Chapter 46 my neighbour

Mrs. M is the daughter of my colleague, she was also my student, and now she is my neighbor. The first time I saw her was at her father’s house—I first came to teach in a certain university that year, and visited several senior colleagues in the department as usual—her father introduced her to me proudly, saying: “ Mr. X, this is my eldest daughter, she is fifteen years old this year. She has good aptitude and is willing to read. She likes foreign literature the most. Please teach her." Mrs. M was then a little girl, thin and pale, with short thick braids hanging down her head.She is very shy when she talks, but she is very "sweet" when she smiles, and she uses her fingers to lift her glasses from time to time.

I chatted with her a little bit, and mentioned the English literature she had read, which surprised me a lot!For example: She has read most of Hardy's novels; she can also recite several long British poems from the 19th century... Her father was very happy to get a small paper and handed it to me. "Dewdrops" is a collection of short poems in the style of Bing Xin's "Stars" written by her, with about two hundred poems.I flipped through it a bit, and read one or two poems. I found the words and sentences very fresh and clean, like dewdrops on a spring morning. I praised her a few words, and her father laughed and said, "She still writes novels—you go and show that novel to Mr. X!"

She blushed and said, "Papa is always like this! I haven't finished writing yet." She opened the curtain and ran out, never to come in again.Her father smiled and said to me: "You see, she has lost all the rules she is used to! My children, that is, she is a little smarter, but unfortunately she is not in good health." A year later, she became my student again.The first-year university class is very large, and I don’t have many opportunities to get in touch with her, but from the literature classes she does, I can see that she has a great future for literary creation; out a lot.

Since then, because I have been an advisor to the publishing group of the student union, she is an important person in charge of the publishing group, and she often has the opportunity to talk.All the progress in the past few years has been very fast, and her articles have often appeared in literary journals outside the school. Her technology and ideas are relatively mature, and she has gradually emerged in the literary world. After graduating from college, she married a Mr. M. Mr. M is also a writer—they went to Nanjing after they got married. For seven or eight years, I didn't get any direct news.

One year after the Anti-Japanese War, I went to Kunming.My friends looked for an apartment for me. They said that there was a room above a professor M’s that could be rented out. The location was good, and it was very close to the school.We went together to see that Mrs. M turned out to be the daughter of my colleague; when we met, we were very happy.The house was small, and the light was not very good, but from the high windows, you could see the verdant West Mountain. There is also an old lady in the M family who has four children, one next to the other, and the youngest is only about two years old. Mrs. M is paler than before, and she looks old when she is thinner. She seems to be someone beyond thirty.

After the deal was made, I took some simple luggage and a small box of books, and lived upstairs in M's house.That night, I saw Mr. M. He was also thinner than before, and his temperament was even more irritable, as if he didn't like everything.He and his three older children ate supper under a dim kerosene lamp.The old lady was busy in the kitchen. Mrs. M was holding the youngest child in her arms, going in and out, serving food and meals for them, and no one spoke much.I'm at the dinner table.After barely sitting for a while, I went upstairs. After living here for less than half a month, I wanted to move out. This family is so disturbed and terribly gloomy!These children, I don't know whether it is because of lack of nutrition or other reasons, they often cry.The old lady is always nagging, and often complains to me that Mrs. M can't do anything. It was only when Mr. M came back at night that he suppressed the crying and complaining, but immediately downstairs reverberated with his voices scolding the child, blaming his wife, and being angry and worrying about the world.Their bedroom is right under mine, and the floor is broken, so they can't play bamboo shoots.I am always quiet by myself, but the voice downstairs is faintly rising. In the middle of the night, I can always hear chirping, "like crying and complaining", and sometimes I suddenly hear Mr. M throwing something hard. Shouting angrily, the children suddenly started crying, and I couldn't sleep for a long time!

On the morning when I wanted to move, I went downstairs and found that the house was quiet and there was no one there.I yelled and saw Mrs. M coming out of the kitchen with her hands shaking.She used the back of her hand to brush the messy hair that was blowing over her face, and asked, "Is Mr. X okay? They have all gone out." I knew that "they" were the old lady and Mr. M, so I asked: " What about the children?" She said, "They went out too, the breakfast wasn't ready, and the side dishes were gone, they said they were going out to eat something."

With trembling lips, she gave a sad smile and said, "I'm really useless. I haven't learned these things since I was a child. My mother always said: 'A garment worker costs a few cents, and a pair of leather shoes costs one or two dollars. Girls really don’t need to learn how to work these days. It’s more important to study to make money. I wanted to study at that time, and there was no school yet.” My father let me go, I hardly ever went into the kitchen at home... Look at me, I can't light a fire, and instead smoke all over the kitchen!" As he spoke, he wiped his eyes with the back of his black hand.

I've been here for a few days, and she hasn't said so many words to me.I saw her eyes were red and swollen, and her voice was hoarse. I knew she must have cried again, so I said: "Since they went out to eat, don't make a fire. You wash your hands quickly. I have some snacks upstairs and canned milk. You can eat them after washing them with water from the thermos. I will get them later." I walked upstairs without waiting for her answer. She stood by the stairs and stared at me with tears in her eyes. Mrs. M said nothing, lowered her head in a daze, adjusting the milk and eating a snack.

After a long time, I said: 'Kunming is so nice, the sky is always as blue as the sea! Do you remember Mrs. Browning's poem..." Just as he was speaking, there was a long whistle, and it screamed fiercely, and then there seemed to be whistles in all directions, and people were heard running outside the door. Mrs. M slammed Standing up, he said in a trembling voice, "This is an alarm! Where are the children? I also stood up quickly and said, "Don't be afraid, they must be nearby, waiting for me to find them." "We were walking out the door, and the old lady had brought her four children, crawling and falling to the door. It turned out that Mr. M said that there were still manuscripts in the school office. He went to rescue the manuscripts, but the old and little send home!

I helped Mrs. M pick up the two younger ones. Mrs. M looked at me and said in a panic: "Mr. X, let's hide for a while?" Randomly packed up some things, pulled up the child, and walked outside. Suddenly, the old lady came out of the house with a big blue cloth bag in her arms, angrily falling out step by step, and said, "Don't go, wait for me!"I looked up, and in the blue sky, white light flickered, and nine silver-gray planes, arranged in a very neat line, flew steadily.After a burst of machine gunfire, there were several bursts of loud noises, and the doors and windows vibrated.The child burst into tears with a wow, and the old lady collapsed by the door. At this time we were all crowded in the doorway, Mrs. M was pale, holding the children tightly, and whispered: "Don't be afraid, Mr. X is here!" I helped the old lady up and said, "It doesn't matter. It's over, the plane has already passed." Just as they were talking, there were voices on the street, and people poured out from the door of each house, speaking in panic. Mrs. M stood up, patted on her clothes, and led the child to the door.We stood and listened for a while, but there was no sound in the sky.I said, "Let's go in and have a rest, the enemy plane has already gone." Mrs. M nodded, and I helped her carry the child back to the house, and went upstairs by myself; just as I sat down, I heard Mr. M come back; As soon as he entered the door, he shouted loudly: "Okay, there's no more clean soil, and they'll be chased to Kunming! As soon as I took out my schoolbag, there was an explosion over there, these bastards!" From that day on, there were almost daily alarms. Mr. M always went out before the alarm and came back after the alarm was lifted, and complained that meals were not prepared early at home. Mrs. M said nothing, her eyes were swollen, she went in and out with her head bowed.Sometimes when she was in the kitchen in the morning and saw me go downstairs to slap my face, she would ask with a timid wry smile, "Mr. X isn't going out today, is he?" I always said: "I won't leave until it's time for class, just call me if you have something to do." The old lady refused to go out into the wild, fearing that the open air would be unsafe, so she always hid in an air-raid shelter by the city wall.Mrs. M and I took the children and ran outside the city.We chose a trench-like place under a big tree, with broken earth walls on three sides. The children got used to running away from the police, so they built a small mud tile house in the ditch, planted branches, and continued to work every day.The youngest one often sleeps on the mother's arm, and I sometimes take a book to read.If the noon warning is not lifted, we shall eat something dry in the fields. Sitting in the trench is boring, just chatting.From Mrs. M's fragmentary conversation, I guessed her many grievances.She never complained to anyone, not even to the unlovable children.She seldom mentions family matters, but from their clothes and food, I know they are very poor. Seeing her haggard day by day, I wanted to help her a little.Once I asked her if she would like to teach, or write a few articles, and get some royalties.The housework is taken care of by the old lady, and if you hire a servant, you can do it well. She doesn't like to do those chores, so why not "use her strengths"? Mrs. M sat cross-legged on the ground, hugging the baby, shaking it gently, and listening quietly. After a long time, she raised her head and said, "Mr. X, thank you for your concern. I have already thought about these things. Yes, when I first came here, I also taught, and the school is more satisfied with me than my husband." Speaking of this, she smiled, this is the first smile I have seen recently!She paused for a while and said: "For some reason, he objected to me going out to teach... The old lady also said that she couldn't handle those children, so I came back home. From now on, some friends and colleagues came Ask me to write a manuscript. Mr. X, you know that I like to write articles since I was a child, especially now, as soon as I pick up the pen, I am full of... all the things in my stomach, rushing out.Everything in front of my eyes is blurry, and I can escape a lot of reality in writing..." She lowered her head and played with the buttons on the child's lapel, sighed slightly, and said, "But the reality is still the reality, a child cries, a guest Come on, the old lady talks about things, the old mother asks questions, and my writing is often interrupted suddenly, and I can't pick up a pen for a long time.And——writing an article really requires peace of mind, although it doesn't necessarily have to be happy, and what about me now?Needless to say happiness, it is very difficult to be calm! "After writing two articles, my husband first discovered that writing articles to sell money is not worth the loss! The rate of increase in manuscript fees and salary increases is almost one-to-one ratio, not to mention the prices of clothes workers and shoes. Buying clothes for children is certainly a dream, and it is impossible to write a 5,000-word novel in exchange for a pair of small shoes. Without encouragement, there is no hope, and when writing articles only makes me sad and my family blames me, I put the female worker She was fired. In fact, she had to leave a long time ago—our family has little money, many children, and the Venerable Master has a bad temper. There is nothing that makes her miss her, unlike me... I can't leave! "I lit a fire, picked rice, washed vegetables, sewed shoes, mended socks, and my heart was as hollow and numb as a dead tree. Originally, during the Anti-Japanese War, who was at ease? It is not a human being who can be at ease; I do not seek ease, I believe that even though I have never learned housework, I can still do it with ease, and I am not afraid of doing it, there is happiness in working, as long as I can get a little comfort and warmth in my heart... …"I haven't said anything to anyone. I have suffered enough. Why should I add to the suffering of others in these difficult years? I don't say anything to my parents. My father wrote from the north, always It means: "The rich and bright scenery in the southern country, I don't know how much you have added to your poems. Why don't you send some short poems to Dad?" Recently, I don't know who reported the real situation here to them. letter came, saying: 'I didn't know it was like this in your place!The old lady can always help, right?If I had known this earlier, I shouldn't have let you read and write, I'd ruined my health, and I didn't know anything about housework. ' She complained to herself, and I read the letter, and my heart was pierced.It doesn’t matter that I am suffering, but it also makes my father disappointed for me and my mother sad for me. Mr. X, this is really what Cai Zhonglang said in "The Pipa" that "the article misled me, and I misunderstood my parents"! "She couldn't help pushing the child aside as she spoke, and covered her face with the skirt of her clothes and began to cry. The children may be used to seeing their mother's crying, and they stood there for a while, then slowly walked away and went to play. I Well, I don't know how to persuade her, and I also thought that she was desolate and depressed at home all day long, and letting her mourn unreservedly in this vast wilderness was a kind of vent, so I quietly walked aside... I really didn't want to live any longer, and the school was on summer vacation at that time. The air-raid shelter next to the city wall collapsed once, crushing many people, but the old lady M survived. I urged them to evacuate to the countryside.I myself moved far away to live in an ancestral hall in another village - there, I met another woman!