Chapter 22 Chapter Thirteen (Part 2)

Meggie was standing under the verandah of the cottage when old Rob's car came pattering down the road, raising his hand to say that everything was fine and that he didn't need anything, and he parked where he used to park , ready to back up the car, but before he backed up, a man in shorts, shirt and sandals jumped out of the car with a suitcase in his hand. "Ho-Mrs. O'Neill!" Rob yelled as he approached. But Meggie was never going to get Luke O'Neill and Ralph de Bricassart wrong again.It wasn't Luke, and she couldn't be mistaken even though it was far away and the light was fading rapidly.She stood silently waiting for Ralph de Bricassart as he came towards her along the road.He had decided that he still wanted her after all.There could be no other reason for him to meet her in a place like this, and with Luke O'Neill himself.

Nothing in her body seemed to be working, not her legs, her mind, her heart.This was Ralph begging her to come, why couldn't she be emotional?Why didn't she run down the road and throw herself into his arms?Why can't I not care about anything other than ecstasy when I see him?This was Ralph, and he was the one she wanted to banish from her life; hadn't she spent just over a week trying to get that fact out of her mind?Damn him!Damn him!Why had he come when she had finally begun to get him out of her mind, if not out of her heart?Oh, it's all about to start all over again!She was overwhelmed, sweating, and angry.She stood there dumbly waiting, watching the graceful figure grow bigger and bigger.

"Hello, Ralph," she said through gritted teeth, without looking at him. "Hello, Meggie." "Bring in your suitcase. Would you like a cup of hot tea?" She said, leading him into the living room, still without looking at him. "Just a cup of tea," he said.He was just as unnatural as she was. He followed her into the kitchen and looked at her.She plugged in an electric kettle, filled it with water from a water heater that stood over the sink, and busied herself removing teacups and trays from the sideboard.She handed him a large five-pound tin of Aloz biscuits.From it he grabbed two or three handfuls of homemade cookies and put them on a plate.When the electric kettle was turned on, she poured out all the hot water, spooned loose tea leaves into it, and filled it with boiling water.She carried the pan full of cookies and the teapot, and he followed her, cup and saucer, back into the living room.

The three rooms are built in a row, with the living room leading to the bedroom on one side and the kitchen on the other, and next to the kitchen is the bathroom.That is, the house has two porches, one facing the road and the other facing the beach.It was completely dark, as suddenly dark as it is in the tropics.But the air passing through the open sliding doors is filled with splashes of water splashed by the waves.far away.The waves beat on the reef, and the waves burst, and the soft and warm wind passed through and passed through. Although neither of them could eat a single biscuit, they both drank their tea in silence, and the silence lasted until the tea was finished.He turned to stare at her, but she continued to stare at a strange young palm tree, lively, just outside the porch door facing the road.

"What's the matter, Meggie?" he asked.His words were so loving and gentle, her heart beat wildly, as if she was about to be tortured to death by this pain.This is a familiar question from a grown man to a little girl.He had not come to Matlock Island to see the woman at all, but to see the child.He loves children, not women.He had hated this woman from the moment she had grown up. Her eyes turned and looked at him, full of surprise, hatred, and anger; even now he was!Time stopped, she just stared at him like this, but he held his breath in surprise, and had to look at the clear eyes of this grown woman.Meggie's eyes, oh God, Meggie's eyes!

What he said to Anne Muller was hardly false.He just wanted to see her, nothing else.As much as he loves her, he doesn't intend to be her lover.He just came to see her, talk to her, sleep on the couch in the living room as her friend, and at the same time try to dig out the roots of her long-lasting obsession with him.If only he could see the root fully exposed, he thought.He will have the spiritual means to eradicate it once and for all. It was hard for him to adjust himself to Meggie, with her full breasts, willow waist, and round hips; but he had, because when he looked into her eyes, it was like seeing a pool of green water in St. Under the light of the temple lamp, his Meggie was reflected.From the first time he saw her, a desire and a phantom had gripped him so tightly that he could not escape.In her distressingly altered body, these things remained unchanged.But when he could see in her eyes that these things were still there, he could accept the changed body and make it attractive to him.

Examining his own wishes and dreams about her, he never doubted that she had the same wishes and dreams about him the day she gave birth to Justine, before she treated him like an angry cat. .Even after his anger and heartache had subsided, he did not attribute her actions to the pain she was going through, which was more tormenting of the mind than of the body.Now, seeing her finally show this emotion, he understood at once that moment when she shed the eyes of a child and began to see the world through the eyes of a grown woman, at Mary Carson's birthday party. Then, what happened to the scene in the cemetery.At the time, he was explaining to her why he couldn't show her special attention, because then people would think he was showing a manly interest in her.She was looking at him then.There was something in the eyes that he did not understand; then she looked away, and when she looked back the expression was gone.He understood now that she had seen him differently since then; that when she kissed him, her kisses were not the hasty, timid kisses that he had kissed hers.Later, she went back to the old way of missing him.But he kept the illusions in his mind invariably, he cultivated these illusions, and stuffed them into his unchanging life path as much as possible, like an ascetic wearing a horsehair shirt, inseparable for a moment.And she always regarded him as the object of a woman's love, and gave her love to him.

He admitted that from the time of their first kiss he had wanted her physically, but that desire had never troubled him as much as his love for her; he separated the two There are differences, not two aspects of the same thing.She, the poor creature who misunderstood him, never gave up on this particular whim. If there was any way of leaving Matlock Island at this time, he would leave her as quickly as Eretus from the Furies.But he couldn't leave the island.He would rather wander in the dark night meaninglessly than have the courage to stay in front of her.What can I do, how can I remedy the current situation?I do love her!And, if I love her.That must be because of the way she is now, not because of the way she stayed as a teenager.It was the womanliness in her that I had always loved; that was the burden that weighed on him.So, Ralph de Bricassarte, take off your blindfold, and see her as she is, not as she was years ago.Sixteen years, an unbelievably long sixteen years... I'm 45, she's 26, we're both kids, and I'm far from mature.

① According to Greek mythology.Oretes, the son of Agamemnon and Chrysenestra, killed his mother in order to avenge his father.The daughter of the night, the Furies, punished those who killed his mother. They chased Oretes and made him run wild and in a state of madness. -- Annotation You figured it out the moment I got out of Rob's car.You thought I had finally given in.But before you breathe a sigh of relief, I show you that you are very, very wrong.I tore off the veil of your fantasies like an old rag, Meggie!What have I done to you?How could I be so reckless, so self-centered?I have nothing else to come to see you, if it does not break your heart.Over the years, we have been completely in love with each other in contradiction.

She was still looking into his eyes, her eyes were full of embarrassment and humiliation, but when his face finally showed a desperate expression of pity, she seemed to realize that she was very, very wrong. This made her terrified.And, that's not all!The fact is, he already knew of her fault. go, run!Run, Meggie.Run away from here with his shattered self-esteem!As soon as she thought of this, she took action. She stood up from the chair and ran away. Before she could run into the porch, he grabbed her, and the momentum of her running made her turn sharply and hit him, knocking him twice.The agonizing struggle to preserve the perfection of his soul, the long repression of the will by the will, were of no consequence;All those powers are dormant, dormant; he needs the growth and pervasiveness of a chaotic state in which the intellect is subdued to the passions, and the powers of the intellect are extinguished in the passions of the flesh.

She threw her arms around his neck, and his arms hugged her back convulsively.He bent his head, searched for her mouth with his own, and found it.Her mouth was no longer a hurtful, unpleasant memory, but real; the arms around him seemed unable to bear his departure; It's all gone; she's as mysterious as the dark night.Scarlet haunts memories and wishes, unpleasant memories and unpleasant wishes.He must have longed for this, for her all these years; he must have been trying to deny her power, trying not to think of her as a woman! He carried her to the bed, didn't they walk over?He thought that he must have carried her there, but he was not sure; it was just that she was already on the bed, and he was on the bed.Her skin was under his hands, his skin was under hers.oh god!My Meggie, my Meggie!How could they have brought me up to see you only from a childish point of view, as something sacrosanct? Time was no longer counted in hours, minutes, and seconds, but began to drift away from him, until it became meaningless, and there was only a deep feeling in the world that was more real than real time. scale.He could feel her, but he didn't feel that she was another entity.He wanted her to become eventually and forever a part of himself, a graft of him, not a symbiosis that always felt like she existed on its own.From then on, he could never say that he didn't know what it was like to have those protruding breasts and belly and buttocks, and the folds and gaps in the muscles.Indeed, she had been made for his, as he had been made for her. For 16 years, he controlled her and shaped her, but he never thought of what he was doing, let alone why he did it.He forgot that he once gave up on her, but another man gave her the ending, which was originally started by him.And for his own sake, always intended for him to taste the end, she is the source of his downfall, his rose, his creation, this is a dream, he would rather never come out of this dream Wake up in the midst of it; would rather never wake up, as long as he was a man and had a man's body.Oh.Dear God!I got it, I got it!I know why I took her for so long as an ideal and a child when she was grown up and Ran was not an ideal and a child.But why do you have to get this field to realize this truth? This is because, he thinks his purpose is not at least to be a man.His purpose is not a man, never will be a man; but something far greater, something beyond the destiny of merely being a man.However, his fate is here after all, under his hands, trembling slightly.Be ignited by his or her man.A man, always a man.God, can't you save me from this fate?I am a man and I will never be a god; living in the world to pursue divinity is nothing but an illusion.Do we priests aspire to become immortals?We categorically renounce an act that proves irrefutably that we are men. He put his arm around her head, and looked with tear-filled eyes at the calm, slightly shining face, at her Yasai rosebud mouth, slightly parted, panting, and weeping uncontrollably. The "ohhhhh" of surprise.Her arms and legs wrapped around him, like living ropes binding him to her, silky and strong, making him sway.He rested his chin on her shoulder, his cheek against the softness of hers, in the maddening, exasperating tension of a man wrestling with fate.His mind felt dizzy, lost, became a mass of blackness, lost its light; for for a moment it seemed to him that he was in the sun, and then the light faded, turned gray, and finally disappeared.This is to be a man, and he can no longer be.But that is not the source of the pain, the pain is in that last moment, that limited moment, in the silent and desolate realization that this ecstasy is dying.He couldn't bear to let her go.Now, while he had her, he could not bear to let go of her; he had made her for himself.So he hugged her as tightly as a drowning man in a desolate sea hugs a stump of a mast.A moment later, in a similarly rapid orgasm, his spirits rose again and he succumbed to his enigmatic fate again.This is the fate of man. What is sleep?Meggie didn't know.Is it a blessing in life, a respite?Is it a dead imitation?Is it a necessary nuisance?Whatever it was, I couldn't resist it anyway and fell asleep.He lay there with his arms around her and his head on her shoulder.He even fell asleep and was possessive.She was tired too, but she didn't want to let herself fall asleep.Somehow, she felt, once she loosened the grip on her consciousness, when he regained it again, he would disappear from her consciousness.She could not fall asleep until he woke up and the silent, beautiful mouth spoke the first few words.What would he say to her?Will he regret it?Could the happiness she gave him be worth what he had thrown away?For so many years he had wrestled with this joy, and had let her wrestle with him; she could hardly bring herself to believe that he had given in at last.But, because of this night, and because of the pain that his long-standing rejection of her no longer existed, he had something to say. She was happiest, happier than any pleasure she could remember.From the moment he pulled her back from the door, things became a poetic touch, a gesture of arms and hands and skin and sheer joy.I was born for him, and only for him...that's why I have such little affection for Luke!As it turned out, with him pushing the limits of endurance on her body, all she could think was that she was giving him everything; it was bigger than life to her.He will never regret it, never.Oh his pain!There were times when she seemed to feel the pain literally, as if it were her own, so as to contribute to her sense of pleasure; there was some just retribution in her pain. He woke up; she looked down into his eyes and saw in those blue eyes that love was still there.This love had warmed her and given her will since childhood.There was also a deep, vague weariness in his eyes, not of the body but of the soul. He was thinking that he had never in his life woke up to see another person sleeping in the same bed.In a sense, it made him feel more intimate than the previous sexual behavior, deliberately showing an emotional connection with her, showing an attachment to her.It's like the light and empty air full of the smell of the sea, like the flowers and trees under the sun, so intoxicating.For a while he seemed to soar on a pair of wild, uninhibited wings: one from the relief of giving up the commandment to wrestle with her, the other from giving up the long struggle. And unbelievably the calm after this damn fight.He found surrender much sweeter than fighting.Ah, but I fought a hard fight with you, my Meggie!In the end, however, it is not the pieces of you that I must glue together, but the fragmented whole of myself. You came into my life and showed me how false and presumptuous the pride of a priest like myself is.Like Venus I longed to ascend where only God could exist, and like Venus I descended.Before Mary Carson, I remained pure, obedient, even poor.But, before this morning, I had no idea what humility is.Good God, it might be easier to bear if she meant nothing to me.However, I sometimes feel that I love her more than I love you.That's part of your punishment.I never doubted her, and you?But a hoax, a ghost, a clown, how can I love a clown?Yet I love it. "If I can pull myself together, I'm going to take a swim and make breakfast," he said, desperate for something to say.He felt her smile against his chest. "Just go swimming, I'll make breakfast. You don't have to wear anything here, and no one will come." "What a paradise!" He turned his legs and left the bed.He sat up and stretched. "It's a beautiful morning. I don't know if it's a good sign." Just because he left the bed already caused her the pain of separation.She lay watching him as he made his way to the door on the beach, went outside, and paused again.He turned around and held out a hand. "Come with me? We can have breakfast together." The tide is high, the reef has been submerged, the sun is very hot in the early morning, but the constant sea breeze is very cool.Blades of grass hang low over the fading sand that is no longer recognizably a beach, where crabs and insects scurry for food. "I feel like I've never seen the world before," he said, focusing on the front. Meggie took his hand; an idea occurred to her.Discover that everything under the sun is more unpredictable than the dim reality of night.Her eyes stopped on him, and she felt very painful. When she was in a different mood, the world seemed different. So, she said, "The previous world is not our world, don't you think? This is our world, as long as it lasts." "What kind of man is Luke?" he asked over breakfast. She tilted her head and thought about it. "Outwardly, I don't resemble you as much as I could have thought. I missed you so much in those days and haven't gotten used to living without you. I believe I married him because he reminded me of you. Anyway So, I was determined to marry someone, and he was better than everyone else. I don't mean this person is valuable, good-looking, or any other kind of satisfaction that women think they should find in their husbands. In a sense, it's hard for me to confirm anything, but what I can confirm is that he looks like you. He doesn't need a woman either." His face twitched. "Meggie, is that how you see me?" "I guess so. I'll never understand why. But I think so. There's something in Luke and you. It's a sign of weakness to think you need a woman. I don't mean Sleeping together, I mean need, really need." "Even if you admit this, do you still want us?" She shrugged and smiled pityingly. "Oh, Ralph! I don't mean it's unimportant; it would make me unhappy, of course, but that's the way it is. I'm a fool to waste my time when I can't get rid of your thoughts, Trying to eradicate it, the best thing I can do is to exploit this weakness rather than ignore it. Because I have wants and needs too. On the surface, I want and need people like you and Luke, and maybe I don’t. I should have spent myself on the two of you as I am now. I should have married someone who was kind, kind, and down-to-earth like Daddy, someone who really wanted me and needed me. But I thought, every There's something Samson in men, and it's in men like you and Luke. It's just more prominent in you." ①The characters in the Bible are famous for their physical strength. -- Annotation He didn't seem at all insulted; he smiled. "Clever Meggie!" "It's not cleverness, Ralph, it's just common sense. I'm not a very clever man at all, you know that. But look at my brothers. At least I doubt they will Marriage, whether they can even find a girlfriend. They are very shy, they are afraid that the power of a woman will override them, and they care about their mother." Time flies, day and night change.Even the downpours of summer are beautiful.Whether it is walking naked in the rain or listening to the sound of the rain hitting the iron roof, Xia Yu is also full of warm caress like the sun.They also went for walks when the clouds covered the sun, and they went to the beach and played in the water, and he was teaching her to swim. Sometimes, when he didn't know he was being watched, Meggie looked at him, trying to imprint his face on her mind.Because she remembered that, however much she loved Frank, his image, his face, had faded with the years.Here are his eyes, nose, mouth, the startling frosted temples on his black hair, his tall and strong body, which still maintains the slender and tense muscles of a young man, but the tips are a little stiff and not so flexible .He turned around and found that she was watching him, and there was still an inescapable sadness in his eyes, which was an expression of inescapable doom.She understood the implicit message, or rather, she thought she understood; the team must go away, and return to the church and his ministry.Perhaps, his attitude towards life will never be the same again, but it is more useful to him, because only those who have fallen and fallen understand the way of prosperity and decline. One day, they were lying on the beach.The pouring sun in the west dyed the sea water a blood red, and the coral sand was covered with a blurred yellow.He turned to her. "Meggie, I've never been so happy, or rather, I've never been so unhappy." "I understand, Ralph." "I'm sure you understand. Is that why I love you? Meggie, you don't try to be too out of the ordinary, and yet you're totally different. Did I realize that all those years ago? I think , as soon as I realized it. Look at my obsession with blonde hair! Little did I know where it was leading me. I love you, Meggie." "Are you leaving?" "Tomorrow, I must go. In less than a week my ship will be sailing for Genoa." ①A seaport city in Italy. -- Annotation "Genoa?" "To Rome actually, for a long time, maybe the rest of my life. I can't say." "Don't worry, Ralph, I'll let you go without any fuss, and my time is almost up. I'm leaving Luke and going home, back to Drogheda." "Oh dear, it's because of that, isn't it because of me?" "No, of course not." She lied. "I made up my mind before you came. Luke doesn't want me, doesn't need me. He doesn't miss me at all, but I need a home, a world of my own. Now I think, Drogheda will It's always going to be that kind of place. It just wasn't right for Justine growing up in a house where I was a housewife, although I know Annie and Ludy don't see me as a housekeeper. But I would. And When Justine grows up and realizes she doesn't have a normal home, she'll think the same way. In a way, she'll never love that life, but I'm going to do the best I can for her. So , I'm going back to Drogheda." "I'll write to you, Meggie." "No, don't write. Because after what I've been through, do I need letters? Between us, I don't need anything that could fall into the hands of unscrupulous people that could endanger you. Therefore, don't write." A visit to Drogheda would be natural and commonplace, if you could come to Australia. But I warn you, Ralph, to think twice before you do this, there are only two places in the world where you It's mine, better than God--here, Matlock and Drogheda." He pulled her into his arms, hugged her, and kissed her bright hair all over. "I wish with all my heart that I could marry you and never be separated from you again. I don't want to leave you... In a sense, I can never get rid of you again. I wish I hadn't come to Matlock But we can't change our relationship now, and maybe it's for the best. I've learned a lot about myself; if I hadn't come, I'm afraid I'd never have known it, or faced it. In competition, confidantes always Better than not knowing. I love you, always have always been and will always be, remember that." Mr Robb was here for the first time since he had brought Ralph here; he waited patiently while they said goodbye.Evidently they were not newlyweds, for he came later and left earlier than her.Nor is it a illicit lover.They were married; that was all evident.Still, they were deeply in love, deeply in love indeed.Just like him and his mistress, there is a big age difference, but it is a happy marriage. "Goodbye, Meggie." "Goodbye, Ralph, and watch yourselves." "I will, and you have to pay attention." He leaned down and kissed her; she clung to him despite her determination, but when he pushed her hand violently to kiss his neck, she put it firmly behind her back, and It's always been there. He got in the car, sat there when Rob swerved, and then stared out the windshield without looking back at her once.It's one of those rare men who can do that, Rob thought, without hearing a single charming word from him.In silence they made their way through the pouring rain, and at last they came to McMillac's Sea, onto the jetty; and when they shook hands, Rob looked in his face in amazement.He had never seen such manly, such mournful eyes.The indifference was forever gone from Archbishop Ralph's eyes. When Meggie returned to Blackmillhawk, Anne knew right away that she was going to lose Meggie.Yes, the same Meggie—but somehow, she was much better.No matter how much Archbishop Ralph had made up his mind before going to Matlock, in Matlock things ended up going according to Meggie's wishes, not his.In terms of time, the same is true. She held Justine in her arms, as if she only now understood what it meant to have Justine.She stood smiling, looking around the room, shaking the little thing.Her eyes met Anne's with such life and enthusiasm that Anne felt her own eyes fill with tears of the same joy. "I can't thank you enough, Anne." "Oh, thank you for what?" "Thank you for sending Ralph. You must know that would mean I'd be leaving Luke, and that's why I'm so grateful to you, dear. Oh, you didn't think what it would do to me! You know , I've made up my mind to live with Luke. Now, I'm going back to Drogheda, and I'm never leaving there." "I'd hate to see you go, especially Justine. But I'm happy for you both, Meggie. Luke will give you nothing but misfortune." "Do you know where he is?" "He's back from the Colonial Sugar Company. He's cutting sugar cane near Ingem." "I've got to see him and tell him. And, as much as I hate the thought of it, I'm going to sleep with him." "what?" Those eyes were shining. "It's been two weeks since I missed my period, and I've always been regular. I gave birth to Justine when I missed it. I'm pregnant, Annie, and I know what's wrong with me!" "My God!" Anne stared at Meggie dumbfounded, as if she had never seen through her before; maybe, she just didn't see through Meggie.She licked her lips and stammered, "It might have been a false alarm." But Meggie shook her head confidently. "Oh, no. I'm pregnant. There are some things people are very sure about." "If you are pregnant, you will suffer." She said coyly. "Oh, Anne, don't be confused! Don't you see what that means? I'll never have Ralph, I've always known I'll never have Ralph. But I have, Got it!" she laughed and hugged Justine so tightly that Anne was afraid the baby would cry, but strangely, she didn't. "I've got that part of Ralph that the Church will never take from him, that part of him that will go on from generation to generation. Through me, he'll live on because I know that's going to be a son! And That son will have sons, and they will have sons - I will conquer God. I have loved Ralph since I was 10, and I will still love him if I live to be 100. But he is not Yes, but his child is mine, mine, Anne, mine!" "Oh, Meggie!" said Annie resignedly. The passion and excitement passed; she was the familiar Meggie again.Quiet and gentle, but faintly showing a needle-like firm demeanor and the ability to bear many misfortunes.Anne walked cautiously now, wondering inwardly at the fact that she had sent Ralph de Bricassart to Matlock Island.Can anyone turn this situation around?Annie thought it was impossible.The thing must have existed in the first place, and it was so well hidden that it could never be suspected.There was more than just a faint iron-like firmness in Meggie's body, she was made of copper. "Meggie, if you love me with all your heart, can you remember something for me?" The corners of the gray eyes were puckered. "I'll do my best!" "Over the years, after I've read my own, I've basically skimmed Rudy's tomes. Especially the ones that record ancient Greek legends, because they fascinate me. People say that the Greek Man has a language that describes everything, and there is no human condition that the Greeks did not describe." "I know. I've read some of Rudy's books, too." "Don't you remember then? The Greeks said it was a perverse thing to love something from what the gods thought unreasonable. Do you remember? They said that when someone loves like this, the gods will Becomes jealous. And breaks the object of love when it blooms in full bloom. There's a lesson in that, Meggie. To love too deeply. It's blasphemous." "Profanity, Anne, that's on point! I won't love Ralph's boy blasphemy, but love him with the purity of a Madonna." 安妮那双棕色的眼睛显得十分凄切。啊，但她的爱是那样纯洁吗？她爱的对象①，在他风华正茂的时候被杀死了，不是吗？ ①指圣子耶稣，他是圣母的独子。 -- Annotation 梅吉把朱丝婷放进了摇床，"是那么回事。拉尔夫我得不到，我能得到他的孩子。我觉得……哦，就好像我的一生有了目的，这三年半来真是糟心透了。我当时已经开始认为我的生活没有目标了。"她果断地粲然一笑。"我要尽一切可能保护这孩子，不管我要付出多高的代价。首要的事情就是，任何人，包括卢克在内，都没有权利来怀疑他是我唯一有权给他取名字的人。和卢克睡觉的想法使我恶心，但我会去这样做的，倘若能有助于这孩子，我宁愿和魔鬼睡觉。然后，我将回家去，回德罗海达，并且希望我再也别见到卢克。"她从摇床转过身来，"你和路迪会去看我们吗？德罗海达总是为朋友们敞开大门的。" "一年去一次，只要我们活着，你就能每年见到我们的。我和路迪想看着朱丝婷长大。"