Chapter 9 third chapter

The next day, as I walked towards Cyril's villa, I was mentally unsure of myself.To celebrate my recovery, I had a very happy dinner the first day and drank a lot of wine.I explained to my father that I was going to get a Bachelor of Arts, that I was going to have frequent consultations with learned men, that I wanted to be famous and famous.He has to use all the wealth of advertising and public opinion in order to make me famous.We exchanged some ridiculous ideas with each other, and we laughed out loud.Anna laughed too, but not as loudly as we did, with a kind of indulgence.Sometimes, she suppressed her smile and scowled, because the idea of ​​my being famous went beyond small talk, beyond common sense.Father was so pleased, however, that she said nothing, as our silly jokes restored us to our cheerful dispositions.Finally, they put me to bed and tucked the blankets in for me.I thanked them affectionately and asked what I would do without them.My father really didn't know.Anna seemed to have rather ruthless thoughts about it.

But when I begged her to share the thought and she fell on top of me, sleepiness overwhelmed me.At night, I was sick. I've never felt so bad when I woke up in the morning.My mind is empty and my heart beats weakly.I walked towards the pine forest.I didn't see the morning sea or the excited seagulls. At the garden gate I met Cyril.He jumped towards me, put his arms around me, pressed tightly against his chest, and murmured some inarticulate words: "Darling, I've been so disturbed...for such a long time...I don't know what you've done, if that woman has made you unhappy...If I'm unhappy, I don't know what it will be...everyday I spent the afternoon in front of Xiaowan...I can't believe I love you so much..."

"Me too," I said. In fact, it both surprised and moved me.I was so distressed that I could not express my excitement to him.I feel sorry for that. "How pale you are," said he, "now, I will take care of you, and I will not subject you to long abuse." I heard it was Elsa's imagination.I asked Cyril what his mother had said about Elsa. "I introduced her to my mother as a friend, an orphan girl," he said, "and besides, Elsa is really lovely. She told me everything about that woman.It's also really strange that the woman's face is so delicate and noble, but she used those tricks. "

"Elsa has exaggerated things a lot," I said feebly, "and I was just about to say to her..." "Me too, I have something to say to you," Cyril interrupted, "Saibul, I want to marry you." I was flustered for a moment.Something had to be done, something had to be said.If my heart didn't ache so horribly... "I love you," said Cyril, against my hair, "I gave up my rights and I was offered a favorable position... an uncle... I am twenty-six and not a child anymore, and I think Seriously. What's your opinion?" I searched desperately for nice, ambiguous words.I don't want to marry him.I love him but don't want to marry him.I don't want to marry anyone, I don't feel well.

"It's impossible," I stammered, "my father" I'll take care of your father's place. said Cyril. "Anna doesn't want to," I said. "She claims I'm underage. She says no, and my father says no. Cyril, I'm sick. My legs are weak with excitement. Let's sit down." Elsa is here." She came down in her dressing gown, her face fresh and smooth.The health, vigor, and excitement of my complexion overshadowed me.She sat me down with the utmost care, as if I had just been released from prison. "How is Raymond?" she asked. "Does he know I'm here?"

She had that smile of forgiveness and hope.To her, I cannot say that my father has forgotten her; to him, I cannot say that I do not want to marry him.I close my eyes.Cyril went to get coffee.Erz was talking.Apparently, she regarded me as a very sharp person. She trusts me.The coffee is strong and fragrant.The sunshine lifted my spirits a little. "My search was in vain, I didn't find the answer," said Elsa. "There was no answer," Cyril said. "It was an obsession, an influence, and there was nothing to do." "No," I said, "there is a way. You have no imagination."

Seeing them listening attentively to my words made me very happy.They are all 10 years older than me, but they can't figure it out!I put on an air of relief: "It's a psychological problem," I said. I talked for a long time and explained my plan to them.They raised some objections to me.I also raised these objections to myself yesterday.I therefore take a strong pleasure in resolving these objections.This was unmotivated, but because I wanted to persuade them, I was also moved by passion.I proved to them that it works.I'd also like to explain to them that it's not necessary, but I can't find a more convincing reason.

"I don't like this method," said Cyril, "but if it's the only way of getting you, I'll take it." "Exactly, it's not Anna's fault," I said. "You know very well that as long as she stays in your house you will marry only whomever she wishes," said Elsa. This may be true.I pictured Anna introducing me to a young man when I was 20 years old.He would also be a bachelor, promising and bright.Calm, definitely loyal.Also, kinda like Cyril.I laughed. "Please, don't laugh," said Cyril, "tell me, if I pretend to be in love with Elsa, will you not be jealous?

How could you come up with such a plan?Don't you love me? " he said softly.Elsa walked away quietly.I looked at Cyril's tense brown face and dark eyes.He loves me and it gives me a strange feeling.I look at his mouth.It's full of blood and so close to me... I don't feel like a sane person anymore.He pushed his face forward a little so that at last our lips met and we recognized each other. I remained seated, eyes open; his mouth remained motionless on mine.It was a warm, not soft mouth. It trembled slightly, and he squeezed a little more to stop the tremor.Then his lips parted and his kiss loosened and became eager and mobile and extremely mobile...I knew I had more talent for kissing a lad in the sun than I did for a bachelor's degree.I moved away from him a little bit, panting.

"Cecile, we have to live together. Elsa and I will sing this little show." I asked myself if the calculations were accurate.I'm the center of the play, the director.I can stop it at any time. "You have some weird ideas." Cyril said, turning his lips and smiling slightly with a crooked mouth, looking like a robber, a very handsome robber... "Kiss me," I whispered, "kiss me." In this way, I opened the curtain of this comedy.I did this out of involuntary, out of casualness and curiosity.But I sometimes prefer to believe that I forced myself to do it on purpose, out of hate... At least I can blame myself instead of Lazy and the sun and Cyril's kisses.

After an hour I was quite bored and left the conspirators.I also had many reasons to console myself: my plan would not work, and my father could develop his passion for Anna to the point of devotion.Besides, Elsa and Cyril can do nothing without me.As long as my father seemed to be despondent and let it go, I could find a reason to stop the scene.It's always fun to try it out and see if my mental calculations are right or wrong. Besides, Cyril loves me and wants to marry me: the very thought is enough to make me happy.If he can wait for me for a year or two until I am an adult, I will agree.I already imagined living with Cyril, sleeping next to him, being with him everywhere. Every Sunday, we would go to dinner with Anna and my father, and the family would get together, maybe Cyril's mother too.This helps create the ambience for eating. I met Anna on the platform.She was going down to join my father on the beach.She greeted me with the mocking air one greets someone who has had a drink the night before.I asked her last night, before I went to bed.She almost said something to me, but she laughed and didn't answer, on the pretext that it would annoy me.Father emerged from the water.His broad shoulders, round waist, and bulging muscles made him look extremely handsome in my eyes.I went into the water with Anna.She swam slowly, keeping her head above the water so as not to wet her hair. Then, the three of us fell side by side on the sand.I am among them.We were silent and at peace. Just then, at the end of the creek, the ship appeared with full sail.Father was the first to see it. "This dear Cyril can bear it no longer," he said, laughing. "Shall we forgive him, Anna? Actually, the lad is quite sweet." I looked up, sensing danger. "But what's he doing?" said the father. "Going out of the creek. Ah! He's not alone..." Anna looked up too.The boat passed us and passed us.I saw Cyril's face clearly.I secretly begged him to leave. My father screamed, startling me.However, I've been waiting two minutes for it. "But...but that's Elsa! What's she doing there?" He turned to Anna: "What an extraordinary girl! She probably caught the poor boy, and got the old woman's consent." But Anna didn't listen to him.She looks at me.I met her eyes and buried my face in the sand, filled with shame.She reached out and placed her hand on my neck: "Look at me please. Do you hate me?" I opened my eyes: an uneasy, almost pleading look shot at me.The first time she looked at me the way one looks at a sensitive, thinking person, and on a day like this... I let out a groan and jerked my head to my father's side to shake off her hand.Father was looking at the boat. "My poor little girl," Anna continued, in a low voice, "my poor little Cécile, it's more or less my fault, I probably shouldn't have been so hard... I didn't mean to make you feel bad, can you believe it? ?" She stroked my hair and neck affectionately.I don't move.When a wave recedes and the sand flows away beneath me, I too have a sense of loss: a benevolent wish, a failed wish, overtakes me.No emotion, neither anger nor hope, has ever attracted me so much.Abandon that comedy, entrust my life to her, and put me at her disposal until the end of my life.I have never felt so tortured, so disturbingly cowardly.I close my eyes.I felt like my heart stopped beating too.