Chapter 19 seventeen

Everyone knows that time sometimes flies like a bird and sometimes crawls like a worm.But he would be extraordinarily happy if he didn't know the speed of time at all.Arkady and Bazarov spent half a month at Odintsova's house without knowing it.This was due in part to her prescribed order of domestic life, which she strictly enforced and which others obeyed as well.From morning to night, there is a certain amount of time for things to be done. All members have morning tea at 8 o'clock in the morning; The steward confers with the housekeeper; the family gathers again before lunch, and talks and reads; the evening is spent walking, playing cards, and listening to music; at half-past ten Anna Sergeyevna returns to her room and orders Things to do tomorrow, then go to bed.But Bazarov dislikes the methodical, even rigid routine of daily life, "like racing a car on a track," he jokes.The uniformed servants, the ceremonial stewards, all hurt his democratic spirit.He said: If you are so strict, you should wear a tuxedo and a white tie at lunch according to British rules.He once actually shared this opinion with Anna Sergeyevna, because she always made people express their opinions frankly and directly.After listening to it, she said: "From your point of view, this is all correct. Maybe my aristocratic lady is too grand, but rural life must be organized, otherwise you will die of loneliness." So she still went her own way.Bazarov muttered and babbled, but it was because "it was like running a car on a track" that he and Arkady lived so comfortably at Odintsova's house.The two young friends had changed since coming to the village of Nikori.Bazarov was obviously in favor of Anna Sergeyevna (although the latter seldom agreed with him), but this gave him unprecedented restlessness, a troubled mind, and a tendency to lose his temper , Talking as if the boss is unwilling, looking at people angrily, fidgeting like a ghost possessing him.Arkady was silently mourning; he thought he was absolutely in love with Odintsova.But sadness did not prevent him from getting closer to Katerina, on the contrary, it prompted him to establish an intimate relationship with the girl.He thought: "Her sister looks down on me, it doesn't matter! ... This kind-hearted girl doesn't push me away." So his heart was relieved, and the feeling was no longer so bitter.From Katerina's part, she felt vaguely that he was looking for some kind of consolation in his association with her, and she neither rejected Arkady nor herself, and enjoyed the joy of innocence, which had a shyness in it. , There is consideration as a bosom friend.However, when Anna Sergeyevna was present.She never talked to him, and she seemed to huddle and hide under her sister's piercing gaze.And Arkady, like all those who are addicted to love, does not notice anything else in the world in the presence of his beloved.But being alone with Katerina was a different matter. I felt much more at ease, less timid and flustered.He sensed that Odintsova was not interested in him.Indeed, Odintsova did not know what to talk to him about, he was too young for his age.Arkady got along with Katerina as if he were one of his own family, and listened to her with some accommodating feelings about music, poetry, novels, and other trifles, and unconsciously fell in love with them.Arkady and Katerina got on very well, and so did Bazarov and Odintsova, so that the situation developed into a situation where the four of them were together for a short time before the couples went their separate ways, especially those who were walking. when.Katerina was infatuated with nature, and so was Arkady, only in silence.Odintsova was as indifferent to nature as Bazarov.As a result of doing their own thing, Bazarov stopped talking about Odintsova to Arkady, and even stopped scolding her for being "aristocratic lady". He still praised Katerina and advised Arkady to restrain her The sentimental element, but this is all in passing.In short, there were far fewer conversations than before... He seemed to be hiding from Arkady...

All this Arkady saw and took to heart. The real reason for Bazarov's "change" is that his relationship changed after being influenced by Odintsova.This feeling pained and irritated him.In the past, if someone hinted that he might have such feelings, he would not only deny it, but would also yell at that person.Bazarov loved women and their beauty, but he often sneered at ideal love or what he called romantic love, thinking it was nonsense and unforgivable folly; he regarded chivalrous love as a disability, A disease; more than once he expressed wonder why Togenburg, troubadours, and love singers were not sent to a mental hospital; he often said: "If you like a woman, you try to get it If it’s not possible, let’s stop in time, because she’s not the only one in the world anyway.” He liked Odintsova, the rumors about her, her personal independence and free thought, and her affection for him, everything seemed to be in his favor. However, he soon realizes that he cannot "achieve his goal", and he can't stop in time.Thinking of her made his blood burn.He could have quelled the commotion easily, but there was something new in him active which he had never allowed to exist, which he had never allowed to exist, which he had never deliberately suppressed, and which his pride had firmly opposed.In conversation with Anna Sergeyevna he treated all romantic tendencies with greater indifference and contempt, and when he was alone, annoyed at his own romantic tendencies, he went into the woods and The branches and branches encountered along the way broke mercilessly, scolded herself and her in a low voice, or got into the hay shed, closed her eyes desperately, and forced herself to sleep (this is not easy to do).But it was as if holy arms were round his neck, and proud lips returned his kiss, and tender eyes—yes, tender eyes met him.Then he felt dizzy for a while, and fell into a dream that was not a dream, until the fire of anger was ignited again in his heart.He felt that the devil was deliberately teasing him, which made him have all kinds of "shameful" thoughts.He sometimes felt that Odintsova was also changing, and that there was a strange expression on her face, maybe... Thinking of this, he stomped his feet, gritted his teeth, and raised his fists to threaten himself.

-------- ① Toggenburg (Toggenburg), the protagonist in Keller's long poem "Knight Toggenburg", died under the window of the woman he loved. Bazarov's feelings were not entirely wrong. Odintsova's heart was indeed stirred by him, which attracted his attention and often missed him.She didn't feel lonely when he was not around, and she didn't expect him to appear, but once she appeared, she felt happy, happy to be alone with him, talk alone, and even tolerate his anger, sarcasm about her hobbies and luxury. preference.She seemed to be testing him on the one hand, and testing herself on the other.

Once they were walking together, and suddenly he said melancholy that he planned to go back to his village to visit his father... Her face turned pale suddenly, as if an awl was pricking her heart, and the pain was so strange that later she thought Why is this happening for a long time.Bazarov didn't mean to test her reaction when he said he was going to leave and go home, because he never "made it up."That morning he saw Timofeyitch, his father's housekeeper, who had once looked after him.The old man was a wily man with faded blond hair, a red, weather-beaten face, and narrow, teary eyes.He suddenly appeared in front of Bazarov, wearing a slate-gray duffel coat, tied around the waist with a severed leather belt, and boots smeared with coal tar.

"Oh, how are you, old man!" Bazarov greeted. "Good morning, Master Yevgeny Vasilyich," said the old man, smiling cheerfully, and wrinkling his face. "Why are you here? Are you sent to pick me up?" "No way, sir!" murmured Timofeyitch (he remembered his master's strict instructions to him when he was leaving the house). "I went to the city to do business for the master. I heard that the young master is here as a guest, so I stopped by here to visit... Otherwise, how dare I disturb you..." "Well, don't lie!" Bazarov interrupted him, "the way into the city does not pass through here."

Timofeyitch hesitated and made no reply. "Is father well?" "Bless the Lord." "Where's mother?" "Lord Arina Vlasyevna is also blessed." "Probably waiting for me?" The old man turned his little face away. "Oh, Yevgeny Vasilyitch, what a wait! God behold, it hurts my heart to see your parents." "Okay, okay! Leave your mother-in-law alone and tell them I'll be home soon." "Yes, sir," said Timofeyitch with relief. The old man came out of the house, put his cap on his head with both hands, climbed into the old two-wheeled carriage parked outside the door, and drove the horse away, but not in the direction of the city.

That evening Bazarov sat talking in Odintsova's study, while Arkady paced up and down the drawing room, listening to Katerina play the piano.The old princess went upstairs to her room, not in the mood for company with the guests, and especially with young men, whom she called "presumptuous."In the drawing-room she had only made a fool of herself, but as soon as she returned to her room she lost her temper and cursed at the maidservant, so that her cap and shawl throbbed with anger.Odintsova knew all about her. "Why are you leaving? Didn't you promise?" she said.

Bazarov was startled: "What did you promise?" "Did you forget? Didn't you say you were going to give me some chemistry lessons?" "What can I do? My father is waiting for me, and I cannot delay any longer. You can read Pelousee et Fremy, Notions generales de Chimie, a good book, written clearly, in which you will find everything you need." -------- ① French: "Introduction to Chemistry" co-authored by Peruzzi and Flemie. "But you once convinced me that books are irreplaceable... Oh, I forgot how you said it. But you know what I mean anyway... Do you remember?"

"What can be done!" repeated Bazarov. "Why are you leaving?" Odintsova asked in a low voice. Bazarov glanced at her.She leaned her head back on the back of the armchair, crossed her half-naked hands on her chest, and looked paler than usual under a lone lamp with a small hole in the paper shade. The wide white dress made her feel lighter. It is lightly wrapped, and only two toes, which are also crossed, are exposed. "Why stay?" Bazarov asked in reply. Odintsova turned her head slightly: "How do you say 'what'? Are you unhappy with my presence? Or do you think you'll be missed when you're gone?"

"I'm sure no one." Odintova was silent for a while. "You're wrong, and I don't believe what you said, it's not serious." Bazarov sat silent. "Evgeny Vasilyitch, why are you silent?" "What should I say? Generally speaking, people are not worth thinking about, especially people like me." "Why is that?" "I'm a practical and therefore very dull person, not good with words." "You are gaining praise, Yevgeny Vasilyitch." "No, I am not in the habit of doing so. Don't you know yourself that the rich and beautiful life you value is beyond my reach?"

Odintova bit the corner of her handkerchief. "You can think of it all you want, but I'll be lonely when you're gone." "Arkady will stay." Odintsova shrugged slightly. "I'll be lonely," she added. "Really? Even if you're lonely, it's just lonely for a while." "On what basis do you think so?" "According to what you said to me yourself: you only feel lonely and boring when the order is disrupted, and you arrange your life so systematically that there is no room for loneliness, no room for melancholy ... no room for any heavy feelings. " "Do you think that I am so orderly...that is to say, so absolutely correct in ordering my life?" "Of course! Let me give you an example: in a few minutes it will be ten o'clock, and I knew in advance that you were going to drive me away." "No, you will not be sent away, Yevgeny Vasilyitch. You may stay. Please open that window... I feel stuffy for some reason. " Bazarov stood up, pushed the window, and the sash opened with a creak... He hadn't expected it to be opened so easily; his hands were trembling.A dark, soft night and an almost black sky peeped in through the window, bringing in the soft murmur of the trees and the free-flowing fresh night air. "Put down the curtain, please, and sit down and talk," said Odintsova. "I want to talk to you before you leave my house. Tell me about yourself. You have never talked about yourself." .” "It would be better to tell you something useful, Anna Sergeyevna." "You are too modest...but I want to know something about you, your family, your father, because of him you will abandon us." After hearing this, Bazarov thought to himself: "Why does she say these things?" "These things are dull," he said, "especially to you. We're just common people..." "And according to you, I am a noble lady?" Bazarov looked up at Odintsova: "Yes," he said with deliberate seriousness. She smiled sadly. "I see that you know very little about me, though you declare that all men are alike to one another, and that there is no need to study them. Let me take the time to tell you about my life. . . and now about your own." "I really don't know much about you," Bazarov echoed her words. "You're right. Everyone is a mystery. In your case, you shy away from society as a nuisance, but you Invite two college students as guests. With your intelligence and beauty, why do you need to live in the country?" "What? What are you talking about?" Odintsova asked curiously. "I...beautiful?" Bazarov frowned. "It's the same anyway," he answered. "What I'm trying to say is that I don't quite understand why you live in the country." "You don't understand . . . but what do you think of it?" "I... I think that the reason you live in one place is because you are spoiled, because you like comfort and comfort more than anything else." Odintova smiled sadly again. "You really don't want to believe that I can be emotional?" Bazarov glanced up at her. "Probably more out of curiosity than anything else." "Really? Well, now I'm panicking, why did we come together, because you are like me." "We came together..." Bazarov repeated her words in a low voice. "Ah! . . . I forgot, you want to go." Bazarov stood up.A single dim yellow lamp was lit in the dark, fragrant room, and the cool night air that broke into the room through the fluttering curtain was so seductive that one could even hear its whispering.Odintsova was motionless, but her heart was fluctuating... Bazarov also felt the fluctuation in her heart, and suddenly remembered that she was alone with a beautiful lady... "Where are you going?" He didn't answer anything, and sat down again. "So you think I'm a quiet, spoiled woman," she continued in her original tone, looking at the window. "But I know myself, I'm very unlucky." "You are unfortunate! Why? Are you worried about the nonsense?" Odintsova frowned.She was not happy to have her words so interpreted. "I don't care about gossip, Yevgeny Vasilyitch. I'm too proud to be bothered by such things. I'm unhappy because... I have no desires, no desire to live. You Look at me distrustingly, you think: This is the 'noble lady' talking, wrapped in lace and velvet upholstered. I don't want to hide that I love ease and comfort as you say, but with At the same time I have little desire to live. Let you judge, all this is but romanticism in your eyes." Bazarov shook his head. "You are healthy, physically free, and financially rich. What else do you want? What else do you lack?" "What more do I want," Odintsova imitated him, and then sighed. "I'm tired, I'm old, I feel like I've lived too long. Yes, I'm old," she added, gently pulling the shawl over her exposed elbows.Her eyes met Bazarov's, and a faint blush appeared on her face. "So many memories have been accumulated behind me: life in Petersburg, first rich and then poor, then father's death, marriage, going abroad, etc... There are many things to remember, but the ones worth remembering None; looking ahead, it's a long, long road ahead of me, with no purpose... I don't want to go any further." "Are you so discouraged?" asked Bazarov. "No," said Odintsova each word, "but dissatisfaction. I feel that if I could have a connection..." "You want to love, but you cannot give it," Bazarov interrupted, "and that is your misfortune." Odintova looked at the corner of her shawl and said: "Can't I commit?" "It may not be possible! I call this misfortune, but it's not true. It should be said that a person who encounters such a thing is really worthy of pity." "What happened?" "Want to love, but can't love." "How do you know?" "I heard that," Bazarov replied angrily, muttering in his heart, "You are showing off, you are teasing me because you are bored and have nothing to do, but I..." This is true, His heart is pounding.He bent down to play with the tassels of the velvet soft chair and said, "Besides, you may be too strict." "Maybe. In my opinion, you have to put your whole body and mind into it, or don't be tempted. Change your heart, take mine, and hand over yours. No regrets, no regrets. If it's not like this, I'd rather not love .” "What's wrong with that?" Bazarov commented. "The conditions are reasonable. I'm just wondering why you haven't found what you're looking for until now..." "Do you think it's that easy to surrender your whole being?" "It's not easy if you think about it, or wait blindly, or weigh yourself, or cherish yourself. But if you don't think so much, it's easy." "How can you not cherish yourself? If I am worthless, who wants my loyalty?" "This is not his own business. It should be analyzed by other people to judge how valuable he is. The main thing is to dare to surrender your body and mind." Odintsova straightened herself from the soft chair and said: "You say this as if you've been through it all." "I'm just passing by, Anna Sergeyevna. You know, all this is beyond the scope of my study." "At least you dare to surrender your whole body and mind?" "I don't know, I dare not boast." Odintsova was silent, and Bazarov was also silent.From the living room came the sound of the piano. "It's so late and Katerina is still playing," Odintsova said. Bazarov stood up. "Yes, it's really late, you should rest." "Wait, where are you going? I have to talk to you." "What are you talking about?" "Wait," Odintsova whispered. Her eyes rested on Bazarov, as if she wanted to take a closer look at him. He walked around the study, approached her quickly, said a hasty "Farewell" and shook her hand so hard that she almost cried out.He turned away.She put her curled fingers to her lips and blew, then stood up suddenly from the chair, and hurried to the door, as if to chase him back... The maid came in with a silver tray containing a water bottle. When the room came, Odintova stopped her feet, and her braid fell to her shoulders like a black snake.Later, the lamp in Anna Sergeyevna's study was still on for a long time, and she sat motionless for a long time. The night was as cold as water, and she occasionally stroked her bare shoulders that were attacked by the cold with her fingers. Two hours later Bazarov returned to his bedroom.Boots were splashed with dew.His hair was disheveled and his expression was gloomy.Seeing Arkady sitting at his desk with a book in his hand and his coat buttoned up, he asked dejectedly: "You haven't slept yet?" "How long have you been with Anna Sergeyevna to-day!" Arkady answered irrelevantly. "Yes, you were playing with Katerina Sergeyevna then." "I didn't play..." Arkady stopped talking, and felt that tears were about to fall from his eyes.And he doesn't want to cry in front of friends who are good at mocking others.