Chapter 15 -2

Knecht took a deep breath and was silent for a moment.Alexander didn't say anything, just looked at him expectantly.Knecht nodded thoughtfully, and continued: "Over the years, this kind of thinking has become a double burden for me. I have a heavy responsibility to fulfill, but I can't let go of my love. I realized from the outset that this kind of love does not impair the performance of my official duties. On the contrary, I think it can also be beneficial to my work. I think I should try to do my work as flawlessly as is expected of a master; of course, I know , even if there are deficiencies, I am more flexible and sober than some rigid colleagues, and I can always give something to my students and colleagues. From this, I see my mission, to expand and heat up gently and slowly The life and thought of Castalia infuse it with fresh blood drawn from the secular world and history without in any way destroying its connection with tradition. Coincidentally, there is a secular person outside Castalia who is also It was a beautiful coincidence that a very similar idea was formed at this time, the man who dreamed of a friendly and interpenetrating relationship between Castalia and the profane world was Plinio Tersig Nolly."

Master Alexander twitched the corner of his mouth slightly, and said: "Ah, that's right, I never expected this person to have any good influence on you. He is not much better than your spoiled subordinate Deglarius .Then it was this Tsignoli who drove you to extremes and completely ruined the church organization?" "No, my lord, although he helped me in this matter, he did not know the truth about me. He brought fresh air into my quiet life, and through him I was reconnected with the world. Until then, I did not It is possible to see and admit that my time in Castalia has come to an end, that the work here is no longer pleasant to me, that it is time to end this torment. It is time to abandon an old phase, I've traveled through another space, this time the Castalian space."

"How can you talk like that!" Alexander shook his head in protest. "Is Castalia so small that it's not worth dedicating one's life to! Do you really think you've passed through and transcended this space?" "Oh, that's not what I meant," Knecht said aloud a little excitedly, "I never meant what you said. When I say that I have reached the edge of this space, I just mean that I have reached completion." The pinnacle of job competence. I, as a master of the glass bead game, performed the same job endlessly over and over again. For some time, I repeated empty drills and formulas. I was neither happy nor passionate, and sometimes lost confidence. It's time to stop."

Alexander sighed. "That's just your opinion, not the church's rules. It's not unusual for a church member to have occasional tantrums and get tired of work. The rules of the church will show him a way to regain inner harmony , able to concentrate on work again. Have you forgotten?" "My lord, I don't think so. My work has been disclosed to you for your inspection. Recently, after you received my circulation letter, you even sent a special person to investigate the Glass Bead Game Academy and myself. Are you sure that Walter Zell was doing well, the secretarial office and archives were working in order, and the master of the glass bead game was neither ill nor emotional.

I have to thank you for your brilliant enlightenment back then. It was these moral rules that kept me energetic and calm.However, it still cost me a lot of effort.I regret that hardly any less energy has been expended now in order to convince you that I am not in a mood, or a whim, or a selfish desire.Whether or not my efforts are in vain, I at least want you to acknowledge that I, and my work, have been functioning well and productively until your inspection. My request is not too much, right? " Master Alexander blinked sarcastically. "Mr. Colleague," replied Alexander, "you speak as if two private persons were chatting casually. This attitude is only suitable for you alone. Yes, you are indeed speaking in a private capacity now. I am not, What I think and say is not my personal opinion, but what the leader of the authority of a religious group wants to say. Every word and every word of mine is accountable to the highest executive authority. Everything you said today is not what will happen.

No matter how earnest you may be, all your words are words of private interest.But I am a serving official, and what I say and do today will have consequences.I will send your case to the Administration for adjudication.Perhaps the highest educational authority will accept your account of events, or even acknowledge your decision. —Then, I think the case is settled, and until yesterday you were a blameless Castalian, a perfect master of the glass bead game, and perhaps, if you have been influenced by various ideas in your head, Poisoned by duty-weariness, yet you fought and won.Let's admit it, but I still don't understand why an irreproachable master who behaved the same way one day can turn himself around the next?

There is an explanation that is easier for me to accept: For a long time, there was a master who was psychologically injured and sick in heart, and in fact he was no longer a healthy Castalian, although he himself insisted that he was a genuine Castalian. Li people. Besides, I am baffled, why do you insist on being a master of conscientiousness until now?Why build that argument, since you've taken the step of exodus, you've broken your oath of obedience, you've committed treachery, what good is it doing? " Knecht immediately retorted: "My lord, why shouldn't I care about this issue? It is related to my reputation and the commemorative content of my stay here. It is also related to my stay in Castalia. I am not standing here today to fight for anything for myself, nor even to obtain the approval of the administration. I have already estimated that my colleagues will have doubts about my work and regard it as a problem. I have also made mental preparations. But I never want to be regarded as a traitor or a lunatic, and that is a sentence I cannot accept.

I have done certain things that you must object to, because I must, because it is my calling, because it is my destiny—and I not only believe it should be done, but I have done it well.If you cannot accept my statement, then I will have no choice but to fail. " "Walking around always in the same place," replied Alexander, "you want me to admit that, under certain circumstances, a personal wish has the right to violate the rules and regulations I believe in and represent. But I can't do both, To believe in our order, and at the same time allow you to personally violate it—oh, please don't interrupt me. From all your indications, I can only admit the following fact: You are convinced that you have taken such a terrible step. Meaningful action, convinced that you are answering an inner calling. Of course, you must not expect me to agree with your steps themselves. On the other hand, you have achieved your goal, because I have also changed my original intention and do not want to shake you Your determination has brought you back. I agree with your resignation from the religious community and notify the administration of your voluntary resignation.

I cannot make any further concessions, Joseph Knecht. " The Master of the Glass Bead Game made a gesture of resignation, and then said calmly: "I thank you very much, my lord, I have delivered to you my seal. I will now hand over to you a few more pages of my written report on the current state of Waldzell. Report, the most important of which is about the teaching staff and some representative figures, from which I believe that the successor to the master's position can be selected." Knecht took out a few pages of folded paper from his pocket, laid them flat on the table, then stood up, and Alexander stood up immediately.Knecht took a step closer to him, stared into the other's eyes for a long time with a sad face, then bowed, and said, "I wanted to ask you to shake my hand and say goodbye, but now I think I'd better stop thinking about it. Good. I have always had special respect for you, and nothing has changed today. Farewell, my dear and respected master."

Alexander stood still, his face paled slightly.For a moment, he seemed to want to stretch out his hand to say goodbye to the fareweller.He felt his eyes gradually moisten, so he just nodded, answered Knecht's bow, and let him go away. After Knecht closed the door behind him, the leader still stood motionless, listening to the gradually receding footsteps, and only when the last footsteps disappeared in the silence did he begin to walk back and forth in the room Pacing, until footsteps sounded outside the door again, and there was a soft knock on the door.The young waiter came in to report that a visitor was waiting.

"Tell him I'll see him in an hour, and I beg him to be as brief as possible, I have an urgent matter here to be attended to promptly. — Ah, wait! Go to the secretariat at once, inform the first secretary, and summon the whole body the day after tomorrow. The leader must attend the meeting and everyone must attend. Only those who are seriously ill can ask for leave. Then go to the administrator and inform him that I have to go to Waldzell tomorrow morning, and ask him to prepare the car before seven o'clock..." "Ah," replied the young man, "the game master has left a car for you to use." "what happened?" "Master Game Master drove here yesterday. When he left, he told us that he would continue his journey on foot, leaving the car for your use." "Very well, then. I will drive to Waldzell to-morrow. Please repeat what has to be done." The young man repeated: "I will receive the visiting guests within an hour, and ask him to speak as briefly as possible. Please ask the first secretary to call all the leaders for a meeting the day after tomorrow, and all must attend. Only those who are seriously ill can ask for leave. Tomorrow morning at 7 o'clock, sit in a glass ball game The master's carriage goes to Waldzell." As soon as the young man walked away, Master Alexander immediately took a deep breath.Alexander walked to the table where Knecht was sitting opposite, his ears were still ringing with the distant footsteps of that incomprehensible person, he loved this person more than anyone else, but this person brought him such Heavy pain.Since the days when he first assisted Knecht in his post, he has always loved Knecht, liked all the characteristics of this person, including Knecht's walking gait, he liked to see him walk.His footsteps are steady and rhythmic, and he is also very brisk. Yes, he can almost be called graceful, showing a taste between dignity and childishness, piety and elegance. What a unique and lovely way And the elegant gait, how well matched Knecht's appearance and voice. This gait is also well suited to Knecht's manliness and cheerful demeanor as a Castalian and master of the glass bead game, sometimes reminiscent of that of the previous master Thomas von der Travey. The aristocratic demeanor sometimes reminds me of the simple and moving demeanor of the former music master.Now Knecht just left like this, hurried away, walked away, he didn't know where he was going, maybe he, Alexander, would never see him again, never hear his laughter again, see Not until he traced the hieroglyphs conceived by the glass ball game with his slender fingers.Alexander picked up the few pages of material that Knecht had left on the table and began to read.They are like a short will, very concise and specific, often just outlines and general words, rather than general discourse, and their purpose is to facilitate the future management of the Glass Bead Game Academy by the highest educational authority, as well as to create new ones. The job of the glass bead game master.These concise reminders are clearly written in beautiful and slender fonts. Knecht’s words and handwriting, like his face, voice, and gait, are engraved with Joseph Knecht’s unique and indescribable The unique nature of confusion.It will be difficult for the top administration to find another successor on his level.A real leader and a real character are rare, and it is a blessing, a gift, not even in Castalia, in this elite field, to have such a person. exception. Josef Knecht enjoyed the hike, which he hadn't done in many years. Yes, he recalled carefully, he probably recalled his last real hike.On his return from Mariafell Abbey to Walzell for the annual celebration of the Glass Bead Game, which was overshadowed by the serious illness and subsequent death of Master Thomas, he himself was chosen for the heir.Usually, whenever he thought of those days, his student days and the days of staying in the bamboo hut, it was as if he was in a gloomy room looking out at the sunny and happy vast fields outside, looking at the past that would never return, It's like seeing a paradise composed of memories.Memories of this kind recur in the mind, always in scenes so different from ordinary, everyday reality, they are the unfolding of a very remote scene, full of mystery and festive atmosphere, even when he is not melancholy. Same goes for when it shows up.However, at this very moment, Knecht strolled forward contentedly on this sunny and happy September afternoon, looking around leisurely, looking at the colorful world beside him, as well as the beautiful world in the distance. Dreamy, soft and confused, blue to purple tones, in this situation, he felt that the hiking trip a long time ago no longer seemed completely different from real life, the distant past or the paradise in his dream seemed to be in his In real life, he was repeating the wanderings of the past. Today's Joseph Knecht and the Knecht of the past are simply brothers.He felt that everything about himself had been renewed, full of mystery and hope, not only had everything that existed in the past returned to him, but also many new things had been added.Knecht has been eagerly looking forward to this world for a long time, how beautiful, pure, and carefree, a kind of joy of being free and in control of one's own destiny, like drinking a bottle of fine wine, a warm current flows All over the body.This precious feeling, this vision of supreme bliss, he had not experienced for many years!Knecht pondered, and suddenly remembered a certain moment: he had just tasted this rare and wonderful feeling back then, but was immediately imprisoned.He remembered that it happened during a conversation with Master Thomas, under the pressure of the other's kind and ironic eyes, yes, now he remembered clearly the moment when he lost his freedom. The strange feeling of the name is gone.In fact, it is not pain, not a searing distress, but a sense of dread, a faint shiver of some kind of pressure on the back, a warning tingle in the diaphragm. Pain, a sudden change in body temperature, especially a change in the rhythm of life.The sense of fear, shrinkage, and suffocation that was formed at that turning point of fate have all been offset or healed now. Knecht had made a decision the day before driving to Hillsland: no matter what happened, he would not regret it.Now he restrained himself from recalling the details of the conversation with Alexander and the arguments and confrontations.Knecht allowed himself to relax completely, enjoying the feeling of freedom with a completely open mind. He felt like a farmer after a hard day's work and greeted the twilight leisure. He knew that he was safe and had no obligation to fulfill. Knowing that he was temporarily relieved of all work, all responsibility, and without having to think about anything, he allowed himself to be surrounded by brightly colored daytime, soft light everywhere, sights and images everywhere, the real present everywhere, nothing foreign There is neither yesterday nor tomorrow.Knecht walked all the way, and occasionally hummed a marching song contentedly. It was a song he sang in three parts or four parts when he went out with his classmates when he was studying at the Eichholtz Elite School.From that blissful childhood morning in Knecht's life, a series of small clear images and sounds flew out, like a flock of withered birds flapping their wings towards him. Knecht stopped under a cherry tree whose leaves were already turning purple, and then sat down in the grass to take a rest.He reached into the breast pocket of his coat and pulled out something that Master Alexander must have never imagined he would carry with him: a small wooden flute, which he gazed at for a moment with tender love.He had not owned this simple and lovely instrument like a child for a long time, probably less than half a year.Knecht happily recalled the day he got it.At that time, he drove to Montepo to discuss some music theory issues with his old classmate Carlo Ferromonti.Their conversation turned to wooden wind instruments of certain ages, and he begged the friend to show him Montepo's collection of instruments.They visited several halls displaying ancient pipe organs, harps, lutes and pianos with great interest, and then came to a warehouse where school teaching instruments were stored.Knecht saw a cabinet full of such small wooden flutes. He took one, tried to play it for a while, and then asked his friend if he could take one away.Carlo laughed and asked him to choose one, then laughed and brought a receipt for him to sign, and then explained to him the structure of this small instrument, how to use fingering, and playing skills.Since then, Knecht has been carrying this cute little toy and practicing from time to time - he played the reed pipe in his childhood, and he has not played a wind instrument since he was in Eichholtz, but he has made many vows , one day I will have to learn this instrument again.In addition to practicing scales, Knecht also studied an anthology of ancient songs compiled by Pheromonti for beginners, so the sweet and soft sound of the wooden flute often came from the game master's small garden or bedroom .Although Knecht was far from being a master of playing the wooden flute, he did learn to play many choruses and poems. He not only knew the pieces well, but could also recite the lyrics of many of them.At this moment, a line from one of those songs popped into his mind because it fit the scene so well. He whispered a few lines of verses: My head and limbs have fallen and died, but now I am standing firmly, I look up at the sky, refreshed and happy. He raised the flute to his mouth, and while playing this song, he looked at the white mountains gradually extending from the vast plain to the distance, and at the same time, he was listening to this pious and beautiful poem turning into a sweet sound of the flute. He felt himself one with the sky, the mountains, the poetry, the day, complete.Knecht was intoxicated by the round magic flute, and with the sliding of his ten fingers, this wonderful feeling was constantly produced; he thought of the property he took away from Walzell in addition to the clothes he was wearing. , only this little toy flute is left. Over the years he had amassed something more or less private, especially articles, notes, and the like.He left everything behind, and he was willing to let the people of the Glass Bead Game Academy take advantage of it. He did, however, bring out this wooden flute, glad to have it with him, and it was a humble and lovely companion. The traveler reached the capital the next day.He knocked on the door of Tesignoli's house.Plinio rushed downstairs to meet him, and embraced him passionately. "We've been waiting for you, and we're getting impatient!" he cried. "You've taken a big step forward, my friend, and hopefully it's good for us all. They let you go! I can't believe it!" Knecht smiled slightly. "Look, I'm here. But it's a long story, let me elaborate on it later! I want to meet my students first, and of course I want to say hello to my wife. I want to talk to you about my new position. everything. I'd love to get to work right away." Plinio called for a maid, and bade her fetch his son at once. "Are you referring to the little master?" She seemed to be surprised to ask, but she ran to look for it in a hurry.Plinio led his friend into the guest room, and impatiently reported to Knecht the preparations he had made for the guests' visit, as well as his ideas for educating Tito.He said that everything was arranged according to Knecht's wishes. Tito's mother didn't agree with it at first, but later she figured it out.Their family has a holiday villa on the mountain, they named it "Bilp", the villa was built by the lake, with beautiful scenery.Knecht will live there temporarily with his disciples, and an old maid will take care of the housework for them. She has gone there to make preparations the day before.Of course, they can only live there for a short period of time, at most until the beginning of winter, and this separation will certainly benefit the first stage of educational work.He was thankful that his son loved the mountains, and he also loved Villa Bilpu, so Tito was very happy to live in the mountains without any resistance.When Tsignoli said this, he suddenly remembered that he had a photo album of the villa and its surroundings, so he led Knecht into the study, excitedly found the photo album, and opened the photo album to The guest described the shape and landform of the villa: a farmhouse-style house, a stove with a tiled surface, a garden gazebo, a lakeside bath, and a waterfall. "Are you still interested?" he asked eagerly. "Will you be comfortable living there?" "Why is it uncomfortable?" Knecht said calmly. "Why hasn't Tito come yet? You've been sending for him for a while." They continued chatting for a while, and at last they heard footsteps outside the door; the door opened, but neither Tito nor the sent maid came in.Tito's mother, Madame Tesignoli, enters the room.Knecht stood up and greeted her.She stretched out her hand to him, and smiled in a slightly contrived friendly manner to welcome him. Knecht could see that there was an indescribable anxiety or annoyance hidden under her polite smile.No sooner had she managed to say a few words of welcome than she turned to her husband with a swift and vehement complaint. "It's too bad," she yelled. "Who would have thought that Tito was gone? He's nowhere to be found." "Oh, he must have gone away," said Plinio reassuringly, "and he will be back soon." "It's a pity that's not the case," said the lady, "he's been out all day, and I haven't seen him since early morning." "Then why didn't you tell me until now?" "Because I thought he would come home anytime, and I didn't want to disturb you if it wasn't necessary. At first I thought he was just out for a walk, and I didn't expect anything to happen. I didn't start worrying until Tito didn't come back at noon. You didn't eat at home at noon today, otherwise you would have known about this situation. Even at lunch, I comforted myself that this child was always careless and kept me waiting. But now it seems that this is not the case. " "Please allow me to ask a question," said Knecht, "Does this young man know that I am coming to the house? Do you know the plans you have for him and me? " "Of course, Monsieur Master. And he seems to like the plan. At least he seems to prefer you as a teacher to being sent to a school again." "Well," said Knecht relieved, "then there is nothing to worry about. Madame, your son has always been free, especially recently, so for him it is about to be disciplined by a teacher and an instructor." He is obviously a very annoying thing. So he avoided it for a while before he was about to be handed over to the new teacher. Maybe he thought that if he wanted to get rid of this fate completely, it seemed that this possibility It was very little, so he tried to delay a little, he could never lose anything by doing so. Besides, he might play tricks on his parents and the teacher they had found for him, so as to show himself Deliberately against the will of the entire adult world and teachers." Tesignoli was glad that Knecht was able to see the situation more easily.But he was still full of worry, and his love for his son actually made him imagine all kinds of possible dangers.He was very anxious, maybe the child really ran away, maybe he would really do something to hurt himself?Ah, everything is possible, and it seems they have to pay for past neglects and mistakes in their upbringing, why just now, when they are trying to remedy them. Tsignoli refused to listen to Knecht's advice and insisted on taking some actions. He felt that he could not accept this fact without taking any action, so he became more and more anxious and nervous, which made Knecht very nervous. It's pity on him. So they decided to send people to the homes of several old noble families where Tito occasionally stayed overnight to inquire about the situation.Knecht breathed a sigh of relief when Madame de Signoli herself went out, leaving only the pair of friends at home. "Plinio," said he, "you look as if your son had just been brought home dead. Tito is no longer a child, he will not be run over by a car, nor will he be tricked into eating poisonous cherries.So I advise you, dear friend, it's better to stabilize your mood.Now that your child is not at home, let me teach you what I intended to teach him.I have made some observations of you, and I find that you are not in a very good condition.The moment a competitive athlete receives an unexpected blow or threat, his muscles will automatically make a necessary response, or stretch or contract, to help him grasp a favorable position and defeat the opponent.Therefore, I advise you, my student Plinio, to also learn how to deal with the moment of being hit.When you take a blow--or you exaggerately think you have a blow--you should use this most basic defense method to protect your spirit from the shock. You must control your breathing and resume long and measured breathing.What you have now is the exact opposite. You are short of breath, like a theater actor who must act out extreme fear.Your ability to arm yourself is not enough.You people of the mundane world seem without exception to be in situations of undisguised pain and distress. There is something wretched about your situation, and occasionally you fall into a state of real pain, and when the pain is of the character of martyrdom, it can be quite majestic.However, in everyday life, protection measures cannot be completely left out.I'm going to take care of this in the future, and I'm going to get your son better armed one day—when he needs it.Now, Plinio, do some exercises with me, and I will see if you have forgotten all that you have learned. " Knecht guided his friend to carry out breathing exercises in a strict rhythm, allowing him to gradually get rid of the state of self-torture, to listen consciously to rational advice, and finally to dismantle the redundant walls of anxiety and fear that he had built.The two friends went upstairs to inspect Tito's bedroom. Knecht surveyed the scattered childish objects with cheerful eyes, picked up a book from the bedside table, and saw a note sticking out. Outside the book, it turned out to be a note left by the missing person.He smiled and handed the note to Tesignoli, and the father brightened immediately.Tito wrote in the note that he set off early this morning and went up the mountain alone, and he was willing to wait for his new teacher in Bilpu. He should be allowed a little liberty before his liberty of movement is again terribly restricted.He felt an irresistible revulsion at the thought that this beautiful little excursion would be accompanied by a teacher who would make him feel like a prisoner or captive. "You can totally forgive him," said Knecht. "I'm leaving for Bilp tomorrow, and he's sure to be here. Now hurry to your wife and tell her the news." For the rest of the day, the atmosphere in the house was light and cheerful.That night, Knecht could not resist Plinio's entreaties, and briefly described the recent events to his friend, the most important of which were of course his two conversations with Master Alexander.In the evening of the same day, Knecht also wrote some marvelous lines of verse on a note, the manuscript of which is now kept by Tito Tesignoli.The situation that day was roughly as follows: before dinner, the host went out for some business, and Knecht stayed alone in the study for an hour.Knecht saw a bookcase full of old books, which aroused his curiosity.Reading ancient books is also one of Knecht's great hobbies, but for many years, he has been entangled in work, and his reading has been restrained, and he has become increasingly neglected and almost forgotten.Facing the bookcase at this moment, Knecht recalled the scene of his school days in the back of his mind: lingering in front of a cabinet of unfamiliar books, searching around, and whatever could arouse his interest, or the gold-plated cover of the book, or the author The name of the book, or the format and color of the book, can be taken out and read at will.Knecht first scanned the titles on the spine with great interest, and made sure that the cabinet was full of literary works of the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.At last he produced an old book with a faded linen bound, entitled The Wisdom of the Brahmans, which aroused his interest.Knecht first stood up to read, then sat down, and found that there were hundreds of didactic poems in the book. There are also pure verses.He felt that something was missing in this wonderful and touching book, not lacking profound philosophy, but drowning in rustic vulgarity. He found that the best poems in the book were not those written by the poet deliberately pursuing the educational and intellectual aspects of the image, but those that showed the poet's temperament, love, integrity and sincerity, and his honesty of ordinary citizens. work.Knecht continued reading with a mixture of respect and amusement.He was deeply moved by a verse that caught his eye, and he smiled while nodding his head with satisfaction, as if it were a message written to him for a special day in his life.The verse is as follows: Although the sun and the moon are precious, we would rather watch the precious sun and the moon go away for the sake of the precious things to grow and mature, that is: a strange little tree we planted in the garden, a tree we want The child who teaches, a little book we shall write. Knecht opened the desk drawer, took out a piece of paper and copied down this verse.Later, he showed this poem to Plinio and said to his friend: "I like these lines of poems very much. They have a special charm: although they are dry, they are very touching. This poem is also very congenial. My current mood and situation. I am not a gardener, and I don’t want to spend time on cultivating a strange plant. The same thing is that I am also a cultivator and educator. I am on the way to the post, and I want to educate A child I would love to nurture. How I would love to be in the job! The author of these lines, the poet Lochhart, I suppose, has all the noble sentiments of the gardener, the teacher, and the writer, and Eunuch has reached his highest apex in a third quality.The last line of the poem is the most important. He poured all his enthusiasm into the object of his deep love, so that he was so tender that he didn't call it a book, but a "little book".This is very touching. " Plinio laughed. "Who knows," he demurred, "whether he's just playing rhyming tricks with the lovely 'little'? Because the ending needs a two-syllable word instead of a mono-syllable word." "We shouldn't underestimate him," retorted Knecht. "A man who has written tens of thousands of verses in his life cannot be cornered by trivial rhyme problems. Never, I'll read it to you." Listen, how gentle, with a hint of shyness: a little book, a little book we want to write! It may not be out of deep love that he wrote 中' as a 'little book'. Maybe He is indeed very self-effacing and begs to be forgiven; perhaps, yes, the poet is probably a man devoted to his own writing, who from time to time feels guilty about his penchant for writing. If this is true, then 'Little Book' The word not only has the meaning of liking, but also has the derivative meaning of asking for forgiveness. This kind of implication is like a gambler inviting someone to participate in a game, but calling it a "small gamble", or a drunkard pulling人喝酒，却呼之为来一场'小酌'一样。当然，我的话只是揣测而已。然而，无论如何，这位诗人笔下描述的教育孩子和写作小书，恰恰完全符合我的心情和思想。因为我也不只拥有教育的热情和愿望，我也有写一本小书的热情呢。 如今我已摆脱繁忙公务，我的思绪自然要回到自己的兴趣上来，总有一天要利用空暇和兴趣写一本书——不，写一本小书，供我的朋友和意气相投者把玩的'小书'。 " “你想写些什么呢？”特西格诺利好奇地问。 “啊，什么东西都行，对我来说，题材和对象全都无关紧要。我只是想利用那么多空暇，借写作的机会作些自我思索、自我品味而已。写作中，我认为至关紧要的是整个音调问题，要做到不偏不倚，合宜适中，庄严而不失亲切，严肃而不失谐趣，——这种音调和说教恰恰背道而驰，要做到的是亲切的对话和沟通，讨论各种各样我认为自己已学会和体验过的东西。我并不拟采用这位弗里德利希'洛克尔特所擅长的融和说教和思想以及他那种交流和闲聊的手法，然而这种手法却还是很吸引我，它是一种个人的抒发，但并不流于独断；它具有消遣色彩，但并非没有规矩，我非常喜欢这个特点。不过，我眼前还不想体验写作小书的快乐和苦恼，我得先把精力用在别的事情上。我想，以后总有一天，能够让我全心全意体会一番创作的快乐，能够如我脑海里浮现的那样，对种种事物进行无拘无束而又细心谨慎的探讨，当然不只是自我娱乐，心里还得时刻装着一些好朋友和读者才是。” 第二天上午，克乃西特动身去碧尔普。特西格诺利隔天夜里便已声称，他陪朋友同去，可当即便遭到克乃西特的坚决拒绝。当这位父亲次日又力图劝说朋友时，克乃西特几乎发火了。“这个孩子要对付一个难对付的新教师，已经够他烦的了，” 克乃西特简单地说，“此时此刻再让他的父亲也插一杠子，这样只会使事情更糟糕。” 克乃西特坐上普林尼奥为他租来的旅行汽车上路了。当汽车穿越九月清晨的清新空气时，昨天的好兴致又回来了。克乃西特不时与司机闲聊，每逢宜人景色就让他停车或者放慢速度，还多次吹奏自己的小木笛。从首都的低洼处逐渐驶向高处，驶向山脚，最后折上高山，真是一趟紧张刺激的美丽旅行。这同时又是一次自即将消逝的夏天越来越深入到秋日的旅行。中午时分，汽车开始爬升最后一段大拐弯路程，车子婉蜒穿过已经逐渐疏落的针叶树林，绕过在悬崖下吼响奔腾的揣急山涧，驶过一些桥梁和一户户孤零零的农家院落，车子经过那些院墙高高、窗户小小的农舍后，便驰人了一个更加崎岖、更加粗算的怪石磷峋高山世界，在这些坚硬冷峻的岩石间，竟有许多一片片天堂乐园般的绿地，使点缀其间的朵朵小花显得格外可爱。 他们终于抵达了那座乡间别墅。这幢小小的建筑坐落在一片高山湖泊之畔，似乎隐藏在灰色的峭壁下，与高山相衬，几乎难以分辨。这位旅人一眼就察觉到这一建筑物其风格上的严密以及其阴沉的气息，这些恰好与险峻的高山十分相称。克乃西特再转眼一望，脸上不由立即展现出了愉快的笑容，因为他看到敞开的大门口站着一个人影，一个穿着彩色外套和短裤的少年，那人只能是他的学生铁托啦。尽管克乃西特从未认真为这位逃跑者担心，却也为此而怀着感激之情松了一口气。倘若铁托先到一步是为了在门口欢迎老师的话，那这是再好不过的事情，他在途中设想的种种错综复杂可能性纯属多余了。 孩子走向克乃西特，友好地微笑着，稍稍有点尴尬，他一边帮着老师下车，一边说道：“我让您独自旅行，并非有什么恶意。”然而不待克乃西特回答，他又十分信任地接着说道：“我相信，您是理解我心情的。否则您肯定会带我父亲一同来的。我已经告诉他我安全抵达了。” 克乃西特笑着和孩子握了手。铁托把他引进屋里，女仆向克乃西特问候后说，晚餐立即便准备妥当。克乃西特当下有一种不寻常的需要，不得不在晚餐前躺下略事休息。他这才发现自己在这场美丽旅途中已出奇地疲乏，是的，他从未有过如此筋疲力尽。到了晚上，当克乃西特和他的学生闲聊，并且观赏他收集的高山花卉和蝴蝶标本时，这种疲乏感更厉害了。克乃西特甚至还感到有些头晕目眩，还有一种以往未曾有过的严重虚弱与心律不齐。然而克乃西特仍旧继续与铁托交谈，直至约定的就寝时间，竭尽全力遮掩着自己身体不适的征状。铁托有点惊讶老师竟然一字未提开课事项、学习计划、成绩报告以及诸如此类的工作，以致铁托敢于趁此大好时机提出一个建议，明天清晨来一次长距离散步，以便让老师熟悉陌生的新环境，这个建议立即获得了友好的接纳。 “我很乐意这次漫游，”克乃西特补充说，“我还想趁机向您求教呢。我刚才观看您收集的植物标本时察觉，您的高山植物知识远比我丰富得多。因而我们共同生活中除了其他目的之外，还有一个互相交流知识的目的，让我们的知识互相补充。 我们可以这么开始：您先校正我贫乏的采集植物知识，先在这一领域上帮我前进一步……“ 两人最后互道晚安时，铁托心里心满意足，当即下了好好学习的决心，再一次感觉自己非常喜欢克乃西特老师。这位和蔼可亲而快快活活的老师全然不像一般小学教师那样喜欢用深奥言语谈论科学、道德、精神修养以及其他诸如此类高等学问，但是他的言谈举止和人品里总有些东西在督促你的责任心，在唤起你身上那些高尚、善良、勇敢的努力和向上的能力。铁托觉得，愚弄蒙骗一位普通小学教师，常常很有趣，有时甚至使自己得意洋洋，而面对这位男子，你绝不可能产生这一类念头。 他是一个——是啊，他究竟是个什么样的人呢？铁托陷入了沉思之中，是什么使这个陌生人这般迷人，又令人钦佩的呢？铁托发现这就是他的高尚气质，他的高贵品性，他的男子气概；这就是克乃西特吸引他的主要力量。这位克乃西特先生是高贵的，他是一位主人，一个贵族，尽管无人知晓他的出身，也许他的父亲是个鞋匠呢。 他比铁托认识的大多数男人更为高尚，更为高贵，也比自己的父亲更显高贵。这位少年向来特别重视自己的显贵血统和贵族传统，因而不肯原谅断绝了此种关系的父亲，有生以来第一次遇见了一位精神和知识修养上的贵族。克乃西特是个在幸运条件下能够创造奇迹的人，凭借这种精神修养，纵身跨过了世世代代一大批祖先，而在个人独一无二的一生中，由一个平民子弟变成一个高等贵族。这便唤起了性情热烈而自负的少年心里一种暗暗的憧憬，有朝一日也能够归为这一类型的贵族，并且为之服务，也许这还可能是自己的责任和荣誉呢。也许眼前的老师便是这一类贵族的化身，他的超凡脱俗的亲切文雅就表现出了一种彻头彻尾的贵族气息，这种气息使自己逐渐亲近他，接近他的生活，达到他的精神状态，铁托就这么定下了自己的目标。 克乃西特进入自己的卧室后，虽然极想休息，却没立即躺下。他为应付这一晚几乎耗尽了精力。克乃西特费了好大努力才没让这位显然在细细观察他的少年从他的表情、姿态和声音中看出他已越来越疲倦、不谐调，或者有生病征状。事情看来成功了。然而克乃西特此刻却必须面对自己的昏沉感，不适感，可怕的眩晕感以及一种不祥的死亡般的疲乏感，他起初努力集中精神，试图查出原因。原因倒也不难查清，只是又耗费了一些时间。他发现自己的病因就在这天的旅程上，在极短促的时间内，将他从低地送上了海拔近二千米的高山上。克乃西特从少年时代的几次郊游开始，一直不很适应这种高度，尤其是如此迅速的登高，反应更是糟糕。他估计这种不适感至少还得持续一两天时间，倘若不良反应持续不退，他就只得带着铁托和女仆下山了。如果这样，那么，普林尼奥的教育计划连同这次美丽的碧尔普逗留也就完结了。这当然可惜得很，不过也不算是大的不幸。 经过这番思考衡量后，克乃西特才上床休息，但久久难以人眠，只得一忽儿回顾离开华尔采尔后的旅途情景，一忽儿试图平定自己不太正常的心跳和过分激动的神经，以打发漫长的黑夜。当然他也不时怀着爱意想到自己的新学生，想得很多，却没有想订什么具体计划。克乃西特觉得，想要驯服这匹高贵而颇难驾御的小马驹，通过温和办法，逐渐软化和改变其习性，这也许是较明智的做法。对铁托，绝不能操之过急，更不能强迫压制。他考虑自己应当逐渐让孩子意识到自己的才能和禀赋，同时又努力培养提高他原有的高尚的好奇心和那种贵族气的不满情绪，让他具有爱科学，爱精神思想，爱美的情怀。这是一项有价值的任务。他的学生并不只是一个普通少年，他只需唤醒和训练其聪明才智即可。铁托作为一个有钱有势的贵族家庭的独子，将来也会是一位统治者，一位参与塑造国家和民族政治、社会的领袖，命里注定是一个发号施令的人物。卡斯塔里对古老的特西格诺利家族是略感歉疚的，因为未能给与托付给他们的普林尼奥以足够的彻底教育，未能让他坚强到足够在世俗世界和精神世界的矛盾中闯出道路，以致不仅使才貌双全的青年普林尼奥由于失去平衡、不知所措而变成一个郁郁寡欢的人，而且层层相应，让他的独生子铁托也受到危害，落入了与父亲同样的困境。如今可以略加补救了，可以略略偿还宿债了。 克乃西特很高兴这个任务恰恰落在自己身上，落在这个貌似背离了卡斯塔里的叛逆者身上，这也使他感到很富于意义。 第二天清晨，他一发觉屋里有人走动，便立即从床上起身了。他看到床边放着一袭睡袍，便披上了这件轻软的衣服，走出昨晚铁托曾指点他的后门，进人通向湖畔浴室的一条长廊。 灰绿色的小小湖泊一平如镜，远处是一座陡峭的岩石崖壁，山峰的利齿状峰顶此刻还在阴影里，冷峻地刺向已浅浅泛出亮绿色的清凉晨空之中。然而，太阳显然已在峰顶的背后升起，细碎的金色光芒正闪烁在每一块岩石的尖角上，再有几分钟，太阳就会跃升出山脊，光明就会普照湖水和整座峡谷了。克乃西特全神贯注地默默凝视着这幅景象，感觉它呈现的静谧、庄严之美是自己所不熟悉的，却又给自己一种关怀和警示的感受。此时此刻他比昨日旅途中更强烈地感觉到了这个高山世界的分量，它的凝重、冷静以及惊人的威严，它不迎合人类，不邀请人类，也几乎不容忍人类。克乃西特当即产生了一种奇怪而又意味深长的感觉：自己刚刚踏入世俗世界的新自由天地，第一步恰恰走进这个高山世界，走进了又寂静又冷峻的伟大之中。 铁托出现了，只穿着浴裤，他和老师握了手，指着对面的岩壁说道：“您来得正是时候，太阳立刻就要升起了。啊，山上真是好极了！” 克乃西特亲切地点了点头。他早就听说铁托是早起的鸟儿，竞走、角力和徒步旅行的爱好者，一切只是为了反对父亲那种轻轻率率、不受约束的舒服生活态度和方式。他拒绝饮酒也是出于同一原因。这些生活习惯和倾向，使铁托不时表现出蔑视知识的自然之子的姿态——特西格诺利家族成员似乎都喜欢过分夸张。但是，克乃西特决定欢迎铁托的这种倾向，甚至与他建立运动情谊，作为一种手段，借以争取和驯服这个桀骛不驯的少年。这当然仅是许多种手段之一，并且决非最重要的手段，其他方法，譬如音乐教育，就是一种更有效的手段。克乃西特当然绝不想在体能上和这位青春少年并驾齐驱，更不用说加以超越了。然而，让孩子看看老师既不是胆小鬼，也不是书呆子，也未尝不是无伤大雅的乐事。 铁托怀着急切期待的心情朝那阴沉沉的山脊望去，山后的晨光正向天空起伏喷薄而出。说时迟，那时快，一小片岩脊猛然像熔化的金属似地闪出了通红的亮光。 山脊变得模糊不清，又好似变矮了，被烧蚀熔化了，一轮耀眼的太阳正从这个燃烧的缝隙间冉冉升起。顷刻间，大地、房屋、浴场小屋以及这一边的湖岸也都是一片通红，而站立在强烈阳光下的师生两人也都立即感到了光芒带来的温暖。男孩铁托为这一瞬间的华美壮丽所感动，浑身充盈着青春活力；他伸展四肢，双臂开始有节奏地舞动，随即整个身躯也运动起来，铁托为了庆祝这一个白天的来临跳起了一场狂喜的舞蹈，以表达自己内心已与四周波涛起伏似的光芒协调融和，合二为一。铁托舞动着双脚向着凯旋而来的太阳恭祝欢欣的敬意，接着又恭恭敬敬地倒退几步，把伸展的双臂转向山峰、湖泊和天空，随后又跪下身子，似乎也要向大地母亲致礼，而后又伸出双手，似乎要掬一捧湖水行祭献之礼：献出他本人，他的青春，他的自由，他内心炽热的生命意识，就像在节日庆典大会上向群神献祭一般。阳光在他棕色的肩部闪闪发亮。他的双眼因强光而微微眯起，那张年轻的脸好似带了一副不变的面具，凝固着一种激动到近乎虔诚的严肃表情。 铁托的老师也完全被眼前这一孤寂山崖间破晓的壮丽景象所折服了。然而更让克乃西特着迷的是一种人类的景象，是他的学生为欢迎清晨和太阳光临而跳起的祭献之舞，这位尚未成熟、性情忧郁的少年在这虔诚的礼拜中，自己的精神也得到了大大的升华。对于旁观者克乃西特而言，则是在一刹那间看清了他内心最深处的高贵本质，他的倾向、才能和命运，恰如太阳一升起，就突然把冰冷、阴沉的山谷照得一片透亮一般。也就在这一瞬间，克乃西特觉得这个年轻人比自己以往设想的更为坚强，更为有价值，因而也更加难以对付、难以接近，也更加难以从精神上进行教诲了。铁托受强烈感动而跳起的节庆祭献之舞是比小普林尼奥的任何言语和词句都能显示其本质，这舞蹈把这孩子抬高了许多等级，却也使他显得更加与人疏远，更加难以捉摸，也更难加以教诲了。 铁托自己全然不知这种狂热是怎么回事，不明白自己发生了什么事。这绝不是他熟悉的舞蹈，他从不曾跳过，也不曾练习过这种舞蹈。这并不是他以前自己设想的那种欢呼太阳和清晨来临的庆祝舞。铁托很久以后才认识到，他当时的舞蹈和着魔似的迷乱状态，并不完全由于高山空气、阳光、清晨和自由自在的感觉所引起的，更多的则是他对自己年轻生命即将面临转变的新阶段，对他这位令人敬爱的和蔼的老师所作的反应。在这个清晨时刻，铁托内心深处百感交集，它决定了他的命运，这一时刻顷刻间高于任何其他成千上万个时刻，升华为一种崇高、庄严而神圣的时光。铁托完全不知道自己在做什么，他也不想追究和怀疑，他只是服从这一迷醉时刻向他提出的要求，他只是向太阳跳出虔诚祈求的舞蹈，只是用姿态和举动表示自己的欢乐，表示自己对生命的信仰，对神的虔诚以及对眼前这位长者的敬畏之情； 他既自豪又顺从地通过舞蹈将自己虔诚的灵魂作为祭品奉献给太阳，奉献给诸神，而更多的则是奉献给这位自己所钦佩和敬畏的长者，这位智者和音乐家，这位来自一个神秘领域的魔术游戏大师，他未来的教师和朋友。 如同太阳升起时的光波，这一切景象只是持续了几分钟。克乃西特为目睹的惊人景象而深深感动，看见他的学生就在他眼前改变着自己，揭示着自己，表露出一种全新而陌生却又与他自己完全相等的面貌。他们两人都站在别墅和浴场小屋之间的人行道上，同样沐浴着来自东方的光辉，都被自己漩涡般的体验所深深震撼着。 铁托还没有跳完自己的最后一个舞步，却突然从迷醉中惊醒了，他呆呆地站着，好似一只独自玩耍的动物忽然警觉到发生了什么事，他很快便觉察到自己并非单独一人，知道自己已体验，实践了某种不同寻常的事情，而且身边还有一个观察自己的旁观者。他脑子里闪过的第一个念头便是尽可能摆脱眼前的处境，因为他忽然觉得自己的行为多少有点危险和可耻。铁托只想赶快突破刚才这种完全吸引和控制了自己的奇妙魔力。 铁托的脸容方才还像是一副看不出年龄的庄严面具，此刻却露出了一种幼稚的，甚至有些愚蠢的表情，好像是刚刚从熟睡中被惊醒的孩子。他的双膝仍在微微晃动，傻乎乎地呆望着自己老师的脸，接着，仿佛突然想起了什么不可耽搁的重大事情似的，猛然伸直右手指向对面的湖岸，此刻，湖泊的一半仍然静卧在峭壁的巨大阴影里，与阳光下的另一半形成反差。在朝阳的射线下，这一半正在逐渐缩小，退向岸边。 “如果我游得快了又快，”铁托孩子气地急急嚷道，“我们也许能在太阳抵达对岸之前先到那里。” 铁托的话音未落，与太阳竞赛的挑战口令还没有喊响，他便猛力纵身一跃跳进了湖水，好似不这么做便不能很快地将自己刚才那狂热祭献时的忘乎所以的神情从脑海中抹去一般。浪花四溅，湖水盖过了他的头顶，几秒钟后，他的脑袋、肩膀和双臂便又露出了水面，在平静如镜碧蓝色的水面上迅速向前游去。 克乃西特出来时没想沐浴，也不想游泳。他嫌气温和水温都太低，再加上昨夜有疾病征兆，游泳肯定不会有什么好处。但是现在，阳光灿烂，他又为刚刚目睹的景象所感动，再加上他的学生又用同伴的方式邀请他、怂恿他，使他感到不应该害怕这个冒险。不过，克乃西特首先担心的是让铁托一人游泳的后果，倘若他以寒冷或者成人的理智为由，拒绝这场体力测验，使这个孩子大为失望的话，那么刚刚获得的成果就会化为乌有了。克乃西特因急速上山而招致的失衡和虚弱感，显然在警告他务必小心谨慎，不过，来一次强制性的无情行动，也许倒是治愈不适感的最好办法。召唤强于警告，意志强于本能。他迅速脱去轻软的睡袍，深深吸了一口气，便从他的学生方才跃下的地方，纵身跳入了湖中。 这里的湖水全是从上游倾注而下的冰水，即使在盛夏时节，也须经过刻苦历练才能适应。克乃西特觉得湖水冰冷刺骨，像对待敌人似地迎向他。然而，他又觉得包围着他的似乎不是可怕的严寒，而是熊熊烈火；片刻后，这种猛烈的火焰便迅速穿透了他的全身。克乃西特跳入水中后很快便浮出了水面，他看见铁托远远游在前面，尽管觉得湖水冰冷，但火焰以及怀着敌意的湖水在无情地逼迫着他，他仍然相信自己可以缩短这段距离。克乃西特在为自己的目标而进行游泳竞赛，他在为赢得孩子的尊重和友谊而斗争，他在为孩子的灵魂而奋斗，——他现在正与已把他摔倒，并已将他紧紧扭住的死神搏斗，只要他的心脏还在跳动，他就将竭尽全力赶走死神。 年轻的游泳者不时回头张望，他望见老师跟着他下了水，心里十分高兴。他再次回头时，却没有看见老师，心里不安起来，不断张望和呼唤着，后来又急急往回游，但也没有找到人。铁托在水上游着，又潜入水下找着，四处搜寻失踪的人，直至彻骨的寒冷耗尽了他的体力。他摇摇晃晃、上气不接下气，好不容易才回到了陆地上。他看见老师的睡袍放在岸边，便捡了起来，机械地擦拭着自己的躯体和四肢，直至冻僵的肌肤重又温暖起来。他毫无知觉地呆坐在阳光下，目光瞪着湖水，只见碧蓝色冰冷的湖水看起来可怕地空虚、陌生和邪恶，感到一阵深切的悲哀和迷茫向他袭来，他从自身的体力衰竭联想到发生了可怕的事情。 啊，多么痛苦，他恐惧地想到，我得为他的死亡负责！直到现在，直到他不必再维护自己的虚荣，也不需要提出任何反抗之时，他这才吃惊地察觉，失去他自己是多么痛苦，自己已经非常爱他；他对自己又何等重要。因此，尽管铁托有种种理由说明自己不应为大师的死亡承担责任，然而他仍然怀着圣洁的战栗预感到，这一罪责将会彻底改变他自己和他的生活，将会向他提出许多更高的要求，比他以往对自己的要求高得多。