Chapter 73 Chapter 73

Three weeks later, Mildred took the children to Brighton, and Philip went to the station to see them off.She recovered quickly, and Philip noticed that she looked better than ever.She was going to live in a boarding house in Brighton where she had spent two or three weekends with Emil Miller.She had written a letter in advance, saying that her husband was on a business trip to Germany and that she would be taking the children there for the holidays.She relished the lies she had invented, and had a certain imagination in inventing details.Mildenand intends to find a nanny in Brighton who will be willing to adopt her child.Philip was shocked to see her indifferent and anxious to get rid of the child.But she kept saying that it would be much better to let the child stay elsewhere for a while, and then bring him back, so that the child could gradually get used to living with her, and she also said that this is human nature.Philip had thought that after two or three weeks she had carried the baby herself, it would be time to call out her motherly instincts, and he tried to use this to help him persuade Mildred to keep the baby, but it did not work. That thing.Mildred can't speak badly to the child, she has done everything that should be done.Sometimes the child entertained her, too, and she was often inseparable from the child's affairs.But, deep down in her heart, she had no feelings for the child at all.She couldn't imagine that the child would be a piece of her body.She already had a premonition that the child looked like her biological father.She often wondered to herself what she would do when the child grew up.Thinking of how she was so stupid to be pregnant with such a child, she couldn't help but feel sorry for herself.

"If only I had been as wide awake as I am now," she muttered. She laughed at Philip because he was so anxious, almost to the point of disquiet, for the child's well-being. "If you were the father, you wouldn't make such a fuss," she said. "I'd like to see Emil upset and restless because of the child." Philip had heard talk of foundling houses, and of the poor children who were thrown by their selfish, cruel parents into the hands of thugs whose pleasure was in horrific things.Right now, his mind was filled with these horrible thoughts. "Don't be silly," said Mildred, "it's you paying for a woman to look after the baby. You pay so much a week, and it's good for them to take care of the baby."

Philip insisted that Mildred give up the child to a woman who had never borne her own, and made her promise not to have another child. "Don't worry about wages," he went on, "I'd rather pay half a guie a week than starve or beat this boy." "You're funny, old chap, Philip." It pained Philip to see the child helpless and at his disposal.This little thing looks like an ugly monster, and it will cry and lose its temper at every turn.She came into the world in the shameful and distressed expectation of the one who gave birth to her. No one wanted her, but it was up to him, a stranger, to provide her with food, shelter, and clothes to cover her nakedness. body.

He kissed Mildred as the train started.He would have liked to kiss the little one too, but he was afraid that Mildred would laugh at him for it. "You'll write for me, dear, won't you? I'm looking forward to your return, oh, I can't wait!" "Be careful you have to pass the exam." Recently, he has been tirelessly studying his homework to pass the exam, and there are still ten days left, and he has to make the final sprint.He is impatient to pass the exam: it will save him time and expense, as money has slipped through his fingers at an unimaginable rate over the past four months; and it will mean tedious work The course ends here.He is about to enter the stage of studying medicine, obstetrics and surgery, and studying these three courses is obviously much more interesting than the anatomy and physiology he is still learning so far.Philip looked forward to the remaining three courses with interest.He did not expect to have to confess to Mildred in the end that he had failed the exam, which was difficult though and most of the candidates failed the first time.If he failed the exam, he knew that Mildred would not like him very much, and she always expressed her opinion with a distinctively depressing sneer.

Mildred sent him a postcard saying she was safe.Every day, he took half an hour out of his busy schedule to write a long letter to her.He had always been shy about words, but he found that with the help of this bald pen in his hand, he could write down and tell her without hesitation what he was usually ashamed to say.Thanks to this discovery, he poured out his heart to her.His love for Mildenand was pervasive in every part of him, so that his every action and every thought were influenced by it.However, he had never been able to express his heart to her before.In the letter, he talked freely about his vision for the future, described the bright future before him, and at the same time poured out his gratitude to her.He asked himself (as he had often asked himself before, but never put into words) what it was about Mildred that filled his whole soul with infinite joy.He also couldn't say clearly about this.He only knew that with her by his side, he would feel extremely happy, but once she left him, the whole world would suddenly become desolate, gloomy and gloomy.He only knew that when he thought of her, his heart seemed to gradually grow larger in his body and beat violently, making it difficult to breathe (as if the heart was oppressing the lungs).At this moment, the joy aroused by seeing her turned into almost a dull pain, his legs trembled, and he felt a kind of inexplicable weakness, as if he had not eaten a grain of rice for a long time, and his limbs had been weakened by chronic hunger. , crumbling like.He eagerly awaited her reply.He did not expect her to write very often, for he knew that writing a letter was not easy for Mildred either.She sent a short note, in crooked handwriting, which was an answer to his first four letters, but he was satisfied.In this note she described the boarding house where she had booked a room; told of the weather and the condition of the children; and the lady was fond of children; said she was going to the theater on Saturday night; and finally mentioned that Brighton was full.This short message was so ordinary, but it also stirred Philip's love strings.The illegible handwriting, and the fact that the letter itself was a matter of routine, aroused a strange desire.He wanted to laugh, to take Mildred in his arms, and to kiss her all.

He walked into the examination room full of confidence and excitement.None of the test papers had questions that stumped him.He knew that this test was not bad.The second part of the exam is VIVA VOCE. Although he seemed a little nervous when answering the questions, he still tried his best to give appropriate answers.As soon as the exam results were announced, he sent Mildred a happy telegram. When he got back to the lodgings, he found a letter from her saying that she thought it better for her to stay another week in Brighton, because she had found a woman who would only ask for seven weeks a week. Shilling was willing to take care of her child, but she still wanted to know about this woman.Besides, she had benefited a great deal from the sea-breeze in Brighton, and a longer stay would certainly do her great good.She did not like to ask Philip for money, but it would be best if he would send some money with his reply.Because she'd been wanting to get herself a new hat, and she couldn't keep herself wearing the same hat when she went for walks with the ladies, and her girl friend was pretty dapper about dresses.For a few moments Philip felt miserable and disappointed, and all his joy at having passed the exam vanished.

"If her affection for me is a quarter of the affection I have for her, then she will never have the heart to stay outside for one more year." But he quickly dismissed the idea.This is purely selfish!Of course her health is more important than anything else.But now that he had nothing to do, he might as well go to Brighton and spend the week with her, so they could be together from morning to night.Thinking of this, his heart couldn't help beating.It would be interesting if he suddenly appeared in front of Mildred and told her that he had booked a room in the same boarding house.He went to check the train timetable, but stopped abruptly.He was sure that Mildred would be glad to see him.She made quite a few friends in Brighton.He had always been taciturn, while Mildred liked boisterousness and gaiety.He realized that she was much happier with other people than with him.If he felt even a little bit that he was getting in the way, he couldn't stand the torture.He didn't dare to act rashly, and he didn't even dare to write to suggest that he was idle in the city at the moment, and he would like to spend a week where he could see her every day.She knew he was free, and if she had wanted to send him, she would have written to say so.If he proposed to go, but she gave him all kinds of excuses not to go, he would not dare to ask for it.

The next day he wrote her a letter with five quid in the post, and finally he included a sum in the letter saying that if she was kind enough to see him at the weekend, he would be happy to come to her himself, but She doesn't have to change her original plan for this.He waited anxiously for her reply.She wrote that if she had known she would have made arrangements for it, but she had promised to go to the vaudeville together on Saturday night.Besides, if he stayed there, the people at the boarding house would be talking about it.Why couldn't he come on Sunday morning and spend the day there?So they could have lunch at the Metropol, and she would take him to see the dame-like lady who was about to take care of her baby.

Sunday.Philip thanked the Grand Duke for his beauty, because the weather was fine this day.As the train approached Brighton, wisps of morning light poured down like streams, shining through the windows into the compartment.Mildred was standing on the platform waiting for him. "It's very good of you to come and fetch me!" cried Philip, squeezing her hand tightly. "You really want me to come too, don't you?" "I think you will come. Chew, you look pretty good!" "Health has improved a lot, but I think it's wise to stay here as long as I can. Those people in the boarding house are decent people of the upper class. After months of isolation , I really wanted to raise my spirits. It was so boring sometimes."

She was wearing a new hat, and she looked very refreshed.It was a big black straw hat with many cheap flowers on it.A long, imitation velvet scarf fluttered around her neck.She was still thin and walked with a slight stoop (as she always did), but her eyes seemed not to be as large as they used to be.Although her skin had never had any particular color, the original khaki color had faded.They walked side by side to the sea.Philip remembered that he had not walked with her for several months, and he realized suddenly that he was crippled, and to conceal his embarrassment he walked forward with stiff steps.

"Are you glad to see me?" he asked Mildred.At this moment, his heart was filled with fanatical love. "Of course I'm happy. Do you even have to ask?" "Hello, Griffiths regards you." "I'm so ashamed!" Philip had talked a great deal about Griffiths in her presence.He told her that Griffiths was a frivolous man, and to please her by telling her some of his affairs which Griffiths had disclosed to Philip, after he had received Philip's promise to keep the secrecy.Mildred listened, sometimes with dismissive contempt, but generally with curiosity.Philip also described his friend's good looks and easy manners with a sort of envious admiration. "You're sure to like him as much as I do. He's a jovial, funny guy, a very nice fellow." Philip also told Mildred how Griffiths had taken care of him when he lay ill in bed, when he and Griffiths were strangers to each other.In this account he told the whole story of Griffiths' heroic deeds. "You can't help liking him," said Philip. "I don't like handsome men," said Mildred. "In my opinion, they are all too arrogant." "He wants to make your acquaintance. I often talk about you to him." "What were you talking to him about?" asked Mildred. Philip had no one to tell of his full affection for Mildred but to Griffiths, and thus he gradually shrugged off his relationship with Mildred to Griffiths.He had pictured Mildred's features to Griffiths no less than fifty times.He described Mildred's appearance in such detail and detail with so much affection that Griffiths knew what her slender hands were like, and how pale she was. Be clear.Griffiths laughed at Philip when he spoke of her thin, pale and attractive lips. "Ah! I'm glad I don't treat things as clumsily as you do," he said. "Otherwise, there is no point in living in this world." Philip smiled.How did Griffith know the sweetness of passionate love, just like the meat, wine and air that people cannot live without for a moment.He knew that the girl had been in Philip's care during the pregnancy and that Philip was going to go on holiday with her now. "Well, I'd say you deserve your reward," said Griffiths to Philip. "You must have spent a lot of money this time. Fortunately, you can afford it." "I can't do it, either," went on Philip. "But I don't care!" It was still early and it was not time to eat. Philip and Mildred sat in a sheltered corner of the square, enjoying the sunshine while watching the tourists passing by in the square intently.Some Brighton shop assistants walked in twos and threes, waving their canes, and groups of Brighton shop girls walked forward with cheerful steps, giggling constantly.They both recognized at a glance who had come from London to spend the day.There was a chill in the air, which made the Cockneys look sleepy and lethargic.A group of Jews passed by, the old ladies, who were stocky, wrapped in satin clothes, and shining with jewels, and the men, who were short and bloated, always spoke with rich gestures.There were also well-dressed, middle-aged gentlemen who spent weekends in big hotels.After a good breakfast they paced painstakingly to and fro, in order to keep their appetites alive for a good lunch.They set the clocks with each other, and talked anecdotes about Dr. Brighton or London by the sea.Occasionally, a well-known actor walked by, which attracted the attention of all the people present, yes.Therefore, the famous actor put on an air of innocence.Sometimes he wore a coat with an astrakhan collar, patent leather boots on his feet, and a cane with a silver handle in his hand; Wearing a robe, wearing a pair of bloomers, and covering the back of his head with a tweed cap, he strolled leisurely, as if he had just returned from hunting.The sun shines on the blue sea.The blue sea is as flat as a mirror. After lunch, the two of them went to Hove to visit the woman who had adopted the child.The woman lived in a small house in a back street.Although the house is small, it is neat and tidy.Her name was Mrs. Harding, a vigorous woman of middle age, with gray hair and a red, plump face.She wore a hat and looked motherly, so that Philip thought she looked like a kindly lady. "Don't you think child-rearing is a very nasty chore?" Philip said to the woman. The woman explained to them both that her husband was a curate and much older than she was.The vicars of the parish wanted young men to be their assistants, and it was difficult for her husband to get a permanent position, and he had to fill in when someone was away on vacation or sick in bed, earning a few cents. stature.In addition, some charity gave the couple a small relief money.She felt lonely, so having a baby might liven things up a little.Besides, the few shillings she earned from caring for the children would help her support her.She promised to feed the child to be fat and fat. "She's a real lady, isn't she?" said Mildred to Philip, after they had taken their leave. They both went back to the Metropol for tea.Mildred loved the crowd and the band there.Philip was too lazy to talk.While Mildred was gazing intently at the dress of the incoming lady, he gazed silently into her face.She has a special insight, and she can see how much something is worth at a glance.From time to time she leaned over to Philip and reported in a low voice the results of her observations. "Do you see the egret feathers there? They're worth seven guineas apiece!" Presently she said again: "Look at that ermine gown, Philip. It's rabbit, and that's—that's not ermine." She laughed triumphantly. "I can recognize it from a distance." Philip beamed with joy.It pleased him too to see her so happy, and he was delighted and moved by her witty remark.The band over there played melancholy and moving music. After dinner, the two of them walked towards the train station.Meanwhile Philip took Mildred's arm.He told her about his arrangements for the trip to France.He wanted Mildred to go back to London this weekend, but she said she couldn't get back to London until next Saturday.He had booked a room in a hotel in Paris.He was eagerly looking forward to booking a ticket. "You won't object to our going to Paris in second class, will you? We can't afford to be extravagant, and as long as we have a good time there, it's better than anything else." Philip had spoken of the Latin Quarter no less than a hundred times in her presence.They will wander among the quaint and friendly streets and alleys of the district, and will sit leisurely in the gardens of the Grand Parc de Luxembourg.When they had had enough of Paris, they could go to Fontainebleau, if the weather was good.At that time, the branches will have new leaves.In early spring, the forest is lush and green, and the scenery is more beautiful than anything else.It is like a carol, like a love with a hint of sadness in its sweetness.Mildred listened in silence.He turned to stare at her. "You'd love to come, wouldn't you?" he asked. "Of course," she said with a sweet smile. "You don't know how eagerly I am looking forward to the early arrival of this trip. I don't know how to spend the next few days. I am afraid that extra troubles will cause this trip to fail. Sometimes, because I can't tell how much I cherish for you Deep love, I'm going crazy. Here it is, at last, at last..." He stopped abruptly.They have come to the station.So long had he been on the road that Philip had no time to say good-bye to Mildred, kissed her hastily, and then ran as fast as he could towards the ticket gate.She stood still.His running posture is really awkward and ugly.