Chapter 34 Chapter Nineteen (Part 2)

It was astonishing that calm water could be so deceiving.The tide was rough and he felt the current pull his legs down, but he was a very good swimmer and it didn't worry him.As soon as he put his head down, he glides smoothly through the water, and he enjoys swimming freely in the water.When he paused and glanced at the beach, he saw the two German women pull on their swimming caps, laughing and running into the surf. He rolled his hands around his mouth into a microphone and yelled at them in German that the tide was not safe and that they stay in shallow water.They smiled and waved their hands in thanks.Then he put his head in the water, swam again, and thought he heard a cry.He drifted a little farther, though, and then stopped, treading water in a place where the bottom current wasn't too bad.There was a shout, and when he turned around, he saw the two women struggling, their faces twitching, screaming, and one was sinking with his hands up.On the beach, the two Englishmen had stood up, barely approaching the water.

He folded his belly and quickly dived into the water, swimming closer and closer.The panicked arms reached him, clung to him, and dragged him underwater; he managed to pinch a woman by the waist until he could knock her unconscious with a quick blow to her jaw , and then grabbed the straps of the other woman's bathing suit, put his knees hard against her spine, and hugged her.He coughed as he drank a few sips of water as he sank; lying on his back in the water, he began to drag his two impotent loads. The two "bommies" slumped their shoulders, too frightened to go any further, and he didn't blame them in the end for that.His toes touched the sand; he sighed in relief.Exhausted, he made one last superhuman effort to shove the two women to safety.They soon regained consciousness and began screaming again, splashing frantically.Dane gasped and grinned as hard as he could.Now the two "bommies" can take over the responsibility.While he was resting, his chest heaving laboriously, the current sucked him out to sea again, and when he stretched his feet down, they could no longer wipe the bottom.It was a near miss, and if he hadn't been there, they would have drowned; the Bommies didn't have the strength or the skill to save them.But, by the way, the reason they want to swim is to get close to you; they have no intention of getting into the water until they see you.It's your fault they're in danger, it's your fault.

As he floated effortlessly, a terrible pain rose in his chest, really like being stabbed by a gun, the shocking sharp pain of a long, red-hot spear.He yelled out, throwing his hands above his head, his body stiffened and his muscles spasmed.But the pain got worse, forcing his arms to drop again, his fists stuck in his armpits, and his knees curled up.my heart!I'm having heart failure and I'm dying!O my heart!I don't want to die!Don't die before I start my work, before I have a chance to test myself!Dear Lord, help me!I don't want to die, I don't want to die! The spasming body was still and slack; Dane turned back on the water, his arms stretched out with the current, limp despite the pain.This is it, here is your spear, which I begged with pride not an hour ago.As I said, give me the opportunity to suffer, let me go through hardships.Now, when it comes, I am resisting, incapable of pure love.Dearest Lord, you are in pain!I must accept it, I must not wrestle with it, I must not wrestle with your will.Thy hand is strong, it is your sickness, as man felt it on the cross.O my God, my God, I am yours!If this is your will, then let it be.Like a child, I place myself in your boundless hands.You are too kind to me.What have I done to benefit me so much from you, from those who love me more than anyone else?Why have you given me so much when I have not deserved it?Pain, pain!You are too kind to me.I beg, don't let it take so long, it won't be long.My ordeal will be short, and it will end quickly.Soon I shall see your face, but for now, while still alive, I thank you.pain!My dearest Lord, you are too merciful to me.I love you!

The still, waiting body trembled violently.His lips were agitated.Mumbling that great name, trying to smile.Then the pupils dilated and the blue in his eyes disappeared forever.The two women were completely on the beach at last, and the two Englishmen threw their two weeping bundles on the sand; stood looking at him.But the calm, blue deep sea is so vast; the waves rush in and recede quietly.Dane went. Someone remembered that a U.S. Air Force base was nearby and ran for help.Less than 30 minutes after Dane disappeared, a helicopter took off, whirled its wings furiously through the air, and swooped down on some expanding water circles near the beach, searching for no one to count on can see anything.A drowned person cannot rise up within a few days after sinking to the bottom of the sea.An hour passed; then, fifteen miles away, they saw Dane floating quietly in the depths, arms outstretched, face turned to the sky.For a while they thought he was alive, and they felt a moment of joy, but when the helicopter lowered and the water bubbled up, they knew he was dead.The radio station on the helicopter sent out the coordinates here, and a motorboat came quickly, and three hours later, it returned.

Word has spread.The Cretans had enjoyed watching him pass by, and were more than happy to chat with him shyly.Though they loved him, they did not know him.They came in flocks toward the sea, the women all in black like scruffy flocks, the men in old-fashioned baggy trousers and white shirts with open collars and rolled-up sleeves.Groups stood there silently, waiting. When the motorboat arrived, a thick-bodied sheriff jumped onto the beach, turned around, took a humanoid thing wrapped in a blanket, and held it in his arms.He walked a few yards up the beach, out of the waterline, and with the help of another man, laid his burden down, and the blanket spread; whispers.They huddled in a circle, pressing the cross to their weather-beaten lips.The women wept softly, uttering a muffled "Oh--!".There was an almost melodic melody in the voice, mournful; it was enduring, earthly and effeminate.

It was about five o'clock in the afternoon; the occluded sun was sinking behind the melancholy cliffs, but there was still enough light to make out the small group of dark figures on the beach.The slender and peaceful body lay on the sand, golden skin, eyes closed, eyelashes long and pointed from the dry salt, and a smile on blue lips.A stretcher was brought, and the Cretans, along with American soldiers, carried Dane away. Athens was in chaos and turmoil that upset all order, but the colonel of the United States Air Force spoke to his superiors on a specially crafted frequency; in his hand he held Dane's blue Australian passport, as it was written on it. As stated, there are no records detailing his identity.His occupation simply states "Student", with the name of his next of kin, Justine, listed on the reverse, along with her address in London.He wasn't interested in the legality of the passport's duration; he took her name down because London was much closer to Rome than Drogheda.In his little room in the inn, the square black case containing his priestly utensils remained unopened, waiting with his trunk to be carried where it was supposed to go.

When the phone rang at nine o'clock in the morning, Justine rolled over and opened her eyes slowly, cursing at the phone and swearing it must be for some goddamn unrelated thing.People in other parts of the world think it's perfectly normal for them to start whatever they do at 9 a.m., so why do they think she does too? But; the phone was ringing, ringing, ringing.Maybe it was Rain; the thought woke her up.Justine got up, staggered, and staggered out into the living room.The Reichstag was in an emergency session; she hadn't seen Rain for a week and would have a chance to see him next week; but she wasn't optimistic about it, at least.But maybe the crisis has been resolved, and he calls to tell her that he's on his way.

"Hello?" "Is that Miss Justine O'Neill?" "Yes, please." "This is the Australian office, on Aldwych Road, you know?" The voice, with a British inflection, said a name she didn't bother to hear because it wasn't Wren. Much to her chagrin. "Oh, the Australian office." She stood there, yawning, rubbing the toe of one foot against the sole of the other. "Have you a brother named Mr. Dane O'Neill?" Justine's eyes opened. "Yes, there are." "Miss Justine, is he in Greece now?" Standing nervously with both feet on the carpet. "Yes, exactly." She thought about correcting what the voice said, explaining that it was the priest, not the sir.

"Miss O'Neill, I am sorry to say that it was my unfortunate duty to bring you bad news." "Bad news? Bad news? What is it? What's going on? What happened?" "I have to regret to inform you that your brother, Mr Dane O'Neill, drowned yesterday in Crete, I hear he died heroically, a sea rescue was carried out. But you know, what is happening in Greece Revolution, we have incomplete and perhaps inaccurate information." The phone was on a table against the wall, and Justine leaned against the wall, leaning on it for support.Her knees buckled and she began to slide very slowly down, collapsing into a heap on the floor.What she made was neither laughing nor crying, but something in between, an audible gasp.

"Miss O'Neill, are you still listening, Miss O'Neill?" the voice asked stubbornly. "Dead. Drowned. My brother!" "Miss O'Neill, please answer me!" "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! Oh God, here I am!" "I hear you are his next of kin, and therefore we must have your instructions as to what to do with the body. Miss O'Neill, are you there to listen?" "In the!" "Miss O'Neill, what do you wish to do with this body?" Corpse!He became a corpse, and they didn't even say it was his corpse, they had to say the corpse.Dane, my Dane.He is a corpse. "Near relatives?" she heard her own voice asking, thin and weak, broken by harsh breaths. "I'm not a close relative of Dane. My mother is, I suppose."

Pause for a moment. "I'm having a hard time, Miss O'Neill. If you're not next of kin, we're wasting precious time." The polite sympathy grew impatient. "You don't seem to understand that the revolution is taking place in Greece, and that the accident is in Crete, which is farther away and difficult to contact with Riga. Truly! A full reading with Athens is practically impossible, and we have been ordered to convey to the next of kin personal request, and instructions on how to dispose of the body immediately. Is your mother there? Would you please let me speak to her?" "My mother isn't here. She's in Australia." "Australia? My God! This is getting worse. Now we have to send a telex to Australia, and there will be more delays. If you are not next of kin, Miss O'Neill, why does your brother's passport say yours?" address?" "I don't know." She said, and found her laughing. "Give me your mother's address in Australia; we'll telex her right away. We've got to know what to do with this body! By this point, telexing back and forth means 12 hours of delay, I hope you understand That. Things are hard enough without this chaos." "Then call her. Don't waste time on telex." "We don't have international calls in our budget, Miss O'Neill," said the gruff voice. "Would you please give me your mother's name and address now?" "Mrs. Meggie O'Neil," Justine elaborated. "Australia, New South Wales, Killambo, Drogheda." She spelled out names that were very unfamiliar to her. "I'm so sorry, please say it again, Miss O'Neill." The language snapped and began to emit a continuous buzzing of the dial.Justine sat on the floor and let the microphone slide down her lap.There must be a mistake, and the matter will be thoroughly investigated.Dane drowned, when he was a top swimmer?No, that's not true.But it's true, Justine, you know, it's true.You didn't go with him, protect him, and he drowned.You've been his button protector since he was a baby and you were supposed to be there.If you can't save him, you should fight there with him.The only reason you didn't go was because you wanted to come to London so you could get Rain to have sex with you. The thoughts are so intense, everything is so relentless.It seemed that everything in the world stopped moving, even her legs failed.She couldn't get up, and she would rather never get up again.There was no place in her mind for anyone but Dane.Her mind pictured the weakening circle of water around Dane, until she thought of her mother, the people of Drogheda.oh god.The news would reach there, it would reach her, it would reach them.Mom didn't even have one last pleasant look at his face in Rome.I figured they'd send the wire to the Geary police station, and old Sergeant Erne would get in his car and drive all the way to Drogheda to tell my mother that her only son was dead.He's not the right guy for the job, he's pretty much a stranger.Mrs. O'Neill, it is with my deepest and most heartfelt apologies to inform you that your son has died.Perfunctory, courteous and courteous, empty words... No, I can't let them do this to her, I can't do this to her, she is also me, my mother!Not in that way, not in the way I heard the news. She pulled the telephone left on the table to her lap, held the receiver to her ear, and dialed the operator's number. "A terminal? Trunk, please. International call. Hello? I want an urgent call, Australia, Killambo, 1--2--1--2. Be quick, please." Meggie answered the call herself.It was getting late and Fee had gone to bed.These days, she always doesn't want to go to bed in the morning. She would rather sit there and listen to the crickets and frogs, and take a nap with a book in her arms, reminiscing. "Hello?" "Mrs. O'Neill, London long distance," said Hazel of Gilly. "Hello, Justine," said Meggie, unfazed, which was a rare thing for Justine to call back home to ask about things. "Mom, is that you, Mom?" "Yeah, it's Mom talking here," Meggie said softly, aware of Justine's distress. "Oh, Mom! Oh, Mom!" The voice sounded like a gasp, a sob. "Mom, Dane is dead. Dane is dead!" An abyss opened beneath her feet.Down, down; it's sinking, bottomless.Meggie slipped into this abyss, felt its edges close over her head, and knew that as long as she lived, she would never come out again.What can the gods do?When she asked this question, she had no idea what the answer was.How can she ask such a question?How could she not know the answer?The gods don't like people to offend them.She thought she had finally paid the price for not seeing him, not sharing this moment with him because it was the best moment of his life.Dane was free now, free from revenge, and free from her.She was revenged for not seeing that face that was more intimate than anyone else.Meggie stood there, realizing it was too late. "Justine, my dearest, be calm," said Meggie firmly, without trembling in her voice. "Calm down and tell me, are you sure?" "It was the call from the Australian office - they thought I was his next of kin, a horrible man who just wanted to know what I wanted to do with the body. That's what he always called Dane .As if he couldn't think of another name anymore, as if that was anyone." Meggie heard her sobbing. "God! I think the poor man hates what he's done. Oh mother, Dane's dead!" "How did it happen, Justine? Where? In Rome? Why didn't Ralph call me?" "No, not in Rome. The cardinal probably doesn't know anything about it. In Crete. The man said he was drowned while trying to save someone at sea. He was on holiday." Ma, he asked me to go with him, but I didn't, I want to be Desdemona, I want to be with Rain. If only I were with Dane! If I go, Maybe it won't happen. Oh God, what am I going to do?" "Come on, Justine," Meggie said sternly. "Don't think like that, did you hear me? Dane's going to hate this, you know, he's going to hate it. Right now, the most important thing is that you're safe and I can't lose both of you. Now all I have left is you Oh, Justine, Justine, the mountains are far away! The world is big, big. Come home to Drogheda! I don't want to think of you alone." "No, I have to work. For me, work is the only compensation. If I don't work, I will go crazy. I don't want a family, I don't want a comfortable life. Oh, mother!" She began to cry violently stand up. "How can we live without him!" Indeed, how to live?Is that the kind of life?You come from God and you return to God.From dust to dust.Life is made for those of us who fail.Greedy God, who gathers the good around him, leaves the world to the rest of us, fallen ones like us. "How long we're going to live is not something any of us can tell," Meggie said. "Justine, thank you so much for calling me yourself." "Mom, I can't stand the thought of a stranger breaking the news. It can't be like that, having the news come from a stranger. What are you going to do? What can you do?" All her hope was to try to cross all the distances and pour her warmth and consolation into the heart of her mentally broken daughter in London.Her son is dead, her daughter is still alive.She must do it well, if it is possible.Justine seemed to have loved only Dane in her life, and no one else, not even herself. "Dear Justine, don't cry. Control yourself, don't be sad. He wouldn't want this, would he? Come home and forget about it. We'll take Dane back to the Droghey family too Yes. Legally he belongs to me again, he doesn't belong to the church, they can't stop me. I'm going to call the Australian office immediately, and if I can get through, the embassy in Athens. He has to Go home. I hate to think of him lying somewhere far away from Drogheda. He belongs there and he has to go home. Come back with him, Justine." But Justine slumped there, shaking her head as if her mother could see.go home?She must never come home again.If she went with Dane, he wouldn't die.To go home and look at her mother's face every day for the rest of her life?No, I can't stand even thinking about it. "No, Mom," she said, tears rolling down her body, hot as molten metal.Who the hell said that most people don't take the action of crying?They don't know how to cry at all. "I'm going to stay here and work. I'm going to go home with Dane, but then I'm coming back. I can't live on Drogheda." For three days they waited in aimless emptiness, Justine in London and Meggie's family in Drogheda, misinterpreting the official silence as a faint hope.Oh sure, after all this time, it will be proved to be a mistake, sure, if it is true, they will know by now!Dane would walk in in front of Justine with a big smile on his face and say, It was all a stupid mistake.There is a rebellion going on in Greece, and all the stupid mistakes are going to be made.He would walk through the door, laughing contemptuously at the notion of his death.He was big, strong, standing there alive, and he would laugh, hope growing, and growing with every minute they waited.This is the unfathomable, terrible hope.He's not dead, no!Dane wouldn't have died without being drowned, he was a good swimmer enough to swim in any kind of seawater and survive.So they wait, refusing to admit that there is error in hope.However, as time passed, the news was finally confirmed, and Rome had also been informed of the news. On the morning of the fourth day, Justine got the news.Like an old woman, she picked up the phone again and asked for Australia. "Is it mom?" "Justine?" "Oh ma, they've already buried him and we can't take him home! What shall we do? All they can say is that Crete is a big place, don't know the name of the village, and on telex By the time we got there he had been snuck somewhere and disposed of. He was lying in an unmarked cemetery somewhere! I couldn't get a visa to Greece, no one wanted to help, it was a mess It's a pot of porridge. Mom, what should we do?" "Pick me up in Rome, Justine," Meggie said. Everyone except Anne Muller was at the phone, still not recovering from the blow.During those three days, the men seemed to gain 20 years, and Fee, shrunken like a bird, was pale and whiny, walking around the room saying over and over, "Why doesn't this happen to me?" Why did they take him? I'm so old, so old! I wouldn't care to go, why him? Why not me? I'm so old!" Anne was broken, Mrs. Smith, Minnie, and Kate walked, quietly wiping away their tears. When Meggie put the phone down, she watched them silently.Here is Drogheda, and all of that has been left behind.A small group of old men and old women, barren and disheartened. "Dane is lost," she said. "No one can find him; he's buried somewhere in Crete. It's so far away! How can he be laid to rest so far from Drogheda? I'm going to Rome and find Ralph De Bricassart. If there is anyone who can help us, it is him." Cardinal de Bricassart's secretary entered his room. "My lord, I'm sorry to disturb you, but a lady wanted to see you, and I explained that there was a meeting here and you were too busy to see anyone, but she said she would sit in the front hall until You have time to see her." "Has she troubled herself, Father?" "Extremely distressed, sir, that's easy to see. She said, I want to tell you, her name is Meggie O'Neill." He pronounced the name with a distinctly foreign accent, so that he sounded like May E Onnell. Father Ralph stood up, and the blood faded from his face.Become as pale as his Haoshou. "Your Excellency! Are you ill?" "No, Father. I am very well, thank you, cancel my appointment until I further inform you, and bring me to Mrs. O'Neill at once. Do not disturb us except the Pope himself." The priest bowed and left.O'Neal.certainly!It was little Dane's name, and he should have remembered it.In the cardinal's mansion the name is omitted, and they say only Dane.Ah, he made a terrible mistake and kept her waiting.If Dane was Your Excellency's dearest and dearest nephew, Mrs. O'Neill was his dearest and dearest sister. Cardinal Ralph barely recognized Meggie when she entered the room.It had been thirty years since he had last seen her; she was fifty-three and he was seventy-one.Now, both of them are getting older.Her face was still the same.She hasn't changed much, her temperament has become completely different from the temperament he imagined.A sharpness replaced the agreeable loveliness, a certain grit instead of tenderness; she resembled not so much a vigorous, aging, obstinate martyr as one who had given up her dreams. holy, obedient temple saints. Her beauty was as striking as ever, her eyes were the same clear silver-grey, but hardened; her once-bright hair had faded to a flat beige, dead like Dane's. like that.She was so disturbed that she did not look long at him to satisfy his eager and loving curiosity. Unable to greet Meggie with poise, he gestured primly to a chair. "Please sit down." "Thank you," she said, just as awkwardly. Only when she sat down and he could look down on her whole body did he see how her feet and ankles were swollen. "Meggie! You flew all the way from Australia without stopping? What's the matter?" "Yes, I flew straight in," she said. "For the past 29 hours, I've been sitting in the plane from Kiri to Rome, doing nothing but looking at the clouds from the porthole and thinking about it." Her voice was harsh and indifferent. "What's going on?" he repeated patiently, anxious and frightened. Her gaze lifted from her feet and was fixed on him. There was something terrible in her eyes; something so gloomy and chilling that goosebumps rose on the skin on the back of his neck, and he raised his hand unconsciously to stroke it. "Dane is dead," said Meggie. When he sank into the chair, his hand slipped down and landed on his lap like a doll's hand. "Dead?" he said slowly. "Dain is dead?" "Yes, he was drowned in Crete six days ago, trying to save some women from the sea." He leaned forward and covered his face with his hands. "Dead?" she heard him mumble. "Dain's dead? My handsome boy! He can't die! Dane - he's a flawless priest - I can't do that at all. He has something I don't have." His voice cracked . "He's always had that—that's what we all recognize—all of us who aren't perfect priests. Dead? Oh, dear God!" "Never worry about your dear God, Ralph," said the stranger sitting opposite him. "You have more important things to do. I've come to ask for your help - not to witness your sorrow. I'm going to tell you this. For a while I just stared at the clouds from the window, thinking Dane was dead. After that, your sorrow has no power to move me." Yet when his face was lifted from his hands, her numb and icy heart throbbed, twitched, and jumped.It was Dane's face, with a look of concern that Dane had never felt while he was alive.Oh thank God!Thank God, he is dead, and now he will never go through the sorrows that this man went through and that I went through.Rather than letting him endure such ordeals, it would be better to let him die. "How can I help, Meggie?" he asked quietly.He held back his emotions and assumed the straight-soul air of her spiritual advisor. "Greece is in chaos. They buried Dane somewhere in Crete and I can't figure out where, when, or why. I just think I Instructions to fly him home were delayed indefinitely by civil war, and Crete was as hot as Australia, and at the time he was unclaimed, I think, they thought he wouldn't be claimed and buried him Him." She leaned forward nervously in her chair. "Ralph, I want my boy back. I want him to be found, to be brought back to his land, to rest where he belongs, on Drogheda. I Promised Jens I'd let him rest in Drogheda, and if I had to crawl every cemetery in Crete on my hands and knees I would. Don't imagine building him a priest in Rome Tomb, Ralph, as long as I live to fight a legal battle, don't try to do that." "No one would refuse you, Meggie," he said softly. "It's a Catholic principle of inviolability, and that's what the Church needs. I've asked to be buried in Drogheda, too." "I can't figure out the tedious and drawn-out formalities," she went on, as if he hadn't spoken. "I don't speak Greek. I have no power or influence. So I come to you, use your power and influence, and get my son back, Ralph!" "Don't worry, Meggie, we'll get him back, though maybe not so quickly. The Left is in power now, and they're terribly anti-Catholic. But I'm not without friends in Greece, so it'll work out. Let I'll mobilize our institutions right away, don't worry. He's a priest of the Catholic Church and we'll get him back." His hand was already on the bell rope, but Meggie's cold, stern gaze stopped it. "You don't understand, Ralph, I don't want the agency to mobilize. I want my son back - not in a week or next month, but now! You speak Greek, you can fuck for you and me When it comes to the visa, you will get the results. I want you and me to go to Greece now and help me get my son back." There are many expressions in his eyes: tenderness, sympathy, shock, sadness.However, they have long since become a pair of priestly eyes, steady, methodical, and rational. "Meggie, I love your son as if he were mine, but I can't leave Rome just now. I'm not an unfettered agent - as you should know all too well. Whatever I say to you No matter how much affection I have personally, I cannot leave Rome in the middle of an extremely important meeting. I am an assistant to the Pope." She straightened her back, bewildered and resentful.Then she shook her head, half-smiling, as if grinning at something hollow and unreal outside her influence.Then, trembling, she licked her lips as if to come to a decision; she rose and sat stiffly. "Ralph, do you really love my son as much as your own? Well, can you sit back and say to his mother, no, I'm so sorry, I can't make time? Can you Say that to your son's mother?" Dane's eyes, and yet not Dane's eyes, looked at her; bewildered, full of pain, not knowing what to do. "I don't have a son," he said. "But. What I've learned from many, many things with you is that no matter how difficult things may be, my first and only allegiance is to Almighty God." "Dane is your son too," said Meggie. He stared at her blankly. "what?" "I said, Dane is your son too, and I was pregnant when I left Pautrouk. Dane is yours, not Luke O'Neill's." "It's--not--truth!" "I never meant to let you know. Not even now," she said. "Would I lie to you?" "Get Dane back? Yes," he said weakly. She got up, went to watch him closely in the red brocaded chair, put his small, parchment-like hand in hers, and stooped to kiss the ring;红宝石上蒙上了淡淡的一层水雾、"拉尔夫，以你珍视的一切至神至圣，我发誓，戴恩是你的儿子。他不是，也不可能是卢克的。我以他的死对此发誓。" 一阵失声激哭，这是一个灵魂穿过地狱人口时发出的声音。拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特从椅子中向前跌落在地上，哭泣着，在深红色的地毯上跨成一团，象是一汪刚刚流淌出来的鲜血、他的脸埋在交迭着的胳膊中，他的手抓住了头发。 "是的，哭吧！"梅吉说道。"哭吧，现在你知道了吧！这正是他双亲中的一个能够为他抛洒的泪水。哭吧，拉尔夫！我得到了你的儿子26年，而你却不知道，甚至看不出来。看不出他完完全全又是一个你！当他出生时，我母亲从我这里一接过她，她就明白了，可是你却从来没有发觉。你的手，你的脚，你的脸庞，你的眼睛。你的身体。只有他头发的颜色是他自己的；其他的都是你的。现在你明白了吧？在我把他送到你这儿来的时候。我在我的信中说过，我所偷来的，我还回去。记得吗？只有咱们俩才偷了。拉尔夫。我们把你向上帝发过誓的东西偷来了，我们俩人都得付出代价。" 她毫不宽恕和怜悯地坐在她的椅子中，望着地板上那极其痛苦的鲜红的身影。"我爱你，拉尔夫，但你从来不是我的。我所从你那里得到的，是我不得不偷来的。戴恩是我的一部分，是我所能从你那里得到的一切。我曾发誓决不让你知道，我曾发誓决不让你得到把他从我身边带走的机会。可是后来，他自己把他给了你，这是他的自由意志。他称你是完美无瑕的教士的形象。对这话我曾怎样嘲弄过啊！但是，我不愿意给你任何像知道他是你的这样一件武器。除了这种情况。除了这种情况！因为我告诉你横竖也是一样。他再不属于我们俩了。他属于上帝。" 德·布里克萨特约衣主教在雅典包租了一架私人飞机；他、梅吉和朱丝婷把戴恩带回了故土德罗海达；活着的人股默地坐着，死去的静静地躺在尸体的架上，于人世再也无所求了。 我不得不为我的儿子做这次弥撒，这次追思弥撒。我的亲骨肉，我的儿子。Yes.梅吉，我相信你。就算咽了气，我也会相信你的，而用不着你发那样可怕的誓。维图里奥看到这孩子的那一刻便明白了，而我在内心里也一定是知道的。你躺在玫瑰花的后面嘲笑那孩子--但是我的眼睛却只盯着我自己，就像它们过去只望着我的清白一样。菲知道。安妮·穆勒知道。但是我们男人却不知道。我们只配别人告诉我们。因为你们女人也是这样想的紧紧地抱住你们的秘密，把你们的后背冲着我们，因为掉以轻心的上帝没有按照他的形象来创造你们。维图里奥是知道的，但是他身上的女子气质使他保持着缄默。这也是一个巧妙的报复。 说出来吧，拉尔夫·德·布里克萨特，张开你的嘴，动手做祝福，开始为这个去世的人吟诵拉丁文吧、他是你的儿子，你对他的爱甚于对他的母亲的爱。是的，要甚于对他母亲的爱！因为他完完全全又是一个你，具备更完美的气质。 "天堂在上，以我圣父、圣子、圣灵之名……"① ①原文为拉丁文In Nomine Patrls，et Filii，et Spiritus Sancti……--译注 小教堂里挤得满满的，那些能到场的人都在这里。金一家人，奥多克一家人，戴维斯一家人，皮尤一家人，麦克奎恩一家人，戈登一家人，卡万克尔一家人、霍普顿一家人，还有克利里一家人，德罗海达的人们。希望凋零了，光明消失了。在前面，戴恩·奥尼尔神父躺在一具铅皮衬里的的棺材里，覆盖着玫瑰花。为什么在他回到德罗海达的时候，玫瑰花总是盛开？现在是10月，正当仲春。它们当然是一片怒放了。时令正对头。 "耶稣基督……耶稣基督……"① ①原文是拉丁文Sanctus……Sanctus……Sanctus……--译注 小心，至神至圣的地方就是在你的上面。我的戴恩，我美丽的儿子。This is the best.我不希望你变成这种样子，我现在的这种样子。为什么我要对你说这个，我不知道。你不需要这个，永远不需要。我在求索什么，你凭本能就知道了。不幸的人不是你，而是在这里的我们这些人，这些留下的人。怜悯我们吧，当我们的大限到来的时候，请帮助我们。 "纯洁灵魂，皆可安息……"① ①原文是拉丁文Lie.Mkssa……Requies catinpace……--译注 人们穿过了外面的草坪，经过了魔鬼桉、玫瑰花、花椒树，来到了墓地。安息吧，戴恩，因为只有早夭才是美好的。我们为什么要哀痛？你是幸运的，这样快就从这个人疲惫的生活中逃遁而去了。也许，地狱就是长期地被束缚在红尘之中。也许，我们是活着遭受地狱之苦。 一天过去，送葬者离开了，德罗海达的人在房子里缓缓走动者，互相闪避着！拉尔夫红衣主教起先望了望梅吉，就不忍再看她了。朱丝婷和珍妮、博伊·金一起离开，赶下午的飞机到悉尼去了，并乘夜班飞机去了伦敦。他完全不记得曾听见她那沙哑而迷人的声音，或看到了她那双古怪的浅色眼睛。从她在雅典与他和梅吉会面的时候到她和珍、博伊·金一起离开的时候，她象是一个幽灵，这层伪装把她裹得紧紧的。为什么他不给雷纳·哈森打电话，请他陪伴着她？她肯定知道他是多么爱她，他现在是多么希望陪伴她的吧？但是，由他给雷纳打个电话的念头根本没有在拉尔夫红衣主教那疲惫的头脑里转多久，尽管自从他离开罗马以来曾几次转过这个念头。德罗海达的人是奇怪的。他们不愿意挤在一堆伤心，宁愿独自忍受着他们的痛苦。 只有菲和梅吉在一顿杯箸未动的饭后，在客厅里陪拉尔夫红衣主教坐着。谁都没说一个字；壁炉架上的镀金钟格外清晰地嘀哒嘀哒地响着，画像上的玛丽·卡森带着一种无言挑战的神态，两眼越过房间望着菲的祖母的画像。菲和梅吉一起坐在一个米黄色的沙发上，肩膀轻轻地靠在一起；拉尔夫红衣主教从来不记得她们往日里曾如此亲密过。但是，她们一言不发，既不互相看，也不看他。 他试图搞明白他做错了什么事。错误太多了，麻烦正在于此。自负、野心勃勃、某种程度的不道德。对梅吉的爱就是在这样的土壤之中开花的，但是，这爱情最值得赞美的硕果他却始终不知道。要是当时他知道戴恩是他的儿子会有什么差别呢？他对那孩子的爱可能会超过他过去的那种爱吗？要是他当时了解他儿子的情况，他会采取一种不同的方式吗？yes!他的心在痛哭。不，他的理智在嘲笑， 他激烈地指责着自己，傻瓜！你本应该明白梅吉是不可能回到卢克的身边去的。你本应该马上就明白戴恩是谁的孩子。她是这样为他而自豪！这就是她能够从你这里得到的一切。她在罗马就是这样对你说的。哦，梅吉……在他的身上你得到了最美好的东西。亲爱的上帝啊。拉尔夫，你怎么能不明白他是你的呢？如果以前不明白的话，那么，当他已经长大成人，来到你的身边的时候，你本应该发觉的。她是在等待着你自己明白过来，急切地等待着你明白过来；只要你明白了，她会双膝跪在你的面前的。可是你却瞎了眼。你不想明白。拉尔夫·拉乌尔·德·布里克萨特红衣主教，这就是你所希望的；这种希望胜过了她，胜过了你的儿子。胜过了你的儿子！ 房间里已充满了低声的哭泣、悉索声和喃喃低语；钟表和他的心同时啪啪地跳动着。随后：这跳动便不再是同时的了。他和它的步调已经不一致了。在一片飘忽不定的雾翳中，梅吉和菲似乎站在那里漂动着；她们那惊惶万状的脸浮来浮去，对他说着一些他似乎听不见的话。 "啊--！"他大喊着，心里已经明白了。 他几乎没有意识到痛苦，只是对梅吉的胳臂搂着他，以及他的头倒在她怀中的这种状况感到心满意足。但是，他竭力转动着身体。直到他能看到她的眼睛，看到她。他想说，宽恕我吧，但是他明白，她很久以前就已经宽恕他了。她知道，她从中已经得到了最美好的东西。随后，他想说一些非常快乐的话，使她能得到永远的慰藉。但是他明白，这也是不必要的。不管她是什么样的人，她会承受任何事的。任何事！于是，他合上了双眼，听凭自己的感觉所至，在最后的一刻，他忘掉了梅吉。