Chapter 14 legend -1
When we listen to our classmates discussing the news of our master's disappearance, the reasons for his disappearance, whether he took this step rightly or not, and the meaninglessness of his decision, we always feel as if we are listening to Diodoro Sirius. Colosse's hypothetical reasons for why the Nile flooded were general.If we go further to speculate, it seems not only useless, but superfluous.On the contrary, we would like to miss our Master with all our hearts, because not long after his mysterious intrusion into the earthly world, he entered a still stranger and more mysterious realm of heaven.We are willing to record everything we have heard with our own ears into words as a precious memory of him.
After the master of the glass bead game read the official letter from the highest authority rejecting the application, he felt a faint chill running through his body, and a cool and peaceful awakening in the morning told him: the time to leave has come, and there should be no further complaints. Hesitation and hesitation.This special feeling, which he calls "awakening", is no stranger to him, and it always appears whenever he faces a life decision.It was a living and painful feeling, mingled with farewells and departures, as if in the depths of his soul a spring storm had risen unconsciously, shaking him violently.He looked at the clock. It was an hour before he left for the classroom.He decided to use this hour for meditation, so he walked slowly to the quiet master's garden.On the way, a line from the graveyard came to his mind: Every beginning has its own magic...
He chanted this line of verse softly, but couldn't remember when he read it or who wrote it.The line struck a chord with him, and seemed to fit perfectly with his mood at the moment.He sat down on a stone bench dotted with the first batch of yellow fallen leaves in the garden, adjusted slowly, breathed evenly, and strived to achieve inner peace until his mind was clear, and he sank into the realm of meditation, allowing this life and this moment to merge into a transcendent individual. In the image of the universal universe.But on his way to class, the line jumped out again, and he had to ponder it again, but it seemed to him that it was not the words.Suddenly, as if with the help of a god, his memory suddenly became clear.He whispered the lines: Every beginning contains an inner magic that protects us and helps us survive.
However, he didn't recall the source of the poem until the evening, long after the lectures were over and all the daily affairs had been dealt with.They were not the work of some ancient poet, but lines from one of his own poems, written of course as a student long ago.He finally remembered the last line of the poem: Come, my heart, let us bid a happy farewell!
That night, he sent someone to invite his agent and told him that he had to leave the next day, and the time was still undecided.
He asked his agent to handle all the daily official duties on his behalf. After giving some instructions and explanations as usual before a business trip, he politely said goodbye to the agent.
Knecht originally planned to leave Deglarius without saying goodbye, so as not to add to the pain of his friend.He might have to, both to protect his overly sensitive friend and of course to keep his entire plan of action from being jeopardized.Deglarius may have accepted a fait accompli too peacefully, and performing a farewell scene out of the blue could lead to an unpleasant emotional turmoil.Although Knecht also thought that it would be better to leave without seeing him again.However, he hesitated again and again, always feeling that doing so was tantamount to running away.While it is wise not to allow a friend to act foolishly out of emotion, he should never be so unsympathetic in order to save himself.With half an hour before bedtime, he could still visit Deglarius without disturbing his friend or anyone else.
When Knecht passed through the wide courtyard, the night was already very dark.He knocked on the door of the small room where his friend lived, with a strange feeling in his heart: it was the last time.He found his friend home alone.Deglarius was reading a book, very pleased with his old friend's visit, pushed the book away, and asked the visitor to sit down.
"I suddenly remembered an old poem today," Knecht said casually, "it's actually just a few lines of the poem. Maybe you know the whole poem?"
Knecht immediately recited the first sentence: "Every beginning contains inner magic power...
Deglarius didn't think for long, and remembered the poem after a while. He stood up, opened a drawer, and took out a stack of poem manuscripts that Knecht had given him a long time ago.He searched for a while, and pulled out two pages of the original manuscript of the poem.He handed the master two pages.
"Here it is," he said, smiling, "see for yourself. This is the first time you have inquired about these psalms after many years have passed."
Staring at the two pages of the manuscript, Knecht couldn't help feeling disappointed.When he wrote the verses on these two sheets of paper, he was still a student, studying at the Far East College.They told him a distant past, and everything that the two pages of the manuscript showed: the slightly yellowed paper, the handwriting still exuding youthful breath, the deleted and revised words-all of them awakened the past that he had almost forgotten.He couldn't help but be filled with emotion.Now he can recall not only the year and season when these verses were written, but even the specific day and time.So he immediately seemed to revisit the old place, and the strong pride and ambition of the past suddenly came to his heart.He wrote these lines at a particular time, during those days when he was ecstatically experiencing a spiritual experience he called "awakening".
From the manuscript, it is obvious that the title of the poem was written long before the birth of the whole poem, which was originally the first line of the whole poem.The verse is written in big bold characters at the beginning of the first page, which is very eye-catching: "Beyond! Later, at a very different time, in another mood and life situation, the title of the poem was crossed out with the accompanying exclamation point, and replaced by another, more modest Title: "Phase".
Knecht now recalls how he wrote 'Beyond! ', he once again felt the pride of the past, poetry is a call, a command, a self-motivation, a newly formed determination to strengthen himself, his actions and life will move forward on this premise, beyond, Resolutely and cheerfully advance across everything, and then leave every space, every distance behind.Knecht whispered a stanza from the poem: We happily travel through space after space, we are not bound by any local concept, the spirit of the universe makes us unfettered, it wants us to go higher. Constantly rising.
"I have forgotten these poems for many years," said Knecht, "so today when I accidentally remembered a line of it, I no longer knew where it came from, and did not recognize that it was my own work. What are you doing today? What impression does it make?
Can you talk about your feelings? "
Deglarius pondered for a moment.
"I've always had a special feeling for this poem," he concluded. "It's one of the few poems I don't like that you've written. There's something in it that disturbs me. I didn't Know why. I think I figured it out today. Your poem is titled with the marching imperative 'Beyond!', God bless, thankfully it was changed to a much better title, I don't think I like it much The reason is that there's a bit of morality or a primary school teacher's kiss in the poem. If you can rule that out, or just cut it out, then it's one of your best poems - that's what I just thought of .The final title "Stages" is quite suggestive of the substantive content of the poem. However, it may be just as good, or even better, if you had changed it to "Music" or "The Essence of Music" in the first place. Because we only eliminate its moralizing Or a sermon-style gesture, this is a poem that really writes the essence of music, or a hymn to music, praising the eternal modernity of music, praising music's joy and firmness, praising music's never-ending Fluid, always ready to rush forward and leave the space just occupied. If you were mainly observing or praising the spirit of music, if you did not inject warning and preaching content, this poem may be a truly perfect poem. Baoyu, in fact, you were obviously keen on an educational ambition. In my eyes, this poem is not only too didactic, but also has ideological and logical errors. The work mixes music and life for the sake of moral effect. , at least this point is quite problematic, because it writes the inner dynamics that form music-from nature and morality, as a kind of "life" that, through calling, command and good education, promotes our development In short, the original illusion of beauty in the poem, an incomparable magnificence, has been destroyed and abused for educational purposes, which is why I always have a prejudice against this poem."
Master Knecht listened happily from the side, staring at how his friend became more and more enthusiastic as he spoke, which was exactly what he liked about Deglarius.
"I hope you're totally right!" he said half jokingly. "Anyway, you're absolutely right about the relationship between the poem and the music. The line 'through space after space', and the basic idea of the whole poem, do derive from the music, whether I realize it or not. , or thought of it. Whether or not my thoughts have shattered my fantasies, I don't know. You may be right. Yes, when I wrote this poem, it was no longer music, But a musical experience—and that experience is this: the beautiful symbol of music presents itself to me with its moral spiritual side, becomes a warning and a call to awaken the life within me. The imperative of the poem The form arouses your peculiar distaste, but I do not mean to order or preach, for all orders and warnings are addressed to myself. Perhaps you do not see this clearly, but, my good friend, read The last line should be clear. This is the fact. At that time, I obtained a view, a recognition, an inner picture. I must use the connotation and spirit contained in this picture to awaken myself and engrave it in my heart. And so the poem has stayed in my memory to this day, though I had absolutely no intention of remembering it at the time. It doesn't matter whether the poem is well written or not, because it has served its purpose: a warning It's alive in my heart, and it hasn't disappeared from my head. Today, it rang to me again, like a new voice. It was a beautiful experience, and your sarcasm didn't spoil its meaning to me. But now it is time for me to go. What a beautiful day, my friend, when we were students, we were allowed to break the school rules and talk late into the night. Unfortunately, now we are not allowed a It's a pity that the master has such a move!"
"Ah," Deglarius said immediately, "it can be done, as long as you have some courage."
Knecht smiled and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Speaking of courage, my good friend, perhaps I should add some courage to another mischief. Good night, old picky!"
Knecht left his friend's small room happily.However, as he traversed the empty corridors and academy grounds under the night sky, his heart sank again, a feeling of farewell.Parting always often awakens the past.Knecht, who was walking alone, recalled the first time he walked through Walzell and the Game Academy. At that time, he was a boy, a student who had just entered school, full of imagination and hope for the school.Now, as he walked in the icy night, among the silent trees and buildings, he realized painfully that he was looking at them all for the last time, listening for the last time to the silence and the slight breath of sleep. how busy the day is in the day), gazed for the last time at the reflection of the little lamp on the gatekeeper's house in the fountain pool, and looked up for the last time at night when the white clouds passed over the treetops of the master's garden.He walked slowly through every path and every corner of the Glass Bead Game Academy, and finally wanted to open the small gate of the master's garden again, and go in for a walk, but found that the key was not with him. This reality made him sober , regained sanity.Knecht returned to his apartment and wrote several letters, one of which informed Tesignoli that he was about to arrive in the capital.Then he relaxed and sat in meditation for an hour, calming his excitement and giving himself enough energy to deal with his last job in Castalia--meeting with the leaders of the religious group.
The next morning, after the master got up on time as usual, he called the car and left. Only a few people noticed his departure, and no one thought that there was anything unusual.In the mist of the first autumn morning, he kept sailing towards Hillsland, arrived at his destination near noon, and immediately asked someone to report to Master Alexander, the leader of the highest authority of the church community.He carried with him a handsome cloth-wrapped metal box, which he usually kept in a secret drawer in his office, containing the badge of honor, seal, and key of the master of the glass bead game.
He was a little surprised that he was entertained to sit in the "big" office of the highest executive authority.It is almost unprecedented for a master to appear here without notice or invitation.Someone invited him to have a meal according to Master Alexander's instructions, and after the meal, he was led to a secret room by the cross corridor of the old monastery to rest, and told him that his lord hoped that he would be free to see him after two or three hours.Knecht asked for a church group constitution, sat down to read it, and reconfirmed the simplicity and legitimacy of his desire. However, up to this moment, he still could not find a suitable language to express his desire. The meaning of hope and its internal rationality.
Knecht recalled a past event. In the last days of his free research, a rule in the regulations had been designated as the subject of his meditation. It was the eve of his commissioning into the religious group.Now he rereads this passage, and after thinking about it again, he realizes that he is completely different from the timid young teacher back then.This rule reads: "If you are called by your superiors to take up a position, you should know that every promotion of an official position is not a step towards freedom, but a step towards restraint. The greater the authority, the stricter the position. The stronger the personality, the more willing taboo." All these words, which he used to take for granted in the past, many of which he now finds very problematic, such as "restraint," "personality," "will," and his sense of what they mean. Perceptions have changed significantly, yes, even radically different.How beautiful, how clear, how seamless, how amazing those words had been to him, what absolute, eternal, unquestionable truths they could have on a young soul!Oh, if Castalia were really the whole world, the whole world, all-encompassing and indivisible, and not a small world within a great world, or only a small part boldly cut off from the great world, then these Words are truth, as indubitable as ever.
If elite schools are the whole world, if religious groups are the whole human society, and the highest religious authority is God, then how flawless all the terms and conditions, together with all the regulations, will be!Smell, what a lovely, prosperous, beautiful and innocent life that must be!For him, there was a time in the past, when he really saw it and felt it, that the ecclesiastical community and the Castalian spirit were the divine, absolute truth, and the Pedagogy was the world, and the Castalians were It is all human beings, and all non-Castalia fields are immature children's worlds, the primary stage before entering the education academy, and primitive areas that urgently need cultural salvation. Everyone looks up at Castalia in awe, constantly Send young people like Plinio to study.
How special he is now, Joseph Knecht himself and his own thoughts!Didn't he, not so long ago, yes, in fact, not yesterday, see this unique way of knowing that he calls awakening as a way of getting deeper, step by step, into the core of the universe, into the core of truth?Don't you think that this way of knowing is some kind of absolute truth, a way or a way of continuous progress, as long as you persist in completing the goal step by step, you can reach the core?When he was young, didn’t he recognize the legitimacy of the secular world represented by Plinio, but he always sided with Castalia and kept a respectful distance from Plinio and his world, thinking that they lacked awakening and progress?Later, when he decided to engage in the glass bead game in Waldzell after years of doubt and wandering, didn't he also think that it was a progressive and truthful thing?Later, he accepted the assignment of Master Thomas, and under the guidance of the music master, he entered the church organization, and later was appointed to assume the duties of the master of the glass bead game, and the situation was the same.Each time, he seemed to have taken a small step or a giant step forward on a pure and straight path--he had now reached the end of the path, but he had neither reached the core of the universe nor entered the truth. The deepest part of the world, even the current awakening, is just a glimpse or entering a new place, just occupying a place in the new planetary map L.The straight path that had once led him so strictly, clearly, and directly to Waldzell, Mariafell, Church Organization, and Game Master, now led him out again.This was the result of the beginning of the awakening, and it was also the result of saying goodbye and leaving.Castalia, the glass bead game, and the high position of the master, each was a theme that had to be developed and then ended, and each was a space that had to be traversed and then transcended.Now, everything is far behind him.Obviously, even when he was thinking and doing things that were completely opposite to what he thinks and does today, he had already had doubts, or vaguely guessed the truth.Hadn't he written that poem about stages and farewells back in his school days, and added the imperative title "Beyond"?
Yes, his previous path was in the shape of a circle, or an ellipse or a spiral, but it was by no means a straight line.There is no doubt that straight lines belong only to geometry, not to nature and life.But he himself has always been loyal to the self-warning and self-motivation expressed in his poem, even if he completely forgot about that poem and the awakening experience when he wrote it for a long time later, the same is true.Of course, he is not perfect loyalty, not without doubts, hesitation, resistance and struggle, but he finally bravely, calmly and happily passed through stage after stage, space after space, although not like the old music The master is so radiant, but there is no slack and fatigue, no betrayal and infidelity.Now, if he betrayed the ideas of Castalia and the morality of the ecclesiastical community, it seems that his behavior was only due to his own arbitrary will, which actually required courage to do it. Yes, no matter what happens in the future, he has to move forward happily and calmly, beat by beat, like music.Now he wishes he had the power to explain to Alexander what he seemed to know well: namely, that what seemed to be "arbitrary" action was in fact only service and obedience; that what he was after was not freedom but some new , Unknowable hidden constraints; he is not a deserter, but a person who responds to the call; he does not act arbitrarily, but obeys orders;
And how could he articulate the virtues—quickness, cadence, and courage?They may be insignificant, but they are ever present.Even if he cannot go forward, but can only be guided by others, even if he cannot go beyond the past, but just circles around, these virtues still exist, and still have their value and charm.These virtues are to affirm everything rather than deny everything, to obey rather than to escape, even if this person's actions and thoughts are somewhat domineering, because he does not want to ignore life and self-deception, he has to act in a very arbitrary and responsible way. appearance.Moreover, it was due to an innate tendency of the man himself, without knowing why, to prefer action to knowledge, instinct to reason.Oh, it would be nice to be able to talk to Father Jacobs about these issues!
Such thoughts or fantasies still reverberated in Knecht's mind after he entered the state of meditation.
"Awakening" seems to have nothing to do with truth and knowledge in his mind, but a reality and an experience related to himself.When a person is "awakened", he does not get closer to the truth and penetrates the surface of things and enters the core. In fact, he just grasps, or completes, or endures the controlling relationship between his personal self and the current situation of objective things. .The man has not discovered the law, only the determination, he does not bring himself into the center of the world, but he does enter into the center of his own personality.This is why the experience of awakening is so difficult to express, difficult to analyze and explain, and why it is so remote from language.The purpose of language does not seem to be to report on this kind of realm of life.In order for a person to fully understand another person, he probably must have been in a similar situation, suffered a similar pain, or had a similar awakening experience, which is very rare.Fritz de Glarius had some experiences similar to his, Plinio Tesignoli more.Can anyone else be named?not even one!
The afterglow of the setting sun had begun to fade.Knecht was completely immersed in his own thoughts, completely isolated from the outside world.There was a knock on the door, but he didn't react immediately; the knocker stood for a while, and then tried to knock a few more times.This time Knecht came to his senses, stood up immediately, followed the visitor into the office building, and walked straight into Master Alexander's office without announcing him.The master stepped forward to meet Knecht.
"I am very sorry," said Alexander, "that you have kept you waiting without invitation. I should like to know the reason for your sudden visit. There will be no news from the ring?"
Knecht laughed. "No, there is no bad news. Is it really so unexpected that I have come? Have you not guessed my purpose at all?"
Alexander gave him a serious, worried look. "Well, yes," he said, "I did. For example, I've been thinking about your letter of circulation for the past few days, and it's clear that the matter is not settled for you. Our administration has had to only Give a brief answer. You may have been disappointed by the content and tone of your reply."
"No," Knecht replied, "I did not expect anything different from the reply.
As for the tone, it was exactly what comforted me.I feel that the author's writing is difficult, yes, it can even be said to be painful.He felt obliged to add a few drops of sweet honey to what was bound to be a bitter letter, and yes, he did a brilliant job, for which I am grateful. "
"Then you have memorized the content of the reply, my lord?"
"Remembering, of course, I have to say that I fully understand and agree. I know that the only possible answer to me is: dismiss my request, and add some mild reprimands. The letter I circulated has the highest impact. The administration would be an unusual nuisance--I never doubted that fact. All the more so since the letter also contained a private application, which was all the more difficult to dispose of. I could therefore hardly expect a negative reply .”
"Your words reassure us," said the top leader of the administration, with some bitterness, "that our reply did you no harm because you see things that way. We are really glad. But I Still do not understand, since you have foreseen that there will be no result when you write the letter - am I not mistaken? -, and never expect any positive answer, it should be said that you have already been convinced of the inevitable failure, so why continue to write, Always consider it a major undertaking until it's written and cleared and sent?"
Knecht looked at the other party with friendly eyes, and then replied: "Dear sir, my letter contains two contents and two goals. I don't think that both are pointless and worthless remarks. The letter also contains A personal request was mentioned for permission to resign from the present position and to be assigned another duty at another location. I have always regarded this private request as a lesser matter, and those who assume the responsibility of a master should try to put personal matters aside as far as possible. This application has been Rejected, I submit to the fact that my letter, however, contains many other matters not relevant to the application, that is, numerous examples of facts and ideas, all of which I feel it is my duty to bring to the attention of the highest administrative authority and to conduct careful consideration Things to consider. All, or at least most, of the masters of every discipline have read my statements (not to mention the warnings), and if or most of them are not happy to accept the food I offer, and are even disgusted, but they Read it anyway, and remembered what I thought I had to tell them. The fact that the letter was not applauded is not a failure in my eyes, I am not looking for applause and approval, my goal is only to disturb and shock I would probably regret it very much if I had abandoned this work for the reasons you have just stated and had not sent this letter. Whatever the effect so far, it has had a wakening and shocking effect."
"It is true," Alexander admitted hesitantly. "However, your words still do not solve my doubts.
Since your desire is to convey your warnings, appeals, counsels to the authorities of the religious community, why include in it a private application, a request which you yourself do not believe may be granted, so as to weaken or jeopardize your opinion? What about the effect of good words?I still can't figure it out.I believe, however, that the facts will become clear if we set out the whole situation.Anyway, here is the weakness in your letter, which confuses warning with application, appeal with statement.I have to think that you should not use the application as a warning tool.You are fully capable of warning colleagues of impending crisis, verbally or in writing.That way, your application can proceed along the normal channels. "
Knecht still stared at the other party in a friendly manner, and then went on easily: "Yes, you may be right. However——you should weigh the complexity of the matter again! Whether it is a warning or a request, everything Beyond the everyday, the ordinary, the normal, all are extraordinary events that break the norm. No one, if there is no pressing external reason, does not suddenly remind his colleagues to remember that their whole existence is are problematic, and are fleeting; besides, it is too unusual for a master of Castalia to apply to be a primary school teacher outside. To the extent that it is unusual, I believe that I think it is quite appropriate to group these two different contents into one category. I think that anyone who has read the whole letter seriously will inevitably come to the following conclusion: This is not a weirdo declaring to his colleagues. For this man is most sincere in his thoughts and anxieties, because he is ready to forsake his high position and his past exploits, and to start from scratch from the humblest position, because He is tired of dignity, ease, honor, and authority, and longs to break free from them and abandon them. Since this is the conclusion—I always try to think from the standpoint of the reader—then there can only be two inferences: one is that this moral Unfortunately, the author of the sermons is somewhat schizophrenic. Anyway, these are not words that any master should say. Second, the author is indeed not crazy, he is normal and healthy, so behind these pessimistic preachings, there must be hidden real content that is not whimsical. That is: a truth. I did, as a reader, contemplate the possible course of these issues in my head, and I admit I was wrong. My pleas and warnings, far from reciprocating, Neither was seriously taken seriously, and was dismissed. However, I was neither surprised nor very sorry to be refuted, and I have to repeat that I had expected this result, and I have to admit that I understand it. It deserves a rebuttal. Honestly, my application was nothing more than a tactic, a gesture, a formality."
Master Alexander's face became more serious, almost gloomy.However, he did not interrupt Knecht's narration.
"It was not the case with me," Knecht went on, "that when I sent my request I did not seriously expect a answer to my liking, perhaps not at all with joy. But it was not the case either, I never intended to respectfully accept the negative reply from my superiors as an irrevocable decision."
"... had no intention of accepting the superior's negative reply as an irrevocable decision and respectfully accepting...
Did I hear you right, master? "Alexander interrupted, repeating what he said just now. Obviously, he didn't fully realize the seriousness of the situation until this moment.
Knecht bowed slightly and replied, "You did not hear me wrong. In fact, I can't believe that my application will have any results, but I think it is necessary to submit a request to the administrative authority and fulfill the polite requirements. .I think this is also to give the respected authorities an opportunity to resolve the matter without loss, but if the authorities avoid it, then I have decided when I write that I will not allow myself to be sidelined, nor will I Accept reassurance and act instead."
"How to act?" Alexander asked in a low voice.
"I have to obey my heart and reason. I have decided to resign my post in Castalia and go to work in the secular world, even if I don't have a commission or permission from the highest authority."
Master Alexander closed his eyes, as if he was no longer listening.Knecht knew that he was performing the contingency exercise that the Castalians used when encountering urgent and dangerous situations, in order to seek self-control and restore inner calm. Knecht saw him hold his breath twice to exhaust himself. air in the lungs.Looking at Alexander, Knecht's face turned a little pale at first, and then gradually returned to its original color during the process of slowly inhaling. Knecht felt quite guilty for putting the person he respected and loved so much in trouble.He saw Alexander opened his eyes again. For a moment, these eyes seemed to be blind to others, but they immediately regained their brightness and sharpness.Knecht couldn't help being a little startled when he looked at these clear and self-sustaining eyes. They were a pair of eyes that could be both obedient and commanding, and now they were staring directly at him with a vigilant calmness. Check and criticize him.Knecht silently endured Alexander's gaze for a long time.
"I think I understand you now," Alexander began calmly at last. "You have long since grown weary of your office or of Castalia, or have been tortured by a longing to enter worldly society. You have made the decision to follow your inner voice more than castalia and your responsibilities, and you feel that you no longer have to rely on us to seek advice and help from church organizations. It is purely out of courtesy and to ease the burden of your conscience that you have sent us an application that you know we cannot possibly accept. , because you still think it's open for discussion. Let's assume that your anomalous behavior is justified and your intentions are respectable, because I can't think of any other way to say it. However, since you have left in your mind Thoughts, desires, and decisions, traitors at heart, how can you continue to remain silent in the Game Master's office for so long, and still seem to be performing your duties impeccably?"
"I have come here to discuss these matters with you," replied the Master of the Glass Bead Game, still in the same friendly manner, "and to answer every one of your questions. Having decided to go my own way, I have also decided not to leave Hillsland or your apartment until you have a considerable understanding of my situation and my actions."
Master Alexander pondered for a moment, then asked hesitantly: "What does this mean, do you expect me to agree with your actions and plans?"
“啊，我完全没想过会得到您的赞同。我希望和期待的是您的理解，当我离开时，可以带走我对您的一份敬意。这将是我离开我们教育学园的唯一告别方法。我今天已经永远离开了华尔采尔和玻璃球游戏区。”
亚历山大大师又把眼睛闭上了几秒钟，好似被这个不可理解的人用猝不及防的消息震昏了。
“永远？”他终于问道。“那么您永远也不再回工作岗位了？我不得不说您真会搞突然袭击。倘若允许我问的话，我有一个问题：您现在如何看待您自己，您还是玻璃球游戏大师吗？”
约瑟夫·克乃西特取出自己携带的小盒子。
“直到昨天我还是游戏大师，”他回答，“今天我把印章和钥匙奉还到您手里，这也就卸下了担子。它们全都完整无损。如果您去玻璃球游戏学园视察的话，您也会看到那里的一切都井然有序。”
亚历山大大师缓慢地从椅子上站起身子。他显得疲惫不堪，似乎突然变老了。
“盒子今天就留在这里吧，”他干涩地说。“如果我收下印章就算接受您辞职，那么我还得提醒您，我并没有那么大的权限，至少要有全部领导成员中的三分之一赞成才行。您过去一贯很重视老传统和老形式，我也没有能力很快发现新形式。也许得请您稍作停留，等明天我们继续讨论时再说！”
“我完全听候您的吩咐，尊敬的大人。您已认识我许多年，知道我一向敬重您。
请相信我，这一点丝毫没有改变。您是我离开卡斯塔里之前唯一想辞别的人，而这不只是因为您是行政当局的最高领导人。我现在已把印章和钥匙交还给您，我希望您，大人，当我们讨论完一切问题后，也把我参与团体时的誓词加以废除。 "
亚历山大以悲伤和探索的目光迎向克乃西特的凝视，忍住了一声悲叹。“请您现在离开吧。您让我操心了一整天，又留下那么多思考材料。今天就到此为止。我们明天再进一步交谈。明天中午前一小时左右还请再来这里。”
亚历山大大师请克乃西特离开，他的手势显得很有礼，却也显得勉强，不像对待同事而像对待完全陌生的外人，这种客气比他的任何言词都更使玻璃球游戏大师心里难受。
片刻之后，侍者来请克乃西特进晚餐，把他领向一张贵宾餐桌前，随后说，亚历山大大师要静坐较长时间，今天晚上也不想见客。又告诉克乃西特，客房已替他准备好了。
玻璃球游戏大师不经通报突然来访，使亚历山大大师感到措手不及。自从亚历山大大师以最高当局名义写了复信之后，他当然料到克乃西特迟早会出现在希尔斯兰，也想到可能面临不太轻松的讨论。他却万万没有料到，这位一向堪称是服从、彬彬有礼、谦逊、宽容等美德典范的克乃西特大师，居然有朝一日事先不与行政当局商议便擅自闯来挂冠求去，居然以这种令人震惊的方式，彻底抛弃了一切习惯和传统。这些都是他原本认为绝不可能发生的事。无论如何，他得承认，克乃西特的行动、声调、谈吐方式、礼貌态度仍然一如往日，然而，克乃西特所叙述的内容和精神，全是多么可怕、无礼，又多么令人震惊，嗅，全都是彻底反卡斯塔里精神的啊！凡是近来与这位大师见过面谈过话的人，都无法怀疑他有病，或者因工作过度而情绪冲动，以致失却了自制能力。就连最高当局最近派去华尔采尔进行详尽调查的代表，也回来报告说，未见一丝一毫生活混乱、无秩序或者懒散的情况，工作上更未见任何懈怠迹象。事实尽管如此，但是这个可怕的人，昨天还是同事间最受爱戴的人物，今天却突然跑来丢下盛放印章的锦盒，好似丢弃一只旅行提箱，并且声称自己已不再是玻璃球游戏大师，不再是最高行政当局的成员，不再属于教会团体，更不再是卡斯塔里人，他匆匆忙忙赶来，原来只为辞别。这是亚历山大就任宗教团体最高职位以来所遭遇的最艰难最恶劣的处境，因而要让他保持外表镇定，实在难上加难。
他该怎么办呢？他应当采取强暴措施吗？譬如把游戏大师软禁起来，并且立即，就在今夜，就向行政当局全体成员发出通知，让他们赶来开一次紧急会议，这样做行吗？会有人反对吗？难道这不是最合情合理的手段吗？是的，这么做无可非议。
但是他内心却有些东西在暗暗反对。这种措施的结果究竟是什么呢？对卡斯塔里一无好处，对克乃西特是一种极大的凌辱，至于他自己，最多也不过是稍稍缓和困境，不必单独面对如此让他为难的问题和不再单独担负责任而已。如果说，还有什么办法可以挽救这件不幸事情，还有任何可能性可以唤回克乃西特对卡斯塔里的荣誉感，也许唯有一条途径，也即通过私下交谈的方式，或许能够改变他的主意。他们两人——克乃西特和亚历山大，必得面对面地进行一场艰苦的斗争，没有其他人可以替代。亚历山大如此思索时，这才不得不承认克乃西特的做法：避免与他本人已不承认的行政当局继续打交道，直接与自己进行决赛和辞职，归根结蒂是正确的，高尚的。这个约瑟夫·克乃西特呀，即或在做这类大逆不道的可恨之事时，也依然举止得体而不失风度。
亚历山大大师最后决定依赖自己的说服力，而不去动用全部行政机器。直待作出这一决定后，他才开始思索整个事情的种种细节，首先他向自己质疑，克乃西特的行动究竟有理还是无理，因为克乃西特竟然迈出如此令人难以置信的一步，虽然可怕，其诚实性和正直性却是无可置疑的。于是他便开始对玻璃球游戏大师的大胆计划进行分类研究，并且对照教会组织的条例作着细细分析，这正是他最擅长的工作，分析的结果让他e己也大吃一惊，事实上克乃西特并没有违反规章，也没有破坏教规。几十年来，的确没有任何人实践过这条规定，然而规章上确实写着：凡是宗教团体成员，人人均可随时获得自由，不过辞职者必须同时放弃自己一切特权，也必须离开卡斯塔里教育团体。如今克乃西特交还印章，提出辞呈，走向世俗世界，确乎作出了骇人听闻的可怕的反常事情，不过他却并没有违反那一条规定。尽管克乃西特的行为不可理解，从规章制度角度却找不到任何违法步骤，而且他不仅没有背着最高领导人行事，反而过分拘泥字面规定，亲自来到他面前宣布决定。——然而，为什么这样一位受尊敬的人，宗教团体的栋梁之一，要作出此类行动呢？亚历山大不知道自己该怎么行动才对，因为克乃西特的计划，不论怎么分析，无不具有背叛性质，世上有无数不成文而同样神圣的不言而喻的道理，自己该怎样运用成文的规章来禁止他的计划呢？
亚历山大听见一阵钟声，便中断了自己无益的思索，先去沐浴，又做了十分钟呼吸运动，随即试图在就寝前静坐一个钟点，以积蓄精力和恢复平静，他不愿再想这件烦人的事情。
第二天上午，一位青年工作人员把克乃西特大师从宾馆带到最高当局办公室，有幸成为一睹两位长者行礼风采的见证人。尽管这位青年早已司空见惯大师们静坐和修炼情况，但是这两位长者互相问候的表情、举止和语气却令他颇感特别，其中有些见所未见的、不同寻常的东西，一种过分的聚精会神和沉着镇定。这位青年向我们描述说，当时的情景不像是两位可敬的同事惯常问候的样子，往常他们见面时大都轻松愉快，像参加典礼或者庆祝活动似的，尽管偶尔也会像在比赛彬彬有礼和互相谦让。这回却不同，主客相见好似陌生人相逢，好像有一位远道而来的著名瑜伽大师前来拜会宗教团体领袖，意欲与他一较高下似的。两人的言语和举止都十分谦逊和谨慎，两人的目光和面容看似平静、专注而沉着，却充满了一种隐秘的紧张气息，好像两人都在发光或者都充了电流一般。我们这位目睹者没能看到和听到两位长者会见的后来情况，因为他们很快便从办公室消失不见，大概是进了亚历山大大师的私人书房，两人在那里连续呆了好几个钟点，始终不允许别人打扰。我们下面提供的材料，全都得自特西格诺利议员先生在多次不同场合的讲话，因为约瑟夫'克乃西特后来曾向他透露了当年谈话的若干内容。
“您昨天真让我吃了一惊，”教会组织的领导人首先开腔道，“我几乎失去自制力。这也使我把您的事大致考虑了一遍。当然，我的立场没有改变，我是宗教团体成员和最高行政当局成员。根据我们的规章，您有权辞去官职和退出宗教组织。
您事实上早已视自己的职务为累赘，把进人世俗世界尝试另一种生活视为必要了。
倘若我现在向您提出下列建议：您可以试试您的决定，但是不必像您自己设想的那么激烈，譬如不辞职而是一次较长的休假，或者甚至是不规定期限的长假，不知意下如何？这么做大致符合您申请的目标吧。 "
“不完全符合的，”克乃西特回答。“如果我的请求获得批准，我当然还是留在自己的教会组织里，然而却不是留在办公室里。您如此好意的建议，结果也许仅是一种逃避而已。我必须说，倘若一位玻璃球游戏大师长期或不定期休假在外，人们也不知道他还会不会回来，这对华尔采尔和玻璃球游戏都没有一点儿好处。就算他隔了一年、两年后回来复职了，那么他的职务能力，他的指导玻璃球游戏的技艺，肯定也唯有退步而没有长进的。”
亚历山大接着说道：“他也许会获得各种其他的教益。也许他会体验到外界的生活和自己所设想的完全不同，也并非如自己想象的那么需要他，他也许会安安心心回来，乐意呆在自己习惯的老地方。”
“承您好心考虑这么长远，我很感谢您，却难以领受。我所寻求的，既非闲来无事的好奇心，也非眷恋世俗生活，而是一种绝对的目标。我这次走向世界，并不想办什么万一失败即可回返的保险手续，我并不希望做一个看世界的谨慎旅客。恰恰相反，我渴望的是危难、艰险，我渴望真正的现实，渴望使命和任务，甚至也渴望贫困和痛苦。可否允许我恳请您不再提什么好心的建议？您想动摇我的决心，纯属白费力气。否则我此次前来见您，岂非毫无价值和奉献了么！何况我现在早已不在乎当局同意与否，因为我的请求也早已事过境迁。我今天已经踏上的这条道路，已是我独一无二的道路，是我的一切，我的规律，我的归宿，我的使命了。”
亚历山大叹了一口气，点点头表示认可，“那么再让我们假设一下吧，”他耐着性子说道，“倘若我实在无法软化您或者劝阻您，倘若您决心逆反行事，对任何权威思想、理性观念、好意劝告均充耳不闻；倘若您决意做一个疯子和狂人，横扫一切拦阻的人，那么我也只好暂时放弃改变您或者影响您的打算了。但是我现在得请您告诉我，您来这里究竟想向我说什么。请您说说背弃自己团体的故事，为何产生这种令我们震惊的决心和行动！请您向我解释清楚，不论是一种忏侮，还是一种辩护，甚至是一种控诉，我都愿意聆听。”
克乃西特点了点头。“这个狂人感谢您愿意倾听，我很乐意对您叙述。我毫无控诉之意。我只是想说明——但愿不是那么难于说明，那么不可想象地行诸语言- -，就我的认识而言，这像是一种辩护，在您听来，也许像是一种仟悔。”
克乃西特靠向椅背，翘首仰望着穹形的屋顶，往昔古老年代希尔斯兰老修道院彩绘图画仍然依稀可辨，纤细的线条和淡淡的色调，各色花卉和装饰图案都像在梦境中一般。
“我这种厌倦大师职责和向往辞去官职的思想，第一次出现于刚刚就任玻璃球游戏大师职位不过几个月后。有一天我坐下来阅读曾经闻名遐尔的前辈游戏大师罗德维希·华塞马勒写的一本小书。那是他替后代继承者们撰写的指导每月工作进程的年历，有许多建议和提示。当时我读了他教导后人及时筹划未来年度玻璃球游戏公开比赛的劝诫，其中说：倘若这位后人还未感觉事情紧迫，也还缺乏任何好设想时，那就该及时集中精力作适当准备了。我当年作为最年轻的游戏大师，难免有些自负，确实曾无知地好笑老年人的过虑。然而，我也从中听出了一种沉重而又颇有威胁力量的音调。它引起我深思，经过思考后我作出了决定：倘若有朝一日筹划下一届玻璃球游戏庆典的工作，竟然成了我的烦恼和恐惧，而并非喜悦和自豪的话，那么我就应该向最高当局交还荣誉，辞职离去，而不应该为筹办新的庆典活动而疲于奔命。这便是我第一次产生这个思想的情景。其实我那时刚刚新官上任，大刀阔斧整顿了办公室工作，正值年轻气盛之际，哪肯相信自己也有一天会变成老人，会厌倦工作和生活，更不相信自己会才思枯竭，竟然不能胜任设计新的玻璃球游戏方案的任务。尽管如此，当时我心里还是作了这一决定。您对我那一阶段的情况颇为了解，尊敬的大人，也许比我自己还认识得更清楚。您曾是我就任初期最艰难阶段的顾问和忏悔长老，虽然您在华尔采尔只呆了很短时间就离开了。”
亚历山大审视地瞥了他一眼。“我几乎从没有过比那项工作更惬意的任务了，”
他说，旧时我与您相处，对您很满意，这在我是罕见的情况。如果说，人生在世必须为自己一切赏心乐事付出代价的话，那么我现在正是在偿还当年快乐的宿债。当时我确实为您感到自豪。今天我可不能再作此想了。倘若教会组织因您而令人失望，倘若您动摇了整个卡斯塔里，我知道自己也有一份责任。也许我当年应该在华尔采尔多逗留几个星期，作为您的同伴和顾问，应该对您更严格些、管教更精细些才对。 "
克乃西特快活地回瞥了他一眼。“您不要如此自责，大人，否则我就要提醒您当年给我的一些劝告。当时我是最年轻的大师，对待公务常常过于认真，您有一次曾对我说——我现在只想起这一次——，如果我，作为游戏大师，也许是个无能之辈或者无耻之徒，倘若我的所作所为不合大师身份，甚至利用职权干出假公济私的勾当，那么我对于我们亲爱的卡斯塔里也不会造成多大损害或影响，就如同把一颗小石子投入湖水，会激起若干波纹和涟漪，但很快就又归平静，了无痕迹了。因为我们卡斯塔里教会组织如此坚固如此稳定，它的精神思想更是坚不可摧。您还记得这些话吧？您不该为我的计划，为我成为卡斯塔里的罪人而大大损害了教会组织，受到责备。当然您也知道，无论我做了什么都不可能真正动摇您的平静境界。但是我现在还得继续往下叙述。——事实上，我可能就在任职之初便已有了这一决定，而且始终没有忘却自己的决定，如今仅仅是加以实践而已。我的决定与我内心经常出现的精神体验有关，我把这种体验称为'觉醒'，这是您早已知道的事实，当您还是我的顾问和导师时，我就曾向您描述过。我当时确实为自己公务缠身而不再出现精神体验，甚至几近完全消散难觅而向您诉苦。”
“我记得的，”亚历山大跟着说，“我当时对您具有这种精神体验能力颇为惊讶，这类能力在我们这里是罕见的，倒是常常以不同形式出现在世俗世界上：有时在某些天才身上，尤其是政治家和军事家身上，有时也会出现在某些病态的意志薄弱者身上，甚至出现在全无才能可言的人身上，例如：千里眼、顺风耳以及灵媒巫师之类。依我看来，您与这两种类型：战争天才或者生理特异才能，都全然不同。
当时，直到昨天以前，我倒是一直把您看成一个特别优秀的卡斯塔里人，谨慎、明智、恭顺。当时我不认为，您所说的那种充满神秘色彩的声音乃是妖魔鬼怪附身，或者纯为您内心自我的声音；不，我认为这完全不可能。因此我仅仅把您向我描述的'觉醒'状态理解为您总是偶尔自觉意识到本人的成长而已。我既已得出这一结论，当然推断您刚刚上任，承担的又是过重的任务，就像给您穿一件过大的衣服，要等待您再长大一些，衣服才能合身，因而就延迟了您这种精神'觉醒'体验的出现，但是，请告诉我：您是否曾经认为这种觉醒是某种不可抗拒的力量的启示，或者是来自某种永恒客观存在或神圣真理领域的召唤？ "
“您这番话，”克乃西特回答说，“倒是说着了我目前面临的难题，也就是如何用语言表达无法用语言表达的东西，用理性来阐释显然超出理性的东西。不，我从没有认为自己的觉醒是任何神道、妖魔，或者任何绝对真理的显现。让我感到这种体验具有价值和说服力的地方，决不在于它们的真理含义，它们的高贵来源，它们的神圣性或者诸如此类的神秘特性，而在于它们的真实性。对我而言，它们是无比真实的，有点类似一种剧烈的肉体痛苦，或者是一种突如其来的自然现象，譬如暴风雨或地震，让我们感受到迥异于日常生活和普通处境的不同寻常的真实性、当前性、不可逃脱性等等。那种把我们急急赶回家中，几乎把大门从我们手中掀走的疾风——或者那种似乎把世界上一切紧张、痛苦与矛盾都集中到了我们下鄂的剧烈的牙痛——，那就是我所说的真实性。事后，我们也可能会开始思考它们的现实价值，或者探究它们对我们有无意义；倘若我们果真有研究兴趣的话，但是在它们出现的那一时刻，我们的体验却是完全真实，毫无怀疑余地的。对我说来，我的'觉醒'就具有这样类似于强烈现实的真实性，这便是我赋予它'觉醒'名称的原因。
每逢我身临体验时刻，我都切实地感觉自己好似熟睡了很长时间或者从长长的假寐状况中突然醒来，感觉自己的头脑特别清醒和清楚，远远胜于平常日子。这种情况也存在于世界历史上，凡是大灾大难降临之际，都会出现令人信服的必然性因素，让人产生一种不可抗拒的现实感和紧张感。不论这类震撼结果如何，是光明美好还是黑暗混乱，——无论如何，当时发生的情况必然是壮丽、伟大而重要的，同习以为常的平凡一定迥然不同，因而显得特别突出。 "
克乃西特停下来略略歇了一息，便又继续往下叙述：“请让我再从另一个角度来谈谈这个问题。您还记得圣克利斯多夫的传奇故事吧？啊，记得的。这个克利斯多夫是位极勇敢而有能力的人，然而他不愿意成为统治人民的主子，而愿意服务，服务是他的长处和艺术，他知道怎么做。至于为谁服务，他并非随随便便无所谓。
他认为必须服务于最伟大、最有权威的人。因此一听说有人比他目前的主人更伟大，便会立刻前去投奔报效。我一直很喜欢这位伟大的仆人，我想大概是自己多少与他有类似之处。至少我知道，在我一生的独特时期——当我懂得如何支配自己的时候——，早在学生年代，我便已开始寻找服务的对象，但是彷徨迟疑了很长时间，才算选定了什么样的主人。很早以前，我就把玻璃球游戏视为我们学园最宝贵、最特殊的成果，却始终对它疑信参半，保持着相当距离，观望了许多年。我品尝过游戏的滋味，懂得这是世界上最迷人、最微妙的诱饵。此外，我还在很年轻的时候便已觉察到，凡是从事这一引人入胜游戏的人，如果想有所长进，游戏便要求他竭尽全力，单纯当作业余消遣是不成的。然而，在我的内心深处始终有一种本能的直觉，反对我永远耗费精力与兴趣在这种魔术事业里。我内心深处始终有一种追求纯朴，追求健康和完整的自然感情提醒我防范华尔采尔的玻璃球游戏学园精神，它确乎又专门又精致，是一种经过高度加工的文化，然而却与人类生活整体相隔离，落入了孤芳自赏之中。我探索和徘徊了许多年后，才算下定决心不顾一切从事玻璃球游戏。
我做出这个决定，恰恰是因为那一种压迫我服务的力量，它迫使我只追求最高成就、只为最伟大的主人效力。 "
“我懂得这一点，”亚历山大大师认可说。“但是我尽管看到了这一点，我也懂得您为何如此表现，我却仍然以同样理由反对您的一切执拗行为。您有一种过分强烈的自我意识，或者也可说是您太自我倚重了，这与成为一个伟大人物完全是两码事。一个人可以由于才华出众，意志坚定，沉毅忍耐而成为第一流的明星，但是他同时必须善于集中心志与自己所属的整个体系保持平衡，而不致于发生摩擦和虚耗精力。而另外有一个人，才能与这个人等同，也许还略胜一筹，然而他的轴线偏离了中心点，以致他的一半精力消耗于离开了中心的活动方向，这不但削弱了他自己的力量，还扰乱了周围的世界。您必然是这一类型的人。不过我确实得承认，您曾十分高明地掩藏了这些特点，如今才会让这个毛病以更大的毒性发作出来。您刚才讲到了圣克利斯多夫，我不得不承认，这个人是有他的伟大和感人之处，却不能够以他作为我们教会组织服务者的典范。谁若立志于服务，便当忠于他曾立誓效命的主人，荣辱与共，而不该一发现更出色的主人，便立即弃旧换新。这样做的仆人是审判自己主人的法官，您的行为正是如此。您愿始终效命于最出色的主人，却天真无邪到要让您自己来判定所选服务的对象——主子们的高低级别！”
克乃西特始终静静倾听着，听到这里脸上不觉掠过一丝凄凉的阴影。他接下去说道：“我尊重您的判断，我不能指望有别的判断。不过还请您再听我继续说几句，只再稍稍说几句。后来我专事玻璃球游戏，事实上确有很长一段时间，我深信自己是在为一个至高无上的主人服务。至少我的朋友特西格诺利——我们在议会里的支持者——曾经非常生动地形容过当时的我：一个骄矜自大而厌倦享乐的玻璃球游戏精英。同时，我还必须告诉您，自从我进入高等学校和出现'觉醒'之后，'超越'一词对我所具有的意义。我想，事实起因于我阅读启蒙时期一位哲学家的著作，接着又受到托马斯·封·德·特拉维大师的影响。自那时以来，'超越'便与'觉醒'一样，成了我的名副其实的魔术咒语，成了我的动力、慰藉和承诺。我当时决定，我的生活当是一种不停顿的超越，一个阶段又一个阶段的前进，我要穿越一个空间进人下一个，又把下一个留在身后，就如同音乐不断演进，从一个主旋律到另一个主旋律，从一个节拍到另一个节拍，演奏着，完成着，完成了便继续向前，永不疲倦、永不休眠、永远清醒、永远是完美无缺的现在。通过'觉醒'体验，我觉察到，确实存在这种阶段和空间，生命的每一个阶段临近终点时刻，它自身便会显现凋谢和濒临死亡的气息，而当山穷水尽之际，就会自然出现转机，把生命导向转化，进入新的空间，出现新的觉醒，有了新的开端。我所以向您勾勒这么一幅超越的图像，只是一种手段，也许可以帮助您了解我的生活。我决定从事玻璃球游戏，是我生平一个重要阶段，其意义绝不亚于我为接受第一次使命而加入宗教团体。就连我担任玻璃球游戏大师职务期间，我也曾有过类似阶段式前进的体验。我认为官职给我的最大益处是让我发现了新的工作乐趣，不仅是音乐和玻璃球游戏让人快乐，教育和培植人才也是令人快乐的工作。逐渐地，我还进一步发现，受教育者年龄越小，尚未受到任何误导，那么教育工作也就越富于乐趣。这件事情也与许多其他事情一样，随着年代的流逝，使我越来越想教导更年幼的孩子，最愿意去初级学校当一名小学教师。总之，我的想象常常让我越出本职工作的范围。”
克乃西特停下来，歇了一口气。亚历山大插进来说道：“您总是越来越令我惊讶，大师。您在这里尽谈自己的生活，谈的内容只涉及您私人的主观的精神体验，个人愿望，个人发展和个人决定，几乎没有别的内容！我真弄不明白，像您这样有地位的卡斯塔里人，竟然如此主观地看待自己和自己的生活。”
他的语气中带有一种介于责备和悲伤间的音凋，使克乃西特感到痛苦。然而克乃西特尽量保持平静，接着欢快地高声说道：“尊敬的先生，我们此时此刻谈论的不是卡斯塔里，不是行政当局，也不是教会组织，我们独一无二的话题是我本人，谈我的精神历程，这个人正因不得不替您增添诸多麻烦而内心深感痛苦。倘若我谈论游戏大师公务，谈论完成任务情况，谈论我作为卡斯塔里人和游戏大师有无贡献的问题，我认为是不恰当的。我执行公职的情况，就如同我整整一生的外在行迹一样，全都明明白白展示在您眼前，您一望便知的，而且您也是找不出什么差错的。
我们此时此刻需要谈论的是另一种内容，也即是向您陈述清楚我个人走过的道路，因为这条路今天已引领我走出华尔采尔，而明天更将引领我走出卡斯塔里。请您宽宏大量，再给予我一点时间吧！ "
他接着说道：“我得以知道卡斯塔里之外还有一个大世界的现实，并非由于我的研究工作（在书本里，这个大世界仅出现于遥远的古代），而当首先归功于我的同学特西格诺利——一位来自外面世界的旁听生。后来，我在本笃会修道院逗留期间，与约可布斯神父交往时所得更多。对那个世界，我亲眼目睹的东西极少，通过约可布斯神父向我灌输的、他称之为历史的知识，我揣摩到了大概的轮廓，也许这就打下了我日后脱离的基础。我从修道院回到这个几乎毫无历史概念的国家里，这是一个只有学者和玻璃球游戏选手的教育王国，一个有高度文化修养，也极令人愉快的社会，但是我发现，似乎仅有我一人对那个世界略有所知，略有好奇心，也仅有我一人对它有所同情和向往。毫无疑问，这里有足够让我得到补偿的东西。这里有几位我极其敬仰的人物，让我成为他们的同事，令我感到既羞愧又光荣；这里有一大批文化修养极高的优秀人材；这里还有许多值得做的工作，更有大量才能出众的可爱的青年学生。然而，我在师事约可布斯神父期间，却也同时发现自己不仅是卡斯塔里人，而且也是一个属于外面世界的人。我觉得那个世界与我有关，并且也向我提出了要求。从这一发现中连续不断地衍生出了需求、愿望、要求和责任，但是我却无法面对其中的任何一个内容。在卡斯塔里人眼中，世俗世界的生活是一种近乎堕落和低劣的生活，那种生活无秩序可言，既粗鲁又野蛮，既混乱又痛苦，可说是一种全无美好与理想可言的拙劣的生活。但是，那个外面的世界及其生活，事实上比卡斯塔里人所能够想象的不知道要广大和丰富多少，简直到了无以复加的程度。那个世界里充满演变、历史、实验以及永恒常新的肇始，它也许是一片混沌，然而却是一切命运，一切创造，一切艺术以及整个人类的归宿和故土，它产生出语言、民族、国家、文化，也产生出了我们和我们的卡斯塔里，它还会目睹一切再度沦亡