Chapter 128 Chapter Thirty-Two

How Longdibilis Claims Being a Turtle Is a Natural Dependency of Marriage Banurge continued: "Now there is only one little problem left. 'Less equals nothing', you must have seen the SPQR① on the Roman flag. Do you think I can be a turtle?" "My God!" exclaimed Rondibilis, "how can you ask me this? Can you be a turtle? I tell you, my friend, that I am a married man, and you will be too. You will Write it in your mind with a stylus: Everyone who is married is in danger of being a turtle. Married people are more closely related to being a turtle than the shadow of a man is to his body. If you hear a man say : 'This man is married,' you reply: 'Then he is, or has been, or will be, or may be a tortoise,' and you will not be told that you do not understand the laws of nature."

"Damn it, damn it!" Panurge also exclaimed, "what is this talking about?" Longdibilis replied: "My friend, Hippocrates set off from Lango ② to Polistiro ③ one day to visit the philosopher Democritus. Before leaving, he gave his old friend Dionysius Leave a letter asking Dionysius to send his wife back to her natal family after he left. His parents-in-law are famous and noble people, and he doesn't want her to stay at home alone. Besides, He also asked Dionysius to take care of her and pay attention to whether she had anyone to visit her at her natal home. He said in the letter: "It's not that I don't believe in her character and chastity. I have tested this in the past and I know it." , but she is a woman after all, nothing more.'

"My friend, the personality of a woman is seen in the image of the moon, especially this: They always hide and dodge in front of and in front of their husbands; once their husbands leave, they are free and free to do whatever they like, wandering here and there, thinking only of themselves, making others Seeing that the relationship between a woman and her husband is exactly the same as that of the moon and the sun, only when it is in the opposite direction to the sun and far away from it, will it show up in the sky and under the earth, and all will shine, especially at night. come out.This is why a woman is a woman.

"When I speak of woman, I mean a sex that is fragile, eccentric, changeable, impermanent, incomplete. I think nature (which I respect and value very much) created woman without the same sanity that creates everything else.I have thought about this matter a hundred and five times, and I haven't come to any other conclusions. I just feel that when creating women, nature thought more about the pleasure of men and the continuation of human beings, and neglected women. Personal perfection.Therefore, Plato was confused as to which category to put them in, the sane animals or the bestial beasts.For nature has placed in them in the most secret and hidden place an organ not found in men, which secretes a salty, acidic, boraxic, bitter, corrosive, emissive, The itching liquid, with its irritation and restless squirming (this organ is very sensitive and prone to attacks), the whole body of the woman is agitated, the heart is moved, and all emotions and thoughts are completely blurred.If nature hadn't put some shame in women's minds, you'd see them run wildly after man's things, like the daughter of Proteus, the rice that was drunk and drunk on the days of Bagus. Maronides ② and Tiades ③ ① Banu Day used "Si Peu Que Rien" (Si Peu Que Rien) to attach the four capital letters SPQR on the Roman flag, which represent:

Senatus populus que romanus (Roman Senate and Nation). ② Longo: Kos in Thrace, the hometown of Hippocrates. ③ Boristilo: Abdelah of Thrace, the hometown of Democritus. ① Hippocrates did not write such a letter. ① The daughter of Proteus, king of Argos, was driven mad by Juno because of her arrogance, and she thought she had turned into a cow. ② Mimaronides: People from Mount Mimas in Asia Minor. ③ Tiades: The ancient Athenians who believed in Bagus. And be afraid of people.Because this amazing organ is related to all the main parts of the body, the anatomy is very clear to us.

"I call this organ 'animal', according to the academics and peripatetics. For if, as Aristotles said, the animal itself is the sign of the animal, then everything that moves by itself It should be called an animal; Plato saw that its movements have suffocation, haste, contraction, and anger. When it is too strong, it can make a woman lose all consciousness. It is similar to fainting, coma, epilepsy, stroke, and real death. There is a reason why it is called an 'animal'. In addition, it also has the ability to distinguish smells, making women sensitive to smell, avoiding stench, and chasing fragrance.

I know that Clotius Galleon is trying to prove that this is not its own activity, but accidental.Other scholars of this school are also trying to explain that it does not have the ability to distinguish smells. Even if it smells different smells, it is only because the things smelled have different essences.If you study carefully, and weigh their arguments and theories in the scales of Critolaus, you will find that, in this case as in many others, much of what these scholars say is not for Searching for the truth, but deliberately opposing senior scholars for the sake of joking. "I won't go into this matter any further. I'll just say to you that it's a big deal for a well-behaved woman, who lives a life chaste and blameless, to control this unruly little 'animal' into obedience to reason. Appreciated. Finally, I repeat that this 'animal' is satisfied (if it can be satisfied) from the food that nature has prepared for it-man-, all activities are fulfilled, hunger is satisfied, madness be appeased. However, don't you wonder that we are constantly in danger of being turtles, because we don't have something to satisfy it every day."

"Damn hell!" Panurge cried again, "Do you have any way to prevent it?" Longdibilis said: "My friend, yes, of course there is, and this method is very good. I also use this method; it was written by a famous writer more than 1,800 years ago. Let me tell you." Panuzhi said before it was too late: "God, you are a good man, I like you with all my heart! Please eat a piece of papaya cake first; papaya is astringent, it will close the door of the stomach and help the brain A work of digestion. Oops! I am selling articles in front of my master! Please let me toast you with this Nestor's glass②. Would you like some more Hippocrates white wine? Don't be afraid to choke You, don't worry. There's no sedge in it, nor ginger, nor rice catkins. Just a selection of cinnamon and the best sugar mixed with La Duviny's chestnut trees, and the rowan tree. High-end liquor made from grapes."

④ Kritolaus: A philosopher of the Peripatetic School in Athens in the second century BC. He once said that if you put the advantages of the soul on one side of the balance and the advantages of the body on the other side of the balance, the advantages of the soul will definitely prevail. ① Refers to Aesop. ② "Nesdor's bosom of wine", tall, with four handles, each supported by two legs, on which are two golden pigeons, pecking at each other.See Homer, book eleven, line sixty-three onwards.