Chapter 26 Chapter 26

What happened after that fateful night, you know as well as I do, but you don't know, and you can't imagine, what I suffered after our parting. I know that your father has taken you away, but I don't quite believe that you can live without me for a long time. I was very excited when I met you on the Champs Elysees that day, but I was not surprised. And then began the series of days in which every day you had to come up with some new way of insulting me, which I could say I took with pleasure, because except that it was proof that you always loved me , I seem to feel that the more you torture me, the more noble I will appear in your eyes when you know the truth.

Do not marvel at my joyous sacrifice, Armand, for your former love for me has opened my heart to noble passions. But I didn't become so strong all of a sudden. There is a long time between my sacrifice for you and your return, during which time I need to resort to physical fatigue in order not to drive myself crazy, to anesthetize myself in the kind of life I have thrown myself into .Prudence has told you, hasn't she?I've been like a holiday, I go to all the dances and parties. How I longed to die soon, after such an excess of orgies; and, I trust that this wish will soon be fulfilled, my health was doubtless growing worse.I was exhausted physically and spiritually when I asked Madame Duvernoy to beg your mercy.

I do not want to tell you, Armand, how you rewarded me when I proved my love to you for the last time, and what insults you used to drive this woman out of Paris.This dying woman feels irresistible when she hears your voice asking for a night of love, like someone who lost her mind and thought for a moment that this night could reconnect the past and the present.Armand, you have the right to do what you have done, and the price is not always so high when someone spends the night with me! So I abandoned everything, and Olimp took my place at M. N., and I was told that she had told him the reasons for my leaving Paris. The Earl G. is in London, and he is the sort of man who sees a love affair with a girl like me only as a pleasant diversion.He always kept friends with the women he had been with, neither held grudges nor jealousy, in short he was a rich man, he only opened the corner of his heart to us, but his wallet was open to us of.I immediately thought of him, went to him, and he received me with great hospitality, but he already had a mistress there, a woman of high society.He was afraid that it would be bad for him to publicize the matter with me, so he introduced me to his friends.They invited me to supper, and after supper, one of them took me away.

What do you want me to do, my friend? Suicide?This can lead to unnecessary guilt over what should be a happy life; besides, why would a dying person commit suicide? I became a body without a soul, a thing without a thought, and for a while I lived this life like a corpse, and then I returned to Paris and asked for news of you, and that's when I learned that you had gone away.I don't get any support and my life is back to what it was two years ago when I met you I want to get the duke back but I broke this man's heart too much and old people are impatient Yes, probably because they don't think they are immortal.My condition is getting worse, I am pale, I am sad, I am getting thinner, and the man who buys love has to see the goods before picking them up.There are women in Paris who are healthier and busier than me, and people kind of forget about me, and that's what happened before today.

Now I'm totally sick.I have written to the duke asking for money, for I have no money, and the creditors have come, without any sympathy, to force me to pay with IOUs.Will the duke write me back?Armand, why are you not in Paris!If you were here, you would come to see me, and I would be comforted by your presence. December 20 The weather is terrible, it's snowing, I'm alone at home, I've been running a high fever for three days, and I haven't written you a single word.There is nothing new, my friend, every day I dream of getting a letter from you, but it has not come, and it certainly never will.Only a man can harden his heart and not forgive.The duke did not reply to my letter.

Prudence began pawning again. I kept coughing up blood.what!If you see me, it will be hard for you.You are very happy in a sunny and mild climate, unlike me, with a winter of ice and snow all over my chest.Today I got up for a while, and through the curtains, I saw the Parisian life outside the window, which I had already insulated from.A few familiar faces trotted across the street, cheerful and carefree, and not one of them looked up at my window.But there were also a few young people who came and left their names.There was a time in the past when I was sick and you came every morning to inquire about how I was doing, and you didn't know me then, you just got a rudeness from me when I first met you reception.I am sick again now, we have been together for six months, I have given you all the love that a woman's heart can hold and can give.You are far away, you are cursing me, I cannot get a word of comfort from you.But it was fate that caused you to abandon me in this way, I am sure of it, because if you were in Paris you would not leave my bedside and my room.

December 25 My doctor forbids me to write letters every day.Indeed, looking back only serves to heat up my heat.But yesterday I received a letter which comforted me a little and pleased me more with the sentiments it expressed than with the material assistance it brought me.So I can write to you today.This letter is from your father.The following is the content of the letter. lady: I have just learned that you are ill, and if I were in Paris, I would come to inquire about you myself, and if my son was with me, I would send him to inquire about you; but I cannot leave C, Armand It was six or seven hundred leagues away.Please allow me to write a simple letter to you.Madam, I am very sorry for your illness, please believe me, I sincerely wish you a speedy recovery.

A good friend of mine, Mr. H, is going to your home, please receive him.I have asked him to do something for me, and I am anxiously awaiting the outcome of this matter. Kindest regards. This is the letter I received, your father has a noble heart, you must love him, my friend, because there are not many people in the world who are worthy of love, this letter signed his name is more famous than us All the medicines prescribed by your doctor are much more effective. M. H. came this morning, and he seemed perplexed by the delicate task entrusted to him by M. Duval, to bring me a thousand crowns for your father.At first I didn't want it, but Mr. H told me that if I didn't take it, it would make Mr. Duval unhappy. Mr. Duval authorized him to give me the money first, and then to meet my other needs.I accept this help, which is not a handout from your father.If I am dead when you come back, please show him what I have just written about him, and tell him that the poor girl to whom he kindly wrote his condolences was writing these lines. We shed tears of gratitude and prayed to God for him.

January 4th I just had some really miserable days.I never thought the flesh could cause such pain.Ah!O my past life!Today I paid back double. Every night someone tended to me and I couldn't breathe.In this way I spent the rest of my poor life talking and coughing. The dining room was filled with sweets and presents of all kinds from friends.Among these people, there must be some who hope that I will be their mistress in the future.If they saw what the disease had done to me, I think they would run away in fright. Prudence used the New Year's presents I received to gift. The weather was freezing cold, and the doctor told me that if the weather stays sunny, I can go out for a walk in a few days.

January 8 I went out in my car yesterday and the weather was fine.The Champs Elysees is crowded with people, it is really a bright early spring.There is a happy atmosphere all around.It never occurred to me that I could still find in the sun the joy, warmth and comfort of yesterday. I met almost all the acquaintances who were always smiling and busy with their fun.There are so many people who don't know how to be blessed in the blessing!Olimp passed by in a handsome carriage that Mr. N had given her, and she wanted to insult me ​​with her eyes.She doesn't know that I don't have any vanity at all now.A kind young man, an old acquaintance of mine, asked me if I would like to have supper with him, and he said that he had a friend who wanted to know me very much.

I smiled wryly, and stretched out my burning hot hand to him. I've never seen anyone look as terrified as he is. I got home at four o'clock with a fairly good appetite for dinner. This trip is good for me. How wonderful it will be once I recover from my illness! Some people were still empty of soul the day before, praying to die early in the gloomy ward, but after seeing other people's happy lives, they actually had a hope to continue living. January 10 Hope for recovery is nothing more than a dream.I lay down again, covered in ointment that burned me sorely.The body that was hard to buy in the past is probably worthless today! We must have committed too many sins in the previous life, or we will enjoy all the glory in the next life, so God will make us experience the torment of atonement and tempering in this life. January 20 I've been having a hard time. Earl N sent me money yesterday, but I did not accept it.I don't want anything from this person, it's because of him that you are not by my side. Oh!What a beautiful day we had at Bougival!Where are you at the moment? If I ever get out of this room alive, I'm bound to pay homage to the house we lived together, but it looks like I'll just have to be carried out. Who knows if I can still write to you tomorrow? January 25 It's been eleven nights that I haven't slept well, I've been suffocated, and every moment I've thought I was going to die.The doctor told me not to write again.Julie Dupra was with me, and she allowed me to write a few lines with you.Won't you come back before I die?Is this the end of our relationship forever?I seem to think that as long as you come, my illness will be cured.But what's the use of getting well? January 28 This morning I was woken up by a loud noise.Julie, who was sleeping in my room, immediately ran to the dining room.I heard Juli arguing with some men, but it was no use, she came back crying. They're here to seal it up.I told Julie to let them do what they call justice.The bailiff came into my room with his hat on.He opened all the drawers and registered what he saw. He didn't seem to see a dying woman on the bed. Fortunately, the law was kind and the bed was finally sealed up. He finally said a word to me when he went away that I had nine days to object, but he left a guard behind!My God, what shall I become!This turmoil aggravated my illness.Prudence wants to go and ask your father's friend for some money, and I object to her doing so. January 30 I received your letter this morning, which I have longed for. Will you hear me in time?Will you still see me?It was a happy day, which made me forget all that I had been through for six weeks, and though I wrote my reply in a gloomy mood, I felt better. In short, people will not be unhappy forever. I also thought that maybe I won't die, maybe you can come back, maybe I'll see spring again, maybe you still love me, maybe we'll start over the life we ​​lived last year! I am so crazy!I can hardly hold the pen with which I am writing to you the wild thoughts of my heart. No matter what happens, I always loved you very much, Armand, and if I had not supported me by the memory of this love and the faint hope of seeing you again by my side, I might have died long ago. february 4 Earl G is back.His mistress cheated on him, he was very sad, he loved her very much.He told me everything.The poor young man's career was not very good, but he paid my bailiff a sum, and sent the guard away. I told him about you, and he promised me to tell you about me.At this moment I actually forgot that I had been his mistress, and he wanted me to forget about it!He has such a good heart! Yesterday the Duke sent to inquire about my condition, and this morning he came himself.I don't know how the old man survived.He stayed with me for three hours and didn't say a few words to me.When he saw how pale I was, two big tears fell from his eyes.He must have cried at the thought of his daughter's death.He was about to see her die for the second time, with his back bent, his head pulled back, his lips drooping, and his eyes dim.His decrepit body was burdened with the twin burdens of old age and pain, and he didn't say a word of reproach to me.Others would even say that he secretly thanked the disease for destroying me.He seemed proud of his ability to stand, while I was still young and overwhelmed with pain. The weather turned bad again, no one came to see me, and Juli took care of me as best she could.Prudence, since I could no longer give her as much money as I used to, began to refuse to come to me on the pretext of business. No matter what the doctors say, now I'm dying.I have had several doctors and this is evidence that my condition is getting worse.I almost regret listening to your father. If I had known that I would only occupy you for one year in your future life, I might not give up my desire to spend this year with you. At least I could hold your hand. Died at the hand of my friend.But if we spend this year together, I'm sure I won't die so quickly. God's will is irreversible! february 5 oh!Come, come, Armand, I am sick of it.I'm dying, my God.How sad I was yesterday that I did not want to stay at home, but spent the night elsewhere, which will be as long as the night before.In the morning the Duke came, and the appearance of this old man, whom death had forgotten, seemed to urge me to die. Although I had a high fever, I had someone dress me up and drive to the cabaret.Julie put on my makeup, otherwise I'd be a bit of a corpse.I went to the box where I made your first date; I kept my eyes on the place where you sat that day, and yesterday there was a country bumpkin who laughed wildly at the actor's gags. with.I was half dead when people sent me home.I was coughing and vomiting blood all night.Today I can't speak, I can barely lift my arms.Oh my God!Oh my God!I am going to die.I was expecting to die, but I did not expect to suffer such unbearable pain if... From this word onwards, the few letters Margaret managed to write down could no longer be seen clearly.It was Julius Dupra who went on to write it. February 18 Mr Armand: From the day Marguerite insisted on going to the theatre, her condition worsened day by day, her voice was completely lost, and then her limbs became immobilized.It is impossible to describe what our poor friend endured.I have never experienced such a stimulus, I have always been afraid. How I wish you were with us, she was talking nonsense almost all the time, but when she was unconscious or awake, if she could say a few words, it was your name. The doctor told me that she had little time, and that the old Duke had not been in since her death. He had told the doctor that the sight was too painful for him. Madame Duvernoy was not very nice.The woman, who had been living almost entirely from Marguerite, from whom she thought she could get more money, had incurred debts which she was unable to repay.When she saw that her neighbor was of no use to her, she did not even look at her.Everyone abandoned her. Mr. G. was compelled by his debts to set off for London again.He sent us some more money as he was leaving; he had done the best he could.But someone came to seize it again, and the creditors waited for her to die in order to auction off her things. I intended to use the little money I had left to prevent them from seizing it, but the bailiff told me it was no use, and he had other judgments to enforce.Since she was going to die, it was better to give up everything, and why keep anything for those family members she didn't want to see and who never loved her.You can't even imagine how the poor girl died in poverty and poverty.We were penniless yesterday.Tableware, jewellery, and shawls were all pawned, and the rest were either sold or seized.Margaret was still aware of what was going on around her.She was in agony physically, mentally and spiritually, and big tears rolled down her cheeks, and her face was so pale and thin, you wouldn't know it was you if you could see it What a lovely face.She asked me to promise to write to you when she could no longer write, and now I am writing in her presence.Her eyes are on me, but she cannot see me, her eyes are clouded by the imminent death, but she is still smiling, and I can tell that her whole thought, her whole soul is in you. Every time someone opened the door, her eyes flashed, thinking that you were coming in, and then when she saw that it was not you, her face showed pain again, and bursts of cold sweat ooze out, His cheeks were flushed with blood. Midnight February 19 What a miserable day it is, poor Monsieur Armand!In the morning Margaret suffocated, and the doctor bled her, and she was able to make some sounds again.The doctor advised her to ask for a priest, and she agreed, and the doctor went to ask for the priest himself at St. Roch's. At this moment, Marguerite called me to her bedside, and begged me to open her wardrobe; pointing to a cap and a long lace blouse, she said to me in a weak voice: "When I'm going to die after my confession, you'll dress me in these things: the make-up of a dying woman." Then she cried and hugged me again, and she said: "I can talk now, but I'm so suffocated when I speak, I'm suffocated! Air!" I burst into tears, I opened the window, and after a while the priest came in. I went to the priest. He seemed afraid of being left out when he knew whose house he was in. "Come in boldly, Father," I said to him. He did not stay long in the patient's room, and when he came out he said to me: "She lived a sinner, but she will die a Christian." After a while he returned, accompanied by a choir boy, holding a crucifix in his hand, and in front of them walked a church boy, ringing a bell to signify that God had come to the dying home. The three of them walked into the bedroom together. In the past, all they heard in this room were some strange languages, but now this room has become a holy altar. I knelt down, and I do not know how long the impression of this scene would last; but I believe that nothing had happened in the world that had made such an impression on me before. The priest anointed the dying man's feet, hands and forehead with holy oil, and recited a short scripture. Margaret was ready to go to heaven. If God saw her suffering in life and holiness in death, she would There is no doubt that you can go to heaven. She hasn't said a word or made a move since then, and if I hadn't heard her panting, there were many times when I'd have thought she was dead. February 20, 5:00 pm everything is over. Marguerite entered into a state of death about two o'clock in the morning.Never had a martyr been subjected to such torture, as was attested by her groans.Two or three times she sat up straight in bed, as if trying to catch hold of the life she was ascending to heaven. Two or three times, she called your name, and then all was silent, and she fell back on the bed exhausted, and tears flowed silently from her eyes, and she died. So I walked up to her and called her name, but she didn't answer, so I closed her eyelids and kissed her forehead. Poor, dear Marguerite, I wish I were a saint, so that this kiss consecrates you to God. Then I dressed her as she had begged me to do, went to the church of San Roque to find a priest, lit two candles for her, and prayed for her in the church for an hour. I gave the little money she had left to poor people. I don't know much about religion, but I believe that the good God will recognize that my tears are sincere, my prayers are sincere, my alms is sincere, and God will have mercy on her, she died so young and beautiful , I was the only one who closed her eyes and buried her. February 22 Burial is held today.Many of Marguerite's girlfriends came to the church, several of them wept sincerely, and when the funeral procession made its way to the Montmartre cemetery, only two men followed: the Comte de G., who Came here specially from London; And the Duke, supported by two servants. I am writing all this in detail under the light in her house with tears in my eyes.Beside the dimly lit lamp was a supper which, as you can imagine, I could not take a mouthful of, which Nanine had ordered for me, as I had not eaten for twenty-four hours. These horrors will not long remain in my memory, because my life is no more mine than Marguerite's, and I place these events in the place where they occurred. I tell you, I'm afraid I won't be able to tell you exactly these horrors when you return.