Chapter 17 Chapter 12 Girl (Part 2)-2

In a gender-equal society, women will see menstruation as merely a special way of entering adult life.Both men and women have other unpleasant needs that their bodies need to attend to.But these are easy to adapt, because we all have these needs, they are not a stain on anyone.The reason why menstruation arouses fear in the girl entering puberty is that it places her in an inferior, defective category.This lowering of social status made her feel heavy depression.If she hadn't lost her human self-respect, she'd still be proud of a bleeding body.And if she can successfully maintain this kind of self-esteem, her sense of humiliation to her body will be greatly weakened.A young girl who has carved out for herself a path of transcendence through physical, social, intellectual and religious activity will not perceive her sexuality as an expression of inadequacy and will easily transcend it.If the girl is often neurotic at this stage, it is because she feels helpless in the face of a fate that has already subjected her to unimaginable torments.In her view, her femininity meant sickness, pain, and death, a fate she was deeply troubled by.

A patient named Molly described by Helen Deutsch is a typical illustration of this anxiety.The summary is as follows: Molly began to suffer from a psychological disorder at the age of 14.She is the fourth of five children in her family.Her father was said to have been extremely severe and narrow-minded.At meals, he was always making comments about the child's appearance and manners.Mother was worried and unhappy.Whenever this kind of thing happens, parents often can't talk about it together.A brother ran away from home.Molly is a very talented little guy who can tap dance very well.But she was timid, took family disputes seriously, and was afraid of boys.She was interested in her sister's pregnancy, knew the details, and heard that women often die in childbirth.She took care of the baby for two months.When the older sister left the house, there was another quarrel at home, and the mother passed out.Most of Molly's thoughts have to do with separation, fainting and death.

Molly started menstruating a few months ago, her mother said.Embarrassed by the incident, she said to her mother, "Here it comes." She went to buy toilet paper with her sister, and she bowed her head when she met a man on the way.In short, she appeared to "dislike herself".She never felt bad about her period, but she always tried to hide it from her mother, even when she saw the stain on the sheets.She said to her sister, "Anything can happen to me now. I could get pregnant." Her sister told her, "For this to happen, I have to live with a man." She replied, "I'm not living with two Do men live together?—my father and your husband."

The father forbade his daughters to go out at night because soldiers were stationed in the town and there were rumors of rape.These worries made Molly think that men are very scary things.Since her first period, her anxieties about being pregnant and dying in childbirth had grown so great that she soon refused to leave her room, and now sometimes lies in bed all day long.If she went out, she would "shake all over" at the thought of leaving the vicinity of her home.She was always on the alert, listening for voices, worried that someone might break into the house.She often cried, daydreamed, and wrote poetry.In order not to pass out, she ate in fits and starts.She was terrified of getting in a car, unable to go to school, and unable to lead a normal life.

Nancy's medical history was similar, but instead of a problem with menarche, it involved the little girl's anxieties about herself. When the little girl was almost 13 years old, her relationship with her sister was very close. When her sister was secretly engaged and later married, she was very proud of being able to learn the secret: sharing the secret of heaven and man was tantamount to being recognized by adults.She lived with her sister for a while.But when her sister told her she was going to "buy" a baby, Nancy felt jealous of her brother-in-law and the baby she was about to have: people were still treating her like a child and playing tricks on her, and she couldn't stand it.She began to feel discomfort in her body and wanted to have an operation to remove her appendix.The operation went well, but Nancy has been manic and restless during the hospital stay.She throws a tantrum at a nurse she doesn't like; she tries to seduce the doctor by saying she "knows everything" and asks him to spend the night with her - maybe knowing he won't, but hoping he'll admit she's a grown-up .She blamed herself, saying she was responsible for the death of her little brother a few years ago.In particular, she insisted that her appendix had not been removed, or had not been removed completely.She claims she swallowed a coin, possibly to force X-rays of her.

This desire for surgery, especially appendix removal, is often encountered at this age.In this way, teenage girls acted out their fantasies about rape, pregnancy, and childbirth.They feel that there is a faint threat inside their bodies, and they hope that the surgeon will rescue them from the inexplicable danger that is bound to happen. It is not only the appearance of menstruation that announces to the girl the coming of her destiny as a woman.There were also other ambiguous phenomena in her.Until now, her erotic drive has been expressed in the clitoris.It's hard to tell if masturbation is less common among girls than among boys.She masturbated during the first two years of life, and even from the first few months.She seems to have given up masturbation around the age of two and started again later.Anatomically, the penis, rooted in the male flesh, is more alluring to the touch than the hidden mucous zone.But casual contact—a child climbing a rope or tree, or riding a bicycle—the friction of clothing, the touch of play, or even the abetting of peers, older children, or grown-ups can often make a girl aware of what she is trying to use. The hand reproduces the feeling.

At any rate, this pleasure, once acquired, becomes an independent feeling: it has the lighthearted, innocent quality of all children's games.The girl hardly connects this personal enjoyment with her womanly destiny.Her sexual relations with boys, if any, were primarily out of curiosity.At this time, she felt flustered, excited, involuntary, and she didn't know herself.The sensitivity of her erogenous zones is developing, and a woman has so many erogenous zones that her whole body can be seen as an erogenous zone.This fact is shown to her by the caresses of family members, the innocent kisses, the careless touch of a tailor, doctor, or barber, by the hands of friends on her head or the nape of her neck.In sexual games, in tussles with boys or girls, she learns and often seeks intense excitement.This was the case with Gilbertin's scuffle with Proust on the Champs-Elysées.She felt a strange tenderness in the arms of her partner as she danced under her mother's unsuspecting gaze.Therefore, even virgins who are strictly protected have experienced more specific experiences.

In "educated" circles there is a unanimous silence about such regrets.However, touches from family friends, uncles, cousins, not to mention grandfathers and fathers, are rarely as harmless as mothers imagine.A teacher, a priest, or a doctor, can be reckless and inappropriate.Accounts of such experiences can be found in Violet Leduc's "Suffocation", S. de Tevagni's "Mother's Resentment", Yasu Goclele's "Blue Oranges" and Found in Casanova's Memoirs.In addition, Stekel believes that grandfathers and grandfathers are often very dangerous figures.

I was 15 years old that year.The day before the funeral, my grandfather came to live with us.The next morning, after my mother got up, he came over to play with me in bed.I got up immediately and ignored him... From then on, I started to be afraid of men. Another teenage girl had vivid memories of a severe shock she received at age 8 or 10.At that time, her grandfather, a 70-year-old man, inserted his fingers into her genitals and fumbled for a while.The child was in great pain, but dared not bring it up.Since then, she has been terrified of everything related to sex. Little girls usually keep their mouths shut about such things out of shame.Moreover, even when I told my parents, their reaction was often to blame her: "Don't mention it", "You are so nasty".She also keeps quiet about some of the strange behavior of strangers.A girl described the following situation to Dr. Lippmann:

We rented a basement from a shoemaker.When our landlord was home alone, he used to come to me and take me in his arms and hold me for a long time, jerking back and forth.Also, instead of kissing my surface, he stuck his tongue into my mouth.I hate him so much because of his behavior.But I don't say a word about such things, I'm terrified. In addition to daredevil partners and crooked friends, little girls get knees on her at the movie theater; hands slide along her legs on the train at night; Follow her on the road; Some people hugged her, and some people touched her secretly.She was oblivious to the implications of these risky moves. The mind of a 15-year-old girl is often messed up, because her theoretical knowledge cannot be combined with these practical experiences. She has experienced all the strong impulses of stimulated senses and desires, but she believes that, like Francis Jam A man's kiss can make her a mother, like Clara Dayronberser.Clara, despite her relatively accurate knowledge of genital structure, believed her agitation when her partner embraced her was caused by a migraine.

Undoubtedly, the knowledge of girls is richer now than in the past.But some psychiatrists believe that many girls who have entered puberty are still ignorant of the functions of the genitals other than the function of urination.In short, they see little of the relationship between their sexual drive and their genitals, since there are no more obvious signs of a relationship between the two than male erections.Between their romantic daydreams of men, that is, love, and certain vulgar facts of what they knew, there was a great gulf that was hard to bridge.Ted Meunier said she and some friends swore to figure out what a man's body was made of and then report to each other: Deliberately breaking into my father's room without knocking, I made the following report: "It looks like a mutton-leg-shaped sleeve; that is, like a roller, with a round thing on it." It's hard to understand. I drew one picture, but actually three.Everyone snatched one, shrunk their necks, glanced at it for a while, laughed, and then sank into dreams... How can innocent girls like us combine such a thing with sentimental songs, beautiful and romantic songs? Stories tied together?Where love is made entirely of respect, shyness, sighs, and kisses of the hand, and is thus sublimated to the point of castration! Yet, through reading, talking, and seeing, the girl gives meaning to her physical turmoil.She becomes very touching and lustful.In and through her arousal, agitation, wetness and vague inappropriateness, her body reveals new and disturbing sides.The young man openly welcomes his sexuality because he happily accepts his masculine status.His sexual desire, aggressive and rapacious in nature; there he sees the affirmation of his own subjectivity and transcendence; he flaunts it before his fellows; his sexual organ remains his proud embodiment .The impulse which drives him to approach the woman is of the same type as the impulse which drives him to face the world, and it is in both that he recognizes himself.On the contrary, the little girl's sexual activity is always secret; as soon as her sexual drive changes and invades her whole body, its mystery becomes extremely painful: she suffers from this disturbance, as in Suffering from some ignominious disease.It is not active, but a state that cannot be voluntarily eliminated even by imagination.She does not dream of possessing, shaping, and violating, her role is that of waiting and longing.She feels attached, she smells danger in her alienated flesh. Because of her boundless hopes, her dream of passive happiness reveals to her that her body is clearly an object destined to belong to another, and she is happy to realize sexual experience only in terms of its interiority.What she craved was the touch of another's hands, mouth, and flesh, not the hands, mouth, and flesh of this person.She leaves the image of her sexual partner in the shadows, or in the fog of ideals.However, she couldn't get rid of his image haunting her.Her childish fear and aversion to men is more ambiguous and more painful than before.Previously, these emotions had come from the complete separation of her childhood organism from her adult future; now they had their roots in the complexities that the young girl felt in her flesh.She realizes that she is destined to be possessed, so she desires to be possessed, and at the same time she hates her desire.She desires and dreads the passivity that is willing to be the prey.naked.The thought of being in the presence of a man excited her immensely; but she also thought that then she would be alone under his gaze.The hand that seized and touched her was more imperious and demanding than his eyes: she was more frightened.However, the clearest and most heinous symbol of physical possession is penetration by the male genitals.The girl resented the thought that someone could poke a hole in the body she identified with like a hole in leather, or tear it like a piece of cloth.However, compared with this injury and the pain that followed, what disgusted the girl even more was that she should bear this injury and pain.A teenage girl once said to me, "It's horrible to think of being pierced by a man." It's not the fear of the phallic penis that causes the fear of men, but the fear is a confirmation and a symbol of that fear.In a more general state of mind, the idea of ​​"penetration" has acquired obscene and humiliating connotations.This meaning, in turn, is the main ingredient of this idea. The girl's anxiety manifests itself in tormenting nightmares and haunting visions: when she feels a sinister and seductive will in her heart, she is haunted by the idea of ​​being raped in many cases.This idea manifests itself in dreams and in behavior through more or less stereotyped symbols.Before going to bed, the girl looked under the bed, lest she find some malicious thief hiding there.She seems to have heard a thief in the house; a villain broke in through the window and was about to stab her with a sharp knife. Men more or less frightened her.She was beginning to feel a certain distaste for her father; the smell of his cigarettes had become unbearable, and she hated going to the bathroom after him.This physical revulsion is often felt even when she still feels affectionate towards her father.The child pretends to be angry, as if she had become hostile to her father, as often happens with sisters.Psychiatrists say they often find young patients dreaming about being raped by a man in the presence of an older woman who gives her permission.Obviously, they are symbolically asking their mothers to allow them to succumb to their desires. This is because of a very odious repression they are subject to, namely, the repression of hypocrisy."Pureness," "innocence," is demanded of the young girl at the very moment when she discovers in herself and all around her the mysterious turmoil of life and sex.She should be as white as snow and crystal clear as jade.She wore thin organdy, her room was tastefully furnished, her voice was lowered when she approached, and she was not allowed to read pornographic books.However, there is no "good girl" who does not indulge in "hateful" thoughts and desires.She tried hard to keep them hidden from her best friends, and even from herself.She wishes to live and think only in accordance with laws.Her distrust of herself made her look sly, unhappy, and sad.And then, nothing could be more difficult for her than to overcome these inhibitions. At the same time, no matter how much she restrained herself, she still felt overwhelmed by inexplicable transgressive thoughts.She went through this process of becoming a woman not only in shame but also in remorse. Understandably, immature puberty can be a time of painful turmoil for girls.She doesn't want to remain a child.But the adult world can seem daunting and obnoxious.As Colette Odry puts it: Therefore, I look forward to growing up, but I have never seriously thought about a life like the grown-ups I have seen... So, I have been thinking in my heart, what if I can grow up and never accept adults? Such a status, how good it would be.I don't want to join the ranks of parents, housekeepers, housewives and parents. The girl wants to be free from her mother's shackles, yet feels a strong need for her protection.This asylum was necessary because of a series of escapades.Such as masturbation, ambiguous friendship and reading improper books caused heavy mental pressure on her. The following letter, quoted by Helen Deutsch, from a fifteen-year-old girl, is typical: My mother made me wear a dress to the W's big ball—the first dress I ever wore.I refused to wear it, she was surprised. I begged her to let me wear the short pink dress one last time.I am very scared.This dress makes me feel as if my mother is going away and I don't know when she will come back.Isn't that stupid?Sometimes she looks at me like I'm a little girl.Ah, if only she knew! She would keep me chained to the house and despise me. In The Frigidity of Women by Stekel we find a good account of a woman's childhood.There is a detailed confession of a Viennese girl (Buckfitch) at the age of 21, which embodies all the phenomena we have studied separately.Here is the summary: "At the age of five, I chose Richard as my partner, a boy of six or seven years... I have wondered for a long time how to tell if a child is a boy or a girl. I was told that according to Earrings... or by the nose. It seemed to satisfy me, but I always felt like they were hiding something from me. Suddenly, Richard said he wanted to pee... so I wanted to lend him my potty... …I was so excited when I saw his organ, something I had never seen before: "What's that growing in there? Oh my God, how beautiful! I want to grow something like that too." So I grabbed the organ and held it lovingly...my aunt's cough startled us...from Since that day, our actions and games have been very careful." At the age of 9, she and two other boys, who were 8 and 10 years old, played the games "Marry" and "Doctor".they touched her pussy; One day, one of the boys touched her with his genitals and said that was what her parents did when they were married. "It made me very angry: 'Oh, no! They would never do such a nasty thing!'' She kept up the game for a long time, and had a very erotic friendship with the two boys.One day, her aunt caught her on the spot, lost her temper, and threatened to send her to a juvenile correctional school.She is forbidden to associate with her favorite Arthur, and she suffers from it.Her homework grades dropped, her handwriting was crooked, and her eyes became squinted.She begins a new affair with Walter and Franz. "Walter became the object of all my desires and affections. When I sat or stood across from him, pretending to be busy with my homework, I submissively allowed him to put his hand under my skirt. As long as my mother... ...As soon as he opened the door, he would immediately withdraw his hand. Of course I was busy with my homework...During this time, we also did things like husband and wife. But I didn't allow him to stay too long. Whenever he felt that he intervened Come into my place and I'll pull myself out and say someone's coming... I don't think it's 'guilty'" My childhood friendships with boys are over now and all that's left are girlfriends.I like Amy very much, she is a well-mannered and well-educated girl.We exchanged gold-plated heart necklace lockets with our initials engraved on them one Christmas, I think we were about 12 years old, as tokens of our 'engagement', vows of eternal fidelity to each other,' Never leave till death'.I owe most of my training to Amy, who also taught me a few things about sex.As early as fifth grade, I had serious doubts about the idea that storks brought babies into the world.In my opinion, the child is produced in the body, and before the child is born, the abdomen must be opened.She filled me with a peculiar fear of masturbation.In school, the Gospels have had their share of opening our eyes on certain sexual issues.For example, when Mary went to Elizabeth, the child was said to be 'beating in her womb'.We read other similar noteworthy passages in the Bible and underlined those words.After the teacher found out, almost all the conduct of the class was marked with a 'black spot'. My girlfriend also told me that in Schiller's "The Robber", there is a reference to the 'sign of the ninth month'... Amy's father moved away from where we lived, so I became a one person.We communicated with each other using cryptography that only the two of us could read.However, I felt very lonely, and finally fell in love with Haider, a Jewish girl.Once, Amy met me leaving school with Haider, and she lost her temper out of jealousy... My friendship with Haider lasted until I was admitted to the business school.We became close friends. We both dreamed of being smoke sisters because I fell in love with one of her brothers.He is a student.Whenever he talks to me, I get flustered and don't answer the question.In the evening, we sat in the music room, huddled together on the small sofa, and when he played the piano, I often cried for no reason. " "Before I became friends with Haider, I went to school with a girl named Ella, a poor man's daughter, for several weeks. Once, she met her parents in 'tete-a-tete' [alone Meeting]. It was the creaking of the bed that woke her up... She came to tell me that her father was lying on top of her mother, and her mother was making terrible noises. So my father said to my mother: "Go and wash and everything will be fine!" 'After this, I was very angry with her father, avoiding him on the road, and I felt great sympathy for her mother. (If she yelled like that, he must have hurt her pretty badly!)" "I was talking to another girl about how long that male organ might be.I have heard that it is 12 to 15 cm long.In embroidery class at school, we took a tape measure and measured this length on our belly, up to the navel.This scares us.If we were married, wouldn't we be pierced! " She saw a male dog excited by the approach of a bitch and felt a strange commotion inside her. "If I see a stallion pissing on the road, my eyes are fixed on the wet spot on the ground. I'm sure I'm always impressed with how long he pissed," she added. Pay special attention to mating flies and mating livestock in rural areas. "When I was 12, I had a severe case of tonsillitis. A very nice doctor was brought in. He sat on my bed and after a while he put his hand under the covers and almost touched my genitals. I yelled, 'Don't be so disrespectful!' My mother rushed in and the doctor was embarrassed. He said I was a very nasty guy and that he just wanted to screw my calf. I was forced to ask his forgiveness... I finally started menstruating. My father lost his temper once when he saw the bloody laundry. How could a clean man like him have to live among these filthy women? . . . I think, because there It's unfair to blame me for menstruation." At the age of 15, she and another girl communicated in sketches, "so that no one else could read our scribbled letters. The letters told a lot about being conquered by love. From the toilet wall, she gave I have copied many verses. I have noticed one line in particular. It seems to me that the love that is so high in my fantasy has been dragged into the mud. The line is: "What is the highest goal of love? On a stalk I'm determined not to get into that situation. A man who loves a young girl doesn't ask her to do that." "When I was 15 and a half, I had a new brother. I was so jealous. Because I was always the only child in the family. My friends reminded me to observe 'how a baby boy is made', but I tried my best and couldn't. Couldn't give her a satisfactory answer... I couldn't have looked that way. About this time, another girl described to me the scene of the wedding night... I think I made up my mind to get married then, Because I was curious. Just being 'panting like a stallion' - that's how she referred to it in her description - hit my aesthetic sense... Which of us girls wouldn't want to marry at that time, in a beloved How about undressing in front of your husband and putting him on the bed? How exciting it is!" It might be countered that—though the condition is normal and not a pathology—that the child is an exceptional "perversion"; Just pay attention.Even if the curiosity and desire of the "educated" girl are not expressed in action, they exist in the form of fantasies and games.I once knew a young girl who was devout and strangely innocent.Later, she became a real woman, very maternal and very loyal.But it was she who, trembling with excitement, said to her sister one evening: "It would be a wonderful thing to undress in front of a man! Let you pretend to be my husband!" Then she undressed, excitedly trembling.No amount of education can prevent the little girl from becoming conscious of her own body, nor from contemplating her own destiny; the best it can do is to severely repress her, which will later become a burden to her sexual life. burden. On the contrary, an ideal education should teach her to accept herself without complacency or shame. We now understand the dramatic conflicts that a young girl endures during adolescence: she cannot become "adult" without accepting her femininity; punished her for the very existence that now confronts her in the form of a nasty disease and a vague sin.Her inferiority, at first felt only as a deprivation; but now the lack of a penis becomes defilement and crime.So, she is wounded, shamed, and guilty as she steps forward into the future.