Chapter 22 Chapter 15 Lesbians

Chapter 15 Lesbians We generally think of a lesbian as a woman in a fez, with short hair and a tie, whose masculine appearance indicates some hormonal abnormality.It is a huge mistake to conflate homosexuals with "masculine" women in this way.Among the concubines and prostitutes in the harem, among the women who desperately wanted to be "feminine", there were actually many homosexuals, whereas most of the "masculine" women were heterosexual.Both sexologists and psychiatrists have confirmed the common observation that most female "homosexuals" are anatomically identical to other women.Their sexuality does not depend at all on the "fate" of anatomy.

However, physiological traits can undoubtedly create unique situations.The sexes are not strictly separated biologically, and the same body cells are affected by certain hormones.The direction of the hormones - male or female - depends on the genotype, but there can be some degree of switching during embryonic development, resulting in an individual in some way between male and female in appearance.Some men have feminine features because their male organs are stunted: we occasionally see children thought to be women turn out to be boys.Helen Deutsch mentions the case of a young girl who passionately courted a married woman and tried to trick her into living with her.It was later learned that she was hermaphrodite, and after a surgical procedure that made her a normal male, she was able to marry and have children with her divorced mistress.But this is by no means to say that every lesbian is biologically a deceptive man.Hermaphrodites have components of the reproductive system of both sexes, and so express female sexuality: I personally knew a person who was expelled from Vienna by the Nazis; she was incapable of attracting either straight men or gay women It's a pity, but she herself is only attracted to men.

Under the influence of male hormones, so-called "masculine" women exhibit male secondary sexual characteristics, such as facial beards.Minor women may lack of estrogen, so their development is not perfect.Such peculiarities may have been more or less directly responsible for homosexual tendencies.An energetic, aggressive, dynamic woman who prefers to exert her own initiative and usually dismisses passivity.Ugly, disabled women may want to compensate for their inferiority and appear masculine.If she is less sensitive to sexual impulses, she will not crave male touch. But the structure and hormones of the human body can only create a situation, they cannot establish the goal beyond which this situation goes.Helen Deutsch also cites the example of a young soldier in the Polish Legion of World War I.The soldier she took care of when he was wounded was actually a girl with obvious male secondary sexual characteristics.She joined the army as a nurse, then successfully concealed her gender and became a soldier.However, she fell in love with a comrade in arms, and later made satisfactory adjustments.Her behavior leads her comrades to think she is a male homosexual, but in reality, it is her femininity expressing itself over and over again despite her masculine disguise.A man does not have to desire a woman; the fact that a homosexual man can have a perfectly masculine physique means that a masculine woman does not necessarily have to be gay either.

Even among perfectly normal women it has been maintained that a distinction can be made between "clitoris" and "vaginal" types, the former being destined for homosexuality.We know, however, that the whole sexual drive of childhood is clitoral, and that whether it remains fixed at this level or is transformed is not a matter of anatomy; masturbation in childhood, as is commonly thought, explains the clitoral It was also wrong for a reason that would come to dominate in the future: sexology today considers masturbation to be quite normal and commonplace.As we have seen, the development of the female sexual drive is a psychic process which is certainly influenced by physiological factors but also depends on the subject's general attitude towards existence.Marai believes that sexual desire is a single quality, which is fully developed in men and halfway in women; only lesbians can have libido as rich as men, so she will Represents a "superior" female type.But the fact is that female sexuality has its own structure, so it is absurd to speak of superiority or inferiority with respect to male and female libido.The choice of a sex object does not depend on the amount of energy a woman dominates at all.

Psychoanalysts have a great advantage in that they regard homosexuality as a psychic rather than an organic phenomenon; however, they still regard it as if determined by external circumstances.However, very little research has been done on them. According to Freud, the maturation of the female sexual drive requires a transition from the clitoral to the vaginal stage, a change that is commensurate with the transition of the little girl's love from her mother to her father.There can be various reasons for checking this developmental process; the woman may not resign herself to her "castrated" state, and thus adopts a self-delusional attitude about the lack of a penis, remains attached to the mother, and is always looking for her mother's love. substitute.

According to Adler, this inhibition of development is not an accident, nor is it passively endured: it is desired by the subject, who, out of the will to power, deliberately does not recognize her insanity and strives to see herself as equal to the male. consistent, and thus refuse to be dominated by him.Whether it is a problem of childhood fixation or a problem of masculinity protest, homosexuality is thus seen as an inhibition of development.But in reality, lesbians are no more "underdeveloped" women than they are "superior" women.A person's history is not a developmental process determined by fatalism, so that the past is re-evaluated every moment.That is to say, this developmental process undergoes new selections, and the "normal" selections, which do not give it a priority value, can only be evaluated on the basis of their authenticity.For a woman, homosexuality can be a way for her to escape her situation or a way to accept it.An important mistake of psychoanalysts is to regard homosexuality as a completely unreal attitude in order to conform to moral concepts.

Woman is an existent who wants to make herself an object; as subject, her sensuality has an aggressive element, yet it is not satisfied by the male body: thus there arises the conflict with which her sexual drive must overcome.considered the normal or "natural" system, to restore her sovereignty by abandoning her as the prey of some male, and at the same time leaving her with a child in her arms: but this so-called "normal" is Societal interests are clearly recognized around.Even heterosexuality allows for other solutions.A woman's homosexuality is an attempt to reconcile her autonomy with her body.If one must speak of nature, one could say that all women are born gay.In fact, the distinguishing feature of lesbians is their rejection of men and their preference for women's bodies.But all teenage girls also fear penetration and male domination, and all feel some kind of aversion to the male body.On the contrary, for her as for men, the female body is an object of desire.

As I have already pointed out, when men make themselves subjects, they separate themselves; when they treat the other as an appropriated object, they are fatal to the other's as well as their own masculine ideal. hit.Whereas woman sees herself as an object, she sees her fellow man as well as herself as prey.Homosexuals, sodomites, arouse the hostility of heterosexuals because both heterosexuals need men as subjects of domination.In contrast, both sexes spontaneously adopt a tolerant attitude toward lesbians.Count de Dally said: "I admit that this is a kind of competition, but it never disturbs me; on the contrary, I find it very interesting, and my wickedness is enough to laugh it off."

Colette thought that Reno had the same amusing indifference when he saw the lovers formed by the two girls, Claudine and Rezzie. An active, independent gay woman irritates men more than a nonaggressive lesbian, because only the former threatens male privilege.Homosexual acts do not violate the traditional differences between men and women, and in most cases they only involve female acceptance, not female rejection.We have seen that they are often a substitute for heterosexual relationships in adolescent girls who do not yet have the opportunity or courage to initiate such relationships.Homosexuality represents a phase, a probationary period, and the girl who participates enthusiastically is likely to be an enthusiastic wife, mistress, or mother tomorrow.Among lesbians, then, it is not the positive aspects of her choice that must be explained, but its negative aspects: her distinguishing feature is not that she likes women, but this favorable exclusivity.

Lesbians are often divided into two types (as Jones and Husnard do): "masculine," who "want to imitate men," and "feminine," who "fear men."Indeed, in general one can see two tendencies in homosexuality.Some women refuse to be passive, while others are willing to passively indulge themselves with the feminine weapon.But these attitudes are reciprocal, and the relationship to the chosen object and the relationship to the rejected object can be mutually interpreted.For a number of reasons to be mentioned below, I feel that the above division is rather arbitrary.

To define a "masculine" lesbian by wanting to "imitate a man" is to show that she is not real.I have already said how much ambiguity psychoanalysts create in accepting the categories of masculinity and femininity according to society's most recent definitions.The reality is that man today represents the active man, the neutral man, that is to say he represents both masculinity and man; while woman is only the negative man—female, who acts as a human being whenever she acts. , claiming to be identical with men.Her activities in sports, politics, and academia, her sexual desires for other women, were all interpreted as "masculine protests."The general disregard of the values ​​she seeks, or towards which she herself transcends, clearly leads to the conclusion that if she plays the subject, she is making unreal choices. The main misconception lurking under this interpretation is that it is natural for the fe-male human being to transform herself into a feminine woman: it is not enough to be a heterosexual or even a mother to realize this ideal. of. "Real women" are artifacts created by civilization, just as rich men are created.Her so-called "instinct" in being coquettish and docile is instilled, as is a man's pride in his phallic genitals.In fact, man does not always accept his masculine mission, and woman has good reason to accept her assigned mission less meekly. The concepts of "inferiority complex" and "masculinity complex" remind me of a story told by Denis de Rougemont in "The Devil's Share": a woman thinks that while she is walking in the countryside, a bird is attacking her. She; several months of psychoanalytic treatment failed to get rid of this evil idea. Later, the doctor and the patient walked into the garden of the clinic and saw the birds really attacking her! The reason why a woman feels inferior is actually because the demands of a woman really demean her.She instinctively chose to be a healthy person, a subject and free person facing the world and the future.If this choice is masculine, it is in the sense that femininity now means insanity.The various statements made by lesbians to doctors make it clear that even in childhood they hated above all else being seen as women.They despise girlish pursuits, demand boys' games and play with boys' toys; they pity women, fear becoming effeminate, and object to being sent to girls' schools. This rebellion does not at all imply a pre-determined homosexuality.Many little girls feel similarly angry and hopeless when they realize that accidental adaptations to their bodies will make their hobbies and aspirations criminal.When Colette Audry found out at age 12 that she couldn't be a sailor, she was furious.Naturally, the future woman resents the limitations imposed on her by her sex.The real question is not why she rejects them, but why she accepts them.She obeys because she is meek and timid, but if society does not compensate her enough, this obedience can easily turn into rebellion.This happens when adolescent girls feel that they are unattractive as women.Especially in this respect, the endowment of the human body is important. When a woman's face and figure are ugly, or when she thinks she is, she rejects the female destiny because she feels her condition is too poor.But it is also wrong to say that masculinity is acquired to compensate for a lack of femininity.The fact is rather that adolescent girls are not given so many opportunities that the sacrifices required to reap the male advantages are not worth the gains.All the little girls who grew up in the traditional envy the simple clothes worn by boys, and their reflection in the mirror and the bright future they foresee make them gradually realize the importance of gorgeous clothes.If the mirror faithfully reflected the ordinary features, if it made no promises, then the lace and friezes would appear obnoxious, even absurd, and the "graconmanque" [boyish girl] would stubbornly keep her Boyish temperament. Even with good figure and good looks, a woman who is preoccupied with the implementation of her own grand designs, or with general freedom, refuses to back down in order to please others.She discovers herself through her activities, not just through her inherent looks, and she is astounded by the masculine desire that forces her to be confined to her body, just as it makes young boys Shocked.Masculine men are disgusted by sodomites, and she is equally disgusted by submissive women.She adopts a masculine attitude, in a sense in order to appear to have nothing to do with this kind of woman.She dresses in men's clothes, expresses masculine demeanor, speaks masculine language, forms a lover relationship with a feminine female companion, and she represents the man: Yes, this is acting, a "masculine protest."But this is a secondary phenomenon, and the shame and disgust felt by the conquering, sovereign subject at the very thought of falling prey to carnality is the main one.Many female athletes are gay and they don't see a body as passive flesh that implies strength, activity, responsiveness and impact; it doesn't endow touch with magical inspiration, it's a tool against the world, not just the world An objective thing on the human body; therefore, the gulf between the body that exists for the self and the body that exists for others seems insurmountable.Similar rebellion is to be found in administrative and intellectual women, for whom obedience, even with respect to one's own body, is impossible. If gender equality were truly achieved, the barriers mentioned above would in many cases be removed.But men are still infected with a sense of superiority, and if a woman does not share that feeling of superiority, she will be angry with this mentality.It should be said, however, that most willful, domineering women have little qualms about meeting men: "masculine" women are often genuinely heterosexual.She doesn't want to give up her claim to being a human being, but she never wants to be deprived of her femininity either.She wants to intervene in the male world, even to take advantage of it.Her strong sensual desire is not afraid of male violence, and when she seeks pleasure from a male body, she has to overcome less psychological disgust than a timid virgin.A very rough and feral person will not feel humiliated by sexual intercourse; a fearless intellectual will deny this humiliation; a confident and naturally aggressive woman will be more than willing to fight a duel that must be won.George Sand favored young men and "effeminate" types; but Madame de Stael sought youth and beauty in her lovers only in her later years: she dominated men with a strong spirit, and accepted their adoration with pride, so It was impossible for her to feel like prey in their arms.A queen, like Catherine the Great, may even allow herself to be abused in debauchery: she remains the sole ruler in such games.Isabella Eberhardt, who rides across the Sahara in men's clothing, does not feel at all inferior when she commits herself to a strong sniper.A woman who does not want to be a man's vassal is not a woman who avoids him all the time: she strives to make him an instrument of pleasure.When the circumstances are favorable (which basically depends on her sexual partner), that idea of ​​competition disappears, and then she enjoys the experience of her position as a woman as much as he enjoys his position as a man. But however favorable the circumstances, this reconciliation of active individuality and sexual roles is always more difficult for women than it is for men.There will be many women who would rather shun the attempt than expend their energies in vain.Among women artists and writers there are many homosexuals.The real problem is not that their sexual eccentricity is the source of creativity, or that this eccentricity indicates the existence of this superior type of ability; Wasting time fighting.They don't recognize male superiority, and don't want to pretend to recognize it or find the trouble to fight it.They expect to be relaxed, soothed and relieved in sexual pleasure: they prefer to avoid sexual partners who appear as opponents; so they get rid of the constraints implicit in femininity.Of course, it is the kind of heterosexual experience that drives the active, "masculine" woman to choose between adopting or forgoing her normal sexuality.Male contempt confirms the ugly woman's sense of her own rudderlessness; the self-respecting woman is hurt by the arrogance of her client.Here again we encounter all the causes of frigidity already mentioned: anger, resentment, fear of pregnancy, trauma of previous miscarriages, etc.The more suspicious a woman is when approaching a man, the more important these reasons become. However, homosexuality may not always be a perfect solution for a naturally dominant woman.Because of her quest for self-affirmation, not being able to fully realize her feminine potential was an unpleasant experience for her.In her view, heterosexual relationships are both inferior and fulfilling; while she refuses to be limited by the implications of her gender, she seems to limit herself in another way.Just as the frigid woman both wants sexual pleasure and rejects it, so too often a lesbian may wish to be a normal woman and prefer not to be.This indecision is evident in a case of transvestite studied by Stekel, which has already been discussed.The patient started to engage in homosexuality when he was young, and expressed contempt and disgust for the girls who submitted to her.She started studying hard and started drinking. Although she was playing an aggressive role after marriage, she was still not sexually fulfilled.Soon she left what she called a "crazy in love" husband and resumed sexual relationships with women.At moments of fertile imagination she feels herself entirely male, and conjoins a woman; at other times she feels herself female, and seeks a male lover.Since neither approach gave her sexual satisfaction, she underwent analytic treatment. A lesbian can readily admit that she has lost her femininity if she succeeds in gaining her masculinity in doing so.Although she is able to artificially de-virtue her lover and possess her, she is still an eunuch, and she may be very painful to realize this fact.She is fulfilled as a woman and impotent as a man, her disturbances may lead to psychosis."If only I had something to penetrate," one patient said to Darbitz. Another wished her breasts were firm.A lesbian will often try to compensate for her inferiority in masculinity with arrogance and nudity, which actually exposes a psychological imbalance.Moreover, she sometimes succeeds in forming a relationship with other women quite similar to that which "feminine" men or young men whose masculinity has yet to develop are likely to maintain with them.The case of "The Earl of Sandow," as reported by Kraft Ebbing, is a very famous instance of this relation.By means of the convenience just mentioned, the woman has achieved a psychic equilibrium which has been disturbed only by social intervention. Salotta came from a Hungarian noble family known for its eccentricities.Her father raised her as a boy, called her Sando, and she rode horses, hunted, etc.She was under this influence until she was sent to school at the age of 13.Not long after, she fell in love with an English girl and eloped with her pretending to be a boy.Later she returned home, resuming the name Sando, dressed in men's clothes, and was carefully schooled.She always dressed as a man on long trips with her father.She enjoyed sports, drinking, and visiting brothels.She especially likes actresses and other such detached women, preferably not too young but essentially "feminine". She said: "I am very happy when a lady's lust is exposed under a poetic veil. I am disgusted by all the indecentness of a woman. I have an inexpressible aversion to women's clothing-indeed, to women That’s all true, but it’s just me personally because, on the other hand, I’m passionate about beautiful women.” She had had many affairs with women and spent a lot of money on them.She is also a valued contributor to two important journals. She lived in a "marriage" for 3 years with a woman 10 years older than her, and she was very sad when she broke up with her.She can arouse intense lust.She fell in love with a young schoolteacher, and married her in a grand ceremony, which the girl and her family thought she was a man.Her father-in-law once stumbled upon her with what appeared to be an erection (probably a dildo).She also shaves, but it's a matter of form.But the hotel servants suspect that she is not a man because they see the blood stains on her bedsheets and peep through the keyhole. So the truth came out and Sandow was thrown in jail, only to be released after a thorough investigation.Grieving at being separated from her beloved Mary, she wrote many long and touching letters to her in prison. Examination revealed that her anatomy was not entirely feminine: she had a small pelvis and no waist.Her breasts are well developed and her sex organs are entirely female, but immature.Her menstruation did not appear until the age of 17, and she was terrified of this function.She was terrified at the thought of having sex with a man.Her shyness is only felt towards women, so that she does not feel shy when sleeping with men, but she feels shy when sleeping with women.It was embarrassing for her to be treated like a woman, and she was really distressed at having to wear women's clothes.She felt that she was "a magnet for women aged 24 to 30".She can get sexual satisfaction only when touching her lover, if she is touched, there is no sexual satisfaction at all.From time to time she used a stocking stuffed with cotton wool as a penis.She hates men and is very sensitive to other people's moral judgments.She was very literate, well educated, and had an amazing memory. Sandow did not undergo psychoanalytic therapy, but this simple statement of fact exhibited many characteristics.It seems that there is no "masculine protest" in her, it is completely natural that she always thinks of herself as a man because of her upbringing and anatomy.Her father took her on trips and included her in his life.This approach clearly had decisive consequences.Her masculinity is so determined that she shows no ambivalence toward women.She loves them as much as the men and doesn't think they've damaged her reputation.She loves them in an active way of pure domination, without acknowledging the reciprocity of courtship.But it's worth noting that she "hates" men and has a particular fondness for older women.This implies that she has a masculine Oedipus complex towards her mother, maintaining the attitude of the child in childhood: she forms a pair with her mother and hopes to protect and dominate her mother. If a child does not feel maternal love, she is often haunted by this need all her life: Sandow, raised by her father, must have dreamed of an amiable and respectable mother, an image she later sought in other women.This explains her extreme jealousy of other men, which is closely connected with her "poetic" love and respect for celibate women and older women, who seem to her to have a divine quality .Her attitude to women is exactly what Rousseau took to Madame de Warrens, and Benjamin Constant Jr. to Madame de Charrière: these two sensitive and "feminine" teenagers also turned to motherly mistress.Often the lesbian we meet is more or less clearly of this type, and she never identifies with her mother—because she loves or hates her mother too much.But when she refuses to be a woman, she hopes to have relaxed and happy female protection around her.From that shelter of womb warmth she could step out into the outer world with manly daring.She behaves like a man, but as a man she is vulnerable, which makes her want an older mistress.This couple is equivalent to the well-known heterosexual couple: the older girl and the younger boy. Psychoanalysts place great emphasis on the importance of homosexual women's early relationship with their mothers.There are two situations in which the adolescent girl finds it difficult to escape her mother's influence: one is that she is overly spoiled by a concerned mother, and the other is that she is abused by a "bad mother," causing her deep feelings of guilt.In the first case, their relationship is close to homosexual: they sleep together, touch each other, or enjoy touching their breasts very much.The girl will also have this kind of happiness later in the arms of others.In the second case, she feels a strong need for a "good mother" who can protect her from a "bad mother" who will protect her from misfortune.A patient of Havelock Ellis who hated her mother as a child described her love for an older woman at sixteen: I was like an orphan who suddenly had a mother because of her I felt less hostile to adults and for the first time in my life began to respect what they said... My love for her was pure and I thought her love was just a Motherly love... I love her touching me, she sometimes holds me in her arms, or sits me on her lap.She used to come to say good night and kiss me on the mouth when I was sleeping. Teenage girls are more than happy to indulge in more passionate hugs if the older woman wants to.She usually plays a passive role because like a child she wants to be dominated, protected, rocked and petted.Whether the relationship is platonic or carnal, it has a truly erotic character.However, it is evident from the fact that this relationship comes from a typical stage of adolescent development that it does not adequately explain the explicit choice for homosexuality.What the girl pursues is not only a kind of liberation, but also a sense of security that she can also get in the arms of men.Once the lust phase has passed, the young girl often feels the same ambivalence towards older women as she does towards her mother.She succumbs to her influence yet wants to escape it; if her friends persist in controlling her, she becomes her temporary "captive."But she always escaped, either after a painful quarrel, or in a friendly way.After puberty was over, she felt mature enough to handle a normal woman's life.For her to be a committed gay, she has to refuse to accept her femininity, or allow it to blossom in female arms, as Sandow did.That said, fixation on mothers alone is not sufficient to explain homosexuality.And the choice of homosexuality may indeed be for completely different reasons.A woman may discover or foresee, through total or partial experience, that she will not derive pleasure from a heterosexual relationship, that only another woman can adequately provide it: gay embraces in particular can serve as a catalyst for turning one's femininity into a religion. Women verify the greatest satisfaction. It is important to underscore the fact that the refusal to objectify oneself is not always the reason why women turn to homosexuality.Instead, most lesbians want to tap into their treasure trove of femininity.To be willing to become a passive object does not mean to give up the claim to subjectivity altogether: in this way a woman hopes to achieve self-actualization beneath the surface of herself as a thing; His otherness, her otherness to discover herself.She can't really form a double when she's alone.If she touches her own breasts, she still has no idea how the strange hand feels on her breast, or how the breast responds to the strange hand.A man can reveal to her that her body exists for herself—that is, not for others, as she herself perceives it.The miracle of the mirror works only when her fingers are groping a woman's body, and the woman's fingers are groping her body.Between man and woman, love is an act in which each withdrawn from the self becomes the other: the woman who makes love is, to the great surprise, reflected in the impatience of the man her lingering passivity of the flesh.The narcissistic woman, however, only dimly sees her allure in the man's erect flesh.Love between women is contemplative.The purpose of touching is not to possess the other, but to gradually recreate oneself through her.Separation is eliminated, there is no struggle and therefore no victory and defeat.Because of strict reciprocity, each is both subject and object, sovereign and slave; duality becomes interdependence.Colette said in "The Pleasures of the Carnal": "Striking resemblance brings certain pleasure. The lover is happy to believe that she is touching a body whose secrets are known to her, and her own body points out to her that body." preference." René Vivian's poem also expresses this meaning: "Our bodies are born alike... Our destiny is the same... With you, I love my child, my lover, my sister. " There may be a maternal quality to this reflex.The mother who sees herself in her daughter and projects herself on her daughter often has a sexual attachment to her daughter.Both she and the lesbian longed to protect the soft flesh in their arms, rocking it back and forth. Colette illustrates this similarity when she writes in "The Vine": "With motherly eyes you search in your lover for a child that is not yours, and you stoop over me, and you will make me Joy"; and René Vivian poured out the same emotion in another of her poems: "...my arms were born to shelter you better... like a warm cradle, to let you to rest." In all love, sexual or maternal, there is selfishness and generosity, the desire to possess and give completely to the other.But the similarity between the mother and the lesbian is here in particular: both are narcissistic, each obsessed with the child or the girlfriend—the projection or reflection of themselves. But narcissism, like fixation on the mother, does not always lead to homosexuality.This is evident, for example, in the case of Marie Bashkirchev, whose works do not reveal any attachment to women.Sensible, not swayed by sensuality, and extremely conceited, she has dreamed of being highly valued by men since she was a child: she is only interested in things that can enhance her reputation.A woman who only worships herself and wants to succeed cannot be tenderly attached to other women, she will only see them as enemies and rivals. The truth is, there is no single determining factor.It is always a matter of choice based on free decision obtained in a complex general situation.Sexual destiny does not dictate a woman's personal life: on the contrary, it is her type of sexual drive that expresses her general outlook on life. However, the surrounding environment has a significant influence on this choice.Today, both sexes still largely live separate lives, and in boarding and girls' schools the transition from intimacy to sexuality is swift.在男女交往能促进异性恋体验的环境里，女性同性恋者要少得多。许多受雇于工厂和办公室、被女人包围。几乎见不到男人的女人，会很容易与女性形成色情友谊：她们会觉得，使她们的生命发生联系，无论在肉体还是精神上都是简单的。异性恋接触的缺乏或困难，会注定她们要搞同性恋。在听任和偏好之间很难划出一条界线：一个女人可以因男人使她失望而委身于女人，但有时男人使她失望是因为她确实在他身上寻找女人的形象。 由于这一切原因，明确划分同性恋女人和异性恋女人的做法是错误的。青春不稳定期一旦结束，正常男性就不会再允许自己以搞同性恋为乐。但正常女人却往往恢复那种在少女期曾使她心醉的、精神的或肉体的性活动。对男人失望以后，她可能会找一个女情人来取代背叛她的男性。柯莱特在她的《流浪女》中，指出了被禁的快感在女人生活中可能时常起到的这种慰藉作用：如发生的那样”有些女人一辈子都在得到这样的慰藉。即使一个女人并不缺少男性的拥抱，她也不一定会蔑视这种较平静的快感。如果她是被动的、淫荡的，就不会讨厌女友的抚摸，因为她这时只能退却，让自己得到满足。如果她是主动的、狂热的，她就会像个“阴阳人”似的，这并不是因为雌性与雄性荷尔蒙的某种神秘结合，而只是因为她把攻击性与占有欲看成男性气质。柯莱特笔下的克格迪娜，与雷诺相爱时仍被雷齐的魅力所吸引。 她完全是一个女人，尽管未失去占有与抚摸的欲望。当然，这些“邪恶的”欲望，在“好女人”身上被小心翼翼地压抑着，但仍会以纯洁而又热烈的友情形式，或会在母爱的掩饰下表现出来。有时它们在精神病期间或绝经危机时会猛烈爆发出来。 尚有更充分的理由，可以说明试图将女性同性恋者分为特征明显的两类是何等的无用。 由于她们常喜欢模仿有两性性欲的配偶，在以社交来掩饰她们的真正关系时，是她们自己在暗示把女性同性恋者分为“男性化的”和“女性化的”两种类型。但是，一方穿着严肃而另一方着女性服饰这种情况，不应当引起任何错觉。只要仔细观察就会发现，除少数例外，她们的性欲是模棱两可的。因自视清高、拒绝男性支配而变成同性恋者的女人，常喜欢找一个同样清高的女英雄。以前，在塞夫勒的女学生当中同性恋就很盛行，她们远离男人，生活在一起。她们对属于女性精英感到自豪，希望自己永远是自主的主体。使她们共同反对特权等级的那种共同感觉，使每个人都在崇拜朋友的那种令人难忘的形象，而这个形象又是她在自己的身上所崇拜的。在相互拥抱时，每个人都既是男人又是女人，而且都为对方的半男半女的特质所陶醉。 另一方面，希望在女性怀抱里享受她自己的女性气质的女人，也可以体会到不服从主人的自豪。勒内·维维安深深爱着女性美，希望自己也美。她打扮自己，对她那长长的秀发很是得意。但她也欣然觉得自己是自由的，神圣不可侵犯的。她在诗中对婚后同意变成男人奴隶的女人表示轻蔑。她对烈性酒的爱好，她有时讲的下流话，表明她渴望有男性气质。实际上，在大多数结合中抚摸是相互的，因而，两个性伙伴的各自角色决非明确固定：比较孩子气的女人，可以扮演和已婚女人交往的少年角色，而这个已婚女人给她以保护；也可以扮演依靠情夫权势的情妇角色。她们能平等地享受她们的爱。由于两个性伙伴是对等的、基本相似的，种种结合、易位、交替和com湖泊〔可笑的举动］都可能发生。她们之间的性关系，根据双方各自的心理倾向以及总的处境，达到了平衡。如果其中一方帮助并供养另一方，她即在承担男性的职责：专横的保护者，被利用的笨蛋，受尊重的丈夫，有时乃至拉皮条者。 一种心理的、社会的或理智上的优越，可能授予她权威，然而，极被爱的一方将享有极爱的那一方的热烈依恋所授予的特权。同男女之间的交往一样，两个女人的交往也有许多不同的形式。它可能基于情感、物质利益或习惯；可能是婚姻的或罗曼蒂克的。它容纳了虐待、被虐、慷慨、忠诚、献身、任性、自私和背叛，所以在女性同性恋者当中，有妓女，也有伟大的情人。 但是某些情况使这些私通具有独具的特征。它们没有被制度或社会习俗所认可，也不受惯例的制约，因而其特征是特别真诚。男女之间，甚至是夫妻之间，在某种意义上彼此都在演戏，而女人尤甚，因为男性总是强加于她某种要求：无可置疑的贞节、魅力、风骚、孩子气或简朴。在丈夫或情人面前，她只能显得和平常不太一样。但和女友在一起，她不需要演戏，不需要伪装：她们完全属于同类，必须原原本本地坦率表现自己。这种相似引起一种亲密无间的感觉。在这些结合当中，性冲动时常只占一小部分。这种性快感，属于不如男女间那么强烈、那么令人眩晕的一类，不会引起那种不可抑制的变化。但是男女情人一旦从肉体拥抱中抽出，就又会变成了陌生人，男性身体本身会变得令女人厌恶，而男人也会对同伴的女性身体感到某种淡淡的厌恶。女人之间的性爱则比较平稳，比较有连续性。她们不会在十分激动的狂喜中失去自制，但也不会重新陷入有敌意的冷漠。相互注视、相互触摸是一种平静的快感，是床上快感的延续。萨拉·庞森比与女伴的结合，几乎平静地延续了50年：她们显然能够抛开普通世界，创造一个和平的伊甸园。 但真诚也要付出代价。由于原原本本地坦率表现她们自己，对掩饰或自制的漫不经心，两个女情人也可能会发生十分激烈的争吵。一个男人和一个女人受到他们有差别这一事实的威胁：他怜悯她，关心她；他觉得必须以礼貌、宽厚和克制的态度对待她；她则尊重他，有点害怕他，在他面前努力控制自己；每一方都小心翼翼，避免伤害神秘的另一方，对另一方的感觉和反应没有把握。但女人之间相互毫无怜悯可言。她们拼命地相互阻挠。激怒、纠缠和进攻，把对方逼入绝境。男性的沉着冷静，不论是出于漠不关心还是出于自我克制，都是女性争吵妄想突破的屏障，就像旋转的水流想冲破堤坝那样。但在两个女人之间，眼泪与狂怒交替上升，她们想用责备制服对方、想永远不停地“弄个水落石出”的欲望，是无法满足的。苛求、责备、妒忌、专横一这一切婚姻生活的瘟疫都在加倍激烈地释放出来。 如果说这类性爱常常是多风波的，那么，说搞这类性爱比搞异性恋更危险也是对的。它们受到社会的谴责，因而它们与社会结合很难会成功。因她的天性、处境或情欲强度而承担男性角色的女人，将会对未能给爱人带来一种正常的、受人尊重的生活，未能与她结婚感到悔恨。她会责备自己使她的朋友染上了有问题的习惯：这就是拉德克利夫·霍尔赋予她的《寂寞之井》的女主人公的情感。这种悔恨表现为一种病态的焦虑，尤其表现为一种令人痛苦的嫉妒。被动的或感受不那么深的性伙伴，在她那方面将确实会承受社会指责的沉重压力。她会认为自己是堕落的、邪恶的、受挫的，对把这一切带给她的女人感到怨恨。在两个女人当中，有一个也可能想要孩子；如果这样，她就要悲痛地准备接受她的不育，或两个人收养一个孩子，或想做母亲一方求助于某个男人；孩子可能会使她们的结合更为稳固，也可能是不和的新根源。 赋予同性恋女人以男性特征的，并不是她们的性生活，相反，它倒把她们束缚在女性世界。这毋宁说是她们因舍弃男人而被迫承担的一整套责任。她们的处境与高级妓女正好相反，高级妓女因生活在男人中间，有时表现出男性气质，如尼侬·德·朗克洛就是这样，但她仍要依靠他们。女性同性恋者周围的独特气氛，来自她们私生活的闺房风气与她们公众生活的男性自由之间的鲜明对比。在一个没有男人的世界中，她们像男人那样行动。女人把男人撇到一边，依靠自己，于是显得有点与众不同。男人并不真的尊重女人，他们通过他们的女人——妻子、情妇，或他们为之拉皮条的妓女，相互尊重。没有男性保护，女人在挑衅的、以嘲笑为乐的或怀有敌意的高级等级面前就会无依无靠。作为一种性“变态”，女性同性恋可能会被付之一笑；但若要暗示一种生活方式，就会引起蔑视或愤怒的反对。如果说在女性同性恋者的态度中有许多挑衅和做作，那是因为在她们的处境中她们无法自然地生活：自然意味着无自我意识，不向自己描绘自己的行为；但他人的态度不断地使女性同性恋者注意她自己。 只有在她年老或有相当高的社会威望的支持时，她才可以满不在乎地去走自己的路。 要确切说明，例如，女性同性恋者通常着男装是由于偏好，还是出于自卫的反应，这是困难的。无疑这常是一个自发选择的问题。没有什么比着女装更不自然的了。当然男式服装也不自然，但它比较简单，比较方便，它的目的不是阻碍而是促进主动性。乔治·桑穿的就是男装。蒂德·莫尼埃在她的最后一部书《自我》中，也承认她更喜欢穿长裤。每一个主动的女人，都喜欢穿低跟鞋和质料坚挺的衣服。女人服饰的含义是明显的：这是装璜，而装璜意味着出售。异性恋的女权主义者以前和女性同性恋者一样，在这个问题上是不妥协的：由于拒绝将自己变成商品出售，她们爱穿严肃简单的套装，爱戴毡帽。在她们看来，精致低领的礼服是她们所要反对的社会秩序的象征。今天，她们已成功地实现了这一点，所以她们认为这个象征不那么重要了。但它对于女性同性恋者仍然是重要的，在某种意义上她仍必须坚持她的权利要求。严肃的服装也可能比较适于她，如果身体特征使她选择了同性恋的话。 而且还应当指出，华丽服饰的功效之一，就是满足了触觉的官能享受，但女性同性恋者蔑视天鹅绒和丝绸的吸引力：同桑多一样，她喜欢让朋友穿着它们，或者，她朋友的身体本身可以取代它们。同样，女性同性恋者也常喜欢喝烈性酒，吸烈性烟，讲粗话，从事剧烈运动：她在性冲动中获得了十分温柔的女性甜蜜，为了对比，她喜欢不那么温柔的倾向，所以也可能开始喜欢与男人交往。 但是，这会涉及到一个新的因素，那就是她与男人的往往是含糊的关系。一个对自己的男性魔力十分自信的女人，只会希望男人成为她的朋友和伙伴。但如果女人对认同于男人并不感兴趣，在商业、社会活动或艺术领域不如男人那么努力和成功，则在她身上会很难发现这种自信。吉尔特鲁德·斯泰因在招待朋友时，只与男人交谈，而把与女人谈话的责任交给了艾丽丝·托克拉斯但十分男性化的女性同性恋者，对女人会持一种矛盾的态度：她瞧不起她们，但和她们在一起时，她无论作为男人还是女人，都会产生自卑情绪。她害怕她们觉得她既是一个有缺陷的女人，又是一个不健全的男人。这使她故意自视清高，或像斯特克尔所谈到的易装癖那样，在她们面前表现出虐待狂的攻击性。 但这种情况很少见。如我们所见，大多数女性同性恋者都在默默地逃避男人：她们和性冷淡的女人一样，有一种怨恨、胆怯和自尊的感觉；她们并不真的觉得自己可以和男人相匹敌；她们除了女性的怨恨，还有男性的自卑情结；男人是竞争对手，他们更有条件引诱、占有和保存他们的猎物；她们憎恨男人使女人受到的“玷污”。她们也愤怒地看到男人拥有社会优势，觉得他们是强者：无力与对手交战，知道他一拳就能把你击倒，这真是一种奇耻大辱。 这种复杂的故意，是迫使某些女性同性恋者惹人注目的原因之一。她们聚在一起，组织只许女性参加的俱乐部，以证明她们不但在性的方面，就是在社交方面也不需要男人。从这一点很容易堕入夸夸其谈和源于不真诚的各种装腔作势。女性同性恋者先是假装是一个男人，后来甚至做女性同性恋者本身也变成了一种游戏；男式服装最初是伪装，后来变成了制服；而女人在逃避男性压迫的借口下，变成了她所扮演角色的奴隶；她不希望受女人处境的束缚，却在受同性恋者处境的束缚，没有什么比这群解放了的女人给人的心胸狭窄、残缺不全的印象再坏的了。我们还应当看到，许多女人宣称自己是同性恋者，只是为了迎合利己的需要： 她们搞同性恋，只是因为逐渐认识到它有一种含糊不清的诱惑力，她们甚至希望诱惑可能喜欢“坏女人”的男人。这些喧嚣的狂热分子（她们显然是女性同性恋者当中最引人注意的） 使公众舆论本来就认为是邪恶和装腔作势的东西，更加名誉扫地。 实际上，同性恋既不是一种厄运，也不是被有意纵情享受的一种变态，它是在特定处境下被选择的一种态度，就是说，它既是被激发的，又是自由采纳的。使主体与这一选择有关的各种因素——生理状况。心理背景与社会环境，没有一种是决定性的，尽管这些因素对解释它都有帮助。除了别的之外，同性恋还是一种方法，女人用它来解决她的一般处境，特别是她的性处境提出的问题。和人的所有行为一样，同性恋是导致虚假、失衡、受挫、谎言，还是相反，会带来有益的体验，这要取决于它在现实生活中的表现方式——是不真诚的、懒惰的和虚伪的，还是明朗的、慷慨的和自由的。