Chapter 13 Novel: Crescent Moon (3) - Lao She

Thirty-three It is said that some women can earn a living romantically, but I lack the capital; so I don't have to think about it anymore.I have a deal.But my landlord won't let me live any longer, he's a respectable man.I moved without even looking at him, and moved back to the same two rooms my mom and new dad used to live in.The people here are not decent, but they are more sincere and lovely.Since I moved, my business has been very good.Even civilized people came.Civilized people know that I am selling and they are buying, so they are willing to come; in this way, they will not suffer losses, and they will not lose their status.When I first started, I was very scared because I was not yet twenty years old.After a few days, I was no longer afraid.They are like a pile of mud, so they feel that it has the upper hand, they are satisfied, and they do voluntary publicity for me.After working for a few months, I understand more things, almost every time I meet, I can tell what kind of person he is.Some are very rich, and such people always ask me about my net worth, indicating that they can afford me.He is also very jealous and always wants to take me in; he also wants to monopolize prostitutes because he is rich.I don't welcome such people.I am not afraid of his losing his temper. I told him that I could go to his door and report it to his wife.I studied in elementary school for several years, but it was not in vain, he couldn't scare me. "Education" works, I believe.Some people, when they come, hold a dollar in their hands, lest they be fooled.For this kind of person, I will explain the conditions to him in detail, and he will go home obediently to get the money, which is very interesting.The most hateful thing is the oil, not only refuses to spend money, but wants to take advantage of it. What kind of half a pack of cigarettes, what kind of small bottle of cream, they just take it.This kind of people should not be offended. They are very familiar on the ground. If they offend them, they will ask the patrolmen to make trouble for me.I didn't offend them, I fed them; I didn't deal with them one by one until I got to know the police officer.The world is a world of gobbling, and whoever is bad will take advantage.The most pitiful one is the one who looks like a student, with a dollar and dozens of coppers in his bag, jingling and sweating from his nose.I pity them, but I sell them as usual.What can I do! There are old men, they are all well-behaved people, or there are already many children and grandchildren in the family.I don't know what to do with them; but I know they have money and want to buy some happiness before they die, so I have to give them what they need.These experiences made me know "money" and "people".Money is more powerful than man, if man is a beast, money is the courage of the beast.

Thirty-four I found out that I was sick.This caused me so much pain that I felt that I no longer had to live.I rested, I went to the street; aimless, wandering.I want to see my mother, she will be able to give me some comfort, I imagine that I am a dying person.I went around the alley, hoping to see my mother; I remembered her blowing the bellows outside the door.The bun shop is closed.Inquire, no one knows where to move.This made me more determined, I must find my mother.I wandered the streets for days, to no avail.I suspect that she died, or moved to another place with the shopkeeper of the steamed bun shop, perhaps thousands of miles away.Thinking of this made me cry.I got dressed, put on makeup, and lay on the bed, waiting to die.I believe I will die soon.But I am not dead.There was another knock on the door, looking for me.Well, I serve him, and I pass on the disease to him as best I can.I don't feel sorry for anyone, it's not my fault at all.I'm happy again, I smoke, I drink, I seem to be thirty or forty years old.My eye circles are blue, my palms are hot, I don’t care anymore; you can only live if you have money, let’s eat enough first and then talk about other things.I eat well, who would eat bad food! I must give myself some good food and some good clothes, so that I can be a little more worthy of myself.

thirty five One morning, around ten o'clock, I was sitting in the house wearing a long robe, when I heard some footsteps in the yard.I get up at ten o'clock, and sometimes I don't want to put on my clothes until twelve o'clock. I am very lazy recently, and I can sit for an hour or two with a piece of clothing on.I couldn't think of anything, and I didn't want to think about anything, so I just sat alone.The sound of footsteps came towards my door, very softly and slowly.Soon, I saw a pair of eyes looking in through the little glass on the door.After looking at it for a while, I avoided it; I was too lazy to move, and I was still sitting there.After a while, the pair of eyes came again.I couldn't sit still anymore, I gently opened the door. "mom!"

Thirty-six How our mother and daughter got into the house, I can't tell.I don't really remember how long I cried.Mom is getting old.Her shopkeeper went back to her hometown without telling her and left secretly without leaving her any money.She sold those things, quit the house, and moved to a large courtyard.She has been looking for me for more than half a month.Finally, she thought of coming here, not expecting to find me, but just looking around, but she found me.She didn't dare to recognize me anymore, if I hadn't called her, she might have left again.After crying, I laughed like crazy: She found her daughter, and her daughter is already a prostitute! When she raised me, she had to be like that; now it’s my turn to raise her, and I have to be like that! Women’s occupations are hereditary , is specialized!

thirty-seven I hope my mother can give me some comfort.I know that comfort is just empty words, but I still hope it comes from my mother.Mothers tend to lie, and we call mothers' lies comforting.My mother forgot even this.She is frightened by hunger, and I don't blame her.She began to check my things, asking me about my income and expenses, and she didn't seem to be surprised by this kind of business at all.I told her that I was sick and hoped she would persuade me to rest for a few days.No; she just said to go out and buy me medicine. "Do we do this all the time?" I asked her.She said nothing.But on the other hand, she really wanted to protect me and love me.She cooks for me, asks me how I am, and often peeps at me, like a mother watching a sleeping child.It's just that she refused to say anything about it, that is, she told me not to do this job anymore.I knew very well in my heart—although I was a little dissatisfied with her—aside from doing this, I couldn't think of a second thing to do.Our mother and daughter have to eat and clothe-this determines everything.What mother and daughter are not mother and daughter, what is decent is not decent, money is ruthless.

thirty eight Mom wants to take care of me, but she has to listen and watch people ravage me.I want to treat her well, but I think she is annoying sometimes.She takes care of everything, especially money.Her eyes had lost the brilliance of her youth, but they still shone a little when she saw money.For the guests, she considers herself a servant, but when the guests give less money, she opens her mouth and scolds.This confuses me sometimes.That's right, isn't it for money if you do this? But it seems that those who do this don't need to scold others.Sometimes I treat people slowly, but I have my own way to make the guests feel anxious.Mom's method is too stupid, it is easy to offend people.For the sake of money, we should not offend people.My method may be because I am still young and naive; my mother is desperate to stand on the money, she should be like this, she is several years older than me.I'm afraid I will be like this in a few years, and people's hearts will also grow old, gradually getting old as hard as money.Yes, you're welcome, Mom.She sometimes snatched the wallets of guests, and sometimes left others' hats or valuable gloves and walking sticks.I was afraid of causing trouble, but my mother said it well: "If you can get one more, we will live on ten years as one year. Will anyone want us when we are seventy or eighty?" Sometimes, the guests are drunk, She took him out, asked him to sit down in a secluded place, and brought back his shoes.It's strange to say that this kind of person didn't come to ask for a debt. He thought he was already unknown, and he might have suffered a serious illness.Or after the incident, after thinking about it, it is inconvenient to make trouble again. We are not afraid of shame, they are afraid.

thirty-nine Mom was right: we live ten years as one.After working for two or three years, I felt that I had changed.My skin is rough, my lips are always burnt, and my eyes are gray and bloodshot.I woke up very late and felt that my energy was not enough.I feel this, the guests are not blind, and the number of regular customers is gradually decreasing.For strangers, I work harder to serve them, but I also hate them more. Sometimes I can't control my temper.I'm cranky, I'm talking nonsense, I'm not myself anymore.My mouth can't help the old nonsense, it seems to be used to it.In this way, those civilized people no longer take care of me much, because I have lost the figure and smell of "little birds and people"—their only poem.I have to learn from pheasants.I was dressed so impersonally that I could attract that uncivilized person.My mouth was wiped like a scoop of red blood. I bit them hard, and they felt happy.Sometimes I seem to have seen my death, take in a dollar, and I seem to be a little dead.Money prolongs life and my way of earning it is backfiring.I watched myself die, and I waited for myself to die.With this thought, all other thoughts stopped.No need to think about it, just live on day by day, my mother is my shadow, I wish I could become like her in the future, after selling meat all my life, all that is left is some white hair and wrinkled black skin.This is life.

forty I reluctantly laughed, reluctantly crazy, my pain cannot be relieved by shedding a few tears.There is nothing to regret about a life like mine, but it is a life after all, and I don't want to let it go.Besides, what I did was not my own fault.If death is terrible, it is only because life is lovely.I am by no means afraid of the pain of death. My pain has long surpassed death.I love to live, and I shouldn't live like this.I imagined an ideal life, like a dream; the dream passed away in a moment, and the actual life made me feel even more sad.This world is not a dream, it is real hell.My mother saw my sadness, and she advised me to get married.Get married, I will have food, and she can get a pension.I am her hope.who will i marry

forty one Because I have come into contact with so many men, I have completely forgotten what love is.What I love is myself, and when I can’t love myself anymore, why should I love others? But when I plan to get married, I have to pretend that I love him, that I am willing to be with him for the rest of my life.I've said this to several people, and sworn it; no one accepted it.Under the management of money, people are very shrewd.Whoring is worse than stealing, yes, stealing saves money.If I don't want money, everyone in custody will say they love me. Forty-two During this period, the police arrested me.The new officials in our city are very moral and want to clear the door.Official prostitutes still do business as usual, because they pay donations; those who pay donations are legitimate and moral.They arrested me and put me in a reformatory school, where I was taught to work.I can wash, make, cook, weave; if I could earn a living by these skills, I would have given up that drudgery long ago.When I told them this, they didn't believe me. They said I was worthless and immoral.They taught me about my job and told me I had to love my job.If I love to work, I will be able to support myself in the future, or marry someone.They are optimistic.I don't have that confidence.Their best achievement is that more than a dozen women have married through their probation.Those who come here to pick up women only need to spend two yuan for the handling fee and find a reliable insurance company.It's a bargain.From the man's point of view; as far as I can tell, it's a joke.I just don't feel that way.When a senior official came to inspect us, I spit on him.They still refused to let me go, I am a dangerous thing.But they refused to influence me any more.I changed places and went to prison.

forty three Prison is a good place, it convinces one of the inadequacy of man; never in my dreams have I seen such an ugly thing.Once I got in, I didn't want to get out, and in my experience the world isn't much better than here.I don't want to die, if I can find a better place if I go out from here; in fact, if this is not the case, it will be different if I die.Here, here, I saw my good friend, Crescent Moon again! It’s been a long time since I saw it! What is mom doing? I think of everything. Originally published April 1-August 15, 1935 "Guowen Weekly" Volume 12 Issues 12-14