Chapter 13 Chapter Eleven

Ruth felt that although Mr. Tang had never met Lu Ling, he had fallen in love with her.Mr. Tang talked about Ru Ling, as if he knew her better than anyone else, even Ru Ling's own daughter was not as good as him.He is eighty years old and has experienced World War II, China's Liberation War, the Cultural Revolution, and a heart bypass operation.He was a well-known writer in China back then, but his name was not known in the United States because there were no English translations of his works.It was one of Art's fellow linguists who introduced him to Ruth. “She’s a strong woman, and she’s very outspoken,” Mr Tang once told Ruth on the phone.Ruth sent him her mother's manuscript and asked the old man to translate it into English. "Can you send me a picture of her when she was young? If I can see her image, it may be helpful for my translation and better convey the meaning she expressed in Chinese."

Ruth thought this request was strange, but she agreed. She scanned a photo of Ru Ling and Gao Ling with her mother when she was two children, and a photo of Ru Ling when she first arrived in the United States and sent it to Mr. Tang.Later, Mr. Tang asked for a photo of Aunt Bao.He said: "She is very different, self-taught, with a straightforward personality. In her era, she was a bit rebellious." Ruth almost blurted out and asked him if he knew whether Aunt Bao was Lu Ling's biological mother?But I held back.She wanted to read the entire translation at once, not so little by little.Mr. Tang said earlier that he needs about two months to complete the work. "I don't want to translate word by word. I want to be as natural as possible and ensure that the meaning of Lingtang is accurately conveyed. After all, this is your family history, and it must be passed on to future generations. There was a mistake, don't you think?"

During the period when Mr. Tang was working as an interpreter, Ruth lived at her mother's house.As soon as Art returned from Hawaii, Ruth told him that she had decided to move in with her mother. "It seemed a little sudden," Art said, watching her pack up. "Are you sure you're not acting impulsively? Wouldn't it be nice to ask someone to take care of your mother?" what happened?Is it because Ruth hasn't revealed the seriousness of the matter in the past six months?Or was Art simply not paying attention?There was such a poor communication between the two of them that Ruth felt like a failure.

"I think it's easier for you to get help with the two girls," Ruth said. Art sighed. "I'm sorry. Because the helpers I hire for my mother always quit, and I can't always rely on Aunt Gao Ling or others to take care of her. It's fine for a day and a half. It's not a solution in the long run. Aunt Gao Ling Said, living with my mother for a week is more tiring than working behind her grandchildren when they were young. Anyway, now she finally knows that the doctor's diagnosis is correct, and it doesn't matter how much ginseng tea is given to my mother gone."

"Are you sure it's not because of other things?" He followed Ruth to the small study and asked. "What do you mean?" She said as she took the disk, notebook, etc. off the shelf. "Are there other problems between us, you and me? Don't you want to talk about other things besides your mother's mental problems?" "Why do you say that?" "You're a little—I don't know—a little alienated from me, maybe a little angry with me." "I was nervous. It was only last week that I saw what she really was, and I was terrified. Her life was in danger, much worse than I had imagined. And I just now know that her illness started a long time ago. It started, I never noticed. Maybe six or seven years. I don't know why I didn't notice—"

"That is to say, it has nothing to do with the two of us that you live there?" "No," said Ruth firmly, and then softly, "I don't know." After a long silence, she added, "I remember you asking me what I was going to do with my mother. I feel hurt. Yeah, what am I going to do? I feel like I have to do it all by myself. I try to do my best and that's how it works. Maybe my decision to move out has something to do with both of us, but this is the situation Now, whatever problems we have between the two of us are secondary to my mother's problems. Right now I can only concentrate on dealing with this matter."

Arthur looked suspicious. "Okay then, when do you feel like talking about..." He didn't go on.Seeing how distressed he was, Ruth almost couldn't help comforting him, saying that nothing was wrong and that he could rest assured. Ruth moved to live with her, and Ru Ling also seemed very suspicious. "I was asked to write a children's book with illustrations of animals," Ruth said.She's used to lying to her mother by now and doesn't feel guilty at all. "I want you to do the illustrations. If you do the illustrations, it will be more convenient for the two of us to work together here. It's quieter here."

"What animal? How much do you want?" Ru Ling was very excited, like a child who couldn't wait to go to the zoo. "You can paint whatever you want. It's up to you to paint Chinese paintings." "Okay," Ru Ling seemed very happy that she was about to play a decisive role in the success or failure of her daughter's career.Ruth sighed, both relieved and sad that she had tricked her.Why didn't I think of asking my mother to help draw illustrations?Back then, when my mother had steady hands and a sound mind, she should have asked her to paint.It pained Ruth to see her mother put so much effort into being "useful" for her daughter.I didn't expect to cheer up my mother so easily.Ru Ling is nothing more than to be a useful mother to her children.That's all.

Every day, she would go to the desk and spend fifteen minutes grinding ink.Fortunately, she was familiar with drawing many animals in the past - like fish, horses, cats, monkeys, ducks, etc., she only draws from memory, and draws them naturally. shadow.But when Ruling tried to draw animals she wasn't familiar with, her hands were as confused as her mind, and Ruth was as upset as her mother, and she tried to hide it.Every time Ruling finished a painting, Ruth always praised it, then took the painting away, and asked her mother to draw a new animal. Ruth sometimes listened with interest to her mother's chatter, trying to figure out how much the plot had changed each time she told it, and felt relieved when she repeated it verbatim.But there were times when Ruth was annoyed at being forced to listen to her mother nagging, and this annoyance gave her a strange sense of satisfaction, as if nothing had changed, nothing was wrong.

"That girl downstairs eats popcorn all day! It burns, and the fire alarm goes off. She doesn't know. I can smell it! It stinks! She knows how to eat popcorn! No wonder she's skinny. She still They came to me and told me that this one doesn’t work and that one doesn’t work. They just complained and threatened me to ‘get into a lawsuit and violate the regulations’…” Lying in her old bed at night, Ruth seemed to be a teenager again, only in an adult form.She is both her former self and not.Or there are two different versions of Ruth, Ruth 1969 and Ruth 1999, one more naive, one more sensitive, one more dependent, one more independent, both fearful.She is the mother's child, and now that the mother has become like a child, she has to take on the responsibilities of a mother.So complicated, just like Chinese names and Chinese characters, the same radicals seem simple, but they have a variety of combinations and changes.It was still the same bed she slept in when she was a child, and all the thoughts before going to bed when she was a teenager are vivid in her memory.At that time, she was alone, thinking about what would happen in the future.As she had been a child, she listened to her own breathing, filled with terror at the thought that her mother's breathing would one day stop.The more she became aware of this, the harder it was to breathe.Every breath takes a lot of strength, but it is easy to breathe out, just relax, but Ruth is afraid that if she lets go, she will lose her mother.

Several times a week, Ruling and Ruth would both talk to ghosts.Ruth always took the initiative to bring out the old sand tray that was kept on top of the refrigerator and said that she would write to Aunt Bao.Mother's reaction is always very polite, like when someone invites her to eat chocolate: "Oh! Then... a little bit." Lu Ling asked Aunt Bao whether this children's book would make Ruth famous in one fell swoop.Ruth told Aunt Bao that Ruling would become famous in one fell swoop. One night, Ruth held up her chopsticks and was about to continue their divination game with her mother when she heard her mother say, "Why did you and Art fight?" "We didn't fight." "Then why don't you live together anymore? Is it because of me? Is it my problem?" "Of course not." Ruth blurted out, her voice a little too loud. "I think it might be because of me." She glanced at Ruth as if nothing could be hidden from her eyes. "A long time ago, when you first met him, I said to you, why live together in the first place? You do this, and he will never marry you. Do you remember? Oh, now you think, ah, mother said Yes. Living with him, he only treats me as leftovers that can be thrown away. Don’t be embarrassed. Tell the truth.” Ruth remembered with chagrin that her mother had said that.She kept busy brushing the sand that had fallen to the edge of the plate back into the plate, she was surprised that her mother still remembered these things, and was also moved by how much her mother cared about her.What Lu Ling said about Art may not be all right, but she did get to the core of the problem. Ruth felt like leftovers, and she had nothing to choose before she found herself. Something really went wrong between Ruth and Art.During this time of trying to separate, Ruth felt this more and more strongly.Having said that, isn't this separation what is it?After the separation, she saw more clearly that she was used to it. Even if the other party didn't make a request, she would take the initiative to compromise and cater to his feelings. This has become her emotional model.Sometimes she thought that any pair of lovers, whether married or not, had to reach such a compromise, no matter if it was voluntary or reluctant, otherwise they would not be able to live together.So, did Art cater to her feelings?If he did, Ruth never felt it.Now that the two were separated, Ruth felt relieved and free.It was exactly how she imagined, how she would feel if her mother died someday.But right now, she just wants to stay close to her mother, as if her mother is her life-saving straw. Twice a week Ruth and her mother dined at Arter's house on Vallejo Street.During those days, Ruth had to finish her work early so she could go shopping.She didn't want to leave her mother at home alone, so she took her to the supermarket with her.While shopping, Ruling kept commenting on the price of each item, asking Ruth if she should wait until the item was on sale before buying it.As soon as Ruth got home—yes, Ruth reminded herself, the apartment on Vallejo Street was still her home after all—she put her mother in front of the TV, then checked without writing to her and Art two people's mail.She found that very little of the couple's mail was addressed to them, and instead most of the repair bills were addressed to Ruth.At the end of such dinner parties Ruth, exhausted physically and mentally, felt at once relieved at the thought of going back to her mother's house and lying in her little bed. One night, when she was chopping vegetables in the kitchen, Art quietly leaned close to her, patted her buttocks, and said, "Why don't you ask Gao Ling to take care of your mother? You just stay for the night, and we will have a sweetheart dream again." temperature." She blushed, and wanted to lean on him and hug him with open arms, but she was very afraid to do so, as if hugging him was like jumping off a cliff, which was full of danger. He kissed Ruth's neck. "How about you take a break now and we sneak into the bathroom and have a quick kiss?" She smiled uneasily. "Everyone will know what we're doing." "No," Art breathed in her ear. "My mom will know, she can see everything." As soon as she said this, Art stopped immediately, Ruth was disappointed. In the second month of their separation, Ruth said to Art, "If you really want to eat with me, why don't we change it, you come to my mother's house, every time I carry the big bags, it's very easy." tired." So it was changed to Art and the two children coming to Luling's house for dinner twice a week. "Ruth," Dolly complained to her one night when she saw Ruth making a salad, "when are you going to come home? Daddy's bored, and Fia keeps pestering Daddy, 'Daddy, there's no fun, there's no fun. food.'" It made Ruth happy to hear that the children missed her. "Honey, I don't know. Granny needs me." "We need you too." Ruth felt a twinge in her heart. "I know. But grandma is sick. I have to be with her." "Then can I come and live with you?" Ruth smiled. "Of course I welcome it, but you have to ask Dad if he agrees first." Two weeks later, Fia and Dolly arrived with an air mattress in tow, and they both crowded into Ruth's room.Dolly said it was a "girls' dormitory" and drove Art back home.That night, Ruth watched TV with the two children, and they tattooed each other's hands.The following weekend, Art asked if there was a "boys dorm" day. "I think I can arrange it," Ruth said shyly. Art brought his own toothbrush, a change of clothes, and a small stereo with a Gershwin record sung by Michael Feinstein.At night he and Ruth huddled together in the cot.But Lu Ling slept next door, and Ruth had no affection, she explained to Art. "Then we'll just hug," he suggested.Art didn't delve into it, Ruth was happy, leaning against his chest.It was late at night, and Ruth listened to the sound of Art's breathing and the sound of foghorns.For the first time in a long time, she felt more secure. When the agreed two months came, Mr. Tang called Ruth and asked, "You must have only these, and you can't find any other manuscript paper?" "I'm afraid it's gone. I've been helping my mother clean up the room before, digging through drawers and cleaning rooms. I even found out the one thousand dollars she hid under the floor. If there are other things, I will definitely have them too." Already found it." "Then I will finish the translation," Mr. Tang's voice sounded sad. "On a few pages, she wrote a sentence many times, saying that she was very worried, and she forgot and couldn't remember a lot of things. The font on those pages was shaking badly. I think it should be written recently. It may be possible to say it out. To make you sad. But I said it anyway, to let you know." Ruth thanked the old gentleman. "I'm going to visit my house now and send my translated article, is it convenient for you?" He asked politely. "Will it cause you trouble?" "To be honest, I think it is my honor. I hope to meet Lingtang very much. For such a long time, I read her writings day and night, and feel that she is like an old friend of mine, and I miss her a little bit. " Ruth discouraged him: "She is very different from when she wrote these words." "Maybe... Anyway, I still think it's her from before." "If you are free, would you like to come over to our house tonight and have a light meal together?" Ruth joked with her mother that an admirer was coming to see her and asked her to dress up. "No, no one is coming!" Ruth nodded and smiled. "Who's coming?" Ruth said very vaguely: "The old friend of your old friend in China." Ru Ling thought hard and thought again. "Ah, yes, I remembered." Ruth bathed and changed her mother, tied a silk scarf on her, combed her hair, and put on some lipstick. "You're beautiful," said Ruth, and Ruth was telling the truth. Ru Ling looked at herself in the mirror. "Amitabha. It's a pity that the high spirit is not as good as I am." Ruth smiled.My mother never showed pride in her appearance before, but now that she is sick, she must have forgotten all thoughts of modesty and prudence.This Alzheimer's disease is like a truth potion. At exactly seven o'clock, Mr. Tang came, bringing Lu Ling's manuscript and his translation.Mr. Tang is very thin, with white hair, deep smile lines on his face, and a very kind face.He also brought Lu Ling a bag of oranges as a gift. "It doesn't need to be so expensive," she replied instinctively, while lowering her head to check if there were any rotten spots on the fruit, and then told Ruth in Chinese: "Help Mr. Tang hold the coat and invite someone to sit down. Serve Mr. Tang tea." "You don't have to bother," Mr. Tang said. "Oh, you speak Mandarin with a Beijing accent, which is really nice," said Ru Ling.It amused Ruth that she should look ashamed like a little girl.Mr. Tang was even more attentive. He helped Ru Ling pull out the chair to invite her to sit in, poured tea for her, and filled the cup before Ru Ling was empty.Ru Ling and Mr. Tang have been talking in Chinese, and Ruth listened beside her, and she felt that her mother seemed to be speaking logically, and she was no longer confused. "Where are you from?" Ru Ling asked. "Tianjin. Later I went to Beijing and studied at Yenching University." "Oh, my ex-husband studied at Yenching University, a very talented man. His name is Pan Kaijing. Do you know him?" "I've heard his name," Ruth heard Mr. Don reply. "He studied geography, didn't he?" "That's right! He has done a lot of important work. Have you ever heard of Peking Man?" "Of course, Beijingers are world famous." Ru Ling showed a look of nostalgia. "He died guarding those bones." "He's a hero. Everyone admires his bravery. You'll suffer." Ruth listened with interest.Mr. Tang talked as if he had known Ru Ling for many years, and he easily guided Ru Ling to revisit his own memories and return to those memories that had not been destroyed by the disease.Suddenly, Ruth heard her mother say again, "My daughter Ruyi also works with us. I lived in the school after Aunt Bao passed away, and she came too." When Ruth came to her senses, she was startled at first, and then moved, that her mother actually put herself in the memories of the years. "Yes, I heard about Lingtang too. It's very sad. She is very wonderful and very clever." Ru Ling raised her head, as if trying to suppress her sadness. "She's a bonesetter's daughter." Mr. Tang nodded. "Yes, after a famous doctor." On the day of parting, Mr. Tang expressed his gratitude to Ru Ling, saying that he had a very pleasant time recalling the past. "May I be allowed to visit the house again soon?" Ru Ling smiled like a little girl, raised her eyebrows, and looked at Ruth questioningly. "You're welcome to come anytime," said Ruth. "Then tomorrow!" Ru Ling blurted out. "Come tomorrow." Ruth spent the night reading the manuscript translated by Mr. Tang.The narrative begins with "true".Ruth began to list the facts of what she had seen, each of which raised many questions, and soon she lost her clue.Mother was indeed five years older than Ruth had always believed.That is to say, the age she told Dr. Xu was correct!As for her saying that Gao Ling is not a real sister, that is also true.But the mother and Aunt Gao Ling are indeed sisters. After reading it, Ruth feels this more deeply than ever.Many things that happened between the two are enough to cause most sisters to sever their relationship, but the two of them unswervingly insisted on being loyal to each other, many entanglements of grievances, love and hatred tied the two tightly together, how could they Also inseparable.Knowing this made her feel happy. But there were parts of her mother's story that were hard for her to read.Why did the mother think that Ruth could never be told that Aunt Bao was her real mother?Did she think her daughter would be ashamed that her mother was an illegitimate child?If so, Ruth would have reassured her mother that there was nothing to be ashamed of, and that, in fact, illegitimate births were the fashionable thing these days.Then Ruth remembered that she had been afraid of Aunt Precious since she was a child.Since she was a child, she hated Aunt Bao always appearing in the lives of their mother and daughter. She felt that her mother had a weird personality, and she believed that she was plagued by bad luck. It was all because of Aunt Bao.The daughter and even the granddaughter have always misunderstood Aunt Bao.But sometimes, Ruth felt as if Aunt Bao was watching her all the time, and Aunt Bao knew when Ruth was suffering. Ruth thought of this, lying in her childhood bed.Now she finally understood her mother's intentions. She always said that she would find Aunt Bao's body and bury it properly.She wanted to go back to the end of the road and make up for her mistakes back then.She wanted to say to her mother: "I'm sorry, let us understand each other." The next day, Ruth called Art and told him what she had read. "It feels like I've found a magic ball of thread to put the quilt back together. It's such a joy and sorrow." "I want to see it too. May I see it?" "I want you to see it, too," Ruth sighed. "She should have told me these things years ago. A lot of things would have been very different if I had seen it—" Art interjected, "I have something to say, too. I should have told you years ago." Ruth shut up and waited for Art to speak. "I've been thinking about your mother, and I've been thinking about the two of us." Ruth's heart started beating wildly. "Do you remember when we first met? You said that you didn't want to presuppose love and restrain each other?" "I didn't say it, you said it." "Did I say that?" "It's definitely you, I remember." "Strange, I remember you said that." "Ah, you do." he laughed. "It seems that your mother is not the only one who has memory problems. Anyway, if I said it at the beginning, then I was wrong, because now I think it is very important to have a little agreement in love. First of all, an agreement is a kind of In a long-term relationship, the other party will take care of you and help you deal with various problems, including your mother's problems, or other things. When I said that I want unconditional and uncommitted love, you also acquiesced. At that time, I might I think it's good to get along like that, love is easy, and you don't have to be responsible. I didn't realize what I would lose until you moved out." Art paused, and Ruth knew he was waiting for his own response.On the one hand, Ruth wanted to yell at Art gratefully: You finally said what I have been feeling for a long time, but I have never been able to express it.But she was also afraid that it was too late for Art to say that now, and she was not surprised at all after hearing what he said, but sad. "I don't know what to say," she finally confessed. "You don't have to say anything. I just wanted to let you know what I think... and I'm really worried about you taking care of your mother for so long. I know it's important to you and you really want to take care of it yourself She, she does need someone to be by her side all the time. But you and I both know that her condition will get worse and she will need more care. Your work, your life, nothing in the world would want you to give it up for her sake than your mother herself." "But I can't always give her a new nanny." "I know...so I've been doing research lately on Alzheimer's, how it evolves, how to care for people, how to connect with support groups, etc. Then I came up with an idea that maybe it could solve the problem...maybe Find a nursing home." "It's out of the question," said Ruth, who felt that Art's proposal was as outlandish as her mother's idea of ​​ordering millions of dollars in magazines. "why?" "Because my mother will never agree. I will never agree. She will think that I am going to send her to the dragon's den and tiger's lair, and cry every day to commit suicide—" "I'm not talking about ordinary nursing homes. The conditions are very poor, and the toilet is on the bed. I'm talking about nursing homes with professional nursing care, which is a new concept. The (post-World War II) baby boomer generation Fengshang is a bit like a nursing home for elderly customers. The nursing home provides meals, nursing care, laundry and transportation services, organizes travel, fitness activities, and even dance classes. It is a very high-end living environment with 24-hour supervision , living in it will definitely not make people feel depressing. I have seen several nursing homes, and one of them is very good, not far from where your mother lives now-" "Don't talk about it, no matter whether it's high-end or not, she will never want to live in this kind of place." "She'll just have to go and see." "I told you, don't mention this, she will never agree." "Okay, don't get excited, don't deny my idea all at once, can you tell me the specific reasons for your objection first, and then we can see if there is room for communication." "No room at all. Since you insist, let me tell you, first of all, she will never want to leave her home. Second, there is the issue of cost. I guess this kind of place will never be free, so she will not Consider it. If this place is indeed free to stay, she will definitely feel that the free benefits are nothing good, and for these reasons, she will definitely oppose this arrangement." "Fine. I'll take care of those problems. Any more?" Ruth took a deep breath. "She must like this place. She has to choose to live in this place out of her own will, not the arrangement of you and me." "Deal. In addition, as long as she wants, she can come to live with you and me at any time." Ruth noticed that Art said "you and me".Only then did she let go of her heavy guard.Art is indeed trying to salvage the relationship between the two.He tried to find the best possible way to show Ruth that he loved her. Two days later, Ruling showed Ruth an official letter signed by the California Department of Public Safety. Ruth saw that the letterhead was typed out of Art's computer. "Radon leak!" Ru Ling exclaimed. "What does this mean, what is a radon leak?" "Let me see," said Ruth, taking the letter and going over it.Arthur is really smart.Ruth came up with a plan and explained smoothly: "Well. The letter said that radon is a poisonous gas, radioactive, and that it can cause damage to the lungs after inhalation. The gas company is doing routine inspections to check whether there is an earthquake hazard. , found a radon leak. The leak is not caused by broken pipes. The radon gas comes from the soil and rocks under the house, so they ask you to move out for three months. During this period, professionals will come to do environmental assessment, and then Use forced ventilation to drive out dangerous radon gas." "Oh! How much will it cost?" "Let me see. The letter says it's free. You see, it also says that the government will pay for your stay while they're purging the gas. Three months of free living...and meals, in' The Miramar Manor is located near your current residence'. The letter said, 'the conditions and facilities are comparable to a five-star hotel'. Five-star is the highest level. They ask you to move in as soon as possible." "Free five-star hotel? Quota for two people?" Ruth pretended to read the detailed instructions inside carefully. "No, it seems that there is only one place. I can't go with you." She sighed, looking disappointed. "Ah, I didn't mean you!" Ru Ling said loudly. "What about the girl downstairs?" "Oh, that's right." Ruth forgot that there was a tenant downstairs.Apparently Art forgot too.But her mother, regardless of whether there is something wrong with her brain, did not let this matter go. "She must have had the same notice as you. They certainly wouldn't let anyone stay in the house, since staying here would give you lung disease." Ru Ling frowned. "Does that mean she'll stay in a hotel with me?" "Oh!... No, she will definitely live in a different place. The place where she lives is definitely not as good as yours. After all, you are the landlord, and she is just a tenant." "Then she still pays my rent?" Ruth glanced down at the letter again. "Of course, the law says so." Ru Ling finally nodded in satisfaction. "okay then." Ruth called to tell Art that his plan seemed to be working.She was pleased to find that Art did not look smug about it. "It's actually quite scary to think how easily she fell for it," he said. "Many elderly people have been defrauded of their properties and savings in this way." "I feel like a spy," Ruth went on. "It seems that our conspiracy has succeeded." "I'm guessing she's like a lot of older people, and when they hear there's something free, they're hooked." "Having said that, how much does it cost to live in this Miramar Manor?" "Don't worry about that." "Tell me, how much is it?" "I'll pay for it. If she likes this place and is willing to live in it, we'll discuss the money later. If she doesn't like it, the three months' expenses will be charged to my account. She can move back to where she used to live We'll find another way." Ruth was delighted to hear that Art was thinking about "us," not him. "Then, the two of us will share the expenses for these three months." "Let me handle this alone, okay?" "why?" "Because I think it's important, and I haven't done something like this in a long time. You just treat me like I'm a good-hearted guy, a Boy Scout who does a good deed every day, a generosity, even if it's a moment in the head. It makes me It feels good, I feel like a good person, I feel happy." Happy, I hope my mother can be happy living in Miramar Manor.For a moment Ruth could not think how one could be happy.Will you be happy because of a place?Or to be happy for someone else?What are you happy for?Is it enough to just figure out what you want and reach out through the fog to grab it?