Chapter 89 Chapter Twenty Eight

How the Pagoda miraculously defeated the Thirstman and the Giant Having said this, Paiguguet called for the captive, let him go, and said: "Go back to your king's camp, and tell him what you have seen here, and tell him to be ready to meet me at noon tomorrow; for, when my ships come, it will be no more than tomorrow morning at the latest. I will use 1.8 million soldiers and 7,000 giants, all of whom are bigger than me, to let your king know that invading my country is an act of madness and betrayal of reason." So said Paiguguet, as if he still had an army at sea. But the captive answered that he would submit, that he would never go back again, that he would go with them to fight with Paguguay, and that God, for the sake of God, would allow him to stay.

Paiguguay refused to agree, but instead urged him to set off as soon as he had ordered, and also handed him a box full of euphorbias, and crotons soaked in alcohol like candied confectionery. Seeds, to be brought to his king, and told him that if he could eat a tael of these, he would be able to stand boldly against Panagure. The captive clasped his hands, and begged Paiguguet not to take his life while fighting.Paganogue said to him: "When you tell your king what I say, put all your hopes in God, who will not forsake you; for, say me alone, you can see how strong I am, and how powerful I am in arms , However, I neither rely on my power nor on my strategy, I completely trust my protector God, whoever puts his hope and confidence in God, God will never abandon him."

Then, the prisoner asked him to ask him to ask for less for the ransom fee.Paiguguet answered him that his object was not to rob and extort, but to enrich and restore to others all their liberty. "God bless you, go away," said Paiguguet to him, "don't learn from the bad guys, and may no disaster befall you." When the captives were gone, Paiguguay said to his own people: "Boys, I deliberately made the prisoner feel that we still have troops at sea, and at the same time made him feel that we will not start attacking until noon tomorrow. My purpose is to make them think that the army is coming, and some deployments must be made tonight. and the disposition of defenses; I mean as soon as it gets dark."

Leaving aside for a moment the talk of Paguguea and his disciples, we shall speak first of King Anarchy and his army. Immediately after the captive returned, he went to the king, and told him how a great giant, named Paguguet, had come and defeated all the six hundred and fifty-nine cavalry at once, and burned them alive. In addition, the giant told him to tell the king to prepare a feast to meet him at noon tomorrow, because he would attack on time at the appointed time. So saying, he handed the box of sweets to the king.But the king only took one spoonful, and he felt his throat was burning like a fire. The little tongue seemed to be rotten, and the big tongue hurt unbearably. No matter what medicine he gave him, it would not work unless he was kept drinking. , because as long as the bowl leaves his ① Euphorbia, it tastes bitter and poisonous, and a small amount can cause esophageal pain and even death.

② Croton seeds: a strong laxative with a very bitter taste. mouth, he felt his tongue was burning like fire.So they had to put a funnel up his mouth and pour the wine down. His ministers, officers, and guards, seeing the king like this, also tasted the medicine, to see if it quenched thirst so much; and they all became like the king, too.Everyone was drinking from the bottles, and in a short time the news spread throughout the camp that the soldier who had been captured had returned, that the enemy was coming tomorrow, that the king and the officers were on their deployment, and the guards They are all drinking to their heart's content.In this way, there is no one in the whole battalion who does not drink a lot, drinking for fun.In the end, they were all so drunk that they fell asleep on the ground like pigs, lying all over the ground in disorder.

Let us now return to our good Paguguet, and tell how he prepared to act. They started from the place where the stele was erected, and Paiguguet carried the ship's mast in his hand like a pilgrim's staff, and in the mast he filled two hundred and thirty-seven casks of Angus wine and brought from Rouen. Then he tied the boat full of salt to his belt, which was as light as a German mercenary woman carrying a small basket, and he and his companions set off on the road together. When he came to a place not far from the enemy's camp, Banuzhi said to him: "My lord, do you want to make this expedition go smoothly? Please unload Angru's white wine from the mast shed, and let's have a Breton drinking method here first."

Paguguai readily agreed, so they took the two hundred and thirty-seven barrels of wine, except for Banuge, and filled them with a skin gourd—the skin gourd is made of the ripe skin of Tour, which Banuge called Make Vademecum ③—and leave the bottom of a few barrels that can only be used as vinegar, drink it clean, not a drop is left. After they had had a good drink, Panuge gave Paguguay a little medicine, which was a bladder stone breaker, a kidney tonic, a quince quince paste, and other diuretics.After eating, Pagano said to Gabalin: "I ordered you to use your good lightness skills to climb into the city from the city wall like a mouse, tell the soldiers in the city, tell them to leave the city immediately, and use all their strength to compete with the enemy. After that, come back from the city Come down, light a torch, and set fire to all the camps and tents of the enemy; and then, shouting with your resounding throat, hurry back from their camp."

"Got it," said Gabalin, "but wouldn't it be better to block all their cannons?" "No, no," said Paiguguet, "simply light their gunpowder." Gabalin set out immediately after receiving the order, and called all the soldiers in the city out of the city in accordance with Panagure's instructions. Then, they set fire to the enemy's camps and tents, and walked over them lightly. They snored and slept soundly, without noticing it at all.Gabalin went to the place where they fired the cannon and set fire to the powder.But here lies the danger: for the fire was too hasty, it almost missed poor Gabalin; if he hadn't been quick and quick, he would have been roasted like a pig; but he flew away. Come out, even the arrows fired from a crossbow are not as fast as him.

① Angru: In the present province of Maine Royale, the capacity of Angru wine barrels is 178 liters. ② Bretons are famous for their good drinking, "Breton-style drinking", which means drinking without leaving a drop. ③ Latin: "things that never go away." ① Guanjing Papaya Sauce: A diuretic, mentioned in the works of Hippocrates, Galen, Dioscorides and others. ② There is also here in the first edition: "Your throat is more terrifying than Stendall's, although Stendall's throat was heard by all the Trojans in the war." After he ran out of the trench, he shouted at the top of his voice, as if he had opened the gates of hell and released all the ghosts.After his yelling, the enemy just woke up, but do you know what they have become?I was completely as confused as when I heard the first bell of the morning scriptures called "rubbing eggs" in Luzon ③ dialect.

By this time Paiguguet had begun to sprinkle his ship's load of salt, for they all slept with their mouths open, and he filled their throats so full that the wretched ones looked like foxes. He coughed, and cried out: "Ah, Paguguet, you really add fuel to the flames!" Paguguet, who had taken the medicine that Panurge had given him, had a sudden urge to urinate, and so he urinated in their camp. A good one drowned them all, and caused a great flood for ten leagues around.According to history, if his father's mare also urinates at this time, the insurance is greater than the flood in the time of Deucalion ③: because it does not urinate without rushing out a river deeper than the Rhone and the Danube. big river.

When people from the city saw it, they all said: "How miserable they died, look how much blood was shed." This was their mistake, and they took the urine of the Pagogous for the blood of the enemy, because they saw it as blood by the light of the burning tent and the light of the moon. After the enemy woke up, he saw the fire in the camp on one side and the flood of urine and urine on the other. He really didn't know what to say or what to think.Some said it was the end of the world, that the time of the Last Judgment had come, and that all must be burnt; Water is salty, like sea water. Oh, now who can tell how Pagoda dealt with the three hundred giants?O my Muse, my Calliope, my Talia, enlighten me!Pull up my spirits, you see, this is the bridge of the donkey in logic ⑤, this is where the stumble occurs, and this is where the difficulty of expressing this fierce battle lies. As far as I am concerned, I would like to have a good bowl of wine now, a bowl of good wine that no one who reads this true story will ever drink! ③ Luzon: the capital of the Vendée province in France. ① "Egg rubbing": It is said that as soon as the morning bell rings, the sleeping person wakes up in a daze, and the first thing he does is to touch his own eggs instinctively. ② The original text is a dialect of Boiadu: Tant tu nous chauffes le tizon!It means: "We are already very thirsty, why do you increase our thirst?" There is an idiom in Latin: Sitio ad ignem. The same effect. ③ Deucalion: The son of Prometheus in mythology, the husband of Bela, Jupiter, because of his hatred of human crimes, caused the flood to wipe out the world. Deucalion was ordered by his father to build a ship and live on the ship with his wife, and drifted to Pascal. On Mount Nasai, where there are no traces of people, couples take stones and scatter them behind them, husbands who scatter them become men, and wives who scatter them become women.Deucalion is known as Noah in Greece, and the story can be seen in Ovid.Deucalion was the king of Tessalia at that time. ① Proteus: Poseidon, son of Neptune. ② Triton: Poseidon, also the son of Neptune. ③ Calliope: The god of poetry, sometimes holds a roll of paper in his hand, sometimes holds a board in one hand, and a knife in the other. ④ Talia: The god of poetry and drama, holding a fake face. ⑤ "Donkey bridge in logic": Refers to unavoidable difficult problems.