Chapter 184 Volume 5 The Magical Use of Suffering

Life became severe for Marius.Eating your own clothes and your own watch is nothing.He also eats that indescribable thing people call "crazy cows."This dreadful thing contains days without bread, nights without sleep, evenings without candles, stoves without fire, weeks without work, futures without hope, dresses with holes in the elbows, shabby hats that make the girls laugh , doors closed at night for unpaid rent, the arrogance of porters and innkeepers, the teasing of neighbors, humiliation, ruined dignity, any work forced upon them, disgust, distress, weariness.Marius learned how to swallow these things, and that there was often nothing else to swallow.He was at a time when a man needs self-respect because he needs love, and feels himself mocked for his shabby clothes and ridiculous for his poverty.Youth fills you with ambition at that age, and he, looking down at his perforated boots more than once, recognized all the unfair stigmas and heart-piercing shame that poverty caused. .A gratifying and dreadful test by which the weak-willed can be made vile and the strong can be transformed into greatness.Whenever fate calls for a villain or a hero, it drops a man into this test cup.

For in small struggles there are often many great activities.There are often acts of obstinate and unrecognized bravery that keep men in the dark against the deadly assaults of necessities and hideous motives.A noble and secret victory is not seen by any eye, nor by any reputation, nor by any drum.Life, misery, loneliness, abandonment, poverty, these are battlegrounds, and they have their heroes, the unsung heroes, sometimes greater than the great ones. This is how strong and rare characters are created. Misery is often a stepmother, but sometimes it is also a loving mother. Misery breeds strength of soul and spirit. Disaster is the proud nurse, and disaster is the good milk of the hero.

There was a period in Marius' life when he swept the stairs himself, went to the fruit shop to buy a sou of Brie, sometimes waited until dark to buy a loaf of bread at the baker's shop, and returned secretly In his attic, the bread seems to have been stolen by him.Sometimes a clumsy young man with a few books under one arm is seen, shy and impertinent, slipping into the butcher's shop on the corner, and crowding the kitchens who speak ill of him and push him about. Among the ladies, he took off his hat as soon as he entered the door, sweat dripped from his forehead, bowed deeply to the flattered proprietress, and then made another salute to the butcher, asking for a piece of lamb ribs for six or seven He took a sou, wrapped it in a piece of paper, and walked away with two books under his arm.This man was Marius.With this rib, he can live for three days after cooking it himself.

On the first day, he ate meat, on the second day, he ate oil, and on the third day, he ate bones. Aunt Gillenormand tried many times to give him the sixty pistols.Marius drew back each time, saying he wanted nothing. We talked about his inner revolution earlier, when he was still mourning for his father.Since then, he has never left his black clothes.But the clothes left him.In the end, he didn't even have a jacket anymore.Only one pair of trousers was passable.How to do it?He had done several things for Courfeyrac before, and Courfeyrac gave him an old jacket at this time.For thirty sous, Marius had it turned over by any porter, and it became a new dress again.But this dress is green.Marius went out only after dark.So his clothes will be black.He wants to be in mourning forever, so he wears night as his mourning.

During this time he has been accepted as a lawyer.He claimed to live in the room in Courfeyrac, which was originally an elegant room. There were also a certain number of legal books in it, plus some incomplete novels. collection of books.His correspondence address was this room in Courfeyrac. After Marius became a lawyer, he wrote a letter informing his grandfather of the news, which was cold, but also full of obedience.M. Gillenormand read the letter with trembling hands, tore it into four pieces, and threw them into the wastebasket.Two or three days later, Mademoiselle Gillenormand heard her father talking loudly, alone in his bedroom.It's always like that when he's very emotional.She heard the old man say: "If you are not a fool, you should know that one cannot be a baron and a lawyer at the same time."