Chapter 18 Chapter Three: Schweik's Adventures in Jilari-Sida⑴

The 91st Regiment marched to Brook City on the Rita River (2), and from there to Gilari-Sida. After three days of confinement, Schweik was three hours away from being released.At this moment he was taken with a dereliction of duty volunteer officer to the general guard's quarters, and from there to the railway station.Residents of Budjuwais are gathering at the station to see off the regiment.This was not a formal farewell ceremony, but the square in front of the station was crowded with people, all waiting for the army to arrive. Schweik felt that he should indeed applaud the crowd and wave his cap.His hand was so sensational that it caused cheers in the whole square.The corporal escorting Schweik was in a hurry, and he yelled at Schweik to shut up.But the cheers were like a blizzard, and the momentum became louder and louder.Countless hats, big and small, were waved together, gradually becoming a general demonstration.At the windows of the hotels opposite the station, some women cheered by raising their handkerchiefs.One zealot took the opportunity to shout "Down with the Serbs!" but in the ensuing scuffle, the man appeared to be trampled down again.

Just at that moment Father Rasina (chaplain of the 7th Cavalry Division) appeared suddenly wearing a felt hat with a wide brim. His origin is very simple.It was the first day he had come to Budijuweis, and the officers of the regiment who were about to depart had a small reception, and he also got involved.He ate and drank a lot, and then followed him to the officer's mess hall while he was still generally sober, and sweetly asked the cook for some leftovers.After a good meal of dough and gravy, he went into the kitchen again, where he found rum.He gulped down the rum, and then went back to the farewell reception.He drank again and made a splash.In the morning it occurred to him that he should really see that the soldiers of the 1st Battalion of the Regiment had been properly sent off, so he went to the front of the station and followed the escort.The escort shouted "Stop!" to him, telling him to stop.

"Where are you going?" asked the corporal sharply. At this moment Schweik interrupted kindly: "Father, they're taking us to Brook. If you like, you can ride with us." "Then I will come," declared Father Laciner.Then he turned around and said to the escort: "Who says I can't come? Turn around and walk quickly!" After entering the confinement car, the priest lay down on the seat.The kind Schweik took off his military overcoat and put it under his head. So the priest stretched comfortably in his seat, and began to talk like this: "Everyone, if you add mushrooms to this dish of braised mushrooms, the taste will be even better. To be honest, the more mushrooms, the better, but the mushrooms Got to simmer the shallots first, then add some laurel leaves, and shallots—”

"You've let the green onion go once." The volunteer officer protested.The corporal had a look of surprise in his eyes. He saw that Father Racine was drunk, but he also recognized him as a superior officer.In this way, the corporal will be in trouble. "Yes," said Schweik, "the priest's words are right. The more onions the better. No matter how you cook them, onions are good for you. If you have wine thorns on your face, eat fried onions." It will be fine." At this time, Father Racine was talking to himself with a half-loud voice like a dream: "It all depends on what ingredients you put in and how much you put in. Don't put too much pepper, and you can't put too much curry..."

The more he spoke, the slower and smaller his voice became. "...or too many mushrooms...too...too much...lemon...too...too much cardamom...too...too much...clove..." He gradually lost his voice, fell asleep, snored, and occasionally blew a thin whistle from his nose.The corporal stared at him, and the escort soldiers covered their mouths and laughed secretly. "He won't wake up anytime soon," Schweik said after a while. "He's very drunk." "It's all right," Schweik continued when the corporal beckoned him to shut up nervously. "Can't think of a way to wake him up. He's drunk as prescribed. (3) His rank is captain. All these chaplains, no matter what rank, drink a terrible amount of alcohol. I once gave old Ka Z was an orderly, and he drank like a fish drank water. He's a far cry from Katz. We sent the sanctuary to the pawnshop once to get drunk. If we can find someone to lend us money, I think we will pawn the kingdom of heaven."

The corporal, already in a desperate situation, said: "I think I'd better go and report." "You'd better not go," said the volunteer officer. "You are in charge of the escort, and you can't go away. And as a rule, you can't send an escort to deliver the letter unless you find someone to take his place. See, your position is very embarrassing. Corporal, I fear you will fall behind." To a relegation." The corporal panicked, and repeated that the priest had not been put into the carriage, but had come in himself.The priest is his superior. "Here you are the only superior," insisted the volunteer officer.

The corporal faltered, unable to answer, and insisted that Schweik had first told the priest that he could come with them. "Corporal, no one will take offense at what I do," replied Schweik, "because I am stupid. But you are also stupid if no one believes you." "Have you been a soldier for many years?" the volunteer officer asked casually. "It's been three years this year. I'm going to be promoted to Sergeant." "Don't be delusional," said the volunteer officer without sympathy. "You remember my words, you will be demoted."

The priest squirmed. "He's snoring," Schweik said. "I'll bet he'd dreamed he'd had a hard drink. Anyway, that old Katz--the one I used to be an orderly, that's what he was. I remember one time--" So Schweik described what happened to Otto Katz in such detail and interestingly that he personally experienced it, so that no one felt that time had passed.But after a while, the volunteer officer returned to his previous topic. "It's strange," he said to the corporal, "how come you haven't seen an inspector? According to the rules, you should have reported our boarding to the train conductor when you were at the station, not in a drunken Time wasted on the priest."

The distressed corporal remained silent stubbornly, staring at the electric poles whizzing by outside the car window. "And," continued the volunteer officer. "According to the order issued on November 21, 1879, military prisoners must be transported in cars with iron bars on the windows. Our windows have iron bars. But the order also stipulates: There must be a container for drinking water. You did not obey this part of the order. By the way, do you know where to get the dry food? do not you know?I've already made up my mind.You are totally incompetent! " "You think, Corporal," said Schweik, "it's not a joke to escort prisoners like us. You have to take good care of us. We are not like ordinary soldiers who can move around by themselves. You have to send us everything. Come here. The rules are set like this, you have to abide by them, otherwise, you will break the law and discipline.”

The corporal was now in despair, and he said nothing.He stared blankly out of the car window, and did not interfere with the disturbance of order in the confinement car. Suddenly the priest fell from his seat and continued to sleep on the floor.The corporal stared blankly at him.While everyone was watching with bated breath, he alone dragged the priest to his seat.He had obviously lost all authority.When he weakly murmured, "You can always help me grab him", the escort soldiers just stared at each other, refusing to even lift their little fingers. "You should just let him snore where he is," Schweik said. "That's what I did with my priest. Wherever he fell asleep, I let him sleep and didn't move him. Once at home, he went to sleep in the wardrobe; another time, He slept in other people's bathtubs. He has slept in all kinds of places."

At this moment, the train steamed into the station.The inspection will be held here. The staff sent Dr. Moraz, a reserve officer, as train commander.Reserve officers are often sent on such inexplicable errands.Dr. Moraz has messed everything up.Although he taught mathematics in a middle school before enlisting in the army, the train was short of a carriage, and he could not find out his whereabouts no matter what.In addition, he had received the roster at the previous stop, but he could not match the roster with the number of officers and soldiers who boarded the train at Budiuweis.Also, he checked the files, and it looked like there were two more in the field kitchen, though he couldn't figure out where they came from.In addition, he was surprised to find that the number of horses had also mysteriously increased.In addition, among the officers, two alternate officers were missing, which he could not track down.Also, a typewriter was missing from the wing guard room in the front compartment.As a result, the massive chaos left Dr. Moraz with a splitting headache.He had swallowed two aspirins and was inspecting the train wistfully. After he followed the messenger into the confinement car, he looked at the documents, then listened to the report from the dejected descendant, and checked the number again.Then he looked around the carriage. "Who is that person you imprisoned?" He pointed at the priest and asked sternly.The priest was now asleep on his stomach, his buttocks in a defiant position to the examiner. "Report sir," stammered the corporal. "Is……" "What is it?" growled Dr. Moraz. "Why don't you just say it straight?" "Sir," interrupted Schweik, "that fellow sleeping on his stomach is a priest, and he's a little dizzy from drinking. He got in our car with us, and since he's a superior, we couldn't throw him out, or we'd be guilty of superiority, as they say.I think he probably mistook the confinement car for the staff car. " Dr. Moraz sighed, then looked intently at his file.The roster does not mention any priest who hitchhiked to Brook.He twitched his eyes nervously.Suddenly there were more horses at the last stop, and now, another priest fell out of nowhere in the confinement car. He had to order the corporal to turn the sleeping man over, because in his present position it was impossible to recognize who he was. After much effort, the corporal managed to turn the priest on his back.As a result, he woke up.Seeing Dr. Moraz, he said, "Hi, old chap, how are you! Is supper ready?" Then, closing his eyes again, he turned his face toward the wall. Dr. Moraz recognized the glutton who vomited in the officers' mess the day before, and he sighed. "You'll have to report to the guardhouse yourself for that," he said to the corporal. At that moment the priest awoke in all his grandeur and dignity.He sat up and asked in surprise, "My God, where am I?" When the corporal saw that the great man had woken up, he replied flatteringly, "Report sir, are you in the confinement vehicle?" In an instant, a look of astonishment passed over the priest's face.He sat there for a while in silence, thinking deeply.He thought in vain.Between what had happened the night before and the moment when he woke up in the railroad car with the bars on the windows lay a misty abyss.Finally, he asked the corporal who was still flattering in front of him: "But whose order am I following..." "Report to the officer, and no one will accept it." The priest got up and began to pace up and down, muttering to himself: I don't understand.Then he sat down again and said, "Where are we going?" "Report sir, drive to Brooke." "What are we going to Brooke for?" "Report sir, all of the Ninety-first Regiment—our regiment, set off there." The priest began to rack his brains again to recall everything: how he got into the carriage, and why he didn't go anywhere else, only with the 91st Regiment to Brook, accompanied by the escort.He was now sober enough to recognize the volunteer officer's presence.He said to the officer, "You seem to be a smart fellow. Perhaps you can tell me, without being vague, how I came to you." "I'd be more than happy to tell you," said the volunteer officer kindly. "You came to us at the station this morning, not because of anything else, but because your head is a little dizzy." The corporal scowled at him. "So you got into our car," the volunteer officer continued. "That's it. You slumped on your seat, and as this Schweik put the military coat under your head. When the train was inspected at the last station, you, if I may say it, were officially Found out, and our corporal is going to have to sue the guards for your sake." "I see, I see," sighed the priest. "At the next stop, I'd better move to the staff car. Do you know if lunch is open?" "There won't be lunch until Vienna," the corporal announced. "It was you who put the army coat under my head," said the priest to Schweik. "Take care." "Nothing," Schweik replied. "Anyone who sees his superior officer with an empty head and a little drunk will do that, and that's all I did. Every soldier has a duty to respect his superior officer, even if the officer is drunk. It's not a big deal. I'm pretty good with priests, too, because I've been an orderly for Otto Katz. Priests like to drink, and they're a lot of fun." Because of the carousing of the day before, the priest felt that he wanted to make friends with anyone he met.He took out a cigarette and handed it to Schweik and said, "Suck one." "I hear you'll have to sue the guard for me," the abbe said again to the corporal. "But don't worry, I can definitely save you." He turned around and said to Schweik, "Come with me. You must have a happy life." He became very generous and generous, and made a wish to everyone.He promised chocolate candy to volunteer officers, rum to escort soldiers, and promised to transfer the corporal to the photography team of the staff headquarters of the 7th Attached Cavalry Division.In a word, he promised everyone to have a comfortable life, and no one would forget it. "I don't want any of you to blame me," he said. "I've known a lot of people who wouldn't do anything wrong if I took care of you for a day. If you did anything wrong, of course you'd be punished like men. I can see you're taking pleasure in what God puts in you. burden on your shoulders." "Why are you being punished?" he asked Schweik, turning to him. "The burden that God has placed on my shoulders," replied Schweik devoutly, "is from the guardhouse. Because I was late in arriving at the regiment, but that's not my fault." "God is merciful and just," said the priest gravely. "He knows who is to be punished, because that's how his omnipotence is shown. So why are you here?" he asked the volunteer officer. "Because of my arrogance," replied the volunteer officer. "When my atonement expires, I'll be beaten to the kitchen." "Great is the providence of God!" said the priest, delighted at the word "kitchen." "Indeed, as long as a person is a piece of material, the kitchen is a great place, and he can show his skills. For a resourceful person, the kitchen is the most suitable place. What is important is not the cooking itself, but the cooking of a dish. All kinds of flavors are put together and blended together properly. One has to be careful to do that kind of thing well. For example, vegetable juice. When a smart person makes onion juice, he must use all kinds of vegetables and put them in butter Steam, then put cardamom, pepper, and add cardamom, a little clove, ginger, etc. But an ordinary cook just boils some shallots, and then pours some greasy broth. I hope you can Got an errand in the officers' mess. Last night the officers' club at Budjowes opened us a raimas with kidneys and white wine. Pray to God for forgiveness of all the sins of the man who made that dish. His workmanship is indeed Smart. I also ate kidney and white wine in the officer's club of the 64th Militia Regiment, but they put coriander seeds there, just like pepper in ordinary restaurants. Well, I'll sleep before the car arrives in Vienna A while. You might as well wake me up when you get there." "You," he said, turning to Schweik, "go to our mess hall, get a cutlery and other utensils, and get me a lunch. Tell them Father Racine asked for it, and you will be sure." Get me a double. Then bring me a bottle of wine from the kitchen. And a lunch box, and ask them to pour some rum." Father Racine fumbled in his pocket. "Well," said the corporal, "I have no change. Lend me a guinea. That's all right, take it. What's your name?" "Shuaike." "Very well, Schweik, here is a gold coin, you can use it for business. Corporal, lend me another gold coin. Well, Schweik, I'll give you another coin when you've done everything I've ordered you to do.Oh, by the way, get me some cigarettes and cigars when you're done.If you have any chocolate candies, give me two.Ask them for ox tongue or foie gras, if they have it in a can.If they're handing out Swiss cheese, don't ask them to slip you a piece of it with the rind on.Also, if you have sausage, don't take it from your head.Trying to get a nice fat midsection. " The priest stretched himself on the seat, and after a while, he fell asleep. "I think," said the volunteer officer to the corporal, over the priest's snoring, "that you should be quite pleased with the foundling we've picked up. It looks fine." "Quack indeed, Corporal," said Schweik. "He's not delicate like a child." At Vienna, the soldiers in the cattle cart looked out of the windows with the same despairing expression as when they were hanged on the gallows.The women came forward and gave them gingerbread, with "Siegund Rache," and "Gott Strafe England," written on them in sugar syrup. Later, they were ordered to go to the field kitchen behind the train station to receive rations.Schweik followed the priest's orders and went to the officer's kitchen.The volunteer officer stayed behind to wait for what was readily available, while the two escorts went off to get rations for the entire confinement car. Schweik carried out the order as usual.Just as he was crossing the tracks, he saw Lieutenant Lukasch strolling along the tracks.As for rations, he let others keep as much as he wanted.He was in an embarrassing position because he was sharing an orderly with a Lieutenant Kershner.The orderly waited only on Lieutenant Keshner, and he completely sabotaged Lieutenant Lukasch. "Where are you sending these things, Schweik?" asked the unfortunate lieutenant.At this moment Schweik was putting on the ground a large quantity of food which he had brought from the officers' mess and wrapped in his overcoat. "Sir, this is for you. But I don't know where your carriage is, and at the same time, if I come by your side, I don't know if the train conductor will lose his temper." Lieutenant Lukasch stared at Schweik questioningly, but Schweik went on very cheerfully: "By the way, that guy is a savage, a savage. When he came to inspect the train, I reported to him that, I've had three days of confinement, and I should have gone to the wagon, or come with you. But he gave me a good deal, and said I'd have to stay there so I wouldn't give you sir on the way. What's the trouble?" Schweik assumed the air of a martyr. "Hearing what he said, it's as if I've caused some trouble for your officer." "No," went on Schweik. "You sir can take my word for it. I never got you into any trouble. If anything unpleasant ever happened, it was pure coincidence. Sir, I never got into trouble on purpose. I Always trying to do something good, something beautiful. If we get no good for either of us, but all our troubles, it's not my fault." "Well, Schweik, don't be sad," Lieutenant Lukasch said softly, and they gradually approached the staff car. "I must try to get you to come back to me." "I'm not sad, sir. But I do feel a little sad to think we're all so unlucky in war, and it's not our own fault. When I think about it, I feel bad luck. I always try to hide trouble." "All right, Schweik. Jump into this compartment, then." "Report sir, I'm jumping in." The team camped at Brook, and the silent night enveloped a tent.In the soldiers' quarters people were shivering with cold; in the officers' quarters the fire was so hot that the windows had to be opened. In Brook on the Rita, the lights are bright in the Royal Cannery, where they work day and night to convert all kinds of rotting meat.As the wind was blowing toward the camp from that direction, the avenue around the camp stank of stale tendons and hooves and feet and bones which they were cooking for the canned soup. Brook City on the Rita River is splendid, and the other side of the Jilari-Sida Bridge is also full of lights.The Austrian and Hungarian gypsy orchestras were playing on both sides of the Rita, the windows of cafes and restaurants were brightly lit, and there was singing and drinking.The local tycoons and philistines took their wives and Jiji's daughters to cafes and restaurants.Thus, Shiluk and Gilari-Sida on the Rita River formed a huge Freedom Hall. That night Lieutenant Lukasch had gone to the theatre, and Schweik was waiting for him in an officer's quarters.The door opened and Lieutenant Lukasch entered.It was immediately apparent that the lieutenant was in a happy mood, for the cap was turned backwards. "I want to talk to you," Lieutenant Lukasch said. "You don't have to salute like a fool. Sit down, Schweik, and don't mind the rules. Don't say anything, listen to what I'm going to tell you. Do you know where Shoplony Street is? Don't you Again your 'report sir, I don't know'. If you're not good enough, just say you don't know. Well, now write it down on a piece of paper: No. 16, Rue des Bolognese. It's a hardware store. Do you know what a hardware store is? Gosh, don't you keep saying 'report sir' and say 'yes' or 'don't know'. So, do you know what a hardware store is? You know? That's good. That Very good. The store is owned by a Hungarian named Garguni. Do you know what a Hungarian is? My God, do you or don't you? You do. Well, then, very well. He lives above the store on the second floor. Did you know? You didn't know? But, damn it, am I telling you where you are?Do you understand now?understood?Ok.If you don't understand, I'll put handcuffs and shackles on you.Did you get this guy's name down?I'm talking about Gaguni.very good.Well, you go into town at about ten o'clock tomorrow morning.Find this place, go up to the second floor, and give this letter to Mrs. Gajani. " Lieutenant Lukasch opened his wallet, yawned, and handed Schweik a white envelope without the address and name of the addressee. "Shuaik, this is a very important matter," he went on. "The more careful one is, the better, so I didn't write the recipient's address or name on it. I'll rely on you to give it to the right person. Oh, and remember the lady's name is Atika —Take it down: Mrs. Etika Gargone. And remember that the most important thing in delivering a letter is to be careful and to get an answer. Do you have anything else to ask?" "What shall I do, sir, if they don't hear back from me?" "Tell them to hear back anyway," replied the lieutenant, yawning again. "But I'm going to bed. I'm very tired." Lieutenant Lukasch had no intention of staying there.He went into town that evening because there was a musical comedy at the Hungarian Theater in Girari-Sida, and he wanted to see it.The main characters in the play are fat Jewish women who are good at kicking their feet in the air while dancing. But Lieutenant Lukasch was not fascinated by this interesting performance, because the lens of the pair of pocket binoculars he borrowed was not colorless; what he saw were not individual thighs, but light purple shadows Swing back and forth on the mirror. After the first act, his attention was drawn to a woman following a middle-aged man.She was dragging him towards the cloakroom, saying that she would go home immediately, and she refused to watch such a shameful show again.She said this aloud in German, to which her partner replied in Hungarian: "Yes, honey, let's go. I feel the same way as you: this show is disgusting." "Es ist ekelhaft," said the woman angrily.At this moment, the man was helping her put on the cloak she wore to the opera.As she spoke, anger at the absurdity of the show shone in her eyes.Her eyes were large and dark, in harmony with her pretty figure.She also glanced at Lieutenant Lukasch and said emphatically: "Ekelhaft, wirklich ekelhaft". ⑻ Her look was no small matter, and a marriage began like this. Lieutenant Lukasch found out from the cloakroom clerk that they were Mr. and Mrs. Garguni, who owned a hardware store at No. 16 Soprony Street. "He lives on the second floor with Mrs. Atika," said the cloakroom caretaker with the delicacy of an ancient madam. "She's a German woman from Sopron, and the man is Hungarian. In this town everything is mixed." Lieutenant Lucas took his overcoat from the cloakroom and went into town, went to a small café and took a booth. He chased away a Romanian girl, then asked for paper, pens and ink, and a bottle of cognac.After thinking it over carefully, he wrote the following letter in his most beautiful German.He thought it was a proud work in his life. Dear Madame: I went to the theater last night and saw the play that annoyed you.I watched you and your husband throughout the first act, and I couldn't help but feel that your husband... "Why don't I throw a flattering compliment," Lieutenant Lukasch mused. "How can a guy like him have such a pretty wife? He looks like a shaved orangutan." He went on to write his letter: . . . your husband appreciates the disgusting burlesque on stage, which you disapprove of because it has no art and only appeals to the vices of men. That's all. "Girls are pretty slender," thought Lieutenant Lukasch. "I'd better open the skylight and speak up." Please forgive me for not being a complete stranger, writing to you directly like this.I have met many women in my life, but none have impressed me as much as you, because your views and views on life do not match mine.I believe that your husband is so selfish that he dragged you to... "It doesn't make sense to write like that," Lieutenant Lukasch said, crossed out "forced you to go," and wrote on it: .I like frankness, and I have no intention of meddling in your family affairs, but I would like to meet you privately, to speak with you on purely artistic subjects... "I'm afraid we won't be able to meet at the hotel here. I think we'll have to take her to Vienna," the lieutenant thought. "I'm trying to ask for a temporary leave." Therefore, I take the liberty of asking to make an appointment with you, so that I can meet and get acquainted further in a fair manner.I am a person who will soon be in danger of war, and I am sure that you will not refuse this request.If it is my will, I will always remember this wonderful day and the deep understanding between the two of us in the horror of the field.Your decision is law to me.Your echo will be the key to my life. He signed his name, drained the rest of the brandy and ordered another bottle.He drank glass after glass, rereading what he had written, and nearly every sentence moved him to tears. It was already nine o'clock in the morning when Schweik woke Lieutenant Lukasch. "Report sir, you are on duty today, you have slept for hours, and I have to send this letter to Gilari-Sida. I called you once at seven, at half-past seven, and again at eight. I did it again—they just happened to be fucking, and walked this way, but you just turned over and reported to the sir—I said, sir, you..." It turned out that Lieutenant Lukasch muttered something to himself, and was about to turn over again.But he failed, because Schweik shook him mercilessly and shouted: "Sir, I'm going to Gilari-Sida to deliver the letter." The lieutenant yawned. "That letter? By the way, my letter. You are tight-lipped, you know. Only you and I know about this matter. Disband!" The lieutenant wrapped the quilt that Schweik had pulled over his body again, and continued to sleep.Simultaneously Schweik set off for Gilari-Sida. If he hadn't bumped into the engineer Voldychka on the way, No. 16 Soprony Street might not be so difficult to find.Voldichka had lived in Prague many years ago, and the only way to commemorate their reunion was to go to the Red Ram in Brook, where the waitresses were Czechs. "Where are you going now?" Wo Di Chinian asked. "That's a secret," Schweik replied. "But since you and I are old friends, let me tell you." He told Voldychka everything exactly.Voldychka said that he was an old sapper and he could not leave Schweik without him.He proposed that they send the letter together. They talked for a long time about the days that passed.Not long after twelve o'clock, they left the Red Ram Tavern, and things seemed to be going smoothly and naturally.In particular, they have a deep-rooted belief that they are not afraid of anyone.On the way to No. 16, Soprony Street, Vodichka was eloquent about his hatred of the Hungarians.He repeatedly told Schweik that he would resort to violence whenever he met a Hungarian. Finally, they found the hardware store owned by Mr. Gaguni at No. 16 Soprony Street. "You'd better wait here," Schweik said to Voldychka at the door. "I ran up to the second floor and left the letter, waiting for an answer. It'll be back in a while. " "What? I leave you alone?" Voldychka protested. "You don't know about Hungarians. We've got to be on our guard. I'll deal with him." "Stop fooling around," said Schweik solemnly. "Hungarian or not, we want his wife. In that tavern with the Czech waitress, didn't I tell you that the lieutenant had a letter for me to give her, and it was top secret? The lieutenant made me swear to tell no one.Didn't the waitress in the tavern say that the lieutenant was right, because things like this have to be kept secret?She didn't mean that if anyone knew that the Lieutenant wrote to a married woman, it would be all right.Don't you yourself nod your head and say it makes sense?Now you want to go upstairs with me again! " "Oh, Schweik, you don't know me yet," replied the engineer Voldychka gravely. "As long as I say I'm coming with you, remember, I'll do what I say. Two people are always safer." "Very well, then, come on," Schweik agreed, "but you must act carefully. We don't want to cause trouble." "You needn't worry, old man," said Voldychka, as they walked towards the stairs. "I'm going to beat him up..." He added in a low voice: "Look, this Hungarian must not be difficult to deal with." Schweik and Voldychka stood at the door of Mr. Gaguni's house.Schweik rang the bell, and a maid appeared.She asked them why they had come in Hungarian. "Nem tudom," ⑽Wodichka said contemptuously. "Hey, why don't you learn Czech?" "Verstehen Sie deutsch?" asked Schweik. "A Pisschen."⑿ "Then you go and tell your wife that I have something to say to her. Tell her that a gentleman here has a letter for her, and it is outside." They stood in the aisle, and Schweik said, "It's a nice and comfortable place indeed. Look, they've got a couple of umbrellas on the hat rack, and that picture of Jesus Christ isn't bad." The maid came out again, and there was a clanging sound of knives and forks and cups and plates in the room.She said to Schweik in very broken German: "My wife said, she has no free time now. If you have something to give to me, please leave it." "Well," said Schweik solemnly, "here is the letter for her, but don't tell anyone else." 他就把卢卡施中尉那封信掏出来了。 “我在这里等回音吧。”他指着自己说道。 “你怎么不坐下来啊，”沃地赤卡问道，他已经在靠墙的一把椅子上坐下了。“来，坐这把吧。你站在这里活像个要饭的。在这些匈牙利人面前你可不能作得很低贱。我们是要跟他吵一架的，我一定得好好管教他一顿。” 一切仍然毫无动静。后来，听到女仆递进信去的那间房子里大声咆哮起来。有人用一件沉重东西摔在地上，然后又清晰地听到砸玻璃杯和盘子的声音。夹杂在这一切声音中间，还可以听到有人用匈牙利话在发脾气。 门猛地开了，闯进一个脖颈上围着餐巾的男人，手里挥动着刚才送进去的那封信。 工兵沃地赤卡离门口最近。那位一腔怒火的男人首先拿他作对手，讲起来：“你这是什么意思？”他用德国话质问道。“送这信来的那个坏蛋在哪儿？” “嗨，老板，别着急，”沃地赤卡直起身子来说。“你吵嚷得声音太大了，镇静点儿。 你要是想知道信是谁送来的，就问我这位伙伴吧。可是你说话得放客气些，不然的话，我转眼就把你丢出去！ " 那个男人抱着头，排炮似的咒骂了一顿。同时说，他自己也是个后备军官，他本来也很想参军的，只是他害着腰子病。至于那封信，他要送给指挥官，送给国防部，送到报馆去。 “听着，”帅克威风凛凛地说道，“那封信是我写的，不是中尉写的。那签名是假的，是我签的，我看上了你的老婆。就像诗人伏尔赫利茨基⒀说过的，我给她迷上了。” 帅克挺然站在他的面前，冷静得像条黄瓜。那位暴跳如雷的男人刚要朝他扑过去，可是工兵沃地赤卡一直留意着那个男人的每个动作。他伸腿绊了那个男人一交，把那封信从他手里夺过来（正当他还在挥动着的时候），塞到他自己的衣袋里，等嘎古尼先生恢复了他的平衡，沃地赤卡一把又抓住他，把他拖到门口，一只手拉开门。然后，一刹那间，就听到一件沉重的物件沿着楼梯滚了下去。 那位暴跳如雷的男人唯一的遗物就剩那条餐巾了。帅克拾起它来，很有礼貌地在门上敲了敲。五分钟以前嘎古尼先生是从那个门里出现的，如今可以听到一个女人哭泣的声音。 “这餐巾是您的，”帅克彬彬有礼地对那在沙发上呜咽着的太太说。“不然，也许会给人踩脏了。再见吧，太太。” 他把皮靴后跟碰了一下，敬了个礼，就到过道去了。楼梯口看不到一点点格斗的痕迹，正如沃地赤卡说的，一切都没费吹灰之力。可是帅克在街门口发现一条硬领，从上边还可以看出是扯下来的。显然悲剧最后一幕是在那儿演出的：当时嘎古尼先生拼命抓牢了门，免得自己被拖到街上去。 街上闹得还很厉害。嘎古尼被拖到对面房子的门口，他们正朝他洒着水。在街心，工兵沃地赤卡像一只雄狮似的跟一些出来袒护自己同胞的匈牙利民兵和轻骑兵搏斗着。工兵很巧妙地挥动着一根刺刀带子，像挥动一把连枷似的，叫他的对手回不得手。他也并不孤单。一些捷克士兵也站到他这一边来交手了。 帅克事后提起来，连他自己也说不清是怎么卷入战团的。他没有刺刀，也说不清怎么就弄到一根手杖——那原是围观的人群中一个吓破了胆的路人丢下的。 这场格斗继续了很久，但是一切好事都必有个终了。巡逻队来了，把他们统统拘留起来。 帅克和沃地赤卡并排大踏步走着，一手拿着那根手杖——后来巡逻队队长就把它作为罪证。他得意扬扬地阔步走着，把手杖像来复枪那样扛在肩头上。 工兵沃地赤卡一路上都执拗地一声不响。可是当他们走进卫兵室的时候，他伤心地对帅克说：“我没告诉你吗，你不晓得匈牙利人！” -------------- ⑴奥匈边境上的一个乡村，在布鲁克城附近。 ⑵里塔河是多瑙河的一道支流，发源于奥地利，在奥地利的布鲁克城折入匈牙利。 ⑶当时，奥匈部队中官兵是按官级配给酒的。 ⑷合两个克郎。 ⑸德文，意思是：“胜利与复仇”和“上帝惩罚英国。” ⑹“自由”这里指纵情享乐。 ⑺德语，意思是：“讨厌。” ⑻德语，意思是：“讨厌，实在讨厌。” ⑼匈牙利西部一省。 ⑽匈牙利语，意思是：“我不知道。” ⑾德语，意思是：“你会德语吗？” ⑿女仆想用德语说：“我会一点儿（Ein bisschen）。”但是说得不对，而piss在俚语中有“解手”的意思。 ⒀雅罗斯拉夫·伏尔赫利茨基（一八五三～一九一二），捷克浪漫主义诗人。