Chapter 43 Part III Current Situation-6

it's all my own fault When I woke up the next morning, I felt worse than I had ever felt before. I had never felt worse. The first thing I felt was pain.When I want to move my head, when I want to open my eyes, when I try to figure out everything, such as: Who am I? What day is it today? pain. For a moment I lay quietly on the bed, gasping for air under the sway of my subconscious to live.In fact, I felt my face start to turn red and my breathing quickened, so I had to force myself to slow down and breathe normally.Breathe in... breathe out, breathe in... breathe out.Then, sure, everything will be fine and I will slowly feel better.Breathe in... breathe out, breathe in... breathe out.

OK... Rebecca.Come to think of it, my name is Rebecca? Bloomwood, isn't it? Inhale...exhale, inhale...exhale. What else? Dinner.I had dinner somewhere last night.Breathe in... breathe out, breathe in... breathe out. pizza.I had pizza, who did I eat it with? Breathe in... breathe out, breathe in... breathe out. Taxin. exhale. God, it's with Taxin! I went through his checkbook and screwed everything up, all my own fault! A familiar sense of despair overwhelmed me.I closed my eyes trying to calm down my pounding head.At the same time, I also remembered that when I returned to my room last night, I found on the dressing table a half bottle of malt whiskey that was given to me by the Prudential Insurance Company of Scotland.I unscrewed the cap - even though I'm not much of a whiskey fan - and drank...well, several gulps of course.No wonder, which is probably why I'm feeling so sick right now.

I slowly struggled to sit up, and listened to Suzie's movements, but there was no sound.There was no one else in the apartment but me. Me and my thoughts. Frankly, that was something I couldn't stand.My head was pounding and I felt weak, but I was able to move, to divert myself.I'm going to go out, have a cup of coffee somewhere quiet, and try to recover. Anyway, I managed to get myself out of bed, staggered over to the wardrobe, and stared at myself in the mirror.I hated seeing myself the way I was, blue-faced, chapped lips, hair stuck to my face in locks.But worst of all was the vacant stare and the disgust I felt with who I am now.I had an opportunity last night - the golden opportunity of a lifetime, but I threw it in the trash.God, what a bane I am.I don't deserve to live in this world at all.

I headed towards the King's Road, hoping to lose myself in the crowd.Strolling in the clear, fresh air almost made me forget everything that happened last night.But only almost, not quite. I walked into the Aroma, ordered a large cappuccino, and tried to drink it as I normally would.It was as if nothing had happened and I was just a normal girl out shopping on the weekends.But I can't do it.My mind leads me nowhere.They go round and round in my head like a never-ending record.Round and round and round and round. If only I hadn't picked up his checkbook! If only I hadn't been so stupid! Everything would have worked out perfectly.He really likes me.We would hold each other's hands and he would ask me out again.God, if only time could be turned back; if last night could be repeated...

Stop thinking about it.Stop thinking about the impossible.It was too much to bear.If I had been decent last night, I'd probably be sitting here drinking coffee with Tachin right now, wouldn't I? Then I'd be the 15th richest bachelor in all of Britain before long. instead of... what? A mountain of looming debt.I also have to meet the manager of the bank on Monday morning.I don't know what I'm going to do.There is no concept at all! I took a painful sip of my coffee and picked up a small bar of chocolate.Although I wasn't in the mood for chocolate at all, I popped it into my mouth anyway.

To make matters worse - the worst thing in the world - I'm actually starting to like Tachin a little bit.He may not look amazing, but he has a kind heart, a funny conversation, and he shows his style in his own unique way.And that brooch — really, really cute. And he didn't tell Suzy what I did last night; when I told him I liked dogs and Wagner and all about that damned Malawian luthier, he took it for granted and didn't suspect me at all. lying. God, now my tears are literally on the verge of falling. I wiped my eyes vigorously, drank the coffee in the cup, and stood up.I hesitated again when I walked out onto the street, but soon I was walking briskly and striding forward.Maybe the morning breeze will clear the overwhelming load of nagging thoughts from my mind, and maybe I'll feel better in a little while.

But I walked and walked and still felt bad.My head still hurts, my eyes are still red, and I really want to drink something more.Just a little bit of anything that makes me feel better, a drink, a cigarette, or... When I looked up again, I found myself standing in front of Bafang Global Department Store.This is my favorite store in the whole world.Clothes, jewellery, furniture, and gifts cover three full floors; plus, there's a coffee shop, drinks bar, and a florist that'll make you want to fill your entire home with flowers. I have my wallet with me. Just buy a small thing, so that I can cheer up.Just a t-shirt or something, even if it's just a bottle of foam.I have to buy myself something; I won't spend too much money on it.I would just walk in and buy...

I've opened the door and walked in.Oh God! That relief, that warmth, that light... this is my world, this is where I truly belong! But when I headed to the T-shirt store, I wasn't as happy as I'd hoped.I wandered among the racks, trying to bring back the excitement I used to get when shopping—but somehow, I just felt a little empty today.Still, I picked out a stand-up collar T-shirt with a shiny silver front for myself.I put it on my arm and said to myself you are feeling better.Then I caught another glimpse of a row of dressing gowns.Yes, I should buy myself a new dressing gown.

As I ran my fingers over a beautiful white plaid dressing gown, I heard a small voice in the back of my head, like a radio turned down, saying, "You can't buy it, you You're in debt! You can't buy it, you're still in debt!" Yes, that's right, I was in debt. But, frankly, that doesn't really matter to me now.It was too late, I already owed the bill anyway, so what's the point of owed more? Without hesitation, I took my dressing gown off the hanger and put it on my arm.Then I reached for a pair of matching plaid slippers.If you want to buy simply, buy it happily!

The cash register is on my left, but I don't even notice it.I haven't bought enough yet.I headed to the escalator and went upstairs to the home furnishings department.Time to buy a new down comforter.White ones to match my new dressing gown.Also buy a new pair of cushions and a rayon comforter.