Chapter 13 Section Thirteen

My father didn't come home that night, but I wasn't surprised at all.Not only was it not unexpected, but I even vaguely felt that I would never see him again. My hunch was right.The next day, or even the day after, my father never came back to the apartment. A few days later, some relatives from my father's side came to the house.One of them was Matsudo's aunt.They said one after another: "It's so troublesome and nerve-wracking." No one looked at me directly.They asked me only once: "Do you know where your father has gone?" I replied: "I don't know."

On that day, the three hell messengers from before also came.There was no particular quarrel between them and their relatives, they just went through some transactional procedures in a low-key manner.The three envoys were expressionless, and the relatives listened to them explain the whole story with slumped faces. A few days later, my relatives who live in Mitaka came to pick me up.I left the apartment with only the necessary luggage.The relative was running a gardening business and had a spare room in the house that was not being used. I went to school from that relative's family, but my life did not get a stable guarantee.I stayed in his house for about three months, and then I stayed at another relative's house. After two or three months, I was kicked to another relative's house.

In this way, when I was promoted to the third grade of senior engineering, I moved to the house of my aunt Matsudo, whom my father said had already greeted me.The daughter of her family is married, so I was allowed to live in the room she used to live in, but it was strictly forbidden to move the items in her room, only the desk and bookcase could be used.A few sheets of paper were pasted in the gaps of the tightly closed closet, and a seal was also stamped on it.As for the wardrobe, it was locked. There is a small stereo in the room, which must be used with the consent of his family, but I often use it without authorization.I will put on earphones and listen to popular songs and foreign music on FM.When listening to music, it was the only moment of peace of mind in my turbulent life.Actually, I'd rather listen to records, but records should all be in the closet.

Novels, reference books for school, and manga for girls are lined up on the bookcase.Among them, there are also a few women's magazines. The content of the magazines surprised me who had never read such books. There are many bold performances about sex.Only then did I know that women are also interested in sex.For a while, reading those magazines became my private pleasure. I struggle with dealing with their family every day.However, in retrospect, the family was actually good people.They were not related to me by blood, but they fed me, housed me, and sent me to school.Although they often made me feel like I was in the way, they never showed their disgust on their faces or used harsh words to make fun of me.When I thought about it later, it was a matter of course to put a seal on the closet or lock the closet.Although her daughter is married, it's a good thing she agreed to lend me the room.

Her daughter often goes back to her natal home, and when she sees me, she smiles and says to me: "You can use the room as you like." One day out of nowhere, I found something stuck in the gap between the wardrobe and the wall.I checked it out with a 30cm ruler and found it was a small paper bag containing six unused condoms. Of course I knew this kind of thing existed, but it was the first time I actually saw it.I don't know why the protagonist of the room has a condom, or why it's tucked in that place.However, discovering the condom made me imagine the occupant of the room having sex.That fantasy made me feel extraordinarily excited.For the first time in my life I masturbated with a condom on.Needless to say, the object of my mental assault was naturally the owner of the room.The sense of guilt and the consciousness of relapse mingled and turned into a surge of excitement, allowing me to achieve the supreme pleasure.After ejaculating, I wondered desolately where to dispose of the used condom.

Father is still missing.I don't know if the relatives are actively investigating the father's whereabouts. At least the Matsudo family should not think that maintaining the status quo is enough.However, they seem to be thinking of other solutions.Because my aunt once asked me like this: "I said, Ah He, do you want to live with your mother?" The mother she was referring to was, of course, my biological mother.She probably thought that instead of finding my father, it would be faster to hand me over to my mother. To be honest, I don't want to live with my mother now.I was skeptical of her motherly love and even annoyed at her irresponsibility, but I replied, "I don't know."

"But, is it better to live with my biological mother?" My aunt continued to ask me. I tilted my head and replied, "I don't know." This was my biggest concession.The aunt nodded dissatisfied. Later, the plan to hand me over to my mother seemed to fail.It is impossible for them to find a place where their mother lives, maybe the mother refused.I have seen her build a happy family with other men from a long time ago.After that, Matsudo's aunt never asked me about living with my mother. When I was promoted to the third grade, I naturally had to think about my future, but it wasn't my turn to worry about it.Almost completely without my knowledge.The school has arranged for me to work in a manufacturing factory.Although it is called a shipyard, it does not actually manufacture ships, but a company that mainly manufactures heavy machinery.

Shortly after the graduation ceremony, I moved into a single dormitory in Fuchu.One is far away from the station, and even to get to the bus station, you have to walk for 20 minutes nearby.The factory is near that bus stop. The dormitory is very old, and the slender rooms are paved like a pigeon cage.Such a narrow room is shared by two people.I lived with a man named Xiaoshan who seemed to have been a gangster.He seemed to have an opinion on everything by nature, and he complained again and again as soon as he moved into the dormitory, not only about the narrow space, but also complained about the tacky shape of the work clothes, and said that wearing a work cap would make his hair floppy, and he didn’t even wear goggles. Can gossip about how stupid it looks.In addition, the food in the dormitory is unpalatable and the water flow in the bathroom is too small, which are also his complaints.What made him particularly dissatisfied was that the dormitory supervisor would run into the dormitory students' rooms without authorization.When Xiaoshan found out about this for the first time, he ran to the dormitory with an umbrella to ask him to reason.Several people, including me, heard his growl.Fortunately, however, he wasn't so stupid as to hit the dormitory supervisor on the head with an umbrella.

Xiaoshan never looked at the bulletin board, so he was completely unaware of the various matters that the dormitory supervisor notified the dormitory students.Thanks to my protection, he didn't make a fool of himself or get scolded, so although he always complained, he never complained to me.I even helped him write the diary that new employees must write.I think his nature should not be bad, but he still has to get up early in the morning and use a hair dryer for a long time to blow his hair into a cockscomb head, knowing that his hair will be collapsed by the hat. In any case, the bachelor dormitory is the "own castle" that I have been looking forward to for a long time and finally got it.

I belong to the production line of machine motors, and the first job I am assigned is to disassemble defective products, and then inspect and pack them.Each of these is physically demanding work, so with each night shift I lose two kilos. My team has thirteen operators from the team leader down.No one joined the company at the same time as me, and all of them were older than me.Among them, there was a man named Fujita who was three years older than me, and he would find fault with me in everything. Fujita's approach is insidious.For example, he was in charge of my last process, but he would hoard a large number of products first, and then flow them to me in one go.As I am not yet familiar with the new job, I was immediately in a hurry.If it's just that, it's fine, but he will deliberately mix defective products into the product from time to time.He did this in the hope that I would not find a defect in my haste.In fact, I did not find out the defective products several times, and was severely scolded by the team leader every time.I really wanted to tell the team leader that Fujita was playing tricks, but unfortunately I didn't have any evidence, so I had to be scolded obediently.

After I got used to the job, Fujita pulled off another unbelievably outrageous trick.When I wasn't looking, he would mix the defective product with the checked product on the pallet.Fortunately, I just realized at the time that if it was packaged like that, it would definitely attract complaints from customers and cause a big commotion. I don't quite understand why Fujita hates me.He doesn't seem to play tricks on all the junior employees, maybe he really hates me.I've heard gossip that he just doesn't like the way I look, so I figured maybe it's just that they don't hit it off. However, I can't stand it if two people play tricks on me just because they don't hit it off.One day, I couldn't take it anymore, I stopped what I was doing and walked to Fujita.Fujita stared at me viciously through the goggles, as if saying "what's the matter". "You just mixed the defective product with the inspected product on the pallet, right?" "I didn't do that kind of thing." Fujita turned his face away and continued with the work in hand. "Why did you do that? I was the one who got scolded!" "I said, I don't know. Do you want to quarrel with someone?" "Is it you who wants to quarrel with someone?" But Fujita didn't answer.He ignored me and continued to assemble the product. "Anyway, something like that will be done..." I was halfway through when the alarm bell rang behind me.Looking back, there are a bunch of products piled up in the place I am in charge of.I hurried back but it was too late, the conveyor belt carrying the products had stopped. "Tajima!" The team leader's sharp voice came from beside his ear. "What are you in a daze for? Do it well!" "I'm sorry." When I was apologizing, I caught a glimpse of Fujita's mocking side face.In a moment of rage, I threw the product inspection tool I was carrying at him, hitting him in the right shoulder. "What the hell are you doing!" "It's not because of your good deeds." "Do you want to blame others? Is there something wrong with your head?" I picked up the wrench beside me and threw it straight at him. "Bastard!" When I heard this sentence, I was held up from behind.It turned out to be the team leader. "Tajima, what are you doing?!" "It's all because of that guy." I wanted to kick Fujita with my safety shoes, but my feet weren't long enough to hit him. Fujita sneered, and stepped back: "I'm so scared. I don't know what's wrong with this guy's head." "Fujita, what did you do?" the team leader asked. Fujita stretched out his hand and waved it in front of his face. "I don't know. This guy came out of nowhere to pick on me." "I didn't find fault." "Shut up! Anyway, you two come here together!" The team leader dragged me to the corner of the factory. I explained what happened, but the team leader didn't believe what I said.The team leader also asked Fujita later. Of course, Fujita couldn't admit it, but the team leader didn't doubt him. Since that day, I have been isolated from everyone.I was taken off the production line and the main job became scheduling materials and moving boxed products to the shipping area.I would love to be seen as the black sheep of the messy teamwork.I also read alone during breaks when everyone was playing cards or poker noisily. Just when I started to feel depressed about the factory life, my roommate Xiaoshan secretly brought a girl into the dormitory.One day, when I finished the night shift and went back to the dormitory to sleep, Xiaoshan brought the girl into the room.We both startled each other.He asked for a special break that day, and seemed to have forgotten that I was on the night shift. "Her name is Naoko." Xiaoshan introduced me with a blushing face.It was a short haired, petite girl.She bowed her head coweringly to me. According to Xiaoshan, this is not the first time he has brought her into the dormitory. "Because I'm not the only one who brought women in." After speaking, Xiaoshan smiled wickedly. "I've seen a few people bring women in, too. But I'm not going to snitch on it. It's a good deal. You think so?" Xiaoshan was hinting at me, asking me not to publicize this matter.Of course, I didn't intend to make small reports. It turned out that Naoko lived in the women's dormitory of the same company.She was at the same time as us, working in another factory, and it seems that she met Xiaoshan through friendship.After chatting, I accidentally discovered something.Naoko actually graduated from the same high school as Yoko Ejiri.I cautiously asked her if she knew a classmate named Yoko Ejiri.Unexpectedly, Naoko blinked those big eyes and said that they were classmates, and they had a good relationship. "A classmate... In other words, it was in the first grade, right?" "Well, after all..." "I know." I nodded to stop her from continuing.Yoko only studied until the autumn of the first year of higher vocational education. Xiaoshan wanted to know what happened, so I told him about Yoko's suicide.Xiaoshan also whispered sadly: "It's really hard for her." "Then do you know why she committed suicide?" I asked Naoko.She lowered her head and said hesitantly, "There seem to be many rumors..." I sensed that she knew why. "I heard she's pregnant." I tried to catch her. "Well, I think it should be right. Because Yoko's mother is looking for a man who can make Yoko pregnant." My reasoning turned out to be correct. "Wait a minute. Did she commit suicide because she was pregnant?" Xiaoshan interjected, "Is it possible for this kind of thing to happen? In the high school I went to, there was a girl with a big belly, and I didn't see her worrying about anything in particular. Ah. When she graduated, she still had a big belly, standing with everyone with her head up and her chest up." "Everyone has a different idea. Besides, I don't think that girl has no worries at all." "yes?" "While attending the graduation ceremony with a big belly, it means that she intends to give birth to a child?" Naoko said. "If that's the case, I'll be a little embarrassed, but after all, I'm a child with someone I like, so I'm more happy than ashamed. However, if the child can't be born, it's another matter." "After all, she is only in the first year of a higher vocational school, and she can't give birth to a child." I said. "Then take the child away." "Don't make it so simple, taking a child and cutting the cecum are two different things." "Cecum cutting is more serious, isn't it? A woman I know had two abortions while in high school. She herself said nonchalantly, 'There's no hospitalization for an abortion.'" "She just looks like nothing happened." "Of course, she's still going to be a little bit annoyed, but I don't think she's going to kill herself." "So everyone handles it differently." When we were at loggerheads, Naoko said, "No." "The important thing is the boyfriend's mentality. If a girl feels that her boyfriend is thinking of herself, she should be able to endure the abortion even though she feels sad. But Yoko's situation is probably not like that." "What do you mean it's not like that?" I looked at Naoko's face. She first lowered her head, then raised her head and said, "Yoko did some strange things before committing suicide." "What's up?" "She climbed up and down the stairs of the school at a very fast speed. Time and time again, many girls have seen it, and I have seen it once." "What is she doing?" Xiaoshan asked. Naoko shook her head. "I didn't know it at the time. In addition, a strange thing happened. A friend of mine saw Yoko crying and talking on the public phone after school." "Who is she talking on the phone with?" I had a clue in my mind, but I still asked. "I don't know. But my friend heard something Yoko said." "What did she say?" My heartbeat started to speed up inexplicably. "The content is not very clear, but Yoko seems to be crying and saying that she wants to stop." "Want to stop? Stop what?" "She didn't seem to say it, she just kept crying and saying: 'I want to stop. I don't want to do this kind of thing anymore.' However, she seemed to be persuaded by the other party." "Yes. What's going on here?" Xiaoshan folded her arms, lost in thought. I glimpsed the truth of the matter, but I didn't want to deduce the part of me that was taking shape.Because, that's just too tragic and uncomfortable.I stared silently at the cracks in the old tatami for a long time. "I think this is too much." Naoko said suddenly. From this sentence, I knew that she also realized the meaning of Yoko's tears. "Too much?" The dull Xiaoshan didn't seem to understand. "That guy on the phone," I said. "He's probably the one who impregnated Yangzi." "Did she cry and say she didn't want to get pregnant?" "That's not the case. She's already pregnant, so what if she doesn't want to be pregnant?" "What's that like?" I looked at Naoko and met her eyes.She didn't seem to want to speak. "The man on the other side wants to have a miscarriage." I had no choice but to say. "Huh? Is that so?" Xiaoshan looked at me and Naoko in turn with a completely unexpected expression on his face. Naoko nodded slightly and said, "Probably so." "Haven't you heard? Pregnant women can't do strenuous exercise. Even going up and down stairs quickly." "I know that." Xiaoshan put her hands on the hair that was fixed with styling spray. "Why do you want her to do that kind of thing? Why don't you just take her to the hospital?" "Because it costs money to go to the hospital." "That's right." "Yoko's family is a single-parent family, so she doesn't want to cause trouble for her mother. Besides, she probably doesn't want to tell her mother that she is pregnant." "Can't the man get the money? Who told him to get her pregnant?" "That guy probably has no money." Or people who don't want to pay for something like that.The back view of Osamu Kuramochi playing backgammon suddenly appeared in my mind. "It's too much. So let her go up and down the stairs and force her to have a miscarriage? Then it's no wonder that she will cry and say that she wants to stop, which is natural." Xiaoshan was filled with righteous indignation. "Why does she obey him?" I whispered. "It should be that I have to do that. I think Yangzi also knows that she can't give birth to a child. If she has money, she can go to the hospital to remove the child without thinking too much. If she is more playful If it’s a girl, maybe she would think of telling her friends to raise money for an abortion.” Judging from her tone of voice, it seemed like a friend she knew did that. "And..." Naoko continued. "I guess she still likes that man, so she does what he says. She likes that man, and is afraid that if she disobeys him, the other party will hate herself." "She likes that kind of bad man?" "Yeah." Naoko nodded.Xiaoshan shook her head and murmured, "I really don't understand women." I couldn't sleep that day even though I had just finished my late shift.Even though I was lying on the boat and covered with a quilt, grief and indignation surged from my heart from time to time, making me toss and turn. Playing in the swimming pool with Ejiri Yoko is an irreplaceable and precious memory for me, but Kuramochi took it away and killed her by despicable means.That's right!Such an act is tantamount to murder. The image of Yoko silently going up and down the stairs in the deserted school building appeared in my mind.Panting and sweating profusely, she gritted her teeth and obeyed the orders of her beloved.There is nothing more painful than mutilating a pregnant body, not to mention it must be even more tragic if a beloved man orders you to do so.Even so, she wouldn't stop.Because she believes that only a smooth abortion can save a man's love.Or, she just lost her judgment because she was too desperate, and moved her feet mechanically? However, her mental state has reached a critical point, and once she crosses that line, everything in her heart will collapse.She stopped going up and down the stairs and went into the classroom.Perhaps it was the scenery seen from the classroom window that attracted her very much, or maybe it was because she thought that jumping off would eliminate all pain and annoyance. Yoko jumped off the stairs not based on a tragic determination, but in a dreamlike atmosphere.At least, I want to think so.If I don't think so, I really can't accept this fact. At this moment, my hatred for Cang Chixiu rekindled in my heart.Originally, because of the great change in his own destiny, that feeling had been sealed in the depths of his memory for a long time, but at this time it was vividly revived. You can't let that kind of man live—that excitement is different from the murderous thoughts that sprouted before.Not for himself, but for Yoko Ejiri.I'm going to kill him. -------------------------------- Note: