Chapter 38 Chapter 10

"I say," said the prince to me, as we got into the carriage with me, "how about we go and have a snack now? What do you like?" "Really, I don't know, duke," I answered hesitantly, "I never eat supper..." "Well, of course, we can talk while we eat our supper," he added, looking slyly at me, looking me in the eyes. How can you not understand it! "He wants to give his opinion," I thought, "I can only ask for it." I agreed. "That's a deal. Go to Restaurant B on Ocean Avenue." "Going to a restaurant?" I asked a little confused.

"Yes. What's the matter? I seldom eat supper at home. Don't you want me to treat you?" "But as I told you, I never eat supper." "It's okay to make an exception. Besides, I invite you..." What he meant was that I'll pay the bill for you; I believe he added that on purpose.I promised to accompany him to the restaurant, but I decided to pay for it myself.Here we are.The Duke asked for a private seat, and ordered three or two dishes very expertly, and the dishes were also very tasty. road.The dishes were very expensive, and he also ordered a bottle of high-end aperitif, which was also very expensive.None of this is something I can afford.I looked at the menu and ordered half a grouse and a small glass of Lafayette.The Duke protested loudly.

"You don't want to have supper with me! It's even ridiculous. I'm sorry, my friend, but, you know, this is ... outrageous self-containment. It's the smallest pride at work. There's almost a mixture of it here." There is grade bias See, I bet it must be.To tell you the truth, you look down on me. " But I am stubborn. "Then again, as you please," he added. "I won't force you... May I have a friendly chat with you, Ivan Petrovitch?" "This is what I wish for." ① Refers to the Borel restaurant in Petersburg. ②The original text is French.

"Well, I think this kind of self-discipline is not good for you. You all have it, and it's all bad for you, too. You're a literary man, and you ought to know the best of society, but you keep it at arm's length. what i'm saying now Not grouse, I mean you'd do a lot of harm by refusing all association with our circle at all.In addition, you will lose a lot of things - well, in a word, you will lose your chance to become a big star - besides, that is, Let’s talk about this, you should also experience the things you describe for yourself. In your novels, there are counts, dukes, and little flower halls... Then again, what am I talking about.What you write now is nothing but poverty, lost

Set, the imperial envoy.Troubled officers, bureaucrats, the past and the life of the schismatics, etc., I know, I know. " "But your lordship is wrong, duke; the reason I don't go to what you call 'the circle of the upper classes' is, first, that it's boring, and second, that there's nothing to do there. But in the end, there's nothing to do there. I still go often after all... ..." "Yeah, once a year I go to Duke P's, that's where I met you. And the rest of the year you wallow in your democratic pride, in your attic Gaunt for Yixiao, though you guys

Not all of them are like this.There are also some people who prefer novelty, even I find it disgusting..." "I beg you, Duke, to change the subject and stop talking about our garrets, please." "Oh, my God, you're surprised. Then again, you allowed me to speak kindly to you. But, I'm sorry, I haven't done anything to deserve your kindness. OK, try it." He poured me half a glass from his bottle. "Look, my dear Ivan Petrovitch, I know very well that it is unseemly to make friends with people. You know, not all of us are as rude and insolent to you as you think; Hmm. I know too well that you

You sit with me not because you have any affection for me, but because I promised to talk to you.isn't it? " he laughed. "Because you're looking after some chick's interests, and you want to hear what I have to say. Is that so?" he added with a mean smile. "You're right," I interrupted impatiently (I found him to be one of those people who, when they see someone even a little bit in their grasp, immediately let him felt it. I was in the It was in his grasp that I couldn't go without hearing everything he was going to say, and he knew it perfectly.His tone of speech suddenly changed, and it became more and more intimidating and presumptuous, and more and more full of mockery. "You are right, duke; I am

That's why I'm here, otherwise, to be honest, I wouldn't be... sitting here so late. " ① "The Lost Overcoat", "Imperial Envoy" and "Official" refer to Gogol's "Overcoat" and "Imperial Envoy" respectively. "Officers who provoke and make trouble" refers to Schedrin's "Scattered Notes from Other Provinces". "Years Bygone," "Schismatics" "The Life of My Life" refers to Melnikov's (1818-1883) anti-serfdom novel. I was about to say: Otherwise I wouldn't have stayed with you, but I didn't say it, but put it another way, not out of fear, but out of my damned weakness and politeness.How can you speak rudely in front of others?despite this

People deserve to treat him like this.Although I would love to say a few sarcasm about him!I think the duke saw it in my eyes, and he kept looking at me sarcastically all the time I said this, as if admiring my cowardice, as if using his eyes. God deliberately teased me: "Why, you dare not, you are afraid, aren't you, little brother!" It must be so, because as soon as I finished speaking, he burst out laughing, and used a kind of tolerant and tolerant expression. He patted my knee in an unfriendly manner. "You're funny, little man," I read in his eyes. "Wait a minute!" I thought to myself.

"I'm very happy today!" he exclaimed, "and, really, I don't know why. Yes, yes, my friend, yes! That's the girl I'm talking about. It should be said thoroughly, with a result , I hope this time you understand exactly what I mean.Before I came to the Countess's, I told you about the money, about the idiot father, a sixty-year-old boy... huh!There is no need to mention him now.I am nothing more than Just say whatever you want!Hahaha, you know, you are engaged in literature, you should understand what I mean..." I looked at him in surprise.Apparently he wasn't drunk yet.

"Well, as for the girl, I respect her, and even like her, really; she's a little petulant, but as they said fifty years ago: 'There's no rose without thorns', again, and Well said: Although stabbing people, but It is precisely because of Zha that he is charming. Although my Alexei is a big fool, I have already forgiven him more or less-this kid has eyesight.In short, I like this kind of girl, besides I (he pursed his lips meaningfully) even have another fight Forget it... well, this is a later story..." "Duke! I say duke!" I cried. "I don't understand why you're so contradictory, but . . . change the subject, please!" "You're in a hurry again! Well, well... change the subject, change the subject! But I want to ask you a question, my good friend: do you respect her?" "Of course," I replied rudely and impatiently. "Well, you love her too?" he continued, grinning repulsively and narrowing his eyes. "You've lost your mind!" I exclaimed. "Okay, no, no! Please be calm and don't be impatient. I'm in a bad mood today. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Shall we have some incense! What do you think, my poet?" "I don't drink, I don't want to drink!" "Don't say that! You must accompany me today. I am in a good mood today, because my temper has been so good that I am sentimental, so I can't be happy alone, happiness should be shared. Who knows, we drink come and drink, will drink It's possible to become a close friend, hahaha!No, my young friend, you don't know me yet!I believe that you will like me.I hope you can share joy, sorrow, joy and tears with me today, although I hope I At least not crying.How is it, Ivan Petrovitch?Just think about it, if you don't do what I want, my inspiration will go away, disappear, and you won't hear anything; well, you're only here thinking hear something.Isn't it right? He added presumptuously winking at me, "Then, please choose." " This threat must not be taken lightly.I agreed. "Isn't he trying to get me drunk?" I thought.I would like to take this opportunity to mention a rumor about the duke, which I have long heard.It is said that although he is polite in society , gentle and gentle, but sometimes fond of nocturnal carnivals until he was quite drunk, he was fond of stealthy courtesies, hideously and mysteriously promiscuous.... I have heard some terrible rumors about him... It is said that, Alyosha also knew that his father sometimes drank heavily, but he kept it secret from everyone, especially Natasha.Once, he slipped the tongue to me, but immediately diverted the conversation and avoided answering my question.However, this matter, I am not from his I heard it there, and to be honest, I didn't believe it at first.Now wait and see the following. The waiter brought the wine; the duke poured out two glasses, one for himself and one for me. "A lovely, very sweet little girl, even though she scolded me!" he continued, sipping his wine with relish, "but these lovely young ladies are very lovely at this time, it is At times like this...she Maybe he thought he had taunted me severely, remember that night, he taunted me to shame!Hahaha!What a blush on her face!Are you an expert at playing women?Have you noticed that sometimes a sudden blushing in the face can make the original pale Add infinite spring to your face?O my God!You are probably angry again? " "Yes, I'm very angry!" I exclaimed, unable to restrain myself, "I don't want to hear you talking about Natalya Nikolaevna now . . . that is, in this tone. She, I...I don't allow you to be presumptuous!" "Ouch! Well, well, it's up to you to change the subject. I'd better not talk. I'll talk about you. I like you, Ivan Petrovich, you don't know how friendly and sincere I am." I sympathize with you..." "Duke, please get back to business," I interrupted him. "You want to talk about our business. I understand what you mean when you open your mouth, my friend, you probably don't expect it, of course, if we come to talk about you now, and you don't interrupt me. , we almost get down to business. Because So, hear me go on: I want to tell you, Ivan Petrovich, whom I respect most, that living in the way you live will undoubtedly ruin yourself.Allow me to touch upon this delicate subject; I say this out of friendship.you are poor You advance the remuneration to your boss, use it to pay off your debts, and use the rest of the money to spend the years, which is only enough for half a year's expenses, and you can only drink a cup of tea. You are waiting in fear in your attic, when will you be able? Finish your novel and ask your old Board's journal submission; isn't it? " "Even so, but after all..." "After all, it's more honorable than stealing, than being servile, than taking bribes, than playing tricks, etc., and so on. I know, I know what you mean; it's all written in the press and in the books." "So you don't have to talk about me. Duke, do you want me to teach you how to be polite?" "Well, of course, I don't dare to trouble you. But we have touched this delicate string, so what can we do? We can't get around it. Well, then again, let's not talk about the attic. I I have no interest in this either, except Not under certain circumstances (he laughed obnoxiously again).But what I find strange is: why are you willing to play a supporting role?Of course, remember, where one of your writers said: If a person can be limited to the current situation in life If he is a supporting role, then he has made a great contribution ③... Seems like that's what he said!I seem to have heard about this somewhere, but you know, Alyosha took your fiancée away, I know that, and you are like a Schiller , willingly to be crucified for them, currying favor with them, courting them, almost running errands for them... Excuse me, my dear, but this is nothing but an abominable way of giving pleasure to others game...seriously , why don't you feel disgusted!Shameful even.If I were you, I would die of anger; the main thing is: Shame, shame! " ①The original text is French. ② Refers to a sentence that Bersenev said in the first chapter of Turgenev's "The Eve" when he argued with the guest: "However, in my opinion, the whole meaning of our life should be to put ourselves in the What about the second place?" (Humanities Edition "The Father and the Night Before" Son" page 12) ③ refers to a kind-hearted idealist. "Duke! It looks like you brought me here on purpose to insult me!" I cried, maddened by his anger. "Oh, no, my friend, I am a man of talk, and I wish you happiness. In a word, I would like to save the matter. But let's not talk about the whole thing, please listen to what I have to say. , please try not to get angry, even if you listen to me Say such three or two minutes.Well, if you get married, how would you like it?You know, I'm talking about a completely irrelevant thing now; why are you looking at me so much? " "I was waiting for you to finish," I replied, and I did look at him in surprise. "No need to say any more. I just want to know that if you have a friend who wishes you well and wishes you happiness, and that happiness should be solid and real and not fleeting, he introduces you to A girl who is both Young and beautiful, but ... I have already tasted something, what can I say; I say this only figuratively, but you must know what I mean, for example, like Natalia Nikolai A girl like Yevna, needless to say, is also For a handsome paycheck... (note, I'm talking about irrelevant matters, not about ours); well, what's the point? " "I'll tell you, you're... crazy." "Hahaha! Oops! You almost hit me, didn't you?" I can't wait to jump on him.I can't take it anymore.He struck me like a big reptile, a big spider, and I wanted to crush him to death.He mocked me for his own gain; he played like a cat with a mouse He messed with me, thinking he could manipulate me at will.I feel (and I understand it) that he finds a pleasure in this baseness, in this rogue behavior and the ignorance which at last unmasks me. Great satisfaction.He wanted to appreciate my surprise, my fear.He looked down on me from the bottom of his heart and mocked me to my face. I had a hunch from the beginning that all this was premeditated, to achieve some purpose; but I was in such a position that I had to listen to him anyway.For Natasha, I must bite the bullet and endure all this, because the whole This problem may have to be solved now.But how can he listen to such shameless and despicable personal attacks on her, and how can he calmly tolerate them?Besides, he knows very well, I can't help but listen to him This set of fallacies is even more exasperating. "However, doesn't he need me too," I thought, and so I kept retaliating back at him with brusqueness and sarcasm.This, he also understands. "I say, my young friend," he began, looking at me gravely again, "that we can't go on talking like this, so let's first agree on terms. You understand, I have something to say to you, So no matter what I say, you must You must condescend to listen.I hope that I can say what I want, say what I like, and really, that's how it should be.Well, how is it, my young friend, do you have the patience to listen? " I suppressed my anger and said nothing, although he looked at me with a wry sneer, as if provoking my most determined objections.But he understood that I had agreed to stay, and he went on: "Please don't be angry with me, my friend. What are you angry about? It's just about appearances, isn't it? You know, to tell the truth, you never expected me to say anything else. Come, no matter how I speak to you How to: Be polite and courteous, just as you are now.You despise me, don't you?You must understand that there are still many advantages in me: I am casual, I am frank, and I have a good heart①.I hide nothing from you, not even my childish He can do whatever he wants, and is outspoken to his subordinates.Yes, my dear ②, yes, if only you would be more kind ③, we can talk together, come to a thorough understanding, and at last we can understand each other thoroughly.you don't have to Make a fuss about me: I'm sick of all this innocence, all this Alyosha idyll, all this Schillerian fantasy, with this Natasha (then again, the chick is cute of) the damn All this nobility and grandeur in relationships, I'd love to have the chance to grimace and laugh at all of it.The opportunity really came.Besides, I also want to express my heart in front of you.Hahaha! " "You amaze me, Prince, I don't recognize you. You speak like a clown; this unexpected frankness..." "Hahaha! You know, there's a reason for that! What a metaphor! Hahaha! I'm just a big eater, my friend, I'm a big eater, I'm happy, I am content, well, and you, my poet, you should Be as accommodating to me as possible.But we might as well drink," he said, completely satisfied, pouring into his glass. "I say, my friend, that one stupid evening, do you remember, in Natasha's I'm miserable.Say Really, she was lovely in person, but I was so pissed off when I came out of her, I can't get over that.I can't forget it, and I don't want to hide it.Of course, there will always be a day when we will be proud, and it is not too far away, but for now let's not to talk about it.In addition, I would like to explain to you: there is another feature of my character that you don't know-I have a deep abhorrence of all these vulgar, worthless innocence and idyllic, and my greatest enjoyment is to always pretend to be happy. Cavity Posture, first pretending to be this look, adopting this tone, then comforting and encouraging a certain forever young Schiller in every possible way, and then suddenly giving him a slap in the face; suddenly give him Make a face and stick your tongue out at him when he least expects me to do it.What?You don't understand that, you probably think it's abominable, absurd, and not noble, don't you? " ①②③The original text is French. "of course." "You're very frank. Oh, what can I do! They always make me miserable! I'm a bit of a fool to be frank, but that's what I was born with. But I'd like to tell you something about my life. something worth noting. This way, you'll be more Get to know me, and it sounds pretty interesting, too.Yes, maybe I really looked like a juggling clown today; but clowns are candid, don't they? " "I said Duke, it's late at night, really..." "What? God, you're so impatient! What's your hurry! Well, let's sit down and have a friendly, heart-to-heart talk, you know, we drink and talk like good friends. You Thought I was drunk, okay, This is even better.Hahaha!Truly, such friendly heart-to-heart talks are always memorable and refreshing to think about.You are not a good man, Ivan Petrovitch.You are too hard-hearted and unfeeling.Oops, spend an hour with me What is it to you to talk to such a friend?Besides, this is also related to what we are going to talk about... Oh, why don't you understand the reason?You are still a writer; when you come across such an opportunity, you should be grateful.To know , you can describe me as a typical example, hahaha!God, what a lovely frank I am today! " He was obviously drunk.His face changed, showing a fierce expression.He obviously wanted to be sarcastic, prickly, biting, and taunting to his heart's content. "It's better to be drunk," I thought, "a drunk man talks a lot, and he loses his words." But he had a dark heart, Clearly stayed behind. "My friend," he began again, evidently admiring himself, "I confessed to you just now, perhaps inappropriately, when I said that sometimes I can't help but want to spit on someone under certain circumstances. Tongue. Because I'm too frank, too naive Really, too honestly, that's why you compare me to a clown, which makes me laugh.But if you reproach me, and surprise me, as if I were talking to you now in a rude way, perhaps as a servant, it would be out of place—in a word , I suddenly changed my tone when talking to you, so I want to say that what I said is wrong.First of all, I would like to be like this, and secondly, I am not at home, but with you... I mean, we are two good friends now having a good time together Drink, and thirdly, I like to mess around.Do you know that sometimes I can be whimsical, and even become a daydreamer and a person full of benevolence and morality, almost like you, with sky-high fantasies.Then again, it’s been a long time, when When I was young and in the prime of my life.I remember, at the time, going back to the country for humanitarian purposes, and needless to say I was bored; you can't believe what I was doing?Because of boredom, I started to meet some Pretty girl... aren't you making a face, aren't you?O my young friend!Now we are having a friendly chat.It's time to open your mind when you're drinking happily!I'm a Russian character through and through, a real Russian Adams character, patriotism, I like to open my mind, besides, time is fleeting, youth is gone, you should enjoy yourself in time.Dead pull down!Well, so I went after the girl.Remember a shepherdess had a husband, a handsome young peasant , I beat him up and tried to send him into the army (it's all old pranks, my poet!) but it didn't work out.He died in the hospital I ran... I ran a hospital in the village with twelve beds--very well equipped It was clean and tidy, with parquet floors.Then again, I closed down this hospital a long time ago, but I was proud of it at the time: I am a philanthropist, but a farmer was almost killed by me because of his wife... Oh, what are you doing again face?You don't like to hear it, disgusting?Offended your noble feelings?Well, well, please be quiet!The past is like smoke, and it is all gone.When I was doing this, I was full of ideals, wanting to benefit mankind and build a charitable society... At that time, I Just went down this road.That's when I hit someone.Now I don't enter; now it's time to put on airs; now we're all putting on airs -- the situation dictates... But now the furthest thing I feel is that great fool Ikhmenev .I'm sure the old fellow knows all about the story of the peasant... But so what?Because of his kindness, his heart seemed to be made of honey, and because he fell in love with me at that time, he praised me so much that even he himself He believed it to be true—he made up his mind not to believe anything, and he really didn’t believe it, that is to say, he insisted on not believing the facts, and he insisted on protecting me and backing me for twelve years, until he burned himself and burned himself.Hahaha!well, it's all nonsense!Come, cheers, my young friend.I said: Do you like playing with women? " I didn't answer anything.I just listen to him talk.He's already on his second bottle of wine. "I like to talk about women while eating supper. After supper, I'll introduce you to a Miss Philibert. How about it? My respect? What's the matter with you? You won't even look at me... oh ah?" He thought about it.But suddenly he raised his head again, glanced at me with ulterior motives, and continued. "Well, my poet, I want to reveal to you a secret of mine, about which you probably know nothing. I am sure you will call me a guilty man, and even a scumbag at this very moment. Maybe with a pervert. But in I have a word of advice!As long as it is possible (however, according to human nature, this will never be possible), as long as each of us can describe all our privacy, but if we are not afraid to say it is not only because we are afraid to say it but because we are unwilling to say it anyway. for If he is afraid to say things that are humane, he is not only afraid to tell his friends, but sometimes he is even afraid to admit things to himself-if this can be done, then there will be a bad smell in the world. We all suffocate.by the way, That's why the rules and etiquette of our high society are so good.There is a deep meaning in it--not a moral deep meaning, but a simple preventive effect, which makes people more satisfied, which is better, needless to say, because morality is so real. In fact, it is gratification, that is to say, morality was invented only to make people gratify.But about etiquette and so on, let's talk about it later, I'm a bit incoherent now, please remind me later.My conclusion is: you accuse me of lust, My morals are corrupt, but now my mistake is to be more frank than others, that's all; my mistake is, as I said before, I don't hide things that other people would hide from themselves... I did a very nasty thing , but that's what I want now.then again Then again, don't you worry," he added, sarcastically, "I said 'I was wrong,' but I had no intention of asking for forgiveness.Please also note that I neither intend to embarrass you nor ask you whether you have What a secret, so that you can use your secrets to excuse me... I behaved decently and noblely.On the whole, what I have done has always been noble..." ①The original text is French. "You're talking too much," I said, looking at him contemptuously. "That's too much, hahaha! You want me to tell you what you're thinking right now? You're thinking: Why did I bring you here, and suddenly, for no reason, talk to you about things you shouldn't be talking about? Right? ?” "right." "Well, you will understand later." "The simplest reason is that you have drunk almost two bottles of wine, and... a little drunk." "Simply say I'm drunk. That's quite possible. 'A little drunk!'--that's a milder euphemism than drunk. Oh, what a polite fellow! But . . . Seems like a fight started, we were talking about a object of interest.Yes, my poet, if there is anything beautiful and sweet in the world, it is a woman. " "I said, duke, I still don't understand. How could you think of choosing me to be your secret and pursuit...love confidant?" "Well... Didn't I tell you that you'd understand later? Don't worry; but then again, if there's no purpose, no reason at all; you're a poet, you'll understand me, and I I have told you this. This sudden Suddenly tearing off the mask, this kind of cynical shamelessness that suddenly reveals one's true colors in front of others can give people a special pleasure.Let me tell you an interesting fact: a Parisian official went mad; After that, he was put in a madhouse.Whenever he was in a fit of madness, he thought of a way to amuse himself; he stripped naked at home, like Adam, leaving only a pair of shoes on his feet, and then put on a large cloak , as long as the heels, wrapped tightly around the body, and walked out on the street swaggeringly.Well, from the sidelines—he was a man like everyone else, wearing a baggy cloak, wandering about by himself, having a good time.But as long as he's alone somewhere Meeting a passer-by with no one around, he walks up to him without a word, serious and thoughtful, then stops suddenly in front of him, throws back his cloak, and reveals himself... naked body.this went on for a minute , then he wrapped his cloak again, and without a word, without moving a muscle of his face, he passed the stupefied onlooker, like a ghost in Hamlet.He does this to everyone: to men, to women , to the boy, and that's all his fun.There is something of the same pleasure in giving a Schiller-like character a sudden slap in the face when he does not expect it, and sticking his tongue out at him. 'Back in the face' - this What a wonderful word?I still read this word in a book of your contemporary literature. " "Oh, isn't that a lunatic, but you..." "Haunted by ghosts?" "yes." The Duke laughed. "That's right, my dear," he added with a most shameless expression on his face. "Duke," I said, infuriated by his scoundrel conduct, "you have hated us, including me, and therefore you are taking revenge on me now, for everyone and everything. All this is yours. that tiny self-esteem .You are cruel and cruel, and your mind is too small.We pissed you off, and maybe you were most annoyed that night.It goes without saying that you could have done nothing better than to return me with this complete contempt; you even ignored us The usual courtesy that everyone must observe.You want to make it clear to me that you are not ashamed even of me, that you can tear off your hideous mask so frankly and so unexpectedly, that you are morally base and shameless. shame……" ① This plot originated from the French writer Rousseau. "And why are you telling me that?" he asked, looking at me rudely and viciously. "Shows you have a keen eye?" "Shows that I understand you and publicly declares this to you." "Where are you going, my darling," he went on, changing his tone suddenly again, and adopting his old cheerful, kindly, gossiping tone. "You have diverted my subject and interrupted my train of thought. Cheers, my friend② , let me fill you up.I was just about to tell you about a very wonderful and very interesting adventure.Let me tell you roughly now.Once upon a time, I knew a lady; she was no longer a young girl, but was already twenty-seven or eight years old; What a beautiful woman, what a beautiful chest, what a curvaceous waist, what a beautiful gait!Her gaze was sharp as a hawk's, but ever stern and commanding; her manner was dignified and unattainable.She is known for being icy cold, As cold as a cold day in the first month of the lunar year, her unattainable and daunting words and deeds stunned everyone.It was daunting.In her circle, there is no one who enforces the law as she does, and it is almost impossible to mix a grain of sand. son.She not only punishes fornication, but also punishes even the slightest weakness in other women. She has a high prestige in her circle. the old woman also They all adore her and even flatter her.She was ruthless to everyone, like a medieval abbot.Young women trembled when they met her gaze and heard her grand remarks.one of her opinions, one of her A hint is enough to ruin a person's reputation-she is domineering in society; even men are afraid of her.Later, she joined a mysterious sect that advocated self-cultivation, but this sect was also ascetic and sanctimonious... What was the result?none Sluts can be hornier than this woman, and I'm lucky enough to have her complete confidence.In a word, I was her mysterious and secret lover.Our mating arrangement is very ingenious, it's like an expert, it's perfect, even her family doesn't have one 人会产生一丝一毫的怀疑；只有她的一名非常漂亮的法国待女知道她的所有秘密，但是对这名侍女可以完全放心；因为她也参与其事－－怎样参于法呢？现在且略而不谈。我的这 位太太其淫无比，连德・萨德侯爵③也得拜她为师。但是在这性快感中最强烈和最令人销魂的地方则在于它的神秘性和恬不知耻的假正经。这是对伯爵夫人在上流社会宣扬为崇高 、可望而不可即和牢不可破的一切的公然嘲笑，再加上这是内心里魔鬼的大笑，以及这是有意识地践踏不应践踏的一切－－而且这一切又干得毫无节制，简直到了无法无天的地步 ，甚至连最狂热的想象都不敢望其项背－－这种淫乐的最鲜明的特点也主要在此。是的，她是化身为肉欲的魔鬼，但是这魔鬼却使人神魂颠倒，欲罢不能。甚至现在，我一想起她 都不能不欣喜若狂。在竭尽房事之乐的高潮中，她会突然像疯子似的哈哈大笑，而我懂得，完全懂得这一狂笑意味着什么，于是我也哈哈大笑起来……甚至现在，每念及此，我还 气喘吁吁的，虽然这已是多年前的事了。一年后，她把我甩了，换了个人。即使我想加害于她，也无能为力。试想，谁会相信我的话呢？多厉害的尤物？我的年轻朋友，足下对此 有何高见？ " ①②The original text is French. ③德・萨德（一七四０－－一八一四），法国色情小说家，以描写男女淫乱及性虐待见长。 “呸，真下流！”我厌恶地听完他的这段自白后，答道。 “您要是不这么说，您就不是我的年轻朋友了！我早料到您会说这话的。哈哈哈！且慢，我的朋友①，再多几年经历，您就会明白个中乐趣了，现在您还需要蜜糖饼这种甜甜 蜜蜜而又冠冕堂皇的东西。不，不这样您就不是诗人啦；这女人懂得生活，而且善于享受生活。 " “干吗要过这种猪狗不如的生活呢？” “什么猪狗不如？” “就是这女人，您跟她搞的这一套。” “啊，您把这叫猪狗不如－－这说明您还在让人牵着鼻子走。当然，我承认，独立不羁也会适得其反，但是－－咱们不妨谈简单点，我的朋友②……您自己也会承认，要知道 ，这一切全是扯谈。 " “什么不是扯淡呢？” “不是扯淡的东西－－就是具有七情六欲的人，就是我自己。一切都是为了我，整个世界都是为我创造的。听我说，我的朋友，我还相信，在这世界上还是有好日子过的。这 是一种最好的信仰，因为没有这种信仰，那就连苦日子也过不下去了：只好服毒自杀。据说，有个大笨蛋就是这么干的。他大谈哲理，谈到后来，终于否定了一切，一切，甚至否 定切正常而又自然的人的责任的合理性，最后他终于什么也没剩下；只剩下了个零蛋，于是他便宣布，人生在世最好的东西是氢氰酸③。您会说：那是哈姆雷特，那是一种可怕的 绝望－－一句话，这是一种我们连做梦都从来不会梦见的魁乎其伟的东西。但是您是诗人，而我却是个普通人，所以我要说，凡事都应该用最普通、最实际的观点去看。For example, 我早已经自我解放了，没有任何羁绊，甚至不受任何义务的约束。只有当某事能给我带来好处的时候，我才认为自己责无旁贷。不用说，您对凡事凡物决不会这么看；您的手脚被 捆住了，您的口味是病态的。您追求的是理想，是美德。但是，我的朋友，我倒挺乐意承认您惠予宣示的一切；但是，倘若我十拿九稳地知道，人类一切美德的基础乃是彻头彻尾 的自私自利，我怎么办呢？一件事越高尚，其中自私自利的成分就越多。爱你自己－－这是我承认的唯一准则。人生是一笔交易；不要做冤大头，不要虚掷金钱，但是，当有人为 您做了什么事，倒也不妨略予酬劳，这样做，您也就为他人尽了自己的全部责任－－如果您硬要说什么道德币道德，这就是我的道德，虽然，不瞒您说，依愚见，还是不付给他人 报酬为好，要迫使他人为您白干。我没有理想，也不想有理想；我从来也没有感到有追求理想的必要。人生在世，即使没有理想，也能过得很开心，很美……总之①，我很高兴， 因为我用不着氢氰酸。要是我的品德稍微高尚点，说不定没有它我就不行，就像那个大笨蛋哲学家（这人无疑是德国人）一样。No!人生在世，有那么多美好的东西。我喜欢地位 、高官厚禄、饭店宾馆以及打牌时下很大的赌注（我酷爱打牌）。但是最要紧的还是女人……各种各样的女人；我甚至喜欢偷鸡摸狗，越希奇古怪，越花样翻新越好，因为常常换 口味，甚至还多少得了点脏病……哈哈哈！我望着您这副尊容：现在，您多么鄙视我啊！ " ①②The original text is French. ③一种使人全身中毒的毒剂。人由呼吸道吸入，即产生恶心，呕吐，头痛头晕，呼吸困难，全身痉挛，乃至死亡。 “您说对了，”我答道。 “嗯，就算您说的也有点道理吧，但是，要知道，退一万步说，得脏病总比闻氢氰酸强。不对吗？” “不对，闻氢氨酸也比这强。” “我故意问您：'不对吗'？为的就是要欣赏您的回答；果然不出我之所料。不，我的朋友：如果您当真对人满怀仁爱之心，您就应当希望所有的聪明人都跟我是一样的口味 ，甚至得点脏病也无伤大雅，否则一个聪明人在世上就会觉得活着没意思，结果剩下的全是清一色的傻瓜。这样倒好，他们有福了！殊不知现在就有这么一句谚语：傻瓜有福了， 您知道吗，再没有比跟傻瓜生活在一起，并对他们连声称是，拍手叫好更叫人开心的了！您别以为我重视偏见，墨守成规，追求名利；要知道，我们生活在一个空虚的上流社会， 这，我是看到的；但是周旋其中暂时也还蛮惬意的，因此我对之唯唯诺诺，甚至挺身而出，大力维护它的存在，但是时候一到，我会头一个对它掉头不顾。你们那些新思想我统统 知道，虽然我从来也没追求过这些思想，再说也没必要。我从来也不曾于心有愧过，对任何事都这样。只要我过得好，我什么都同意，像我这样的人多得数不胜数，而且我们也的 确过得很好。世界上的一切都会毁灭，只有我们永远不会消灭。开天辟地以来，我们就存在于这世上。整个世界都可能崩塌，化为乌有，但是我们会沉渣泛起，重新浮到上面来。 顺便说说，您就看看哪怕这一点吧，像我们这样的人生命力多顽强啊。您看，我们的生命力大概顽强得少有少见；您从前可曾对此叹为观止呢？这说明，连造化也庇护我们，嘻嘻 laugh!我一定要活到九十岁。我不爱死，也怕死。因为只有鬼知道您会怎么死！但是这就不必谈它了。那个服毒自杀的哲学家惹得我气不打一处来，如骨鲠在喉，非一吐而后快。Let 劳什子的哲学见鬼去吧！干杯，亲爱的①！记得，开头我们谈漂亮女郎来着……您上哪！ " ①The original text is French. “我要走了，您也该走啦……” “得了，得了！我可以说把我整个的心都掏给您了，而您甚至都没感觉到我的友谊的这一明证。嘻嘻嘻！您少了点爱心，我的诗人。但是等等，我还要来一瓶酒。” “第三瓶？” “第三瓶。关于美德，我的青年弟子（请允许我用这个甜蜜的称呼叫您：谁知道呢，说不定我这些训诫会对您有用的）……总之，我的高徒，关于美德云云，我已经对您说过 了：'一个人品德越高，这人就越自私'②。我想就这个问题给您讲一个非常美妙动人的故事：有一回，我爱上了一个姑娘，几乎是真诚相爱。她甚至为我作了很多牺牲……” “是不是被您弄得倾家荡产的那姑娘？”我粗鲁地问道，再也不想克制了。 公爵打了个寒噤，脸色陡地变了，他两眼布满血丝，紧盯着我；他的目光中有一种莫名其妙和疯狂的表情。 “等等，”他仿佛自言自语地说道，“等等，让我好好想想。我还真醉了，竟琢磨不透……” ①The original text is French. ②这可能是对俄国十九世纪六十年代的启蒙运动者社到罗留波夫和车尔尼雪夫斯基的伦理学说“合理的利己主义”的讽刺性攻击。 他闭上了嘴，探究地、依然恶狠狠地望着我，他的一只手抓住我的手，仿佛怕我逃走似的。我深信，当时，他正在考虑和思索，这事我到底是从哪听来的，这事几乎谁也不知 道呀，在这整个事情中有没有什么危险呢？这样继续了大约一分钟；但是他的脸部表情又陡地变了；他那眼睛里又出现了过去那种嘲弄的、醉意盎然的快活表情。他哈哈大笑起来 . “哈哈哈！塔莱朗①，您不过是塔莱朗罢了。那又怎么样呢，她大言不惭地指责我，说我使她倾家荡产的时候，我还真是蒙受了不白之冤！她大喊大叫，像泼妇骂街似的！这 女人是疯子，而且……爱撒泼。但是，请足下评评理：第一，我根本没有像您刚才所说的那样使她倾家荡产。这钱是她自己白送给我的，因此这钱已经属于我了。嗯，比如说吧， 您把您这件最好的燕尾服送给了我（他说这话时，瞧了一眼我身上穿的那件唯一的和相当蹩脚的燕尾服，这还是三年前一位名叫伊万・斯科尔尼亚金的裁缝做的），我对您很感激 ，穿上了它，突然，过了一年，您跟我吵架了，想把衣服要回去，可我已经把衣服穿旧了。您这样做就不地道了；当初干吗送给我呢？第二，尽管这钱已经属于我，我还是一定会 把钱如数奉还的，但是您替我设身处地想想：我上哪一下子凑到这么大一笔款子呢？而主要是我最讨厌这种哭哭啼啼的席勒作风，我跟您说过－－嗯，这才是我拉下脸来的原因。 您简直没法相信，她怎样在我面前撒泼，一个劲地嚷嚷，说什么她把钱（话又说回来，这钱已经归我了嘛）送给了我。我一下子火了，我突然灵机一动，对事态作出了非常正确的 判断，因为我这人一向冷静；我想到，如果我还她钱，说不定反而会使她不幸。我这样做就会使她完全因为我而享受不到成为一个不幸的人的乐趣，因此她也就享受不到因此而一 辈子诅咒我的乐趣了。请相信，我的朋友，在这类不幸中甚至会使人产生一种极度的陶醉，这可以使她意识到她自己是完全正确的、宽宏大量的，而且有充分权利把那个欺负自己 的人称之为卑鄙小人。不用说，这种因很而产生的陶醉，在席勒笔下经常可以遇到；也许她后来连饭都吃不上了，但是我相信她是幸福的。我不想剥夺她的这一幸福，因此我没有 还她钱。这样一来，也就完全证实了我的一个准则，一个人越舍己为人，喊得越响亮，做得越彻底，也就越自私，越可恶……难道连这点道理您也不明白吗？但是……您却想来挖 苦我，哈哈哈！ ……好啦，您就承认吧，您是不是想挖苦我？噢，塔莱朗！ " ①塔莱朗・夏尔・莫里斯（一七五四-一八三八），法国外交家，以不讲原则和不择手段着称，是一个玩弄阴谋的行家里手。此处意为聪明人和目光锐利的人。 “再见！”我站起身来说道。 “慢！还有两句结束语，”他叫道，突然改变了那可恶的腔调，变得一本正经。“请您听完我的最后结论：从我告诉您的所有这些话里，您应该能够明白，而且清楚地看到（ 我想您自己一定看到了这点），我从来不肯为任何人放弃自己的利益。我爱钱，我需要钱。卡捷琳娜・费奥多罗芙娜有很多钱；她父亲包揽了十年酒税。她有三百万，而这三百万 对我的用处可大了。阿廖沙和卡佳是天造地设的一对儿：这两人都是彻头彻尾的傻瓜；我要的正是这个。因此我一定要让他们的婚事办成功，而且越快越好。再过两三个礼拜，伯 爵夫人和卡佳就要到乡间去消夏，阿廖沙应该陪她们去。请您给娜塔利娅・尼古拉耶芙娜捎个信，不要哭哭啼啼，不要来席勒那一套，不要存心跟我作对。我这人爱记仇，爱玩命 ，我认定的事是不会善罢甘休的。我不怕她：无疑一切都会照我说的去办，因此我现在把丑话说在头里，说到底，我是替她本人着想。您注意了，不要让她干傻事，让她放聪明点 .不然的话，没她的好，而且很不好。我没有照规矩办事，没有将她法办，她应该对我千恩万谢才是。您要知道，我的诗人，法律是保护家庭和睦的，法律是保障父命不可违的， 倘若有人胆敢挑唆子女不去尽他们对父母应尽的神圣义务，法律是不会熟视无睹的。最后，请足下三思，我结交官府，认识很多人，她谁也不认识，而且……难道您还不明白我能 怎么对付她吗？但是我没这么做，因为她至今还算聪明，很识时务。请放心：这半年来，他俩的一举一动，每时每刻都有锐利的眼睛监视着，我对一切，甚至最不起眼的事，都了 如指掌。所以我很放心，我在等阿廖沙自己把她甩了，这事已经露出了苗头；现在我就先让他开开心，消遣消遣。我在他的心目中一如既往，仍旧是慈父，而我也需要他保持这一 idea.Hahaha!我猛地想起，那天晚上，我差点没恭维她，说她没嫁给他是多么宽宏大量，多么大公无私；我倒真想知道，她真要嫁给他到底是怎么个嫁法！至于那天我所以去看 她，完全是因为他俩的关系已经到了结束的时候了。但是我必须去亲眼看看，凭自己的经验亲自验证一番……嗯，您该满意了吧？也许您还想知道，我带您上这儿来究竟要干什么 ?我干吗在您面前装腔作势，无缘无故地向您打开天窗说亮话，其实，要说明这一切，压根儿不必说实话－－不是吗？ " “是的，”我强压住心头的怒火，竖起耳朵听着，我根本无须再回答他的问题。 “仅仅是因为，我的朋友，我发现您比我们那两个小傻瓜更识时务，看问题也更清楚些。您可能早知道我是干什么的了，早就在对我进行揣测和假设，但是我想免得您劳神费 力，因此我决定向您现身说法，让您懂得您现在跟什么人打交道。亲身体验一下是难能可贵的。您要懂得我的用心，我的朋友①。您知道您在跟什么人打交道，因为您爱她，因此 我希望您能施加您的全部影响(您对她毕竟是有影响的)，别让她遇到某些麻烦。要不然的话，实话告诉您，麻烦是少不了的，而且这麻烦非同小可。嗯，您哪，这最后嘛，我向您 直言不讳的第三个原因，那是……（您不是自己也猜到了吗，亲爱的），是啊，我真想对这整个事啐几口唾沫，而且当着您的面啐……” “您的目的达到了，”我气得发抖地说道，“我同意，除了这种恬不知耻的坦率以外，您再也没法在我面前表露您的全部狠毒以及您对我和我们大家的全部轻蔑了。您不仅不 担心您的直言不讳可能在我面前使您名誉扫地，而且您甚至不怕在我面前丢人现眼……您真像那个穿斗篷的疯子。您压根儿不把我当人。 " “您猜对了，我的年轻朋友，”他站起身来说道，“您统统猜对了：您不愧是文学家。我希望我们能和和美美地分手。咱俩要不要喝杯订交酒②呢？” “您醉啦，仅仅因为这样我才没有正儿八经地回答您……” “又是不肯明言的暗示手法－－您没有规规矩矩地回答我，哈哈哈！我作东您又不让。” “甭费心，这帐我自己付。” “嗯，那是没有疑问的。咱俩不是同路吗？” “我不会跟您一道走的。” “再见，我的诗人。我希望您已经懂得我的意思了……” 他走出了门，步态有点踉跄，并没有回过头来看我。下人扶他上了马车。我管自走了。已是凌晨二时许。下着雨，夜，黑黑的…… ①The original text is French. ②西俗；彼此换臂喝酒，从此你我相称，成为朋友。