Chapter 17 Bad Joke-2

"Yes, Porfiry, please," the officer began, about to say something, "why, I have been meaning to ask you myself, why your surname is Pseldonimov and not Psevdonimo Husband? Perhaps your surname was Psevdonimov?" "I cannot say exactly, my lord," replied Pseldonimov. "It must be that his father made a mistake in the official papers when he went to office, so that his name is now Pseldonimov," agreed Akim Petrovitch. "It happens all the time." "Must-yes-yes," echoed the prefect enthusiastically, "must-yes-yes, because you can judge for yourself: the name Psevdonimov comes from the literary word 'pen name', and Pseldonimov doesn't mean anything."

"Because of stupidity, my lord," added Akim Petrovitch. "Why specifically say it's because of stupidity?" "My lord, the Russians are stupid. Sometimes they change the letters, and sometimes they say what they want. For example, they pronounce it VFNCEMK, but it should be pronounced WLNCEMK ('invalids'). " "Yo, yeah...WLNCEMK, hey-hey-hey..." "They read OXHFD too, my lord," said a tall officer abruptly.He was already itching in his heart, wanting to show off. "What does this OXHFD mean?" "Not OXHFD, but VXHFD('number'), my lord."

"Oops, not OXHFD...it's VXHFD...yeah, yeah... Hey-hey-hey! . . . " Ivan Ilyich smiled reluctantly at the officer's joke. The officer adjusted his tie. "They also said VMHG," said the editor of "Charcoal Fire Block" who wanted to join the conversation, but the adult tried not to listen to him, and laughed at everyone. "Not VMHG but OMHG ('from the side')" the editor continued angrily. Ivan Ilyich gave him a stern look. "Well, what are you talking about?" Pseldonimov whispered to the editor. "What do you mean, I'm talking, can't I even talk?" The editor argued in a low voice, but quickly shut his mouth and left the room angrily.

He slipped straight into the inviting room at the back.Already at the beginning of the ball, there, on a small table covered with a tablecloth, there are two types of vodka, herring, fish roe cubes and a bottle of strong wine from the state cellar for the male dancer.Furiously, he poured himself a glass of vodka.The shaggy-haired medical student who was the leading dancer and can-can at Pseldonimov's wedding ball rushed into the room, rushing eagerly and greedily at the bottle. "Start right away!" He said hastily, as if dictating: "Come and see, I will do a solo dance with my legs up in the air, and I will venture out to find a girl after the dinner... This is very suitable for the wedding, you can say It's a gesture of friendship to Pseldonimov... that Kleopatra Semyonovna is so lovely, I'd take a risk with her."

① A yellow dance in a French fairground. "That's a bigot," the editor replied sullenly, over his drink. "Who are the stubborn backward elements?" "That's the one with the Marmalade in front of him. A staunch backwardness! I'll tell you." "Hey, let's go!" murmured the medical student at the beginning of the quadrille, and hurried out of the room. The editor stayed alone.For refreshment and self-control, he poured another glass of vodka, drained it and ate something.Ivan Ilyich, the fourth civil servant, had never made himself such an enemy as the editor of "The Coal Block", especially the editor who, after drinking two glasses of vodka, could be so contemptuous, so angry, and so ruthless towards him.well!Ivan Ilyich did not expect such things to happen, and he did not expect much bigger things to happen, which would affect the further mutual relations of the guests with his lord.It happened as follows: on his part, although the reasons for attending the subordinate's wedding were properly and thoroughly explained, this explanation failed to satisfy anyone at all, and the guests remained uneasy.

But all of a sudden, as if possessed, everything changed; people relaxed and prepared to have fun, laughing, yelling, and dancing as if the intruder wasn't in the room at all.The reason for this was rumors, whispers, news that somehow spread suddenly, that the guest seemed to be... a little drunk.At first glance, this seemed a terrible slander, but gradually it seemed to be explained, and everything suddenly became clear.Moreover, it suddenly became very comfortable and comfortable.Just then, the last quadrille before the dinner began, and the medical student hurried to attend. Ivan Ilyich was just about to speak to the bride again, trying to upset her with puns, when suddenly the tall officer ran up to her and quickly knelt down on one knee.She immediately jumped up from the sofa and ran to dance with him as fast as she could.The officer didn't even offer an apology, and she walked away without glancing at him, as if glad to avoid him.

"Actually, she has that right," thought Ivan Ilyich, "and they don't know etiquette." Moff said, "Maybe, there is something about you... about the arrangement... or there is something... then please don't be polite." "Why is he watching me all the time, is he watching me?" language added. Pseldonimov craned his neck and stared at him with wide eyes, which made him feel more and more unbearable.In short, that was not the case, not at all, but Ivan Ilyich absolutely did not want to admit it. The quadrille begins. "My lord, what are your orders?" asked Akim Petrovitch, holding the bottle in both hands respectfully, preparing to pour your lord the wine.

"I... I really don't know, if..." But Akim Petrovich, with a respectful smile on his face, had already poured him champagne.After pouring him a glass, Akim Petrovich curled up quietly, like a thief, and poured himself a glass too, the only difference being that his own glass was only a finger's breadth full. To show respect.Sitting next to his immediate boss, he felt as uncomfortable as a mother in labor.What should I say?From a duty point of view, he also needs to please this lord, because he has the honor to work with him.Champagne is a good idea, and grown-ups like him to serve, not because of the champagne itself - it's just a warming commonplace, but a spiritual pleasure.

"The old man wants to drink himself," thought Ivan Ilyich, "and that's why he dared not refrain from filling me. Why should he be prevented? . . . That's ridiculous." He took a sip and thought it was better than sitting like this. "You know, I'm here," he said emphatically, after a pause, "I'm here, so to speak, by accident, and of course some people might think that... I...for example, it's—dis—dignified to attend a wedding like this. .” Akim Petrovitch was silent, listening timidly and curiously. "But I hope you can understand why I'm here . . . I'm not here to drink, you know. Hey-hey!"

Akim Petrovich wanted to laugh a little after your Excellency, but he stopped talking for some reason, and did not even say a word of comfort. "I am here, so to speak, for encouragement ... spiritually, for a purpose," continued Ivan Ilyich.He complained of Akim Petrovich's dullness of mind, but suddenly fell silent himself.Seeing poor Akim Petrovich even lower his eyes in guilt, he drank another draught, a little apprehensively.Akim Petrovitch took the bottle and poured it for him again, as if only in this way would he be free. "You are helpless," thought Ivan Ilyich, looking sternly at poor Akim Petrovitch.Akim Petrovitch, feeling the stern gaze of the chief, decided to remain silent without lifting his eyes.They sat there facing each other for a minute or two, two painful minutes for Akim Petrovich.

Now for Akim Petrovich.He was as gentle as a hen, accustomed to be servile, and yet kind, even very noble.He was a Russian from Petersburg, that is to say, his father and grandfather were born and raised in Petersburg, served in Petersburg, and never left.This is a very special kind of Russian.They know very little about Russia, and are not disturbed by it.Their whole being was confined to Petersburg, and chiefly to their posts.Their whole mind is occupied with the cards, the store, and the wages.They don't know anything about Russian customs, songs, besides the tune, and because it's played on the hurdy-gurdy.However, there are two important and reliable characteristics by which you can immediately distinguish a real Russian from a Petersburg Russian.The first feature is that all Petersburg Russians without exception do not speak the Petersburg Bulletin, but always the Academy of Sciences Bulletin; the second and equally important feature is that the Petersburg Russians never use the The word "breakfast" is always replaced by the word "breakfast", especially when the word "rice" is pronounced heavily.You can always tell them apart based on these two fundamental characteristics.In short, this is an easy-going personality that has finally formed during the last thirty-five years.However, Akim Petrovich was not stupid at all, and if the officer asked him something suitable, he would answer it and continue the conversation, otherwise it would be unseemly for a subordinate to answer such questions, although Ah Kim Petrovitch was eager to know in detail what your lordship's real intentions were. However, Ivan Ilyich was getting more and more lost in thought, in whirlwinds of thought; in his absent-mindedness he was unconsciously drinking more and more.Akim Petrovitch was at once very eager to pour him wine.Both were silent.Ivan Ilyich began to watch the dancing, which soon aroused his interest.Suddenly one ① at that time the "Petersburg Bulletin" was published by the Academy of Sciences. The situation took him by surprise... The dance went on very happily.People only want to have fun in their hearts, and even want to have fun.There are quite a few people who can dance, but those who can't dance try to beat the beat, making others think that they can dance too.It was the officer who stood out the most. He especially likes to dance alone.At this time, he bent over amazingly, that is to say, his whole body was as straight as a telegraph pole, and he suddenly turned to one side. You thought he would fall, but, with another movement, his body turned to the other side, forming an oblique angle with the ground. .With a serious face, he danced confidently, convinced that everyone would be amazed at him.At the beginning of the second dance, the other male partner fell asleep next to the female partner. Since he was drunk before the quadrille began, his partner had to dance alone.The young sender dances with his female partner in an azure turban, and in every dance, in the five dances of the evening, he always does the same thing: he always moves a little slower than his partner, He grabbed the corner of his partner's headscarf, and when they faced each other, he hurriedly blew kisses on the corner of the headscarf. His female partner floated in front of him, seemingly unaware.The med student literally performed the messy dance, causing a frenzy of revelry, stomping, and squeals of satisfaction.In short, unrestrained reached the apex.Ivan Ilyich was drunk, and he began to laugh, but slowly a painful doubt crept into his heart: of course he liked to be free and unrestrained, and when they drew back he wished, even sincerely hoped, to be unrestrained, but Now that freedom has gone out of the way. For example, the woman in the battered fourth-hand blue velvet dress pinned to the skirt during the sixth dance, which turned out to be wearing trousers.This woman was Kleopatra Semyonovna, with whom, according to her partner, a medical student, she could have a chance.As for the medical student, there is nothing to say, he is an out-and-out "Fu Jin" ①.What's the matter?It might seem inconsequential that people recoil and suddenly come alive, but there is something strange about this performance: it foreshadows a thing.They seemed to have forgotten that there was such a person as Ivan Ilyich.Of course he was the first to laugh, and even dared to applaud.Akim Petrovich echoed respectfully and giggled. In fact, although he was so happy on the surface, he did not expect that a new pain was already growing in the heart of the grown-up. "You dance very well, young man," Ivan Ilyich said awkwardly to the medical students who passed by after a dance. The student suddenly turned around and made a grimace, and brought his face closer to the adult, unseemly, and made a rooster crow at the top of his voice.This is going too far.Ivan Ilyich got up from the table.Although he stood up, he couldn't stop laughing, because the sound of the rooster was too similar, and the grimace was too unexpected.Ivan Ilyich was still standing inexplicably, when Pseldonimov came up suddenly and invited him to dinner.His mother came after him. "My lord," she said while saluting, "please do me a favor, don't think we are poor..." "I... I really don't know..." Ivan Ilyich began, "I didn't go because... I... I wanted to go..." Indeed, he had his hat in his hand.Moreover, at this very moment, he was determined to leave immediately, no matter what, he would never stay...but he stayed. He went at once to the table.Pseldonimov and his mother were the first to introduce him to Fokkin, the protagonist of the cancan, a very popular dancer in Petersburg in the early sixties. road.He was arranged to sit on the table, and a new bottle of champagne was placed in front of him.Snacks include herring and vodka.He reached for himself a large glass of vodka and drank it dry.Before, he had never drank vodka.He felt as if he were rolling down a hill, flying, flying, flying, trying to stop, grab something, but there was nothing he could do. Really, his situation was getting more and more strange, besides, it was some kind of mockery of fate.God knows what happened to him this hour.When he entered the room he was, so to speak, embracing all mankind, all his staff; but, before an hour had elapsed, he felt and knew with great pain that he hated Pseldonimov, cursed Him, his wife, and his wedding.Moreover, he could see from his face and eyes that Pseldonimov hated him too, looked at him and almost said: "I hope you go away, damn it! A burden! . . . " From Pseldonimov He had already seen this meaning in Nimov's eyes. Of course, even now, sitting at the table, Ivan Ilyich would rather cut off a hand than admit it (not only not aloud, but even to himself), and that was all it really was.Not a minute had passed, and now he had some kind of balance mentally.But his heart, heart...how painful!It needs relaxation, it needs air, it needs rest.After all, Ivan Ilyich was too kind. You know, he knew, very well, that he should have gone, not just gone, but escaped.He also knew all too well that all of a sudden it was not what it was, not at all what he had imagined it to be walking down the sidewalk not so long ago. "Why did I come here? Did I come here to eat and drink?" he asked himself as he ate herring.He even gave a negative answer. There is often ridicule in my heart for this kind of behavior.He was starting to wonder even himself why he really came here. But how to go away?It's not okay to walk away without it being over. "What are people going to say? They're bound to say that I like to visit dubious places. If the purpose is not fulfilled, it will be so. For example, tomorrow (because it will spread everywhere) Stepan, Semyon, What will they say in the office, the Shenbeier family, and the Shubin family? No, I must let them all understand the purpose of my coming, and I must show my spiritual purpose before I can leave..." However, the good opportunity is no longer there . "They don't even respect me anymore," he continued thinking. "What are they laughing at? They're so unrestrained, like heartless people. . . Yes, I've expected the whole younger generation to be heartless! I'm going to stay anyway! They're dancing now, and they'll be together soon Come to the table...I'll talk about problems, about reforms, about the greatness of Russia...and I'll charm them! Yes! Maybe there's nothing to lose at all...Maybe in fact it will always be Yes. What should I start with to attract them? What means should I use? I'm at a loss, really at a loss...what do they need, what do they ask for...I see them laughing...are they laughing at me God! What do I need? Why do I come, why don't I leave, what do I want..." He was thinking, a sense of shame, a deep and uncomfortable sense of shame was tearing his heart more and more. However, everything is going on as usual, one after another. Two minutes had passed since Ivan Ilyich had sat down at the table when a dreadful thought haunted his whole being.He suddenly felt very drunk, that is to say, not as before, but dead drunk.The reason for this was a glass of vodka just after the champagne, which had an immediate effect.He felt weak all over.Of course, his arrogance multiplied, but he was still sane, and shouted at him: "It's not good, it's not good, it's even completely disrespectful!" Of course, those volatile thoughts after drinking can't stay on one point: Suddenly two aspects came to mind that even he felt himself: on the one hand, the arrogance, the desire to succeed, the overcoming of obstacles, and the overwhelming confidence that he could get it; "What will they say? How will this end? What will happen tomorrow? Tomorrow, tomorrow! ..." At first, he somehow secretly had a premonition that his opponents were already among the guests. "It must be because I was drunk," he thought with painful suspicion.How frightened he was now, when he was sure, by some definite omen, that there was his opponent at this feast, and beyond doubt! "For what! For what!" he thought. There were about 30 people sitting on the banquet table, some of them had finished their meal, some of them were presumptuous, yelling, talking loudly, toasting in advance, or throwing crumbs at each other with the female guests.There was an ugly male guest in a greasy gown who fell off his chair as soon as he sat down and didn't get up until the end of the dinner.Another person wanted to climb up to the table to toast, but the officer grabbed the back of his jacket to stop his premature frenzy.Although a serf from a general's family was hired as cook, the dishes were very ordinary: fish jelly, potato ox tongue, small pea patties, then goose, and finally milk almond cheese.Alcohol is beer, vodka, strong white wine.A bottle of champagne was placed before the gentleman alone, and Akim Petrovitch was obliged to pour it for him, for he could no longer take his own way at dinner.When other guests toasted, it was stipulated to drink mountain wine, or drink whatever they came across.The dining table is made up of many tables, including a card table.The table was covered with many tablecloths, one of which was a Yaroslavl sackcloth.Male and female guests are seated mixedly.Pseldonimov's mother was not present, but she was busily busy and in charge.But here came a vicious woman—she had never shown her face before, in a light red satin dress, her teeth were bandaged, and she wore a tall cap with hair wrapped around her.It turned out that she was the bride's mother, who finally agreed to come out from the back room to the dinner party.She had not come out until now because of an irreconcilable personal grievance between herself and Pseldonimov's mother.However, let's discuss this issue later.The woman looked at her boss viciously and even mockingly. Obviously, she was not happy to be introduced to him.Ivan Ilyich felt that this woman was extremely suspicious, but besides her, other people were also very suspicious. They gave people subconscious worry and uneasiness, and even made people feel that they were colluding for the sake of against him.At least that was how Ivan Ilyich himself felt, and he became more and more convinced of it during the whole dinner.Exactly so: the bearded gentleman, a liberal artist, was furious, and even glanced at Ivan Ilyich again and again, and then turned to whisper to his neighbor; the other was a student, indeed Drunk, but still showing signs of being suspicious; don't expect much from the medical student either; Hatred: He sits proudly, looks pompously, and laughs casually!The editor of Liberals who had published only four little poems in "The Coal Block" was dismissed by the other guests and even obviously disliked him, but when Ivan Ilyich was around When a crumb of bread crumbs suddenly fell from the side—it was clearly aimed at him, Ivan Ilyich would bet that it was thrown by no one but the editor of "The Coal Block". No doubt all this had an effect of pessimism on him. Also, observing is extremely unpleasant.Ivan Ilyich was convinced that his speech was beginning to be inarticulate and laborious, he wanted to say a lot, but his tongue could not move, and, suddenly, he seemed to lose consciousness, and what was worse, suddenly burst out laughing for no reason In fact, there is nothing ridiculous at all.This phenomenon disappeared quickly after drinking a glass of champagne.Although Ivan Ilyich had poured the glass himself, he did not want to drink it, and so he drank it quite suddenly and accidentally.After drinking, he almost wanted to cry.He felt that he was in the most grotesque of emotions.He began to love again, everyone, Pseldonimov, and the editor of The Coal Block.He suddenly wanted to embrace them all, to forget everything and make peace with them.At the same time, tell them frankly and honestly everything, everything, what a good and perfect man he is, what talents he has.How useful he will be to the country, how good at pleasing women, and what is more important, what a progressive man he will be, how lovingly sympathetic to all, to the lowest, and to end the conversation with a candid account of what made He attended Pseldonimov's wedding uninvited, drank two bottles of champagne, and had the motive of making Pseldonimov happy by his presence. "Indeed! It is true that the first thing is honesty! I will impress them with honesty. I see clearly that they will trust me; even if they now look at me with hatred, when I tell them everything, I will subdue them overwhelmingly.They'll fill their glasses and toast my health.I'm sure the officer would have smashed his glass on the spurs and even chanted "Ulla!"If they lifted me up in the hussar fashion, I wouldn't object to it, and would even feel quite comfortable.I will kiss the forehead of the bride, she is so lovely.Akim Petrovich was also a very good man.Of course, Pseldonimov will improve in the future.It can be said that he still lacks the elegance of high society... Of course, although the entire new generation does not yet have this polite sincerity, but ... but I will talk to them about the current mission of Russia among the other European powers, I will also talk about the peasant problem, and even ..., They will all like me, and I will go out in style! ..." All these fantasies are of course very pleasant, but there is also something unpleasant, that is, amidst these beautiful hopes, Ivan Ilyich suddenly discovered in himself an unexpected ability: good spitting .At least he completely disregarded his will, and a mouthful of phlegm flew out of his mouth.He found Akim Petrovich's phlegm spattered on his cheek.Akim Petrovitch remained seated out of politeness, not daring to wipe it off immediately.Ivan Ilyich took a napkin and wiped it off hastily himself.However, he immediately felt how absurd and fallacious it was to do so.He fell silent and began to be surprised.Akim Petrovitch, though he drank the wine, still sat there like a drowned rat.Ivan Ilyich realized only now that he had been talking to him for almost a quarter of an hour on one of the most interesting subjects, and that Akim Petrovitch seemed not only disturbed but also a little frightened while listening to him.Pseldonimov, who was separated from him by a chair, also stretched his neck towards him, listened with his head on one side, and showed the most disgusting look, as if he was indeed watching him.Ivan Ilyich glanced at the guests and saw many of them looking straight at him and laughing.But, very strangely, he was not at all embarrassed at this moment. On the contrary, he took another sip of his wine and suddenly spoke aloud. "I have already said it!" he said as loudly as possible, "gentlemen, I have just said to Akim Petrovich that Russia... yes, it is Russia... anyway, you understand what I mean ... I am convinced that Russia is dehumanizing, ..." "Humanity!" someone answered from across the table. "Uh-huh!" "Shhhhh!" Ivan Ilyich broke off the conversation suddenly.Pseldonimov got up from his seat and looked carefully: who was shouting?Akim Petrovich shook his head quietly a few times, as if to dissuade the visitor.Ivan Ilyich was well aware of this, but was painfully silent. "Humanity!" he continued obstinately, "just now... just now I told Stepan Niki-Ki-fo-rovitch... yes... that's called revival..." "My lord!" cried the man from the other side of the table. "Excuse me, what advice do you have?" Ivan Ilyich interrupted, trying to see who was shouting at him. "Nothing at all, my lord. I am very moved, please go on, go--go-speak!" said the same voice just now. Ivan Ilyich shuddered. "Like, revolutionizing these things..." "My lord!" The same voice shouted again. "What are you going to do?" "Really!" This time Ivan Ilyich was no longer restrained.He stopped talking and turned to the brawler.It was a very young student, very drunk and full of doubts.He yelled for a long time, even broke a glass and two saucers, and said that it seemed to be the right thing to do at a wedding feast.When Ivan Ilyich turned to him, the officer had begun to reprimand him sharply. "Enough, what are you shouting about? Listen, get out!" "Not about you, my lord, not about you! Go on, please!" cried the cheerful student, and sat down on his chair. "Go on, I'm listening, I'm--very-- —You speak! Praise, praise!" "It's a drunken student!" Pseldonimov suggested in a low voice. "I think he's drunk, but..." "I just told an interesting story, my lord!" began the officer, "about a lieutenant of our regiment who spoke to his superior in exactly this way. The student is imitating him now, repeating every word of his superior; Commendation, Commendation! He was fired for it ten years ago." "Where—the Lieutenant?" "Our team, my lord. He's just gone mad for saying praiseworthy words. At first he was advised in a gentle way, then he was arrested... The boss treated him like a parent and told him to repent, but he said to the boss : It is worthy of exaggeration, worthy of praise! Surprisingly, he is a very mighty man, nine inches tall. They tried to bring him to court, but found him insane. " "That is to say...he is a very naive person. You can't be so strict with such a naive person. I am going to give you forgiveness..." "It was medically diagnosed, my lord." "Why, have you dissected it?" "No way, he's alive, my lord." There was a resounding burst of laughter from the initially well-ordered guests, almost all over the audience.Ivan Ilyich was furious. ① One Russian inch is equal to.cm.An inch is a foot.According to the custom of the Russians, if a man and a horse exceed two arshin, the two arshin will be omitted. Here, nine arshin is omitted, and the actual height of the person is meters. "Gentlemen, gentlemen!" he cried, not stuttering at first, "I know very well that a living person cannot dissect. I think he is too insane to be living. . . . Dead... That's what I mean... You don't like me... And yet, I like you all... Yes, I love Po-Porfiry too... I'm saying this in a humble way... ..." At this moment, a large mouthful of YCEMNC flew out of Ivan Ilyich's mouth and landed on the most conspicuous place on the tablecloth.Pseldonimov hurried up to wipe it off with a napkin.This last misadventure ruined him completely. "Gentlemen, is this too much?" he cried in despair. "This man is drunk, my lord," Pseldonimov reminded again. "Porfiry! I see you . . . everybody . . . yes! I mean I hope . . . Ivan Ilyich was almost weeping. "My lord, how can I do that!" "Porfiry, I want you to... say, I'm here... yes... yes, to the wedding, I have a purpose. I want to improve spiritually... I want you to feel. I want You all said: Have I lowered my status in your eyes?" There was silence.Silence was the question, and silence was the answer to the decisive question. "Hey, what are you shouting at them, what are you shouting at them even now!" the thought flashed through the grown-up's mind.But the guests just exchanged glances.Akim Petrovich sat there half dead, while Pseldonimov, dumb with fright, was just talking to himself. French: phlegm. Repeating the dreaded question he knew all along: "What am I going to do with all this tomorrow?" The editor of "The Coal Block", who had been sitting somberly and silently, who had been drunk, suddenly turned his eyes to Ivan Ilyich, and answered on behalf of all present. "Yes!" he exclaimed, "yes, you are disgraced, yes, you are a backwardness...a backwardness!" "Young man, understand! Who are you talking to!" Ivan Ilyich yelled furiously, and jumped up from his seat. "Talk to you, and secondly, I'm not a young man... You're here to put on airs and show off." "Pseldonimov, what are you doing!" cried Ivan Ilyich. Pseldonimov jumped up in fright, bewildered like a log, and the guests were dumb in their seats.The artist and the student clapped their hands. The editor went on shouting furiously: "Yes, you're here to preach charity! You're a disappointment. You're drinking champagne, but don't think about how expensive that champagne is for a clerk who earns ten rubles a month." .I assume you're one of those bosses who teases the wives of his subordinates! Also, I think you take bribes...yes, yes, yes!" "Pseldonimov, Pseldonimov!" began Ivan Ilyich, holding out his hands to him.He felt that every word of the editor was a sharp sword pierced into his heart. "My lord, please don't worry!" Pseldonimov said forcefully, ran to the editor, grabbed him by the collar and dragged him away from the table.It is hard to imagine that the frail Pseldonimov possessed such strength.But the editor was drunk, while Pseldonimov was sober.Then Pseldonimov punched him in the back and pushed him out the door. "You're all scumbags!" cried the editor, "and I'm going to draw your caricatures tomorrow on The Charcoal Block!  …" 客人们一个个都从座位上跳起来。 “大人，大人！”普谢尔多尼莫夫和他母亲及几个客人围着长官叫喊道，“大人，请放心！” “不，不！”长官叫着，“我完了……我到这儿来……是想，可以说是来道喜的。就是这样，就是这样！” 他像没有知觉似地跌坐在椅子上。两手搁在桌上，头垂在手上恰好落到了牛奶杏仁酪盘子里。人们惊恐的模样就不必去描画了。过了一会，他站起来（显然是想走开），身子一晃，绊在椅子腿上便倒在地板上打起鼾来。 不喝酒的人偶尔一喝就醉是常有的事。他一直神智清醒，可后来忽然倒了下去仿佛被砍倒似地。伊万·伊里奇躺在地上完全失去了知觉。普谢尔多尼莫夫抓住自己的头发，就这样呆呆地一动不动。客人们慌忙散去，各人按照各人的理解解释所发生的事情。这时已经快到凌晨三点了。 主要的问题是普谢尔多尼莫夫的处境比所能想象到的还糟得多，虽然现在这种状况一点也不吸引人。伊万·伊里奇暂时仍躺在地上，普谢尔多尼莫夫站在他旁边，绝望地揪着头发的时候，让我们中断一下我们的这个故事，用几句话来谈一谈普谢尔多尼莫夫本人的情况。 就在他结婚前的一个月，他陷入了绝境。他出生在外省，父亲曾在那里供职，后来吃官司死在那里。普谢尔多尼莫夫在彼得堡整整奔波了一年，大约在婚前五个月，才弄到月薪十卢布的职位，身心才得以平复，但不久又为家境所困扰。普谢尔多尼莫夫一家只剩下他和母亲两人。母亲在丈夫死后离开了省城。母子俩一起挨冻，吃的是很糟的食物。常常过着这种日子：普谢尔多尼莫夫自己拿着杯子到丰坦卡河里去打水，在那里喝个饱。找到工作后，他和母亲才在贫民窟里马马虎虎安顿下来。母亲开始给人家洗衣服，而他积攒了三四个月才给自己添制了一双靴子和一件大衣。就是在自己的办公室里他也经受过多少难堪的场面：上司走上前来问他有多久没有上澡堂洗澡了？人们纷纷传说他的文官制服衣领下有一窝窝的臭虫。但他性格刚毅，而从外表上看他既温和又文静。他只受过很少教育。几乎从来没有听过他说话。我一点也不知道，他是否有过思考，是否有过计划，是否有过什么理想，但相反，他身上一种本能的、下意识的倔强决心正在形成：他决心摆脱这种低下的地位闯出一条新路来。他身上有一股蚂蚁般的顽强劲；如果把它们的巢毁了，它们立即又会重新去建造，毁了，又建造，就这样不疲不倦地进行。他是一个运筹帷幄、关心家事的人。从他的额头上可看出，他会闯出路子，会筑起一个窠来，甚至还能有点积蓄。全世界只有他的母亲是爱他的，而且爱得发疯。她是一个坚强、不知疲倦、能干活，同时又是心地善良的女性。如果不是碰到退休的九等文官姆列科皮塔耶夫，他们就会在贫民窟住下去，也许再住五六年直至境况的改变。姆列科皮塔耶夫曾任财务主任，以前在省城供职，最近才带着全家在彼得堡定居。他认识普谢尔多尼莫夫，普谢尔多尼莫夫的父亲曾有恩于他。他有钱，当然不会太多，但是有，究竟有多少，谁也不知道，无论他的妻子、大女儿或亲属都不知道。他有两个女儿，而他是一个十分刚愎自用的人、酒鬼、家庭暴君，此外，他是个病号。因此，忽然想起个主意要把一个女儿嫁给普谢尔多尼莫夫，他说，“我认识他，他父亲是个好人，儿子也会是好人。” 姆列科皮塔耶夫怎么想就怎么做，说到做到。这是个极端刚愎自用的人，他的大部分时间都是坐在安乐椅里度过的。疾病夺去了他的一条腿，使他成了残废，不过，这不妨碍他喝伏特加。他成天喝酒，骂人。他很凶，总不免要折磨人。为此，他将几个远房女亲戚收留在身边：他的一个有病而爱吵嘴的姐姐，他妻子的两个妹妹，也是又凶又多嘴的人；断了一根筋骨的老姑母。还养着一个食客——俄罗斯化的德国女人，她有给他说《天方夜谭》的才能。他的全部乐趣就是嘲弄这些不幸的寄居者，时刻对她们破口大骂，她们当面不敢回一句嘴，除开他生来就有牙病的妻子以外。他挑唆她们互相吵嘴，在她们中间制造和拨弄是非、纷争，而后，看到她们几乎要动武时，就哈哈大笑，欣喜若狂。当他的大女儿同军官丈夫过了十年穷苦生活后成了寡妇，带着三个幼小病儿归来时，他也喜不自禁。他容不了她的几个孩子，但是随着他们的到来增添了他每天试验的内容，所以这老头子还是很高兴的。这一大群恶妇和有病的孩子以及他们的折磨者，一同挤在彼得堡郊外的一所木屋里。他们常常是半饥半饱，因为那老头很吝啬，一个子儿一个子儿地给钱，虽然他自己不吝啬喝伏特加；她们睡眠不足，因为老头子患失眠症，需要她们排遣。总之，所有这一切使得她们穷苦度日，使得她们诅咒自己的命运。就在这时，姆列科皮塔耶夫看中了普谢尔多尼莫夫，他对他的长鼻子和谦恭的样子感到惊讶。孱弱而不好看的小女儿当时正满十七岁。她虽然上过德国HXBF①，但在那里，除了字母以外几乎什么也没有学到。她在残废和酗酒的父亲的拐杖下，在家庭诽谤、窥视和谗言中成长，一副营养不良的病态样子。她从来没有朋友，也没有头脑，早就想嫁人。在外人面前她胆怯得不敢说话，但在家中，她对母亲及寄食者则是凶恶的，像锥子那样锋利。她特别爱拧她姐姐的孩子并对他们拳脚相加，密告他们偷吃糖和面包，因而在她和她姐姐之间常常引起无休无止的吵骂。老头子个人主张她嫁给普谢尔多尼莫夫。虽然他很穷，但要求给他点时间考虑。他和他母亲踌躇了好久，但是，还是把那所房子的房产转到了新娘名下，虽然是个极差的木头平房，但还是值几个钱的。此外，还给了她四百卢布——你自己什么时候能积攒到这么多的钱呢？“我为什么要招一个男人到家里来呢？”顽固的酒鬼喊道，“第一，因为你们全是娘们，而我讨厌娘们。 我要让普谢尔多尼莫夫听我的吩咐，因为我是他的恩人。第二，我这样做就是要使你们都不高兴，都生气，我就是要和你们作对。我说了就一定会做到！而你，波里菲里，她做了你的妻子后，你就打她，她生来就有许多魔鬼附身，把它们①法语：学校。 赶走，我给你预备一根拐杖……” 普谢尔多尼莫夫一言不发，但他已经拿定主意。还在婚礼前他和他的母亲就被接来了，让他们洗得干干净净的，给了他们衣服、鞋袜和结婚用款。老头子所以优待他们，也许正是由于全家人都憎恨他们。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲甚至很得他的欢喜，所以他克制着，没有欺侮她。不过，在婚前一周，他让普谢尔多尼莫夫跳了跳卡扎乔克舞①。“喂，行了，我只是想看看，你在我面前是不是会忘乎所以，”他在他跳完舞后说。他给了他刚够支应婚礼的一笔钱，请来了所有的亲戚朋友。普谢尔多尼莫夫这一方面所请的仅有《炭火块》编辑和贵宾阿基姆·彼得罗维奇。普谢尔多尼莫夫很清楚，新娘嫌弃他，她十分愿意的是嫁给那个军官而不是嫁给他。但他对一切都忍耐着，并劝说他母亲也这样。婚礼的整个白天和晚上，老头子都在骂着脏话，酗酒。由于举行婚礼，全家人都躲到后屋，挤在那里直到天黑。前屋预备作跳舞和晚宴用。 晚上十一点左右，老头子喝得烂醉，睡着了。新娘的母亲这一天特别爱向普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲发脾气，这时终于决定息怒，并出席舞会和晚宴。伊万·伊里奇的出现使一切都变了样，姆列科皮塔耶娃感到很难堪、觉得受了侮辱，于是破口大骂，为什么不事先告诉她邀请了长官。人们劝她，说他是自己来的，是不请自来的，可她蠢得不愿相信。香槟酒被认为是必不可少的。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲只有一卢布，而他自己连一个戈比也没有，不得不向凶恶的老太婆苦苦哀求①卡扎乔克舞是源于哥萨克人的一种速度逐渐加快的民间舞蹈。 借钱买了一瓶，而后又买了一瓶。他们向她说明，这关系着普谢尔多尼莫夫官场的未来、功名的前途，经过劝说，她终于拿出了私房钱，但也让普谢尔多尼莫夫吃尽了苦头，使他一次又一次跑进新房去，默默地揪着自己的头发，一头扑倒在准备作天堂美梦的喜床上，由于无可奈何的愤恨而全身发抖。yes!伊万·伊里奇可不知道，这晚上他喝掉的两瓶香槟需要多少钱啊！这场婚礼被伊万·伊里奇弄到如此的结局时，普谢尔多尼莫夫心中多么恐惧、苦恼，甚至绝望啊！一桩桩的烦恼事又浮现在他的眼前，任性的新娘的尖叫和眼泪、糊涂的岳母娘也许会通宵责备。即使不责备，他的脑袋也已经痛起来了，烟雾和昏暗也已经弄得他两眼昏花了。可这时伊万·伊里奇还得他去照料。现在已是凌晨三点，该请个大夫，或找辆四轮轿式马车送他回家。一定要一辆四轮轿式马车，因为送这样的人物是不能用那种万卡①出租马车的。可雇辆马车又到哪儿去借钱呢？长官在晚宴上既没有同姆列科皮塔耶娃说上两句话，甚至也不看她一眼，她为此十分气忿，已声明她一个戈比也没有。也许她真的一个钱也没有了。上哪儿去借？How to do it?Yes!他是有原因揪头发的。 暂时已经把伊万·伊里奇转送到餐室的一张小皮沙发上了。当人们在收拾饭桌把一张张桌子移开时，普谢尔多尼莫夫正往各处去借钱，甚至试图向仆人借，但谁也没有。他又想碰碰运气向阿基姆·彼得罗维奇借，他比别人逗留得久。虽说他是个善良的人，但一听说借钱，他就莫名其妙，甚至惊①旧俄对驽马拉的载客马车的俗称。 吓不已，说了一大堆使人料想不到的废话。 “下一次我一定乐意借钱，”他含糊地说，“但是这一次……说实话，得请你原谅我了……” 说完他就抓起帽子急急忙忙走了。只有那个说圆梦书的青年有同情心，还能帮上忙，即使还不到时候。他比别人留的时间长，真正同情普谢尔多尼莫夫的遭遇。最终，普谢尔多尼莫夫和他的母亲及那个青年共同商定不去请大夫，最好去叫辆四轮轿式马车把醉人送回家。而在找到马车之前，暂时试用一些简便方法，例如用凉水敷太阳穴和头部，用冰敷头顶等。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲开始做这些事。那个青年飞也似地去找马车，因为是在彼得堡郊外，又是深更半夜时候，连出租马车也没有了，于是他跑到很远的车行去租，把车夫都叫醒来。开始讨价还价，他们说，这种时候租四轮轿式马车就是五卢布也不够，不过还是同意了三卢布。但是，将近四点左右那青年坐着租来的马车回来时，他们早已改变了主意。原来是伊万·伊里奇仍然神智不清，疼痛难忍，呻吟不止，辗转不安，在这种情况下送他回家是绝对不行的，甚至是危险的。 “这会是什么结果呢？”已经完全不知所措的普谢尔多尼莫夫说。How to do it?新的问题又来了：如果把病人留下来，那么把他安顿到哪儿呢？全家仅有两张双人床：一张大的双人床，是姆列科皮塔耶夫夫妇的，另一张是新买的胡桃木的，是新郎新娘用的，所有其他住户，或者确切点说是女住户，都睡在地板上，横七竖八，多数人睡在羽毛褥子上，那些褥子都有些破烂，散发着一股臭味，也就是说太不像样子，而且刚够那些人用，几乎没有多余的。把病人安顿到哪里去呢？褥子大概还可找到一床——万不得已时可以从中抽出一床来。但是铺在什么地方、摆到什么上面呢？看来，只有铺在客厅里了。因为这间屋子离家人的住地最远，而且有一扇单独的门。可是铺在什么上面呢？难道铺在椅子上吗？大家知道，只有给那些周末回家度假的中学生才把被子铺在椅子上，而对于像伊万·伊里奇这样的人物，这样做是十分不恭敬的。如果第二天他发现自己睡在椅子上，他会说什么呢？ 普谢尔多尼莫夫不希望听到那些话。只有一个办法了：把他安排到新娘床上。我们已经说过，这新娘床在紧挨餐室的一个小房间里，床上铺着新购来而未用过的双人褥垫，干净的床单，四只粉红色细棉布枕头，外罩镶褶边薄纱套子；被子是绣花粉红色缎子的；从金环里垂下来薄纱帐子。总之，一切都很完美，差不多都去看过卧室的客人们，都称赞它的陈设。新娘虽然讨厌普谢尔多尼莫夫，但在晚宴时好几次悄悄地跑进新房去看过。当她听说，要把染上类似霍乱的病人放到喜床上时，她感到多么气愤和恼恨！新娘的母亲为女儿抱不平，大骂，说第二天要告诉她丈夫；但是，普谢尔多尼莫夫显示权威坚持要那样做，于是伊万·伊里奇被抬进去了，而把新郎新娘安排到客厅的椅子上。新娘哭哭啼啼，准备去闹，但又不敢不听话：因为她父亲有一根她很熟悉的拐杖，而且她也知道，她父亲明天一定会要求她详细报告的。为了安慰她，他把粉红被子和薄纱枕头给了她。这时，青年坐着马车回来了；当得知不需马车时，他十分惊惶，他必须自己付车费，而他口袋里还从来没有过十戈比。普谢尔多尼莫夫声明他已身无分文。大家试图劝导车夫，但他闹起来，甚至敲打栅栏门。我不甚了解这是如何了结的，好像是那青年像囚犯似地坐着那马车上佩斯基圣诞四街去，那里有一个学生在熟人处留宿，试着把他叫醒，问他是否有钱？当新郎新娘在客厅里安置停当、闩上房门时，已是凌晨四点多钟了。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲在病床旁守护一整夜。她睡在地毯上，用皮袄蒙着头，但也不能入睡，因为她不时要爬起来：伊万·伊里奇的肠胃十分糟。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲是位刚毅、宽厚的女性，她给他脱衣、摘帽，像对待亲生儿子那样服侍他，整晚不断地把便盆通过走廊送出去拿进来。然而，这一夜的灾难还远远没有终结。 新郎新娘被安置在客厅里不过十分钟，那里忽然传来撕心裂肺的叫声，不是高兴的喊叫，而是极为令人不安的声音。 随即又是一阵喧哗和仿佛椅子落下的碎裂声。刹时间，一大群衣衫不整的女人唉声叹气、神色惊慌地闯进还是黑漆漆的屋里。那些女人中有新娘的母亲，有这时丢下生病的孩子的姐姐，三个姑妈和姨妈，连断了一根筋骨的姑母也勉强来了。 女厨娘也在这里，那个会讲故事的德国女人也跟着一起来了。 硬是从她那里把她个人的羽毛褥子抽给了新郎新娘，那是这屋里最好的、她唯一的私产。这些为数众多、有预见的女人，被一种无法解释的好奇心所驱使，早在一刻钟前就踮着脚从厨房里穿过走廊悄悄地钻进前厅去窃听。这时，有人急忙点燃了腊烛，出现在大家面前的是出乎意外的情景：椅子承受不住双倍的重量，而且仅仅从边缘支撑着宽大的褥子，于是散架了，褥子便从椅子间塌落到地板上。新娘气得抽抽搭搭地哭；这一次她委曲得伤心透了。精神沮丧的普谢尔多尼莫夫像暴行被当场揭穿的罚犯一样站着，他甚至不想为自己辩解。四面八方传来一声声的哀叹和尖叫。普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲听到喧哗声也跑过来，但是，这一次新娘的母亲完全占了上风。起初，她对普谢尔多尼莫夫进行奇怪的最不公正的责备：“我的老天爷，出了这种事，往后你会是个什么丈夫呀？ 我的老天爷，这次丢丑后你能有什么用呀？”如此等等。最后，她抓住女儿的手，带她离开丈夫回去了，准备明天亲自负责向凶狠的父亲作解释。其余的人跟在她的后面一边叹息一边摇头地走开了。只有母亲留在普谢尔多尼莫夫那儿，想要安慰他，不过，他马上催她走开了。 他顾不上宽慰，艰难而缓慢地走到沙发跟前，忧心忡忡地坐下去，因为他光着脚，穿着一件必不可少的内衣。思绪一个接一个交织着，脑子里杂乱如麻。有时他无意识地环视屋子四周，那里跳舞的人刚刚还在疯疯癫癫，那里空气中刚刚还飘动着缕缕烟雾。地板上到处是烟头、糖纸，一片狼藉。 喜床的倒塌以及翻倒的椅子证明世间最美好、最可靠的希望和理想的破灭。他这样坐着几乎有一小时之久。愈来愈沉痛的心思萦绕在他的脑海里，比如，工作上等待他的将会是什么呢？他痛苦地意识到，无论如何要改换任职单位，昨晚的事情发生后留在原地是不可能的了。他想起了姆列科皮塔耶夫，也许明天他会要他再跳一次卡扎乔克舞，以便检验他的温顺性。他也想起，姆列科皮塔耶夫虽然给了他五十卢布办婚礼，而且已经全部花光，但那陪嫁的四百卢布却还没有想过要给的，甚至连提也不提了。而且那所房子还没有正式办好过户手续。他也想到了妻子，她在他一生中最困难的时候抛弃了他；他也想到，那个给他妻子下跪的高个子军官。这一点他已经注意到了；他还想过、附在他妻子身上并由她自己父亲证实过的魔鬼，以及那根预备用来驱魔的拐杖……当然，他觉得自己能够忍受一切，但是，命运最终却是如此的结局，他终于怀疑起自己的能力了。 普谢尔多尼莫夫就这样沉浸在悲痛中。蜡烛头快要燃尽。 闪烁的烛光直射在普谢尔多尼莫夫的侧身上，把他巨大的身影映照在墙壁上：长脖子，鹰钩鼻，两绺头发竖起在前额和后脑勺上。后来，吹来一阵清晨的凉风，他站起来，冻得浑身发抖，四肢麻木。他走到横躺在椅子中间的褥子前，不加整理，不吹灭烛光，甚至也不垫枕头，爬到褥垫上就睡着了。 睡得那样沉，那样死，也许第二天将赴刑场的犯人才会那样。 从另一个角度说来，伊万·伊里奇在可怜的普谢尔多尼莫夫的喜床上所经历的痛苦之夜，有什么能与之相比呢！有时候头痛、呕吐以及其他难以忍受的折磨一刻也没有离开过他，这是地狱般的痛苦。虽然他的脑子刚刚清醒过来，使他看到那么多的恐惧，那么阴森、厌恶的画面，还是不清醒为好。不过，他的脑子里还是乱糟糟的。比如，他认出了普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲，听她善意的劝说，诸如：“忍忍吧，亲爱的，忍忍吧，我的老天爷，忍一忍就会好起来的，”他认得出来，但就是在逻辑上一点也弄不清她在自己身旁。在他的眼前经常出现讨厌的幽灵：最常看见谢苗·伊万诺维奇，但仔细端详，发现那根本不是谢苗·伊万诺维奇，而是普谢尔多尼莫夫的鼻子。那个自由主义艺术家、那个军官及那个面颊扎着绷带的老太婆都在他眼前闪过。最刺激他的是悬在他头顶上的那个挂窗帘的金环，借着屋子里昏暗的烛光，他看清了那环子，并且总想弄明白：那环子是做什么用的？为什么会在这儿？是什么用意？他问了老太婆好几次，但很显然，他说出来的话不是他想说的话，而且看来，不论他怎么拚命解释，她还是不明白他说的话。在天快亮时发作终于停止了，他也睡着了，睡得很熟，没有做梦。他睡了大约一个小时。当他醒来时，他差不多完全清醒了，感到头痛难忍，舌头变得像块呢子，上面有一股难闻的气味。他坐在床上，张目四望，然后思索起来。从百叶窗缝透过来的淡淡的晨曦像一条窄小的带子在墙上颤动着。大约是早晨七点左右了。但是当伊万·伊里奇忽然记起并明白昨晚他所发生的一切；记起晚宴上的一件件遭遇，自己OCLPMDGNCLLZ[①举动，宴席上的讲话；异常清晰地马上记起一切：现在要怎样才能摆脱出来，对于他人们现在在说什么，在想什么，当环视四面，最后发现，他把自己下属好端端的喜床弄得那么糟糕不成样子时，——啊，这时极端的耻辱和痛苦溢满他心间，以致他喊叫起来，双手捂着脸，绝望地扑倒在枕头上。过了一会，他从床上跳下来，看见他的衣服在椅子上，折叠得整整齐齐，刷得干干净净，他急忙抓起匆匆地穿起来，眼睛四望，像是惧怕什么，在另一张椅子上放着他的毛皮大衣和皮帽，皮帽里有一双黄色手套。他想悄悄地溜出去，但是门忽然开了，普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲走进来，手上拿着瓦盆和脸盆，肩上搭条毛巾。她①法语：失败的。 放下脸盆不客气地说，一定要洗个脸。 “我的老天爷，洗个脸吧，不洗不行的……” 在这瞬间伊万·伊里奇觉得，在这整个世界上现在只有一个人使他不羞愧、不害怕，那个人就是这位老太婆。于是他就洗起脸来。在以后很长的时间里，在他生活的艰难时刻，除了良心上其它的不安之外，他都会想起这次梦醒后的各种情景：那个瓦盆；那盛满冷水、水面上浮着小冰块的瓷脸盆；那块用粉红纸包着的椭圆形的肥皂，上面刻有字，约值十五戈比，它显然是买给新郎新娘用的，但却由伊万·伊里奇先用了；还有那个左肩上搭着绣花毛巾的老太婆。冷水使他顿觉清爽。他洗完脸，不说一句话，甚至也没有谢一声“女护士”，就抓起帽子，把普谢尔多尼莫夫的母亲递过来的大衣披上肩，穿过走廊，穿过厨房，——厨房里有只猫在咪咪叫，女厨娘在垫子上微微抬起身来，极好奇地望了一眼他的背影，然后，他跑到院子里，来到街上，跳上一辆过路的出租马车。清晨冷森森的，微黄色冷雾遮蔽着房屋及所有物体。伊万·伊里奇拉直衣领。他在想，所有的人都在看着他，所有的人都认识他，认得出他…… 八天了伊万·伊里奇都没有离开过家，没有去上班。他病了，病得很重，而精神上的病更甚于肉体上的。八天来，他经受了地狱般的痛苦，这八天也许可抵作另一世界的八天了。 有时候他想出家修道，的确有过这种想法。这时，他的想法格外丰富。他想象着那平缓、低沉的歌声，那开着的棺材，那幽静的修道小室的生活，那树林和洞穴；但当他清醒后，他几乎马上就承认，那都是一些最可怕的胡说和夸张，并为那种胡说和夸张而羞愧。随后，对他精神上ｅｘｉｓｔｅｎｃｅｍａｎｇｕｅｅ的折磨开始了。随后，他的心中又迸发出羞辱感，并立即攫住他的心，烧灼着，激怒着。当想象着发生的各种情景时，他颤抖起来。关于他，他们将会说些什么，想着什么，他将怎样走进办公室去，会有什么私语将伴他延续整整一年，十年，一生呢？他的这个笑话一定会传扬子孙后代。 他有时沮丧得甚至准备立刻就去找谢苗·伊万诺维奇，请他宽恕，与他交好。他甚至不替自己辩护，而全然责备自己：他不为自己去找谅解的理由，而且羞于这种理由。 他也想马上就去呈请辞职，平凡而独自地献身人类的幸福。无论如何一定要改换所有相识的人，甚至要根绝任何有关他的回忆。后来他又觉得这样做是荒诞的，而加倍严厉对待属员还有可能把整个事情扭转过来。这时，他恢复了希望，重行振作起来了。经过整整八天的困惑和痛苦后，他终于感到不能再忍受这种湮没无闻了，Mｕｎｂｅａｕｍａｔｉｎ①他决定去上班了。 早在家呆着苦恼的时候，他就曾一千次设想过自己怎样走进办公室去。他惊人地坚信，他一定会听到背后不善良的议论，看到不善良的面孔，受到恶意的微笑。当事实上什么也没有发生时，他有多么惊讶啊！大家都恭恭敬敬地迎接他，都鞠躬行礼，都神情庄重，勤于职守。当他进自己的办公室时，心中充满了喜悦。 ①法语：在一个美好的早晨。 他立刻十分认真地着手处理公务，听了几个呈文和说明，并作了指示。他觉得，他还从来没有像今天早晨这样敏捷、准确地判断和作决定。他看到他们很满意，尊重他，恭敬他。就是最多疑的人也发现不了什么。事情在顺利地进行。 最后，阿基姆·彼得罗维奇拿着公文来了。他的出现就像是什么东西刺痛了伊万·伊里奇的心，不过，这只是瞬间而已。伊万·伊里奇开始对他进行指示，重点地说明，指点他该如何做，并进行解释。伊万·伊里奇感到阿基姆·彼得罗维奇仿佛在避免过久地望着他，或者不如说，阿基姆·彼得罗维奇不敢于望他。不过，阿基姆·彼得罗维奇已办完公务开始收拾公文。 “还有一个请求，”他以尽量冷漠的口气开始说，“普谢尔多尼莫夫文官请求调往别的局去……谢苗·伊万诺维奇·舒普列科大人答应给他职位。大人，请您予以恩准。” “哦，他要求调动，”伊万·伊里奇说，心里感到如释重负。他瞥了一眼阿基姆·彼得罗维奇，顿时两人目光相接。 “哪有什么呢，我这方面，我……我愿意利用我的，”伊万·伊里奇回答说，“我同意了。” 看来，阿基姆·彼得罗维奇想赶快溜走，但伊万·伊里奇忽而一时气量高尚说出了决断，阿基姆·彼得罗维奇显然又激动起来了。 “请转告他，”他开口说，向阿基姆·彼得罗维奇投去明确的、含义深长的目光，“请转告普谢尔多尼莫夫，我对他没有恶意，是的，没有恶意！……相反，我甚至打算忘记过去的一切，我不怨恨他……不会怨恨，忘记一切，一切……” 伊万·伊里奇蓦地停了说话，十分吃惊地望着阿基姆·彼得罗维奇异样的举动。阿基姆·彼得罗维奇是个深明事理的人，不知什么原因忽然变成十足的傻瓜了。他没有听完也没有听，却忽然羞惭得糊涂极了，竟匆匆地甚至失礼地微微点头，而且朝门边退去。他的整个样子像是要钻到地里去，或者莫如说，他要急忙回办公室去。当只剩下一个人的时候，伊万·伊里奇仓皇失措地从椅子上站起来。他朝镜子里看，但看不见自己的脸庞。 “不，要严肃，唯有严肃，严肃！”他喃喃地说，几乎是无意识地自言自语，突然唰地一抹浓艳的红晕布满他的整个脸庞。他忽地感到羞辱，感到心情沉重，是抱病八天中最难受的时候也没有过的。“我经受不了！”他自言自语地说后，浑身无力地瘫坐在椅子上。