Chapter 12 Section 12

His father was obsessed with Zhimozi, and he went out almost every night, and when he came back, it was often not late at night, or the next morning. If the next day was on holiday, sometimes he would not come back until noon. He would only sleep in the room inside during the day, and he almost didn't care about the work of the administrator.The administrator's room is just a false name, but it is often empty.As a last resort, I sat in the caretaker's room after school, while the tenants complained one by one as if they had been waiting for a long time. "When will the lights in the corridor be changed? It's so dark, so dangerous."

"Didn't I say that the rain would leak from the upstairs balcony? It's been two weeks, why are you still procrastinating!" "Didn't I say that there is a dead cat under the window of my house. If you don't hurry up and help me dispose of it, I have a headache. What if it rots and stinks?" It's not that I haven't communicated these things to my father.I wrote them one by one in the management log or formally on the blackboard, and even told my father directly, but my father was mostly drunk, and I never saw him pay attention to the log or the blackboard.

However, it seems that some tenants still complain directly to him.One night, when we were having dinner, my father suddenly said in a low voice: "I didn't expect the apartment manager to do so many things. It's really hard." "Of course. The apartment manager is supposed to make the apartment comfortable and make everyone comfortable." I thought to myself, what the hell are you talking about now? Father pondered for a while, and then said: "Maybe it was a mistake to be an administrator. It seems that we should hire someone." I was taken aback when I heard that.We just don't have the spare money to hire people to become administrators, don't we?Besides, if we don't become caretakers, we won't even have a place to live.

Father was completely out of the mood for work.All he could think about was fooling around with women all day long.He wasn't such a wimp before.I hate that woman named Zhimozi from the bottom of my heart.It was she who degraded my respected father to this virtue. "I said Dad, you should have enough time." I said bluntly. My father, who was cooking rice, raised his head and looked at me with a look of "what are you talking about, you bastard". "I don't think it's a bad thing to have a woman you like. But, you don't need to go out every day, do you?"

My father couldn't hold back his face when I pointed out the matter of women.He tried to muddle through with an angry expression. "What stupid things are you talking about? How can this happen? You kid, don't talk nonsense there. I go out for work and entertainment. Children don't care about adults' affairs." "So, who do you meet with? What kind of work entertainment?" "Those things, if I tell you, you don't understand." "Father is lazy and neglects to do the administrator's work. In the end, I am not the one who is bothered. Please, handle the matter properly!"

"Whispering!" Dad patted the table with a "touch". "Shut up if you're still relying on me for food! It's just that you've got a part-time job in the summer vacation and then you've got stuck? Work isn't that easy!" Hearing this sentence, I couldn't help but look at my father's face.I didn't expect such words to come out of the mouth of a person who had completely lost the will to work.Rather than being angry, I find it ridiculous.If this was a joke, it would be too effective.However, the father's expression was serious. "It's that person, right? The one who went to Ginza together before."

Father's eyes widened.He probably didn't expect that his son would find out that his old relationship with Zhimozi had rekindled. I looked into my father's eyes and continued. "It's that man who caused us to be what we are now, isn't it?" "It's not her fault." "So you forgive her?" "That's not the problem." "It's human nature for you to want to see her. But, you don't have to go to their store for a drink every day? You can be like ordinary couples, wouldn't it be good to have a date on Sunday?"

"I just said it's not that itchy. Adults have their own world." Father picked up the newspaper and walked into the administrator's room. My accusation is absolutely valid.Since the two are in love, there is no need to go to the store specially, there is plenty of time to meet on holidays.I think my father must have thought so in his heart.Because this not only saves money, but also allows two people to be alone. But my father was probably afraid that Zhimozi would look down on him.He didn't want her to see his down and out side. After that, his father continued to visit the hotel where Shimako worked.I've seen the invoice from the hotel, and it says an amount I can't even imagine.It turned out that my father had been paying the hotel so much money.

Looking back now, my father's mood at that time should have been like stepping on a tightrope over hell.My family's economy has fallen into a predicament, and my savings have bottomed out. I don't know how my father looks at the declining numbers.Or has he made up his mind to turn a blind eye? However, no matter how you turn a blind eye, it is impossible to escape from reality.Soon after, my family ran out of money.I found out about this one evening. At that point, my father stayed in the caretaker's room strangely.I watched TV while eating instant noodles.I heard voices coming from the administrator's room. My father was talking to someone else.Because it was too strange, I listened attentively to their conversation.The other party was one of the tenants, a housewife with two children, and her husband worked for a private railway company.I opened the door slightly and peeked at their situation.I saw the back of my father who was sitting on the administrator's chair, but I couldn't see the housewife's face.

"Yes, I did take the rent. Here's the receipt," said the father. "Then, Mr. Administrator, please repair the glass over there quickly." "Okay, okay. I'll fix it next week." My father only liked that mouth.This perfunctory tone was the only thing he had learned. Then I saw an unbelievable scene - my father put the housewife's rent into his wallet.According to the previous practice, it should have been stored in the safe, and it will be deposited in the bank after the rent of all the tenants has been collected. I closed the door quietly, because I was afraid that if I looked at it again, I would not know what kind of ugly scene I would see.However, against my will, this time I heard the sound of making a phone call.

"Hey, it's me. What are you doing?... Oh, that's it. No, it's nothing. I'm just wondering if I should eat something before I go to the store... I Think about it, how about crabs? It’s almost the season for crabs.” Listening to my father's voice, I felt that my body was falling into a dark abyss.I pray that my father is not so stupid as this. But my prayers didn't come true.After my father went out, I walked into the administrator's room and looked at the rent account book. It was recorded that all the above-average tenants had paid the rent.Then, I opened the safe, and there was only a little change left in it, not even a piece of Prince Shotoku. I collapsed into a "big" character in front of the opened safe, and I didn't have the strength to get up, so I just lay there for a while. Obviously I don't have any savings, but I squander the rent I just collected, of course I can't live on.Besides, the loan to build the apartment has not yet been paid off. Even in such a tight situation, my father still didn't come back to his senses.He still keeps patronizing the hotel where Shimoko works, not only that, but also seems to give her expensive clothes and jewelry from time to time. Perhaps my father had completely given up on himself.I think my father has already made up his mind to go bankrupt, and even if he goes bankrupt, he will give his property to the woman who finally came back to him.That's the only way I can explain my father's behavior.For the father whose right hand is disabled, who has lost social status, property and relatives, he can only cling to the young body of Zhimozi. However, the dilemma of having no money is cruelly reflected in real life.Stealing the rent should be the father's last resort. I don't know when, the number of times my father went out at night has been greatly reduced.If he is willing to give up Zhimozi, I have nothing to say, but unfortunately this is not the case at all. He is just unable to go out and spend more often because his treasury is bottomed out.The evidence is that my father would call late at night: "Hey, it's me. Did you just get home? ... how is that possible? I called you thirty minutes ago ... why did you come back so late? The store should Have you made a sample already?...then there is no other way, don't make it too late!" At that time, I didn't know how many times I overheard my father muttering on the phone.Father can no longer go to the store to consume, and is relatively very concerned about what Mozi will do.Every night when Zhimozi was about to go home, he would dial the phone.Hearing my father's deep voice in the dark, shaking the air in the room, was creepy. It is said that one day, that day was the anniversary of the founding of the school, and it was a day off, so I stayed at home from the morning.After noon, I went out to buy stationery and saw my father on the way home.I judged from the direction my father was going that he was probably going to the station. I suddenly had a bad feeling.From the dark sunglasses and hunched back of his father, it can be felt that he seems to want to avoid the eyes of others.I immediately followed behind my father.I thought to myself, how many times have I followed my father? After my father bought a tram ticket, my doubts became more certain.During that time, my father rarely went out by tram. After I showed my ticket to the station attendant, I went through the ticket gate and watched my father from a little distance away on the platform.My father didn't seem to notice me at all.He was holding a box from a famous bakery in one hand.Soon, the tram pulled into the station.I saw my father get in the car, and I followed suit. Father got off at the third stop.I didn't expect it to be so close, and I couldn't help thinking: "It's so close, I can get there by bicycle." It was a residential area with few shops, so it was not easy to keep track.If my father turns around, he might find me.However, the father's heart was completely occupied by the people he was going to meet later.Father arrived in front of a brand new white high-end apartment and walked in very naturally.I found a spot where I could see the hallway outside the apartment and waited for my father to show up.He appeared in the corridor on the second floor, stopped before the second door, and took the key out of his pocket to open the door.From the behavior of my father, I knew this was another nest for him. After waiting for about 30 minutes, my father still did not come out, so I resolutely decided to enter the high-end apartment to find out. I stood in front of the door through which my father entered the house, and listened attentively to the movement inside.It's a pity that it's not as simple as my broken apartment, where you can't hear anything.I stared helplessly at the door, but there was no sign on the door. After a while, I heard voices in the room and felt movement on the other side of the door.I fled from the door in a panic. I hid in the corner of the corridor to observe the situation.Soon, the door opened and his father came out, followed by Zhimozi.He is wearing a sweater with a lotus leaf skirt, and his hair is naturally tied into a ponytail at the back of his head. "Then I'll come back tomorrow," said the father. "Waiting for you." Zhimozi said. She watched her father go up the stairs. I waited for Shimoko to enter the room before taking a step forward.However, just as I passed the door of her room, the door opened without warning, and I almost bumped into her who came out.I hurriedly stopped in my tracks, and met her eyes with a look of astonishment. The last time I saw her was a few years ago.I thought it was impossible for her to remember me, so I passed the residential area in front of her as if nothing had happened, but after I walked a few meters forward, she suddenly called out to me: "Wait a minute." I had to turn around a little bit.Shimoko walked towards me. "You belong to Mr. Tajima..." I was surprised that she remembered me.That being the case, I couldn't pretend to be stupid, so I nodded slightly. "That's right. I haven't seen you for a while. You've grown up. By the way, why are you here?" Of course I couldn't say why, so I kept silent. "You followed your father here?" I still had to keep silent, but that was no different from default. "That's it." Zhimozi understood him.She crossed her arms and looked at me. "What do you find me for?" I was going to say nothing.But suddenly a new idea popped into my mind. "I have something to ask you." I changed my original silent attitude. "Please me? Yes." She nodded, and after thinking for a while, she said, "Then come in." She opened the door without saying a word. As soon as you enter the door, there is a corridor, and there is a dining room inside. Next to the dining room is a Japanese room. There are small tea tables, TV sets and wardrobes in the Japanese room. Everything you buy looks brand new.However, my eyes fell on the corrugated cardboard box in the corner.In addition to there, there are also many corrugated boxes piled up in the corner of the dining room. "I just moved here, and I haven't tidied up my things yet." "Have you moved here?" "Yes." Zhimozi asked me to sit down on the chair.I sat down in silence. "So, what do you want me to do?" She started boiling water and took out a teacup and teapot from the table.One of the teacups must have been used by my father.I imagine the two of them sitting here facing each other. I took a deep breath.Seeing how nervous I was, she smiled.Maybe it's funny how nervous a high school student looks. I worked up the courage to say, "I want you to break up with my father." The smile on Zhimozi's face disappeared instantly, but the corners of his mouth immediately relaxed. "why?" "Because you don't love my father. If so, why do you do this..." "Why are you dealing with him like this?" I looked at her face and lifted my chin. Shimoko took a deep breath. "I don't hate your father. And he's been good to me, and I'm grateful to him. Isn't that okay?" "You won't get married, will you?" "Married? He didn't mention it to me at all, so I didn't think about it." I thought to myself, how is it possible?The father clearly wanted Zhimozi to become his exclusive woman. "Our relationship is not what you think it is," she explained. "Marriage doesn't mean everything. When people grow up, some things are very complicated." She looked like she wanted to say "you will know someday". "But, my family was harmed by you." "how do I say this?" "My family is completely out of money. My dad hasn't been drinking lately, has he? He has no money to go." Hearing what I said, she sneered with a "hum". "How is it possible? Your family has such a big high-end apartment, and the rent can't be collected. Your father didn't come to the store because he was busy, right?" "It's not a high-end apartment, but a broken apartment. Not only are we in debt, but my dad has already spent all this month's rent." "No way?" "I'm telling the truth. So, please don't ask my dad to spend any more money." "This……" Water vapor emerges from the mouth of the teapot, making a sound of "咻咻".Shimoko turned off the gas stove, but didn't intend to make tea. "You say that, I'm very troubled. Mr. Tajima himself came to see me. He also rented this room to me." I am speechless.In fact, I noticed this when I saw my father take out the key. At this time, the phone on the corrugated box rang.Shimoko apologized to me and picked up the phone. "Hello... oh...well, I just have a friend over at the house right now. So... um, ok." She hung up the phone quickly, looked at me and said, "It's from the store. Um...just now Where are you talking?" "Can you break up with my dad?" Hearing my question, she tilted her head and remained silent for a while before speaking. "I will consider." "My dad must have a problem with his head." Shimoko stared at my face seriously, and said, "Maybe." When I got home, my father lay in front of the TV and drank beer.I went into the next room and sat at my desk pretending to be doing my homework, but my heart was filled with anger at my father.He made our lives so shabby, and made that woman luxurious.In addition to renting a high-end apartment to her, he must have bought furniture and electrical appliances for her. At this time, for the first time, the intention to kill my father emerged in my heart.Of course, I didn't really want to kill my father, but I did fantasize about it several times.Whenever I saw the back of my father, sloppy drunk and asleep like a northern sea lion, I wanted to strangle him by the neck. I also thought about killing Shimoko.There is a bit of seriousness in the fantasy mood of killing her.Thinking of the contempt on Zhimozi's face, I imagined many times in my mind the scene of squeezing her slender neck tightly.I think I have enough motives to kill.I will not be blamed by guilt, and speaking of it, this should be regarded as a justifiable act of killing. However, whenever I want to put it into action, it is always so close.Although the fantasy of killing Shimako made me emotional, the thought of being arrested by the police after the fact stopped me from thinking about killing her. On a cold evening, three hell messengers finally came. The three were dressed in suits and leather shoes, about thirty or forty years old, one of them was wearing gold-rimmed glasses and carrying a large black briefcase; the other two stood beside him like subordinates. The man with gold-rimmed glasses asked me, "Is your dad there?" At that time, I happened to be in the administrator's room.I told him that my father was in the inner room.The three opened the door to the inner room without even saying hello. I heard my father's panicked voice.Someone entered the house without authorization, and he was supposed to be angry, but my father seemed to be afraid.After the three entered the room, they slammed the door hard.I can barely hear their conversation.Only one sentence from my father escaped through the crack of the door."I'll figure it out," he said, his voice small and trembling. Not long after, three men opened the door and came out.They don't even look at me.When the man with gold-rimmed glasses walked out of the administrator's room, he turned around and said, "Then, it's next month." Father bowed his head in the inner room. "What next month?" I asked my father after the three men returned. "nothing." "How can there be nothing..." "Long-winded!" Father suddenly lay down on the ground. "It has nothing to do with children." Looking at my father's back, I was sure something ominous was about to happen. From that day on, my father became more and more emaciated.But when I think about it afterwards, maybe my father was already emaciated earlier.He knew very well that there would be regional envoys who wanted his life to come to his house. Father was losing weight day by day.His complexion was very poor, his face always had a layer of oily shine, his eye sockets were sunken, his skin was inelastic, and the flesh on his cheeks was ugly and sagging.The bloodshot eyes are probably due to poor sleep. But even so, he still goes out from time to time.He must be going to Zhimozi.I think he is facing a catastrophe, but he still wants to indulge in the short-term happiness. Two weeks later, in the middle of dinner, my father suddenly said, "Kazuki, what do you think of your aunt who lives in Matsudo?" "Aunt who lives in Matsudo?" She is a relative on my father's side, and I haven't met a few times. "What about...?" "You don't hate her, do you?" "No, I neither hate nor like..." "Really?" The father who was eating vegetarian udon noodles put down his chopsticks. "You go to Matsudo's aunt for the time being. I will say hello to her in advance." "What do you mean by going to her?" "Well. I said Hexing, we won't be able to live here soon." I think it's finally time to come.The chopsticks slipped from my hands. "This is how the same thing……?" "Well, here, I sold it to someone else." "Sold to others... But, why?" I felt the blood rushing to my forehead. "It's a long story, and I'll tell you later. All in all, it's decided." "If you do this, what will you do in the future? Dad, will you do other jobs?" "Well, yes." My father avoided my sight and replied in a low voice. "do what?" "I haven't decided yet." "But." "No problem. I'll pick you up right away. Until then, you stay in Matsudo, understand? I'll ask your aunt to let you go to high school." "No. I don't want to live in that strange place. Why are you selling the apartment? You don't sell it." "The matter has been decided. You are not a child anymore, bear with me!" "I don't want it! I don't even want it to be killed!" I stood up. "Hexing!" "What! Suddenly said that it has nothing to do with children, and then said that you are not a child anymore, bear with me, you are too selfish!" I kicked the dining table down.The large bowl on the dining table was overturned, and all the white noodles and soup spilled out, but there was no decent material inside. I put on my shoes and rushed out of the house.I didn't hear my father stop it. I don't remember how long I wandered the streets at night, I just remember wandering around parks, stations and shopping streets. After returning home, his father was nowhere to be seen.The dining table I knocked over was tidied up, and the messes were cleaned up.I want to drink water, go to the kitchen. I opened the door under the counter, and the kitchen knife that was supposed to be stuck in the door was gone. I instantly felt hot all over.I noticed where my father had gone, put on my shoes again, and rode on the bicycle in front of the apartment. I got off the car in front of Shimako's high-end apartment and rushed up the stairs.I went to the door and turned the handle. The door was unlocked.I rushed into the house.It was pitch black.I fumbled for the light switch on the wall and turned it on, but the light didn't come on. I opened the door, relying on the light coming in from outside the house, I saw a pair of old leather shoes that seemed familiar.Those are my father's shoes.Other than that, no other shoes in sight.Once the door was closed, the room was once again shrouded in darkness. I smeared and went inside and stepped into the dining room, feeling different from when I came here before.I stood where I was, waiting for my eyes to get used to the darkness. After a while, the appearance of the inside of the house vaguely appeared in front of my eyes.I sensed that something was wrong, in a word, the look of the place had changed completely.The house was empty.The dining table, the chairs I sat on, the corrugated cardboard boxes were all gone. I looked at the next room and was startled.It was empty there, only a black figure in the center of the room.That figure must be the father.He sat cross-legged on the ground with his back to me. I understood immediately.Zhimozi escaped.She must have guessed from her father's haggard appearance that this man was penniless.It's fine if you don't have money, maybe you will still rely on yourself, and that will be troublesome.She must have thought so, so she disappeared last night or this morning.Of course, he also took away the things he cheated from his father. A kitchen knife fell at my feet.It must have been brought by my father.Maybe the father wanted to kill Shimozi and then commit suicide.I picked up the kitchen knife and looked at my father's back again. What a tragic back, what a stupid person! Instead of hatred, what came to my heart was closer to disgust.Hate myself for having to suffer like this because I am the son of such a fool.That back view is so unpleasant. Holding the kitchen knife in my hand, I took a step closer to my father. "You want to stab me?" said the father suddenly.The sound sounded like it was coming from the bottom of an ancient well. I am stiff. "Poke if you want," my father said, and turned slowly to face me.He sat upright and bowed his head. "I'm sorry to have a father who is not good enough like me." The moment I saw him in that pose, I felt extremely disgusted.I raised the kitchen knife up to my shoulder, and then I just had to swing the knife hard to chop people. At this time, my father raised his head. "Or, shall we die together?" I saw my father's face covered with tears, but he was smiling.A faint smile. I felt a cold wind blow through my heart and take something away at the same time.Something called a spur of the moment.I lost the courage to swing the kitchen knife. "What's wrong?" asked the father. I am powerless to answer.I put down my right hand, and the kitchen knife slipped from my hand. I then turned around and walked towards the entrance.He even put on his shoes and walked out the door without looking back.