Chapter 2 Chapter 1 The morning of lack of fighting spirit

When Shinna Katsuhiko woke up in the morning, he looked sleepily at the alarm clock next to his pillow.It was already past ten in the morning.I remember that it was one o'clock in the morning when I went to bed, and I had slept for more than nine hours.Despite this, he was still confused and drowsy. It wasn't that he didn't fall asleep last night, it should be said that he slept more deeply than usual.But, somehow?I feel very tired physically and mentally, and my waist can't be straightened. At this time, people have already started to move.According to statistics a few years ago, at nine o'clock in the morning, 39 million people had already started work, 17.4 million people were in class, and 12.5 million housewives were doing housework. There are 68.9 million Japanese who are active.It has been several years since the statistics were released, and it is already past ten o'clock in the morning, and most Japanese people are already busy with their daily routine work.

For Ke Yan, the excuse that he can't get up in the morning because he "works late" doesn't work.It is common for office workers to go to bed at one o'clock in the morning. No matter how late they went to bed the night before, they have to go to work from their homes in the suburbs at nine o'clock the next morning (some of them at eight o'clock) the next morning. Start a busy day at work. This kind of life of going to work in the company early in the morning, Ke Yan felt that he was beyond his ability.However, office workers have to repeat this miraculous life every morning.More than 20 years ago, Ke Yan also lived a miraculous life that he did not think was a miracle every morning.

However, it is really not easy for him to return to the kind of life he used to live now.To put it nicely, it's because I'm more inclined to nightlife now, but in fact it's because my will is depressed and my body becomes dull and inflexible: it can be said that my spirit is too relaxed. Maybe it's because I don't need to boost my spirits, and with a certain degree of sensuality, I can maintain my life.Perhaps it can be said that if a person is mentally relaxed and able to survive, he will naturally have no way to tense up.The spirit that loses its sense of tension will gradually relax, just like unnecessary functions of the body will degenerate.Ke Yan, who had just woken up, yawned and got up from the bed like a heavy bomber.He really wanted to sleep a little longer, but he was afraid that if he continued to stay in bed, it would be endless, so that he would develop a habit of snoozing.After getting out of bed, he opened the curtains.The strong sunlight shone very harshly on his face, as if blaming him for not getting up until now.He rubbed his eye scum, and his whole body was bathed in the hot sunlight coming in from the window.

"Where did my free and unrestrained emotions and my adventurous heart to challenge the future go?" Ke Yan muttered to himself while washing his face. For the past two weeks, he has been writing a novel.However, I encountered a bottleneck in the description of the plot. The more I racked my brains, the more I couldn't break out of the cocoon of thoughts.Although Katsuhiko understands that he cannot continue to be bound by plots or themes, he cannot decisively change the direction of his thinking. Ke Yan used his thoughts to be stranded as an excuse to idle around and do nothing every day.He was terrified of jumping headfirst into his work.Even when his thoughts are flowing freely, he still has this fear of work.When the editor called, Ke Yan also tried his best not to answer the phone.Despite looming deadlines, he still gives interviews to reporters and is invited to dinner parties and various events.That way, he can get away from the work he has to deal with.Katsuhiko Shinna is constantly looking for excuses not to work.Ke Yan looks back at himself twenty years ago.At that time, he had graduated from university for ten years and was a mid-level cadre of the company.The company he works for is considered a well-known big company in the society, so his life is very stable.If you stay in the company, even if you don't get promoted to an important position, you shouldn't lead a life full of ups and downs.There are factional disputes in the company, and there are also unique phenomena in the office worker society such as dragging each other's legs.In short, under the umbrella of "company", there will inevitably be "pointless disputes".

The reason why Ke Yan resolutely gave up that kind of life security and left the ranks of office workers is because one day in his tenth year in the company, he discovered a fact: that is, when he is not in the company, the company can still be as good as function as normal.This fact gave him a very strong sense of emptiness. By chance, Ke Yan participated in the novel selection, but unexpectedly won the prize.Therefore, he resolutely broke away from the life of an office worker. All relatives, headed by his wife, unanimously opposed his decision.He has a stable career, but he has to step into an unknown field to write novels, which makes his wife, relatives and friends very worried about their future life.

However, writing a novel is a creative process created out of nothing and without substance, and it does require natural ability and character.Unlike working in a company, even if you are not there, you can be replaced by someone else. Katsuhiko made up his mind: "Anyway, it's the same life, so let's just develop into a field where ability and character can determine the outcome!" The ambition and mental tension are still very fresh when I think about it.It felt like a sailor sailing toward an unknown sea without a compass.The company's bosses and colleagues held a farewell party for him.At the banquet, the head of the class raised his glass first and said: "Cheers to the future 'New Name Literature'!"

When he heard the slightly sarcastic remarks from the head of the section, Ke Yan vowed: "Let's wait and see, I will definitely sweep the entire literary world with the literature of 'New Name Ke Yan', and show everyone!" Twenty years have passed since he got rid of the life of an office worker. Although he is still far from the goal of "sweeping the entire literary world", Katsuhiko Shinna has become a well-known writer, and his life is full of needs. However, in the past 20 years, the morale and nervous spirit when I resigned from my job have disappeared.Tired of the ordinary and monotonous office life, Ke Yan had the idea of ​​changing jobs.However, in terms of life laziness, he is no different from before he resigned, the only thing that has changed is that he can go to bed later in the morning.

He longed for the other end of the horizon, and when he stepped on that horizon, he realized that no matter where he stood, he was still on the same earth.Since no one forced him to take the path of being a writer, he could be more or less lazy and compromise with himself.Therefore, the situation of laziness and slackness is more serious than before, and both physically and mentally, I am getting more and more slack.In this state, of course, it is impossible to write painstaking works. What a writer fears most is not being exhausted and unable to write articles, but to compromise with himself.Katsuhiko sometimes thinks that instead of compromising himself and writing some vulgar works, it is better to never compromise and resolutely stop writing.

He felt that he did not intentionally not write, but a compromise with not writing.If the body and mind are slack, it will take a lot of effort to get back together. The current life seems to have lost its highs and lows, and that is because of self-compromise. As soon as Shinna Katsuhiko stepped into the dining room, his wife rushed to prepare breakfast.He has two daughters. The eldest daughter, Ayuko, is currently in the third year of a women's university, and the second daughter, Mayumi, is a second-year high school student.Most of the girls have already gone to school. As soon as the wife saw Ke Yan coming in, she started to heat up the dishes.She once strongly opposed her husband when he quit his job, but she supported him wholeheartedly afterwards, so that he had no worries.

She gets up early in the morning to prepare breakfast for her school-bound daughters, and then waits for her late-rising husband to have breakfast with him.Although Ke Yan asked her to eat first without waiting for him many times, she was always unwilling. "A speech invitation, and a magazine interview." The wife said while making coffee. Ke Yan looked at the newspaper, and replied indifferently: "Anyway, you will push it away for me!" She knew that her husband didn't like to give lectures; he wouldn't accept interviews with reporters unless he had a great relationship or a subject that interested Keyan.Speaking especially, the thought of standing on a podium and speaking to a group of people makes my stomach ache.Katsuhiko has been feeling inexplicably nervous since a few months ago when he accepted the invitation to give a lecture based on favors, so he was unable to work.

"Where is the invitation from?" Ke Yan asked casually without taking his eyes off the newspaper. According to his wife, the other party was a cultural group in a certain local city (a city other than the capital or a metropolis), and a not-so-famous magazine. "You help me solemnly refuse! It's unfortunate that I'm scheduled to travel, so I can't accept their invitation." While talking to his wife, Ke Yan thought to himself: It is actually a good idea to be invited to give a speech and take a walk around the city to change your mood.But then quickly shook his head. If you do this, you will not only change your mood, but also avoid work! "What's the matter?" His wife came over with a cup of coffee and looked at him in surprise. Katsuhiko Shinna has been a writer for about twenty years, and recently he feels that nothing is more difficult than writing.I remember that when he was a fledgling, he had no goal and wrote desperately. He felt that writing was a kind of joy, and it was beyond his ability, so he desperately accepted the manuscript.It was a time when quantity trumped quality. Things had changed a bit from a few years ago; he suddenly felt terrified of writing.What I am afraid of is not the writing itself, but the gradual understanding of the horror of the novel itself, and I am afraid of writing, so that the writing speed is not as fast as before.Write novels with the audacity to do so, and the creative process will go more smoothly.After he gradually realized the horror of the novel, he felt very ashamed in his heart, and the pen became heavier and heavier. However, his writing volume is not lower than in the past.Now he publishes new works from time to time, and he is also proud that the current works are more meaningful than the previous ones. However, deep down in his heart, he felt that the fighting spirit and enthusiasm he had when he was just a fledgling had gradually faded away.He wondered if twenty years of life as a writer would have accumulated dirt on his pen, making it mediocre and low-level.At the same time, the situation that made me fear the most occurred, that is, self-compromise. Ke Yan thought to himself, if this is the case, he must find a way to solve it. The best way to refuse to compromise with yourself is to confront your own work directly and resist your own work.If you don't create your own works with this resistance mentality, you will become lazy.