Chapter 4 Chapter 1 The Green Years-2

The sunlight in Mangcheng becomes sharper in the evening.The dazzling and sharp sunlight seems to be able to tear the back of everyone in Mangcheng. And after that sharpness, they will disappear without a trace. Darkness came quickly. Perhaps, everything is like this, when it is about to disappear, it will suddenly become grand and violent. Or in other words, it doesn't want to disappear, doesn't want to leave. A city south I have always lived in the south of the city. I like where I live. Although the house is small and old, there is a small garden.It was full of cistus.I don't know who grew these cistus, they seem to have been there when I first moved here.

Every year when summer approaches, they bloom like crazy.Often after a heavy rain, the small white petals are scattered all over the place.The juice in the flowers is mixed with the rain, slowly evaporating the aftertaste of life in the air. They die so quickly and violently. Death is like a show.Life is a ignorant spectator. Usually, I live with my mother.Muma is not my mother, and I have no blood relationship with me.But, it seems that since I was born, she has taken care of me like a mother and is responsible for my three meals a day.She also scolds me when I am naughty.Around me, she has always played a role that is too maternal and strange.

My mother told me that my parents have been doing business in Southeast Asia. In a hot country, they are like gold diggers from a foreign land.So, they keep life open to many possibilities.They came back once when I was two years old.After that, I never came back.There have never been phone calls or letters.Just remit money on time every year. I also often wonder where they are now.Often after such a question with no answer, I fell asleep in the cool scent of cistus. cistus.I want to say cistus. Because of Cistus, I got to know Shen Yin. Shenyin is a prostitute in Mangcheng. In Mangcheng, she is a symbol of filth.However, there are still many men who like her.I like her face, like her thin as a line, slightly upturned eyes, like her natural arrogance, like her non-frivolous smile.

I like her indifferent and resolute expression in front of strange men naked. Shen Yin lived here before my mother and I moved here.She lives on the second floor.In the garden, I can occasionally see her drying clothes.And we never talk.Because, Mama warned me not to have anything to do with that whore upstairs.How dirty she is, how disgusting she is.When Mu's mother said her, there was a kind of disdainful contempt in her eyes.It seems that every woman in Mangcheng looks down on her, even despises her. Because Shen Yin is engaged in such an extremely humble occupation. In the evening after the thunderstorm, I sat in the garden and read a book.

The cistus had faded a little, and the brown soil was inlaid with broken flowers. At this time, I heard someone calling me, hello.kid. I raised my head in the direction of the sound, and I saw Shen Yin.She was wearing a white dress and her hair was loose.I was a little surprised that this was the first time she greeted me. Do you see what is moving there?She pointed to the cistus bushes in the garden. I looked at Cistus, raised my head in doubt, and shook my head at her. There it was, in the spider's web by the pole, something was moving.she said again. On the dense cistus, I saw an inconspicuous spider web, and a tiny yellow spider crawled on it.A butterfly was stuck on a spider web, wriggling with difficulty, looking very depressed.

Oh, it's a butterfly.a butterfly.I raised my head and said to the deep voice upstairs. Butterfly?Shen Yin called out.Get her off the spider web, will you? I nodded at her, then picked up a branch from the ground and fiddled with the cobweb.However, the butterfly no longer squirmed, her wings were a little stiff, and her body was still attached to the net.I touched her with a branch, but there was no response.Again, no response.Again, still no response.There has been no response. Oh, she died, the butterfly died.I dropped the branch and said to Shen Yin. died?Shen Yin's expression suddenly became very stiff.

She stopped talking and walked into the room. After a while, she came out again. Tell me, you say, is that a butterfly that dies in love? B city north I study in a school in the north of the city. When I came home from school, I often met Shen Yin. She often buys some flowers in the market in the north of the city.Every time I passed her on my bike, she would smile and say, Hey, kid.You take me for a ride. I usually nod honestly and move my schoolbag away from the back seat.She would jump up nimbly and sit on it.Holding a blue calla lily in her hand. Then, I staggered on my bicycle and left the north of the city.

She asked me, do you know what the flower language of cistus is? I shook my head doubtfully. The sap of cistus is poisonous, she said.The skin becomes red and swollen after a little touch. Therefore, the flower language of cistus is - rejection. reject?I have some doubts. That should be an extremely capricious and indifferent flower.Fortunately, I never touched cistus.Maybe it's because there are thorns on her branches.Perhaps, it is because she grew up in the soil of sinking.Perhaps, it was because of the always humid air around her.And these, I don't like. Many times, I am a child who longs for sunshine.

I don't like cloudy days, I don't like humid air, I don't like cold rejection. Those things remind me of my cold and untouchable childhood. A city south There is a river in the south of the city, and there are lush reeds on both sides of the river. If it rushes in, it will raise white reed flowers, which can hover in the air for a long time. Once in a while after school, I'll go there.Put the bicycle on the side of the river, and then lie alone in the reeds.close your eyes.Fell asleep in a trance. Can you dream?So, what will be in the dream? Will it be a river or a sea.Or, a gray road with no people and cold telephone poles on both sides.I took the compass and went straight down.It's just that there is no clear outline and end.

hello kid.hello what are you doing In the mist, I heard a deep voice.I opened my eyes in a trance, and there was a woman's blurred face in front of me.The sharp sunlight reflected from the gaps in the reeds, and the eyes hurt slightly. Hey, fell asleep.I rubbed my eyes and said. How can I sleep here?I came over when I saw your bicycle.Deep voice said. I stood up and got up.The crushed reeds made a crisp friction sound. do you come here oftenShen Yin asked me. Ok.I answered softly. I saw Shen Yin turn around, gently stroking the reed on her chest with her hands.Gently patted, the reed flower circled up.

There was a gust of wind and they flew high.It keeps flying upwards, as if it won't fall. They literally fly.Deep voice said. After that, Shen Yin and I often went there. I usually don't go home until the end of the dusk, and Shen Yin still sits behind the back seat, sometimes holding a broken reed in her hand.Along the way, my bike was still wobbly. We used to sit by the river or among the reeds.Shen Yin often tells me some jokes.Many times, I was surprised to find that I also laughed out loud.I would throw stones into the river unscrupulously, and I would curse loudly at the sky. At that time, Shen Yin said, recently, I felt a lot of pain in my heart.Sometimes, suddenly out of breath.She put her hand on her chest, and suddenly, she said to me in surprise, kid, listen, my heart is beating very fast. I lowered my head hesitantly, and slowly moved my face closer to her chest. I heard it, I heard the clear beating of a deep heart. Gudong, Gudong, Gudong Gudong Gudong Gudong. That should be the vibration of a butterfly flapping its wings. That quick flutter is the struggle of the butterfly. Shen Yin struggled under the body of the strange man. Deep Tone struggles with the stupid repertoire of human directors. Shen Yin was in so much pain. B city north You should always remember your childhood in the north of the city. Memories flow like tides. ——What came to my mind was the calm and insensitive face of my father when he was drunk and beat his mother. ——Father trampled the butterfly you kept in the box. ——The butterfly's wings were glued to pieces.Limbs and wings are mixed together and cannot be separated. ——The father thought that the mother's cooking was not good, so he hit the mother's head with chopsticks. And, and. ——That night when there was a heavy rain, your father came to your room after getting drunk, took off your clothes roughly, and wanted to rape you.He may be the first man in your life.You struggled tenaciously to break free and yelled desperately, but nothing worked. —You seem to see a light ahead.Bright blinding light.Butterflies are about to die without dignity in that light. ——However, the knife that mother stabbed father ended all this. —— Butterfly, broke away from the blood, but found that the blood left on the wings could no longer be washed off. Time is like a big fire, burning mercilessly in life. Ignore the helpless and pale faces of people. ——In the end, the mother was sentenced to life imprisonment for killing her father.In court, you saw your mother smile at you like never before, so relaxed.Both you and your mother have accepted it all. ——In the last side between you and your mother, your mother told you that no matter what, in what way, at what price, you must live.Must survive.You agreed to this humble request of your mother. —Mother on the night you left.Suicide in prison. A city south Photographer Eric arrived in Mangcheng on a certain day in the coming summer. The temperature is already a bit hot, and the sun is also very strong during the day. However, he found that the city always seemed to have a fog that could not be dispersed in the morning. They wrap the city in groups, wrapping the secrets of everyone in Mangcheng. When Eric was shooting in the south of the city, he happened to find roses growing inexplicably in many corners, as well as butterflies surrounding the roses.They have beautiful wings that give off a dazzling halo under the reflection of the sun. However, when he took pictures of them with the camera, he found that the beauty he really felt could not be found in the pictures. Perhaps, that kind of beauty has a special meaning, and any record is a kind of blasphemy. It can't be recorded at all, just like time. B city north Deep Sound said Eric compared her to a cistus.There is no reason. However, he was wrong.Deep voice said.Nothing is without reason.We have not kept the memory of the previous life, so everything in this life is a reason and a decision.It's just that some people, many people, don't know it. Eric is a nomadic photographer.He goes to different places and shoots different things.No one knows how many places he traveled before arriving in Mangcheng.And when he arrived in Mangcheng, he has been living in the north of the city.Next to the bar where Deep Sound worked, he opened a studio. Shen Yin didn't know that he was a photographer who traveled all over the world. Of course, Eric wouldn't know she was a whore. She walked into Eric's studio out of curiosity. The studio is small, with only two rooms, one used as a darkroom. After entering the door, Shen Yin accidentally found a photo left on the floor.The photos are full of flowers.Perhaps the sun was too strong, and a corner of the photo was completely exposed, leaving a tragic white.The outlines of the flowers are also blurred. what kind of flower is this?Shen Yin put the photo on his chest and asked Eric. Oh, I don't know too well and forgot where I got it.Eric answered truthfully. I wish it were cistus.Deep voice said. Cistus? yes.Cistus, a flower that will refuse. A city south I don't know if Shen Yin is in love with Eric. She left the bar where she worked and stopped working as a prostitute.She lived in Eric's studio, helped Eric take pictures, and did trivial work. Therefore, the shadow of deep tone white cannot be seen from the balcony above the garden. No one came to appreciate the flourishing cistus in this yard. However, in the south of the city, I met Shen Yin again. She wears very light eyeshadow, which is beautiful.Like a butterfly with fluttering silver wings. I stopped her, deep voice, deep voice. She turned her head, still with a familiar smile, hey, brat. I said, are you with that photographer? She said yes.I am now obsessed with taking pictures and we do it together. you love him, don't you? She suddenly laughed and patted my head.I'm not in love with anyone, little fool. I will not fall in love with anyone. It was a windy night when Shen Yin said this sentence for the first time. She lay naked on the man's bed again.However, this man is no longer a stranger to her.She is Eric, a man willing to take pictures of her. Eric said, your body is too beautiful.She should be photographed. I never took a picture of it.Shen Yin turned sideways and said to her. I want to take a picture of you, with black and white film.Did you know that only beautiful things can be expressed in black and white. In the middle of the night, he took her first photo of her. Her body is like an epiphyllum blooming in the middle of the night.Too gorgeous and too fragile.Will die before the sun comes. However, she is so beautiful.Like a butterfly in the dark.Although there is no light, you can still see the direction.It will flap its wings and arrive at a place full of warmth. She held the photo tightly in her hand, and suddenly, she turned to Eric and said. do you know?Here is a proof.A proof that I lived in this world. B city north Shen Yin has lived in the north of the city for nearly a month. She has always lived with Eric. Eric held Shen Yin's body in the middle of the night, and kept asking Shen Yin, do you love me?Do you love me? And Shen Yin's answer is always, no, I will not fall in love with anyone. Like a stubborn cistus, she keeps refusing.There is no reason. Or maybe there are too many wounds in my heart.They are all too ugly.So, afraid of those wounds being seen by others.Also afraid of being hurt by others.Because, oneself itself is too fragile. Eric left Mangcheng two months later.He can't stay here forever.It is impossible for his heart to belong here all the time. Shen Yin did not go with him. After he left, the only thing left to Shen Yin was the black and white photo of Shen Yin naked. He said, this is proof that you ever existed.Also, proof that I existed. A city south Shenyin returned to the south of the city. She started working as a prostitute again.Use your body to make money every day, feed yourself, and keep yourself alive. I could see Shen Yin's figure moving on the balcony again. Mom was very upset.He kept talking about how that shameless prostitute came back to live again.Why did I come back after being out for such a long time? She started cursing in a deep tone with her neighbors in the same corridor again. Like many middle-aged women, after Shen Yin passed by, she looked back with disdain and spit on the ground from time to time. Mother still warned me again and again, she forbade me to have contact with my deep voice.She was afraid that I would be addicted to a woman like Shen Yin.Although, in the eyes of her and Shen Yin, I am still a child, a brat. The cistus bloomed very well this summer for some reason. There are clusters of flowers, one pile after another, layer by layer.The air is filled with their cool taste.When the sun is at its sharpest at dusk, Shen Yin and I will watch this grand performance together. Day after day, cistus bloomed and withered, but always maintained a full and grand posture. I started to have some news about my parents.Mother said they had made a fortune in an island country in the Pacific Ocean, and they might take us there.And ready to start immigration procedures.I can finally live with my parents.Only, my childhood is over, and so are my days of needing love. B city north Mommy and I sat on the sofa and watched TV. According to the weather forecast, summer will start tomorrow.Temperatures will rise significantly, and recent torrential rains will also increase. I opened the door and walked into the yard, where cistus were still flourishing. I looked up, Shenyin wasn't on the balcony. Is she in the north of the city? On that summer night, a heavy rain suddenly hit Mangcheng. Strangely, the torrential rain lasted for a whole night. The next morning, when I opened the door to the yard, I was stunned. The cistus flowers have all been destroyed, and even the branches have been knocked down by the heavy rain.The garden was a mess.The white petals were mixed with the dirt, turning into a disgusting dull yellow. The grand performance ended hastily like this. Death came suddenly. A city south The next day's evening paper published a short social news: Last night, a woman was knocked down by a truck in the south of the city and was sent to the hospital where rescue efforts failed and she died. The woman clutched a blurry photo in her hand.It is said that picking it up caused him to collide with an oncoming passenger car. CEnding The cistus in the garden really didn't grow back. They may be completely dead. Mama never mentioned Shen Yin again. Perhaps, she knew, cistus would not bloom. Butterflies will not come.