Chapter 73 Chapter Twelve

How Monsieur de Humovinas defended himself before the Grandeur At this moment Monsieur de Humovinas began the following defense: "My lords, my lords, if the injustices in the world could be identified as easily as flies in milk, then this world, what a damn cow! It wouldn't be bitten like this by mice, Many of the ears that they have so viciously bitten off may still be on the ground. For—regardless of what the other party says, how it is said in words, in factum ②The narrative is as seamless as real velvet—My lords, Scheming, deceit, and hypocrisy are all but what is hidden under a pot of roses.

"Now, when I'm not turning my sinful thoughts, or uttering bad words, and drinking my double soup, should I suffer to be harassed by people banging shit on me, and saying: 'Whoever eats wine and soup will be blind after death'? "Ah, Holy Mother! how many tall officers have we seen, on the battlefield, playing their lutes and farting loudly, for the sake of comfort, while the bread consecrated in the monastery was distributed, on the battery Jump up and down! "There's no more lucester's cloth in the world now; this goes to the absurd, that goes to five, four, two, and if the courts don't order, there will be as much robbery this year as there was and will be drinking. Suppose a tormented man goes to the bathroom to smear himself with cow dung, or to buy winter boots, and a passing police officer or patrolman happens to get a basin of dirty water or dung all over him from one of the upper windows, then Should the head on the silver coin be cut off, and the silver coin with the crown smashed into pieces?

"Sometimes we think of one thing, and Heaven does another, and after the sun goes down, all living things fall into darkness. I don't want others to believe this if it is not clearly testified in broad daylight. I. "In that year, thirty-six, I bought a German warhorse, tall, short, well-furred, covered in flowers, certified by the silversmith, only the notary added some cetera. I didn't have that Knowledgeable, you can bite the moon with your teeth, but as long as you have a cream jar with Wu Gang's tools. Some people say that after eating corned beef, wine can be found in the dark night without candles, even if it is hidden in a cloth bag selling charcoal, covered with a mask and armor, but this is all to scare those sheep-headed idiots for human use.As the saying goes, when you are in love, you can see even a black cow in a burnt wood.I asked learned people about this matter, and they came to the conclusion based on frisesomorum⑥, first of all, there is nothing like the same incoherent text as the previous chapter that filled the city of Lyon on the Rhone with paper, pens, ink, and knives in summer. .

② Latin: "fact". ① In some versions, there is also: "Put on beautiful shoes cut into shrimp whiskers". ② Lucester: the city of Leicester, which was famous for woolen fabrics in England at that time. ③ Refers to the silver coin minted in 1513 by the Louis XII Dynasty, on which the king's head was cast. ④ Latin: "blah blah blah", referring to trivial details. ⑤ Wu Gang: The Roman god of fire and metal, the son of Jupiter, the husband of the god of beauty, was very ugly when he was born, and was thrown down from Mount Olympus by his mother Juno and became lame. Your Majesty will forge iron and mine with Siklopo. "Wu Gang's tools" means all the tools of the blacksmith.

⑥ Latin, referring to the first formula of the nine formulas of the syllogism. It's better to cut grass in the cellar, where you can ramble, because as soon as a pair of armor smells of garlic, the rust will corrode into the liver inside, so it will cause neck pain after a nap, so The price of salt is so high. "My lords, don't believe that when that woman caught that bird in memory of her favorite bailiff, her entrails had to be exploited by usurers. There was no better defense against the Caniba. The method is to prepare a bunch of green onions, tie three hundred radishes on it, and also have enough alchemist's intestines membrane, burn the shoes to ashes, and soak them inside and out in high-quality soy sauce made from radish roots. Then hide yourself in the mole hole, don't forget to leave more fat.

"If the dice come only doubles, long threes, and ones, then you throw the queen on the corner of the bed, dance on her, ouch, drink more, depiscando grenoillibus, put thick-soled boots on everyone; let moult The little bird wags its tail, and waits for the beer drinker to forge the iron and melt the wax. "Of course, the four cows in question have a bad memory; but in order to learn this trick, they are not afraid of either cormorants or Savoy's ducks, so the good old people in my hometown have great hopes, Said: "In the future, these children must be great mathematicians and celebrities in the field of law." If our fence is higher than the other party's wind mill, then we are sure to catch wolves. But the big devil became jealous and took The Germans are placed in the back, these people only know how to drink: 'Her, tringue, tringue!' ⑤ A top two, because there is no phenomenon that can explain that there is a kind of grass chicken on the small bridge in Paris, although the feathers on their heads are very similar to Teal. So really sacrificing red ink to cover freshly cast capitals or cursives is all the same to me, as long as the book rings are free from worms.

"So during the mating period of the dogs, the young were caught by horns, and the notary did not record it with psychic techniques, so using (except that the courts had better judgments) six 'albon's of grass, could Make three big barrels of good ink, and pay no cash, and I'll bet you for six silver pieces at the funeral of King Charles, and you'll be able to buy a market full of wool. "Usually when I see a good family, when I go to catch birds in the wild, I always scan it three times on the fireplace, remember the name, and tie my waist straight, and fart a few times. He had a ball, because the cow returned it to him as soon as the letter arrived.

"In that same year, seventeen years ago, an order of the same kind was issued in a martingale manner, and the court might as well take it seriously because of Lutzfergeros' poor management. "I don't think it is possible for a person to justifiably exploit others, just like drinking holy water is like taking away the weaver's shuttle, and whoever is unwilling to accept it, give them a drug, or give it back. "Tunc, my lords, quid juris pro minoribus②? According to the custom of the Salian law③, whoever adds fire first gets the cow, and whoever blows his nose while singing does not sing of the cobbler's stitches , if it's a big belly, you can make up for his fellow with the snot that freezes at midnight mass, and drink more Anjou white wine, drink wine, and be like a Breton Grab the collar and fight.

① Kaniba people: people who eat people. ② On the first edition: "With three hundred Ave Maria." ③ Latin: "jumps better than a frog". ④ Intentionally refers to the Duke of Savoy, because "Duc" (Duc) is the same as "duck" (duck), so the author called him "Duck". ⑤ German: "Come on, cheers, cheers!" ① Duschat's note: "Martingale" is the court Martin Mas through Provins; another said it refers to St. Ma ② Latin: "So, my lords, what law is there for a few people?" ③ The arbitrary code of the ancient Franks.

"Nothing else but claim for costs, damages and interest." After Monsieur de Humorvena had finished speaking, Paiguguet said to Monsieur de Baizcur: "Friend, do you have anything to argue with?" Baizgul replied: "No, sir, for I am only speaking the truth. For God's sake, please put an end to our quarrel. We are both at great expense here."