Chapter 10 Novella Murloc-2

Sentence to wait at home.He thought in a trance: Maybe it's waiting for Huiyuan, or who else?But Hui Yuan didn't come for several days, so he was a little discouraged.The clothes hanging out in the morning were drenched by the heavy rain again, and now hanging in the room smells like a spoiled smell, and after a while, I just think about it in this rotten air.In the morning he saw the old woman get up and walk into the yard with the help of the moth. She had lost a lot of weight and was wrapped in a large black blouse. You can lift her up.The moth put his arms around her cautiously, whispering some affectionate words in his mouth.They met in the yard, and they wanted to talk to the old woman, but the old woman was so immersed in fantasy that she didn't see him at all.Moth glared at him maliciously and kicked impatiently, so he had to walk away dejectedly.Not long after returning to the room, he heard the mother and daughter discussing in low voices, but he was no longer the center of the discussion, which made him feel inexplicably sad again.Of course, they didn't really pay attention to him. Thinking about the past few decades, he always thought that he had a cold relationship with the Moth family, but he didn't expect that to be the case at all.Recently, he had been with them a lot, and he had fantasies, thinking that they would always pay attention to him, but that was not the case.Recently he has become abnormal, he feels wronged when they ignore him, and disgusted when they hold him.Once again, I feel that my judgment is always very wrong, and I feel that the most elusive people are often the few people I am most familiar with.The workers in the fish farm are also profound, but they are simple, dull, and little changed, at least on the surface.Except for Qiye, he had never seen any expressions on those people's faces, they were always the same dull and eternal faces.In other words, if he gets along with these workers, he is very sure that he can handle the relationship with them well.How does Qiye see himself?He leads the workers, and his attitude is perhaps their attitude?If so, how can he get along well with the workers?He asked Hui Yuan to go to the fishing ground as well, it was just a teasing statement, Hui Yuan would not go, he had already said that.It can also be seen from Hui Yuan's attitude that he knows the fishing ground very well, maybe he used to go to the fishing ground when he was young, but he doesn't go now, and the old woman is the same.He didn't know anything about what happened under his nose in the early years.Why did the workers in the fishery always give him a kind feeling, but this Seventh Master, once he got on the street, he became disgusted?In other words, I remembered that I hadn’t seen that big-headed worker for a long time, and it’s true that he hasn’t stood by the side of the road for a long time, looking into the fishery for a long time, and he seemed busier than before. A lot, but what are you busy with?Memories made him sad, he didn't want to go back to the peaceful days before, he also knew that calm was only superficial, it was a long brewing stage before the storm, but after all, it made him miss it endlessly.At that time, there were neither peddlers nor old women in his life, and Qi Ye was just an ordinary acquaintance, everything was so simple.At that time, he even had a hunting plan, and bought a shotgun to keep at home for this purpose, although it was just a spur of the moment.Now his life has become surprisingly complicated.First, no matter what he was doing in his own home, he always felt that the walls had ears.Even for such trivial things as going out for a walk, there are often people who pay attention to him behind his back and evaluate his behavior.Secondly, his own thinking is far less pure than before. Hui Yuan, the old woman and Qi Ye messed up his thinking, which invisibly accelerated his slow pace of life.Not so long ago, sitting on the kitchen bench eating noodles, he was still imagining what would happen before the end, thinking that his days were numbered, that he would go to that day step by step, and there would never be another day. An accident happened.But now everything is messed up.

After the sentence, I was impatient to wait, so I took an umbrella and went outside.He didn't want to go out on the street, didn't want to meet Hui Yuan on the street, because it seemed like he was looking for him on purpose, and he didn't want to give him that impression.He picked a small path from the side of the vegetable field and walked forward. The vegetable farmer who was talking to him that night saw him and immediately put down his hoe and watched him from under the bamboo hat. This made him very angry, and he turned his umbrella away. Block that person's view.Unexpectedly, the man was not reconciled, and shouted after him:

"It's raining so much, where are you going?" The voice seemed to be begging him, begging for what?The man followed him for a while, but when he didn't look back, he had to give up.This kind of thing made him angry and funny.He said to himself, "I can't even get rid of it." He walked in a daze among the vegetable fields until he reached the border with the fishing ground.Stand close and look at the fish pond.There was a vast expanse of whiteness in the rain, and no one was seen.The wind blew over from the pond, and the slanting rain wet his pants, so he turned around and went home the same way, but the sky was gradually darkening.When he was about to get home, he suddenly found that the vegetable farmer was still standing there, leaning on a hoe and watching him pass by blankly.Ju Le's legs moved awkwardly in the drenched trousers, and ran past the man's nose almost as if fleeing.

Back in the room, I changed my wet trousers and overshoes, and felt that my actions just now were really childish. At such an age, if I went crazy in the rain, it would be over if I caught a bad cold.I don't know why, I went to the fish pond as soon as I left, but fortunately I didn't meet Qi Ye, my appearance at that time must have been indecent.Thinking about it again, I am already quite old, and I still pay so much attention to my image, and I feel a little pitiful.Doesn't the moth take pity on itself for that?He's really hard to change.The lights next door were turned off early, and there was no sound at all.At such times, he would have liked to hear some chatter from them, no matter who they were talking about, it was better than this silence.This feeling of waiting in vain has come frequently recently, completely disturbing his state of mind.Why have the idea of ​​waiting?This idea was triggered by the fact that Hui Yuan asked him to borrow money. In this matter, Hui Yuan seemed to be anticlimactic, and he just started and let it go, as if he had forgotten the unreasonable request he made earlier.I heard people say that it is true that Huiyuan is short of money, and he owes money to others.But why is he not in a hurry?Not only was he not in a hurry, but he seemed to be savoring his own situation.He came up to him, sat at the table and smoked, as if he were reading his face.And even though Ju Liao felt that this fact was absurd, he still waited for him at home.Who else could he wait for?Only Hui Yuan in this world said to him: "I will come again."

At dawn, I was awakened by the crying of the next door. It was a moth crying, and the voice was very sharp, as if there was unbearable pain in my heart.During the intermission of crying, I heard the old woman talking, the tone didn't seem to be persuading, but rather sensational.The moth cried even harder because of this.In Ju Le's impression, his neighbors seldom have such emotional outbursts, most of the time they are quiet, even if there is resentment in their hearts, they just sulk for a lifetime, scolding others or scolding each other in a low voice .Judging from the current situation, "It doesn't take a day to freeze three feet." The moth probably endured it for a long time.After putting on his clothes, he hesitated to knock on the door next door. After knocking twice, the crying in the room stopped, and the old woman cursed.He was about to turn around and leave when the old woman came out with a gloomy face and asked:

"What's up?" "Come and see, is Miss Moth okay?" He asked fawningly. "Take care of yourself." The old woman closed the door. After entering the kitchen for a while, the mother and daughter also came in. Moth's eyes were still red and swollen, and he turned on the coal fire in a temper, making the hooks of the tongs make a loud noise, and dust was blown up all over the room.The old woman stood there for a while, took out her handkerchief, covered her nose, and went out. At the end of the sentence, carefully dust off the ash on the pot cover with a brush, put the noodles into the pot, and then stand by and wait.His heart was always up and down, and his eyes glanced at the moth.Moth lit the fire, put the pot on the stove, and went to the door.She kept her back to the sentence, obviously not wanting to talk to him.

The old woman came in several times like a shuttle, looking around, but she didn't help the moth cook.He was sitting on a small bench eating noodles, when the moth stopped chopping vegetables and spoke over his head: "Doesn't this morning seem weird to you?" "Yeah, what's going on in Miss Moth's heart, can't she tell her old neighbor?" "Do you really know nothing? Or don't you want to know?" she said sadly. "I really don't know at all, how would I know?" Moth let out an "ah", sat down on the bench, hung his head, tore his hair with both hands, and said:

"You are such a poor man. I tell you, I am sad for the good old days. Just a few months ago, I would always go to the vegetable market with my mother, and we would hold hands and choose in the crowded market. All kinds of small dishes, and bargaining with those hawkers, we always come back with full rewards. It is really a self-satisfied life, we don’t take anyone seriously, because Mom is high above. Disagreement, disputes, but soon reconciled, the result is always that I obey my mother. Now all this is lost. From the day not long ago, I suddenly found a kind of contempt for me in my mother's eyes. At first I didn't care , I thought it was my nervousness, but after many times of confirmation, I found out it was true. I was not convinced, so I asked my mother, and my mother refused to speak at first, but finally she admitted it under my repeated questioning! Think about it , a mother, she actually despised her own daughter! At that time, I was still holding on to my last hope, and I thought, maybe my mother has only recently thought of me, and I must have done something wrong. In this case, as long as she Tell me exactly what I did wrong, and she would change her mind about me. So I asked her since when she had this intolerable feeling for me. Her answer surprised me! Surprised! She Said: My opinion of you has never changed in the slightest. At first I was a little happy when I heard this. I thought that my mother didn’t despise me. Then I thought about it again, no, didn’t she just admit her Does she despise me? Since she has such a view, and this view has never changed, that is to say, she has despised me since I was born. Why have I not noticed it for so many years? I What a fool! You can see, too, that my mother was a superior person, and though I sometimes quarreled with her, I always admired her. How different it was before, when my brother was at home, and in the summer we three People are sitting in the yard to enjoy the shade, and my mother always asks me to listen. She said that she can hear the fish jumping in the water in the fishing ground over there. My brother and I have never heard it, but we are very excited. It was a little secret between the three of us. That kind of life lasted for a long time, until one day, my brother suddenly couldn't bear the inexplicable irritability and ran away from home. Only our mother and daughter were left in the house. Later, I also left I went to look for my own life. Soon I found that it was impossible for me to have my own life without my mother, so I came back obediently. Not long after I came back, I saw my brother often coming to the house, and I followed him I saw him once, only to realize that he hadn't found his purpose in life at all, but just wandered around in the suburbs not far away, picking up junk for a living, and he came back to ask his mother for money every once in a while. What I'm talking about is all adult Later, as for childhood, my brother and I had a vague impression of my mother during that time. She was a cold woman, as elusive as a shadow. To be honest, we didn't pay much attention to her. Please imagine Let's see, a woman gave birth to a pair of children, but she doesn't like it very much, and she has a little contempt, she should haveHow can't figure it out.My mother is a strong woman, she doesn't tell us anything, she hides her heart, if I don't grow up with age, I still can't see the contempt in her eyes, and I blindly think that she loves us I am very satisfied.Maybe my brother discovered this first, so he lost confidence in himself, and he still hasn't achieved anything.I tell you this, not to vent my dissatisfaction with my mother, no, it's not like that, I just want you to know what an unfortunate person she is, how much pain she has in her heart, and how she has survived all these years .It is also possible that you have no feeling after hearing it, because these things have nothing to do with you.You heard me cry in the morning, do you think I have a deep grudge against my mother?Actually I was crying for her.Why is her life so hard?Is there no hope at all?Not only cry for her, I also cry for you! "

At the end of the sentence, Moth asked why he was crying for him, and Moth let it go and said, "I will never tell you." After she said this, she looked at it several times meaningfully, and the pity in her eyes more.This look irritated him for a while, and he said maliciously to her: "I have a date with Qi Ye in the fishing ground." "Is it true?" Moth's sad eyes widened, "What will you do in the future?" "I'm going to be fine from now on!" Judou said loudly, "I'm free and unencumbered. I can go wherever I want and talk to whoever I want. Everyone here respects me. Some people Don’t think so, you have to belittle me, worry about me, and torture yourself with some fantasies. I have no sympathy for this kind of people. I want to say that they are just asking for trouble, and have almost nothing to do with me. Yes. I have no right to stop what they like to do, but my actions should not be interfered by them. Moth, let me tell you, what I hate the most is the kind of person I just mentioned. I am really fine now, Moth, at such a young age, why do you have so many unrealistic thoughts to worry about me?"

"I'm so ashamed of you, after all, you're yelling, bragging, and attacking people for no reason, and it's a good thing that mother didn't hear--I can't hate you when I mention my mother. She's in a body now. How weak, and it's all because of you. You're talking nonsense here, you say you're free, you've got nothing to worry about, you're fine, but why are you telling me that? Show me that you're not in the situation you think you are at all, don't you understand?" He felt bored all day long, he went to the vegetable market, but he didn't see Hui Yuan, and when he returned home after buying vegetables, he ran into Hui Yuan again.Hui Yuan stood still, staring blankly at him, and couldn't stand the look, first lowered his head, and brushed past him.While washing vegetables in the kitchen, I heard the son next door come back and talk loudly in the room.After a while, the moths came out and came to the kitchen to be busy.In other words, I remember that she lied last time that her brother went to work abroad, so I felt that this girl was really talking nonsense, and she could lie as she wanted.

The two were silently busy in the kitchen, ignoring each other.Moth listened to the conversation in the room from time to time, his face turned red and white, as if he was very excited about something, or because of this excitement, he didn't pay attention to the words at all, this was invisible. There is a feeling of loneliness in the sentence. Unknowingly, he also began to listen to the young man's words. It seemed that the guy had experienced some risks recently, but he had successfully escaped, and there was a hint of showing off in his words.The more that guy showed off, the angrier he got when he finished his sentence. He thought to himself that the mother and daughter are really blind, and they confessed such a liar as a treasure, but they were acting like bullshit.Just yesterday, he saw the old woman pasting cardboard boxes with her sick body on the other side of the corridor. At that time, he thought, maybe she is only in her fifties, but she looks old quickly because she likes to worry too much.Moth also said that her mother was dissatisfied with her brother, and that dissatisfaction was dissatisfaction, and contempt was contempt. After all, he was her hope for living.The logic of moths is always so incredible.After finishing the sentence, he was about to take the prepared meal back to the room to eat, when the tone of the young man's speech suddenly changed, as if the voice in the room had changed, he roared and broke a cup.The moths in the kitchen jumped up like leopards, rushed into the room after pushing away, and quickly followed after.In the room, the guy was furious. The moth knelt down and hugged his legs, begging him to leave immediately. The guy kicked the moth aside, and then pointed at his mother and cursed.The old woman was sitting on the bed in a daze. She supported the edge of the bed with both hands to straighten her waist. Her appearance was very calm.Moth was fighting with her brother, and she finally pushed the scrawny guy out of the room, out the door, and walked away cursing.With the sound of the door "clanging", the old woman woke up like a dream, and said two inexplicable words in a sentence, but she didn't understand the two sentences at all, so they didn't leave an impression in her mind.By this time Moth had come back, panting, sweating, and talking in fits of excitement, and she called her brother a "lunatic," and said he had really gone this time and would not be coming back.As the moth spoke, tears fell, and it was unclear whether the moth shed tears for her brother or her mother. He felt that she had no need to be so emotional.The old woman was still sitting on the head of the bed thinking about something, and there seemed to be a hint of a smile on her gray and wrinkled face.She stroked the moth's head with her dry hand as if she were petting a puppy, only a little absent-mindedly.In other words, there was no contempt on her face at all, he thought it must be the moth's nervousness, the hallucination that the two had been alone for a long time, why should the moth be so extreme? After finishing the sentence, I met the old woman in the yard, and the old woman said those two sentences to him again. This time, I finally heard the sentence clearly, because the old woman said it word by word to his face.she says: "He will be in a desperate situation if he walks out of this place. Holding his ground is the only way out. Of course, the way out is only symbolic. We don't want a way out, we just want to maintain a kind of unity." "Your son doesn't take you seriously." Sentence said softly. "Who will take me seriously? No one will. Who will open their eyes? Impossible. Who will take these street children? No one will take them." After thinking about it, this old woman is speaking out the thoughts in her mind, so it's best not to disturb her.Seeing her shaky walk, Judao once again felt that she had reached the end of her life. "...But they don't need others to open their eyes, because they can see everything! They don't need others to take in, because it's their nature to wander!" The old woman was very shocked.She looked at the sentence and continued: "Only you, only you are my concern. You can't see anything, you're the only blind person here. Many times I've seen you standing on the side of the road watching the fish farm, and then you came back with nothing in your eyes. You know, we didn't become neighbors by accident." "What the hell happened in the past? I'm really in the dark." "It's impossible to know that kind of thing anymore, even I forget it. Sometimes when I glued the boxes, I tried to remember how we became neighbors. It did happen, it was an unusual thing But I can't remember it, and the moth was still young, so she didn't have any impression." The old woman shook her head after she finished speaking, and suddenly got very angry at the correct sentence. After the sentence, he saw her turn around angrily and walk away. At night the Moth cried again, desperately and terribly, and when she stopped the old woman scolded her, and she cried again.I couldn't sit still in the room, and I felt uncomfortable all over, and it was raining outside.In other words, he put on his rain boots, held an umbrella, and walked out aimlessly.The rumble of thunder made him flustered.Every year, the breath of early spring brought by the thunder would cause panic in his heart. He walked through the vegetable field and came to the road, when a figure blocked his way, it was the vegetable farmer. The vegetable farmer was holding an umbrella and didn't have a lantern in his hand, so he couldn't see his face clearly. "I've been waiting for you here for a long time, Qi Ye asked me to go to his place with you." "How did you know that I would go to Qiye's place? I'm just walking around." "Don't hide yourself. How can you not go to Qiye's place? Anyone who has been there once will inevitably go again. Even if he knows in his heart that it is not good, his feet will still go to that kind of place. Walk wherever you can Where are we going? Of course we went to the fishing ground. We can still be wrong about this kind of thing!" "It's weird, I've been thinking these days, it's weird, why is everyone so sensitive?" "It's strange, because this street is next to the fishing ground. How did you choose such a place to settle in the first place, remember?" "I don't seem to have much choice, everything is logical." As soon as they were talking, they got off the road and stepped onto the wet path by the pond.In other words, he raised the umbrella high and looked forward, seeing those twinkling lights.All the bungalows were lit up, as if something important was about to happen.After saying that, he walked ahead, and the vegetable farmer followed behind, muttering to himself all the time, and couldn't hear what he said clearly.After thinking about what happened just now, and connecting the vegetable farmer's words with the old woman's words, it seems that he realized something.Maybe when he came to settle here in the first place, there were indeed some reasons that he didn't know that played a decisive role behind it?What are the reasons? Unexpectedly, the lights in Qi Ye's room were not turned on.Qi Ye stood motionless in the darkness in front of the house, with his arms crossed in front of his chest.The vegetable farmer approached Qi Ye before he could say something, and whispered something in his ear, Qi Ye laughed out loud. The lights were turned on in all the houses, and the doors opened one by one, casting light on the lawns in front of the houses, and all the people in the houses came to the door to visit.The door of Qi Ye's room was tightly closed, and he didn't intend to invite Ju Lie and the vegetable farmer in. He stood under the eaves without saying a word.Ju Liao and the vegetable farmer stood in the rain holding an umbrella, like two unwelcome uninvited guests.In other words, I thought in my heart that the vegetable farmer came with him, so Qi Ye was not happy. This vegetable farmer is really an annoying guy. , On the trousers, I feel that the trouser legs are cold. "Go to Fuyu's house to have a look, he's dying soon." Qi Ye said suddenly, with a very solemn tone. A middle-aged man named Fu Yu was moaning on the bed, his face turned to the wall, and a ragged blanket covered his body. "He has rheumatic heart disease." Qi Ye said, "This is the man I told you who only talks to fish." The man suddenly turned around and turned his face towards the three of them. After a while, he recognized that he was the man with the big head. He had observed countless people in his lonely time, and now he was panting in pain. His big feet protruded from the ragged blanket and kept shaking.Qi Ye leaned forward and touched his forehead with his hand, and he immediately calmed down. "This guy is finally finished, he has been making trouble with this world." Qi Ye said thoughtfully. "It's not like that at all," Ju Yao said in a low voice, "I've observed him for a long time, in the sunlight during the day, he is so harmonious with everything in the fishing ground, he always tilts his head and listens, I hope he survives. " Qi Ye sneered, stared at the pile on the bed, and slowly uttered these words: "He must die." Fuyu had been staring at Qiye all the time, after hearing him say this, the painful expression on his face immediately eased, as if he had let go of something in his mind, and then he closed his eyes. The vegetable farmer walked forward, fiddled with the blanket with his hands in disgust, and flipped it off recklessly, exposing Fuyu's legs, which were covered with varicose veins, like piles of earthworms.After finishing the sentence, he suddenly felt righteous indignation, he pushed the vegetable farmer, causing him to stagger backwards, and then rushed to help Fuyu cover the blanket.The moment he helped Fuyu cover the blanket, Fuyu opened his eyes, glared at him, and then closed them again wearily. "He's going to die, this narrow-minded guy." Qi Ye said again, "It's because of his narrow-mindedness that he doesn't talk to people." After the sentence, my whole body began to tremble, which may be caused by the atmosphere in the house, or it may be caused by the cold caused by wearing the rain-soaked pants.His two rows of teeth also began to clash.He seemed to feel that it was not the person on the bed, but himself who was dying.His legs went limp, and he fell to the side indiscriminately, falling on the vegetable farmer, and was supported by his strong arms.The vegetable farmer helped him to the side of the bed and sat down on Fuyu's stomach. He wanted to move away a little, but he had no strength, so he had to lean on the head of the bed like that. The frame of the old-fashioned wooden bed squeezed his head hard. pain. "There's still a blanket in the closet, cover him up." At the end of the sentence, I heard Master Qi talking, followed by the sound of opening the cabinet, and a hard, blanket-like thing covered him, covering even his head.He involuntarily slid down from the head of the bed and fell onto the bed. Under his body was Fuyu's leg, which was cold and motionless.Qiye said a few more words to the vegetable farmer, and then they both turned off the lights, closed the door and went out.He was shaking badly under the hard blanket, he wanted to move away from Fuyu's lap, so he rolled with all his strength, rolled into the bed, and pulled the blanket over to wrap it up.In the darkness, he saw Fuyu's legs slowly arching up, and the torn blanket formed a hill in the middle of the bed.He tried his best to huddle into a ball, trying to take up less space. The cold made his bones ache all over his body. In the shivering of the cold and heat, his mind continued to have visions, and he kept returning to the old days.At that time, Fuyu was still an eternal and intimate mystery to him, just the back view of him walking slowly with a fishing net on his back would move him endlessly; The head is parted, the skin is often purple, and even a casual glance will recognize the feet.Now these feet are in front of him, but it gives him a completely different feeling. He is afraid of touching this cold thing. He wants to get up and leave here, but he has no strength to do this, so he has to shrink pitifully. in the bed. "Who's in the bed?" Fuyu suddenly spoke on the other end, his voice was very high-pitched, like a falsetto, he was so startled that he didn't even dare to breathe.This was not the voice of the big-headed man he had imagined. "Who's in the bed?" he asked again, stamping his feet so that the bed creaked. "I see, he's here to steal fish. It's been years, he's been watching , always wanted to steal the fish while I wasn't prepared, but he didn't have the guts. It was all Qiye's fault, and the thief was brought in. Qiye! Qiye!" He screamed, his voice made his whole body hit cold war.After making a fuss for a while, he automatically calmed down, and began to moan in pain again.It was unbearable pain, pain from which no one could help, the last struggle of the dying.At the end of the sentence, he realized with horror that the big-headed man was finally going to die.The hill on the bed gradually calmed down, and the moans became weaker and weaker.His cold was gradually easing, but he still didn't dare to move.He fell asleep in extreme fatigue, and in the dream a black figure was about to strangle him by the neck, so he wrestled, sweating all over his body and soaking his clothes.Several times the man was about to succeed, he kicked him in the stomach with all his strength, and the man's hands suddenly became limp and loosened, maybe he kicked his vital part.Just after he breathed a sigh of relief, the person who had fallen staggered up again, kicked the person with his feet again, and kicked the person back, and so on.He was snoring when the shadow disappeared, but he couldn't fall asleep because there was a spotlight on his face and someone was talking in his ear, and he had to break out of sleep.It turned out that Qi Ye and the vegetable farmer were shining a flashlight on his face. "The rain outside has stopped, let's go back." The vegetable farmer pointed to the dark window and said. "This man, this Fuyu, is he dead?" Ju Yao asked. "Where did you go?" Qi Ye replied coldly, "How did you die? He does this every night." After saying this, he got up from the bed, jumped over Fuyu's body, and got off the ground.Fuyu has been sleeping on the bed without moving, and he didn't touch him when he crawled over him. He lay quietly under the blanket, as if he had disappeared.At the end of the sentence, I stood in the dark and thought: Is that person still on the bed? Qiye went back to his room.This time the vegetable farmer walked ahead of Ju Le. "Qi Ye told me that what happened just now is actually not allowed to happen." The vegetable farmer's voice floated over the fish pond, appearing very false. "He said how can you get in touch with people like Fuyu? I always thought it was impossible, but no one can guarantee that some impossible things will not happen in the dark. I think, since it happened in the dark Fuyu himself will not admit that he had contact with you, and Qi Ye and I have not seen it, even if you want to brag about it, Qi Ye and I will refute your claim So, that kind of thing is not allowed to happen. How to explain Qi Ye's actions? Isn't Qi Ye a bit contradictory? You can say that Qi Ye was bored in the fishing ground and came up with a pastime A good way, this is to let you get in touch with Fuyu. If he really thinks so, why does he choose to do this at night and turn off the lights? I can definitely conclude that you have not really touched Fuyu, you saw that There was a man on the bed, you thought he was someone you remembered, and you said you recognized him, but then the lights went out, the room was dark, and you yourself were delirious with a cold, and you were in bed Scratching around and touching a leg, an arm, you think it's Fuyu's body, isn't that absurd? Maybe that person ran away long ago, and what you caught were just those ragged blankets. This is the most likely possibility. I came here with you tonight not to satisfy my own curiosity, which I have no curiosity at all. One thing has long been no secret to me, that is, the heart of the fish farm workers is not our street. Residents on the streets can understand, let alone touch their bodies. We can only observe them from a distance. No, it should be said that we see them every day, but we don’t observe them carefully, because we people on the street are very familiar with them. They are not interested at all, because we are too familiar with them, they only exist in our imagination, and because of too much imagination, we lose interest in observation when we see them. Why did you accompany you to meet these people? Among us is an exception. You always stand on the side of the road and look over there, and explain some of the superficial phenomena you see, thinking that you have the possibility of contact with them, and even arrogantly think that you can understand their hearts I know the reason why you are restless these days. You are eager to prove your inner thoughts. Your arrogance makes Qiye and I a little angry, so the three of us meet here. Although Qiye and I are Two completely different people, but we have a tacit understanding, just like the tacit understanding between people on the street and fish farm workers. One night not long ago, you walked through my vegetable patch to the road Let's go, you met Qiye on the road later, do you think that all this was accidental? Qiye's opinion of you is the same as my opinion of you. Although the people on the street don't have contact with fish farm workers , but have the same opinion on everything, this has been the case for a long time. In normal times, we have almost no contact with them. I will tell you one more thing, I was also a fish farm worker when I was very young , I couldn't bear the deathly silence here, so I ran out and wandered outside, and then I came back, but not back to the fishery, but back to the street, looking for some odd jobs , and finally opened up this piece of vegetable soil, and made a living selling side dishes.So, I used to live with Qiye, and Qiye knew everything about me. Qiye didn't think well of me. He admired people like Fuyu, and he showed contempt for me His appearance, in fact, what he admired the most was Fuyu.What he looks down on is me, he wants me to feel ashamed in front of Fuyu.No, I can't live like Fuyu. Few people have been silent for years like him. Everyone regards him as a fish.I think Qi Ye is also very consistent with this Fuyu in essence.During the day, he wandered the streets, meeting and talking with people everywhere, but in fact he was just looking for his prey.We all understand his mind, only you don't, so you become his prey.I want to tell you that Qi Ye is by no means the kind of person you imagined. He has spent his whole life in this fishing ground. He is an old guy that you can't understand. It is such a person who is now eyeing you. " 菜农说完这些话，他们已经走上马路了。远远地，路灯下面有个穿白衬衫的人站在那里，那人没打伞，就任凭毛毛细雨淋在他身上。走到近前，才知道是灰元。 "您看，大家都在关心您的事呢。"菜农戏谑地说。 灰元一声不响地跟在他们后面。菜农回家后，灰元还是跟在句了后面，句了进屋他也进屋，自己找了张凳坐下，用手擦着淋湿的脸。句了递给他干毛巾，他用来擦擦手就放下了。 "因为欠了账，他们要收我的房子了。"灰元说着这话，脸上却浮着不相称的笑容。 "那么你怎么办呢？那些人真凶狠啊。"句了的眉头深深地锁了起来。 "真抱歉，深更半夜闯到您家里来。您不要为这事着急，车到山前必有路，这事嘛，总会解决的。"他迟钝地转动了两下眼珠子，又垂下了眼皮。 "该着急的是你，你反倒来安慰我。我现在才弄清你这个人的脑子真的有问题。并不是我没房子住呀。我退了休，粗茶淡饭不缺，可以一直这样维持到死，也不会有人上门逼债，我急什么呢？"句了烦躁地看着他。 "真的吗？"小贩慢吞吞地说，"您心里真的什么包袱都没有吗？真是这样，您为什么深更半夜外出呢？" "是你要被人赶出房子！你要遭难了！你心里怎么就不开窍啊！"句了大喊大叫了起来。 "不要着急，您千万不要着急，没有过不去的河。"灰元站了起来，走近句了，他眼里充满了对句了的怜悯，这眼光既使句了愤怒又使他震惊。 "你说你有什么办法？你要成为讨饭的乞丐了！你去睡别人的屋檐下吧！"句了恶意地说出这些话，只是为了让灰元明白自身的处境。他心里乱极了，只觉得这小贩在胡搅蛮缠，恨不得马上赶他出门。 "这事不会像您说的那么可怕。难道就没有一个人收留我吗？比如说您，如果出现那种情况，您是一定会收留我的。" 灰元平静地说出这几句话之后，句了就沉默了。他的心里很乱，他搞不清自己的情绪。这个小贩，这个几十年来他既不讨厌也不喜欢的人，现在要来破坏他的安宁了。他是故意制造圈套，还是不得已而为之呢？当然他也可以很干脆地拒绝面前这个人，可是一切难道会这么简单吗？句了的目光穿过敞开的窗户，看到外面黑黑的夜空，那夜空下面，靠右前方，是沉睡的渔场所在，那是另一个世界，那里的一切喜怒哀乐全是另一样的，他现在还不想到那里去住，他只是不时有去那边看望的冲动。因为他在街上也得不到真正的安宁。他第一次深切地体会到，安宁是永远失去了，再也不会回来了。他无法预料最近他生活中的骚乱要把他带向什么地方。他的心里有个声音告诉他，完全不必拒绝这个小贩。于是他又将目光落到小贩灰元奇瘦的脸上，再一次与他那充满怜悯的古怪眼神相遇。 "没有过不去的河，您不必多想，我马上搬来与您同住。" 他的口气似乎很体贴，又似乎有种居高临下的傲慢，句了不知道要怎样来理解他，于是深深地叹了口气，好像是同意了小贩的要求。灰元的身影悄悄地消失在夜半的雨声中。句了百感交集地上了床，他一直胡思乱想，直到天明才昏昏睡去。他睡到中午才醒，是被一种瓷器掉落水泥地上的声音弄醒的，似乎有很多瓷器破碎了。句了清醒之后，便听见了隔壁的争吵，而且清楚地听见老婆子说到他本人的名字。蛾子尖利的哭声响彻了整栋大房子。句了记起老婆子对他说过的话，当时她说她们与他不是偶然成为邻居的，而且过去还发生过一件事。老婆子当然不是乱说，句了感到自己已经脱不开身了，有一个大的阴谋笼罩在他的日常生活之上，而他是孤独无助的，因为这，蛾子和灰元眼里才流露出怜悯的吧。句了回想起自己的一生中从未想过要求得别人的帮助，他把身边的亲人一个一个全赶跑了，为的是求得一小片宁静，因为别人的帮助就意味着生活中的骚乱。本来他已相当满意了，而那个神秘的阴谋也在此时初显端倪了。原来他认为灰元这个人与他毫不相干，完全没料到事情急转直下，这个人竟要来与他捆在一起了，命运究竟开的是什么玩笑呢？假如现在自己已经与他捆在一起的话，在共同对付阴谋这方面也许会给他某种益处吧，因为灰元说过："没有过不去的河。"也许与他捆在一起是件好事呢？句了在床上设想自己与人同住的情形，依然觉得十分别扭。然而灰元既可以看作他的同伙，也可以看作是那阴谋的一部分。他不是单独去过蛾子家里吗？他看他的目光不是与蛾子一模一样吗？ 他昏昏沉沉地到厨房里去做饭时，蛾子也进来了。蛾子说她已经吃过饭了，就搬了一张小板凳坐在句了旁边帮他择小菜。蛾子有心事，她突然就眼圈发红，向句了诉说了她青年时代的事（她现在也不老）。 "我妈妈根本不是一个慈祥的母亲，我想你也早就看出来了，差不多可以说她是个心肠冷酷的母亲，她一直在利用我和我的哥哥。"蛾子说着就落泪了。 "这个我早知道。我只是不能理解，为什么你要那样维护她呢？"句了和蔼地说。 "啊，这是另外一回事。怎么能不维护妈妈呢？我的一切不都是她给的吗？要是没有了她，我真不知道我是不是还能活在这世上。难道能不听妈妈的话吗？你一点都不了解我，只是遵循那可恶的惰性来想事情。你不知道，我曾经经历了什么样的艰难困苦啊！如果没有妈妈，我是根本无法挺过来的。我的话的意思并不是妈妈和我意见一致，支持我。不，不如说她在所有的事情上都是反对我，要与我作对，要嘲弄我的。那时我找了个开洗衣店的小贩（我们街上的姑娘都只能找小贩结婚），我沉浸在对美好生活的向往里，脸上泛出青春的红光，而妈妈，你想得出妈妈是怎样看待我的婚事的吗？她在一旁冷笑。不久我就受不了她的态度，赌气和那小贩私奔了。当时我认为母亲是自作自受，后来我才发现，自作自受的是我自己。我离开母亲后，脾气性格就彻底变了。我疑神疑鬼，总觉得我丈夫要谋害我。他在前面店里熨衣服，我在后面照看洗衣机，我一点安全感都没有，老是觉得他会举着熨斗冲到后面来，将滚烫的熨斗砸到我的头上。有时他和我说话，我忽然就全身发抖，手里的东西掉在地上，把他气得暴跳如雷，他一生气，我就更害怕了。后来我终于什么活都干不了，只能成天坐在家里发呆。终于有一天，仿佛在梦中，我收拾了自己的几件衣服，偷了那小贩的一些钱，就悄悄地离开那里，坐火车回家了。我回到家，发现妈妈一点都没变，还是老样子，只是她并不赞成我回家，因为哥哥把她的钱都拿走了，她无法养活我，可是她也不赞成我回Ｄ市。她不向我指出任何出路，她就是这样一个人。我不知道应该怎么办，而她整天在家中数落我的不是，将那小贩说成是一名逃犯，说是真没想到自己的女儿会跟一名逃犯走掉。她每天这样数落我，拣难听的话说，她似乎有无穷无尽的精力。这期间哥哥也回来过，他将妈妈的最后一件首饰偷出去变卖了，妈妈明明知道是他干的，也不去追究，只是在家里狠狠咒骂他。时间一长，我渐渐习惯了这种挨骂的生活，我还发现，妈妈骂人的时候有种表演的成分，她目光炯炯，脸上的表情非常生动，有时还打手势。我就想，也许这就是她所向往的生活？她生了我们这一对没有用的废物，现在自己老了，我们不能养她的老，反而要她养活。她又干又瘦，风都可以吹得倒，却还要每天糊纸盒，为的是我和哥哥有饭吃。她这样做并不是被迫，开始我以为她是被迫的，后来我才知道自己弄错了。她只是装出一副被迫的样子，其实她很愿意受苦受累，很愿意养活我和哥哥这两个吃闲饭的家伙，为了什么呢？就因为我们是她的精神支柱。她控制了我们两个人，不论我们在她面前还是远离她，情况都不会有所改变。当然她更愿意我们在她面前，这可以给她一种实实在在的感觉。她这种控制的权欲有时使得我们很怨恨，哥哥就是因为怨恨逃离在外，什么工作都干不成，成了一个二流子。他偷妈妈的钱也是出于怨恨。那么，是不是我们都很仇恨妈妈，一心要离开她呢？又完全不是这样。我们这种怨恨是儿童对母亲的怨恨，我们都明白离了妈妈自己就无法生存，虽然妈妈是那样弱小，干瘦，在我们眼中她却力大无穷，什么都能办得到。这些年，怨恨在哥哥的心中越积越多，他时常跑得远远的一连几个月都不回来，想以此来刺激妈妈。他一回来就把我们糊纸盒赚的钱全拿走。你也看到了，每次哥哥回来我们家都像过节一样，而结果总是一样：他和妈妈闹翻，扬言永不回家，以此来伤妈妈的心。我知道妈妈最在乎的是哥哥，所以在这种时候，看到妈妈因为哥哥而生病，我心里的那点怨恨就慢慢化解了，真的，有时我心里充满了对她的爱，觉得她真是个伟大的母亲。前不久妈妈又大病了一场，我真担心这一次会要了她的命。每天早上，我看见她从床上勉强挣扎起来，然后摇摇晃晃地走到院子里去，我的眼里就盈满了泪水。她真是一个坚强的女人啊，为什么她的命这么苦呢？她还是经常骂我，她骂起人来总是那么有精神，有时骂得我眼泪直流，可是即便是这样，我对她的爱也还是超过了对她的怨恨，我时刻被担忧折磨着，我总是梦见她死了，离我而去了，那种绝望是没法形容的，就像一个人被放进了棺材，钉上了盖子，然后埋进了深深的土中，在永恒的黑暗中被窒息。我不断地做这种梦，我在梦里声嘶力竭地对妈妈喊叫。我相信哥哥的内心也和我一样，只不过是男人更爱面子，不愿表现出来罢了。其实他更痛苦，也更胆怯。我不知道他在外面是如何生活的，我敢肯定他从未做成过哪怕一件小小的工作，恐惧使他丧失了所有的能力。他东游西荡，不敢和任何人接触，只有这个家是他的避风港，而这个家又恰恰是他最想逃避的。他一回家就对母亲发泄愤怒，发泄完了就走，每次都是如此。有时我也觉得他太过分了，想和他吵几句，他就反问我说：蛾子你想一想，是谁把你变成这样子的？你对自己的现状很满意吗？我就被问住了。当然，我对自己的现状一点也不满意，我也知道是妈妈把我变成这种样子的，心里很怨恨，可是吵闹又有什么用呢？万一妈妈死了呢？妈妈死了我们也只有跟着去死。也许哥哥吵一通之后心里就轻松了好多，只是妈妈被他弄得越来越虚弱，过不了多久，那场大的灾难就要降临到我们头上了。于是我越来越提心吊胆了。今天早上，妈妈又骂我了，是因为你的原因而骂我，我不能告诉你是什么原因。她一生气就晕了过去。啊，我多么害怕，我多么害怕！"蛾子用力揪着自己的头发，说不下去了。 "小贩灰元要来和我同住了。"句了一边将滚沸着的稀饭端下来一边说。 "我们早知道这件事，这是意料之中的。"蛾子抬起眼泪巴巴的脸，"是妈妈要他这样干的。你近来的行为越来越令人反感了。" "如果我不同意他来住呢？" "我不知道后果会怎么样。怎么能违背妈妈的意志呢？你虽然不是我们家里的人，可我们在一起做了这么多年的邻居，妈妈早就把你看成自己人了。凡被她看成自己人的，都无法违背她的意志。比如灰元，最近也成了自己人，我明知他以前是一个贼，也得与他打交道。我不知道妈妈是如何想的，也不敢问她，要不她就会生气，把身体搞得更坏。现在我要走了。妈妈还躺在床上呢。" 句了一口接一口地喝着热稀饭，一会儿头上就开始冒热气，伤风也减轻了好多。他思忖着蛾子说的这一大通话，想从她的话里头找出哪怕一点点与他当前处境的联系来。蛾子说她是为她妈妈而生活的，这一点句了已经看出来了。但那老婆子却并不是一个权力狂，至少从表面看不是。她心甘情愿地为儿女的生计操劳，差不多是为他们做牛做马，这种非人的生活已经使她变成了一个空壳，不论谁看了都会认为她非常凄惨。句了想，这一家人为什么要这样同自己过不去呢？似乎一切根源都在老婆子身上，这老婆子真是一个谜啊。在蛾子向他诉说以前，他不知道这个健壮的姑娘内心竟是如此的怯弱，也不知道自己和老婆子有什么关系。老婆子究竟为什么事生自己的气呢？也许是因为他往渔场里跑；也许是因为他和灰元之间的事；也许都不是，却是为了多年前的一个什么神秘的原因。句了感到奇怪的是，他和灰元，和这一家人的关系密切不过是最近的事，他的新鲜感还没过去，而他们，却把这事看作一件早就发生过了的事，就仿佛他们之间一直都是相互制约的，这些年从来也没有改变过。他们的言谈，他们对他的态度都表明了这一点。句了想，只要自己从今以后关起门来，再也不理任何人，他与这些人之间的麻烦就会消除，他就会恢复到从前的平静生活。自己抱定不接触的宗旨，他们就无法制约他。要做到这一点，自己首先要打消对渔场那边的兴趣。他知道每次他去那边，蛾子和老婆子的眼睛都盯在他后面，或许就是这件事导致了灰元要来与他同住，灰元如果真是老婆子派来的，那也是老婆子为了掌握他的行踪而这样做。句了回忆起大头福裕那种痛苦无望的生活，玩味着这两个夜晚所给他的印象，身子又开始了那种轻轻的颤抖，止也止不住。"渔场里夜半的风景真是美不胜收啊。"他轻轻地对着空中说，还打了一个寒噤。当然，对渔场的兴趣是他生活中惟一的兴趣，他一直在幻想着关于大头福裕的种种事，这种幻想多年前就开始了。从前的一天他站在马路上，看见大头赤着脚在鱼塘边行走，厚实多肉的背绷在衣服里面，他就设想过这个人夜里潜伏在他家后院的情形。后来他又多次将他设想成街上的一名流浪儿，这个流浪儿被七爷收留，做了渔场的工人。即使是昨天夜里，七爷故意让他目睹了福裕个人生活的真相，他对他的幻想仍然没有停止。大头福裕在白天里太阳下的那种沉默对于句了总是具有无穷的魅力，令他遐想联翩。原来于不知不觉中，句了的生活已形成了模式，哪怕与所有的人隔绝，他也还是抵挡不了来自渔场那边的诱惑啊。句了明白了，如果他要保持对旁边这个渔场的兴趣，他就得接受灰元和老婆子对他的生活的干扰。原来事情竟会是这样，也许这就是老婆子所说的那个神秘的原因，促使他在这条街上定居下来的原因？只因为街道紧挨着大而荒凉的渔场？这种推理似乎过于牵强了一些。句了近些年记忆力衰退得厉害，多年前那些事情的印象在他脑海里越来越稀薄了，有的时候竟会有这样的幻觉，认为自己是生在这条街上，从来也没有离开过。这种可能性是没有的。但是真的完全没有生在此地的可能吗？句了开始胡思乱想，他设想自己是在孤儿院长大的，不知道自己的父母是谁，关于记事前的那段生活也没人给他一个确切的描绘。孤儿院是否在那段时间里搬迁过呢？莫非孤儿院是从此地搬走的，莫非老婆子做过孤儿院的保姆？句了越想越离奇，忍不住的哆嗦使他有点难受，他将洗干净的碗放进碗柜，离开了厨房。 坐在家里心中疙疙瘩瘩地想着那些往事，怎么也提不起精神来。他像与谁争吵似的大声说："我有退休金，生活不用操劳，身体也没有病，这世上没有什么值得我担心的事。" "句了真想得开呀。"蛾子讽刺的声音在背后响起。 "蛾子怎样看待我的处境呢？"句了转过身来说，又开始哆嗦了。 "你的处境？我没想过，我为什么一定要来考虑这种事呢？我关心的是妈妈，妈妈刚才总算又睡着了，我才能到这里来见你，和你说话。" 句了看见蛾子的眼圈又是红红的，大概她刚才又哭过了。 "我的心底也知道，妈妈这种人，身心都十分坚强，不会饷纯炀退赖摹Ｏ衷谇肽阆胂?我的处境，还有我哥哥的处境吧，我们才是被吊在悬崖上的两只小动物呢。她总有一天会死的，她一死，我们全完了。昨天我又碰见哥哥喝醉了酒，他在外面捡破烂卖了些钱，就把那些钱喝了酒，他是因为害怕才这样干。这件事也给妈妈很大的打击，再加上你的事，妈妈就病倒了。刚才我还想，即使是母亲这样坚强的女人，也会在哪一天倒下去再也起不来的。" "你们一家三口能不能停止相互折磨呢？"我停止了哆嗦，冲口而出。 "你把这种事看作折磨，是因为你一点都不懂得我们。你已经和我们住了这么久，还是什么都没有看出来。你心里想的，就只有退休金和房子这一类的事，别的你都不担心，都把它们忘记。现在我要带你到院里去看一样东西，你看了之后不要想不开。"她拉着句了边走边说。 早春的太阳照着小小的院子，一根绳子上挂着很多衣服，是蛾子早上洗的。隔壁的小围站在那里吃饭，看见句了来了掉头就跑。 "你要给我看什么东西呢？"句了问。 蛾子忽然忸怩起来，看着自己的脚尖半天不说话。 "并没有什么东西要叫你看，只不过想提醒你以后去渔场那边要小心点，会有不好的结果的。事情总是这样，一开始图新鲜，一味地结识一些不该结识的人，到后来就有不好的结果了。这并不是要阻止你。"最后她郑重地说。 "原来是这样，你们并不是不关心我的处境嘛。" "完全不是你想的那样，我为什么要关心你的处境呢？我是提醒你，我这样做是出于自己的考虑。你太夸大其词了。有时候，我的确关心你，可那也是为了妈妈，你不会明白这种事的。" 句了看见有一个人从屋角那边伸出头来张望，不由得很不自在。 "那是灰元，母亲叫他来的，他总是出其不意。现在你回去吧。" 他回到房里时，小贩灰元已经在进门处架了一张临时床，现在正在铺床，他的放火焙鱼的大篮子扔在床边，房里弥漫着鱼的气味。 "你不要担心，我只是晚上来您这里睡，白天我很忙。" 句了设想与灰元共度夜晚的情景，有一种新的东西在他心头悄悄地萌生，烦恼渐渐游离开去。灰元动作缓慢地铺着床，句了就站在那里幻想。 "你听得清隔壁在说些什么吗？"句了问灰元。 "还能有什么别的事呢？"灰元说话时眼珠藏在大而薄的眼皮下面。 "原来你们早就串通一气了呀。" "nonsense." 灰元走了好久，屋里的鱼腥味还是那么浓。句了记起七爷和福裕的房间里也是这种味道，他们之间的区别只在于那两个人是住在渔场里的养鱼人，灰元则是去大河里捕捞小鱼的小贩。现在这个沉默的小贩搬到他家中来了。他会不会和他一道去那边渔场呢？似乎会，又似乎不会，句了的幻想连绵不断。他的生活最近总是和鱼连在一起，鱼真是一种特别的动物啊。句了往钢丝床上坐下去，床垫硬硬的，麻布面子的枕头却又大又蓬松，他将它拿过来在手里掂了掂，枕芯"啪啪"作响，他又将鼻子凑近去，便闻见了火焙鱼的气味。原来枕芯里面是焦干的小火焙鱼！句了不禁哑然失笑，心想灰元这家伙真是别出心裁。恐怕就是睡着了，也在做着关于鱼的梦吧。不久前他还对他说渔场里那种地方最好少去，可见他对那边是十分熟悉的。沿着这条思路想下去，句了就觉得灰元和老婆子都是过来人，他们定居在街上辛苦地维持生活，因为早就洞悉了那边的秘密。 灰元回来时，句了已经入睡了。他没有开灯，轻轻摸摸地上了床。句了在朦胧中听到他的枕头发出"吱吱嘎嘎"的响声，也听到隔壁母女俩在黑暗里的低语，这两种声音夹杂在一起，使得句了怎么也进入不了深沉的梦乡，有好几次他都快醒了，却又怎么也醒不过来。那两种声音既干扰着他的睡眠又有催眠作用，他甚至清晰地听见了隔壁的谈话内容，那些内容涉及他本人最近的活动，他挣扎着想要醒过来时，谈话声忽又变得隐隐约约，他又被更大的瞌睡所征服。小贩夜里也似乎一刻都不得安宁，句了甚至在梦里对他枕头里的干鱼发出的响声找到了一个很好的比喻，他还想起了自己与鱼结下的不解之缘，在梦里感动得流了几滴泪呢。到他终于醒过来时，灰元已经不在那边床上了。 从窗口望出去，看见灰元正在走廊上补渔网，他垂着头，动作一点也不麻利。句了经过他身边到厨房里去的时候，他忽然开口了： "蛾子的妈快死了。" 句了回过头来，看见他还在若无其事地干活。 "我明明听到她们夜里在谈话，整整谈了一夜。你当然也听到了。" 灰元抬起头鄙视地看了他一眼，句了在他的目光下脸涨得通红。 灰元走了以后好久好久，句了还没有回过神来。奇怪的是他虽然夜里并没有怎么睡着，现在精神却很好。一直到他吃完早饭，蛾子才蓬着一头乱发怏怏地进厨房来。她的眼皮肿得厉害，动作也不如往常有生气，拖拖沓沓的，像个有病的人。她将盛了水的壶放到火上，就发痴地看着句了，心中似有千言万语要向他说。 "妈妈快不行了，因为哥哥昨天又做了不好的事，她伤透了心。" "你们昨天夜里说了一夜的话，我觉得她精神相当好嘛。" "那是妈妈在向我交待后事，因为只有我是她所信赖的。"蛾子说到这里眼里一下子放出自豪的光彩，把句了弄糊涂了。"对于我和哥哥，她倒没什么放心不下的，她说我们反正就是这个样子了，出不了什么大问题。她惟一放心不下的是你，所以整整一夜她都在和我谈论你的事，我们为你设计了一个又一个的方案，然后又一一推翻，妈妈在假设这些事当中变得十分活跃，说起话来就像小姑娘一样，那就是你认为她精神相当好的原因吧。可是我却知道她在消耗着自己，蜡烛快要烧完了。句了，你和我们做了多年的邻居，我要坦白告诉你，只有妈妈知道你的底细，包括连你自己都不知道的秘密。那些事，妈妈从不曾透露，所以我也一直在猜测。" 蛾子将开水灌进水瓶，提到房里去。句了就跟在她后面。她有很深的心事，步子无精打采的。开了门，句了看见老婆子精神很好地坐在床上，她上身穿着那件黑袍，被子盖在她腿上。句了想不通为什么蛾子要撒谎，为什么灰元也和她同样口径。 "你来得正好，"老婆子说道，将身子倾向前面，"我要向你交待些事，把你的手拿过来吧。" 句了朝她伸出手，老婆子一把握住，像怕他跑掉似的。句了感到那双手冷冰冰的，但十分有力，根本不像一个快死的人。蛾子他们为什么要搞这种恶作剧呢？老婆子抱住了句了的手之后，便目光炯炯地盯住他。句了从来没有这样被她看过，真是难堪死了，又由难堪而变为气恼，于是试图将自己的手抽回来，没想到老婆子的手竟如铁钳一般。 "灰元来了，你就用不着去那种地方了。昨夜渔场里刮了龙卷风，幸亏你在家里。一直到了黎明，风才渐渐地平息下来，那时候我的心脏出现停跳，我本来以为自己是无法恢复了，没想到又活过来。"她说。 "怎么会有龙卷风呢？您呆在家里没有外出，是不可能知道那种事的。也许是您的幻想。成天幻想着这种事，还不如去那边走一走。"句了鼓起勇气说。 "你这个流氓！"蛾子气得大骂起来，"你知道什么？什么都不知道！" "蛾子说得对，"老婆子平静地说，她的手似乎要从句了的手上松开，但又没有真的松开。"有些事，不可能知道的，焦虑也没有用。即使是我，也只能听得见龙卷风，这说明不了什么。至于灰元，又更透彻一点，可能因为他常年捕鱼的缘故吧。请相信一个垂死老人的话吧，你要搞清的一切，我和灰元早就放弃了，那种事并无什么价值，离本质还差得很远。从我在这里住了一辈子这一