Chapter 11 Chapter 09

Although I had seen him many times before this moment, I still looked at him carefully; I looked into his eyes, as if they could solve all my confusion, and could explain to me: What is this boy? what to use, how to make How could she be so captivated by such a mad love--a love that would make a man forget his vocation, make her impertinently sacrifice all that she had hitherto considered supreme and most sacred?little duke catch me He held his hands tightly, and his gentle and bright eyes penetrated straight into my heart. I felt that, because he was my rival in love, I would be wrong to jump to conclusions about him on that alone.Yes, I don't like him, and I admit I never will, but I'm probably the only one who knows him

like him.There was much about him that repelled me at first glance, even his elegant appearance, perhaps because it seemed too elegant.I realized later that even on this point, my opinion was unfair.He is chic and handsome , handsome; his oval face is always so pale; a head of golden hair, a pair of big blue eyes, gentle and thoughtful, sometimes suddenly glowing with a kind of splendor, looks very Simple and honest, very lucky and happy .His full, small, bright red lips are very gracefully contoured, and almost always have an air of seeming seriousness; therefore, when a smile suddenly appears on his lips, it is particularly unexpected and lovely; this smile so naive

, so simple and honest, no matter what your mood at the time, you will immediately feel a need to return him with the same smile.He was not very well dressed, but always very elegant; it was evident that he had no Faith in his elegance. No effort, but innate.It is true that there were some bad habits in him, some bad habits that seemed to be elegant: frivolity, self-satisfaction, a presumptuous presumptuousness of politeness.But he is open-minded and honest-hearted, and he is always the first to expose the truth in himself. Bad habits, admitting mistakes, and laughing at yourself that old habits die hard.I think that this big boy will not lie even when joking. Even if he lied, it is likely that he himself has never felt that there is anything wrong with it.Even the most selfish in him

Stuff also feels somehow endearing, and maybe that's why he's outspoken with people instead of hiding it.He has no privacy.He is cowardly, credulous and timid at heart; he has no opinions.Bully him, cheat him, like cheating and Bullying a child makes people feel guilty and unbearable.He was so naive that it didn't match his age, and he knew almost nothing about the world, and then again, even if he lived to be forty, he would probably be muddleheaded and ignorant.this kind People seem to be doomed to never grow up.I don't think anyone would dislike him.He will be affectionate with you like a child.Natasha was right: when he submits to someone's powerful influence, he can do bad things too; but later, when he

Realizing that he was wrong and caused serious consequences, I think he will regret it to death.Natasha felt instinctively that she would be his master; he might even become her victim.She had a foretaste of loving someone she loved The joy of tormenting him and making him feel miserable, maybe it is because she loves him that she can't wait to commit herself to him and become his victim.But there was also love shining in his eyes, and he looked at her with joy.she is proud He glanced at me complacently.At this moment, she forgot everything - her parents, her parting, and her doubts...she was very happy.

"Vanya!" she cried, "I am sorry for him, I am not worthy of his kindness to me. I thought you would not come, Alyosha. Forget my bad thoughts, Vanya .I will find a way to make up for this!" She said infinitely affectionately Looking at him, he added a sentence.He smiled, kissed her hand, but before releasing it, he turned to me and said: "Please don't be offended. I've long wanted to hug you like a real brother; she told me a lot about you! I've only known you so far, and somehow haven't become friends, and... please forgive us both . He added in a low voice, and after he finished speaking, he blushed a little, and at the same time smiled so brightly that I couldn't answer his greeting with joy.

"Yes, yes, Alyosha," continued Natasha, "he is our man, he is our brother, he has forgiven us, and without his help we could not be happy." .I've already told you... well, we're really Cruel boy, Alyosha!But we can live three together... Vanya! she went on, her lips trembling, "go back now, to them; you have a heart of gold, and even if they won't Forgive me, but seeing that even you forgive us, maybe they will soften their hearts to me.You can tell them everything, tell them everything from your own heart; you think about it first, how to say it will move them...

Please protect me, save me; tell them the whole story, tell them exactly what you want to say.I said, Vanya, if I hadn't met you today, maybe I wouldn't have made up my mind!You are my savior; I immediately pinned my hopes on you, and you will surely find a way, at least to put them in the right place when they first hear the dreadful news.Oh my God, God! ...please tell them for me, Vanya, I know , What I do now is unforgivable: even if they forgive, God will not forgive me; but even if they curse me, I will pray for them, and pray for them to God all my life.My whole heart is with them!what

, why can't we all be happy!Why, why! ……God!What on earth have I done! she cried suddenly, as if awakened suddenly, trembling with fear, and covering her face with her hands. Alyosha put his arms around her, He silently pressed her tightly against his chest.Everyone was relatively silent for a few minutes. "You have the nerve to ask her to make such a sacrifice!" I said, looking at him reproachfully. "Please don't be offended!" he repeated what he had said before. "I assure you that all these misfortunes, great as they are now--are only temporary, and pass away in a moment. I am completely sure of that." Be sure. Grit your teeth and get through it

went; she said the same thing to me.You know: the culprit is the so-called face of our two families, these completely unnecessary disputes, and the endless lawsuits! ...but... (I've been thinking about this for a long time, really,) all this must be terminated.We will all be reconciled as before, and then we will be very happy again, so that the old people of the two families will reconcile when they see us like this.Who knows, maybe it's our marriage that will prompt their reconciliation!I Think, it's not even possible not to.What do you say? " "You talked about marriage just now. When will you two get married?" I asked Natasha, looking at her.

"Tomorrow or the day after tomorrow; at least the day after tomorrow for sure. Do you know? I don't really know myself, to tell you the truth, I haven't made any arrangements there. I think maybe Natasha won't be today." Come. Besides, my father today Do take me to my fiancée (you know, I'm being matched; did Natasha tell you? But I don't want to).So I'm not sure about everything.But anyway, we will definitely get married the day after tomorrow.at least i I don't think so, because it won't work otherwise.Tomorrow we will leave here and take Pskov Avenue.There is a village not far from there. In the village, I have an old classmate from a noble school. He is a very nice person; maybe I can introduce you to him know know.There's a priest in the village there, but I asked... But then again, really, it's all a little thing, just get the main thing done.For example, a priest may be invited from some nearby village; What do you say?You know, there must be a village nearby!It's a pity that I haven't had time to write a line there yet; I should say hello first.Maybe my friend isn't home right now...but—it doesn't matter!as long as the master I mean, everything will be solved by then, right?For the time being, let her stay with me first, until tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.I rented a self-contained apartment and lived there when we got back.I'm not going to live with my father anymore, am I? ?You may come to us as a guest; I have arranged it beautifully.My schoolmates will often come to see us; I'm going to have a party..." I looked at him confused and sad.Natasha gestured with her eyes, and begged me not to blame him, but to be lenient.She listened to him, with a sad smile on her face, and at the same time, she seemed to be admiring him, just like appreciating a A lively and lovely child, listening to his ignorant but very cute chatter.I looked at her disapprovingly.I feel sad and can't stand it. "And your father?" I asked. "Are you sure he will forgive you?" "Certainly; what else can he do? In other words, at first he'll curse me; he'll even be sure. That's what he is; he's terribly hard on me. Maybe he'll go to somebody and tell me about it." , in a word, he sure To put on a show of his fatherhood...but you know it's all a show.He loves me dearly; once he loses his temper, he forgives me.So we all reconcile, and we will all be very happy again.So did her father. " "What if he doesn't forgive? Has it ever occurred to you?" "I will definitely forgive, but it won't be soon or maybe. What's the matter? I want to prove to him that I also have character. He always scolds me, saying that I have no character and that I don't use my brain. Now Let him see if I have a brain. A It's not a joke when people start a family; at that time, I will no longer be a child...in other words, I will become a person like everyone...to start a family and to look like a family.I want to work, I want to support myself.nata Since 1848, Shasha has been transformed into an institution of higher learning, specializing in the training of noble youths, who will serve as civil servants after graduation.It's better than all of us being supported by other people, say.You have no idea how many good words she has said to me!If I were me, I would always want I can't find these reasons--I was spoiled and spoiled since I was a child, and the education I received was different.Of course, I also know that I don't like to use my brain, and I can hardly do anything; but, you know, I suddenly had a whim the day before yesterday. I just wanted to talk to you, because Natasha can also drop by, and you can also give us some ideas.It's like this: I want to be like you, write novels and sell them to magazines.You can help me and recommend it to the magazine, okay? I'm counting on you. Yesterday I thought about it all night and conceived a novel. Just like that, as a test pen, you know: maybe I will come up with a very good thing.I picked my subject matter out of a Scribe comedy...but later Let me talk to you in detail, mainly to write novels, and people give money... Didn't they give you money! " ①Christian marriages must be presided over by a priest in a church to be valid and legal. ② Refers to the classmates of noble schools.The school refers to Alexander (Huangcun) Middle School (founded in 18-1) I couldn't help but laugh. "You laugh at me," he said, and I laughed, and he laughed too. "No, listen to me," he added, with a strangely naive air, "don't look at me like that; really, my powers of observation are very, very keen. ; you will see for yourself in the future.Why not try it?Might come up with something... Then again, you're probably right; I don't know anything about real life; Natasha told me the same; Told me; what kind of writer am I?Smile, laugh, and help me to correct; you do it for her, you know, and you love her.I'll tell you the truth: I don't deserve her; I feel this; Sad, I can't figure out why you love me so much?It seems that for her, I have to give my whole life!Really, I was not afraid of anything before this, but now I am afraid: are we going to do something shameful!Oh God !Could it be that when a person is completely devoted to his vocation, does God set his eyes on him and force him to be incompetent and unable to perform his vocation decisively?You are our friend, please help us!we now You are the only friend left now.And what do I know by myself!I am sorry to have so high hopes in you; I think you are a very noble man, much better than I am.But I will turn over a new leaf, don't worry, I must Deserves both of you. " After he finished speaking, he shook my hand again, kind and beautiful feelings flashed in his beautiful eyes.He held out his hand to me so trustingly, so confident that I was his friend! "She'll help me fix it," he went on. "And then, don't think too badly, and don't feel too sorry for us. After all, I still have hope, and hope is great, As for the material aspect, we are fully assured .For example, even if the novel could not be done (to tell the truth, not so long ago, I thought it was stupid to write a novel, and now I only want to get your opinion on this matter)--even if the novel could be done No, at least I can always teach music have fun.Don't you know I understand music?Even if I live by this, I don't think it's shameful.My thinking in this area is completely new.Yes, besides, I have many valuable bric-a-brac and jewels; what for?I can You can sell them, you know, how long we can live by selling these things!In the end, as a last resort, I might really find something to do.My father will only be happy when he finds out; he always urges me to go out and do things, but I always Dodge is in poor health. (Then again, my father has donated an official for me.) Once he sees that marriage has brought me benefits—he must be happy, and he will forgive me..." ① Scribe (169-1861), a French playwright, author of many farces and comedies.Dostoevsky believed that his work was a reflection of French bourgeois ideals and aesthetics. "But, Alexey Petrovitch, have you ever wondered what is going to happen between your lord and her father? What do you think will happen to their house tonight?" After I finished speaking, I pointed to Natasha who was ashamed after hearing my words.I have no compassion for her. "Yes, yes, you are right, it is dreadful!" he replied, "I have thought about it, and it pains me... But what can be done? You are right: if only her parents will Just forgive us! You don't know how much I am love them!They are like my biological parents, but I repay them like this! ... Oh, these quarrels, these endless lawsuits!You can't believe how unhappy we are with this right now!why are they fighting !We all love each other so much, why are we arguing!It's better to get back together, and this matter will be over!Really, if I were them, I would do it... I was terrified when I heard what you said.Natasha, what we both want to do is amazing Scared!I've said this before... You insisted on doing it... But listen to me, Ivan Petrovitch, perhaps it can be remedied; what do you say?They will eventually reconcile!Samurai come to do the work, let them Let's make it up.That's it, it's got to be; they can't keep it when they see us loving each other... Let them curse us, but we still love them; they can't keep it.You can't believe it, my old father's How kind the heart is sometimes!He has a sharp mouth and a tofu heart. In another situation, he is very reasonable.You have no idea how gentle he was when he spoke to me today, when he enlightened me!But today I am against him; How sad.It's all because of these goddam prejudices!It's crazy!If only he could have a good look at her, even for half an hour with her!He will certainly agree to our marriage immediately. ’ said Alyosha, , and glanced at Natasha tenderly and affectionately. "I've imagined a thousand times with joy," he went on, "that he'd be very fond of her, and she'd make them all admire. You know, they didn't I've never seen a girl like this !My father was convinced that she must be a scheming vixen.My duty is to restore her reputation, and I will do it!Ah, Natasha!Big guys will like you, for sure.There's no one who doesn't like you," he cheerfully added One sentence. "Although I am not worthy of you at all, you must love me, Natasha, I must...you know me! There is not much we need for our happiness! No, I believe, I I believe tonight will bring us all Happiness, peace and serenity.May you be happy tonight!Isn't that right, Natasha?But what's the matter with you?my god what's the matter with you " Her face was ashen.She had been watching Alyosha intently while he was talking, but her eyes were growing cloudier, more fixed, and paler.I think, in the end, she It is no longer listening, but in a coma.Alyosha's exclamation seemed to wake her up suddenly.After she woke up, she looked around in a panic, and suddenly - ran to my side.She was in a hurry, as if in a hurry, and as if avoiding Alyosha. , took out a letter from his pocket and handed it to me.This letter is addressed to the two Gaotangs, and it was written the night before.When she handed me the letter, she looked at me intently, as if her eyes had been locked on mine.This look is absolute see.I will never forget the terrible look in her eyes at this moment.I, too, felt a pang of terror; I saw that she was only now fully feeling the terrible consequences of her actions.She tried to say something to me; she even opened her mouth, but suddenly fainted. passed.I hurried forward to help her.Alyosha turned pale with fright; he rubbed her temples, kissed her hands and lips.It took about two minutes before she woke up.Not far away was a cab, in which Alyosha was riding. The carriage is coming; he beckons for the carriage to come.Natasha grabbed my hand like a madman as she got into the car, and a hot tear rolled down and burned my fingers.The carriage moved on.I watched her off and stood there for a long time.all my happiness is here One minute was destroyed, and my life was cut in two with it.I felt this painfully... I slowly started back, followed the same path, and returned to the two old people.I don't know what to say to them, how to see them after I go in?I My mind is numb, and my legs are weak... Such is the whole history of my happiness; so ends and ends my love story.I will now resume the story where I left off.