Chapter 72 Chapter 72

For the next three months Philip visited Mildred every day.He took his book with him when he went, and as soon as tea was over he immersed himself in his work, while Mildred lay on the sofa enjoying the novel.Sometimes, he raised his head and stared at her for a while, with a faint sweet smile on his lips.Mildred, however, always sensed the look he was looking at her. "Don't watch me waste your time, fool! Do your homework," she said. "What a dictator," he replied cheerfully. When Philip saw the landlady come in to spread the table-cloth for dinner, Philip put down his book, and joked with her in good spirits.The landlady was an elderly, thin Cockney, with a sharp tongue and an amusing sense of humour.Mildred had befriended her, and had given her a detailed but false account of the circumstances which had led to her present unfortunate situation.The kind-hearted little woman was deeply moved, and felt that so long as Mildred lived comfortably, no trouble was too great.Mildred, out of politeness, suggested that Philip appear as her brother.They dined together, and Mildred's appetite was unpredictable.But Philip always felt unspeakably happy when he ordered something that whetted her appetite.Seeing her sitting opposite him, he couldn't help being fascinated; he couldn't restrain his inner joy, and from time to time he took her hand and held it tightly.After dinner, Mildred settled into an easy chair near the fire, and he sat on the floor next to her, leaning on her knees, with a cigarette in his mouth.They were often silent.Sometimes, noticing her dozing, Philip would not move for fear of waking her, but would sit quietly, gazing idly at the fire, and enjoy his happiness to the fullest.

"Did you sleep soundly during the afternoon nap?" He asked with a smile when she woke up. "I didn't sleep," she replied, "I just closed my eyes." She would never admit that she was asleep.She was aloof by nature, and her present condition did not particularly inconvenience her.For her own health, she has put in all her efforts, no matter what, as long as he is willing to make suggestions, she will listen to them.Every morning, as long as the weather is good, she goes out and stays outside for a while.When the weather wasn't too cold, she sat in St. James's Park.The rest of the day, she spent leisurely sitting on the sofa, either reading one novel after another, or chatting with the landlady.She loves to gossip, and her chatter is so intense that it lasts for a long time.She babbled to Philip about the landlady's history, and anecdotes about the lodgers and neighbors who lived on the living-room floor.Now and then, with a frightened look on her face, she told Philip that she was afraid of the pain of childbirth, that she might die because of it.Then Philip was told all about the confinement of the landlady and the lady who lived above the drawing-room. (As for the lady above the living room, Mildred didn't know her. "I'm just a quiet person," she said, "not the type to strike up a conversation." ) she narrated in an indescribably excited and terrified tone, but most of the time, she remained calm about the imminent labor.

"Anyway, I'm not the first woman to have a baby, am I? And the doctor says I'll be all right. You see, I'm not born barren." Seeing that the due date was approaching, Mildred went to find Mrs. Owen, the landlady.Mrs. Owen recommended a doctor, and Mildred checked every other week.The doctor charges fifteen guineas. "Of course, I can pay him back the price, but Mrs. Owen strongly recommends this doctor, so I don't think I can lose more than I have." "I don't care about the cost, if it's pleasant and comfortable for you!" said Philip.

She took it for granted that Philip did for her, as if it were a matter of course; and Philip, on his part, liked to spend money for her, and every five-pound note aroused in him Happiness and pride.Philip gave her a good sum of money, because she never spent money calculatingly. "I can't tell how the money was spent," she said to herself, "it ran through my fingers like water." "It doesn't matter," said Philip, "anything I can do for you, I'd love to do." She was not good at needlework, nor did she sew the few essential garments for the soon-to-be-born child.She told Philip that it would be much cheaper to buy pieces of it than to make them yourself.Philip had several mortgages, and that was all his money.He recently sold one for five hundred pounds, which is now in the bank, ready to be invested in a cause whose significance cannot be immediately understood.At this moment, he felt that he was extraordinarily rich.The two of them often dreamed of the future together.Philip wanted Mildred to take the baby with him, but Mildred kept refusing, because she still had to earn a living, and it would be much easier to find a job without the baby.She intended to go back to the shop where she had worked and leave the child with a decent woman in the country.

"I can find someone who will take care of the baby for seven shillings and sixpence. It's good for me and good for the baby." This seemed a little unnatural to Philip.But when he tried to reason with Mildred, she pretended to think that Philip was only heartbroken about paying child support. "Child support, you don't have to worry about it," she said, "I will never ask you to pay it." "I don't care how much I have to pay, you know that." Deep down in Mildred's heart she wished that the child was stillborn.Although she did not show it at all, Philip saw that she did.At first, Philip couldn't help being taken aback, but later, after some consideration, he had to admit that, in view of various factors, it was desirable that this was the case.

"It's nice to sit and talk about this and that," complained Mildred, "but it's hard to get a girl out to fend for herself, and it's much harder when you have a child with you." "Fortunately, you and I can help you," Philip said with a smile, and took Mildred's hand. "Philip, you have been very kind to me." "Oh, talk some goddamn shit!" "You can't say that I didn't pay you at all for everything you did for me." "For God's sake, I never wanted anything from you. If I did anything for you, it was because I loved you. You owe me nothing. I hope you Love me too. I don't want anything else from you."

Philip was a little taken aback at the idea that Mildred saw her body as a commodity which she could freely offer to buyers for the best possible use. "But I should like to repay you, Philip. You have always been so kind to me." "Well, there's no harm in waiting a little longer. We'll go on our honeymoon for a few days after you're better." "You're naughty," she said with a bright smile, blaming Philip. Mildred hoped to confine herself to confinement in March in Yangchun, and as soon as she recovered, she would go to the seaside for half a month, so that Philip could study for the exam undisturbed, and then it would be Easter. The two of them had already planned to go to Paris for vacation. .Philip was talking endlessly about their activities in Paris.Until then, Paris was a delightful place to be.They could take a room in a small hotel in the Latin Quarter, which he knew well, eat food in one of the charming little restaurants, go to the opera at the theater.He would also take her to enjoy music and lead her to meet his relatives and friends.All this will amuse her.He had spoken of Cronshaw to Mildred, and she had longed to see him.And Lawson, who had been in Paris for several months.They will also visit the Ballroom des Pilliers, and they will visit Versailles, Chatraz, and Fontainebleau.

"That's going to cost a lot of money," she said. "Oh, it doesn't matter how much it costs. Think about it. I've been looking forward to this day and night. Don't you know how much it means to me? I never loved anyone but you, and I never will." will love others." Mildred smiled and listened to his impassioned speech in silence.He thought that what he saw in her smiling eyes was tenderness, for which he was grateful to her.She is much more tender than usual.The air of arrogance which had been unpleasant in her before was gone now.She was used to staying in front of him, and she no longer put on a pose, and she no longer combed her hair as carefully as before, but casually tied it into a bun.Her thick bangs, which she usually keeps neat and tidy, were let loose.Her thin face made her eyes appear very large.The lower eyelids are wrinkled and stand out against the pale cheeks.She looked gloomy and sad.From her, Philip seemed to see the shadow of the Virgin Mary.He hoped that Mildred would never change her color from year to year.He experienced happiness that he had never experienced in his life.

Every evening, at ten o'clock, Philip rose to take leave of Mildred, partly because she liked to go to bed early, and partly because he would have to work an hour or two when he got back, to make up for the hours he had lost. .He usually brushes her hair before leaving her.After saying good night to her, Philip dedicated his kisses to her ceremonially.First, he kissed the palm of her hand (how slender her fingers are, and how beautiful her nails are, because she spent a lot of time trimming them), then he kissed her hands from right to left. She closed her eyes, and finally kissed her lips, kissed and kissed.On the way home, his heart was overflowing with love.He looked forward to the opportunity to fulfill his life's desire to make up for the lack of self-sacrifice that had worn him out.

Soon it was time for Mildred to move to a private hospital, where she was due to give birth.At this point Philip could only visit her in the afternoon.Mildred made up another story, presenting herself as the wife of a soldier stationed with a regiment in India, and introducing Philip as her brother-in-law to the matron of the private hospital. "I have to be careful about what I say," she told Philip, "because there is a wife here whose husband works in the Ministry of Home Affairs." "I wouldn't worry about that if I were you," said Philip. "I believe her husband went in the same boat as yours."

"What ship?" she asked innocently. "Ghost ship!" Mildred successfully gave birth to a girl.The baby was lying beside her when Philip was allowed in to see her.Mildred's body was very weak, but her spirits were light because it was all over.She showed the baby to Philip, and she looked at him curiously. "The little thing looks funny, doesn't it? I can't believe she was born to me." The newborn was red all over, wrinkled, and looked weird.Philip looked at it, with a smile on his face, not knowing what to say.He was embarrassed because the nurse who owned the private hospital was standing next to him.From the way she looked at herself it seemed to Philip that she did not believe Mildred's complicated version at all, that he was the child's biological father. "What are you going to name her?" asked Philip. "Whether to call her Madeleine or Cecilia, I haven't made up my mind yet." The nurse walked away, leaving the two of them alone for a few minutes.Then Philip bent down and kissed Mildred on the mouth. "Honey, I'm glad that everything passed without a hitch." She raised her slender arms and hooked them around Philip's neck. "You're such a sweet fellow, Phil dear." "Now at last I feel that you are mine. I have waited a long time for you, my dear." They heard the orderly come to the door, and Philip straightened up hastily.When the nurse entered the room, a faint smile appeared on the corner of his mouth.