future of their careers." I also think it's inappropriate for Lu Mai to waste his studies, but I'm a college student now, in my twenties, I have the ability to judge for myself, and I know very well whether I have the strength to take the orchestra as a career."

"Oh?" Mom looked at me, "Can you make an orchestra a career just because of your singing?" "I'm confident I can do it." "Ha, you're really good at talking big. Be careful that one day you will be fined by the Environmental Protection Agency for making noise." "Hmph, you haven't heard of it." "You don't need to listen to know, you are my daughter." "Didn't you always say that I'm not like you at all?" "Yes, it's a pity that your father is also a big music idiot. Ah, poor little sister Futaba, who can't break free from the shackles of heredity." Mom picked up the celery in the lettuce salad and bit into it, and stared fiercely after eating it all. He looked at me and said, "Anyway, if you can't do it, you can't do it."

"Mom, please." I resorted to the underdog tactic, "Just let me go this time, we finally passed the preliminaries to be on that show." "What the hell preliminaries, I don't remember that I promised you to participate." "At the beginning, I didn't expect to win, but how could I give up easily when I finally got the chance. Please, just one time! If it's true as you said that we don't have the strength to become a professional band, we will appear again in the first week of the program." It was brushed off." "I also know that I will be banned." Mom's attitude was so cold that she almost didn't look like a mother. "Why do you want to embarrass yourself in front of the whole Japanese?" "It's just a TV, why not?" I turned up the volume.For a moment my mother closed her eyes, opened them again and stared at me. "Since you were young, I don't think I have restricted you. I will turn a blind eye to most things in the future. Even if you bring a man of unknown origin home and say you want to marry him , as long as you like it, I won’t stop it. It’s just such a small thing, why can’t you agree to me? Besides, I’m not forcing others, I just hope you can live a normal life. Playing rock music is not a bad thing, but you can only Be interested, mom doesn't want you to show your face outside." "Is something bad going to happen to me out there?" I asked half jokingly. "If I say that's the case, are you willing to give up the idea?" Mom put down the chopsticks, and there was no sign of joking on her face. "How can I get rid of your inexplicable reason?" "You have to stop thinking about it." My mother stood up, said "I'm full", and walked into the next room. No matter how much I tried to talk, she was as unmoved as a stone sculpture. The actual singing time is about three minutes. Before and after the singing, there are some pre-set dialogues with the host. Since I have practiced many times during the rehearsal, I hardly need to think about the answers on the official stage.Whether it's talking or singing, I didn't figure out which camera was shooting until the end, but no one came forward to correct us afterwards, so it must be a good performance. The judging results came out, we passed the test this week, so the team members raised their hands and cheered according to the director's instructions.She is on night shift tonight, but it doesn't mean I can sit back and relax. There should be TV sets in the hospital nursing station, and the nurses might watch singing shows at night. After the show ended, we discussed the details of the next shoot with the director before leaving the studio. It was already one o'clock at night when we walked out of the TV station, and we left in Kanta's van. "Great." The car drove for a while, and Kanta spoke first, and everyone seemed to finally feel the reality and joy of passing the level. "Although I knew I would pass the test, I am still very happy." Tomohiro in the passenger seat said with a confident tone, then turned to look at me and said, "However, this is all thanks to Futaba." "It's not me alone, it's everyone's credit. Everyone's performance today is great." "Indeed, there are no obvious mistakes tonight." A Feng looked satisfied, "But to be honest, our performance at this level is not a big deal, thanks to Futaba's singing tonight is particularly loud, and the judges also praised it strongly." "It's all thanks to Futaba, it's all thanks to Futaba." Kanta, who was driving, looked at me through the rearview mirror and said. "Thank you." I smiled slightly and leaned back deeply in the chair. It wasn't until three days ago that I made up my mind to be on TV.Rather than making up your mind, it's better to say that the situation has become difficult.The other members of the orchestra did not know that I had an agreement with my mother. They all took it for granted that since they wanted to play in an orchestra, their goal was to embark on a career path. In fact, I really wanted to pursue a career path. Chance. But after I decided to go on TV, I still couldn't be cheerful. My mother's stern eyes kept coming to my mind. Why does she hate me so much for showing my face in front of everyone? In fact, this is not the first time I had an argument with my mother over being on TV. When I was in junior high school, I wanted to form a team with my classmates to participate in a TV quiz show. At that time, my mother strongly opposed it. Her reason was that This will affect my preparation for the entrance examination. I said that I really want to get the participation award of the program - a mini CD stereo. The next day my mother took me to Akihabara to buy a CD stereo. She thought that I would Shut up.It is true that I no longer clamored to be on the show, but instead I was full of doubts.CD audio should be more likely to affect reading than going to programs. If I show my face outside, it will bring bad consequences.This logic sounds absurd, but my mother's serious expression makes me suspect that this is not just a simple joke.The difficulty of letting go of this mystery and the guilt of betraying my mother caused me to be depressed all day today. In order to clear away the haze in my heart, I sang with my throat open on stage, but I didn’t expect to pass because of it. It’s ironic . Kanta sent me to my apartment next to Shakujii Park. The other members also lived along the same railway line. We were all high school classmates. When I was a sophomore in high school, Tomohiro invited me to join the orchestra. After the first practice, I knew that this was what I wanted. I felt that I had finally found what I had been looking for for many years.I originally joined the volleyball club, but I always felt that something was missing, and I found that missing element here. "As soon as Kobayashi Futaba joins, our orchestra will be perfect." After practice that day, Tomohiro officially announced to the members in the coffee shop. We toasted beers after we made sure there were no school counselors around. In this way, I left the volleyball club and plunged into the practice of the orchestra, and my mother also imposed the aforementioned conditions on me. I once told the boys about this, but they didn't seem to care much. "You are not allowed to embark on the career path? Hahaha, as expected of Futaba's mother, the situation is different." When Tomohiro said this, Afeng and Kanta also laughed. Indeed, for us at that time, the career path was simply a dream, and our preset goal was just to show off at cultural festivals and other activities.But after entering university, band activities became more and more serious, and everyone gradually began to talk about some more specific goals, such as hoping to rely on this industry for food in the future or wanting to hold concerts, etc. So we have this challenge. Youguang and the others must have forgotten the agreement between me and my mother. Even if they remembered, they would not think it was a serious matter.It's not their fault, because I thought so too. If I announce my withdrawal from the orchestra, how will those boys react?Although it is an interesting experiment, I really don't have the courage to say it. My mother and I live in Room 201 of a two-story apartment. It takes about ten minutes to walk to the station. There are no valuables at home and no visitors on weekdays, so the space for two bedrooms and one living room is enough. Standing in the south-facing The verdant Shakujii Park can be seen from the balcony, and it is quite comfortable to live in. As soon as I opened the door, my mother's dark brown leather shoes were placed at the door, and I couldn't help but feel a chill.She said before that today is the night shift, and she should not go home until tomorrow morning. I tiptoed past my mother's door, went to the kitchen to drink a glass of water, and then came back and gently opened the paper sliding door of her room.The bed was already made, and my mother was sleeping on her side, with her serious shoulders protruding from the quilt, as if expressing her anger towards me. I thought to myself that since I was asleep, I would not wake her up. I was about to close the paper sliding door cautiously, but when I pulled it five centimeters, my mother suddenly said, "You are back." My whole body was shaken like an electric shock, "Scared me, you haven't slept yet? Isn't today a night shift?" "I changed shift." "Oh……" I really wanted to know if she had watched that show, but I didn’t know where to ask. When I was silently looking at my mother’s back, she said: "Are you going to compete next week?" Mom really watched the show, but since she asked, it can be seen that she is not so angry.No, don't take it lightly, maybe it's just the calm before the storm. "I have this plan..." I looked at the quilt on my mother and said tremblingly. I always felt that the quilt would fly up at any time, and my mother would turn around with a grim expression. But I didn't expect my mother just said "Oh" and said: "If it's okay, close the door, I'm cold." "Ah, I'm sorry." Although I thought about how it would be cold this season, I still did what she said, and when the door was about to close, my mother spoke. "Futaba." "What's up?" "Your singing is pretty good. Mom looks at you with admiration." An unexpected word. "Thank you." I bowed slightly to my mother's back, and I also felt that this reaction was a bit stupid.I closed the paper sliding door. I went back to my room, put on my pajamas and got under the covers.Mom didn't seem angry, and I tried to figure out why.Is it because I am too disobedient that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore?Or did my singing make her astonished, so she couldn't bear to object to my career path? Before I came to any conclusions, I fell asleep. The moment before I fell asleep, I thought vaguely that it seemed that my mother's opposition was not as strong as I thought. But this naive idea was completely overturned after an hour. I suddenly felt thirsty at night. I woke up and climbed out of bed. I reached for the doorknob and retracted it, because the door was open a few centimeters wide, and I saw a corner of the kitchen. Mom was sitting alone in a chair, facing the dining table but not looking at anything.I looked at her carefully and couldn't help being startled. There were obvious tear stains on her mother's face, her expression was in a trance, and she was motionless like a doll. I wasn't optimistic enough to explain to myself that it wasn't me, that I forgot my thirst and went back to bed. Did I really do something so excessive?It's just on TV, I just sang a song out loud on TV. Why does this cause so much pain for mom? An incredible feeling revived in my mind, as if it had happened before..., not a deja vu illusion, but a quite clear memory.After thinking for a while, I finally remembered, it was that thing. A long time ago, my mother also showed such a sad expression. At that time, I was just in elementary school. If I remember correctly, we just moved here. One day I was bullied by my classmates at school. The leader was a girl who lived near my house. She pulled a group of classmates to point at me and said: "Don't play with her, my mother said you can't get close to Xiao Lin's children, are you right?" A few people around her nodded. They were all kids who lived in the same neighborhood as me. "Why can't we play together?" When I asked, the girl put on a victorious posture and puffed up her chest and said, "Because your family has no father. It's not that you died, but you didn't have a father from the beginning. My mother told me Yes, it's not right, it's so indecent." I really doubt whether this girl who just entered elementary school really understands what "inappropriate" means. She may just carry out what her mother said at home. Of course, now I can completely imagine her mother said something what. "I heard that Miss Xiaolin is not married. That's right, she is an unmarried mother. I don't know what kind of work she is doing. Anyway, her life must be very abnormal. Hotel lady? Maybe, maybe even the child's father is unknown." I don't know. It's disgusting, how could such unseemly people move in near our house." It's almost like this. That day I went home crying, and as soon as I saw my mother's head, I asked, "Mom, isn't our family in order? Is it wrong that we don't have a father like other people?" Mom thought about what I said for a while, then raised her face to look at me and laughed boldly, "Futaba, don't pay attention to those people, they just envy you too much." "Envy me? Why?" "Then do you need to ask? Because you are very free. If you have a father, life is very unfree. Your father will tell you to obey the rules, and tell you to be a girl. Does your mother take these annoying things?" asked you?" "No." "That's right, it's good if there are only girls in the family. Everyone troubles you because they envy you, understand?" I seemed to understand, but I nodded and said, "Understood." "Very good, now that I understand..." Mom rubbed my cheeks and kept circling, "Next time you are bullied, if you come back crying, Mom won't let you in. No matter who the other party is, you You have to fight bravely, don’t worry, if you get hurt, your mother will bandage it for you. By the way, tell your friends: my mother is a nurse and knows how to deal with wounds, so don’t be merciful.” My mother's imposing words made me suddenly courageous. But that night, I saw it.When making the bed on the tatami, my mother knelt and sat motionless in a daze. She didn't notice that I came out of the shower and stared into the distance. At that time, her face was also full of tears. I couldn't help but see this scene. I retracted into the bathroom and stood next to the washing machine. At that time, my young mind began to feel that there must be some secrets about my birth. As for whether it was related to my father, I don’t know. Just now, my mother's expression was exactly the same as that night. So, could it be that this incident is related to my birth, so my mother is in so much pain?Did I turn on something that I shouldn't by showing my face on TV?