Chapter 49 final thanks and affirmation

"I love you, I will never leave you, I will always take care of you." This is the first paragraph I have written in my personal notebook.From now on it will be with me, and over the next two years I will return to it many times, always asking for help—and always finding it, even in my saddest, most frightening moments.And this notebook, soaked in the promise of love, is absolutely the only reason I will survive the next few years of my life. Today, I return to Menon under completely different circumstances.Been here since last time, I've traveled the world, settled my divorce, survived my final breakup with David, rid my body of all mood-altering drugs, learned a new language, sat in the palm of God Years in India, studying at the feet of an Indonesian pharmacist, and buying a house for a family in desperate need of a new home.I am a happy, healthy, balanced person.Yes, I had to notice that I was on a boat with my Brazilian lover to this beautiful tropical island.This, I admit, is almost the end of a fantastic fairy tale, like a housewife's dream. (Perhaps it was also my dream all those years ago.) Yet what has kept me from disappearing in this glorious myth must have been the categorical fact that it was not the prince who saved me, but myself who manipulated me. Salvation - it was myself who, for the past few years, kept me from falling.

I remembered reading about the beliefs of Zen followers.They say that two forces simultaneously created the oak tree.Obviously, everything begins with an acorn, which contains all the promise and potential, and grows into a tree.Everyone understands this.But only a few realize that there is another force at work—the tree of the future itself, longing to be, pulling the acorns, pulling the seeds out, hoping to escape from nothingness, to move from nothingness to maturity.In this regard, Zen believers say, the oak creates the acorn from which it grows. I think about the woman I've recently transformed into, about my life now, about how much I've always wanted to be this kind of person, live this kind of life, stop pretending to be someone else and not be myself.I think about what I've endured before I got here, and wonder if it's "I"—I mean, the happy, balanced me who's dozing on the deck of this small Indonesian fishing boat right now—who dragged the Another younger, more confused, more struggling version of me stepped forward.The younger me, the acorn full of potential, but the older me, the existing oak, always saying, "Yes - grow up! Change! Evolve! Come meet me here, I'm already Whole, mellow being! I need you to be me!" Maybe four years ago, this was me, now at my full potential, hovering over that young married woman squatting on the bathroom floor sobbing; maybe it was me, Whispering affectionately in the desperate woman's ear, "Go back to bed, Lily..." I knew all along that everything would be okay, that everything would bring us together here, right here, right now.I wait here always in peace and contentment, always waiting for her to come and join me.

Then Felipe woke up.We both dozed all afternoon, drifting in and out of sleep, curled up in each other's arms on the deck of this Indonesian fishing boat.The ocean rocks us and the sun shines.With my head on Felipe's chest, he said he had an idea in his sleep.He said: "You know - I obviously have to continue living in Bali because my business is here and because it's close to Australia where my kids live. I also have to go to Brazil a lot because that's where the gemstones come from. , and my family is there. And you obviously have to stay in the US because you work there and your family and friends are there. So I was thinking... maybe we should try to create some kind of , Brazil and Bali between the four places of life."

I laughed because, hey -- why not?It may not be practical for things to work.Some people may think this kind of life is absolutely crazy and stupid, but it is a life so similar to mine.Of course, we should go on like this.The idea feels so familiar already.And I must say, I also like his poetic ideas.I mean literally.After a year of exploring the three "I" countries that are personal and courageous, Felipe suggested that I have a whole new doctrine of travel: Australia, America, Bali, Brazil = A, A, B, B. Like an ancient poem, like two rhyming couplets. Small fishing boats anchor off the coast of Menon Island.There is no pier on this island.You have to roll up your trouser legs, jump out of the boat, and wade through the waves under your own power.There's absolutely no way you can do this without getting drowned and hitting the coral, but it's worth the effort because the beach here is so beautiful and so special.So my lover and I took off our shoes, put our little duffel bags on our heads, and prepared to jump over the side of the boat into the sea together.

You know, it's funny that the only Romance language that Felipe doesn't speak is Italian.I did, however, tell him when we were about to jump off. I said, "Attraversiamo." Let's cross the street. final thanks and affirmation A few months after I left Indonesia, I returned to visit dear friends and celebrate the Christmas and New Year holidays.Only two hours after the tsunami hit Southeast Asia, my flight landed in Bali.Friends from all over the world contacted me immediately, concerned that my Indonesian friends are safe and well.What everyone seems to be particularly worried about is: "Are Sister and Tutti okay?" The answer is that the tsunami didn't hit Bali (except emotionally, of course), and I see that everyone is safe and sound.Felipe was waiting for me at the airport (this is the first time we will meet at various airports many times in the future).Sitting on his balcony, the old fourth Lai, as usual, concocted medicine and practiced meditation.Yudhi had recently taken a job playing guitar at one of the big local resorts, and he was doing well.The eldest sister's family lives happily in their beautiful new home, set high among the terraced fields of Ubud, away from the treacherous coastline.

With the utmost gratitude (and also on behalf of my sister), I would like to thank everyone who donated to build the house: SakshiAndreozzi、SavitriAxelrod、LindaａｎｄReneeBarrera、LisaBoone、SusanBowen、GaryBrenner、MonicaBurkeａｎｄKarenKudej、SandieCarpenter、DavidCashion、AnneConnel（她，连同JanaEisenberg，还很擅长于最后关头的救援行动）、MikeａｎｄMimideGruy、ArmeniadeOliveira、RayyaEliasａｎｄGigiMadl、SusanFreddie、DevinFriedman、DwightGarnerandCreeLeFavour、JohnａｎｄCaroleGilbert、 MamieHealey、AnnieHubbard与几乎难以置信的HarveySchwartz、BobHughes、SusanKittenplan、MichaelａｎｄJillKnight、BrianａｎｄLindaKnopp、DeborahLopez、DeborahLuepnitz、CraigMarksａｎｄReneSteinke、AdamMcKayａｎｄShiraPiven、JonnyａｎｄCatMiles、SherylMoller、JohnMorseａｎｄRossPetersen、JamesａｎｄCaterineMurdock（连同Nick与Mimi的祝福）、JosNunes、AnnePagliarulo、CharleyPatton、LauraPlatter、 Peter Richmond, Toby and Beverly Robinson, Nina Bernstein Simmons, Stefania Somare, Natalie Standiford, Stacey Steers, Darcey Steinke, Sisters Thoreson (Miss Nancy, Laura and Rebecca), Daphne Uviller, Richard Vogt, Peter and Jean Warrington, Kristen Weiner, Scott Westerfeld and Justine Larbalest.

On a final note, I would like to thank my beloved Uncle Teri and Aunt Debbie for everything they have done to help me during this year's travels, and to simply say "technical assistance" is to understate their important contributions.They weave a web beneath the tightrope I walk, without which I would never have written this book.I don't know how to repay them. In the end, though, maybe we shouldn't try to give back to those who keep us alive in this world.Perhaps in the end, it would be wiser to surrender to the unfathomable generosity of human beings, and simply keep saying thanks, forever and ever, sincerely, for as long as we have a voice.