Chapter 19 Chapter Nineteen

Pierre's current mood is similar to the situation when he proposed to Helen, but his mood is completely different. He never wanted to repeat what he had said to Helen with a morbid sense of shame; ?” Instead, he now repeats every word she said and every word he said, neither adding a word nor subtracting a word, reviewing it in detail in his mind like a movie. Her expression and her smile, all he could think about now was to keep repeating.There was not even a shred of doubt about whether what he was doing was good or bad.Only a cloud of terrible doubts flitted through my mind from time to time.Could all this be a dream?Princess Mary is not mistaken, is she?Am I too conceited, or too confident?I'm sure; but suddenly it might happen: Princess Marya told her, and she would have smiled and answered her: "How strange! He probably made a mistake. Doesn't he know?" What kind of man is he himself, an ordinary man! But what about me? . . . I am quite different, I am a different kind of man, a noble man."

-------- ① French: I love you. Only this cloud of suspicion often flitted through his mind, and he hadn't made any plans yet.He seemed to feel that the happiness in front of him was so inconceivable, however, as long as he could get it, nothing would happen to him in the future, and everything would come to an end. A joyful and unexpected madness reigned over Pierre, which he had not thought himself to possess before.The whole meaning of life is not only for him alone, but for the whole world. He thinks that it lies in his love, whether she can love him or not. Sometimes, he feels that all people are busy with only one thing. The job-is to be busy for their future happiness.Sometimes he felt that everyone was as happy as he was, only that they tried to hide it, pretending that their interests were in other ways.He regards every word and action of people as a hint to his happiness.He often surprised those who met him with his meaningful self-happy gaze and smile (as if there was a tacit understanding between them).But when he realized that his happiness might not be known to them, he felt very sorry for them, and tried to explain to them that all that they were busy with was nothing but a trifle of insignificance and insignificance. .

When it was suggested that he should come out and do something, or when some public and national business and war were discussed; when it was thought that one way or another the outcome of some event would determine the happiness of all, he always spoke with a gentle manner. He listened with a small, sympathetic smile, and surprised those with whom he spoke with strange remarks.It seemed to Pierre that those who understood the true meaning of life, that is, understood his feelings, and those who apparently did not understand it—everyone at this period seemed to him to be The radiance of his feelings shone through him, and he saw at once and effortlessly everything good and lovable in whomever he met.

When he was dealing with his deceased wife's affairs and some documents, apart from regretting that she would never know the happiness he knew now, he didn't even have the slightest nostalgia for his deceased wife.Prince Vasili, who was now very proud of having taken a new office and several decorations, was, in Pierre's eyes, nothing more than a touching, kind, poor old man. Pierre later often recalled the frenzy of happiness during this period.He believes that all opinions about people and the environment formed during this period of time are always correct.Not only did he not abandon these views of people and things later on, but on the contrary, whenever some doubts and contradictions arose in him, he always resorted to the views formed during that period of enthusiasm. And this view has always been proven correct.

"Perhaps," thought he, "I did appear a little strange and eccentric then; however, I was not so fanatical as I appear to be. On the contrary, I was wiser and more able than ever before. See everything clearly, as long as it is worth knowing in life, I understand it all, because... I was happy at that time." Pierre's mania consisted in the fact that, unlike in the past, when he had to love his loved ones only when he found in them what he called the best qualities of human beings, now his heart was full of love, and he In loving people for no reason, he always finds an indisputable reason why he should love them.