Chapter 35 Chapter 20 (Part 1)

Rainer was sitting at his desk in Bonn, drinking a cup of morning coffee. He had learned of de Bricassart's death from the newspapers.The political storm of the preceding weeks had finally subsided, so he could sit back and read the papers in the hope that he would soon see Justine to change his mood; It didn't alarm him in the slightest.He thought the situation was typical, and she was far from ready to accept an obligation to him. But the news of the cardinal's death drives all thoughts of Justine away. 10 minutes later.He was already behind the wheel of a Mosdis 280SL, driving onto the highway.Poor old Vittorio will be alone, and his burdens are heavy in the best of times.The car picked up speed; by this time he was loitering, waiting for the flight to arrive at the airport to go to the Vatican.It was something he did with confidence, something he could control himself, and for someone like her, there was always something big and something to think about.

From the mouth of Cardinal Vittorio, he learned the whole story.At first, he was also very surprised, wondering why Justine didn't think of contacting him. "He came to me and asked me if I knew Dane was his son?" said the gentle voice as a gentle hand smoothed Natasha's blue-gray back. "What did you say?" "I said I guessed it. I couldn't tell him much. But, oh, his face! His face! I cried." "Of course, it hurt him. The last time I saw him, I thought he was not in good health, but he dismissed my suggestion to ask him to see a doctor."

"It was God's will. I think Ralph de Brissard was one of the most distressing men I ever knew. In death he would find what he couldn't find in this life peaceful." "The boy, Vittorio! What a tragedy." "Do you think so? I'd rather think it a good thing. I don't believe Dane thought death meant anything but welcome it. If our dear Lord can't wait any longer, can't wait It shouldn't come as a surprise that Dane was called to his side. I grieve, yes, but not for the boy, but for his mother, who must have suffered! I grieve for his sister, for his uncle, for his maternal grandfather. Father O'Neill lived in almost total purity of mind and spirit. Why wasn't death an entry to life for him? To us For others, the path is not so easy."

In a telex from his own embassy to London, Rainer did not allow himself to show his anger, heartbreak, and disappointment.The telegram simply read: "Must go back to Bonn but will go to London for the weekend. Why do you doubt my love and not tell me Rennes." On the desk in his Bonn office lay an express letter from Justine and a registered envelope, which his secretary told him was from Cardinal de Bricassart's lawyer in Rome. , He opened the envelope first, and learned that under the terms of Ralph de Bricassart's will, a new name had been added to the already huge list of directors.There's Michal & Co. and Drogheda in there.Agitated, yet curious, he understood that it was the cardinal showing him that in the final weighing he had found nothing to regret, that the prayers made during the war had borne fruit.He had placed the future interests of Meggie O'Neill and her family in Rainer's hands.Anyway, Rainer understood it this way, because the wording of the cardinal's will did not refer to anyone in particular.Could not venture to explain it otherwise.

He tossed the envelope into the immediate, general unclassified mail basket and opened Justine's letter, which began badly and lacked any polite titles. Thank you for your telex.You can't imagine how happy I am that we haven't been in touch for the last two or three weeks, because I hate having you around.All this time, when I think of you, what has been on my mind, thank goodness you don't know, you may find it difficult to understand, but I don't want you around me.There is nothing lovely in grief, Rain, nor can my pain be relieved by your witnessing it.Indeed, you will say, this proves how indifferent my love for you is.If I had loved you, I would have turned to you instinctively, hadn't I?However, I found myself turning around and walking away.

So I'd rather we put it back together once and for all, Rain, I have nothing for you, and I don't want anything from you.What this incident taught me is how much people mean to you if they've been around you for 26 years.I can't bear to go through something like this again.Do you remember what you said?It's either marriage or nothing.Oh, I choose to give up everything. My mother told me that the old cardinal died a few hours after I left Drogheda.really interesting.Ma was very sorry for his death.Not that she said anything, but I knew her.Why she and Dane and you like him so much puzzles me forever.I never liked him.I think his rhetoric is too flattering, an opinion I'm not going to change, just because he's dead.

That's it.Everything is written here.I mean what I say, Ryan.All I choose from you is rest.Take care of yourself. She signed it as usual, "Justine" boldly in bold black, and signed it with a new fiber-filled fountain pen.When he gave this pen to her.She had squealed with delight, and the thick, black thing had pleased her immensely. He didn't fold it up, put it in his wallet or burn it; he dealt with it like all the mail that didn't need an answer -- a scrap telegram that was thrown into the wastebasket as soon as it was read. in draft.Dane's death, he thought, had in effect killed Justine's aroused passion, and made her feel terribly unfortunate.It's not fair that he has waited so long.

He still flew to London for the weekend, but not to see her.Although he saw her.He had seen her on the stage, playing Desdemona, the venerable wife of the Moor.It was terrible.Whatever he couldn't do for her, the stage could do for her.That is my good girl!She poured all her emotions into the stage. ① Refers to Othello. -- Annotation She could only pour out her emotions on the stage because she was too young to play Hecuba.The stage literally provides a place for silence and oblivion.She could just tell herself that time heals all wounds -- and not believe it.She asked herself why it hurt her feelings so constantly.While Dane was alive, she didn't really think much about it except when she was with him.After he was an adult, their time together was limited, and their careers were almost opposites.But his death had left such a gap that she was desperate to fill it.

① In Greek mythology, the daughter of Demas, king of Fozingia, and the second wife of Priam, king of Muluoya.Here, Justine is referred to as Rainer's second wife. -- Annotation She changed her mind on impulse and did not go to Greece.This blow was what hurt her most.Because she thought of it so often, her grief was lingering for a long time.If only the circumstances of his death weren't so dire.She would probably recover quickly, but the events of those days remained in her mind like a nightmare, and she could not bear to lose Dane; To the unbelievable fact that Dane is dead and Dane will never come back.

She then thought she was guilty of not helping him adequately.Everyone but her thought he was perfect, without the troubles that other men had.But Justine knew that he had been plagued by doubts, that he had suffered from his own inadequacy, that he had been bewildered that people couldn't see his face and what was beyond his body.Poor Dane, he doesn't understand that people love him, the good thing that loves him, and now it's horrible to think it's too late to help him. She also grieves for her mother.If his death had made herself like this, what would her mother do?The thought made her cry out from her own memory and consciousness.And that picture of my uncles at his ordination in Rome, their chests proudly sticking out like doves with protruding breasts.This thing was the worst of all, it made the emptiness of her mother and the Droghedas vividly visible.

Be honest, Justine.Is this honesty the worst thing that can happen?Is there nothing more disturbing?She couldn't shake the thought of Rain, or the feeling that she had betrayed Dane.In order to fulfill her wish, she let Dane go to Greece alone. If she went with him, it might mean that he could survive.There is no other way to explain this.Because of her selfish focus on Rain, Dane died.It was too late to bring her brother back from the dead, but if Rain was never seen again.She can atone for certain sins.The price to pay for this is the grind of longing and loneliness. So weeks passed, and then months passed.One year, two years.Desdemona, Ophelia, Portia, Cleopatra.She is very satisfied with her starting point. From the outside, it seems that nothing devastating has happened in her personal life at all. She is very cautious about her every move and smile, and her dealings with people are quite normal.If anything, she was kinder than before, for people's misfortunes moved her as much as they did hers.But, as has been said, outwardly she was just the same Justine--flirtatious, energetic, haughty, detached, sarcastic. ①The heroine in Shakespeare's play "Hamlet". -- Annotation ②The heroine in Shakespeare's plays. -- Annotation ③The heroine in Shakespeare's play "Antony and Cleopatra". -- Annotation Twice she tried to go back home to Drogheda for a visit, and even bought a plane ticket the second time.But every time there was an impromptu, all-important reason why she couldn't go.But she knew in her heart that the real reason was a mixed feeling of guilt and cowardice.She just couldn't bear the tension of facing her mother; to do so would have meant the whole regrettable thing resurfaced, possibly in a storm of an injury she'd managed so far to avoid.The people of Drogheda, especially her mother, must have been reassured by the certainty that Justine was somehow safe and survived relatively unscathed.So, it's best to stay away from Drogheda.This is much better. Meggie stifled a long sigh and suppressed it.If her bones hadn't hurt so much, she might have saddled up and rode; but today the mere thought of riding hurts.Let's wait until her arthritis is not only as bad as it is now. She heard a car approaching, someone tapped lightly on the brass wool knocker on the front door, heard muffled voices, her mother's voice and footsteps.Not Justine, so what does it matter? "Meggie," Fee said at the entrance to the verandah. "There is a visitor. Can you come?" The visitor was a man of noble appearance who had just reached middle age.Though he might be younger than he looked, he was nothing like any man she had ever seen, except he had the ability and confidence that Ralph had once had.Owned it back then.But Ralph was gone. "Meggie, this is Mr Rainer Hasson," said Fee, standing beside her chair. "Oh!" Meggie exclaimed involuntarily, amazed at Ryan's appearance, the burly man in Justine's past letters.Then she remembered her manners. "Sit down, Mr. Hasson." He, too, looked straight at it, in astonishment. "You're nothing like Justine!" he said, rather dazedly. "No, not like." She sat down facing him. "I'll leave you alone with Mr. Hasson, who said he wanted to see you alone. Just ring the bell when you want tea," said Fee, and retreated. "Of course, you're Justine's German friend," said Meggie, bewildered. He took out his cigarette case. "is it okay?" "Please help yourself." "Would you like one, Mrs. O'Neill?" "Thanks, no. I don't smoke." She smoothed her dress. "You've come a long way from Germany, Mr Hasson. Are you busy in Australia?" He smiled, wondering what she would say once she found out that he was actually the master of Drogheda.But he wasn't going to tell her that he would rather all Droghedas think their interests were in the hands of the completely impersonal gentleman he had hired to act as an intermediary. "Sorry O'Neil Daqing, my name is Rainer," he said, pronouncing the name the way Justine pronounced it, while thinking humorously that this woman won't be called Of the name: She's not one to flaunt herself in front of strangers. "No, I don't have any official business in Australia, but I do have a good reason for coming. I want to see you." "See me?" she asked in surprise.Fortunately, in order to cover up the sudden panic, she immediately talked about another topic that was more secure. "My brother used to talk about you. You were so nice to them when they were in Rome for Dane's ordination." She said Dane's name without pathos, as if she used to say it. of. "I want you to stay a few days and see them." "Yes, Mrs. O'Neill." He replied without embarrassment. For Meggie, the meeting proved unexpectedly awkward.He was a stranger who claimed he had traveled 12,000 miles just to see her, and he was clearly in no hurry to explain why.She felt that she would eventually like him.But she found him a little aggressive.Perhaps, she had never seen him before, and that was why he gave her a little panic.At this time, a very novel idea flashed through her mind: her daughter was actually very easy to get along with people like Rainer Mollin Hasson!At last she thought of Justine as a companion. He thought, as she sat looking politely at him, that, in spite of her age and hair, she was still very pretty, just as Dane reminded one so strongly of a cardinal, and he Still surprised that she didn't look like Justine in the slightest.She must be lonely!Yet he felt in her not the sadness that Justine had; she had resigned herself to her fate. "How's Justine?" she asked. He shrugged. "I'm afraid I don't know. I haven't seen her since before Dane died." She didn't look surprised. "I haven't seen her since Dane's funeral," she said with a sigh. "I hope she'll come home, but it looks like she's never coming back." He made a comforting sound, which she did not seem to hear, for she continued, but in a different voice, speaking less to him than to herself. "Over the years, Drogheda seems to have become a home for older people," she said. "We need young blood relatives, and Justine is the only young blood relative left." Pity moved him, and he leaned forward quickly, his eyes shining. "You speak of her as if she were a chattel," he said, his voice not harsh now. "I remind you, O'Neil Taiqing, she is not!" "What right do you have to decide what Justine is, or isn't?" she asked angrily. "After all, you said it yourself, you haven't seen Dane since before she died, and that was two years ago!" "Yes, you're quite right. That was exactly two years ago." He said more gently, realizing again what her life was like. "You got through it, Mrs. O'Neill." "Me?" she asked, trying to smile unnaturally, her eyes never leaving him. All of a sudden, he began to understand that the cardinal must have taken a fancy to her to love her so much.There was nothing like that in Justine.But then again.Nor was he Cardinal Ralph; he was looking for something different. "Yes, you totally took it," he repeated. She caught the implication right away and flinched. "How do you know about Dane and Ralph?" she asked uneasily. "I guessed it. Don't worry, Mrs. O'Neill, no one else knows. I guessed it because I knew the Cardinal long before I knew Dane. In Rome, everyone thinks the Cardinal is yours." Brother, Dane is his nephew. But, the first time I met Justine, he broke it." "Justine? It can't be Justine!" Meggie yelled. He reached out and took hold of her hand that was beating her knee wildly with excitement. "No, no, no, Mrs. O'Neill! Justine didn't realize it at all, and I hope she never does! Believe me; she slipped in by accident." "Are you sure?" "Yes, I swear." "So tell me in God's name, why doesn't she come home? Why doesn't she want to see me? Why doesn't she want to see my face?" Not just her words, but the anguish in her voice showed him what torture Justine's two years of absence had been to her mother.His own affairs had diminished in importance, and now he had a new task, alleviating Meggie's fears. "I'm to blame for that," he said firmly. "Justine was going to go to Greece with Dane; she was sure that if she had gone with him, he would still be alive now." "Nonsense!" said Meggie. "Exactly. Even though we know it's bullshit, Justine doesn't think so. It's up to you to make her understand that." "Me? You don't understand, Mr. Hasson. Justine hasn't heard a word from me all her life. At this stage, the influence I may have had is completely gone. She doesn't even want to look me in the face." ." Her voice was despondent, but not sad. "I feel like I fell into the same trap as my mother," she continued flatly. "Drogheda is my life... this house, these books... I'm needed here, there's still some purpose in life. People here trust me. You know, my kids never trust me, never." "That's not true, Mrs. O'Neill. If it were, Justine would have come home to you in peace of mind. You underestimate the nature of her love for you. When I say I'm responsible, it's because Justine stayed in London for my sake. But you think she's suffering for you, not me." Meggie straightened up. "She has no right to suffer for me. If she must suffer, let her suffer for herself, but not for me. Never for me!" "So you believed me when I said she wasn't thinking about Dane and the Cardinal at all?" Her demeanor changed, as if she remembered that there were other life-or-death matters and she ignored them. "Yes," she said. "I believe you." "I came to see you because Justine needed your help, and she couldn't ask for it," he said. "You have to convince her that she needs to confront the threats in her life again—not Drogheda's life, but her own life, which has nothing to do with Drogheda." He leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, and lit another cigarette. "Justine has put on the ascetic's horsehair shirt, but for the wrong reasons. If anyone can make her understand it, it is you. I warn you, however, that if you If she chooses to do this, she may never come back here." "The stage isn't enough for someone like Justine," he continued. "When she realizes that, the day comes when she'll have a choice between people—either her family and Drogheda, or me." He spoke with deep empathy. smiling at her. "However, ordinary people can't satisfy Justine, Mrs. O'Neill. If Justine chooses me, she can still perform on stage, which is a benefit that Drogheda cannot give her." At this time, he looked firmly at the She is like looking at an opponent. "I've come to ask you to make sure she chooses me. It may seem cruel to say this, but I need her more than you might need her." The stiff look returned to Meggie. "Drogheda wasn't such a bad choice," she retorted. "Hearing you put it that way, it's like life here is going to die, but you know, it's not like that at all, and she can stay on stage. Even if she's married to Bowie King--as all these years His grandfather was as I hoped - her children would be well cared for in his absence as well as the children of her marrying you. This is her home! She knows and understands this kind of life .If she chooses this life, she must know very well what it means, and can you say that the life you offer her has the same things?" "No," he said flatly. "But Justine is so curious, she'll be lonely on Drogheda." "You mean she wouldn't be happy here." "No, not quite. I don't doubt that if she chooses to come back here and marry this Boy King—by the way, who is this Boy King?" "Heir of the neighboring estate Bugira, an old childhood friend who would be more than a friend. His grandfather wished the marriage for the inheritance's sake; I wished the marriage because I thought it was Juss Ting needs." "I see. Well, if she comes back here and marries Boy Kim, she'll be happy. But happiness is a relative state. I don't believe she thinks Boy Kim I'm all right. Because, Mrs. O'Neill, Justine loves me, not Boy King." "Then her way of showing this kind of love is very strange," said Meggie, pulling the bell for tea. "Besides, Mr. Hasson, as I said, I think you overestimate my influence on her. She doesn't care what I say, let alone need my influence." "You can fool no one," he replied. "You know that a man can influence him, if you will. I ask you nothing but to consider what I say. You may take your time and take it easy. I am a patient man." Meggie smiled. "Then you are a rarity," she said. He didn't bring up the subject again, and neither did she.During his week-long stay, he behaved like any other guest, although Meggie felt that he was trying to show her what kind of man he was.Her brothers' affection for him was obvious; as soon as word of his arrival reached the ranch they all returned and stayed until his return to Germany. Fee liked him, too; her eyes were too bad to manage the books, but she was far from old and feeble.Last winter Mrs. Smith died in her peaceful sleep.Rather than trouble Minnie and Kate with one of the new housekeepers--both old and hale-hearted--it would be better to leave all the books to Meggie, who herself more or less filled in for Mrs. Smith. s position.No one in Drogheda understood the part of Rayner's life with Dane; it was Fee who saw it first, so she asked him to tell him about it.He gladly obliged, noting quickly that the people of Drogheda were willing to hear him talk about Dane, and took great pleasure in the novelty. Even though Meggie was outwardly courteous, she couldn't escape what Ray had said to her, and the choices he had offered her stuck with her.She'd given up on Justine's return long ago, and she was just trying to force him to admit that Justine would be happy if she did come back.And she was very grateful to him for one other thing: that he dispelled Justine's inexplicable fear that she had discovered the relationship between Dane and Ralph. As for her marriage to Ryan, Meggie didn't know what she was supposed to do to push Justine where she clearly didn't want to go.Maybe she didn't want to know?She liked Ryan very much at last, but his happiness could not be as important to her as her daughter's interests, the people of Drogheda, and Drogheda itself.The crucial question is: How important is Wren to Justine's future happiness?Even though he thought Justine loved him, Meggie couldn't recall her daughter saying anything that would indicate that Ryan meant to her as much as Ralph did to Meggie. "I think you'll see Justine sooner or later," she said to Meggie as he drove Ryan to the airport. "When you see her, I hope you don't mention this visit to Drogheda." "If you will," he said. "I just ask you to consider what I've said, and to take your time." But even after he made his request, he couldn't help feeling that Meggie got more out of his visit than he did, By the time mid-March came around, it had been two and a half years since Dane had died.Justine felt an overriding desire not to see the rows of tall buildings and the sluggish crowds.On this fine spring day, sunny and sunny, metropolitan London was suddenly unbearable.So she took the suburban train to the National Botanical Garden.Satisfyingly, it was a Tuesday and she could be in a place where she was alone.She had no work that night either, so it didn't matter if she got tired from walking the trails. Of course, she is very familiar with this park.London and its many flower beds are a delight to any Droghedan, but the National Botanic Gardens are in a class all their own.Earlier, from the end of March to October, this was the place she often visited, and every month there were different flora competing for beauty. Her favorite time is mid-March, a time when daffodils, rhododendrons, and trees of all kinds are in full bloom.There was a place she thought could be one of the loveliest little private retreats in the world.There she could sit on the wet ground, the only spectator, feasting on its beauty.As far as the eye can see, there is a stretch of daffodils, and a little closer, the dense bell-shaped yellow flowers fluttering in the wind on the trunk of a large apricot tree in full bloom are nodding slightly, while on the branches It was full of white flowers, and the branches were heavily bent; flawless and motionless, it was like a Japanese painting.Everything was silent.It is intolerable if someone passes by. Then her mind was drawn back from the incomparable beauty of the blossoming apricot tree in the sea of ​​yellow flowers; something far less beautiful came into view.None other than Rainer Mohring Hasson walked cautiously through the daffodil bushes, his ever-present German leather coat protecting his fat body in the cool breeze, the sun shining Glittering in his silvery white hair. "You'll chill your kidneys," he said, taking off his coat and unfolding it, lining up, on the floor so they could sit on it. "How do you know I'm here?" she asked, twisting and sitting on the hem of her brown satin dress. "Mrs. Kelly told me you were at the National Arboretum. The rest is easy. I just have to go till I find you." "I suppose you thought I should be happy to come back to you. Huh, huh?" "Are you so happy to come back to me?" "Still the same Ryan, answering a question with a question, no, I'm not happy to see you. I think I'd like to find a way to keep you crawling slowly on a hollow log forever." "It's hard for a good man to crawl forever on a hollow hon. How are you?" "very good!" "Have you licked your wounds enough?" "No" "Well, I guess that's to be expected. But I'm beginning to realize that once you leave me, you never let go of your pride and take the first step toward reconciliation. Yet, my dear girl, I'm very Smart, understand that pride can make a bedmate very lonely." "Don't try to kick things off to make room for yourself, Rain, because I'm warning you, I'm not going to give you a chance." "I don't want any chance from you right now." His blunt answer irritated her, but she relented and said, "Honestly?" "If I'm not telling the truth, do you think I can tolerate you leaving me for so long? After you leave me, you are like a moon in the water, a flower in the mirror; but, I still think you are a good friend, losing you Like losing a close friend." "Oh, Ryan, me too!" "Fine. So, admit I'm a friend?" "certainly." He lay on his back on his coat, put his hands behind his head, and smiled idly at her. "How old are you, 30? You look like an ugly schoolgirl in that dishonorable outfit. Justine, if you don't need me in your life for any other reason, of course you're going to do your personal demeanor Arbiter Luo." She laughed. "I admit, I did pay a little more attention to my appearance when I thought you might pop out of nowhere. But if I'm thirty, you have nothing to brag about, you At least 40 too. Doesn't seem like that much of a difference now, does it? You've lost weight. How are you, Rain?" "I'm not fat at all, but I have a big frame, so whenever I sit at the desk, I have to shrink my body, which prevents me from stretching my body." She slid down, turned around, lay on her belly, and brought her face close to his, smiling. "Oh, Ray, it's great to meet you! No one else can offer me a way to spend my money." "Poor Justine! You've gained a lot over the years, haven't you?" "Money?" She nodded. "Strange, the Cardinal may have bequeathed me all his fortune. Oh, half to me and half to Dane, but of course I am Dane's sole heir." Her face twisted involuntarily for a moment.She turned her head away, pretending to be looking at a daffodil in the sea of ​​flowers, until she could control her voice. "You know, Wren, I'd pay the price of losing my canine to learn what the cardinal's relationship to our family is. A friend, just that? More than that, in some mystical sense. But I just don't know what it is. I wish I knew." "No, you won't know." He stood up, holding out a hand. "Hey girl, where do you think people can see that the rift between a red-haired Australian actress and some member of the German cabinet has healed, I'll treat you to a meal. Since you ditched me , my playboy reputation has died down." "You're not going to get the fame, my friend. They don't call me a redheaded Australian actress anymore - over the years I've become a popular, stunningly beautiful, blond-haired British actress." , and thanks to my promiscuous Cleopatra. You're not going to tell me you don't know that the critics have called me the most foreign Cleopatra in years?" She raised her arms and hands in a hieroglyphic gesture. ① Abbreviation for Chrisanpetra. -- Annotation His eyes were shining. "Exotic?" he asked suspiciously. "Yes, exotic," she said firmly. Cardinal Vittorio was dead, so Wren was not visiting Rome so often now.Instead, he often comes to London.起初，朱丝婷很高兴，她没有看到他有任何超出友谊关系的表示，但是，几个月过去之后，他的言词顾盼之间根本没有任何涉及他们以前的那种关系的意思，而她那并不厉害的愤慨便变成了某种不安。这并不是她想要恢复另一种关系，她不断地对自己说，她已经完全结束了那一类事情，不需要，也不再想要它了。她不允许她的头脑中总盘旋着雷恩的形象，因此，她成功地压下了这件事，只是在身不由己的梦中才想起它来。 戴恩死后的最初几个月是非常可怕的，她抵御着去找雷恩的渴望，和希望他在肉体和精神上都和她在一起的感觉。她非常清楚，只要她让他这样的话，他是会这样的。但是，她不能允许他的面孔遮住戴恩的面孔。让他离开是正确的，经过斗争忘却想要找他的最后一闪的愿望是正确的。随着时间的流逝，似乎他将永远留在她的生活之外了，她的身体陷入了无法唤醒的麻木之中，她的思想被束缚起来，忘却了过去。 但是，雷恩现在回来了，事情变得非常难办了。她渴望问问他，他是否还记得另一种关系--他怎么能忘掉呢？当然，对她自己来说，她已经结束了这种事情，但是，得知他并没有忘记这些事是令人高兴的；这当然就证明了，在这些事上他迷上了朱丝婷，只迷上了朱丝婷。 想入非非的白日梦。雷恩不是那种在不需要的爱情上中耗自己的精神和肉体的人，他从没有表示过重新开始他们生活中的那一方面的丝毫愿望。他希望她做一个朋友，像一个朋友那样欣赏她。great!这也是她的愿望。只是……他能够忘记吗？不，这是不可能的--但是，如果他已经忘记了，那他可真该死！ 那天晚上，朱丝婷的思想走得如此之远，以至她扮演的麦克白夫人①和往日和表演大不一样，具有一种引人注目的残酷，此后，她睡得不太好、第二天早晨便接到了一封她母亲寄来的信，这封信使她心中充满了一种隐约的不安。 ①莎士比亚剧《麦克白》中的女主人公。 -- Annotation 妈妈现在不常写信了，这是她们俩长期离别的一种现象，凡是往来的信件都是呆板而贫乏的，但这封信不一样，信中带着一种老年人的淡淡的艾怨，一种隐隐的厌倦，这种厌倦之情像冰山一样潜藏在表面十分空洞的一两个词中。朱丝婷不喜欢这封信。老了。妈妈老了！ 德罗海达出了什么事？妈是否在遮盖着什么严重的麻烦？是姥姥病了？是某个舅舅病了？但愿没有此事，是妈自己病了？又从她最后一次看到他们，已经是三个寒暑了，在这此年中会发生许多事情的。尽管朱丝婷·奥尼尔没有出什么事，她不应该因为自己的生活是停滞而又枯燥的，就认为其他人的生活也是如此。 那天晚上是朱丝婷"完事"的一夜，只有一次《麦克白》的演出了，白天过得慢吞吞的，叫人大法忍受，甚至连想到和雷恩吃饭也没有像往常那样带来预期的快乐。她一边匆忙穿着那件恰好是他最讨厌的橙黄色的衣服一边对自己说，这种友谊是毫无用处的、无益的、寂如死水的、保守的老古板！在是雷恩不喜欢她这种样子的话，他也得忍着点儿。随后，她把围在她那清瘦的胸脯上的紧身围腰的饰边松开，眼睛往镜子里看了看，沮丧地笑了起来。哦，简直是茶杯里的风暴！她的行动正像她所看不起的那种女人。也许事情是很简单的，她疲惫不堪了，她需要一次休息。谢天谢地，麦克白夫人的演出结束了！可是妈妈怎么了？ 近来，雷恩在伦敦度过的时间愈来愈多，朱丝婷对他轻而易举地在波恩和伦敦频繁往来感到十分惊异。毋庸置疑，一定有一架私人飞机帮忙，不过，这样一定使人非常疲劳。 "你为什么要这么经常地来看我？"她蓦地问道。"欧洲的每一个传布流言蜚语的专栏作家都认为这是件大事，坦白地说，我有时很疑惑，你不是利用我作为访问伦敦的一个借口吧。" "确实，我时常利用你作挡箭牌，"他镇静地承认道。"事实上，你已经是某些人的眼中钉了。不过，这对你没有什么伤害，因为我愿意和你呆在一起。"他那双黑眼睛若有所思地停地她的脸上。"你今天晚上很沉默，好姑娘，有什么事叫你发愁吗？" "没有，真的没有。"她玩弄着自己的那份甜点心，一口没吃地推到一边去了。"至少，只有一件愚蠢的小事。妈和我现在不是每个星期都通信--有很长时间了，因为我们都互相看出我们没有任何可谈的--可是，今天我接到了她的一封很奇怪的信。根本不是那种象征性的信。" 他的心头一沉；梅吉确实从从容容地考虑了这件事，但是，本能告诉他，这是她的行动的开端，但不是他所喜欢的那种行动。梅吉开始耍弄她的女儿弄回德罗海达，以使那个王朝传之久远的把戏了。 他从桌子上伸出胳臂抓住了朱丝婷的手；他想，尽管她穿着那套糟糕透顶的衣服，但是，她更显出一种成熟的美。瘦小的身条开始使她那山雀般的脸带上了端庄的神态，这正是那张脸极其需要的，并且使她隐约显出了一种绰约的风姿。但是，她这种表面的成熟究竟有多深？朱丝婷的全部麻烦正在于此；她甚至连看一看这种麻烦的要求都没有。 雷纳坐在波恩的写字台旁，喝着一杯早咖啡，他是从报纸上得悉德·布里克萨特逝世的消息的。前几个星期的政治风暴终于平息下来了，因此，他可以安然坐下来，带着不久就能见到朱丝婷以改变他的心境的期望看看报纸了；她最近一个时期的杳无音信丝毫没有使他感到惊慌。他认为这种情况是有代表性的，她还远没有准备接受对他承担义务。 但是，红衣主教逝世的消息把所有关于朱丝婷的思绪都赶跑了。 10 minutes later.他已经坐在"莫斯迪斯280SL"型汽车的方向盘后面，开上了高速公路。那可怜的老头儿维图里奥将孤独无靠了，在这最美好的时代里，他的负担是沉重的。汽车开得愈加快了；此时，他已经在四处闲逛着，等候着班机到达机场，以便去梵蒂冈。这是一件他做来有信心的事情，是一件他能够控制自己的事情，对于像她这样的人来说，总是有一件重大的、需要考虑的事情要去做。