Chapter 8 "Prey" part two family logo

family logo (1) Four years later, Jean-Luc, who had not seen his father's family since his marriage, came to Vychner for a few hours.Vishina's house is up for sale. Claudine had recently married a lawyer in Riom.Her mother and younger brother will likely live with her.The family pension was unsuccessful.The building was dilapidated, dimly lit, and almost collapsed.As the family gathered in the hall downstairs to wait for Jean-Luc, a faint smell wafted from the kitchen, mixed with rain, mustiness, and a wall-1 stench like the breath of old walls. Spring has just begun, and it's a season of biting cold and change.The garden furniture was piled up in the downstairs room as before.The green balls of the croquet string rolled underfoot.In Jean-Luc's favorite position, in front of the window, you can hear the sound of cars on the road, the whistle of the train in the distance, and the breath of the outside world enters the closed and suffocating room from there, that position Now another boy—Joseph was waiting, waiting for a moment of opportunity.He is seventeen years old.All he knew was that his school and this house, which looked ghastly in the lonely winter, were more terrifying than the few boarders the summer brought.It was a thin, precocious child, with a handsome face, dark hair, and a forehead typical of the Dagherners, in which a thin, straight line was dug when he frowned, like a The hallmark of the family passed down to his sons by the old Dagherner.

The women were sewing, and the dim light of the day filtered through the branches of the black cedar.Clotina was pregnant, her body was fat, and her face was full of joy, while Mathilde was still as thin and dry as before.They were talking, their voices now whispering like whispers, now rising like the most violent quarrels, when really they were talking only about the silk thread to embroider or the color of the bib.what!I don't want to see them again, I don't want to hear them talk again!Joseph thought.Fly away!What a dream!But instead of going to the gloomy Liom, he went to live in Paris, only in Paris, and finally began to live... Jean-Luc was once lonely like him, without money and without support, but then he Learn to control others, achieve an ideal marriage, and become famous. "Why not me?" Joseph thought.He knew little about the financial collapse of Salar Bank and the period of hardship that Jean-Luc experienced.Now, it can be said that Jean-Luc has money, influence and prestige, and he has the backing of Calicut Lancun.He had accomplished this feat of ascending from ordinary life, and he was no longer required to do the drudgery that exhausted one's life, to live a life of wandering for the meager money, and all this What happened to those whom Joseph knew would become what happened to Joseph himself.True, if he followed his mother to Riom, his three meals a day were guaranteed. "But it's not enough, no, it's not enough," he thought, pressing his face against the glass of the window and squinting to better pursue his dreams.A job as a notary's clerk was found for him by a friend of his brother-in-law's.No, never, never do that!So, to work, to endure, to suffer?Yes, but for an admirable purpose and a bright future, for wealth and power, and not for the dry bread promised to him with his life.Of course he knew that he had to think about his mother and help her.Isn't she always there babbling, "I'm depending on you..." which means he has to make sacrifices for her and get a job as soon as possible because he has to feed her? ... No, he has some strength and some courage, but these are reserved for himself, for him alone... He is very young.He didn't want to lose his life for her.He thought to himself:

"I'm never going to go with her. I'll beg - Luke...he never cared about me. But who knows? It's easy for him to do anything now. He's famous and has his own network. Didn't he use his father-in-law at that time? Then I, I will use him..." He searched his memory for his brother's face.But he only remembers different versions of his brother that overlapped and replaced each other, forming a Jean-Luc that was far from the visible reality, but perhaps closer to the inner reality.A boy with a bare head and his hands in the pockets of an old green raincoat was wandering in the rain-soaked garden.A very young youth, sullen, fiery, doubtful, stern, asleep and all that.On summer nights, they slept in the same room.Joseph remembered the half-naked body, always pushing the blanket away anxiously.oh!Follow his example!This Jean-Luc, who has no relationship, no money, no help, how did he know how to conquer Etti Sarah, become the confidant of Calicut-Lanquin, and know those who control the fate of the world, decide war and peace ?Of course, in his eyes, as in the eyes of many young people, congressmen are not very attractive.But the most visible forms of power remain in the hands of those lawmakers anyway, as the turbulent financial sector fades away.How Jean-Luc knew this, how he knew how to use others... His career was just beginning, but for Joseph, it was already a success.The hardest, he thought (as Jean-Luc had thought before), was breaking down the barriers the world had erected between its wealth and the aspirations of its youth.Over that hurdle, everything is possible, everything is possible... Take Jean-Luc as an example, and go beyond him... His adoration of his brother is marked by love, but also by fierce antagonism.Someday, he, Joseph, will be that "Dageller who made it big"...why not?

"Jean-Luc is thirty years old," he thought to himself, "thirty, old... I..." "I can't see it," said the mother. "Clautina, go and turn on the light." The light reflected Joseph's face on the dim glass, and on it were the shadows of the two women in the room under the shade. Mathilde suddenly followed his thoughts and said: "I never begged him for anything. God knows it was so hard when your poor papa died... But Joseph was his brother. He couldn't be indifferent to his brother's future... ..." "You're so naive, mother," said Clotina with a dry chuckle, "he's never cared about us...he doesn't ask about us...but what surprised me most was how much he let us know." You adore. Why? He is the head of the minister's office at Calicut-Lanquin and also the secretary and subordinate.. He is rich. No wonder. When a man marries a rich girl, he is It's not hard to get money."

"Didn't Salar Bank have a financial collapse?" "Would those people ruin their own families too...that would be a bluff...Sarah must have given Eddie a handsome dowry. As for Jean-Luc's political career, I think it's so funny. He Not even an MP." "He's going to be an MP." "Do you think it's that easy? You know Morris ran for the last election and was not elected," said Clotina, with a tone of wifely tenderness and almost maternal pride in her loved one. And utter contempt for the rest of the world, "Maurice...he was so clever, so eloquent, so noble...and this petty, insignificant Jean-Luc...he was in your eyes That's the big shot, Mom. You're such a gullible..."

"Is it your Maurice who thinks of me that way? . . . Am I often deceived? . . . . " Mathilde Dagherne uttered the viper-like hiss that came when the women quarreled at home. The usual way, "Hey, pass me the scissors." "Where's the scissors... right in front of your eyes... I'd say you're inexperienced." "Then you are very experienced? You made me laugh out loud!" "I just repeated what Morris said." "of course." "You're jealous of Jean-Luc, and at the same time you're counting on him to help Joseph. But this... I'll say again you're naive, and you'd better pin your hopes on Maurice, Then I'd agree, but you're worshiping people who won't do anything for you."

"Oh! Enough, enough! Shut up!" Joseph murmured. family logo (2) But the mother and daughter did not hear.He opened the window and leaned out. ... run away... run away from them... the piercing sound continued to reach his ears.He thought of Eddie, whom he had seen once, four years ago, at Jean-Luc's wedding.How beautiful she is... But women, the most beautiful women, are everywhere now... They are so easy... They are so easy... Available... Only what he desires is far away, in his Beyond the scope of ability, it stimulates his desire.Realized ambition, money, they are not so important to win a woman's love as they used to be, but they are indispensable to the person, to oneself, to one's virtue.A car, like the one that drives the roads now, a beautiful, silent car that is more coveted than the most beautiful woman in the world.The car stopped in front of his house.It was Jean-Luc.

"Light the lantern on the steps," cried Mathilde Daglener. She got up and ran to the window with the high spirits of a young man.Clotina pretended not to care.Joseph's heart was pounding violently, and he murmured: "What a beautiful guy!" It was just Lanquin's car, which Jean-Luc used to drive.But no one in the Dagener family knew the car was not his. The door opened before Jean-Luc.He stopped for a moment at the door and took off his hat.He is well-dressed.He hugged his stepmother and Clotina, and then patted Joseph on the shoulder: "Now I'm an adult..."

The first change that shocked Joseph was his voice. He remembered his brother's voice better than his face and the words he had said.He remembered his brother's intentionally plain, monotonous, and neutral voice, but every word trembled slightly with a forced passion and a tense pathos, but now it was soft and unchanged, with only a little A slightly imperceptible, sometimes mocking, sometimes weary inflection.Jean-Luc was thin and spoke very little, but listened so intently, like a peeping cat, which he had learned earlier from Calicut Lanquin (perhaps unknowingly).Then, a cold mask suddenly covered his expression, and his eyes became sharp, not as cold as before, but more cautious and elusive.Brother, mother, and Claudine, Joseph didn't listen to a word of what the three of them said, the list of property, the inheritance, but he looked at his brother with such interest!Jean-Luc glanced at the walls and furniture, which aroused no emotion in him.

"That's good," Joseph thought, "it should be like this... People have to get rid of their childhood memories, just like a snake sheds a layer of old skin, there is no regret... If it was me..." He shivered with hope in his heart.Why not him, why not him? …At the next election, Jean-Luc will be elected a member of parliament and soon a minister.The role he plays next to Jean-Luc will be the role Jean-Luc plays next to Lanquin now.Is Jean-Luc happy?But, these days, who cares about happiness?The first priority is to survive, to survive!Defend Yourself...with Claws and Teeth from Others...

Joseph stood by the window, where he stood and did not move.Mrs. Dagherner spoke with agitation.Jean-Luc squinted to listen to her.Clotina's piercing voice suddenly became sharp, and for a moment she tried to cover Mathilde's voice.Joseph heard her say: "There is nothing in this house worth more than ten francs." "But here," said her mother bitterly, "there are some memories dear to your brother, not because of their commodity value, but because of an emotion. Am I right, Jean-Luc ?” Joseph heard no answer.He slipped out of the house.He will wait for his brother in the garden and go with him.He will see him for a while without anyone else present.He might get not help from him but a suggestion, who knows?He suddenly felt weak and alone. When Jean-Luc came out, Joseph rushed over and asked in a voice broken by excitement: "Can you take me to Paris?...I promised a classmate...you can put me wherever you want in Paris..." Jean-Luc looked at him with an imperceptible smile: "Get in the car, my brother..." He stood on the last step, looking at the shadowy walls, the lighted lanterns, and the shadows of the old cedar trees that were now barely visible.He got his brother into the car and they went off together. 2 Talking to Joseph, Jean-Luc felt for the first time, deep down, the passage of time that people rarely paid attention to.For Joseph, Jean-Luc was already a successful man, mature, but Jean-Luc himself thought he was not yet, still standing on the threshold of his career, surrounded by old guys.He smiled slightly, but his heart was heavy.He envied Joseph.In Joseph's eyes, success still retains its dreamy beauty and charm; for him, before it appears, he begins to doubt whether it exists.There may be some achievements, corrupted by self-doubt, pain, jealousy, fear, but those strong feelings of victory may be all that this little Joseph imagined, but these are just children. fantasy.There are always more things to grab, rarer, harder, less accessible things to acquire, competitors, and fears of failure.At Joseph's age, failure was even exciting.Young people find a vague pleasure in pain and disaster.For him, even imaginary failure was unbearable.When he thought of the possibility of losing the next election, he felt an intolerable shame early on, which wiped out all happiness in him, but when he thought of the possibility of winning the parliamentary office, he opened his eyes. He was not happy when he was given the key to his career.well!Yes, then he will be like Lan Kun or Resur.He'll always have what Lankun and Resur like...and after that? With what admiration did little Joseph look at the car and his brother's clothes!With what deference he spoke to his brother!And with what admiration he listened to him!For a moment Jean-Luc savored the tranquility which is so rarely found in the ambitious mind.This road that seemed so long and so slow to him turned out to be an extremely fast journey in Joseph's eyes.In an instant his eternal dissatisfaction with himself subsided and disappeared.he asked: "What are you doing in Paris?" "Nothing. But I can leave the house overnight, you understand?" "I see……" "Are you happy?" Joseph asked suddenly in a low voice. family logo (3) Jean-Luc thought to himself: "He's not like me in that respect. I'd never be so . Joseph's skin was very tender, like a girl's, and when he got agitated, his cheeks would turn red.He waited anxiously for his brother to answer. "What can I say to him?" thought Jean-Luc. "Compared with him, I may be happy!" He said aloud: "What is happiness to you? Is it a woman's love, money, or the fulfillment of one's ambition?" "Ah! love, well, easy to get...money, in the old sense, after the war, I don't think it exists anymore. Well, I mean, there are no more legends in finance , don't you?" he said, looking for the right words, and finding them with great difficulty, and words so weak that he was clearly angry with himself, "Today, it's just politics." "Your mother told me you were going to live in Riom." "Yes." After finishing speaking, Joseph sighed. "That's right!" said Jean-Luc. "There, too, ambition can be realized. Just a little differently, and success is the same, just a little different." "Are you making fun of me?" "It's not as serious as you make it out to be." When he arrived in Paris, Jean-Luc took his brother into a restaurant on the Champs Elysees and invited him to drink.There were a lot of women in the restaurant, the kind, he thought, the kind that boys could please.But he forgot that at Joseph's age he had other wishes of his own.He introduced his brother to some women, but Joseph seemed unmoved. It was getting late, and Jean-Luc checked the time. "Go now. Do you want the car to take you back to Vishina?" "Oh! No, I beg you..." "Then where do you sleep? Go to sleep at my house?" "No, no, you don't have to worry about this... I have some friends who will lend me a bed for the night. You have something urgent, let's go." "I've got another phone call," said Jean-Luc. Joseph stopped at the door of the telephone booth, and his brother gently pushed him in. "Go in, it's okay." He had the call put over to Calicut Lanquin.After talking with Lan Kun for a while, he suddenly found that Joseph was staring at him intently.Not a woman, not a sign of getting rich, not a car, what Joseph envied was this, it was his close relationship with Lan Kun, and it was entering the world that held power and wealth distribution rights. As they stepped out of the phone booth, Joseph said: "You must think it's ridiculous, but I envy you so much. The life ahead of me was so hard, so narrow, and you... but how did you do it? What's the secret?... Is there a secret?... By job, opportunity, or intelligence? Need what?...Tell me...Me too, I want to make a career, I want to get ahead. Oh! I'm talking to you like this because you made me drink. Otherwise, I'm afraid to say it. You're going to laugh at me, aren't you? That's not good. And don't tell me things like: 'I made it - but it's not worth it...'" "And what do you want me to tell you?" said Jean-Luc, shrugging his shoulders. "Know people. That may be the only secret. But you can't learn it. Know people by instinct, or Never……" He held out his hand to Joseph: "Good night, little one..." Joseph lowered his eyes and murmured: "Good night……" Jean-Luc watched him walk slowly up the Champs-Elysées.Long walks in the dark night, long walks in the rain, dreams evoked among passers-by who don't know your name or your face, the burning hope of someday fame, the success that gnaws at your heart And the longing for action, a longing that no love from now on can compare to... The little bar in the dark, the friends, the boys just like you, the long nights of madness, the tender dreams, all of them It is the wealth that Joseph now possesses. 3 Not long ago, in a café in Montparnasse, Jean-Luc met Dourdin's former mistress, Marie Bélanger.Dourdin was his pain... "The only act of cowardice in my life," he thought, "unforgivable..." However, he went up to Marie and began talking to her without mentioning Dourdin , but to talk about herself, hoping to learn about Dourdan's recent situation and whether his suffering has ended.Mary also didn't mention his name! ... Jean-Luc learned that she still lived in the Rue Ferroud, and he really wanted to go back and see that house again.Why do you have this idea? ...Maybe as much as he wanted to go to the Latin Quarter where he lived, as much as he wanted to go to this café in Montparnasse (how many times he had eaten a croissant and a cup of coffee with milk here), as he wanted to Back to Vishina same.Only there, pacing up and down the path that had been taken, would the involuntary deep dissatisfaction in him subside.So when he followed a woman he met in the street, when he went upstairs and into the gloomy tenement with her, he tried to stimulate the joy of the present by the memory of past misery.The red cotton curtains, the cold sheets and the faded wall covering made him think that later, he would return to that comfortable and beautiful house, and see the Eddie he wanted so much... He thought to himself, It was only at this time that Aidi's image became beautiful and delicate again... Mary is a small and frail woman.Her breasts and waist were thin, her face was bare of make-up, her cheeks were thin, her eyes did not glow when she smiled, and darkened and more anxious when she laughed.On this first night, she was wearing a very unremarkable black coat with worn leather lapels and reddish-brown trim, and a black beret on her head, just like she had done four years ago. Like the first time at Jean-Luc's. They had met several times since then, and he returned to the Rue de Ferrou with her.When he saw the long dark corridor, lit by gas lamps at one end, he felt that time had been annulled, that he would find the little table lying before the fire. Eddie on the couch.He paused at the door for a moment, contemplating, as before, the thin pale light of fire in the corridor, which now and then was bent and then straightened again by an invisible breeze blowing from every direction, until Burning straight and motionless.It was here, before this door, that he lowered two heavy silver candlesticks to the ground.What a cold day it was... how wretched he was, how poorly dressed, how heavy his heart was... that was the night he decided to get Eddie, to use her as a springboard, and she almost It became the bane of his destruction.Maybe, if he had given up on Eddie, another woman, now... Never in his youth had he shown such a humble need for happiness and tranquility.At that time, for tranquility, rather than longing for it, he feared it.Like all young men, he only longed to fight, to succeed.He thought of Joseph, and admired his youthful fiery strength, the only kind of strength that does not require happiness. After saying goodbye to Joseph that night, he went to Mary's house.When he knocked on the door of her house and she asked who it was, the tone was full of expectation and panic, he clearly guessed that the person she was waiting for was not him, but another man. family logo (4) When she opened the door, he asked in a low voice: "Who are you waiting for?" But she shook her head slightly and didn't answer.He went in and she made him sit down and served him tea by a spirit lamp.Neither of them spoke, and then she suddenly asked: "You used to come here to see Eddie Sarah, didn't you?" "Yes. You know her?" "I used to know her... Now she is your wife... You must be very happy..." "I don't know...maybe," he said casually. He had a strange feeling of wanting to be sympathetic, and he told this woman he barely knew about his sorrow and his disappointment in life.However, he was ashamed to speak and did not speak out. She said: "Me too, I married a guy who I love and he loves me. But I don't feel particularly happy." Her eyes were fixed on the open, dark window.She gazed into the gaping-mouthed darkness with longing, with despair. he asked: "Have you no home now? Have you never had a child?" "I didn't have a baby, I had a fight with my family when I got divorced. I'm alone now." "Are you working?" "Yes, I work as a secretary, a typist, a consultant, everything...in a small law firm. They pay me little, irregularly, but they pay me anyway. I can Live on. In this day and age, that's pretty good..." "I can help you." At first she didn't answer, then she said: "I don't need anything..." He looked at her in surprise: this passive state was so completely different from his own state of mind, but he didn't know what about this woman moved him.There were women—he thought of Eddie—that were so hard to beat, and so flippant, and so smug.And other women, after experiencing misfortune, bankruptcy, and social disaster, are overwhelmed, let themselves go, and then fend for themselves.And this woman seems to be abandoned, with no relatives or friends... he asked: "Will you allow me to come?" She nodded slightly, without answering.She didn't smile.She looked at him fixedly, but it seemed like she didn't see him.She seemed to be searching deep within her for the memory of a face and a voice that had been silenced. 4 The Dagener family of three lived on the top floor of a brand new white building on the edge of the Bois Forest.Living in such a high house, at night, the sound of a surge that cannot be heard on the streets of Paris roars at the window.Walking to the glass window, I could feel the cold air I exhaled.The sky was serene, and the black treetops of the Bois forest were hardly moving, but here, on the veranda, at the living room door, the wind kept wandering, moaning, howling. That night, as if by a miracle, there were no guests at Dagherner's house. The apartment, the four great rooms at the front, the balconies, the white square draperies, all were purpose-built for receptions, for talking and laughing.The room was as silent as at a funeral.Drinking was for Jean-Luc a deliberate way of life which, although he disliked high society, he considered essential.After eating delicious food, everything is so easy.Small transactions for their own interests, things like mutual flattery are so logical and natural between the two doors.People came to his house in order to meet some politicians and Lan Kun, especially Lan Kun was always scheduled to be there.It was strange... this kind of social success seemed to him so slow in some ways.But for money, it is so easy to get, it makes him feel disgusted.He has no wealth, but position, job, these things that represent magical opportunities for mortals, are within reach for him, and it takes no effort to get them.What they do here is more out of friendship, out of benevolence, out of the desire to show power, than out of intrigue.These politicians are joking, joking, nonchalant, and their greatest flaw is their need to be admired, even by a Jean-Luc who they consider a child, and to display their power.A word, a smile, a puff of smoke... coveted jobs are easier to get than hard work.That's far from rich, but three thousand francs here and four thousand francs there a month, receiving guests, dressing up, expanding social circles, increasing opportunities to make these connections, the funds required for these activities are have it all.What role do dreams of power and ambition play here? …Success, when it is out of reach, is full of dreamy beauty, but once it appears on the plane of reality, it seems dirty and small. Opposite Jean-Luc, on a white sofa illuminated by a lamp, Eddie was lying half-lying, showing her beautiful and bare arms in the wide sleeves.She was stunningly beautiful, a little bulky, a little sluggish, but she had a radiant face and an unrivaled complexion.She wore a white satin dressing gown, revealing her plump shoulders, finely textured and smooth as marble.Her blonde hair was tied back at the nape of her neck, and she stroked it now and then, as casually as if she were petting a pet. "What a beautiful stunner!" thought Jean-Luc. He no longer has any love for this woman in his heart, no emotion at all—this woman he longed for so much in the past. When he came to her side, his heart was full of love!He will never forgive her.Now, he thought, she was the culprit for his deep disillusionment.When a person's life is complete when he is young, he has experienced fiery passion, and his heart is enriched, everything will go smoothly and a kind of inner balance will be achieved, but now... this love is due to the idea of ​​revenge, because of interests and calculations. Then the taste changed... Maybe he was wrong too, the mistake was that he only wanted to love those who were worthy of love.Perhaps unrequited self-sacrifice is the only sure sign of love.He frowned.Love...at least, one thing is certain: it is an emotion unsuitable for grown-ups.Now, he was a man, but when he loved Etty, in his youth, love, for a child like him, should have its place, should exist, and be supreme, and now it was disillusioned, After drinking and eating, other worries and other passions naturally take the place of love.But he still has a longing, a desire, a dream... He sighed angrily and stood up.Eddie moved her eyes slowly towards him, looking surprised to see him.He himself is the same, often forgetting her existence, as if awakened, thinking to himself: "This woman, what is she doing here?" They are not suitable for each other.Although so many years have passed, they have experienced hardships together, had skin-to-skin contact between husband and wife, and had children, but they are not used to each other.Moreover, when the two of them were alone, they did not feel at ease, but rather unconsciously restrained, and both hoped that an unexpected visitor would appear suddenly and bring them relief. She said in a weak, reluctant but still angry voice: "Will not you go to bed?" "No. Not asleep yet." family logo (5) "Turn that light off... no, it's the other one. You don't see it hurt my eye..." He turned off the light as she said, and went out to the balcony.When he was at home, instinctively, all his thoughts went outside, to the street.Those dark and silent streets, in which he had wandered for a long time in his youth, so lonely, so miserable, yet so unencumbered, full of hope.He sighed and lowered the white curtains.Eddie willfully only wears white, and the surrounding decorations also choose white without exception.At this time, she put her hands on her knees.It occurred to him suddenly how much she resembled Abel Sara, not in looks, of course, but in that concentration, that quietness, that both of them could hold their breath.But the secret of their hearts was dark, the woman's secret as the dead man's: they had only vanity and lust in their hearts. He came out of that room, little Laurent, whose son lived in the innermost bedroom.He went into his son's bedroom and watched him sleep.The child was big, beautiful, and well-colored but animal-like, lifeless, expressionless, like a copy of Eddie.He has never liked this son, and he always looks at him in secret surprise: "Did I sow this strange seed?" The Swiss nanny in the white smock was mending by the light.He asked everyday questions about how well the child was doing, whether the child was well behaved, but he didn't listen to her answers.what!This child came into his life too early; he was too attached to his ideals and aspirations to dedicate his energies to him, to give for him without expecting anything in return... This may have always been a barrier between him and this child, just like him and Eddie, his instinct is to give, but he expects and demands the greatest return.Moreover, on this point, there is no difference between him and Ai Di.They are always worried about being cheated, worried about losing money in love, worrying about trusting each other and sacrificing themselves. ... They are calculating love, how tenacious they are in calculating love! ...their love... The child, awakened by a sudden movement of his, pushed back his fair hair from his forehead and turned his eyes to Jean-Luc.The Swiss woman immediately motioned for Jean-Luc to go out.But he didn't go, he watched his son, who buried his head in the pillow.Jean-Luc went out. It was only ten o'clock.也许，在蒙帕那斯的一家咖啡馆里，在烟雾中，在一张他非常熟悉的偏僻的桌子边，他会见到玛丽，她孤身一人……他微微打开门，对动都懒得动一下的爱蒂说： “我出去……” 他走到大街上，惬意地舒了一口气，就像他旅行结束后回到家里一样。 5 接下来的那几周里，让-卢克多次和玛丽· 贝朗热一起去巴黎郊区，在那里待上几个小时。她总是很乐意地接受让-卢克的计划，总是默默地顺从他，他喜欢她的这种百依百顺。一个星期六，当他问她喜欢去哪里时，她不让别人察觉地略略犹豫了一下之后，用令他吃惊的颤抖的声音回答道： “巴尔比松……不知您想不想去？” 那一年的春天冷极了，5月的树上已经长出了新叶，在冷冰冰的大雨下流泪。整个森林都在流水，天空又低又暗，在平原上能听见大风呼啸而过，而森林里每一根树枝，每一棵灌木上都有小溪般湍急的流水声。汽车缓缓地往前走着，在车辙中颠簸着。他们关上了车窗，雨水轻轻敲打着玻璃，不停地发出簌簌声，如泣如诉。 “什么鬼天气啊！”让-卢克生气地说道，“我们回去吧！……” She shook her head. “不，不，我求您了……” 她贴着车窗，全神贯注地看着外面。在绿色的亮光中，穿行在湿透了的树叶中间，她的脸色显得更加苍白，肌肤差不多是透明的。不知道为什么（也许是与爱蒂白皙冷静的美反差太大），在凝视她那纤细的面颊和黑色的眼圈时，他感觉到某种欣慰，这欣慰中有怜爱和说不清的柔情。 他们吃午饭的那家酒店的大厅里空无一人，灰蒙蒙的。窗前种着一棵丁香花，花枝紧贴着窗户玻璃，盛满雨水的树叶沉甸甸的。玛丽推开窗扇，用手轻轻地抚摸着在阵阵微风中颤抖的湿漉漉、香喷喷的花束。 已经不早了。他们是在两点钟的时候离开巴黎的，现在天空渐渐暗下来了，因为下雨而变得黑沉沉的。午餐吃得很慢，吃了很久。整个酒店，整个村庄都好像空无一人。玛丽突然说道： “我到这里来过一次，是在冬天，那是很久以前的事情了。那时天寒地冻，我一整天都待在房间里没出门，也是在这家酒店里……” 她没有说下去。她的脸上从来也没有流露过如此多的激动。他不敢问她是和谁一起来这里的，他害怕听到杜尔丹这三个字。他给自己倒了一杯酒，一饮而尽。放下杯子的时候，他的手在颤抖。一种奇怪的锥心般的痛苦感觉像刺一样，扎进了玛丽在他身上唤起的欲望。 午饭后，他们从酒店里走了出来。在酒店的邻街有一个让-卢克熟悉的小酒吧。他们沿着一堵镶了石块的矮墙往前走，那些石块被雨水冲刷后露了出来，湿漉漉的。玛丽偷偷地用手摸着矮墙粗糙的压顶，就像在抚摸一个亲密的面孔。雨一直在下下停停。能听见流水声，檐槽的嘘嘘声，以及风在平原和村庄周围的田野里的呼啸声。玛丽不再说话。她看着街边的房子、树木和小五金店，店里的家用器具中间，有一颗以前圣诞节留下的银星在闪闪发光。她好像认出了每一块石头，每一个街道的拐弯处。她在这里搜寻什么回忆呢？他们从两条道路拐角处的一个喷泉前面经过。她微微闭起眼睛，就好像为了更好地谛听潺潺的流水声一样。而后，她又开始往前走。她摘下了那顶永远不变的黑色贝雷帽，把头伸到雨中。发现她突然步履蹒跚时，他挽起了她的胳膊。 “怎么回事，小姑娘？”他柔声问道。 She didn't answer.她冻得发抖，把衣领重新竖了起来。 “您冷啊？……来……我们加快步伐！……” 她摇摇头，微微一笑，这微笑浅浅的，从嘴唇上掠过，使那双黑眼睛显得更深了，忍住没流出来的泪水闪着光。 华灯初上，把房屋照亮；之后，他们听见活动遮板关上的缓慢沉闷的声音，门闩拉上的声音。只有他们两个人，乡村显得更加阴沉。他们走得更快，靠得更近了。他拉起她的手，把它握在手里。天边现出一道红色的透明的色调，乌云好像突然翻腾起来，轻盈地，露出明朗天空的隐隐约约的反射光。 酒吧是一栋低矮的小房子，周围是一块有支柱的露台和一座栽种了丁香花的花园。他们走进酒吧的大厅，大厅里空无一人。惟有一只小白猫睡在草椅上，在那个生起了火的壁炉前面。这种温馨的家庭氛围神奇地与酒吧的装潢，与浸透了墙壁的陈年美酒的芬芳融合在一起。 “有火……多幸福啊！”玛丽喊道。 她把手伸到火边。她冷得发抖。片刻之后，她的双颊又恢复了一点血色，这时，她长长地叹了一口气： “真美妙啊！……” 她冲让-卢克微微一笑，向他伸出手来，这个孩子般的手势把他触动了。 "thanks!" 家族的标志（6） 他轻轻地搂住她的肩膀。 “我们每个人都有自己的忧虑和痛苦的回忆……我们一起把它们忘记一个小时吧……您瞧，这里有火，有一只猫，有一台唱机，有妙不可言的香槟酒，假如您想要……您喜欢吗？还需要别的什么吗？……” 他把一把摇摇椅和一块垫子推到壁炉前面。 “在这种鬼天气，是不会有任何人来的。只要您喜欢，我们就待在这里……” 酒店老板娘是个一头银发的女人，那头银发围着肉红色的笑吟吟的脸梳成圆形，她走过来问他们要点什么，给他们倒了酒后告退，留下他俩单独在一起。 他们往壁炉里加了木柴，往杯子里倒了香槟酒。这香槟酒年份很久，所以几乎没什么泡沫，金色也变成了粉红色。唱机在播放曲子。时不时地，湿漉漉的门槛被一辆穿过雾霭的汽车灯照亮，但它随即就消失不见了。屋子里开始暖和了。让-卢克打开窗户，他们都不说话，而是默默地听着雨水滴落在树叶上的声音，在已经湿透了的地面上流动，向地底渗透像爱抚一样的轻柔而又急切的簌簌声。夜幕降临，一个冷飕飕的雾茫茫的夜晚，就像是秋天的夜晚一样。 老板娘推开门问他们还需要什么。 “先生，碰到这种鬼天气真是遗憾……你们原本可以在花园里用晚餐的。夫人，我们有那么美的丁香花，可惜它们没有阳光。先生和夫人一直待到明天吗？” “不。”玛丽赶忙说道。 让-卢克低声说道： “我们还不知道呢……” 老板娘出去后，他问道： “您想在这里过夜吗？” 她坐在炉火边，手托着脸。她沉默了片刻，然后头也不抬地问： “跟您吗？” “跟我。” "No." “我们可以成为很好的朋友……” 她柔声重复道： "No." “瞧啊，”他叹道，“这个回答真是毫不含糊啊。” “跟它的问题一样。” 他把身子凑到离炉火更近的地方，把双手伸到火边： “您没有情人吗？” "No." "why?" She didn't answer.他低声问： “您多么像被遗弃了一样啊……遭遇不幸之后，有些女人重新站起来时会更加强悍，像毒蛇一样，只想着咬人……另外一些女人则把自己封闭起来，就像关在一所监狱里一样。” “的确，”她喃喃道，“一所监狱……” “您是那么孤独……我不会给您爱情。只是一个依靠，一个朋友……” “噢！”她第一次转过头来，用哀求的眼神看着他，说道，“只做我的朋友吧。您别生气。您不要走。我不想做您的情妇，您本人也别那么坚持……您别说话……女人在您的生活中不会占据太重要的位置。可我，我是那么孤独……我再也不能允许自己失去惟一一个有生命的东西。”她突然低声说道。 “那我呢？……” “您很幸福……” “不。”他叹着气说道。 终于有一个女人，他不必去战胜她，去迷惑她……她是那么贫穷，在她面前他不必担心暴露自己的穷困潦倒、一无所有……就是在这一刻，他承认了自己的忧愁，感觉到了内心深处的安宁，它们唤醒了他心中的爱情。 6 第二天晚上，夜阑人静的时候，达格尔纳夫妇和卡里克特-兰昆参加完舞会后，准备回家。他们的朋友住的那栋房子建在奥德意的最里面，周围环绕着花园，所以要到停车的栅栏门那里，必须走很长一段路。爱蒂挽着兰昆的胳膊，兰昆则带着她沿着花园里的小路往前走，小路湿漉漉的，才下过雨。孟加拉焰火在树下燃放，发出微弱的光。 爱蒂像平常一样，身着白色的礼服。没有什么能让她更加美丽了。兰昆时不时地把少妇滑下去的白鼬皮短装拉回到肩膀上。让-卢克看着他们表演，却满不在乎。爱蒂在他身边，在他的房子里，在他的心目中不比一件家具更重要。 他们登上汽车。兰昆在高谈阔论。兰昆坐在爱蒂旁边，让-卢克则坐在对面，双臂交叉着，低着眼睛。当他们从一盏煤气路灯的亮光下经过的时候，爱蒂装模作样、漫不经心地把手放到头发上，抚摸着它们，捋着沉甸甸的发髻，发髻低低地束在颈窝处，照该季的时尚裹在一个镀金的发网里。看得见她的指甲和手指上的钻石在熠熠闪光。这时，兰昆往车厢尾部靠过去，不再说话了。他的脸闪耀着喜悦的光芒，显得更年轻了。他朝前面亮出白色的牙齿。他神气活现地咬着一支雪茄。让-卢克想起四年前的兰昆……他现在是多么精神抖擞啊，身体也好，发胖了，很幸福！ 真是个令人赞叹的兰昆……那时，他要让-卢克以“你”来称呼他。现在，当让-卢克用“你”来叫他时，这位部长却显得有些不快，不过这生气的表情很快就在诚挚的微笑下面，在一句“我善良的小达格尔纳，行啊”后面消失了。他拍拍他的肩膀，一边动作幅度很大地张开双臂、敞开心扉，一边说： “这孩子，会前途无量的，假如他愿意听我的话……” 然后，他慢慢地放下手臂，在讲坛上的习惯使他的每一个动作都拖长了，虽然这么做在日常说话中并无必要。即使是现在，在让-卢克和爱蒂中间，当他说一些最简单的话时，他都会边说边抬起手来吸引他们的注意力，仿佛他在给无数的人作演讲一样，而这只手抬起来后，会一动不动地停留很长时间，好像要让观众们好好看清楚一样，因为他知道观众的感觉是非常迟钝的。然后，他把手慢慢地重重地放到膝盖上，矫揉造作地学着拿破仑的气势。 家族的标志（7） 让-卢克还记得他的眼泪……是的，他不止一次地趴在他的怀里哭过，这个善良的兰昆……那可是真眼泪，涩涩的，沉甸甸的。 “我对他是多么穷追不舍啊，”让-卢克心想，“我……嫉妒他吗？当然有可能，当然了。我想要他的位置。我想进入人生的那一个阶段，一切都已经在一条平稳的大道上提前投入和计划好。每一个职业，在起步之后，都会有一段时间的停滞不前。机器在犹疑，命运在犹疑……这时，人会重新感觉到精力消耗和急不可耐，内心深处还在怀疑，这一切也许得不偿失。” 他叹了口气，然后突然睁开眼睛，因为兰昆突然的沉默让他觉得奇怪。只是一瞬间，但他清楚地看见兰昆的手在爱蒂的毛皮短上装下面搂住了她的腰。他不由自主地往前动了一下，随即那只手不动了，隐藏了起来。让-卢克把头扭到一边，透过车窗玻璃，专注地看着夜色。当他重新把目光移向他的妻子和兰昆时，发现他俩隔开了一段距离，兰昆把手交叉着放到胸前，两只手被雪茄的火光照亮了。 “错不了！”他心想。 他太了解爱蒂，肯定他们有私情。他注视着兰昆，大腹便便的，头发做作地捋到后面，圆溜溜的小下巴很结实，下巴上面还有一条小沟，他的两眼闪闪发亮，透着自信的预言家的庄重。发生在他们之间的有可能是爱情吗？……至少包含有爱蒂使用这个词时所表示的意思？……不，这一次。依然是利益关系。“她一直都喜欢一个成功的男人。”他心想，同时想起了博罗歇。他根据现在依然感觉到的隐隐约约的痛苦，惊奇地估量着他和爱蒂那段毫无疑义的插曲在他的生活中占据着什么样的位置。 汽车现在沿着河堤前行，球形路灯，有规律地间隔一段时间后，把车厢照亮，坐在车子里面的人一个个都不说话。让-卢克闭着眼睛，回到了平常的姿势：两臂交叉着紧紧地抱在胸前，脸扭到了一边，而他的妻子和兰昆则悄悄地分开了。汽车在兰昆的门前停下了。 7 让-卢克和他妻子的口角是因为哪一句话不投机引起的，两人都已经忘记了，此时此刻，他们气喘吁吁地听着对方脱口而出的话，恶言恶语像是从内心最黑暗的地方喷发出来的，连他们自己都觉得陌生。 他们从不吵架。他们只有对彼此的冷漠和疏远，这是一种已经把他们牢牢控制住的接近动物般的厌恶。他们睡在黑暗中，恐惧地感受着邻近的那副身体的气息和热量，如此接近却又如此不共戴天。他们还在克制着他们的声音，但是谁也不把床头灯打开，这起码能让脸上的表情自由地表现出他们的忧伤和仇恨。他俩的身体都僵持着，尽可能地远离对方，但是他们每动一下，两个人已经彼此习惯了的、极不情愿地贴在一起的身体，就因为生气而一起颤抖着，就像从前他们一起因为欲望而颤抖一样。 “你从来就没爱过我！你没心没肺。你从来就没给过我一点点温情。” “那你呢，你可真是阿贝尔· 撒拉的女儿啊，利欲熏心，爱慕虚荣，除此之外一无是处。” 她轻轻地干笑一声。 “利欲熏心？我建议你说这个词！……嫁给你这样的一个穷鬼，我得了什么利啦？……想想吧，想想吧！那时你既没有钱，又没有前途，甚至连职业都没有，而我，我是……” “是的，我知道，你是撒拉家的千金小姐！……前程似锦，生活有保障！……还有丰厚的嫁妆……我们等来的却只是拍卖行、执法员……可我指责过你吗？我没把你养活吗？” “靠你养？你以为我什么都不知道吗？你以为我对你和兰昆同流合污的事情一点都不知道吗？……你以为我不知道股票的事情吗？我当时病得那么重，孩子才出世，我们一无所有，一分钱也没有，每天就吃点面包，反正你能弄到钱，可以照顾我，救我，可你却没有做！……你以为我不明白你的如意算盘吗？得了吧，你还嫩着呢，”她小声说道，声音里充满了仇恨，“我还没傻到那种程度……当你还是个可怜巴巴的穷学生，在沙龙里既不知道怎么站也不知道怎么坐时，所有那些同流合污的事情我就已经知道得一清二楚了……你想闯进兰昆的核心圈子，参加到他的秘密勾当中，一有可能就准备敲诈勒索，利用他的政治才华来实现你自己的野心……噢！不要笑……你必定非常嫉妒他，我看得很清楚……“ “不至于。”他柔声说道。 “嫉妒这个词也许并不准确……你是觊觎……就是这个词……你的心里只有觊觎和怨恨……而且你一直是这样……一边是自己的前途机遇，一边是妻子孩子的痛苦，哪一个做丈夫的，哪一个做父亲的会像你这样算计、谋划、思虑、权衡？我和孩子，我们俩在你的前程规划中是两个可有可无的角色，承认吧……我们只是个一无是处的负担。假如那个时候我可以死掉，孩子也跟我一起死，你是不会惋惜的，嗯？这就是你所需要的。这就是你希望的。” “那时我们举目无亲，周围都是些漠不关心的人，我没有钱，没有工作，只有一个希望：兰昆。我把希望寄托在他身上，你还指责我这么做？……为什么？……你从我的盘算中，从我的野心中捞到了好处，你是第一个从中捞到好处的……我承认自己不大想到你，可你呢，难道你很关心我吗？假如我当时答应接受那几万法郎给你治病，一旦你的病治好了，美貌也恢复了，你会不急着把我甩掉，就像你现在准备做的一样？一旦花掉那笔钱照顾你，让你过上舒适的生活，给你快乐，那我还剩下什么呢？啊！要是你以前能让我信任，要是我能感觉到你的柔情和忠贞……我现在就会全心全意爱你，”他突然说道，更像是对自己而不是对她说话，“你可以不相信我，但我发誓我说的是实话……是你，是你把我变成我现在的这个样子的！什么也不要指责我。我是铁石心肠，没有错，但我热烈地希望在这个流氓婊子的世界里，我这颗冷酷的心不要改变，这颗心是你把它榨干了，你难道没发现吗？” “是我？……你疯了……” “你还记得博罗歇吗？”他喃喃道，即使是在过了许多年后，每每说到这个名字时，他的心都会隐隐作痛。 “博罗歇？……你的记忆力还真不错……” “我什么都没有忘记，”他低声说道，“你让我心里充满仇恨，因为我全心全意地为你牺牲，而你却只想着这个：利用我对你的全部的疯狂的爱，因为你知道，你得到了我的爱……刚开始的时候，我对你的爱情中是没有一丝一毫的利益和野心的。你知道，不是吗？是的，你想利用我的天真、柔情、希望和青春，然后欺骗我，并嫁给博罗歇！……是的，我非常清楚，这很平常，很普通……只是，这让人刻骨铭心。”他轻轻地说。 “孩子气的玩意儿……” “没有孩子气……这是惟一刻骨铭心的东西……过后，忘记了……过后，原谅了……所以，你，我非常清楚你要离开我去投奔兰昆。你以为这会伤害到我吗？……去吧，谁拦你了？去吧……” “兰昆？谁告诉你……”