Chapter 20 twenty

The next day my mother announced that she was moving back to the city.In the morning my father went to my mother's bedroom and sat alone with her for a long time.No one heard what he said to her, but the mother stopped crying.She fell silent, and ordered the servant to bring her breakfast, but she did not leave the room, nor did she change her mind.I remember walking aimlessly up and down all day without going into the garden or glancing at the room, and yet in the evening I was a witness to a strange thing: my His father took Count Malevsky by the arm across the hall into the anteroom, and said to him coldly in the presence of one of the servants:

"Your Excellency received an eviction order at someone's house a few days ago, but I am not going to have an explanatory conversation with you now, but I have the honor to inform you that if you come to my place again, I will put you Throw it out of the window. I don't like your handwriting." The count lowered his head, clenched his teeth, shrank himself, and slipped away. We started packing up and moving back to the city, we have a house in the Arbat.Father himself probably didn't want to live in the villa any longer; but he seemed to have dissuaded mother from making matters worse.Everything is going on quietly and without haste.The mother even sent the servants to greet the Duchess and apologize to her for not being able to bid her farewell because of her ill health.I'm walking around like a madman with only one hope: to get this all over as soon as possible.One thought was running through my mind at the time: How could this young lady of hers—

Well, a princess—determined to do it, since she knows my father is a married man, she can marry, even if, say, Belovzorov?What is she counting on?Why aren't you afraid of ruining your own future?I thought to myself, yes, this is love, this is passionate love, this is selfless love... I remembered Lushin's words: Sacrifice yourself for others is happiness.Somehow fate made me see something white standing on one of the windows of the wing... "Could this be Zinaïda's face?" I thought... It was indeed her face.I just can't help it.I couldn't part with her without saying goodbye.I found a suitable time and went to the wing.

The Duchess received me in the drawing-room, and greeted me with her usual casual and inoffensive manner. "What's the matter, master, that you're so busy moving back so early?" she whispered, pushing the snuff-box up her nostrils. I glanced at her and felt relieved.I was sorry to hear Philip's word promissory note.She wasn't suspicious at all, or so I felt at the time.Zinaïda came out from the next room.She was wearing a black dress, her face was pale, and her hair was loose; she silently grabbed my hand and pulled me away. "I heard your voice," she began, "and I came out at once, cruel boy, did you leave us so easily?"

"I have come to say good-bye to you, princess," I replied, "perhaps we are saying goodbye forever. You may have heard that we are moving back to the town." Zinaïda looked at me intently. "Yes, I heard. Thank you for coming. I already thought I'd never see you again. Please forgive me if I'm sorry. I embarrass you sometimes, but I'm not what you think I am." the kind of person." She turned away and leaned against the window. "Really, I'm not that kind of person. I know I give you a bad impression, and you despise me." "I?"

"Yes, you...you." "Me?" I repeated sadly, and my heart throbbed as before under the influence of her indescribable charm. "I? Believe me, Zinaida Alexandrovna, no matter what you do, no matter how hard you embarrass me, I will love and adore you.until the last moment of my life. " She turned to me quickly, opened her arms wide, embraced my head, and kissed me tightly and passionately.God knows who this farewell kiss is aimed at, but I have already tasted its sweetness, and I know that there will be no second kiss like this. "Goodbye, goodbye," I kept saying...

She wrenched herself free and left.I also left the wing.I can't express how I felt when I left.I do not wish to feel like this again someday, but if I never experience it, I shall consider myself an unfortunate man.We moved to the city.I didn't forget the past quickly, nor did I start reviewing my lessons right away.My wounds are healing slowly, but honestly, I don't have any ill feelings toward my father.On the contrary, he seemed taller to me...Let psychologists use their knowledge to explain this ambivalence.Once, walking along a boulevard, I met Lushin, and my heart was filled with indescribable joy.I like his straightforward and sincere character.And I thought him a respectable and amiable man, just by the memories he called up in my mind.I ran towards him...

"Ah!" he whispered, frowning. "It's you, young man! Let me see you. You're still yellow, but your eyes don't look so evil anymore. You look like a grown-up man, not a watchdog. That's good. Well, How are you? Are you working hard? I sighed.I don't want to lie, but I'm too embarrassed to tell the truth. "Well, it's all right," went on Lushin, "don't be afraid. The most important thing is to live a normal life and not get infatuated. Otherwise, what's the use? No matter where the waves take you, It's not as bad. A man stands on his own two feet even if he's standing on a rock. I'm going to cough...

But have you heard about Belovzorov? " "What's going on? I haven't heard of it." "He is nowhere to be heard. He is said to have gone to the Caucasus. That will be a lesson for you, young man. The whole problem was not getting out of the net in time. You seem to have gotten away without a hitch. Be careful, but Stop throwing yourself in the trap. goodbye. " "I'm not going to get stuck..." I thought to myself. "I'll never see her again." But as fate would have it, I saw Zinaïda again.