Chapter 4 Section 3 Courtship with different tastes

Some ethnic groups in the south were still in the late stage of development of primitive society before 1949, or although they had entered class society, the restraint of etiquette was not yet strict for unmarried young people.Therefore, some ethnic groups have freedom of marriage and love; although some ethnic groups marry by their parents, they let young people be romantic when they fall in love, thus forming many interesting ways of courtship. "Chuan Girls" is an activity for young men and women to socialize before marriage, find a love partner and confide their hearts to their beloved.The Wa, Achang, Lahu, De'ang and other ethnic groups in Yunnan, my country, all have this custom, which is translated as "Chuan Girl" in Chinese. "Chuan" contains the meaning of visiting and playing together; the actual content of "Chuan Girls" of different nationalities has its own characteristics.

At night, 15-year-old Wa boys meet to play girls. "My younger sister is an invincible flower, and my elder brother is a bamboo forest that can't be cut down." Amidst the endless love songs, the young man took the initiative to court, gave bracelets, and gave betel nuts. If the young lady accepts these gifts, the young man will know The courtship was successful.Otherwise, you have to find someone else.Once the two parties hit it off, they will sleep together at the string girl.Both of them hope to have a good dream. For example, dreaming of banana forests, bamboo forests, herding cattle and sheep, etc., indicates that love is expected to develop into marriage; Can only be suspended.The Wa people in Cangyuan are proud of making friends of the opposite sex.A girl can make friends with several, even a dozen guys.The girl would accept all the gifts given by the boys, and when she chose one of the boys as her lover, the others would avoid them and stop visiting.The girl will give the gifts they gave to her lover, and he will return them one by one.This move is tantamount to announcing to the society that the girl has made a decision for life.

Whenever night falls, Achang boys bring gourd sheng, hole flute and other musical instruments to the girl's door to play.The girl invites the young man into the house gracefully.They sat around the firepit, sang to each other and talked about love, all night long.Although affectionate, but well-behaved.Because the Achang people who have entered the feudal society regard the freedom of sex before marriage as illegal. The Lahu people, who retain the tradition of matriarchy, have a unique custom of "stringing young men".After dark, the girls went to the neighboring villages together to date the boys with singing.If the boy can't escape, the girl will come to the door and pour water on the boy's clothes and bedding, forcing them to go out of the village to meet.Around the bonfire, they sang to each other and played the piano.When a girl finds the one she likes, she will express her opinion without hesitation: either cut off a small piece of the other's clothes, sew a mark on it, or tie a straw knot for him as a proof of love.If in daily communication, a girl falls in love with a certain guy and wants to ask him out, she will soak him with water; sometimes she will snatch his hat to show her affection.The guy fell in love with a certain girl, so he invited his partner to the girl's village and asked her to come out to meet.Regardless of whether the girl is willing or not, she will come to the appointment accompanied by a female companion. "Girl on the east hillside, girl in the sun, if you don't have a lover, please open your mouth and sing." The young man tried to test the girl with his eager singing voice.The girl sang casually: "I don't have a lover, I'm afraid you will dislike me; please sing a song first, listen to the song, and you can work for two days a day." If you feel okay, go on a date again, and don't give each other a token of love until you fall in love with each other.

Unmarried men and women of the De'ang ethnic group are free to socialize. As long as they are not girls from the same clan, the young men can go to "get together".But there is a rule that must be followed, that is, before the elder sister gets married, she must not "talk" the younger sister first.There are two ways to play girls: one is collective action, the young men lead the young men to play girls of different surnames in other villages or in the village.This kind of activity is mostly carried out at weddings or holiday parties.The second is that the young man visits the person he likes alone.In the night, he brought the Lusheng to the girl's bamboo building, played softly and played slowly, and poured out his heart-songs (picture 3).It is a girl's glory to have a young man come to offer music, and she will welcome him upstairs to meet her.Parents and brothers will take the initiative to avoid it.After many exchanges, if the two parties are willing to make a lifelong agreement, the young man will solemnly present a bag of tea to the girl, and the girl will hang the tea on the bedside, and the parents will know that the daughter has a master.

The Lisu people call it "Chuan Girl" and "Black Ruohua", which are opportunities for young men and women to find a partner and talk about love.Every year during the Spring Festival (from the second day to the tenth day of the first lunar month), the "Tangquan meeting" (commonly known as the bathing pond meeting) is the climax of stringing girls.It turns out that there are 18 large and small hot springs on both sides of the Nujiang Gorge, known as the "Eighteen Hot Springs of the Famous Gorge".According to the tradition, every Spring Festival, the Lisu people will come from all directions to attend the meeting, dressed in festive costumes, with delicacies and wines.This is not only a place for singers from all walks of life to compete in poems and songs, and to show off their skills, but also a good opportunity for young men and women to meet the opposite sex, choose a mate, and fall in love.Everywhere young men and women can be seen in groups of three or four, freely combining and singing in antiphonal.The scenes of couples singing and dancing hand in hand, shoulder to shoulder, are like affectionate folk paintings, showing the spirit of the Lisu people who love life and pursue happiness.

The boy Hani from Mengmenghai in southern Yunnan seems to have more hopes of success when he pursues girls.Because from puberty to marriage, the girl's headdress and clothing have to change several times, which provides a clear goal for the boy's pursuit.Fifteen or sixteen-year-old girls, like boys of the same age, dyed their teeth red to show their adulthood, and began to dress themselves up in clothing.The typical attire is: two pieces of "tie chapters" in front of the waist - decorative cloth embroidered with patterns; strings of grass beads on the head and neck - "Louba"; wearing a round hat called "Ouhou" . At the age of 17, she changed to a square bucket hat called "Ouqiu", which showed that the girl had matured.At the age of 18, a bamboo cylinder is added to the headdress, such as a ball of white grass on the cylinder, which means that she has reached the age of marriage and young men are welcome to propose to her.Once you have a spouse, you will cover the white grass with a black cloth nailed with silver bubbles, implying that she is about to get married.The boy who had dyed his teeth and changed into adult clothes, his father and brother would help him build a hut near the house to live alone in order to facilitate the romance.Similarly, for the convenience of finding a mate, adolescent girls have to move out to live, usually in the widow's house, and sometimes in the lover's hut.

Dress up while you have floral clothes, You Fang took advantage of his friends. sister If you think like your brother, Throw the needle and thread in the flower basket, Come and travel without hesitation. Every New Year's Day and market day, the Miao guys in Qiandongnan use their singing to date girls wandering around - to fall in love.Where passers-by can see, young men and girls are blowing leaves and whistles; standing on the verdant hillside singing; or whispering and pouring out their hearts.Many young people make a marriage contract in the party. Boys and girls of the Li nationality in Hainan no longer live with their parents when they are twelve or thirteen years old, but live in a hut called "Longgui" in Li language.

"Longgui" is divided into big and small and male and female. The small ones live for one or two people, and the big ones live for more than three or five people. At night, the well-dressed young men with guns and knives are playing the muzzle strings and blowing the nose flute. They go to the girls' boudoirs in the neighboring villages to make friends. This is called "night excursion" or "fangliao".If the two parties are in love, the young man will give some gifts of love, and the girl will let the lover spend a good night with her in the boudoir.However, the two parties don't need to get married. Their relationship can last for just one night, half a month, or two or three years.If the relationship breaks down, you can find a new partner. Parents and society regard it as normal, and they are proud of their children and lovers.If you are still living with your parents at the age of fourteen or fifteen, you will be ridiculed by others.

The Buyi people around Huangguoshu Waterfall talk in a poetic way. Sisters are lined up over there, The same clothes and the same shoes, The same talent and the same beauty, It's a pity that Xiao Lang is not worthy. As Geer sang, Bouyei youth Langshao, when meeting friends, strictly abides by the rules.The girl stands on one side, and the boy stands on the other side, three or four feet apart, face sideways, or back to back, and get to know each other with love songs and conversations.If a young man falls in love with a certain girl, he asks his sister to pass on the message. If the girl is not interested, he sings a song of decline;After meeting many times, young men and women who admire each other can generally form a good relationship for a hundred years.If the parents object, they both flee and settle down in a distant place.

Langshao is generally held on New Year's Day, festive gatherings or market days.No matter how early or late the date is, they must go home before the sun sets. The location they choose is also the sunny side that passers-by can see.Some young daughter-in-laws who are married but still live in their natal homes, as well as their husbands who have not lived together, can also participate in Langshao activities. Many branches of the Yi nationality in Yunnan have built public houses for young men and women to talk about love.For example, before liberation, every village of the Axi people in Xishan, Mitreya County had communal housing for men and women built collectively.Boys and girls aged 13 or 14 work with their parents during the day and gather in the public house at night.The girls spun and chatted while waiting for the young man to visit.Those who play public housing are limited to unmarried men and women, and they must be young people from different families.Generally, the boys would visit the girls' houses in the neighboring villages.They dance hand in hand, or sit around the fire, singing, playing music, cheerful and enthusiastic... (Picture 4)

Making couples in the dance hall is not a sight.The Yi people in Chuxiong have a lot of singing dances, such as weddings and funerals, sacrifices, moving into a new house, etc., they dance songs for everything and everywhere.And in addition to the fixed moon and sun dancing songs, as long as it is a full moon day, almost all of them will play the sanxian and dance songs.Both men and women, old and young, participated, and among them, young people and young girls were the most eye-catching.Young people aged 17 or 18 are dressed in blue, white and black clothes and carry three-stringed harpsichords of different sizes on their backs; the well-dressed girls are even more charming.The boy and the girl dance to each other with the sanxian and the singing.Whichever couple dances the most ecstasy and smiles the sweetest, love will appear there.They often quietly exit the singing field and go to the depths of the forest to pour out their feelings. Free love is the main way for Dong youths to form a good relationship.They look for their lifelong partners through social activities such as singing and confinement.But different regions have different methods.The places where young people in the south fell in love were mostly in the "Girl Hall" where girls weaved, embroidered, and sewed together.At night, young men came to the girl's hall in groups to sing and play the piano.The girls received all visitors in a dignified manner, just like a Dong proverb said: "A girl is a ferry boat. The rich ones have to cross when they come, and the poor ones have to cross when they come." Young people in the northern region have the custom of secretly agreeing on time, place, and group gatherings, which is called "Huahuashan".At that time, an equal number of young men and women gather together, or stand or sit, and line up on both sides.First use the antiphonal name to announce the surname. After getting acquainted with each other, the young men and women each choose a person with prestige as a representative to introduce lovers to each other's companions. Other things like flower belts, handkerchiefs, etc.Afterwards, each of them looked for opportunities to deepen their understanding, and when it was hard to part, they would tell their parents, and the man would invite someone to go to the woman's house to talk about marriage. The Yao nationality has many branches and scattered residence, so the way of love is novel and diverse. Qingkuyao girl's bedroom has a two-centimeter-sized hole, which is as high as the girl's bed.When the night was quiet and the gate was closed, the young man came to the cave with a stick, poked it into the cave, and reported to the girl.When the girl found out that she was her sweetheart, she talked endlessly to the entrance of the cave.If the girl is not happy, she pretends to be asleep and refuses, and the young man has no choice but to leave angrily. Baikuyao began to fall in love at the age of thirteen or fourteen, which is called "playing with watches".It is often the girl who takes the initiative, and when the two parties are in love, they will give each other gifts, the man will give the woman bracelets and silk threads, and the woman will give the man embroidered pants and tobacco.After getting a token from the other party, indicating that the relationship has reached a climax, the girl can bring the young man to the house to share the same room. The parents will not interfere with this, and think it is a decent thing for the girl to bring someone.From then on, the young man came back at night and returned in the morning, and lived a life of walking marriage.If the relationship is indifferent, if one party proposes, they can break up. When the Chashan Yao girl was thirteen or fourteen years old, her parents let her live upstairs alone. Outside her living room, there was something like a balcony extending to the side of the road.At first, several young men climbed upstairs along the balcony at night to tell the girl their love.When the girl has confirmed her lover, the others retreat, and the lucky one climbs the stairs alone.Facing the lover who is climbing, the girl always extends a loving hand.Lovers who are deeply affectionate will make a covenant for the first time. "Zoupo" is a form of young men and women talking about love, similar to the "Song Fair" of the Zhuang nationality.The difference is that "song fairs" have certain places, while "walking slopes" have no fixed rules.It can be held on festivals, meetings and fair days.Usually, young men from one village invite young women from another village to sing in antiphonal.First, there is a group duet, and if there is someone who agrees with you, you can leave the crowd and date alone.After many contacts, if the two agree with each other, they will give each other tokens.Young men often give cloth, bamboo hats, straw hats and other items as gifts, while young women give homemade cloth shoes, self-woven hat belts, bags and other items.When exchanging tokens, you should also use singing to express your heart. The man sang: "Say something to my sister, and send a bamboo hat as a letter." Brother's bedside." After the two parties signed the contract, they had to go home and report to their parents.If the parents of both parties agree, it is convenient for the man to invite a matchmaker to the woman's house to talk about marriage, and the good wishes of this couple may become a reality. Although Jing Po has no written language, the young people express their love affairs in the form of objects instead of letters in addition to "Gan Tuo Zong", that is, a string of girls (Figure 5).When a young man falls in love with a certain girl, he wraps the roots, garlic, matches, peppers, etc. in the leaves.Then wrap it carefully with thread, and give it to the person who thinks about it day and night.The roots of the tree represent the young man's longing; the chili pepper and matches represent his passionate and firm love; the garlic is to ask the girl to consider their marriage; the leaves represent that he has a lot to say.If the girl returns the original letter, it means that she and the boy have a heart-to-heart relationship; if she returns the original letter with a piece of charcoal, it means that she is very disgusted, and the boy will no longer pursue it when he finds out.Sometimes the girl has to think about it for a while, and when returning the original letter, she adds a kind of milk berry. The young man knows that there is still hope, so he picks two young chestnut leaves, puts them together face to face, and gives it to the girl again, expressing that he is willing to work together with the girl. Life.If you add corn, millet and beans, you hope to build a family with the girl.At this time, if the girl agrees, she will add a little tobacco and return the original thing. If the chestnut leaves are turned over and returned back to back, the young man will know that there is no hope. When Boy Brown fell in love with a girl, he picked flowers for her.If the girl is interested in the young man, she will immediately put flowers on her head, and the young man who understands it will find an opportunity to meet her.But sometimes the girl doesn't put the flowers on. When encountering such a situation, the young man is not discouraged, but picks more and more beautiful flowers and gives them to the girl again and again.Under the ardent pursuit of the young man, the girl finally wears the flower or gives other hints of rejection.A beautiful girl often receives flowers from several young men, sometimes of the same kind of flower. A smart girl puts the flowers in her satchel, tries to meet the person she likes, puts the flowers on in front of him, and takes them off immediately.This move not only showed the girl's mind, but also avoided many misunderstandings. The love style of the Dai people is interesting and colorful.Whether it is on the quiet and cool balcony of the bamboo building, or beside the spinning wheel illuminated by the bonfire; in the lively and playful bag throwing field, or on the chicken stall (going to the market), it is a place for young people to express their love.The Dai people with delicate feelings are full of poetic and picturesque charm, whether it is "Chuan Bu Shao" (that is, Chuan girls) or courtship. In the slack season, when the sun sets, the mood of young people is not peaceful.The girls go to the spinning room to shake the spinning wheel, and the boys are wearing blankets and playing the strings, wandering around the spinning room, singing songs of praise to the admired, playing songs of praise, and praising the girls for their good spinning , looks beautiful.Then he asked in a singing voice: "Girl, what's your name? Who are your parents? Did any bees fly into your pistil? Has your Zhanba flower been picked? Is there a bee under your window eaves?" A silhouette." If the girl's heart is touched by the young man's affection, she will reply: "Young man! Young man! No one has come to pick Zanba flowers, and the dew has not yet touched the first-opened stamens, and it is still quiet under the window eaves. "After a period of antiphonal singing, the girl took the young man into the room and entertained him with tea, melons and fruits.The young man sat lightly next to the girl, put half of the blanket on the girl, and snuggled together affectionately.After many reunions, the relationship developed to the stage of courtship.Passing love letters to each other is also the most common way for Dai youths to express their love. There are six forms of Dai love letters, among which Phoenix love letters are the most unique.When a boy falls in love with a girl, he draws a beautiful phoenix in the center of a piece of paper, writes a love poem around it, and tries to give it to the girl.If the girl also falls in love with the young man, she will draw a phoenix with a flower in her mouth on the paper and return it to the man.In Feng Qiuhuang's poetic and picturesque mood, the two parties conveyed their love tactfully. If you are lucky enough to go to Jinuo Mountain, you will soon find that some Jinuo men and women wear flowers on their earlobes, and some put flowers on them.It turns out that regardless of gender, Jino people have pierced their ears since childhood, and the presence or absence of pierced ears is a sign to judge a person's beauty or ugliness, diligence or laziness.Inserting flowers into the earholes is a manifestation of Jinuo people's love for beauty, and it is a symbol of love for young people. When a man and a woman are in love with each other, the girl will quietly give the two flowers tied with red thread to the young man, or insert them into the young man's ears with her own hands.Expressing love with flower arrangements is an expression of the beautiful feelings of Jino lovers.After the first love-"Ba Piao" stage where the two parties frequently meet in private, the love has changed from secret to public.Loving lovers work together during the day; at night, they whisper and cuddle to each other in the public house, a place where young people socialize.The best way to express the girl's heart is to ask the young man to paint his teeth with the ink made from pear wood smoke.The boy will return a piece of meat to the girl, which is a precious gift specially prepared by the boy's mother for the girl.Through open social activities, love is tested and sublimated, and a pair of young people who are passionately in love, naturally transfer from "Babao" - the stage of public love to "Barry", that is, the stage of cohabitation.When pursuing cohabitation, the young man takes the initiative, but the girl has the right to decide.When the boy makes a request tactfully, the girl will often give a signal, and find an opportunity to send an invitation signal, asking the boy to go home with her.In the early days of living together, the young man had to leave quietly before dawn.If the relationship gradually weakens, the cohabitation relationship can be terminated; if the relationship deepens and you decide to stay with you for life, the young man will not leave before dawn, but take a decisive action against the client: carrying water for the woman's house, sweeping the floor, and heating hot water Ask the girl's parents to wash their faces.He used this to announce to the world that he was going to marry this girl.

---

Notes: