Chapter 87 Part Two - Twenty Five

Nekhludoff's first feeling upon waking up in the morning was that he had done something vile yesterday. He began to recall: he had never done anything mean, nor had he done any bad deeds, but he had had some thoughts, some bad thoughts, and that was all his plans now, such as marrying Katyusha, giving the land to the peasants, etc., They are all unrealizable, unable to persist, all divorced from reality, and unnatural. He should live as he did in the past. There are really no bad behaviors, but there are far worse things than bad behaviors.That is the thought that causes all kinds of bad behavior.Bad behavior can be unrepeated and regretted, but bad thinking often produces bad behavior.

One bad deed can only pave the way for other bad deeds; but a bad thought drags one down the road. In the morning Nekhludoff went over yesterday's thoughts in his head and wondered how he could have had them, even for a moment.No matter how novel and difficult what he intends to do, he knows that such action is his only way out now.He knew how easy it would be to get back to his old life, but it was a dead end.He now feels that yesterday's temptation is like a person who overslept, he doesn't want to sleep anymore, but still stays on the bed, dazed for a while, although he knows that he should get up and do the important and happy things waiting for him thing.

Today is the last day of his stay in Petersburg.He went to Vasiliev Island early in the morning to see Shustova. Shustova lived on the second floor.Following the instructions of the yard sweeper, Nekhludoff found the back door, went up the steep stairs, and stepped into the stuffy kitchen with a strong smell of food.An elderly woman in spectacles and an apron with rolled up sleeves was standing by the stove, stirring something in a steaming pot. "Who are you looking for?" she asked sharply, looking at the visitor from over the frame of her spectacles. Before Nekhludoff could sign up, the woman's face was filled with surprise and surprise.

"Oh, duke!" exclaimed the woman, wiping her hands on her apron. "How did you go down the back stairs? You are our benefactor! I am her mother. They would have ruined our girl completely. You are our saviour!" she said, grabbing Nekhludoff Husband's hand, desperately kissing. "I went to your place yesterday. My sister asked me to go. She is here. Come with me, this way, this way," said Shustova's mother, leading Nekhliu Dorph passed through a narrow door and a small dark passage, letting go of his tucked-up skirts and brushing his hair along the way. "My sister's name is Kornilova. You must have heard of it," she added softly, stopping at the door. "She's been implicated in politics. She's a very smart woman."

Shustova's mother opened a corridor door and led Nekhludoff into a small room.There was a table in the room, and on a couch behind it sat a plump, short girl in a striped blouse, with a round, pale face framed by flaxen curly hair. Much like her mother.Sitting on the armchair opposite her was a young man, bent low, wearing a Russian shirt with an embroidered collar, and had a black beard on his lips and chin.The two of them talked with great interest, and did not turn their heads until Nekhludoff came in. "Lida, Prince Nekhludoff is here, he is..." The pale girl jumped up nervously, pushed back a lock of hair that fell behind her ears, and stared at the visitor with her large gray eyes.

"Then you are the dangerous woman whom Vera asked me to rescue?" said Nekhludoff, smiling and holding out his hand to her. "Yes, I am," said Lida, showing a good set of teeth, and smiling like a child with kindness. "My aunt wants to see you very much. Aunt!" she called to the door in a sweet voice. "Vera is very sorry that you have been arrested," said Nekhludoff. "Sit down, please, or sit here more comfortably," Lida said, pointing to the broken sofa the young man had just sat on. "This is my cousin Zakharov," she said, noticing Nekhludoff's eyes looking at the young man.

The young man also smiled kindly like Lida, and shook hands with the guest.When Nekhludoff took his seat, he moved a chair by the window and sat down beside it.Another middle school student with fair hair came in from another door, about sixteen years old, and sat down on the window sill without saying a word. "Vera is a good friend of my aunt's, but I hardly know her," said Lida. At this moment a woman came in from the next room, with a pleasant, intelligent face, in a white jacket with a belt around her waist. "How do you do, thank you very much for coming here," she said, sitting down next to Lida on the couch. "Oh, how is our Vera? Have you seen her? How is she doing?"

"She doesn't complain," said Nekhludoff, "she says she feels as good as she can get." "Oh, my Vera, I know her," said the aunt, laughing and shaking her head. "Should get to know her. She was a wonderful person. She was all about others, never about herself." "Yes, she asks nothing of her own, except for your niece. She said that she was mainly upset that your niece was arrested for no reason. " "That's true," said my aunt. "It's a terrible thing! In fact, she's suffering for me." "Not at all, aunt!" said Lida. "Even if you didn't entrust me, I would have kept those papers."

"I know that better than you do," said my aunt. "To tell you the truth," she said, turning to Nekhludoff again, "it's because I was entrusted with some papers for a while, and I sent them to her as I didn't have a house. But they came to search that very evening." , those documents and her were taken away. She has been locked up until now, and they forced her to say who took these documents from." "I never said it," said Lida hastily, flipping her hair nervously, although the lock of hair did not interfere with her. "I didn't say you told it," retorted the aunt.

"They arrested Midin, and I didn't confess him," said Lida, flushing and looking around restlessly. "You don't need to talk about it, Lida," said the mother. "Why don't I mention it, I'm going to tell you," said Lida, already smiling, but her face was still flushed, and instead of brushing her hair, she wrapped a lock of hair around her fingers and kept looking around. "Didn't something go wrong when you mentioned it yesterday?" "Not at all...don't worry about it, auntie. I didn't say anything, and I kept silent. He interrogated me twice, about my aunt, about Midin, and I didn't say anything. I also declared to him that I No answer. So that... Petrov..."

"Petrov is a spy, a gendarme, and a jerk," interrupted the aunt to explain to Nekhludoff. "So he," continued Lida flusteredly, "he came to persuade me. He said: 'No matter what you say to me, it hurts no one, on the contrary . . . If you say it, then, Those who may have been wronged by us can be free.' Huh, but I insisted not to speak. So he said: 'Well, well, if you don't say it, don't say it, but if I say it, don't deny it .' So he named them one by one, and also mentioned Midin." "Oh, don't talk about it," said my aunt. "Oh, auntie, don't interrupt..." She kept tugging at her lock of hair, and kept looking around. "On the second day, unexpectedly, someone knocked on the wall and told me that Midin had been arrested. Well, I think I betrayed him. I was so miserable that I almost went crazy." "Actually his arrest has nothing to do with you," said my aunt. "But I didn't know it at the time. I thought I had betrayed him. I walked from one wall to the other, walked over and over, and couldn't calm down. I always thought I had betrayed him. I lay down to sleep and put the quilt on, and I heard someone say in my ear: "You betrayed Midin, you betrayed Midin, and Midin was betrayed by you." I knew this was an illusion, but I couldn't Restraint. I want to sleep, but I can't sleep; if I don't want to, I can't. Oh, this is really scary!" Lida became more and more excited as she spoke, and she wrapped a lock of hair around her finger, let it go, and kept falling. Look around. "Lida, please be quiet!" said the mother, touching her shoulder. But Lida could no longer restrain herself. "This kind of thing is terrible..." She started to speak again, but before she finished speaking, she burst into tears.She jumped up from the sofa, hooked her clothes on the armchair, and rushed out of the room.Mother ran out after her. "Hang all those bastards!" said the high school student sitting on the windowsill. "What did you say?" asked the mother. "I didn't say anything... I was just talking," the middle school student replied, grabbing a cigarette from the table, lighting it, and puffing.