Chapter 16 Chapter Sixteen

"Do you mind if I stay a few more days, Dad?" Michel asked. "No, of course not. I'm happy. Is there any problem with the company?" "Yes," Michael said. "I called them. I don't have to go back until this week. They're very sensible. Tina isn't leaving until next week," he said. He went to the window, looked out, put his hands in his pockets, and stared up at the bookshelves.Then he opened his mouth nervously and awkwardly. "You know, Dad, I really appreciate everything you've done for me. Just recently I realized—uh, how ungrateful I've been."

"There's absolutely no question of being grateful," Leo Argyle said. "You're my son, Michel. I've always seen you that way." "Strange way to treat a child," Michel said. "You never put on the airs of the head of the family to me." Leo Argyle smiled, his distant smile. "Do you really think that's the only function of a father?" he said. "Command and control his children?" "No," Michel said. "No. I don't think so," he went on hastily. "I'm a bloody fool," he said. "Yeah. A goddamned jerk. It's funny in a way. You know what I want to do, what I want to do? Take a job with an oil company in the Persian Gulf. That's what mother wants to arrange The job that got me started - the oil company. But I didn't want to! Go out and make my own way."

"You were at that age," Leo said, "to want to choose for yourself, and to hate being chosen for you. You've always been that way, Michel. If we're going to buy you a red sweater, you insist you Ask for blue, but maybe red is what you've always wanted." "Real enough," Michelle said with a short laugh. "I've always been a dissatisfied guy." "Just being young," Leo said. "Just like being free. Worrying about someone tying you up like a horse, saddling you, controlling you. We all have a period of time like that in our lives, but we've got to figure it out eventually."

"Yeah, I guess so," Michel said. "I'm glad," said Leo, "that you've got this plan for the future, and I don't think, you know, just being a car show salesman is good enough for you. There's nothing bad about it, but there's nothing wrong with it." Great deal." "I like cars," Michel said. "I like to get to know them thoroughly. I can give a long speech if I have to. A lot of sycophantic sycophantic talk, but I don't like that kind of life, fuck it. Anyway, it's a job with car hauling Related work. Deployment of vehicles. Very heavy work."

"You know," Leo said, "anytime you want to buy yourself whatever business you think is worth it, the money's always there waiting for you. You know about the discretionary trust, and as long as the plan goes through, I'm very happy." Willing to authorize any necessary funds to be released to you. We will listen to the experts. But the money is there and ready to go - if you want it." "Thank you, Dad, but I don't want to depend on you for a living." "It's not a matter of idle food, Michel, it's your money. It's really arranged for you and other children's money. I just have the authority to decide what to give and how to give it. But it's not mine. Money, and it's not me giving you money. It's your money."

"It's mother's money, actually," Michel said. "The trust was set up years ago," Leo said. "I don't want a dime!" Michel said. "I don't want to touch it! I can't! As it stands. I can't." He blushed suddenly when his eyes met his father's."I—I didn't really mean to say that," he said uneasily. "Why can't you touch it?" Leo said. "We adopted you. That is to say, we are fully responsible for you, financially and otherwise. It is our responsibility to bring you up as our son and to provide for your needs properly. "

"I want to be self-reliant," Michel said. "Yeah. I know you're thinking... Well, all right, Michel, but if you change your mind, remember the money's there for you." "Thanks, Dad. It's good of you to understand. Or at least, not to understand, and let me do what I mean. I wish I could explain better. You know, I don't want to take advantage because—I Not because—oh, fuck it, it's so hard to talk—” There was almost a knocking sound on the door. "That's Philip, I think," said Leo Argyle. "Will you open the door for him, Michel."

Michael went to open the door and Philip wheeled his chair in.He grinned happily at them both. "Are you busy?" he asked Leo. "Just let me know if you're busy. I'll keep quiet and not disturb you, just browse the books on the shelf." "No," said Leo, "I have nothing to do this morning." "Gwenda isn't there?" Philip asked. "She called and said she had a headache and couldn't come today," Leo said.The voice was flat and expressionless. "I understand," said Philip. Mike said: "Well, I'll dig Tina out. Let her go for a walk. That girl hates fresh air."

He went out, brisk and active on his feet. "I'm mistaken," Philip asked, "or has Michel changed lately and doesn't frown at the world like he used to?" "He's grown up," Leo said. "It took him quite a while." "Well, he picked a strange time to be cheerful," said Philip. "The encounter with the police yesterday was not very encouraging, don't you think?" Leo said calmly: "Of course it is painful to reopen the case." "A man like Michel now," Philip pushed the wheelchair along the bookshelf, pulling out a book or two ramblingly, "do you think he has a conscience?"

"That's a curious question, Philip." "No, not really. I was thinking of him just now. Like an idiot. Some people can't really feel the pain of a crime, or a conscience, or even remorse for what they did. Jack is." "Yes," said Leo, "Jack is." "And I'm suspicious of Michael," Philip said.He paused, then continued in an indifferent voice. "Do you mind if I ask you a question? How much do you really know about the background of these children you adopted?" "Why do you want to know, Philip?" "Just curious, I suppose. You know, always wondering how much genetics plays into it."

Leo didn't answer.Philip's eyes lit up.watched him with great interest. "Perhaps," he said, "I am disturbing you by asking this question." "Oh," Leo said, standing up, "after all, why are you asking these questions? You're part of the family. These are very relevant questions right now, and there's no way to fake it. But we kids, like you Said, was not adopted in the normal way. Mary, your wife, was formally and legally adopted, but the others were less formal. Jack was an orphan, handed over to us by one of his old grandmothers. She was killed in an air raid and he stayed with us. Simple as that. Michael was a bastard. His mother was only interested in men. She asked for a hundred pounds and we gave her. We never knew Tina's mother Why. She never wrote to the children, never asked her to go back after the war, and it's impossible to find her." "And what about Hester?" "Hester was also an illegitimate child. Her mother was a young Irish nurse. She married a GI shortly after Hester came to us. She begged us to keep the child. She wasn't going to tell her husband about having had a child. anything. She went back to America with her husband at the end of the war, and we never heard from her again." "It's all tragic births on the one hand," said Philip. "It's all poor little guys that no one wants." "Yes," Leo said. "That's what made Rachel so invested in them. She was determined to make them feel wanted, to give them a real home, to be their real mother." "It's a good thing," said Philip. "It's just—it's just not actually what she'd hoped it would be," Leo said. "She doesn't think the blood is important. But the blood does, you know. There's usually something, a certain temperament, a certain feeling about your own children, and you know it without saying it. Adopted Children have no such blood connection with you. You have no intuitive understanding of them. Of course you judge them by yourself, by your own thoughts and feelings, but know that your thoughts and feelings may be related to theirs. It's wise to be very different from feeling." "I think you've been aware of that all along," said Philip. "I warned Rachel," Leo said, "but of course she didn't believe it, didn't want to believe it, she wanted them to be her own children." "Tina has always been a dark horse in my mind," Philippe said. "Perhaps because she is half human. Who is the father, do you know?" "He's a sailor or something, I believe. Possibly an East Indian sailor. Mother," added Leo dryly, "you can't tell." "I don't know how she reacted, or what she was thinking, she said so little." Philip paused, and then suddenly asked the question: "What does she know about it that she hasn't said?" He saw Leo Argyle's hand stop turning over the papers.There was a silence, then Leo said: "Why do you think she knows something and doesn't say it?" "Come on, that's pretty obvious, isn't it?" "It wasn't obvious to me," Leo said. "She knows something," said Philip. "What do you think is harmful to a particular person?" "I think, Philip, if you will forgive me, that it is rather unwise to dwell on such things. It is easy to imagine many things out of thin air." "Are you warning me not to interfere?" "Is this really your business, Philip?" "Does that mean I'm not a policeman?" "Yes, that's exactly what I meant. The police had to do their job. They had to investigate." "And you don't want to investigate, maybe you know who did it. Do you?" "No." Leo's abrupt and forceful answer startled Philip. "No," Leo said, tapping his hand on the table.He was suddenly not the fragile, thin, withdrawn man Philip knew so well. "I don't know who did it! Do you hear? I don't know. I don't know at all. I don't—I don't want to know."