Chapter 5 Section 5 Planning a New Life

I shake my head. "You don't need to worry about it, and you don't need others to worry about it. This is my own business." "Where's that girl?" I shook my head more violently. "She has wasted her youth taking care of a crippled father, only to become a debtor instead. Do you think I can just go to her like this? Should I ask her to love me and become a burden to her like her father? No. Whether she Single or married, she's better off staying put." The silence between us stretches infinitely.Osmunda was busy somewhere in the room, concocting yet another herbal remedy that didn't work for me, while Burrich crouched before me like a dark cloud in a thunderstorm.I knew he wanted to shake me awake and slap my stubbornness away, but he didn't.Burrich didn't reach out to hit a cripple.

"So," he finally said, "is it only the king left, or have you forgotten to take the oath to be my prince's people?" "I haven't," I replied calmly. "If I'd believed I was a normal person, I'd have gone back, but I'm not, Burrich. I've become someone else's obligation, like a victim in a chess game." A chess piece to protect, or a hostage to be slaughtered, has no ability to defend itself and protect others. No, as my prince and citizen, I can only leave this chess game as soon as possible before others do harm to me and thereby harm the king."

Burrich turned away.His figure formed a silhouette in the dark room, but his face beside the fire could not be seen clearly. "We'll talk tomorrow," he began. "Just goodbye." I interrupted. "My mind is made up, Burrich." I reached out to touch the earrings on my ears. "If you stay, I have to follow you." There was an unshakable insistence in his low tone. "That won't work." I told him. "My father once told you to stay where you are to raise a little bastard. Now I tell you to go, the king still needs your loyalty to him."

"Fitz Junqi, I don't..." "Please." I don't know what he heard from my tone, but he suddenly fell silent. "I'm so tired, damn tired. All I know is that I won't live up to what people expect of me in my lifetime, and there's nothing I can do." My voice trembled like an old man's. "Whatever I had to do, and whatever I swore to do, I was too bruised to keep my promises. Maybe I was doing it wrong, but that's how it was. It was someone else's plan and someone else's goal every time, never Not mine. I tried, but..." I felt the room shake, as if someone else was speaking, and I was shocked, but couldn't deny the truth. "I need to be alone now, to rest," I said briefly.

They both looked at me in silence at the same time, then slowly left the room, as if hoping that I would change my mind and call them back, but I didn't. After they left, I let myself breathe out.I'm reeling from my decision, but I really don't intend to go back to Buckkeep and don't know what to do next.Having removed the rest of my broken life from the chessboard, I finally had the opportunity to reorganize myself and plan a new life.I gradually realized that I no longer doubted, and although I still had a mixture of regret and comfort, I no longer doubted.I'd rather start a new life where no one knows me, and live according to no one, not even the king, and just do it.I lay back in bed, completely relaxed for the first time in weeks.Goodbye, I thought wearily.I wanted to say goodbye to everyone and stand before the king one last time to see him give a slight nod of approval.Maybe, I can get him to understand why I don't want to go back, but I won't.That's it, really. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty," I murmured, staring at the flickering flames in the fireplace until I fell asleep.

Being a crown prince or princess is like stepping firmly on the fence of responsibility and authority.It is said that this position was used to satisfy the heir's ambitions for power while also teaching him how to exercise power.The oldest child of the royal family, he became Crown Prince on his sixteenth birthday.Since then, the Crown Prince or Princess has assumed all the responsibilities for running the six principalities.Often, the crown prince immediately assumes those responsibilities that the ruling monarch cares least about, and these duties vary significantly from one reign to the next.

Prince Rider first became Crown Prince during King Shrewd's reign.To him, King Shrewd had handed over everything that had to do with the frontier, the war, the negotiations, the diplomacy, the fatigue of the long journey, and the misery of the campaign.When Prince Junqi abdicated, Prince Verity succeeded as the crown prince, and at the same time inherited all the unknown conditions of fighting the Outer Islands, as well as the resulting civil wars in the inland and coastal duchies, and because the king could overturn his decision at any time, making these tasks more difficult.Therefore, he is often forced to clean up messes that have nothing to do with him, and he can only choose self-defense against his will.

Princess Kettricken's status may be even more precarious.She was from the mountains, and she seemed very out of place in the courts of the six principalities.She might have been more tolerated in peacetime, but the court of Buckkeep was seething with civil strife in the six duchies.The Outer Islands continued to hit the coast with an unprecedented onslaught, bringing more damage than plunder.During the first winter of Princess Kettricken's reign, we experienced first-hand the first Winter Raid.The threat of a raid came one after another, and the anguish of the incident at Forge was lingering, shaking the foundations of the Six Duchies.The people's faith in the ruling monarch is low, and Princess Kettricken is in an unenviable position as the eccentric wife of an unloved crown prince.

The inland duchies, with a court divided by civil strife, complained from time to time because they had to pay taxes to protect the coastal areas that were not under their jurisdiction.However, the Coastal Grand Duchy not only urgently needs warships and troops, but also effectively deters invaders from raiding the most vulnerable places in the territory.Prince Regal, who was born in the interior, frequently courted the dukes in the interior, and strengthened his power through gifts and social ties to win relationships.The Crown Prince Verity, who believed that he was no longer able to resist the invaders, concentrated on building warships to defend the coastal duchy.In general, King Shrewd crouches like a giant spider, doing his best to divide power equally between himself and his sons to keep the six duchies territorially intact.

I woke up when I realized someone was touching my forehead.With a grunt, I turned away, the blankets on me wet.I struggled to break free from their restraints, and sat up to see who dared to disturb me.King Shrewd's jester watched me anxiously from his bedside chair, but I gave him a rough stare that made him recoil from my gaze.A feeling of unease came over me. The Fool should have been back to Buckkeep, thousands of miles away, to be with King Shrewd several days before, and he was never away from the King for more than a few hours or a night.His presence, therefore, must be an ominous omen.The Fool was my friend, at least as far as his eccentricities allowed him to be.But his visits always had a purpose, and those purposes were seldom trivial or pleasant.I've never seen him so tired.He was wearing a rare red and green flower-spotted clown costume with a rat-headed token. The bright costume contrasted eerily with his pale skin, like a translucent candle entwined with holly.His clothes were sturdier than himself, his gray hair rose from the brim of his hat as if soaked in sea water, and the flickering fireplace flames flickered in his eyes.I rubbed my astringent eyes and brushed some hair aside, only to feel that my hair was wet -- I was sweating in my sleep.