Chapter 44 Part III Current Situation-7

why can't i feel happier Every time I buy one more thing, I can't help but feel elated.For a moment, I felt as though everything was back to normal.But, before long, the excitement gradually faded away, and I fell into a gray and cold place again.So I hurried to look around for other things to buy.A large incense stick, a set of Jo Malone body wash and moisturizer, and a handmade sachet.With each additional purchase, I felt a bout of joy, followed by a bout of depression.But every time I feel happy, the time is getting shorter and shorter.Why can't happiness stay? Why can't I feel happier?

"Do you need my help?" A voice interrupted my thoughts.A young waiter came up to me. She was wearing the uniform of the Bafang Universal Department Store, with a white shirt on top and linen trousers on her bottom.She looked at the pile of items I had left on the floor and asked, "Do you mind if I grab some for you so you can continue shopping?" "Oh," I replied blankly, glancing down at the pile I'd scavenged—it was quite a lot—"no, no need. I... I'll pay now!" With much effort, the two of us managed to drag the pile along the beech floor to the handsome granite checkout counter in the center of the hall.The cashier started scanning the prices one by one, the pair of cushions had been discounted—I hadn’t noticed—and while the money was being counted, a line started to form behind me.

"The total is 37,056 pounds." Finally the cashier said to me with a smile, "How are you going to pay the bill?" "Uh...Switch card." I took out my wallet.When she swiped the card, I looked at the big bags on the ground and began to wonder how I could get them home. But, I immediately command myself to think of something else.I don't want to go home right now, don't want to think about Suzie or Taxin or last night.I don't want to think of anything. "I'm sorry," the girl said apologetically, "but there seems to be something wrong with your card and the transaction didn't go through." She handed the card back to me. "Do you have any other cards?"

"Oh!" I said in a panic, "Hmm... this is my VISA card." So embarrassing! What the hell is wrong with my credit card? It looks fine to me.I'm definitely going to have to call the bank and ask about this. Bank? Meeting tomorrow morning with Derek Smeez.Oh God! Stop thinking about it.Quick, hurry up and think of something else! Look at the floor, look at the store.The line behind me is already long now, and I can hear someone coughing and clearing their throats impatiently as everyone waits for me.I smiled awkwardly when my eyes met the woman behind me. "No!" said the cashier. "That card doesn't work either."

"What?" I turned around in shock.How could my VISA card not work? For God's sake, it's my VISA card. It works all over the world.What happened? It's all inexplicable, there is no... I suddenly stopped halfway through the thought, and a chill slowly swept over me.Those letters, those letters I threw in the dresser drawer.Presumably they won't... No, they wouldn't have canceled my card.They can't do that. My heart started beating wildly nervously.I know I didn't pay the bill on time - but I need my VISA card.I need it! They can't just write it off.Suddenly I felt extremely weak.

"Others are still waiting!" the cashier said, pointing to the long line behind me, "so if you can't pay..." "Of course I can," I replied stiffly, knowing that my face was now flushed.I fumbled in my wallet with trembling hands, and finally found the Bafang Global Credit Card.It's buried at the bottom of all cards, so I haven't used it in a while. "Here you go," I said, "and I'll pay for everything with this card!" "Okay," the girl replied curtly, swiping her card. While we were quietly waiting for the transaction to go through, I began to wonder if I had paid off all the outstanding balance on my Octagon credit card.They sent me a letter a while back too, didn't they? Seems to be about the overrun.But I'm pretty sure I've paid what I owe, long ago.At least I paid for some too, didn't I? I'm sure I...  

"I'll have to call and check," the cashier said, staring at her register.She reached out and grabbed the phone on the counter next to her, and dialed a number. "Hi," she said, "yes, if I give you an account number..." Someone behind him sighed loudly.I could feel my face getting redder.I couldn't look around or even move. "I see." Finally the cashier finished and put down the phone.She looked up—and my heart skipped a beat when I saw her expression.Her demeanor was no longer polite, she became very unfriendly. "Our finance department is desperate for you to get in touch with them," she said clearly. "Here's their phone number."

"Okay," I replied as lightly as I could, as if it was a normal request. "Okay, I'll get in touch with them. Thanks!" I reached for my card.I have no interest in shopping anymore and just want to get out of here as soon as possible. "Sorry, I'm afraid your account has been frozen." The cashier still said loudly, "I have to debit your card." I looked at her in disbelief, my face burning hot.The crowd behind me began to stir with interest, everyone heard what the cashier was saying, whispering and pointing. "So unless you have some other method of payment..." she continued, looking at the stack of merchandise on the counter.There were plaid pajamas, duvets, joss sticks, a whole bunch of eye-catching stuff, a whole bunch of stuff I didn't need, a bunch of stuff I couldn't afford.Suddenly, looking at them made me extremely uncomfortable.

I numbly shook my head, feeling like a thief caught red-handed. "Elsa," the cashier yelled, "can you do something with these things? This customer can't buy them." She pointed at the pile, and another clerk came over with a blank expression. Stuff moved along the counter. "Next person." The woman behind me stepped forward, too embarrassed to look me in the eye.I turned around slowly, more ashamed than I had ever been in my life.The whole floor—all the customers, all the clerks—seemed to be whispering and pointing.Did you see that? Did you see what happened?

I dragged my two limp legs, not daring to look either way.It's been a nightmare.I must get out, as fast as I can.I have to get out of the store, into the street, and go to... Where are we going? Go home, I thought. But I couldn't go back and face Suzie, and hear her gossip about Taxin; or even worse, maybe run into Taxin again.oh god.Just thinking about it makes me feel hopeless. What am I going to do? Where am I going? I staggered along the sidewalk, avoiding the shop window displays, which seemed to be laughing mockingly at me.Where do I go? I feel top-heavy and at a loss. At the corner, I stopped and waited for the green light to come on.My eyes turn indifferently to some cashmere jumpers on display in the left window.Suddenly, I catch a glimpse of a bright red Pringle golf jumper and tears start to well up in my eyes.There's a place I can go, a place I'm always welcome!

Mom and Dad's home!