Chapter 17 What is the second part of love like? (3)

At this time, I no longer feel sorry, really!I seem to be the sun!His sunken cheeks, wild-eyed face, brightened at the sight of me!I am totally compensated! We ate like hungry ghosts, and if I remember correctly, we both devoured two pounds of bread at one go. Then, he took off the guitar.There is no doubt that I have a relationship with guitar players! Life is good, and even though he only plays on two strings, and despite his ugliness, I feel myself blissfully blissful! My optimistic personality quickly got the upper hand and I sang... sang! But, then, as for that little thing, there is nothing to be done!

Eight days have passed... still nothing can be done!I am still a virgin. He got impatient and thought it was my fault. So, one night, he brought back two women he knew and made them sleep with me. Then he fucked them one after the other while I watched.It seems pretty easy. However, seeing him betray me, I really feel bad, my heart hurts so much.Still, I hide my jealousy, I'm not angry. You can understand, this is love, first love!Makes people think of eternal first love! He paints watercolors, but watercolors are not easy to sell! I found an hour of chores at the home of a photographer who lived with his wife and who worked for a correctional facility.

He photographed groups of thirteen- to eighteen-year-old boys and girls who wanted to live their own lives, and whose heartless parents had them locked up so they could be left alone until they came of age. I thought, I'm not sixteen yet, and I want to live my own life! Fortunately, my mother never worried about me too much. She understood that instead of sending me to this so-called "penitentiary" place, it would be better for me to live without food for several years! At least, if I did anything wrong, it wasn't in gangs. I am the only one who is guilty, I will not infect others, and I will not be infected by others.

Life University is the best school, and it is the only school where I aspire to study for a long time. Of course, if my mother hadn't been so young and not so cute, she would have had more time to take care of me, and I would probably be just like any other girl! However, I don't blame her!I understand that she needs a life too, and I understand that being a big girl like me is going to get in her way. Plus, now, I have someone in my life who seems to love me, care about me, and sometimes, be gentle and kind! However, as the days passed, life became more and more difficult.Robert despaired that he had not been able to make me his mistress.He brought other women home, and it gradually became a habit.

He lost his temper easily.We sometimes have nothing to eat all day.He became vicious and blamed me for not helping him.As for me, I firmly hold on to this first feeling that someone else gave me. I'm in pain, but I don't show it. One day, he took me to the Great Forest, because it was a war, and there were many soldiers from various countries on the road. He pointed them out to me and I was amazed but didn't understand what he wanted.He said they were rich.What does this have to do with me? But at this moment, he left me and asked me to find a job.I want to cry!I dare not think about the meaning of his words, what kind of job he wants me to find.

I stubbornly looked up at the small posters stuck to the wall. However, no suitable work could be found. I was cold and hungry again, and I dragged myself through the freezing snow and muddy water.I can't take it anymore! I'm not far from Porte Saint-Denis, it's already dark, I don't have a sou on me, and I can't go back to Montparnasse. My frozen hands ached and I noticed a silver ring on my finger. I came to a small jewelry shop that also majored in watches and clocks. I didn't have an ID card, and the boss was unwilling to buy my ring.I only asked him for five sous, but he threw me out.what should I do?I will never go back to Montparnasse.

My eyes were blurred, and I felt weak for a while, so I leaned on a gas nozzle. I was so desperate that I burst into tears, not paying attention to what was going on around me. The crowd passed by me, and everyone was anxious to go back to their homes!A woman leaned towards me.She tried to stop the passing man.I understand that this is what Robert told me about work. The woman threw a sentence: "Hey, little girl, what's the matter? Are you having a hard time?" She must not have understood much of my story, but she still dug into her bag for a while: "Here. Look, I don't have a penny! Take the stamps and sell them."

At this time, it was past half past eight.I was standing in front of the Saint-Denis Metro station with those stamps in my hand, but I was a shy person and the stamps couldn't be sold.I'm probably not very good-looking: my eyes are red, my hair is hanging on my face... I'm shivering from the cold! In this way, I stood for two hours! The policeman standing on the seat belt noticed me, he looked at me from time to time, I was trembling in my heart, afraid that he would take me away!At this time, he came to me and asked what I was doing here.I replied that I had no money for the subway and asked him if he would buy my stamps.He laughed, but he gave me five sous and told me not to do it with his colleagues, it doesn't always work out!

Think about it, there were only two people who expressed pity for me, but they were people who were despised or hated by others! I return to Montparnasse dejectedly!Robert disdained to look at me as much as he disdained to look at the holes in his stockings... God knows, he has a lot of them! The next day, hearing that he was going to La Dme and La Rotonde, I decided to follow.