Chapter 183 Six dilemmas

This evening's conversation had shaken Marius deeply, and left a dark shadow of melancholy in his heart.He may feel as the earth feels when a grain of wheat is torn apart with an iron tool, and it feels only the wound, and the trembling and fruiting joy of the seed will not come until later. Marius was gloomy.He built up a belief for himself, that was not long ago, should he abandon it?He said no to himself.He told himself that he did not want to doubt, but he had begun to doubt involuntarily.To be in two faiths, one not yet out, the other not in, is unbearable, and such an evening can only delight a bat-like man.Marius was a man of clear eyes, and he must see the real sunshine, and the half-light between doubts and beliefs pained him.No matter how much he asks himself to stop and persist there, he is still helplessly forced to move on, to study, to think, to go a little further.Where would this power take him?He had traveled so far to get close to his father, and now that he might have to leave him again, he couldn't help but feel a little panicked.The more thoughts came to his mind, the heavier his distress became.He felt that precipices and perilous paths had opened up all around him.He disagreed with neither his grandfather nor his friends, with the former he was ambitious, with the latter he lagged behind, and he admitted that he was isolated either on the side of the elders or on the side of the youth.He doesn't go to the Café Meuchan anymore.

During this turmoil, he hardly gave a second thought to certain important aspects of his life.The realities of life cannot be ignored.It suddenly came to him and met him face to face. One morning the innkeeper came into Marius' room and said to him: "Monsieur Courfeyrac said he was in charge of your affairs?" "yes." "But I have to be rich." "Courfeyrac, please come and talk to me," said Marius. Courfeyrac came and the boss left them.Marius told him all that he had not thought to tell him, that he was alone in the world, without relatives or acquaintances.

"What are you going to do?" said Courfeyrac. "I don't know at all," replied Marius. "What do you want to do?" "I don't know at all." "Do you have money?" "Fifteen francs." "Shall I lend you some?" "Absolutely not." "Do you have clothes?" "that's it." "Have you anything of value?" "There is a watch." "silvery?" "Golden. This is it." "I know a dress merchant who can buy you this riding jacket and a pair of trousers."

"OK." "All you have left is a pair of trousers, a vest, a hat and a jacket." "And these boots." "Why! You don't walk barefoot? How rich!" "That's enough." "I know a watchmaker who will buy your watch." "OK." "No, not necessarily. What will you do next?" "Do what you have to do. As long as it's honest, at least." "Do you understand English?" "don't know." "Do you understand German?" "don't know." "Then there's no need to talk about it."

"why?" "Because I have a friend who runs a bookstore and is compiling an encyclopedia dictionary. If you have the ability, you can translate some German or English materials for it. The salary is small, but it is enough to survive." "I'm here to learn English and German." "What do you do when you're studying?" "When I was studying, I ate my clothes and watch." They found the clothing merchant.He bought the jersey for twenty francs.They went to the watchmaker's shop, and he bought the watch, paying forty-five francs. "It's not bad," Marius said to Courfeyrac on their way back to the hotel; "with my fifteen francs, that's eighty francs."

"And the hotel bill?" Courfeyrac reminded him. "Well, I forgot," said Marius. Marius immediately paid the innkeeper's bill, which amounted to seventy francs. "I have only ten francs left," said Marius. "Damn it," said Courfeyrac, "you have to eat five francs for English and five francs for German. That is to say, read your books as fast as you can, and eat that hundred-sou silver coin as slowly as possible." .” At this moment, Aunt Gillenormand--she is actually a person who softens her heart when she sees other people's difficulties--finally found Marius' lodging.One morning, returning from school, Marius found a letter from his aunt and sixty pistols, that is to say, six hundred gold francs, sealed in a box.

Marius returned the sum to his aunt in full, enclosing a deferential letter in which he said that he had the means of earning a living, and that he was able to satisfy all his needs from now on.And at that time he had only three francs left. Regarding this refusal, the aunt did not mention it to his grandfather at all, for fear that he would become even more angry.Besides, he had already said: "Never mention this vampire to me again!" Marius had moved out of the Hotel Porte Saint-Jacques, not wanting to be in debt there.