Chapter 4 Part II-1

When she looked back now, Bebe wondered how she had come to live such a sad day with such joy.Bebe doesn't know that this is the beginning of her pain and sorrow, nor what her future holds.On Wednesday, the seventeenth day of the month, Agrehayan, Bebe was married. On Wednesday night, I got married.I spent the night chatting with friends, a couple of local girls, and an older woman.The next day was Thursday, and my stepmother said she would not choose such an unlucky day to send me away.I didn't know this, it was no different from usual, and soon I could concentrate on doing housework, singing and dancing from time to time.That day, no one shed tears, neither did my stepmother, nor did I.I am light-hearted, cheerful, and always smiling.After taking a shower in the afternoon, I started to get dressed.I pulled out a long coat, and when my aunt saw it, she smiled and said, "No, no, not this one! You should wear a saree." I didn't know how to wear a saree—it was my first time.So, I asked my aunt to help me tie the sari.

On Friday, a woman from the neighbor's house came to do my makeup.She was also there to help me and my husband get dressed on our wedding day.Afterwards, we hailed a taxi and my husband and I got in.My stepmother, aunt, and brother also sat with us.I don't know where we're going or why we're going there.As we sat down, my aunt came over and put a handful of rice and dahir on my sari, and told me softly that I should give these to my mother, and to say, "Mom, you have given us all these years Food, clothing, and care for my daughter, now I will repay you with these." I did as she said.As I said these words, Dad started to cry.I looked at him and tears welled up in my eyes.As a result, Dad cried even harder.With tears streaming down his cheeks, he grabbed my husband's hand and said, "Son-in-law, I handed over my daughter to you. Now, it's your turn to take care of her. She is a poor motherless child."

The taxi moved on.My husband’s house is not far from my house, and it only cost three rupees to take a taxi②.After the car stopped, a woman walked up, took my hand, and helped me out of the car.Then she led me into my new home.People huddled together, offered me candy, and urged me to eat it, but I was too scared to open my mouth.Even when my uncle and aunt forced me to eat candy, I still refused to eat it and just stared at the people gathered together. In the afternoon, a woman came to help me dress up, and sprinkled some cinnabar powder on my head.I just sat quietly in the corner.People gathered to get a glimpse of what the bride looked like, so I covered my head as my aunt said.People came up to see me and gave me money, utensils and other gifts.Then they sat down and began to eat.After the meal, someone shouted outside, send the bride out.A woman grabbed my hand and pulled me outside to where the people were sitting.She handed me a jar full of candy and said, "Now give everyone some candy. Put two on each person's plate." I was so nervous, my hands were shaking so much, the candy kept dropping.Baru ① kept sliding down, I didn't know if my head was still covered, and I was in a hurry.

From the beginning to the end, my aunt's instructions to cover my head echoed in my ears.In a fit of anger, I simply put down the sugar bowl and straightened the balustra on my head.Everyone started laughing.I was so ashamed, I wished I could get through a crack in the ground, and I didn't care about the sugar bowl, so I fled into the house and kept crying.People started making fun of my husband. "Oh, Shankar," they said to him, "she's quite a child, and you brought a child home! What are you going to do with such a young wife?" The woman who took me out came into the house , took my hand again and said: "Come with me, today is the day of passing the house, and the bride has to entertain everyone." So I walked out again.Somehow I managed to host everyone this time.I felt that every part of my body was shaking.After everyone had finished eating, it was my husband's turn.After he finished eating, my aunt said I should eat what was left on his plate.I insisted that I wanted to eat with her and my stepmom, but my stepmom scolded me and said, "You know, we can't be here forever. You're going to have to stay here. Quiet, go get some food." "The stepmother, aunt and younger brother left immediately after eating.

Now, it's just me and my husband.I kept staring at him, wondering what he was up to, but he didn't say a word.I watched him silently.He was busy in the room for a while, dealing with various household chores.Then he spread a blanket over the Chuki and motioned for me to sleep there.I lay down and soon fell asleep.When I woke up suddenly that night, I found him lying beside me.I sat up, terrified, and then I spread a blanket on the floor and fell asleep there. When I woke up in the morning, I found that my husband's house was next to a concrete road, and the roof was tiled.The rent was one hundred rubles—that's what the woman who helped me out of the taxi told me.Her name is Sandia.My husband calls her husband brother.Sandia calls me sister and I call her sister.They lived across the road and there was a tap near the house where I could get water.It's convenient to go there, because we don't have a toilet at home.Sister Sandia told me that her husband should be called brother-in-law. "Your husband calls him brother," she said, "and you should cover your head as long as he's around." Her husband respected me enough to leave as soon as I was around.He has a hay cutting machine. He buys hay from the market, cuts it at home, and sells it.Talking to Sister Sandia, watching my brother-in-law cut thyme, the day will pass quickly, and the night will come, and I will be full of fear again, and my heart will start to beat again.My husband and I slept on a blanket but turned our heads away.Three or four days passed, and one night, he suddenly grabbed me and pulled me desperately into his arms.He put his head on my chest and told me softly that he didn't like to live like this, and he didn't want to live like this anymore, and then he pressed his whole body on top of me.I was so scared that I cried.But I thought again, what's the use of this?Yelling like that would just wake everyone up, so I squeezed my eyes shut, pursed my mouth, and let him do what he did, and I just put up with it.

When I got up the next morning, I went to see Sister Sandia.She took one look at me and asked what was wrong.I told her I wanted to go back to my father's house.Then I went home and started to light a fire and cook.I accidentally looked up in the kitchen, just in time to see my brother walking towards my house along the path.As soon as he stepped through the door, I said, "I'm going home with you." "Why? Where is brother-in-law?" I told him I was in the room, and my brother went into the back room and asked my husband, "What's wrong, brother-in-law? Why is Bebe so excited?"

Shankar laughed, "It's nothing. Your sister thought she was a little girl." After hearing this, the younger brother turned around and went home alone.When he got home, his father asked, "Went to see your sister, didn't you?" My younger brother replied, "Yes, she was very upset and cried when she saw me." My parents were restless and couldn't wait for a minute, so they rushed to our house that day.Baba asked Shankar, "Son, I heard Bebi was crying. What's the matter?" But Shankar didn't say a word.I said, "Dad, I don't want to be here."

"Well," he replied, "how about you two come back with me for a while?" So we followed them back.As the new son-in-law, my husband is highly valued in my family.They prepared all kinds of delicious meals for him.And everyone kept explaining, making me understand that I was no longer a child. Two days passed and it was time to go home.But I started to lose my temper again and said that I didn't want to go back.Stepmother is annoyed by me.I began to think that maybe it would be better to stay at my husband's house.At my father's house, I had to do all the work, and no one appreciated it.At least, not in the husband's house.There, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want, and no one tells me what to do.If I want to cook, I can cook whatever I want. If there is something I want at home, I just need to tell my husband, and he will bring it back.As soon as I was free, I ran to Sandia's house across the street.She has three boys, and sometimes, watching them play makes me want to play with them.A few times I actually did that.So, I became the old Bebe again, and we laughed, played, and played together.Sister Sandia and her husband often laugh when they see me like this.Is it that funny?I can't figure it out.I asked Sister Sandia why, and she said, "You are still so childish." Hearing this, I was really embarrassed as hell.I'm not a child anymore, I've become a woman, and I've never seen a woman dance and play like I do.

After returning to my husband’s house, about two months later, I suddenly felt very unwell. I felt nauseous and nauseated for several days. I couldn’t eat normally and threw up whatever I ate.Sister Sandia asked me if I had my period.I told her that I only came once after I got married.So she talked to my husband and asked him to take me for a checkup.But her husband didn't listen to her, so Sister Sandia decided to take me there herself, and we went to the government hospital together.We ran back and forth in the hospital, only to find out that pregnancy tests are only available on Tuesdays and Fridays, so we went home dejectedly, waited until Friday, and went to the hospital again.I filled out a form first, and when someone called my name, I went in to be examined by a female doctor.I stood in front of the doctor in a daze.She asked a lot of questions, but I couldn't answer a single word.The doctor asked again if anyone would come with me, so I told her my sister was there, and she asked me to call my sister in.

The female doctor asked Sister Sandia a lot of questions about me.Then she turned to me and told me to lie down on the bed.I did as she told me and started getting checked.The doctor put his hand into my crotch, felt it around, and then turned around and said to Sister Sandia, "She's pregnant." I sat up on the bed at once, speechless with fright, but Sandia The sister just laughed.When I got home, I didn't know what to say to my husband, but Sister Sandia said to him: "Things are exactly as I expected, I guessed right." "What's the matter?" my husband asked.

"Well, the first thing you should do is share the candy with everyone," said Sister Sandia.Then she told my husband and her husband what the doctor said.From their laughter, I can feel that they are all happy.Two days later, my parents came to see me, and Sister Sandia told them the news.The stepmother smiled and said to Dad: "Did you hear that? Our family is going to have more little guests!" But Dad didn't look very happy.They stayed at my house for two days, and when they were about to go back, I overheard my father saying to my stepmother, "Lani, is it dangerous for her to have a baby at such a young age?" Others learned a lot from their mouths, so they comforted Dad: "No, no. She will be fine." After my parents left, I went to fetch water.Suddenly, I saw Sister Sandia's husband standing in front of me.I didn't notice it at all before, and I didn't realize that I made a mistake until sister Sandia yelled at me.I forgot to cover my head!My sister frantically gestured at me, pointing to her husband and then to my head. I quickly put down the jar and covered my head.Just then, I saw several of Dad's friends approaching—they were going to work.Fortunately, I covered my head, otherwise if they recognized me, they would start the same topic again.They used to talk every day. "Look, isn't that Brother Halder's daughter?" said one.Another will ask a friend in amazement, "He married his daughter here?" Another will chime in, "Didn't he ask anything? How could that be?" Every time I see them coming down the road, I run into the house and hide.I am very shy.Sometimes they would yell at me, "Hey girl. You live here, huh?" But I wouldn't answer, I just turned my head away and said nothing.I don't know how it affects Dad, but he doesn't see me much these days.He takes the same route to work every day, but when he sees me, he often looks away and pretends not to see me.Even when he was walking with a friend or someone, and that person reminded him that his daughter was there, he wouldn't admit it.I know he did it on purpose, so it's very sad.I went home and cried, or went to talk to Sister Sandia.But gradually, I realized that Dad was trying to get rid of me now: he had sent me away, and that was it.He didn't want my problems to be a burden to him anymore. I often escape to Sandia's sister's house for another reason.Our family was sandwiched between a large house and a restaurant on the side of the road.I think it's a disgrace to live in this little hut we call home.When her husband was away, all kinds of people who walked along the road looked into the house, so it was better to be in her house. One day when we were chatting, I said to her: "Sister Sandia, shall we go to the movies?" Her husband usually does not allow her to go out, but this time, because of my presence, he agreed.He treats me like he treats his own daughter.He gave Sister Sandia some money and said, "Go, let's go to the cinema." Now it was my turn to ask my husband for advice—but he hadn't talked to me yet.When I wake up in the morning, I will make tea for him and prepare meals, and he will go to work after eating.When he came back in the afternoon, he went straight to the tap outside, took a shower, and lay down when he got home.Even when I ask questions, he doesn't answer.It doesn't matter whether he is at home or not, even if he is, it feels like air.I told him that Sister Sandia and I wanted to go to the movies and he just laughed and said nothing.But I kept pestering, and finally he finally gave me the money.I think if it was up to him, he would never have taken me out to play, let alone go out alone.When I came back from the movie theater, he sat in the room angrily and pulled his face, refusing to talk to me properly.I put the food in front of him, and after he devoured it, he walked away.Seeing his virtue, I don't expect him to accompany me to the hospital when I give birth. My belly is getting bigger by the day and I'm starting to get a little worried.After telling Sister Sandia what was on her mind, she said that Shankar should take me to the hospital.I told her: Shankar will not take me there.Everyone said I should go to the doctor, but no one wanted to go with me. In the end, I decided to go by myself.At first, no one believed that I was pregnant, but after the test results came out, they knew that the baby in my belly was seven months old, so the nurse gave me an injection.When I got home, I didn't worry so much because I understood that what I'm going through now, every girl goes through. People told my father that I was seven months pregnant and had to give me sadha.I didn't know what a sadha was or how to eat it, but I was happy because my dad and stepmother came to pick me up and I went to the market to buy meat, fish, vegetables and all kinds of good things.They also bought me a saree and loose top.At this time, my aunt also came with her three daughters.The stepmother put the rice pudding in the bowl as they said, covered the bowl with a basket, brought a vegetable basket, put the vegetables on the floor, and put the basket upside down on the rice pudding. Stepmom sent Dad to take a shower, but he said, "Get over Babe first, and we'll see the results." She put seven vegetables and rice pudding on a plate, and then told me to put on my sari .I went back to the room in my sari and bent down to touch Baba's feet, but he flinched.Startled, I stood up.Dad looked at his stepmother and said, "It's not good to accept greetings from a pregnant woman. You don't know if she's carrying a snake, a frog, or a god." After hearing this, my aunt refused to accept my greetings.She said: "Sit down, today you have to eat first, we have to wait until you finish eating." When I sat down to eat, my stepmother came over and opened the vegetable basket to see if the rice pudding was bent.If it is bent, it means that the child in the stomach is a girl; otherwise, it is a boy.The rice pudding was not bent, and the stepmother was overjoyed. "It's a boy! It's a boy!" she shouted to Papa.Dad was happy too, and the neighbors seemed delighted when they heard that a boy was going to be born. After I finished eating, my father, stepmother, aunt and her daughter sat down to eat.My father said to my aunt, "Sister, I'm scared. I hope it's not dangerous to have a baby at this age." My aunt scolded my father and said nonsense, "Don't be stupid, everything will be fine." In the middle of the celebration ceremony, my husband suddenly asked go home.What a strange move!Everyone advised him not to leave. "Stay today," they said, "she just ate sadha, how can you take her home? Can't go today." He finally agreed to let me stay, but he had to go anyway. "You can send her back in a few days," he said.My husband is eccentric.He doesn't know etiquette, neither how to speak to elders nor respect them.If I reminded him to be polite, he would just stare at me ferociously. The next day, my aunt and dad sent me back to my home.On the way, my aunt told me that I should not go out at night, and if I had to go out, my husband should accompany me.After they left, I went into the house.But the room was so dirty that I really wanted to turn around and run back immediately.Just left for a day, the room is a mess.My husband doesn't pay attention to personal hygiene at all, and never brushes his teeth and washes his face properly.I hate eating from his used plate.I asked him to brush his teeth, and he ignored me, but he could easily mess up a clean house.He would never pick up a broom and sweep the floor.If I go out for a few days, all the dishes will be piled up dirty, waiting for me to come back to wash.I often reluctantly force myself to step into the house. I can only tell myself that only men have such rights.And no matter what to say to this man, it is as futile as talking to a deaf man. I have been pregnant for eight months. One day, I couldn't bear it anymore, so I ran back to my father's house.I thought I could find peace there, but as soon as I returned, I heard that my uncle was seriously ill: he had been diagnosed with tuberculosis.Upon hearing the news, my stepmother started crying, and my grandmother started cursing my aunt loudly, as if it was all her fault.Dad took my uncle to see the best doctor in Dagapo, and my aunt paid for the medical expenses with the money she brought with her. My aunt is my uncle's second wife. Although she has been married for many years, she has never had a child.My uncle's first wife went back to her natal family once, but she didn't come back after a long time, so my uncle married another one.The previous wife left a young daughter to live with my uncle, but after a while the little girl insisted on going to her mother, so my aunt sent her away.After that, my uncle's physical condition took a turn for the worse, which is why my grandmother cursed my aunt. That night, my brother and I were a little drowsy after eating.Mom and Dad always wait for us to finish eating before eating.I was dozing off when my dad said to my stepmother, "Call Bebe out and have some more." Stepmother said, "Why don't you go and get her yourself?" So Dad told me to go out, and I said I was full, but He insisted, "Come here, boy, come and sit with me for a while." I did that every time I went home.They will be very kind and kind to me, and will prepare food for me.If my father sees that I don't really want to eat, he will leave some food on his plate and let me eat when I am hungry.The stepmother is not far behind, no matter what she cooks, she will always leave some for me.One day, as I sat down to eat, my stepmother asked if my husband had ever brought home any fish or meat.I say yes, but very little.When the stepmother heard this, she scolded the miser, put another fish on my plate, and said, "Eat this fish. If you still feel hungry, just tell me." The strange thing is that they love each other so much. Look at me, care about me, take care of me, and give me food; on the other hand, they quarrel over all kinds of little things about me.The stepmother got angry and couldn't control her mouth, scolding everything.Finally, I couldn't take it anymore, so I said: "Mom, I don't want to eat fish, and I don't want to eat meat. If I cause you so much trouble here, it's better to leave." I was about to pack and leave, but she stopped me. I said: "Don't go now. If you have to go, at least wait until the afternoon." "No, I won't stay any longer, and I won't come back, having caused you and Papa so much trouble here." "It's your father who caused the trouble." "Dad is a good man, you are also a good man, everyone is a good man, but as soon as I come back, you start arguing, and I can't stand it anymore." I pretended to leave, but she stopped me again: "At least with Say goodbye to your father and go." "What about the others?" I asked. "To the pond. Call him back, and you can go." "But it's too late, I have to go back to cook and do housework..." As soon as the words fell, I saw my father come back.The stepmother said to him, "Look, she's packed up and ready to go home! Let her go after dinner at least." "Since mom has kept you, why don't you stay longer?" Dad asked. I said, "What? Do you want to quarrel again? I can't take it anymore because you two are so quarreling. God knows how it happened, but I have to go." I wanted to go on, but at that moment, my aunt's son ran in and cried to my mother that my uncle had passed away.Mom burst into tears, and grandma passed out on the spot.Dad didn't know what to do, or who to take care of first.He took his mother and rushed to his uncle's house immediately.I stay at home with my grandma.Many neighbors came to comfort her.I helped my grandma sit down and sprinkled some water on her forehead, but she was so sad that she kept crying. When my parents arrived at my uncle's house, the body had already been carried to the front of the house.The stepmother sat down at his uncle's feet and burst into tears.An aunt's grief is not the same as a stepmother's.Because she didn't have any children, everyone treated her coldly, and she really didn't have any feelings for my uncle.The neighbors have already arranged everything and are ready to move the uncle's body away.The stepmother was sent to pick up the grandmother so that the grandmother could see her son for the last time.But people also said that grandma should not be brought here. The old man must not be able to bear seeing his son like this.So, the stepmother only let the grandmother look at the uncle from a distance, and then brought her into the house. Uncle had no son, so the ceremony had to be presided over by my aunt's youngest son.He shaved his head for it.On Satkaya they all left and I was left alone—because Dad left me, saying he couldn't handle two deranged, grief-stricken women alone. Once the ceremony was over, I set off for home.When I got home, I found that the door was locked, so I went to Sandia's sister's house.She saw me and exclaimed, "Oh, you're back so soon? We were talking about you just now, and thought you'd have to finish everything before you come back." "Every day is noisy, who can stand it?" I replied, "I could have come back early, but my uncle passed away, so I had to stay there. Why is the door of my house locked? Do you know what happened? I How do you get in?" "No way. Wait for Shankar to come back." "Can Bajiris go and have a look? My husband may still be in the upholstery shop." After hearing this, Sister Sandia asked her son to go to Shankar. Sister Sandia is from Bangladesh, and her husband is from Bihar, so she speaks Bihar to her children and her husband, and Bengali to me.Not long after, Bagiris came back with the key, and said he had found my husband in the shop, and that I was back, and my husband gave him the key, and sent him back.I took the keys and went home.As soon as I opened the door, I was dizzy with what I saw: the room was covered with dust and mud; the kitchen floor was full of mouse holes, which were the result of mice digging holes in the mud to make their nests; Heaps, where dried food sticks and clumps.too terrifying!I was so ashamed that I couldn't take it anymore and ran to Sandia's sister's house and banged my head on the wall.She asked me what happened, and I told her, "Sister, go and see what has become of my house." "I know," she said, "you don't have to look at me to know. It's like this if there is no woman in the house." After a while, she said: "I found that he often didn't take a bath for several days, and he used dirty clothes. Utensils to cook and eat." "Why does it have to be a woman to keep it clean? Men should at least clean up the cooking and eating places." When my aunt came to see me, I said to her, "Look, see what my house looks like." "My dear boy," she said to me, "it's all in your hands. You've got to have a good talk with him." "I tried, but he just wouldn't listen to me. If I talked too much, he would cut me off. I didn't know what to do."