Chapter 12 White Night - Excerpt from the Memoirs of a Visionary (Sentimental Novel)-2

"Yes, Nastenka, yes!" I exclaimed joyfully. "Even if I have loved you for twenty years, I have not loved you as strongly as I do now." "Give me your hand!" said Nastenka. "That's it!" I held out my hand to her, and replied. "Well, let's start talking about my experience!" Nastenka's experience "You already know half of what happened to me, that is, you know that I have an old grandmother..." "If the other half is as simple as this one..." I wanted to interrupt her with a smile. "Don't interrupt, just listen. First of all, I have to make a condition, don't interrupt me, otherwise, I will definitely make mistakes. Well, just listen obediently."

"I have an old grandmother. I came to her when I was very young, because my parents have died one after another. It should be said that my grandmother used to be richer than now, because she often misses the good old days. She also taught i studied french and later hired a teacher for me. i ended my studies when i was fifteen (i'm seventeen now). i was also naughty at this time, as for what tricks i played , I won't tell you, but it's enough to say that it's not a big mistake. One morning, my grandmother called me to her side. She said that because she was blind, she couldn't see me, so she took a pin and put me At this time, she said that we will sit together for the rest of our lives, of course, if I don’t get better. In a word, in the first period, I couldn’t leave, whether it was working or studying. Whether you are studying or not, you have to be by Grandma's side. I once tried to get a trick to persuade Fikra to sit in my seat. Fikra is a female worker in our family and can't hear. Fikra sat instead of me. At that time, grandma fell asleep sitting in the armchair, so I went to find a girlfriend not far away. Well, the result was terrible. When I was away, grandma woke up and asked something, thinking that I was obediently Sit on the seat. As for Fikla, she saw that grandma was opening her mouth to ask a question, but she couldn't hear herself, so she thought, thinking, what should she do? In the end, she untied the pin and ran away..."

At this moment Nastenka stopped and began to laugh.I laughed with her too, but she stopped right away. "Listen, please, don't laugh at my grandma. I laugh because things are funny... If grandma is like this, what can I do? But I still kind of love her. Well, I couldn't eat Enough of the pain: I was immediately put in my seat and couldn't move a bit." "Well, there is one more thing I forgot to tell you: we, that is, grandma, have a house, which is actually a small room, with a total of three windows, all made of wood, and our age is as big as grandma's, but There's a little attic at the top. A new tenant has moved in to live in the attic..."

"So there was an old lodger before?" I interjected. "Of course he did," replied Nastenka, "but he was better at silence than you, and, to tell the truth, he rarely moved his tongue. Live in the world, die. So then we need to find a new tenant, because we can't live without a tenant, and all our income is grandma's pension. As it happens, the new tenant is a young man, not from the local area , a foreigner. Because he didn't bargain, grandma let him live in, but then she asked me: 'Nastenka, is our tenant young or old?' I didn't want to lie, so I said: 'Grandma , neither can say he is very young, of course, nor can he be said to be an old man'. Grandma then asked: 'Well, is he good-looking?' "Not wanting to lie, I said 'Yes, grandma, he is good-looking ! ’ But grandma said: ‘Oh, it’s too bad, it’s a pain!Little granddaughter, I tell you this to tell you not to peek at him.What year is it now!You see, such a little lodger is actually handsome, and he was not like that in the past! '" Grandma was never as good as before! She was younger than now, the sun was warmer, the cheese didn't sour as quickly, and everything was better before! I sat there, all the time. Without saying a word, I thought to myself: Why did grandma remind me to ask the tenant if he is young or not, and if he is beautiful? But I just thought about it, and immediately started counting stitches and knitting socks, and then completely forgot .

"One morning the lodger came to us and asked about the papering of the walls in the room. Granny was talkative, she kept saying one sentence after another, and then she said: 'Nastenka, come to my bedroom. Go, get the bill!' I jumped up, blushed for some reason, and even forgot that my dress was pinned up, and I got up and moved my grandma's armchair with me. I saw that the tenant had seen my behavior clearly, so I stood there with a flushed face and did not move. I should have gently removed the pin so that the tenant could not see it. I burst into tears Woke up, and at this moment, I felt ashamed and annoyed, ashamed, and hated to have to see the world! But grandma called, "Why are you standing still?" I cried even harder... A tenant Seeing that I was ashamed to see him, I bowed and walked away immediately.' "From then on, whenever there was any noise in the passage, I was scared to death.I thought it was a lodger, so I undid the pin quietly, just in case.But it wasn't him who came, he never came.After two weeks, the lodger sent word to Fickra that he had a lot of French books, and they were all good books that could be read.He asked grandma if she wanted me to read it to her, so as not to be bored?Grandma agreed, and thanked her, but she kept asking if the books were decent, and she said, 'If they're not serious, Nastenka, don't read them, you'll learn bad things! '"'What am I learning, grandma! What's in it?'"'Oh! ' she said, 'it tells how young men seduce good girls, marry them under the pretense of marrying them, and take them away from their parents' homes, and then throw these unfortunate girls away, and leave them at the mercy of fate, to die a very miserable death. Grandma also said, "I have read many books like this, and they are all described very well. I read them secretly while sitting at night."Nastenka, please be careful not to read it.What books did he send? '"'It's all Walter Scott's novels, Grandmother!' "'Walter Scott's novels!Well, is there any conspiracy here?Look, did he put love letters in the book? '①Scott (1771-1832) British writer.

"'No,' said I, 'Grandma, there's no note.' "'Look under the cover, they thieves tend to stuff things under the cover! ...'"'No, grandma, there's nothing even under the cover.'"'Well, forget it! '"In this way, we started to read Scott's novels, and we almost finished half of them in a month. After that, he sent books again and again, as did Pushkin's works, and in the end I couldn't do without books. , and no longer think about marrying the Chinese crown prince. "Once, I met our tenant on the stairs. It was Grandma who told me to get something. He stopped and I blushed, and he blushed. But he smiled. , said hello to me, and asked about grandma's health, and then he said: "How are you? Have you finished reading all those books?" I replied: "Read them all." He asked again: "What is your favorite Book?' I immediately replied: 'I like Scott's novel "Ivanhoe" and Pushkin's works the most."

"A week later, I met him again on the stairs. This time it wasn't Grandma who asked me to fetch something, but I was looking for something myself. It was just after two o'clock, and the lodger just came home. I said 'Hello!' and I said 'Hello!' to him, and then he asked, "'What? Aren't you bored sitting with grandma all day?'" As soon as he asked For this matter, I don't know why, I blushed suddenly, feeling embarrassed, and at the same time I felt angry, obviously because he asked about it in the first place.I didn't want to answer, so I walked away, but I couldn't do it.

"He said: 'Listen to me, you are a good girl! Forgive me for talking to you like this! But, please believe me, I wish you well more than your grandmother! Don't you have a girlfriend you can visit? ' "I told him there wasn't one. There was one, Mashenka, and she too went to Pskov. "'Listen,' he said, 'would you like to go to the theater with me?'" 'To the theater?What about grandma? '"'You,' said he, 'you are sneaking behind Granny...' "'No,' said I, 'I don't want to lie to Granny, good-bye, sir! '"'... Well, goodbye!' After saying this, he said nothing more.

"Just after dinner, he came to our place. He sat down and chatted with grandma for a long time, and asked her in detail where she had been by car? Did she know anyone? Suddenly he said: 'I have booked a box in the theater today. ticket, and it was "The Barber of Seville." My friend wanted to see it, but then he changed his mind and didn't go, so I have a spare ticket on hand.'"'The Barber of Seville barber"! ' Grandma exclaimed, 'Is it the barber who played in the past? '"'Yes,' he said, 'that's the one that used to be.' Then he glanced at me, and I knew it all, blushed instantly, and my heart nearly beat with anticipation. out!

"'Of course,' said Grandma, 'how come you don't know! I used to play Rodina in the family theater!' "'So you want to go to Rodina today? ’ said the lodger, ‘my ticket will not be wasted. '"'Yes, of course we're going by car,' said the grandmother, 'and why not? You see, our Nastenka has never been to the theatre.' "My God, what a joy it is!We immediately packed up, dressed up, and drove to the car.Although grandma is blind, she still wants to listen to music. Besides, she is a kind old lady. She wants me to have fun and relieve boredom. We will never be able to go to the theater by ourselves. .As to what impression "The Barber of Seville" made on me, I cannot tell you.However, our lodger looked at me and talked to me so cordially all evening that I understood at once that he was trying to test me when he suggested that I go to the theater with him this morning.Ah, what a joy!I went to sleep with such exaltation and exuberance, and with such a beating heart, that it was almost like a little fever, and then I went on talking all night about "The Barber of Seville."

"I thought he'd come around a lot after that, but it didn't. He didn't come at all. Sometimes once a month, and just to invite us to the theater. We went to the theater twice afterwards. But yes. I was very dissatisfied with this. I found that he just pitied me for always sitting beside my grandma, that’s all, and he had no other thoughts. After this, I felt like I lost my soul, I couldn’t sit well, I couldn’t read Like studying, working is not like working. Sometimes I laughed out of nowhere, deliberately contradicted my grandma, and once cried for no reason. After that, I lost weight and almost got seriously ill. "Once the opera season was over, our tenants stopped coming to us. Every time we met (of course it was on that staircase), he bowed silently and solemnly, as if he didn’t even want to say a word, and quickly went downstairs to the steps, but I was still standing there. On the stairs, my face was as red as a cherry, because my blood was already rushing to my head when I bumped into him. "It's almost over now. Exactly a year ago in May, the lodger came to us and told grandma that his work here was over and that he had to go to Moscow for another year. His complexion turned pale, and he fell down on the chair with a plop, as if he was dead. Grandma didn't notice it at all. As for him, after saying that he was leaving us, he bent over to say goodbye to me and left. "What should I do? I thought and thought, and I was so worried that I didn't know what to do, and finally I made up my mind. He's leaving tomorrow, and I decided to end it when Grandma went to bed tonight. That's how it turned out. I packed a few dresses and the necessary underwear into a bag, and went half-dead in my hands to look for a lodger in the attic. I think I spent a good hour climbing the stairs. When I opened the door of his room, he looked I screamed in fright. He thought I was a ghost, so he rushed to pour me water, because my legs couldn’t stand anymore. My heart was beating fast, my head was hurting, and my mind was blurred When I came to my senses, my first thought was to put my bundle on his bed, and sit beside him, and then, covering my face with my hands, wept loudly, with tears pouring out. See Come on, he understood all at once, and stood in front of me with a pale face, looking at me so sadly that it hurt my heart! "'Listen,' he began, 'listen to me, Nastenka, there is nothing I can do. I am a poor man, I have nothing for the time being, not even a decent job. If I marry you Husband and wife, how will we live in the future?'" We talked for a long time, and finally I almost fainted in anxiety. I said that I can't live with my grandma, anyway, I want to run away from her, and I don't want to let people Pin it, and whether he likes it or not, I must go to Moscow with him, because I can't live without him.Shyness, love, tenderness, all of these came out of me, and I fell on his bed, almost convulsed.I was so afraid of him rejecting me! "He sat in silence for several minutes, then got up, walked over to me and took my hand. "'Listen, my good, dear Nastenka!' he also began with tears in his eyes. 'Listen, I swear to you that if ever I am able to marry, you must be mine. The object of my happiness. You alone are my happiness, I can assure you of that. Listen, I am going to Moscow this time, and I am going to stay there for a whole year. I hope to get my affairs in order. When I come back, if you still love me, I swear, we will be a happy couple. Now, it is impossible, I can't do it, I have no right to promise you anything. I repeat, if If you can't do this after a year, it will be possible one day in the future. Of course, there is a premise that if you don't get rid of me and find someone else, because I can't and dare not use any words Come to bind you.'" This is what he said to me, and he drove away the next day.We made an appointment about this matter, not to reveal any news to grandma.This is his hope.Well, now I have finished my experience.Exactly a whole year has passed.He's back, he's been here for three days, but..." "But what?" I couldn't wait to hear the ending, so I cried out anxiously. "But so far he hasn't come out to meet!" Nastenka seemed to have exhausted all his strength before he said this sentence, "There is not even any information!..." She immediately stopped talking, and was silent for a while, then lowered her head, covered her face with her hands, and burst into tears, breaking my heart! I never expected such an ending. "Nastenka!" I began to whisper timidly. "Nastenka! For God's sake don't cry! How do you know? Maybe he hasn't come yet..." "Here, here he is!" Nastenka continued. "He is here, I know that. We had an appointment on the eve of his departure, and it was agreed that evening. After we had said what I just told you, it was agreed that we would come Here, that is, to take a walk along this riverside avenue. It was ten o'clock at night, and we were sitting on this bench.I stopped crying at that time, and I felt sweet in my heart when I heard what he said... He said that he would come to us as soon as he came back, and if I didn't refuse him, he would tell grandma everything.Now he's back, I know that, but he's nowhere to be seen, nowhere to be seen! " Then she burst into tears again. "My God! Can't there be some way to ease her pain?" I jumped up from the bench in utter desperation and cried out. "Nastenka, please tell me, can I go to him? . . . " "Is that possible?" she said suddenly, looking up. "No, of course not!" I suddenly realized, and said, "Yes, you write a letter!" "No, that's impossible, that's impossible!" she answered decisively, but she had lowered her head and was no longer looking at me. "Why not? Why not?" I firmly grasped my thoughts and continued. "But you know, Nastenka, what kind of letter should one write? Letters are different from letters... Oh, Nastenka, just do it. Believe me, believe me! I'll give you It's not a bad idea. You can do it all. Haven't you already taken the first step? Why now..." "No, no! It seems that I want to impose it on others, insisting on..." "Ah, my kindest Nastenka!" I interrupted her, and couldn't help smiling. "Why not? In fact, you have every right to do so, because he promised you. Besides, in all respects, I think he is a man of integrity, and a decent man," I went on, for my own sake. I am more and more pleased with the logic and persuasiveness of my arguments. "What kind of person is he? He restrained himself with promises. He said that as long as he married, you must not marry, and he also gave you full freedom, even if you refuse him now... In this case , you can take the first step, you have this right, you have an advantage over him, for example, if you want to get rid of his promise..." "Listen, what would you write if it were you?" "Write what?" "Write this letter!" "If I just wrote: 'Dear Sir...'" "Does it have to be 'Dear Sir'?" "Must be. But then again, why? I think . . . " "Okay, okay, let's write down!" "'Dear Sir! Please forgive me, I...'No, no, there is no need to forgive no forgiveness!Here the facts speak for themselves, so simply write: "'I am writing to you now. Please forgive my impatience. But for a whole year I have been hopeful and happy, and now I am Doubt is unbearable, is the responsibility on me? Now that you have come back, you may have changed your intentions. This letter will tell you that I do not complain and I do not blame you. I do not blame you because I cannot control your heart. Such is my fate! "'You are a noble man. You will neither laugh at nor be offended by these impatient lines of mine. You will remember that it was written by a poor girl, alone and uneducated. She, and no one advises her, she never controls her own heart. But you must forgive me, for doubts have crept into my heart, if only for a moment. Even in thought you And I can't bear to hurt that girl who loves you so much in the past and now.'” "Yes, yes! That's exactly what I was thinking!" cried Nastenka, her eyes gleaming with joy. "Ah! You cleared my doubts, you were sent by God Himself! Thank you, I thank you!" "Thank you? Thank God for sending me?" I looked at her happy face with great excitement and asked. "Yes, even for that, I also want to thank you." "Oh, Nastenka! You know that sometimes we thank people simply because they live with us. I thank you because I saw you and because I will never forget you as long as I live." "'Well, that's enough, that's enough! Now listen to me: it was agreed that, as soon as he came back, he would leave the letter in a place in the house of an acquaintance of mine, and let me know how he was. I My acquaintances are simple and well-meaning people who know nothing about our affairs. Or, if it is impossible to write to me, because it is impossible to explain everything in a letter, then he will do it when he returns. I came here at ten o'clock that day. This is the place we agreed to meet. He has returned, I already know, but I have not seen his letter or anyone for three days. I am leaving grandma in the morning. It can't be done. Please give my letter to-morrow to those good people I mentioned to you, and they will surely forward it to him. If there is a reply, you will bring it yourself at ten o'clock in the evening.'"But What about letters, what about letters?You know, you need to write the letter well first!It seems that it cannot be done until the day after tomorrow. " "I believe..." Nastenka replied with a flustered expression, "I believe... but..." However, she didn't finish her sentence.She turned her face away at first so that I wouldn't see it, but it turned out that her face was already flushed, as red as a rose.Then I suddenly felt that I had a letter in my hand, which had obviously been written long ago, and everything was ready and sealed.A very familiar, dear, moving memory flashed through my mind. "Ro-lo, shin-shin, na-na," I began singing an episode from the opera "The Barber of Seville." "Rosanna," we sang together, and I was so happy that I almost hugged her, but she was so red that she couldn't get any redder, and then burst into tears, though the tears were like pearls, still in her eyes. The swarthy eyelashes fluttered. "Well, that's enough, that's enough! Now let's say good-bye!" she said quickly. "Here's a letter for you. Here's the address. Just send it. Let's part!" goodbye!See you tomorrow! " She held my hands tightly, nodded, and flew into her alley like an arrow.I stood where I was and watched her off for a long time. "See you tomorrow! See you tomorrow!" The words echoed in my head as she disappeared from view. THIRD NIGHT Today is a sad day, rainy and sunless, much like my future old age.There were such strange thoughts, such dark feelings oppressing me, and my mind was filled with questions which I did not know why, and which I had neither the power nor the desire to solve.All this is beyond my ability to solve! Today we won't see each other, when we parted yesterday, the sky was covered with dark clouds and it was foggy.I said the weather would be bad tomorrow, but she didn't answer, she didn't want to say what she didn't want to say.It was a clear day for her, and not a single cloud clouded her happiness! "Since there will be rain, let's not meet!" she said, "I won't come." I thought she wouldn't pay attention to today's rain, but she didn't come. Yesterday was our third meeting, our third white night... Yet how wonderful joy and happiness can make a man!Let the love in your heart burn and boil!It's as if you want to pour your heart into another heart entirely, and you want everything to be pleasant, everything to be smiling.How contagious is this joy!How much tenderness there was in what she had said yesterday, how much kindness she had expressed to me in her heart... How attentive and kind she was to me, encouraging and comforting my heart!Oh, how much coquettishness happiness can make!but i... But I believed all this to be true!i thought she... My goodness, how could I think like that?Since everything has been taken away by others, and everything does not belong to me, including her tenderness, her care, her love... when it does not belong to me, how can I be so blind and turn a blind eye?As for my love, it is nothing more than the exultation at the thought of meeting another soon, the desire to impose my own happiness on me... when he does not come and I wait in vain , she frowned, timidly afraid.Her movements, her words became less relaxed, cheerful, frivolous.The strange thing is that she increased her attention to me, and seemed to pour instinctively into my heart what she wanted and dreaded if it did not come true.My Nastenka was so timid, so frightened, seemed to understand that I loved her in the end, and was sorry for my poor love.When we are unhappy, our sympathy for the misfortune of others is all the stronger.Feelings are not broken, but more concentrated... I went to her with a lot of thoughts in my heart, and it was not easy to see her.I didn't foresee how I was feeling, or how it would end. Her face was beaming with joy, and she was expecting an answer.The answer was herself.He should come, should answer her call, and come here.She came here a full hour before I did.First she laughed at everything, and at everything I said, she laughed too, and I was about to speak, but stopped. "Do you know why I am so happy?" she said, "Why am I so happy to look at you? Why do I love you so much today?" "Huh?" I asked subconsciously, my heart was already shaking. "I love you because you are not in love with me. If someone else had been in your place, he would have been flustered, would have hung on to me, would have moaned, but you It's so cute!" She immediately took one of my hands, and I almost cried out in pain.she laughed. "My God! What a friend you are!" After a minute, she began to speak seriously. "You are indeed a send of God! If you are not with me now, something will happen to me. What a selfless person you are! How good you have been to me! When I am married, we will be closer together." Kiss, even closer than brothers. I would love you almost as much as he..." I don't know why, but at this moment, I feel very sad.But something similar to laughter moved in my heart. "You're hysterical," I said. "You're timid. . . . You think he won't come." "God be with you!" she replied, "if I am unhappy, your disbelief and your reproaches will make me cry. But you have given me an idea, and you have given me A question worth pondering for a long time. Let me think about it later. But I have to confess to you now: you are telling the truth. Yes! Everything is a bit too hasty. Forget it, let's talk about the relationship issue later!..." At this time, there was a sound of footsteps, and a figure appeared in the darkness, walking towards us.We both shuddered, and she almost screamed.I let go of her hand and made a gesture that seemed to want to go away.But we guessed wrong, it wasn't him who came! "What are you afraid of? Why did you let go of my hand?" She stretched out her hand again after she finished speaking. "Hey, what's up? We're going to meet him together. I want him to see how much we love each other." "How we love each other!" I exclaimed. "Oh, Nastenka, Nastenka!" I thought to myself, "you say so much in that word! Such a love, Nastenka, sometimes makes your heart icy and weighs you down .Your hands are cold, but mine are as hot as fire. How blind you are, Nastenka! . . . Ah! Sometimes a happy man is unbearable! But I Can't be mad at you! ..." My heart finally couldn't bear it anymore. "Listen, Nastenka!" I cried, "do you know how I got here all day? "Why, what's the matter? Tell me quickly! Why have you kept your mouth shut until now!" "First, Nastenka, I carried out the task you gave me, delivered the letter, went to your kind friend, and then... and then I went home to sleep..." "That's all?" She interrupted me with a smile. "Yes, that's pretty much it," I replied, suppressing my excitement, as tears welled up in my eyes. "I didn't wake up until an hour before we met, but it seemed I hadn't slept. I didn't know what had happened to me. I came to tell you all this, as if time had stood still for me, as if A feeling, an emotion should remain in my heart forever, as if a minute should be as long as a century, as if the whole life for me had stopped moving... When I woke up, I felt, a The melody of music that I have been familiar with for a long time, that I have heard somewhere before, that I have forgotten but still feels sweet, now I think of it. I feel that this piece of music has wanted to come out of my heart all my life, but it has not been until now..." "Oh, my God, my God!" interrupted Nastenka, "what on earth is all this? I don't understand a word of it!" "Oh, Nastenka! I just wanted to tell you about this strange impression..." I began to speak in a complaining tone, which contained hope, however remote it was. "Enough, don't say it, enough!" She guessed everything in the blink of an eye after she finished speaking, this clever ghost! Suddenly, she seemed to be uncharacteristically talkative, especially jovial and playful.She smiled and took my hand, wanting me to laugh with her, so every word I was embarrassed to say, got her laugh so loudly and for such a long time... I started to get angry, but she suddenly asked me I'm flirting. "Listen," she began, "you know I'm a little annoyed that you're not in love with me. You'll have to analyze this man when he's gone! But, you, Mr. Indomitable, you can't help boasting. I am so simple. I tell you everything, tell you everything, and keep nothing from you, however foolish a thought may pass through my mind." "Listen! Looks like it's eleven o'clock?" I asked her when the even bells rang out from the distant clock tower in the city.She stopped suddenly, suppressed her smile, and started counting the bells. "Yes, eleven," she said at last in a timid, half-decided voice. I immediately regretted scaring her, forcing her to count the bells, and blaming myself for being angry.I feel sad for her and don't know how to atone for my sin.I started to comfort her, looking for reasons why he didn't come, stating various reasons, and providing various evidences.No one is so gullible as she is at a time when anyone seems to be happy to hear any kind of frivolous reassurance, even the slightest justification, and she would happy to hear. "That's ridiculous to say," I began, growing more and more agitated, pleased with the uncanny clarity of my argument. "It's true that he can't come, I was so bewildered and tricked by you, Nastenka, that I lost track of time: just think about it and you will see that he has only just received the letter. If we assume that he cannot come, and that he is going to write a letter, the letter will not arrive until tomorrow. I will get the letter at dawn tomorrow, and I will find out for you at once. Finally, we can also assume a thousand For example, he was not at home when the letter arrived, maybe he hasn't read the letter until now? You know, anything can happen!" "Yes, yes!" replied Nastenka, "it never occurred to me. Of course, anything can happen," she went on in a very open, but irritated tone. , containing some distant thought. "You can do this for me," she went on, "go there as soon as possible tomorrow, and let me know if you have any news. Don't you know where I live?" Then she started repeating her address to me again. Then she suddenly became so affectionate and shy towards me... She seemed to be paying attention to what I was trying to persuade her to say, but when I asked her a question, she didn't say a word, she turned her head away with a disturbed expression.I stared at her and it turned out that she was crying! "Well, how can this be, how can this be? Oh, what a child you are! How childish! . . . Come on, don't cry anymore!" She tried to laugh, to be quiet, but her jaw was still quivering and her chest was still heaving. “我在想您，”经过一会儿的沉默，她对我说道，“您真善良，如果连这一点我都感觉不出来，那我就真是铁石心肠的木头人了……您知道我现在脑子里有个什么想法吗？我把你们两个人作了比较。为什么是他而不是您呢？为什么他不像您这样呢？他不如您，虽然我爱他超过爱您。” 我什么也没有回答，她好像在等待，看我说出什么话来。 “当然，或许我还不完全了解他，对他不够理解。您知道，我似乎老是怕他，他总是那么严肃，好像有点骄傲。当然，我知道，他只是看起来如此，其实他心里的柔情比我心里的多……我记得我提着包袱去找他时他看我的神情，您还记得吧！ 不过，我仍然对他有点过份尊敬，看起来我们似乎不是平等的一对。 " “不，纳斯金卡，不，”我回答说，“这意味着您爱他胜过世界上任何一个，甚至大大超过您爱自己。” “对，我们假定如此吧，”天真无邪的纳斯金卡这么回答。 “但是，您知道我现在脑子里出现了什么想法吗？不过，我现在不打算讲他一个人，而是泛泛地谈所有的人。请您听着，为什么我们都不像兄弟对兄弟那样坦诚？为什么一个最好的人总好像有什么事要瞒着另一个人，对他缄口不言呢？既然你知道说话是要算数的，为什么现在不把心里话明说出来？要不然，任何人看起来似乎都比本人更严肃，似乎都害怕一旦和盘托出自己的感情，就会使自己的感情受到伤害…… “哎呀，纳斯金卡！您说的对。其所以发生这种现象，原因很多”我打断了她的话，其实我自己此时比任何时候都更加克制自己的感情。 “不，不！”她满怀深情地回答，“比如您吧，就不像别人！ 真的，我不知道如何把我现在的感受给您讲清楚，但是，我觉得比如您现在……就算是现在吧……我觉得您在为我作出某种牺牲，”她羞怯地补加了这么一句，顺便望了我一眼。 “如果我说得不恰当，请您原谅我，您知道，我是个普普通通的姑娘，我的阅历很少，我真的不会说话。”她补充说道，那声音却因为隐藏着某种感情而不断地颤抖，与此同时却又竭力装出微笑来。“不过，我只想对您说，我非常感激您，而且所有这一切我都感觉出来了……啊，愿上帝给您幸福！至于您以前对我讲的那么多有关我们的幻想家的话，完全是不对的，也就是说我要说的是：那与您根本没有关系。您是个健康的人，完全不是您所描写的哪样的人。如果您曾经有过爱的话，但愿上帝把幸福和爱人都给您！我对她没有任何要求与希望，因为她和您在一起一定会非常幸福！我知道，我自己也是女人，所以如果我对您这么说话，那就是认为您应该要相信我……” 她没说完就中止了，接着就紧紧地握着我的手。我也激动得什么话都说不出来。这样过了好几分钟。 “是的，看来他今天是不会来了！”她终于抬起头来说道。 “他明天肯定会来，”我用最肯定的坚定声音说道。 “是的，”她快活起来，补充说道，“我自己现在也认为，他只会明天来。那好，我们再见吧！明天见！如果下雨，我可能不来。但是后天我会来，我一定会来，但愿我什么事也不出。您一定要来这里，我希望见到您，我会把一切都讲给您听。” 后来我们分手告别时，她把手伸过来，望着我说道：“我们以后会永远在一起，对吗？” 啊，纳斯金卡，纳斯金卡！要是您知道我现在有多孤独就好啦！ 时钟已经响过十点，我不能再坐在房间里不动了。虽是阴雨天，我还是穿好衣服，走了出去。我到了那里，坐在我们坐过的长凳上。我本想到她的胡同里去，但我感到害臊，于是折返回来，没望她们家的窗户，其实离她们家只差一两步远了。我走回家来，那种愁苦的样子，是从来没有过的。多么潮湿、阴暗的天气啊！如果是晴天，我肯定会在那里逛悠一整夜…… 但是还得明天见，明天见！明天她会把一切都讲给我听。 然而，今天还是没有信。不过，这本是情理之中的事。他们已经一起…… 第四夜天哪！所有这一切怎样结局啊！如何结局啊！ 我是九点钟来的。她已经到了那里。我老远就发现了她。 像第一次见面那样，她手臂依着沿河街的栏杆，没听到我走近她的脚步声。 “纳斯金卡！”我竭力压住自己的激动，喊了她一声。 “唔！”她说道，“喂，快点！ 我莫明其妙地望着她。 “喂，信在哪里呢？您把信带来啦？”她一手抓住栏杆，重复问道。 “不，我没有信，”我终于说了出来，“难道他还没来？” 她面色惨白，相当可怕，一动不动地望了我好久。我粉碎了她最后的一线希望。 “唔，但愿上帝与他同在！”她终于用断断续续的声音说道，“如果他这样抛弃我，上帝是会和他在一起的。” 她垂下两眼，后来她想瞧我一下，但她又办不到。她还花了好几分钟才克制住自己的激动。可是她突然转过身子，伏在沿河大街的栏杆上，大声痛哭起来了。 “别哭啦！算了！”我本想开口说话，但我无力望着她继续说下去，再说，我说什么好呢？ “您不要安慰我，”她哭着说道，“您千万别说他，不要说他会来，说他不会那么残酷无情，那么毫无人性地把我抛下，就像他所作的那样。为什么，为什么？难道我的信里，那封倒霉的信里有什么问题吗？……” 这时痛哭嚎啕的声音，压过了说话的声音，我望着她心也碎了。 “啊，这多残酷无情，多没有人性啊！”她又开始说话了。 “连一行字，一行字也不写！那怕是回答说他不要我了，他要甩掉我也好嘛，要不然整整三天连一行字也没有！他伤害、侮辱一个不能自卫的可怜姑娘有多轻松！而这个姑娘的过错就是不该爱他。啊，在这三天里，我忍受了多少痛苦！我的天哪，我的天哪！一想起我第一次亲自登门去找他，我站在他面前低声下气、痛哭流涕，向他乞求爱情，那怕一点点也好……还有以后呢！……您听我说，”她转身对着我说了起来，她的一对黑眼睛熠熠闪着泪光！“这不会是这样的！这不可能这样，这不合乎情理！莫非是您，要不就是我受骗上当了？也许他没有收到信？也许他至今一无所知？怎么可以，您判断一下，看在上帝的面上，请您告诉我，给我解释解释（我对此无法理解），怎么可以这么野蛮、粗暴地行事？他怎么可以如此待我！连一句话都不说！即使对待世上最低贱的人，也不能如此缺乏同情心嘛！也许他听到了什么闲言，也许有人对他说了我许多坏话？”她大声叫喊，向我提问，“您是怎么看呢？” “您听着，纳斯金卡，我明天代表您去找他。” "Well!" “我向他问个明白，把一切情况都给他讲清楚。” “唔，唔！” “您写封信，不要说不，纳斯金卡，千万不要说不！我会迫使他尊重您的行为，他一切都会了解清楚的，假如……” “不，我的朋友，不，”她打断我的话，“够了！我不再写一个字，一个字，一行字都不再写了，已经够了！我不了解他，我不再爱他了，我会把他……忘……记掉……” 她没有把话说完。 “您安静一下，您安静一下！纳斯金卡，您坐在这里，”我说完要让她坐到长凳上。 “我已经很平静。够了！原来是这样！这是眼泪，不过它会干的。您以为我会自杀，我会投水自尽吗？” 我的心情非常激动，本想说几句，却又说不出来。 “您听着！”她抓住我的手，继续往下说去。“请您告诉我：要是您，肯定不会这么做吧？您不会抛弃自动找上门来的姑娘，不会对着她的两眼、厚颜无耻地嘲笑她那颗脆弱、愚蠢的心吧？您会珍惜她吗？您会想到她孤零零的，她不善于照看自己，她不善于放弃对您的爱情，她是无辜的，她之所以无辜是因为她没干任何坏事！……天哪，我的天哪！……” “纳斯金卡！”尽管我无力克服自己的激动，我还是叫喊起来了。“纳斯金卡！您在折磨我！您伤了我的心，您简直是在枪杀我，纳斯金卡！我无法保持沉默！最后我应该说话，把我心中翻腾的一切全说出来……” 我说的时候，身子从凳子上稍稍抬了起来。她抓住我的手，惊讶地望着我。 “您怎么啦？”她终于说道。 “您听我说！”我果断地说道。“您听我说，纳斯金卡！我现在要说的，全是胡说八道，全是不能实现的，愚蠢至极！我知道，那是永远也不会出现的事，不过，我还是无法保持沉默。我以现在受难的名义，事先央求您，请您原谅我！ ..." “快说，到底是什么事？”她说道。她已停止哭泣，目不转睛地望着我，一双惊讶的眼睛，露出奇怪的好奇表情。“您出什么事啦？” “这是不可能实现的，但是我爱您，纳斯金卡！就是这回事！好了，现在全讲出来了！”我说完把手一挥。“现在您会看到，您能不能像刚才同我谈话时那样说话，最后看您能不能听听我要对您说的话……” “唔，说什么，到底说什么呀？”纳斯金卡打断我的话，“这又有什么呢？嗯，我早就知道您爱我，不过，我觉得您只是一般地喜欢我罢了……哎呀，我的天哪，我的天哪！” “起初是一般地喜欢，纳斯金卡，可现在，现在……我就和您一样，像您带着包袱去找他的时候那样。比您那时还不如，纳斯金卡，因为他当时没有爱任何人，可您现在却爱着一个人。” 于是纳斯金卡完全心慌意乱了。她两颊绯红，垂下了两眼。 “怎么办，纳斯金卡，我到底该怎么办！我有罪，我滥用了……不，不，有罪的不是我，纳斯金卡！这是我听到的，感觉到的，因为我的心在告诉我，说我是做得对的，因为我不能伤害您，一点也不会侮辱您！我是您的朋友，就是现在也是朋友。我没有丝毫改变。您看，纳斯金卡，我在流泪。让它流吧，不断地流吧，它不会妨碍任何人，它也会干的，纳斯金卡！……” “您坐下来嘛，您坐！”她说完就让我坐到长凳上，“啊，我的天哪！” “不！纳斯金卡，我不坐。我已经无法再呆在这里了，您再也不能再见到我了。我把一切说完就走。我只是想说，您永远也不知道我在爱您。我要保守秘密。我不会在现在，在此时此刻用我的自私来折磨您。不！不过，我现在已经忍不住了。是您自己先开口谈起这事来的，责任在您那里，责任全在您身上，我没有错。您不能把我从您的身边赶走……” “当然不，不，我不赶您走，绝对不！”纳斯金卡说的时候，尽量设法掩饰自己的窘态，真可怜！ “您不赶我走？不！我本想从您这儿自行跑走。我先说完就走，因为您在这里说的时候，我坐不住。您在这儿痛哭，您在这里自我折磨，因为，唔，因为（我要把这个说出来了）因为您遭到了抛弃，您的爱情受到拒绝，而我却亲身听到，亲身感到，我的心里有着多少对您的爱。纳斯金卡，有着多少爱啊！……一想起我的这些爱，对您一无所助，我就感到非常痛苦……连心都痛炸了，所以我不能沉默，我应该说出来，纳斯金卡，我应该说啊！……” “对，对！您对我说吧，就这样同我说吧！”纳斯金卡做了一个无法解释的动作，说道，“我同您这么说话，您也许感到奇怪，不过……您说吧！我以后再告诉您！我会把一切都告诉您！” “您是在可怜我，纳斯金卡。您只不过是可怜可怜我，我的好朋友！过去的事就让它过去吧！说出去的话你是收不回的。不是这样吗？好了，现在您什么都知道了。您瞧，这就是出发点。唔，好！现在这一切都是美好的，不过，您听我说！您坐着哭的时候，我想过我自己（哎呀，请允许我说出我当时的想法）！我想（当然，纳斯金卡，这是不可能的），我以为您……已经完全和他分手，不再爱他了。当时（这一点昨天和以前我都想过，纳斯金卡），当时我就这么干，一定要想方设法让您爱上我。您不是说过，您不是亲口说过，纳斯金卡，您几乎已经完全爱上我了吗？好，下一步怎么办呢？好了，这几乎是我想要说的全部了。只剩一点没说，那就是假如您爱上了我，那会出现什么情况呢？仅此一点，别的什么也没有了！您听听我说吧，我的朋友（因为您终归还是我的朋友）。当然，我是一个普普通通的人，是这么一个无足轻重的人，而且一贫如洗，不过，问题不在这里（好像我总是说不到点子上，这是心情烦乱造成的，纳斯金卡），而在于我是那么爱您，即便在您还爱着他，还继续爱着那个我不认识的人时，也是那么爱您。您肯定不会发觉，我对您的爱会成为您沉重的包袱。不过，您会随时听到，无时无刻不感觉到，有一颗崇高的、高尚的心，一颗热烈的心在您的身旁，为您而跳动……啊，纳斯金卡，纳斯金卡！您真把我迷住了！ ..." “您不要哭嘛，我不希望您哭，”纳斯金卡说完就迅速地从长凳上站起身来。“走，起来，和我一起走，您不要哭嘛，您千万别哭，”她一边说一边用手巾给我擦眼泪。“好，我们现在一起走，也许，我还有话要对您说呢……是的，既然他现在已经抛弃了我，既然他已将我忘掉，尽管我还爱着他（我不想骗您。）……现在您听我说吧，请您回答我。比如，如果我爱上了您，也就是说如果我只是……啊，我的朋友，我的朋友！我一想起我曾经嘲笑过您对我的爱，以至于伤害了您，甚至还夸过您没有爱上我呢！我就感到难过。……啊，天哪！我怎么就没有预见到这一点，我怎么就没有预见到呢？我真愚蠢，不过……好了，我下定了决心，我把一切都说出来……” “您听我说，纳斯金卡，您知道吗？我马上要离开您，就是这么个事。我简直是在折磨您。瞧，您现在为了曾经嘲笑过我而受到了良心上的谴责，可是我不希望，是的，我确实不希望您除了痛苦之外……我当然是有责任的，纳斯金卡，我们分手吧！” “站住，您听听我的意见吧。您能等下去吗？” “等什么？怎么等？” “我是爱他，但这会过去的，这是应当过去的，它不能不过去，实际上也正在过去，我听见……谁知道呢？也许今天就会结束，因为我恨他，因为当我们在这里一起哭泣的时候，他嘲笑过我；因为您不像他那样，把我抛掉；因为您爱我，而他却不爱；最后因为我自己爱您，是的，我爱您！我像您爱我一样爱您！这一点我不是以前亲口对您说过，您亲自听到过吗？我爱您，因为您比他好，因为您比他高尚，因为，因为他……” 可怜的姑娘激动得说不下去了，她把头靠在我的肩上，后来就躺到我的怀里，伤心地痛哭起来了。我安慰她，劝她，但她还是哭个不停。她一直握着我的一只手，一边痛哭嚎啕，一边说道：“您等一等，您等一等，我马上就不哭了！我想告诉您……您不要以为这些眼泪（这是由于软弱造成的）……您等一等，它会过去的……”最后，她停止了哭泣，擦去了眼泪，我们又往前走去了。我本想开口说话，但她老是求我等一等。我们后来都不说话了……最后，她打起精神又开始说了起来。 “是这么回事，”她用虚弱无力和颤抖的声音开始说道，但那声音之中突然响起一种异样的音符，直接刺进我的心里，叫人感到甜蜜蜜的。“您别以为我是那么水性杨花、朝三慕四，不要认为我会那么轻率而迅速地忘记和背信弃义……我爱过他整整一年，我可以用上帝发誓，我甚至从来没有动过对他不忠实的念头。但他对这事却是鄙视的，他嘲笑过我，愿上帝与他在一起！他刺激我，而且伤害过我的心。我不爱他，因为我只能爱一个度量大、能理解我、道德高尚的人，因为我自己就是一个这样的人，所以他不值得我爱，咳，愿上帝与他同在！他这样做更好，比我在自己以后的期待中发现受骗上当时才认清他的面目要好。……好啦，完了！但是，我善良的朋友，谁知道呢？”她握着我的手继续说下去。“谁知道呢？也许我全部的爱就是感情上的受骗，想象力的受骗，也许它一开始就是一场淘气的游戏，是一些鸡毛蒜皮的小事，而产生它的原因是我生活在奶奶的监视之下吗？也许，我应该爱的是另一个人，而不是他，不是一个这样的人，而是一个怜我痛我的人，所以，所以……咳，我们不谈这个事吧，不谈啦，”纳斯金卡激动得喘不过气来，把话打断了。“我只想告诉您……我想告诉您的是：尽管我爱他（不，是过去爱他），尽管您还会说……假如您觉得，您对我的爱非常深，最终足以从我的心中把我以前对他的爱，排除出去的话……如果您想可怜我，如果您不想我一个人去单独面对命运的挑战，没有人安慰，没有希望，如果您想象现在这样爱我，永远爱我的话，那么我可以赌咒发誓，我对您的感激，我对您的爱最终是会对得起您对我的爱的……您现在愿意抓住我的手吗？” “纳斯金卡，”我哭得上气不接下气，大声叫了起来。“纳斯金卡！……啊，纳斯金卡……” “好，够啦，够啦！唉，现在真的够啦！”她好不容易才克制住自己，说了起来。“唔，现在什么都说完了，不是吗？ Is that right?唔，您非常幸福，我也非常幸福，这事以后就根本不用再说了。请您等一等，您饶恕我吧……看在上帝的份上，您谈点别的，行吗？ ..." “对，纳斯金卡，对！这事已经谈够了，现在我感到很幸福，我……唔，纳斯金卡，我们开始谈别的事吧，快，快，我们快点谈。是的，我准备……” 结果我却不知道说什么好，我们一会儿哭，一会儿笑，说了上千句既无思想内容又互不连贯的话。我们时而沿着人行道走去，时而又突然返身往回走，穿过街道。后来我们停下来，又走到沿河大道上。我们完全像是两个不懂事的孩子…… “我现在一个人住，纳斯金卡，”我开始说话，“可明天…… 唔，纳斯金卡，您当然知道，我很穷，我总共才有一千二百卢布，不过，这没有什么关系……” “当然，不，奶奶有养老金，她不会加重我们的负担。应该带上奶奶！” “哪当然，奶奶是该带上的……只是这个玛特莲娜……” “啊呀，我们也有个菲克拉呀！” “玛特莲娜，心肠好，只是有一个缺点：她没有想象力，纳斯金卡，完全没有想象力。不过，这没有什么关系！ ..." “反正一样。他们两个可以在一起。不过，您明天就搬到我们那里去。” “这怎么行呢？搬到你们那里去！好，我准备去……” “是的，您去租我们的房子住。我们楼顶上，有个小小的阁楼，它空着的，原来有个老太太住，她是贵族，后来搬走了，再说我知道，奶奶希望进一个青年人。我问过她：'干吗要进一个青年人呢？'她的回答是：'是这样的，我老了，不过你可不要以为，纳斯金卡，我想给你做媒，让你嫁给他。'我猜想这是为了那个……” “哎呀，纳斯金卡！……” 接着我们都笑了起来。 “唔，算了，不说了，您现在住在哪里？我把它忘啦！” “住在乌——桥边，巴拉尼科夫家的房子里。” “那是一幢这么大的房子？” “是的，有这么大。” “啊呀，我知道，房子好。您知道吗？您还是把它退掉，快点搬到我们家来吧……” “明天，纳斯金卡，明天搬。我在那里还欠着点房租，不过，这不要紧的……我不久就可以领到薪水……” “您知道吗，我也许会去讲课。我一边学习，一边讲课……” “那太好啦！……我很快就会获奖，纳斯金卡……” “这么说来，您明天就要成为我的房客了……” “是的，我们也坐车去看《塞维尔的理发师》，因为这个歌剧很快又要演出了。” “对，我们去，”纳斯金卡笑着说道，”“不，最好我们不去听《塞维尔的理发师》歌剧，而去看点别的……” “唔，好，我们看别的，当然，这会更好，要不我真没想到……” 说这话的时候，我们好像走在云里雾里，似乎不知道我们出了什么事。一会儿停下来，站在一个地方交谈很久，一会儿又放开脚步，信步走来走去，又是笑，又是哭的……纳斯金卡突然想回家，我不敢阻拦她，想把她送到家门口。我们走着走着，过了刻把钟，突然发现来到了沿河大街我们的长凳旁。她叹息一声，泪水又涌到了眼边。我害怕了，全身直冒冷汗……但她马上握住我的一只手，拖着我又走来走去，天南海北地聊天、说话……。 “现在该回家了，我该回家了，我想，天色已经很晚，”纳斯金卡终于说话了，“我们的小孩子气也该发够啦！” “对，纳斯金卡，不过我现在已经睡不着了，我不回家去。” “大概，我也会睡不着的，不过，您得伴送我……” "must!" “但现在我们一定要走到我的住房门口才行。” “一定，一定……” “是真话？……反正迟早总是要回家的！” “是实话，”我笑着作了回答…… “那好，我们走吧！” "Let's go." “您看看那天空，纳斯金卡，您看看吧！明天一定是个美妙的日子，多蓝的天空，多好的月亮！您快看哪，这朵黄色的云彩马上就要遮住月亮啦，您快看呀，快看呀！……不，它飘过去了，快看呀，快看呀！……” 但是纳斯金卡却没有看云彩，她站在那里，默不作声，像被钉子钉住了似的。过了一会儿，她好像有点害怕似的，紧紧地靠在我的身上。她的一只手在我的手中颤动，我望了她一眼……她靠着我更紧了。 这时候，从我们的身旁走过去一个青年人。他突然把脚步停了下来，盯着我们看，随后又走过去几步。我的心开始抖动起来了…… “纳斯金卡，”我低声问道，“这是谁，纳斯金卡？” “是他！”她悄悄地回答，身子靠得我更近，也颤抖得更厉害……我费了好大的力气才站稳脚跟。 “纳斯金卡！纳斯金卡！原来是你呀！”我们身后传来一个声音，这时那个青年人朝我们身边走了好几步…… 天哪，这是什么叫喊声呀！她浑身一抖！她马上挣脱我的两手，迎着他扑了过去！……我站在那里，呆呆地望着他们，像死了似的。但是她刚把手伸过去，刚要倒进他的怀抱中时，突然又回转身子朝我走来，像风，像闪电一样，飞快地出现在我的身旁，我还没来得及醒过来，她的两只手已经把我的颈脖子紧紧抱住，热情地吻了我一下。后来，对我一句话也没说，又跑到他身边，拉起他的两手，拖着他一起走了。 我望着他们的背影，站立了好久……最后他们两个都从我的视线中消失不见了。 早晨早晨的降临，结束了我的夜晚。天气不好。下着雨，雨点敲打着我的窗玻璃，令人感到凄怆。小房间里漆黑一团，外面也是阴沉沉的。我头痛，发昏，寒热病已经偷偷地钻进了我身体的各个部分。 “有您一封信，先生，是市邮局的邮差送来的。”玛特莲娜俯身对着我说道。 “信！谁来的？”我从坐椅上一跃而起，叫了起来。 “我不知道，先生，你看看吧，或许写着呢！” 我打开铅封。原来信是她写的！ “啊，请您原谅，原谅我！”纳斯金卡在信中对我写道，“我双膝跪着求您，请您原谅我。我欺骗了您也欺骗了我自己。 这是一场梦，一个幻象……我今天为您感到痛心，请您原谅，请您原谅我！ ... “不要怨恨我，因为我在您的面前，没有任何改变。我说过我将来会爱您，而且现在我也爱您，而且还不止于此。啊，天哪！要是我一下能爱上你们两个该有多好啊！啊，要是他是您有多好啊！” “啊，要是他是您有多好啊！”这一句话在我的脑海中一掠而过。我想起了您的话，纳斯金卡！ “上帝知道，我现在该为您做什么好！我知道您心情沉重，十分悲伤。是我伤了您的心，但是您知道，既然爱，受了委曲是不会记很久的，而您是爱我的！ “我很感激！是的，我感谢您对我的这种爱，因为它在我的记忆中，已经留下深深的印记，像一场甜蜜的美梦，醒来后久久不能忘却；因为我将永远记住那一瞬间，当时您像兄弟一样向我敞开您的心，那么宽宏地接受我的一颗破碎心，珍惜它，抚慰它，给它治愈创伤……如果您原谅我，那么，对您的怀念在我的心里必将上升成为对您的永远感激，而这种感激之情是永远也不会从我的心灵之中消失的……我将保留这种情感，对它忠贞不二，永不改变，也决不背叛我自己的心。我的这种感情是始终如一的。昨天它还是那么快地回到了它永远归属于那个人的身边。 “我们将来会见面的，您会来看我们的，您不会抛弃我们，您将永远是我的朋友、兄弟……您见到我的时候，您一定会向我伸过手来……好吗？您会向我伸手，您会原谅我，不是吗？您仍然爱着我，是吗？ “啊，您爱我吧，千万别抛弃我，因为我此时此刻是那么爱您，因为我值得您爱，因为我受之无愧……我亲爱的朋友！ 下星期，我就要和他结婚。他是带着深深的恋情回来的，他从来没有忘记我……我在信中提到他，您千万不要生气。我会带他一起来看您。您会爱上他的，对吗？ “请您原谅我们，请您记住和喜爱您的纳斯金卡。” 这封信，我翻来复去看了好久。我的眼泪夺眶而出。最后，信纸从我手中掉落下来，我两手捂着脸。 “亲爱的！亲爱的！”玛特莲娜开始说话了。 “出什么事啦，老太婆？” “天花板上的蜘珠网我全部扫掉啦，现在您要结婚办喜事、宴请宾客，都行啦！……” 我望了望玛特莲娜……这还是一个精力相当充沛的年轻的老太婆，但是，我不知道为什么，我忽然觉得她目光灰暗，满脸皱纹，腰弯背驼、老态龙钟……我不知道为什么我忽然觉得，我的