Chapter 17 Novella Cousin-1

My cousin is a beautiful woman who is very demanding about things.She has no worries about food and clothing, and her parents left her a small bungalow in the suburbs.It was a very sentimental house covered with glazed tiles. There was a small courtyard behind the house, and there was a grape trellis in the courtyard.In summer, bunches of purple grapes protrude from the green leaves. Sitting there to enjoy the cool, smelling the fragrance of jasmine, and looking at the large rice fields in front of the house, it is really pleasing to the eye.Cousin doesn't need to work, her job is to tend her garden-like yard.In her thirties, wearing work clothes and holding a pair of large scissors, she looks very heroic in trimming small shrubs in the sun.With her graceful movements, thin beads of sweat covered her forehead.However, sometimes when I observe carefully, I can see a look of exhaustion on her pale face. She does not seem to be really intoxicated by the idyllic leisurely life in front of her, but rather wants to forget something through physical labor. .

I often think, what is the cousin dissatisfied with?What kind of life does she yearn for?From my chats with her, she has amply shown that she is not interested in men as she should be, and certainly not particularly disgusted, she just doesn't notice them.She was only surprised by the individual scoundrels who came to harass her.She's too preoccupied with her own business.As to what worries her about herself, I can never quite guess.For example, some time ago, she immersed herself in the writing of a letter, which was written to a female classmate in high school who lived in the same city as her.My cousin showed me the letter, and described the female classmate to me: "She is as gentle as catkins and poplar flowers, and her every move never leaves traces." The cousin's letter is actually very old-fashioned, nothing more than tacky reminiscences, full of Ridiculous polite remarks.In short, she wrote very naively, not like a letter written by a highly educated person at all, but like a village woman who can't read much.I put the letter down in bewilderment.

"I know you don't like the tone, and I don't like it, it's an undeliverable letter," she said, leaning on the table with one hand, "but I've tried my best here to write to her." , isn't it just to send it to her? I want to express my feelings for her." "Then send it out, I'll help you out." I said. "Of course not!" she cried violently, snatching up the letter, tearing it up, and throwing it into the wastebasket.She flushed with excitement. As far as I can remember, I wrote that letter for a week, and I don't know if it was sent out in the end.

She has a morbid obsession with gardening.She wanted to breed a purple-blue rose, but she had been trying to grow it for several years without success.Of course, the so-called failure is only relative to the color she imagined.The flowers seemed to me wonderful, some elegant grays, some hot reds, some erotic yellows.She was not satisfied at all, and angrily used a hoe to plan off all the flowers.In this way, she planted with hope, and then destroyed with despair.One day I stole two yellow roses while she was not paying attention and walked home, but she caught up with her and snatched them, and threw them on the ground viciously, saying that I was "looking for death" by doing this. .I was really frightened by her at that time, her face turned into a liver color, and her eyes were spitting fire.

In spite of these inexplicable weaknesses, my cousin seemed to me charismatic, and I never saw a person with such determination.She jokingly referred to me as a "little boy". I don't have any contact with her, but talk about her in private.My mother once mentioned that my cousin was born on a thunderstorm day, and when she landed, her ferocious cries overwhelmed the terrible thunder outside the window. "A girl like this came into this world to conquer others. Sure enough, her parents were killed." Mom shook her head and said.Her expression was not so much reproach as appreciation.

When I was twenty and my cousin was twenty-four years old, I saw my cousin experience a love affair.The man is a gardener (I think my cousin learned gardening from him).When they were in love, the two always sat with their knees hugged by the cornfield for a long time, neither hugging nor talking, at least I didn't see them have any intimate behavior.They also don't seem to avoid others.During the relationship, the cousin was in a trance, as if she couldn't see or hear anything.After a while, the man disappeared, and my cousin seemed happy and calm.I remember she said to me at the time that her boyfriend "gives her too much mental pressure". really loved him.At that time, I was too young, and felt that what she said was unreasonable and pretending, so I "hummed" from my nostrils as a statement.However, she never fell in love again.According to the conditions of the cousin, she is very attractive to men, so until now, there are still some men around her. They know that there is no hope, but they are still eager to show their charm in front of her.In the past two years, the contours of my cousin's face have become stiff, and her skin has become a little dry, but I have noticed that the vitality in her body is on the rise.Now she was reluctant to socialize, and she was more extreme in her actions.

The annual Spring Festival is here, and I start to feel restless again. Whenever the family gets together during the Spring Festival, I have the urge to leave.Usually I go to the south, rent a room in a seaside hotel, and stay in it to study chess records.There were also two times when I took my new girlfriend out, but both times we broke up midway.The first girlfriend was blown away like this, and the second girlfriend is still broken. I have a bold idea for the Spring Festival this year. I plan to ask my cousin to go on a trip together. I have many confusing things in my heart that I want to discuss with her.As soon as I made this suggestion, my cousin immediately agreed without thinking.She said that in previous years, her Spring Festival always passed without knowing it, and her life schedule was no different from the usual ones. She also wanted to "hunt for a surprise". Now she is very happy to be able to go out with her "little cousin" .

When we met at the train station, I saw that my cousin only brought a small bag with me, which probably contained a few changes of underwear.She was wearing homely clothes, the jeans she usually wears for work.Before the train left, her expression seemed a little bewildered.I thought to myself: My cousin has stayed in a hut in the suburbs for many years and has hardly left the city. Today must be a major change for her.I always thought she had an aversion to travel, but that doesn't seem to be the case now.The reason why she never went out was probably due to some other reason. I led her to our berth.I put my suitcase on the shelf, and my cousin sat still on her bunk with her small bag in her arms, watching her surroundings nervously.Mine was on top of hers, and I sat down beside her.In order to relax her, I got up and made a cup of tea for her and handed it to her.

"Ah!" She smiled apologetically, and put the purse in her arms on the pillow. "How many times has my cousin gone to other provinces?" I asked. "The third time. The first time was shortly after I was born, and my parents took me to visit my grandfather. The second time was when I traveled alone and escorted my parents' ashes back to my hometown." The cousin's eyes were still rolling when she spoke, watching the people coming and going in the car vigilantly. "How is the situation in my hometown now?" I was talking, trying to distract her.

"No idea. I have no contact with anyone there." Suddenly, she put the teacup on the table, her eyes straightened, and I looked around for a while, but found nothing unusual.But she blushed and lowered her voice and said to me: "The guy is walking back and forth here." "Who?!" "Hush!" She rubbed her hands, as if she was too nervous to sit still.I have never seen my cousin like this. She is calm and clear-headed.Fortunately, this situation lasted not long before she returned to normal.On the train that night, I heard my cousin sleeping soundly, and she even snored slightly.She lost all vigilance in her sleep, and even the small bag was brushed to the ground by her.I bent down to help her pick up the bag in the dim light, but she sat up suddenly, stared at me as if she didn’t know her, and said unhappily:

"what are you doing?" After speaking, he fell down and fell asleep again. I heard murmurs in the carriage, as if everyone was talking in sleep, and that situation gave me a feeling of sleepwalking.I went to the toilet, and when I got back to the berth, I saw my cousin throw her bag on the ground again.This time I didn't bother, I climbed into my bunk and lay down.I can't sleep anymore, I heard my cousin grinding her teeth vigorously on the lower bunk, as if she was gnashing her teeth with hatred for someone.I think people really can disguise themselves, even after living together for decades, don’t they still look like strangers?In the middle of the night, in this place where the location cannot be determined, anything is possible. At dawn, we arrived at B City, a small coastal town.The cousin looked a little haggard, and she complained that she hadn't slept well, because "the guy on the train" had been walking back and forth all night, and she couldn't relax for a moment.I told her I heard her snoring.She glanced at me and said that was the sound she made on purpose, just to fool people like me.I recalled the fierce look she had when she sat up at night, and I seemed to understand something. The winter in City B is very warm, the leaves are lush green, there are even two couples from different countries dancing on the avenue beside the street, and music is playing from the tape recorder on the ground.The hotel we booked is the one I often go to, which happens to be by the sea.When I came to the upstairs room and looked out the window, the beach was shining silver under the sun, the sand was white and fine, and there were many seagulls, flying to a small island ahead in groups.Because it was the Spring Festival, the hotel was very deserted. It seemed that the only customers who came were me and my cousin.This is exactly what I want.When I lived here before, there were only two or three guests in the entire hotel.There is a small stove in the kitchen, and there is an old chef who cooks for the guests, and the chef himself eats with the guests, so it seems a bit of a family atmosphere.I remember that once the old chef lit two red candles on the dining table, and he sang an incomprehensible folk song during the dinner.What a kind old man. We chose two guest rooms on the east side of the fifth floor so that we can watch the sunrise clearly. I had a good rest in the morning, and it was already afternoon when I woke up.When I got up and opened the curtains to look outside, I was terrified.I saw my cousin walking into the sea. She was wearing her overalls, and the seawater had already flooded her chest.She couldn't swim, and I remember she nearly drowned in the pool once. I slammed the window open and screamed hysterically, and I heard my own voice howling like a wolf.The cousin didn't respond, she was still walking forward, and the sea water had already covered her head.I didn't care about wearing my underwear, and ran downstairs like crazy, shouting, "Help me!" There were only the chef and the gatekeeper in the building, and they also ran behind me. I ran to the beach, but where is my cousin?Apparently she was screwed.My eyes turned black, I was terrified, and my heart was full of resentment towards her, so I sat on the beach with my head in my arms.Seeing me like this, the chef and the messenger also knelt down to comfort me. "Don't blame yourself too much, your cousin just took advantage of you." The chef said softly. I raised my head slightly and saw the meaningful expression on the chef's face, and my heart trembled. They came up and picked me up like I was a serious patient.So I was carried back to the hotel by them.I lay down on the bed again.The chef said: "You stay well", and then closed the door behind him. I lay on the bed thinking about everything that had just happened, and I still hated it.I hate my cousin, and I hate this sinister cook.What the hell is going on with this old guy?How can he act like he's my family?Cousin chose such a place to die, it really seems to be taking advantage of me.After such a scandal happened, of course I didn't have the heart to eat or something.What would mom think?I thought about the whole story over and over again, and I remembered the expression on my cousin's face when she promised me to travel.At that time, there was a greedy light in her eyes. It was the kind of greed that was about to pick up a gold ingot. It was not at all like her usual indifference.I should have noticed her strange behavior, but I just didn't think about it.And her perversion on the train later, it was like a different person, how could she still look like a reserved beauty?But even if I noticed her abnormalities at the time, I couldn't have foreseen that she would use my trust in her to destroy my peaceful life and push me into the fire pit.In my impression, she is by no means such a cruel woman.But when I thought about the mystery of her boyfriend's disappearance, I was not sure about this again.Maybe she happened to be such a cruel woman?When I was twelve years old, in order to exercise my courage, she tricked me into a distant mountain, but she ran away by herself.I still remember crying and running around in the mountains, my face was bleeding from being stabbed by firewood.Strange, I didn't hold any grudges against her that time.Later, we finally met again at the foot of the mountain. I listened to her repeatedly scolding me with relief, and I also thought that it was me who was wrong.It wasn't until now when I thought about it again that I realized it was her trick.Because my cousin is beautiful, she never accommodates anything, and this temperament makes her extra troubled and painful.I think she could have lived quite contentedly.She showed extraordinary talents when she was very young, and she won the highest award in several fashion design competitions in a row.But she soon gave up designing clothes and fell in love with gardening.Finally, she became a single woman with nothing to do.I don't know what her hobbies are.The year before last, she was very addicted to chess, shutting herself in the room for several months to study chess records.Her persistent interest to this day is gardening, but she does not have a complete plan.When she was in a bad mood, she neglected to take care of the flowers and plants in the garden and let them wither.And she is often in a bad mood in spring when the flowers are about to plant.I opened the door and went in, and saw her sitting in the dark room with her arms moving.I asked her what she was doing and she said she was weaving a fishing net.I asked her where the fish were caught and she flew into a fit of rage and accused me of always asking stupid things I shouldn't have asked.I stood in her room that had been turned into a secret room, feeling very depressed, so I found a vague excuse to get out.According to my observation, my cousin did not go fishing at all, and when I went to her house later, I never saw the shadow of the fishing net.Spring was over, and she began to plant flowers.Yet the flowers she cultivated were still beautiful, and that was because she was always having one inspiration after another as she worked.It seems that when she grows flowers, she becomes flowers, and when she designs clothes, she becomes those elusive, flowing clothes.Thinking of this, a thought suddenly flashed in my mind, and the stone that was pressing on my heart became loose.I thought maybe... My stomach suddenly became hungry.I went down to the dining room, where the cook and the porter were drinking.I sat down silently among them, and the chef handed me the wine glass, bowl and chopsticks.I ate a dish first, and then started to drink.The wine is home-brewed rice wine, which seems to have very low alcohol content.After I finished my glass, the chef immediately filled it up for me.After three glasses of wine, my distress disappeared.The figure of the cook dwindled to me, and the porter disappeared.I poured myself another glass and took a sip.Then I saw the cook squatting on the table between the cups and plates, dipping his rough old face into a bowl of soup.Then he raised his swollen face and smiled obscenely at me. "Your cousin is really a person who knows how to enjoy!" He said cheerfully, "Me and her, just had a good time in this kitchen!" "Her and you?!" There was a boom in my head. "She's my woman now." I don't remember how I got to the beach again, it seems like the chef pushed me out.I walked slowly along the white sandy beach, and the sun shone warmly on my body.As I walked, I saw the chef again. His body was only as big as a chicken.He squatted in the sand and dug a hole that probably fit a golf ball.He digs intently with his tiny shovel, ignoring me standing by.I found that although the chef is old, his body is still full of muscles. Maybe his aging face is just an illusion.I turned around and looked, we were at the place where my cousin threw herself into the sea, and I saw everything from the window on the fifth floor.I left the chef and walked forward, my mood was extremely excited, maybe it was the effect of the wine just now.The stone in my heart was completely lifted, I felt that something was going to happen, and I felt that life was not gloomy at all, but full of the possibility of adventure. The cousin appeared behind a rock.She waded through the shallows and came to me in a few moments.Her cheeks were blue, but her clothes were dry. "So you're still alive!" "Bah!" she said with a wry smile. "It's all a prank on that guy." Her expression showed the opposite meaning, her eyes were bright, she seemed to have endless interest in what she had experienced, and she seemed to be stuck in memory. "The old cook said something insulting to you," I said flatteringly. She was taken aback, then laughed. "Is he old? You blind man, how do you see people?" I was a little ashamed of being ridiculed by her, but I couldn't get rid of the confusion in my heart. My cousin took my arm and talked as she walked, I think she smelled that I had already drunk that kind of rice wine.That's good, she said, a new life is already unfolding before our eyes.As for herself, she drank with the cook as soon as she arrived at the hotel, or how could she have the courage to go into the sea?She used to be afraid of water when she saw it.I glanced at my cousin and saw that when she said this, her blue cheeks turned red.She also kicked the sand with her bare feet while walking. Those feet were very strong and flexible. I had never noticed that her feet were so beautiful before, nor did I find that she was still so lively. "Drink that wine and see life for what it is!" she said, very intimately, close to my face. "Don't you think? When I was at home, tending my little garden, I just thought something was going to happen between you and me. I thought, what could it be? And here we are." My cousin made a gesture that was very strange to me. She seemed to be calling for something in the sky.I looked up quickly, but saw nothing, so I suspected that she was playing tricks on me.But that's not the case, she didn't notice me, she pointed a palm at the tip of her nose, and muttered something.After a while, there were two sounds of "pop! Pop!", and two seagulls fell in front of us. They struggled a few times in the sand and died. "What's going on?" I was so frightened that my face changed color, and I was mostly sober from the wine. "I saw them circling in mid-air, looking for their graves, and how they came down in such a hurry! Yesterday on the little island over there, they fell to the ground like a torrential rain and died in piles. A place like that... " "Did you meet the cook on that island?" "Hey, naughty ghost, how do you know?" My cousin's eyes flashed. I remembered that the old chef was still here just now, so I looked around.My cousin looked at me and laughed.The old man walked out quickly from behind the rock, his lustful face trembling, as if he wanted to swallow his cousin.They were looking at each other across my body, I wanted to let go, but my cousin clung to me tightly.And the cook, as if deliberately keeping a little distance from his cousin, made a lot of ugly appearances there.I couldn't bear it anymore, so I yelled and threw off my cousin to run away.But my cousin rushed up, grabbed me again, twisted my wrist even more tightly, and said in a low voice, "You silly boy." Can't move.Now I can experience the grip strength of this gardener!The chef was also very angry when he saw me struggling. He called me "I don't know what to do" and helped my cousin trip me, causing me to fall to the ground.Seeing that I fell, he still didn't understand his hatred, and kicked me in the waist again.By the time I got up in embarrassment, the chef had already left.My cousin looked at me frowningly and shook her head. "Cousin, don't look down on me like that. I'm not as stupid as you think. I can learn." Even I didn't expect that I would say such a thing. The cousin stretched her brows and asked me back: "Really?" "certainly." I recalled the feeling of her callused palms, and there was a tender feeling in my heart that I had never felt before. It was a real brother-sister relationship.Why have I never fallen in love with my cousin?I've lived with a few girls, and I've been madly in love with two, and I'm not too old even now, but as far as my cousin is concerned, I really don't have the slightest desire for her.Probably because I have been used to treating her as a family member since I was a child, and I have no special desire for her. In fact, I have no blood relationship with her.After tracing it, what really makes me feel separated is her elusive inner world.Sometimes, I feel that I am like-minded with her, and even have a feeling of "complicity"; but most of the time, I feel that I am thousands of miles away from her, her every move is unpredictable, and her world completely excludes me.Like this trip.At first I felt equal to her, but in the end she took me for a fool.Such a person tells me how dare I have unreasonable thoughts about her?But to be honest, I never thought of going deep into my cousin's heart. My admiration for her seems to be innate.I don't care about many things if I can't figure them out, and I put them off in the future, thinking that one day the truth will come to light.This character of mine was obviously scorned by my cousin.One day we sat drinking tea under the grape arbor, and she suddenly said to me: "The longer a person lives, the greater the mystery, and then people become like shadows of trees under the moonlight. Have you ever noticed those shadows of trees?" Every moment is completely different." I didn't know what she was referring to at the time, and she didn't seem to be talking to me at all, she was preoccupied with one obsessive thought every moment. But my cousin didn't care about enlightening me, she had her own business.Back in the hotel room she forgot about me.Instead, I saw the cook sneaking into her room, and the messenger followed him in.Images of the three of them naked together fapping flashed through my mind like lightning, and I had a gut-wrenching feeling.The chef was dirty, and his beard was stained with soup and water when he ate.Cousin is such a clean person, why did she get along with him?At the beginning, I chose this hotel because it was very clean and the service was good, but I was not used to the lack of hygiene of the chef.For example, the cooking spatula falls on the ground, picks it up and continues cooking.In addition, the kitchen is in a mess, rats are rampant, and cockroaches are crawling on the pot cover, which is completely inconsistent with the housekeeping department.The chef made up for his indolence by his kindness and hospitality.Later, I didn't care about the hygiene of the food. Anyway, it tastes good, so let's eat it with eyes closed.The dishes made by the chef can arouse our appetite, often with a glass of wine, I immediately feel that the world becomes warm and sad.One night I cried bitterly in front of the big red candle he lit, and my heart became much brighter after crying.I used to secretly call the chef's dinner a "homesick dinner." What I missed was not my hometown, but a place I didn't know.Because of this, I have mixed feelings about chefs, not all disgust or jealousy, but something else.I said in my heart, chef, chef, you old pervert, why do you have to find my cousin?Wouldn't it be enough to just find a village woman in the nearby suburbs?You must know that my cousin is a highly educated woman with a rich and sensitive soul.But I clearly knew that it wasn't the chef wishing to find his cousin.Judging by my cousin's expression, maybe she was the one who took the initiative to find him!Could it be that the problem is the chef's rice wine?Could it be that the wine contained a psychedelic aphrodisiac?Didn't I already hallucinate? ! The more I thought about it, the more uneasy I became, and I decided to investigate.It was already dark, as if there was something wrong with the electrical circuit in the hotel, and it was dark everywhere.I went to the kitchen familiarly, and heard the three of them talking and laughing inside.I can't see them, but they see me.The cousin first laughed with a "chi". "Jiawei, you are so familiar with this hotel!" My cousin said in the dark. "Are we going to drink rice wine again today?" I shouted defiantly. "I've already finished the wine, and I don't want to drink any more." The chef replied in a vague, erotic voice. My hand was pinched hard by my cousin, and I cried out.Then she handed me a large bowl and let me eat from it.I reached for a small spoon and ate it.The food cooked by the chef was as delicious as before, but it was dark, and the four of them didn't speak, and the atmosphere was very strange.I was about to go back to the guest room after eating, when my cousin broke the silence: "No matter how delicious you give him, you can't buy him off." She even referred to the chef as "you"!And she sided with him to accuse me! Angry and terrified, I hurried back to the guest room, completely forgetting about the investigation.Just let those two men and one woman have sex, what does it matter to me?After the exhaustion of this day, I just want to sleep well and let these inexplicable troubles disappear in my dreams.If possible, it is best to leave this place of right and wrong tomorrow and return to the place of right and wrong of the family members who are used to it.Thinking of this, I remembered the "homesickness dinner" again, so I smiled wryly as I went upstairs. The light came on as soon as I entered the room, and when I looked outside, the entire hotel was lit up.The sea breeze made the sea water murmur, and the snow-white sheets were filled with pure warmth. I went into the bathroom, took a shower, and lay down.I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the fluffy pillow, and I forgot to turn off the light.But after a while I woke up again because my cousin rushed in. My cousin has disheveled hair, a bruised nose and swollen face, and a strange light in her blood-red eyes.She curled up on the sofa, trembling.I found that she was running barefoot all the way. I clenched my fists, filled with righteous indignation, completely forgetting that I was going to alienate her earlier.If the chef had been in front of me, I would have beaten him half to death.I bent down and asked my cousin what was going on. I asked several times and still couldn't get an answer.She buried her head between her knees, trembling.In desperation, I decided to go to the chef to settle the score.I fell down as soon as I took a step. It was my cousin who pushed me fiercely from behind.Her pushing down made my mind sober a lot.I thought, since my cousin still has such strength to push me, she must not be seriously injured.Besides, what kind of situation the sexual relationship between her and the chef is like is beyond my imagination.Maybe she's a masochist herself, the chef is like one of those guys who is good at it and has a lot of tricks.In this way, I felt ashamed of my childish impulse again.Why am I always so childish? I am always willing to associate my cousin with the quiet little bungalow under the vines.Just like yesterday, she was trimming those shrubs with vigorous swings of her elastic arms in jeans and a cloth shirt that smelled of soap.Her short, hedgehog-like hair was slightly brownish-yellow because of years of exposure to the sun.But now, my mind is filled with obscene images of her writhing naked with the cook and the porter.For that damned old man, she doesn't even look down on my cousin.Just like at this moment, how can I guess what she needs?She curled up her injured body as if she was about to fall asleep.Maybe she plans to sleep on my sofa in the middle of the night; maybe the cooks are occupying her bed, and she just has an aversion to them at the moment; But I never dreamed that my cousin would act like a baby. Since my cousin doesn't need my help, I'd better sleep on my own.How pleasant the warm southern evenings would be without all this nonsense!The bedding and pillows were still fluffy and soft, the bed was fine, but the sleep left me.It's not because my cousin is in the room. My cousin is motionless, as if dead, so I hardly pay attention to her.What disturbed my sleep was the scent of a flower, that flower may have grown on grass or trees, I can't remember, but the scent was very familiar.Now the whole room is full of this fragrance, and it is a bit like the smell of the wound of a freshly cut tree.After I smelled it, my mind was filled with memories, and I remembered the wolves in various poses on the hill, with the evening sky against them, like a series of silhouettes.In order to stop thinking about it, I got up and went to close the window again, but it didn't help.Throughout the second half of the night, the wolves jumped and howled vividly, looking extremely manic.I got up again, this time to turn off the lights.As soon as the light was turned off, I felt that I was no longer in the room, or rather the room no longer existed. The dead grass creaked under my feet, and the leaves of the bushes brushed my face.Not far in front of me, my cousin was speaking obscene language in a hasty tone. I couldn't see her, and my face became hot after hearing her words.The sky was like a big black curtain, not a ray of light could come through, and I stood where I was, not daring to move.Suddenly my cousin called out my name and said something provocative and obscene to me, I couldn't believe my ears.I was both a little sick and a little agitated.I groped my way to where her voice was coming from, when something even stranger happened.I heard my cousin's voice, I could even hear her snort, but no matter which direction I groped, I couldn't touch her body.It was as if she had turned into a ghost. She spoke again, this time to the cook.She seemed to be held in the arms of the old man, and lustful moans kept coming out of her throat. "Cousin!!" I roared out. "What are you doing?" she asked reproachfully, stopping her moaning. "I can hear you, why can't I reach you?" "Hmph, you just have to be a little more patient. You..." The cook interrupted her, and the two made hideous copulating sounds in the bushes.The voice of the old man was actually sandwiched between them. The guy hoarse his throat, as if he was judging the quality of the two people's sexual intercourse.Although I was very angry, I was unknowingly attracted by the old man's voice.In the end, I actually listened carefully, not letting go of any details he said.But I myself did not have the kind of sexual impulse that a person who is in the scene should have.I'm just listening, just interested.In the end, I actually found that there was a strange charm in this dirty old man's voice, which was almost irresistible.Am I insane?I pulled my hair and immediately felt the pain.At this time, I heard my cousin laughing, she laughed at me and said: "Look, he wants to shrink back into his shell again, what an independent person he is!" She seemed to be riding on the chef's stomach when she said this, and the chef made a muffled voice from below her: "Then drive him away! This bastard has more success than evil..." I bent my waist and burrowed deep into a mass of dark bushes. The jagged blades of grass made my face painful, numb, and bleeding.I wanted to avoid them and hide. I covered my face with both hands and rushed forward. The back of my hand was scratched and bled again.I was running wild like a hunted animal, and yet, no matter which direction or how far I went, the three men were always close at hand.They focus on their sex games, sometimes laughing, sometimes panting, but stop paying attention to me, they forget about me.I secretly cried out in my heart: "Cousin, cousin, why didn't you let me go?" I didn't remember until now that when I asked her out for a trip, she blinked and made a face at me.I didn't think about it at all at the time. Cousin is aloof and does her own way. Even when she is in love, she looks indifferent to others. No one can figure out what medicine she sells in her gourd.Only my mother, although she didn't get along with her, admired her from beginning to end.If mother saw her like this, would she still appreciate it?According to my observations, my mother hated sex very much, and it had long since ceased to exist between her and my father.That's why I never bring my live-in girl home, and she just happens to be too lazy to ask me about it.My mother liked my cousin before, so she must have liked her indifference in sexual matters.In those years, young men often stood under her window all night, and some even sang folk songs.One morning, I went to my cousin's house to borrow a flowerpot, and saw a poor fellow sleeping soundly on the steps of her house, with the sun shining on his face, and he was chewing and eating in his dreams.梳洗得精精致致的表姐从里面出来了，她抬起脚尖踢了踢那男的，见踢不醒，就不理他了。当时我还说了一句："癞蛤蟆想吃天鹅肉。"表姐听了很高兴。看来她一直在隐藏她的本性，究竟是为了什么呢？她是爱过她的惟一的男朋友的，为此她自己还学会了园艺，有什么越不过去的障碍在他们之间呢？难道惟有这种令人恶心的堕落才能尽情发挥她的本性？这个本性又到底是怎么回事？还有我母亲，到底欣赏她的什么地方？ 看来一切都早就在她的心里策划过了，这个狐狸一样的女人。上个星期三，我鬼使神差般地邀请了她出来旅行，我的邀请正好同她的某种念头暗合，她于是顺水推舟，把我带进了她的内心世界。在这个飘忽的世界里，一切都变了形，我完全摸不着头脑，当我用原先的标准来思考问题时，我的想法总被击得粉碎，我什么都想不清。如果住在葡萄架下的平房里的表姐生得不是那么美丽，如果我没有看见她一年到头在干园艺工作，也许我的情绪还容易转弯一点。想到这里，心底又不知不觉地升起那种该死的伤感。我闭上眼，心想这样也许就回到旅馆房间去了。 有人在我的后颈窝哈气，然后一只手臂伸过来将我搀扶起来。当我睁开眼时，我真的又回到了房间，是表姐搀着我回来的。 这回房里的灯都没开，表姐瘦俏的身影立在巨大的玻璃窗前，似乎在倾听海水的呢喃。隔着一张大床，我在房间这边凝视着她那模模糊糊的形象，比先前越发惊讶不已。 "家伟，培育玫瑰花的方法问题，我已经找出一部分答案来了。" 她突然说出这种一本正经的话来，吓了我一大跳。 我还没来得及问她，她又恢复了那种轻佻的语调： "你这个小坏蛋，为什么你不爱我？" "表姐，表姐，我们离开这里吧。" "呸，真恶心啊!" 她不理睬我了，将她的头尽力伸出去，伸向茫茫的黑夜。她似乎在向外面的某个人说话，激动地耸着肩。这么黑，有谁能看见她呢？表姐的精力是多么旺盛啊！我困得要命，眼皮很快粘上了。 我在房间里醒来，在四周仔细察看了一番，我根本找不出表姐昨夜来过的痕迹。窗户关得好好的，门也插上了，不可能有人进到房间里来。我洗漱完毕，穿好衣就下楼去吃早饭。 厨师为我准备了包子和豆浆。他端过来时，我狠狠地瞅了他几眼。奇怪，他身上一点都看不出异样。老头顺着眼皮，完全是那种清心寡欲的样子，同我过去看到他唱山歌的样子一样。 "我表姐起来了么？"我阴险地问道。 "什么？"他的耳朵又变得同从前一样有点聋了。 我见问不出名堂，就埋下头喝我的豆浆。他也在喝，一边喝一边像某些老人一样很响地打屁，我听了只想笑。 吃完我就要走，我打算结了账回家去。厨师在餐具室那边对我招了招手，我纳闷地走近他，心里提防着，怕他又要搞什么花样。 他叫我坐到窗子旁边去，他有点心事重重的样子。那扇窗正对着海，令人心旷神怡。厨师用含糊的声音叫我等一等。 我等了一会儿，就看见了赤身裸体的表姐的背影。因为从未见过表姐的身体的缘故，我吓了一跳。她坐在海滩边，还有同样是赤身裸体的传达老头坐在她身旁，两人正在戏水玩。不知怎么表姐看上去很瘦，肋骨一轮一轮的，而她穿着衣服时是比较丰满的。也许是这几天的劳累让她失掉了体重，她有些可怜相。厨师也在窗前看，但是我发现他的目光不是注视表姐他们，他注视着海的尽头，表情很迷惑，一点都不像他平时了。 "为什么你不去和她在一起？" "你说什么？"他将耳朵凑到我脸前。 我知道我又白问了。 厨师一边用两枚硬币夹掉脸上的胡子一边对我说： "我有一个母亲，今年九十岁了。一个人可以活得这么长，你相信有这种事么？" "有的人还活到一百多岁。" "难以想出是怎么回事。五十年了，我从来没有回去过一次。万一我同母亲活得一样长，我会怎样来打发日子呢？" "这种事用不着考虑。" "嘘！必须考虑。我可不是那种玩世不恭的人。" 表姐起身了，她下到海里，海水一下就淹没了她的头顶，那老头也被淹没了。我的心又抑制不住地跳了起来。回想起前天的事，我厌恶地离开了窗口。但我并没有放下心来，而是警觉地倾听着。 厨师早已收回了他的目光，正坐在板凳上闷头抽烟。他用一条腿架在门框上，好像要防止我逃走一样。我的确该走了，但我打不定主意如何向他开口。我正拿不定主意，他的腿又放下来了，于是我走出门去。 我匆匆收拾好行李，下到楼下的服务台，找那个长脸盘的小姐结账。小姐结完账后问我： "你一个人就这么样走了啊？" 她似乎话里有话，我因为怕节外生枝，就不去问她。 没想到我还没跨出门，她就歇斯底里地大叫起来： "这个人要逃走了，天哪！！" 我听见一阵门响，从柜台两边的门里头出来了几个人，他们分别是厨师、传达、表姐，还有一名不认识的中年男子。那名中年男子长得有点像表姐从前的男友，不知道是不是那个人。他们挡住我的去路，一个个阴沉着脸，好像我做了什么大逆不道的事一样。 "你怎么可以这样？"表姐愤怒地问我。 "我想，可能你不需要我陪伴了，我应该知趣。" "你这个懦夫，呸！" 这时厨师在她身后谄媚地说： "这个人啊，我挡都挡他不住!" 我注意到表姐的头发还是湿淋淋的，显然刚从海里出来。他们这些人竟然这么在乎我是否呆在这里，这倒出乎我的意料。我一直觉得我在他们的圈子之外，完全不懂他们的情趣，也不知他们在干些什么。倒是表姐，一来就同他们一见如故，把我蒙在鼓里。他们不由分说地提着我的包又进了电梯间，我也被他们推了进去。我被挤在一个角落里，那名中年男子紧挨我站着。我现在可以确定了，他就是表姐从前的男友。他并不是老老实实地站在我旁边，而是伸出一只苍白狭长的手猥亵地捏我的屁股。他的举动把我气坏了，我使尽全力推开他的手。他"嘿嘿"地笑着，对着被打红了的手哈气。表姐扭过头来瞪了我一眼，然后又给了她男友一个飞吻。我心里冲动着，真想当众揭露这个性变态者。可我一想到"性变态"三个字马上又泄气了。表姐算不算性变态？我自己算不算性变态？我不是面对表姐美丽的肉体毫无欲望吗？ 到了五楼，那三个男的将我和表姐猛地推进一间放工具的黑房间，然后从外面"哗啦哗啦"地锁上了门。这间窄小的房间连个窗户都没有，仅仅门上钻了几个洞，好像是专为给我们呼吸用的。一开始我什么都看不见，我连表姐站在哪个方位都不知道。过了好一气，才听见她在我的右边幽幽地说： "为了那些玫瑰，我真是丝毫也不敢松懈啊。其实，我真的培育出了那种特殊的品种，只不过是性急了一点，等不到它们开花就毁掉了它们。在那些个阴雨天里，我生怕你闯来搅了我的好梦。我举着雨伞在葡萄架下倾听，那些须叶往上窜的声音使我脸上一阵阵发热……家伟，你该不是在装蒜吧？我看见你那种样子就有气。" "我自己也对自己有气。" "不要油腔滑调好不好？我对你的期望是非常高的。" 我听见她用一把梳子梳着她的湿头发，那头发"喀嚓"作响，很惨痛。我的手往旁边探了探，摸到了那些扫帚拖把。房里几乎放满了清洁工具，我似乎是寸步难移，既不能动，也不能坐，这令我很烦躁。但表姐一下一下梳着头，镇定自若。到海边以来，她好像第一次找到了一个机会来抒发她心里的那些阴沉沉的诗意情绪。她又说起白蚁的事，说起先还只在葡萄架的柱子上发现它们，后来连卧房里都有了，有一天她一脚就踏死了七八只。为治白蚁，她在防疫站与家里之间整整奔波了一个夏天，头发都晒黄了。 开始我还认真听着她的叙旧，因为表姐的声音的确很有感染力，一下子就将我带到了那明媚的小屋周围，我真的闻到了葡萄叶的清香。可是这种飘忽的事说个没完就抓不住我的注意力了。我虽一声不吭，其实张着耳朵在听外头的响动，我盼望那几个人快点打开这道门。表姐好像觉察到了我的心思，她嘲笑说： "你想摆脱的事正好是我追求的事，世事阴差阳错。" 她说了这句就住口了。过了一会儿她又催促我迈一迈步试试看，还说不要这么谨小慎微的。我伸脚往前一踩，踢翻了一只水桶，水流了一地。表姐乐了，说"这就像大象到了瓷器店。" 时间过去了好久他们还不开门，我突然产生了恐惧：万一他们根本不来开门了呢？我伸手摸了摸，发现这门居然是一道铁门！我问表姐为什么要把我们关在这种地方，她说她也不知道，大概是为了促使我们反省自己的行为吧。表姐说完这句话还"格格"地笑了起来，一点都不像她平日的作派。我一动不动地站在那里，腿子都站酸了。我就试着坐下来，我刚一下蹲，那些拖把、扫帚就"劈劈啪啪"地倒在我身上，弄得一身很臭。待我好不容易挪出一点点地方来站稳了，这才发觉表姐不见了，也许她是趁乱打开门跑掉了。糟糕的是房里有个自来水龙头突然吼了起来，接着就冒出了大股的水。我连忙起身去关龙头，但我过不去，密密麻麻的拖把和扫帚塞满了房子，根本找不到插脚的地方。一会儿脏兮兮的水就淹到了我的脚背，然后顺着门底下的那条缝往外流。我身上又湿又臭，我简直要发狂了。 "啊！啊……"我嚎叫道。 门马上开了。那四个人都站在门口，他们很郑重地打量我。 "他的忍耐力很有限。"表姐的男朋友说道。 我气急败坏地跳到门外，不理他们，埋头往我住过的房间走。我认为我的行李箱子在那里面。当我走到房间门口时，门却锁上了，进不去。回头一看，他们四个人也都跟来了。 "瞧他的思路多么有条理啊!"又是表姐的男朋友说话。 我的钱都放在箱子里头了，拿不到箱子就无法动身回家。我只好转过身来面对他们。这一下他们似乎很高兴。 "他终于面对我们了。"还是那同一个人说话，"现在你感觉如何？" 厨师慢吞吞地打开房间的门，房里没有我的箱子。这时表姐的男朋友建议我到窗前去"看海"。我不肯去，他就和厨师两人使出大力气将我架到窗前去。两人都死死地箍住我。我眼前的海很平静，海鸥都不见了，所以没什么可看的。 "真的没什么可看的么？不要等会儿又犯错误啊!"厨师提醒我说。 于是我用力看。我一用力眼就花了，眼前一片白花花的，想要分辨点什么都不可能。我转过身来再看房里，还是一片白花花的。我听见厨师又说： "他就是不相信自己的眼睛。" 然后我又听到表姐和他在床上搞性游戏，再后来她男友也加入了。三人在一块闹腾得厉害。同时，那传达老头的声音不断从角落里发出来，他在呻吟，不知道他心里有什么痛苦。 我因为眼睛看不见，就摸索着向门那边移动，我想我到了走廊里也许就看得见了。我终于摸到了门口，打开门就到了走廊里，然后又摸着往前。奇怪，过了这么久眼前还是白花花的。这时一个念头冒了出来：要是我脱离了表姐，而我又一直看不见，口袋里也没钱，那么什么事会发生在我身上呢？这个念头令我发抖，我站了一会儿又回转身，想摸回原来的房间。但是那间房已经锁上了，我把耳朵伏在上面听也听不到一点声音，我用力敲也没人回答。我心里一下子觉得恐怖极了。我继续往前，每一间房的门都去敲一下，我把这一层全走遍了，还是没人回答我。我只好摸着下楼到厨房去。幸亏我对这房子的结构很清楚，虽看不见，倒也顺顺当当地下到了厨房。我估计厨师总要回到这里来的，他总不能不做饭吧。我进了烹调间，用脚探到了一只板凳就坐了下来。我打算坐在这里等他们来。我努力回忆我怎么会失去了视力的。看来一切都坏在我不该"用力看"，我那么一用力，反倒什么都看不见了。 老鼠在周围闹得欢，有几只竟从我脚背上跑过去，猖狂极了。突然我的大脚趾像被什么东西刺了一下，原来是一只老鼠咬破了我穿的布鞋。我霍地站起来，再也不敢坐着不动了。但老在厨房里走来走去的也很烦，我盼望着快来人。刚才我还急着要避开他们，现在又盼着他们到来，我对自己的念头不禁哑然失笑。这一笑，眼前就出现了模模糊糊的形状。有了上次的教训，我就不再用力看了，我想让视力自然而然恢复。我在厨房转了几个圈之后，就渐渐地能够分辨煤气灶、大锅子、铲子、洗菜池、抽油烟机等等等等了。虽然像隔着一层薄膜，毕竟是可以看见了，这下我大大松了口气。我当然不愿再待在这老鼠横行的处所了，我要到外面去。我经过旅馆大堂时，看见柜台前面一个人都没有，这实在是不合常情的。 我来到了银色的沙滩上。没有海鸥，也没有风，被薄膜罩着的海水令我想起吃人的鲨鱼。因找不到行李箱无法行动，我只能沿着海边走来走去的。对表姐的怨恨又在心里复苏了。我现在将她同某种邪恶连在一起了，我决心回家后渐渐疏远她，免得她来破坏我的生活。可是我怎样回家呢？看来我还须等待，等一个转机到来。我连打电话的钱都没有了，不然的话，我就要打电话给妈妈，让她带着钱来解救我。也许我该现在就到街上的餐馆里去打几天工，弄点钱。可是现在是过年，餐馆全关闭了，上哪里去打工呢？