Chapter 20 Chapter Fourteen Sexual Motivation-1

Chapter Fourteen Sexual Motivation In a sense, the sexual mobilization of women, like that of men, begins in the earliest childhood.There is a theoretical and practical probationary period that extends from the oral, anal, and genital stages into adulthood.However, the adolescent girl's sexual experiences are not merely an extension of her previous sexually motivated activities, but they are often unexpected, unpleasant, always with the quality of a new experience breaking with the past.When the girl actually goes through these experiences, all her problems come together in sharp and urgent form.Sometimes such crises are easily overcome, but there are also tragic instances where the situation can only be overcome by death or stupidity.In either case, a woman's future is strongly influenced by how she reacts on this occasion.Psychiatrists agree that a woman's first sexual experiences are of the utmost importance: their effects will be felt throughout her life.

The situation under consideration differs greatly between men and women, whether biologically or socially or psychologically.For men, the transition from childhood sexuality to maturity is relatively simple: sexual pleasure is objectified, and desire is directed toward another rather than fulfilled within the ego.An erection is a manifestation of this requirement.The man touches his sexual partner with his penis, hands and mouth, with his whole body, but he himself remains at the center of this activity.Generally speaking, he is the subject, as opposed to the object he observes, the instrument he manipulates.He projects himself onto another without losing his independence.The female body is prey to him, and he uses it to access desired qualities, as he does with anything.

Of course he didn't really claim them, but at least he embraced them.Touching and kissing imply partial inhibition, but this inhibition is itself stimulation and pleasure.The act of love is completed with orgasm, with its natural consequences.Sexual intercourse has a clear physiological outcome and purpose.Men get total relaxation by ejaculating with some sort of unpleasant discharge.This relaxation is the result of sexual arousal, and is indeed accompanied by pleasure.Of course, this euphoria is not the only result, disappointment often follows: the request disappears, although he is not yet fully satisfied.In any case, the definite act is accomplished, and the man's body retains its integrity: his service to the species is combined with his personal enjoyment.

A woman's sexual drive is far more complex, reflecting the complexity of the woman's situation.We have seen that the female does not incorporate into her individual life the powerful dynamics of the species, but is a victim of the species whose interests are separate from those of the individual female.This contradiction culminates in the human female.For example, it appears as the opposition of these two organs: the clitoris and the vagina. The former is the center of female sexuality in childhood.Although some psychiatrists believe that some girls have vaginas that are sensitive, the issue remains controversial and, after all, of secondary importance.The clitoral tissue remains unchanged during adulthood, and the woman retains this independence of sexual drive for life.Like the male orgasm, the clitoral orgasm is a process of rising and falling in a similarly mechanical way.But it is only indirectly linked to normal sexual intercourse and has no effect on fertility.

The vagina, through which the woman is penetrated and fertilized, can become the center of the sexual drive only through male intervention, and this always implies a violation.Women used to be thrown out of the world of childhood and thrown into the world of wives by rape or seduction. It is still violence that turns a girl into a woman, so we keep saying, "take" a girl's virginity, "pick" her flower, or "break" her hymen.This breach of virginity is not the gradual result of a continual evolution, but an abrupt break with the past, the beginning of a new cycle.Sexual pleasure thereafter is obtained through contraction of the vaginal walls.Will this contraction cause a precise, unmistakable orgasm?The anatomical argument is ambiguous.The Kinsey report stated the following:

"There is a lot of anatomical and clinical evidence that most of the inner wall of the vagina is devoid of nerves. Many operations in the vagina can be performed without the use of anesthesia. Experiments have shown that only the front wall of the vagina near the base of the clitoris has nerves. ’” However, in addition to stimulation of the innervated area, “women can also feel the penetration of objects into the vagina, especially when the vaginal muscles tighten. It is related to the stimulation of sexual nerves". However, the presence of vaginal pleasure remains unmistakable.Vaginal masturbation, as far as adult women are concerned, seems to be more common than Kinsey points out.But it is certain that the vaginal reaction is very complex and can be regarded as both physiological and psychological in nature, because it not only involves the whole nervous system, but also depends on the whole experience and situation of the individual: it requires complete and complete acceptance on the part of the woman.

In order to form a new sexual cycle from the first coitus, a matching or recombination in the nervous system is necessary, a pattern that has not been proposed before must be proposed, which must also include the organ of the clitoris.This takes time to complete, and sometimes it may never complete successfully.It is worth noting that woman faces a choice between two systems, one that keeps her perpetually girlish and independent, and the other that entrusts woman to men and procreation.Normal sexuality actually places the woman in a state of attachment to the man and the species.As is the case in most animals, it is the male who plays the aggressive role and the female submits to his embrace.Normally, she could be possessed by a man at any time, but he could possess her only when he was erect.Female refusal can always be overcome unless vaginismus occurs, sealing the woman's vagina more effectively than the hymen.Even with vaginismus, a man has a way of expressing sexual desire on a body that is at the mercy of his muscles.

Since she is the object, her inertness on the part of her does not seriously interfere with her natural functioning: it turns out that many men do not bother to find out whether the women they are sleeping with are desiring intercourse, or Just as a last resort.Necrosis is even possible.Sexual intercourse cannot take place without the male's consent, and male gratification is its natural end point.Conception can occur without the woman feeling pleasure.But conception for her is not the end of the sexual process, on the contrary, her service to the species is just beginning at this moment: it is accomplished slowly and painfully in pregnancy, childbirth and lactation.

The "fate of the anatomy" is very different between men and women, and this difference is also expressed in their moral and social situation.Patriarchal civilization dedicated women to chastity; it more or less openly recognized the right of men to sexual liberty, while confining women to marriage.Sexual behavior, if not sanctioned by custom and scripture, was to her a fault, a degradation, a frustration and a weakness.She should defend her chastity, her honor.If she "submits," if she "falls," she is scorned.And the blame that fell on her conqueror was mingled with envy.From primitive times to today, sexual intercourse has been regarded as a "service" for which men reward women with gifts or security of livelihood.To serve, however, is to sell oneself to a master, and there is absolutely no reciprocity in this relationship.The nature of marriage is as much evidenced by the existence of the prostitute: the woman sells herself, and the man pays her and possesses her.Nothing prevents the male from playing the role of master, possessing an inferior creature.Adultery with maidservants was always tolerated, while middle-class women who committed themselves to coachman or gardener lost their rank.In the American South, social mores have always allowed savage racists to sleep with black women, as before the Civil War as they do today, exercising this right with aristocratic arrogance.But a white woman who had sex with a black man would have been executed in the days of black slavery and may be lynched today.

To express the fact that he has sex with a woman, a man says he "possesses" her, or "has" her.The Greeks called a woman who had never had a relationship with a man an unsubdued virgin; the Romans called Messalina "unvanquished" because no lover could give her enough pleasure.For the lover, therefore, the act of love is conquest, victory. Even though other men's erections are often viewed as a ridiculous imitation of random movements, every man views his own erections with a little vanity.The masculine sexual vocabulary is taken from military terms: a man is military, his organs stretched like bows, ejaculation is "shooting," and he speaks of attack, surprise, and victory.There was a certain heroism in his sexual excitement.Benda writes in "Uriel's Report": "The act of reproduction consists in the appropriation of one man over another, and thus it imposes on the one the idea of ​​a conqueror, and on the other a certain idea of ​​being conquered." .Indeed, when speaking of their love relations, even the most civilized people speak of attack, raid, and siege, as well as of defense, defeat, and surrender. This is clearly shaping the idea of ​​love in terms of war. This act It involves one being defiled by another, so there is some kind of pride for the defiler and some kind of humiliation for the defiled, even with her consent."

This statement gave rise to a new myth that men defile women.Actually, semen and feces are two different things. The reason people speak of "defilement by night" is because nature's purpose has not been fulfilled.But just because coffee stains pastel-colored clothes doesn't mean it's a stomach-staining mess.Conversely, a woman is sometimes considered unclean because she "excretes filth" and defiles the man.To be such a defiler, after all, can only show very dubious superiority.In fact, man's privileged position derives from the unity of his biologically aggressive role with his social function as leader or master.It is a social function of this kind which allows biological differences to fully express their importance.Because man is the ruler of the world, he sees violence against whom he desires as a sign of his sovereignty; a man of great copulation is said to be powerful, valiant—these descriptions imply Take the initiative and go beyond.On the woman's side, however, being only an object, she will be said to be excited or frigid, that is to say, she will always be able to express only passive qualities. Therefore, the environment and social customs faced by women's sexual mobilization are completely different from those faced by adolescent men. Moreover, women's attitudes towards sexual impulses are very complicated when she first meets men.The virgin is not, as it is sometimes insisted, ignorant of her own sexual desires, her sexual feelings must be aroused by a man.This legend once again expresses the masculine gift for domination and expresses his desire that she should never be independent, even when she desires him.The fact is that a man's initial desire is often caused by contact with the opposite sex. On the contrary, most girls are eager to be touched before they touch the touching hand.Isadora Duncan wrote in "My Life": My breasts, which had been barely noticeable until then, now protrude loosely, surprising me with their cuteness and embarrassment at the same time.My buttocks used to be boyish, but now they have a different wave shape, and I feel a wave of longing, unmistakable urges sweeping through my body, so that I can't sleep at night, tossing and turning, restless and painful anxiety. Stekel reports the life history of a female patient thus: I started flirting vigorously.I must have what I called at the time a "nervous scratcher"... I am a passionate dance fan and I always close my eyes and enjoy it when I dance... I am a bit of an exhibitionist when I dance; my sensuality seems to get the better of my shame Sensation... the first year I danced greedily and with great pleasure... I slept for a long time, masturbated every day, often for an hour at a stretch... until I was sweating profusely and was too tired to continue Time to fall asleep... My lust is on fire.I will accept the first man who proposes to me.I'm not after a particular man, but men in general. In fact, a virgin's desire does not appear as a clear request: a virgin does not know exactly what she wants.She still often bore traces of the aggressive sexual impulses of her childhood.Her original urge was to grab, and she still wants to hug and possess.She wants her prey to have valuable qualities that she seems to sense through taste, smell, and touch.For sexual activity is not an isolated sphere, which perpetuates the early sensual dreams and pleasures.Boys and girls, boys and teens like soft, creamy, smooth, rounded, elastic things: things that bend when stressed without breaking or deforming, things that look or mold smooth .Like men, women also like the soft warmth of sand dunes—it is often compared to breasts, the softness of silk, the softness and delicacy of duck down, and the cream of flowers and fruits; and girls especially like soft and elegant colors. The haze of tulle and tulle.She dislikes coarse cloth, grit, rockery, bitterness and sourness.Like her brother, it was the mother's body that she touched and loved first.In her narcissism, in her homosexual experience, both vaguely and explicitly, she plays the role of subject and wants to possess a female body.When confronted with a man, she feels a desire to actively caress her prey on her hands and lips.However, a reckless man with thick skin, rough skin, heavy hair, strong body odor and vulgar appearance not only does not arouse her desire, but even arouses her disgust. If a woman's grasping, possessive tendencies have been particularly strong, she will, like René Vivienne, develop in a homosexual direction.Or she will choose only the male whom she can take for a woman: this is the case with the heroine of Rachilde's Mister Venus.She bought herself a young man, enjoyed his passionate touch, but forbade him to have sex with her.Some women like to fondle boys of thirteen or fourteen, even children, but avoid grown men.We have seen, however, that the passive sexuality of most women also develops after childhood: a woman likes to be held and touched, especially after puberty, when she longs to become flesh in the arms of a man.The main role is usually played by men, she is well aware of this.She was repeatedly told, "A man doesn't have to be pretty".She should not be looking in him for the inert qualities of the object, but for strength and masculinity. So, she herself split.She craves strong hugs that shake her, but rudeness and violence can also be a nasty deterrent to hurting her.Her feelings depend as much on her body as on her dominion, and the demands of the one are partly opposed to the demands of the other.She picks as many compromises as possible.She gives herself to a man who is masculine, but he must also be young, vigorous, and able to be a satisfying object.In a handsome young man she can find all the attraction she covets. There is a symmetry to the conjugal delight in the Song of Solomon; she finds in him what he seeks in her: the animals and plants of the earth, the precious stones, the streams and the stars.Yet she lacks the means to acquire these riches, her anatomy obliges her to be eunuch-like: the hope of possession is thwarted for lack of an organ capable of embodying it.Moreover, men are by no means willing to accept passive roles.Circumstances often lead the girl to submit to the man whose touch excites her, although she does not derive pleasure from looking at or touching him in turn.What is overlooked is that in her desire-laced aversion there is not only a fear of male aggression but also a deep sense of frustration: a woman's sexual pleasure can only be found in relation to her natural sexuality. The man's pleasure from touching and viewing has a common basis with a specific sexual pleasure. But what constitutes a steady passive sexual drive is ambiguous.Nothing could be more ambiguous than the meaning of touch.Many men feel no aversion to the handling of utensils, but they dislike the handling of animals and plants.A woman's flesh may quiver or shudder with pleasure at the touch of silk or velvet: I remember a friend of mine when I was young who got goosebumps at the sight of peaches.It is easy to change from discomfort to pleasurable tickling, from restlessness to pleasure.Arms wrapped around the body can be a sanctuary, protection, or a prison, suffocating.This ambiguity is maintained in the virgin because of the paradoxical situation of her eyes: her organ to be transformed is closed.The vague and strong demands of her flesh spread throughout her body, except where there was only sexual intercourse.There is no organ by which the virgin can satisfy her active sexual drive, and she has no actual experience with the use of that organ which condemns her to passivity. Still, that passivity is not entirely inert.For an aroused woman certain active phenomena are bound to occur: excitement of the erogenous zones, swelling of certain erectile tissues, production of secretions, rise in body temperature, quickening of pulse and respiration.Like men, women's desire and sexual pleasure consume vital energy.Although female sexual hunger is receptive in nature, it is also active to some extent, which manifests itself in nervous and muscular tension.Insensitive and lethargic women are always sexually frigid.As for the existence of a constitutional frigidity, it is doubtful that psychological factors must play a leading role in determining a woman's sexual power.However, there can be no doubt that physical defects and weakened vitality also manifest themselves locally through frigidity. On the other hand, if the vitality is expended in voluntary activities, such as sports, it does not go into sexual channels: the Scandinavian woman is healthy and strong, but sexually frigid.Vigorous women are those who combine depression and lust, like Italian and Spanish women.That is to say, their exuberant vitality can only be released through carnal desire.To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is quite different from being a passive object: a woman making love is neither asleep nor dead.There was in her a strong urge that rose and fell, and the falls were the intervals that kept desire alive.But it's easy to upset the balance between enthusiasm and indulgence.Male desire is tension, which can spread throughout the body and make the nerves and muscles tense. Therefore, the postures and movements that the body participates in at will not only do not contradict the desire, but promote it.On the contrary, all haphazard efforts are made to prevent the female body from being "possessed," which is why a woman instinctively rejects a style of intercourse that requires effort and tension on her part.Rapidity and too many changes of coitus positions, any demand for consciously directed activities, whether words or deeds, tend to destroy that interval.Intense, passionate pressure can cause restlessness, contractures, and tension: some women scratch and bite, their bodies stiffen, and burst out with unearthly strength.However, these phenomena occur only when a certain explosive state is reached; and this state can only be achieved when all physical and mental inhibitions have been eliminated, so that the energy can be completely concentrated on the sexual act.That is to say, it is not enough for a girl to forget herself. If she is submissive, lethargic, and absent-minded, she will satisfy neither her partner nor herself.She must actively participate in that adventure which her virginal body and spirit are sure to be reluctant to partake in, surrounded in reality by taboos, prohibitions, prejudices and demands. Understandably, it's not easy to arouse a woman's sex drive in this situation.As we have seen, events of childhood or adolescence repeatedly aroused in her a strong and sometimes insurmountable resistance.Teenage girls are often indifferent to these events, but serious conflicts arise from them.Her strict upbringing, her fear of sin, her guilt towards her mother all formed great obstacles.Many classes value virginity so highly that losing it outside of legal marriage seems like a real disaster.A teenage girl who succumbs to impulse or accident and considers herself to have lost her reputation.Wedding night is not a comfortable experience because it makes a virgin suffer from men she often doesn't really fancy, and because it's expected to be all sex to her in a matter of hours or minutes. launch.In general, any transformation is painful because of its decidedly irreversible nature: to become a woman is to break with the past forever.But this particular transformation was more dramatic than any other.Not only does it create a break between yesterday and tomorrow, but it throws her out of the fantasy world where she has lived for so long, and into the real world.Michelle Leary said the marital bed was "the real deal", using the cattle training analogy.For virgins, the saying does have its richest and most terrifying connotations.The engagement, flirtation, and courtship seem to be a prologue, during which she still lives in the world of rituals and fantasies to which she is accustomed.Her suitor's conversation is romantic, or at least suave, and playing hide-and-seek is still possible.Suddenly, however, she found herself stared at by real eyes, grasped by real hands: a look and a grip of relentless reality that horrified her. Anatomically and traditionally, the initiator role belongs to the young man.Of course, the virgin man's first mistress also molested him, but even so, he still had independent sexual impulses manifested in erections, and the mistress only provided for its realization the object he had been longing for: the woman's body. .A girl needs a man to reveal her own body to her: She is much more attached.From the first experience a man is usually active and decisive, whether he pays his sexual partner or pursues and seduces her more or less simply.Girls, on the other hand, are often courted and seduced. Even if she had teased the man first, he must have been controlling their sexual activity later on.He was usually older and better at what he was doing, so it was obvious that he should be in charge of this kind of adventure with which she was still unfamiliar.His desires are more aggressive and more bossy.Lover or husband, it was he who led her to bed, and she had only to give herself up and do as she was told.Even though she has accepted the domination in her mind, she still panics at the moment when she must actually obey. First, she would avoid the kind of stare that would embarrass her.Her shyness is partly a superficial acquisition, but it also has deep roots.Both men and women are ashamed of their flesh.In its pure inactive being, in its irrational immanence, under the gaze of others, the body manifests its own absurd contingency, and yet it is itself: oh, don't let it exist for others Bar!Oh, get rid of it!Some men say they cannot tolerate being naked in front of a woman unless they have an erection.Indeed, since the moving body is active and capable of coitus, the sex organ is no longer an inert object, but, like the hands and the face, an arbitrary expression of subjectivity.This is one of the reasons why young men are far less sleepy, timid and powerless than women.Because they are playing an aggressive role, they rarely face situations of being watched; and when they are watched, they are hardly afraid of judgment, since their mistress requires of them qualities that are not sentimental: their complexes depend rather on Their ability to make love and their skill at giving pleasure.At least they can protect themselves and want to win the encounter.A woman cannot alter her body at will: as soon as she can no longer conceal it, she abandons it, leaving it unprotected.Even if she craves touching, the thought of being looked at and touched resents her.All the more so since her breasts and buttocks had grown particularly voluptuous.Many grown women absolutely hate being looked at from behind, even when fully clothed.So one can imagine what kind of disgust a novice in love needs to overcome when he agrees to be watched.There is no doubt that a Fellini-style girl has no need to be afraid of men's gazes. On the contrary, she is extremely proud of being naked-expressing her beauty.But even as beautiful as Fellini, the maiden is not at all convinced of her beauty; she cannot be immensely proud of her body, unless male admiration confirms her girlish vanity.And that was the reason for her fear.Her lover is more terrifying than the gaze, for he is the judge.He wanted to reveal herself to her exactly.Passionately enamored with her own reflection, each girl is still uncertain of herself at the moment of male judgment.So she wanted to leave the light and hide under the covers.When she admires herself in the mirror, she is still only dreaming of herself, as she sees with male eyes.Now that the two eyes do appear, deception is impossible, and struggle is equally impossible: a mysterious free man is about to deliver the verdict—and there is no appeal.In the actual test of sexual experience, the demons of childhood and adolescence either finally disappear or are confirmed forever.Many girls are troubled by ankles that are too thick, breasts that are too dry or full, thighs that are too thin, and warts.They are also often afraid of some hidden deformity.All teenage girls, Stekel argues, are filled with comical fears that they secretly think their bodies might be abnormal.For example, some people regard the navel as a sexual organ, and feel sorry for its closure.There are also people who consider themselves a hermaphrodite. Girls without these demonic thoughts often think that some parts of their bodies that do not actually exist will suddenly appear, so they are terrified.Will her new look arouse disgust?Will it be coldly received?Will you be ridiculed?This must be verified by male judgment: the bet is cast.This is why a man's attitude will have a deep and lasting effect.His passion and affection can be a source of self-confidence that is helpful to a woman: until she's eighty years old, she'll think of herself as that flower, that lovely thing, that one night aroused a man's high-pitched desire.On the other hand, a clumsy lover or husband may also induce inferiority complexes which sometimes lead to permanent neurosis, and a woman may develop resentments which lead to insurmountable frigidity.Stekel reported a notable instance: a woman who had been inactive for years with low back pain and frigidity because her first sexual intercourse on their wedding night was painful, was scolded by her husband for lying to him, saying she was not a woman. virgin.Another husband made derogatory remarks about the bride's thighs, saying they were "thick and short".As a result, she immediately developed a permanent frigidity, and later suffered from neurosis.Another frigid woman remarked how her husband complained cruelly that her parts were too small.Similar examples abound. Being watched is one danger, being abused is another.Women are often unfamiliar with violence, having not experienced fights in childhood and adolescence in the same way as men.That's why girls are controlled and quickly conquered in the physical struggle where men now have the upper hand.She was no longer free to dream, to delay and to play tricks: she was in his hands, at his mercy.This embrace, like a hand-to-hand fight, frightened her because she had never fought before.She was used to being touched by her fiancé, companion, colleague, and a polite and cultivated man, but now he showed a strange appearance, selfish and self-willed.Facing such a stranger, she had nothing to do.A girl's first experience is a real rape, and the roughness of a man's behavior is not uncommon.In the country, and wherever there are barbaric customs, the country maiden often loses her virginity with half-push and fear in the gutter.In any case, everywhere, in all ranks and classes, virgins are suddenly possessed by selfish lovers who seek only their own pleasure; When chastity doesn't go well, he'll even throw a fit of rage. And, no matter how polite a man may be, first penetration is always a violation.Because she longs for the touch of her lips or her breasts, or even for a more specific sexual pleasure that she has ever experienced or fantasized about, and what happens is that the man's genitals pierce the girl's body and penetrate her unwanted sexual pleasure. insertion site.Numerous writers have written of the anguish and astonishment felt by a virgin lying in the arms of her lover or husband.She thought she could finally realize her erotic dream, but in the end she felt an unexpected pain in the depths of her genitals.Her dreams were shattered, her excitement faded, and love became like surgery. In the self-reports collected by Dr. Lippmann, I found a typical example.There was a girl who grew up in a middle-class family and was very ignorant about sexual issues. "I always thought you could get pregnant by kissing. I met a gentleman when I was 18, and I fell in love with him." She used to go out with him, and he told her during the conversation that if a girl falls in love with a man , she should dedicate herself, because men cannot live without sex, and even if they cannot marry, they must use girls.She hesitated.Then he arranged a trip so that they could spend the night together... She didn't agree, but she loved him and was really at his mercy, so she followed him into a hotel and begged him not to hurt her... After a long struggle, he calmed her down, and she couldn't help but let him have his way.All she remembered was that she was shaking violently.Later, on the way, she thought it was a complete nightmare and she would wake up.She broke off with this man and didn't know another man for nine years, after which she married. In this case, taking a virgin is actually a form of rape.Yet even when it's completely voluntary, it can be painful.We all know how wild young Isadora Duncan was.She meets a handsome actor, falls in love at first sight, and is passionately pursued. Until one night, when he completely lost his self-control and crazily hugged me to the sofa, I was also sensual, feeling dizzy, and an irresistible desire to cling to him rose in my heart . In horror and ecstasy, screaming in pain, I had sex for the first time.I'll admit, my first impression was that it was terribly frightening and painful, as if someone had pulled out several of my teeth all at once.Out of great pity that he seemed to suffer too, I did not escape this torture, which at first was utterly mutilated and tormented... The next day, which at the time was a purely painful experience for me, after my martyred cries and tears Repeated again.I felt as if I was covered in bruises. It was not long before she began to enjoy—first with this lover, and later with others—the ecstasies she lyrically described. However, as before in the virgin meditation, the pain does not seem to be paramount in the actual experience: the fact of insertion is more important.Men use only their external organs during intercourse, while women are penetrated deeply inside their bodies.Doubtless many young men were not untroubled at venturing into the recesses of women, feeling again the terrors of their childhood at the mouths of caves or catacombs, and the fear of gutters, scythes, and snares. The horror they felt: An erect penis, they thought, might get hooked in a mucus-filled sheath.Once a woman is penetrated, she doesn't have this sense of danger, but she does feel that her body has been violated. The landowner asserts his right to the land, the housewife asserts her right to the dwelling—"no encroachment allowed." Frustrated by transcendence, the woman takes special care to protect what is around her: her room, her cupboard, her chest, It's all sacrosanct. Colette tells of an old whore who once said to her: "Madame, no man has ever been in my room; Paris is big enough for me to do that with men. ”即使占有不了自己的身体，她也要占有一块不许别人进入的小小的地盘。 然而少女可以声称是属于自己的，却几乎只有她的身体：它是她的最大财富；插入她的男人把它从她那里夺走；这种习惯说法被实际体验证明是有道理的。她所预料的屈辱实际上她现在正在蒙受：她被制服、被迫屈从、被征服。她和大多数物种中的雌性一样，性交时也处在雄性的下面。阿德勒认为由此产生的自卑感十分重要。从童年时起，优越与低劣的观念就是最重要的观念之一。爬树爬得高给人留下深刻印象；天堂在大地的上方，地狱则在下方； 跌落与下降是失败，而上升则是成功；摔跤时，所谓赢就是把对手的肩膀按到地上。于是，女人以失败的姿势躺着，更糟糕的是，男人骑在她身上，仿佛骑在要驯服和驾驭的牲口上面。 她永远感到被动：她被抚摸，被插入；她承受性交，而男人极力表现出主动。的确，男性器官不是一个有条纹的随意肌；它不是犁体也不是短剑，它只不过是一个肉体。然而，男人把随意运动传递于它，使它来回抽动，停而复动，而女人却在顺从地承受。正是男人在决定做爱时要采取什么姿势——尤其在女人第一次参加这种游戏时，也正是他在决定性交的延续时间和次数。她觉得自己是工具：自由完全依靠他人。有一种说法认为，女人是小提琴，男人是令她发出声响的引这种说法用诗一般语言表达的正是这个意思。巴尔扎克说：“做爱时，除非有什么灵魂问题，否则女人会像七弦琴一样，只把秘密透露给知道如何弹拨她的人。”他用她获得他的快感；他给予她快感；这两个词在暗示缺乏相互性。 女人被全面灌输了男性的情欲是光荣的，女性的性感受是可耻的退让这种习惯观念：女人的切身体验证实了这一不对称性的事实。我们不应当忘记，男女青少年认识他们身体的方式是完全不同的：男性容易接受自己的身体，并对其欲望感到骄傲；而女性尽管自恋，仍认为她的身体是一个陌生的、令她不安的负担。男性的性器官如手指一般简单灵巧；它容易看得见，常裸露在同伴们面前，被骄傲地用来进行较量。然而女性的性器官，即便是对于女人本人也是神秘的，它其实是隐蔽的、有粘液的、湿润的；它每月流一次血，常被体液弄脏，它有自己的隐秘而危险的生活。女人在它那里认不出她自己，而这解释了为什么她不承认它的欲望就是她的欲望。这种欲望的显现令她难堪。男人在“变硬”，然而女人却在“变湿”。 “湿”这个词含有对童年时尿床，对当时有罪地、不由自主地屈服于排尿要求的记忆。男人对夜间遗精也感到厌恶。射出液体，尿液或精液，不会令人感到屈辱，因为这是一种主动行为。但如果这种液体是被动流出来的，则会使人蒙受屈辱，因为那时身体不再是一个由肌肉、神经和括约肌组成的，受大脑控制并表现主体意识的机体，而宁可说是一个由惰性物质构成的器皿、容器，是一个受机械力摆布的玩物。如果身体发生渗漏，如古墙或死尸可能出现的渗漏那样，那么这就似乎是液化，而不是射出液体：一种可怕的腐烂。 女性的性欲如软体动物那般轻轻地蠕动。男人是冲动的，而女人只是在渴望。她的期待也可能变得热烈，却仍旧是被动的。男人扑向猎物时犹如鹰隼，女人在等待时却像吞食昆虫的食肉草，或淹没了孩子的泥潭。她吸收、吸引，是腐殖质、沥青和胶合物，是被动的注入口，是暗中行事的、带粘滞性的：至少她是这样朦胧感觉自己的。所以，在她心中不但有对男性征服意图的反抗，也存在着冲突。在教育和社会造成的禁忌与抑制之外，又增添了来自性体验本身的厌恶感和拒绝感：这些影响在相互加强，以至女人在第一次性交后，对她的性命运常比以前更加反感。 最后，还有一个因素常使男人受到敌意并使性行为成为严重的威胁：这就是怀孕的危险。 私生子会让未婚女人在社会上和经济上处于严重的不利地位，以至女孩子们知道自己怀孕时可能去自杀，有些未婚母亲会弄死刚出生的婴儿。这种危险的严重性给性行为造成了强有力的约束，足以使许多少女保持社会习俗所要求的婚前贞洁。即使这一约束不够强有力，少女也仍会对情人身体里潜伏着的巨大危险感到恐惧。斯特克尔在一些实例中认为，这种恐惧完全被意识到了，有时表现在性交时，例如说：“要是没事就好了！但愿是安全的！”甚至在婚后，由于健康或经济方面的原因，也可能会发生不想要孩子的情形。 如果女人对她的性伙伴，不论是情人还是丈夫，缺乏绝对信任，她的性快感将会因谨慎而丧失。她或不安地留意男人的一举一动，或在性交后被迫起身，设法清除不管她是否愿意他就射人的精子。这一卫生程序与抚摸所产生的感官魔力形成了强烈对比，使刚才还彼此愉快地结合在一起的两个身体彻底分离。在这种时刻，男性的精子好像是有害的细菌，好像是讨厌的东西；她像清洗脏器皿似的清洗自己，而男人却极其完整地躺着。一个离了婚的年轻女人对我说，在未必愉快的新婚之夜，她不得不走进浴室，而她的丈夫却在若无其事地吸着烟，这使她非常反感：好像她的婚姻从那一刻就注定要被毁灭。对射精器官和清洗的厌恶，无疑是导致女性性冷淡的常见原因。 获得比较可靠、比较不使人难堪的避孕方法，是妇女性解放的重要一步。在一个对这些进步的方法家喻户晓的国家，如美国，少女在结婚时仍是处女的人数远比法国为少。这些方法无疑允许性交时有一种比较无忧无虑的心请。但年轻女人仍必须首先克服某种厌恶，然后才能把自己身体当做一个物去对待：她不会轻易接受被男人刺穿的想法，更不会为了让他痛快就轻易听任填塞。不论是用封闭子宫的办法还是采用杀精棉，一个认识到身体与性无一定价值的女人，会对这类冷静的预防措施感到不屑一项，也有许多男人不喜欢采取这些预防措施。证明这些单独成分的合理性的，是性的整个处境：如果有关两个身体被它们具有的性冲动特质所美化，根据分析似乎是有伤风化的行为就显得是十分自然的；但反之，如果将身体和行为分析成单独的、无意义的成分，这些成分就会是粗鄙的、猥淫的。如果把插入看成是与爱人的结合、融合，就会让做爱的女人感到无比愉快；如果发生在缺乏性兴奋、欲望和快感的情况下，如事先采取预防措施时可能发生的那样，就会恢复孩子心目中那种外科手术的粗鄙性质。无论如何，并非是所有女人都能够获得这些预防措施，许多少女对防止怀孕威胁的措施一无所知，她们忧心重重地觉得，她们的命运取决于自己所委身于的男人的好意。 可以推断，布满重重障碍、充满着十分重要意义的折磨，将会引起严重的心理创伤。有时，潜在的早发性痴呆症是第一次体验造成的。斯特克尔在《女人的性冷淡》列举了一些例子，其中两个摘要如下： 一个19岁的女孩子，患了急性谵妄症，大叫她不想，她不想，并扯下自己的衣服。在诊所她安静了下来，但后来又疯得不可救药。调查表明，由于她与一个男人的不幸爱情，她与另一个男人度过了几夜，允许亲匿行为发生，虽然也许勉强保住了处女贞操。 这一切与她的教养、信念相违背，由于随之而来的冲突，她躲进了疯癫之中。 一个年轻女人因患抑郁症并产生幻觉被送进隔离病房。斯特克尔去看她时，她无法注意来访者，表情恐怖，就像是要反抗性攻击。突然她的表情变得愉快起来，嘟哝着讨人喜欢的话，这显然是在模仿勾引人时的情景。后来得知她和一个已婚男人有过性体验。 不久她病愈了，然而完全拒绝和男人们来往，甚至拒绝求婚。 在其他病例，由此引发的病症可能不会有这么严重。对失去处女贞操的悔恨可能会引起各种恐惧症。例如病人可能会毫无道理地担心，坐在马桶上会偶然受精，跳舞时甚至地上的针之类东西也会损伤处女膜。在斯特克尔列举的一个实例中，有个女孩子终于向她的未婚夫坦白了，于是同他结婚后便获痊愈。在另一个实例中，悔恨和过度自贬在无快感的委身之后接踵而至，该病人找到给她以满足并和她结婚的另一个情人后，恢复了常态。 我们在前面引述了她的童年自白的那个维也纳女孩子，向斯特克尔谈到了她的第一次成人体验。 尽管有相当多的早期体验，“发动”对她仍完全是一件新鲜事儿。简言之，在马车上，在公园中，在公寓里，她和各种男人有过二三次相当热烈的场面，她虽然感到好奇，渴望“刺激”，但都进了出来，没有失去处女贞操；此后，她在旅游时碰到一个游客，接受了他的亲吻，他们在树林里相互裸露，玩着性游戏；两天后，他不顾她的哀求，用暴力残忍地夺走了她的处女贞操。她当时以为自己订婚了，然而他讲了些粗话后，让她独自回维也纳。她流着血，哭泣着，将这事告诉给狠心的母亲，也告诉给她办公室的一位朋友。他是友好的，但他继续献殷勤，而她对他的亲匿抚摸的反应是感到“羞愧难忍”。她碰到了另一个男人，与他性交时她非常冷淡，只感到厌恶。在经历其他几次恋爱事件及在隔离病房治疗了一个疗程以后，她又遇到了一个男人，同他结了婚，她的性冷淡在婚后开始消失。 在这些从许多实例挑选出来的例子中，男人的兽性，或至少是事件的突出性，是造成心理创伤或厌恶的要素。如果没有发生暴力或意外事件，没有固定的程序或故意的拖延，少女慢慢学会了克服羞怯、了解性伙伴和享受与他做爱的欢乐，那么这对性发动是极为有利的。 根据这一观点，我们只能赞赏美国年轻妇女所享有的、而法国女孩子开始为自己争取的那种行动自由：她们几乎不知不觉地从“亲吻”和“拥抱”，发展到完全的性交。一旦性发动失去禁忌的一面，一旦女孩子较自由地对待性伙伴，一旦他的男性支配态度趋于消失，性发动就会顺利地进行下去。如果她的情人也很年轻，是个胆怯的新手，与她是平等的，女孩子的抑制就会减弱。然而在这种情况下，她变成女人将不会发生十分深刻的变化。 正因为如此，柯莱特《麦苗青青》中的万卡，在被相当粗暴地夺去处女贞操的第二天，才表现出令她的朋友菲尔吃惊的镇静：她不觉得自己是“被占有的”，相反她为自己失去了处女贞操感到自豪，并没有感觉到不知所措的惶惑。老实说，菲尔的吃惊是无道理的，因为他的爱人并未完全开始了解男性。克洛迪娜虽然只被雷诺搂着跳了一次舞，却远不能说她是平安无事的。我就认识一个尚不成熟的法国女学生，她和一个男孩子度过一夜后，一大早就跑到朋友家宣布：“我和C睡觉了，非常有趣。”一个美国大学教授告诉我，他的学生们在完全变成女人以前就不再是处女了；性伙伴对她们太尊重了，以至引不起她们的羞怯感，而他们本人又是太羞怯了，以至引不起女孩子的感情骚动。 有些少女为了排遣她们的性焦虑，一次又一次地投入性体验，希望以此来排解她们对性的好奇与热衷。然而她们的行为仍有一种抽象性，使它们和其他少女的期待未来的幻想一样不真实。由于挑战，由于恐惧，或由于清教徒式的理性主义而委身于人，不是对性的现实的真正体验：以这种方式所得到的，只不过是无太大风险或味道的替代物。性行为之所以要摆脱焦虑或羞耻，是因为在这种情况下感情冲动仍是表面的，肉体并未产生极度的欲望。这些被夺走贞操的处女仍然是少女，而且很可能在直接面对一个好色的、专横的男人时，会产生处女的厌恶。同时她们在某种程度仍处在尚未成熟的青春期，抚摸令她们发痒，亲吻常使她们发笑，她们将做爱看做一场游戏，而且，如果她们偶尔有兴致进行这种消遣，情人的要求马上就会显得粗鲁、强求，她们仍有着厌恶感、恐惧症和少女的羞怯。如果她们始终不能超越这一阶段（根据美国人的看法，许多美国女人永远不会超越），她们一生都会处在半性冷淡的状态。真正的性成熟，只能在女人完全接受以性的欲望和快感的形式出现的肉体时才会发现。 然而，这并不是说性欲强的女人就没有什么困难了。事实可能完全相反。女性的性兴奋可以达到男人所不知晓的强烈程度。男性的性兴奋是强烈的，然而却是局部的，而且，也许除了在性高潮那一刻，它使男人完全在主宰自己。而女人则完全失去了理智，对许多人来说，这一效应是做爱进入最明确的亢进时刻的标志，但它也有一种不可思议的可怕性质。男人有时可能会害怕他所拥抱的女人，她疯得那么厉害，深受失常之害。和男性的攻击性狂乱造成的失常相比，她所经历的骚动会使她的失常变得更为严重。她狂热得在那一刻忘记了羞耻，但事后一想到这就感到可耻和害怕。要愉快甚至自豪地接受这种情况，她就必须自由地舒展于快感的兴奋之中。只有她的欲望得到极大的满足，她才能承认它们：否则她会愤怒地加以否认。