Chapter 45 my landlord

At noon on February 8, 1937, I arrived in Paris from Geneva.My friend Mr. L from the Chinese embassy in France came to pick me up at the station.He smiled and took my small suitcase, and we walked out of the station together.He said: "I have received your letter from Rome a long time ago. I have been working hard for you for two weeks on what you told me, and I only got an idea the day before yesterday. What a coincidence! I will tell you in detail during the meal." " L was also a bachelor, so we walked out of the station and had no “home” to return to. We hailed a car and went straight to the Beijing Hotel in the Latin Quarter.We picked a seat, sat down across from each other, and ordered the dishes. While wiping his chopsticks, L said, "Your conditions are too strict. How can you choose a house in such a way? The location is good, the landlord is good, the tenants are few, and the landlord must speak English! What about you, I have to work hard. Who knows that I happened to talk to our ambassador, and he introduced me to a lady who is a descendant of aristocrats and lives in the most quiet and noble aristocratic district - the seventh district.

I went to see her the day before yesterday, and I also looked at the house..." He scratched his head, and said with a smile: "It's really 'fate to meet from a thousand miles away', this lady is extremely beautiful, extremely smart, gentle and elegant, and a match You are a human being, and you will know it when you see it in a while. " I couldn't help laughing, and said: "I didn't entrust you to make coal, so why bother to say those 'destined' and 'matched' words! Let me tell you about the house." At this time, the dishes had arrived, and L called He raised his glass and said, "Please, let me tell you, this house is on the seventh floor, facing the avenue of Napoleon's funeral palace. It is beautiful and quiet, needless to say. There is only one landlord, and only You are a tenant! This lady hired a tenant to help with the expenses because her family has been in trouble recently. The rent and food are a little more expensive. I know that you are an uncle, and you don’t care about these things. Let’s go and see after dinner."

We chatted some more, we were full of wine and food, L would pay the bill, I picked up the suitcase and was about to leave. L stopped me, laughed and said: "Don't rush to carry the suitcase, now it's not a question of whether you want to live in that house, but a question of whether people want you as a tenant. Now they have moved all over the place, and when they turned around, they didn't agree with each other, and they were kicked out. It’s so boring! I’d better store it here and get it later when it’s settled.” I also obeyed him with a smile. A car drove across the wide and smooth street, rounded a corner, and stopped in front of a building.After entering the corridor and getting on the elevator, we stood by the door of the highest floor. L took off his hat and rang the bell. A very young maid came out to open the door. L smiled and asked, "Is Miss R at home? Please tell me that Mr. L from the Chinese embassy brought a guest to visit her. The maid smiled, took the film, and said, "Gentlemen, please sit in the living room." Then she led us in.

I was admiring the furnishings and colors of this living room and dining room, when I suddenly saw L standing up, and I quickly stood up too.An old woman with white hair walked in from the door. L introduced me with a smile: "This is the Mr. X I mentioned to you." Turning around, she said to me again, "This is Miss R." Mademoiselle R smiled and shook hands with me, and we sat down near the fireplace. While talking with L, Miss R kept looking at me, and I also looked at her.What a beauty she is!A head of soft and shiny white hair.She was wearing a silver-gray dress with a few small crimson flowers embroidered on the collar and sleeves.A white velvet scarf was draped over her shoulders.She has long eyebrows and beautiful eyes, a thin layer of makeup and a little lipstick on her face.I can hardly tell her age, her behavior looks like my mother in many ways!

Miss R chatted with me again, using extremely fluent English.Talking about London, talking about Rome, talking about Switzerland... When we talked about the sculptures in the Roman Museum and the paintings in the Florence Museum, she suddenly stopped and said with a smile: "Mr. X has just arrived, he must be tired, Anyway, there will be many opportunities for us to talk in the future, so let me show you your house first." She stood up to lead the way, and L smiled and whispered in my ear, "It's done." My room is just behind the living room, right next to the bathroom, and the windows are facing the street.The furnishings are simple but elegant, with a large desk near the window, a bottle of brown roses on the table, and a few pieces of stationery scattered here and there.On the opposite side is a bookshelf, the lower part is empty, and the upper part contains hardcover masterpieces of great writers from England, France and Germany.

There is a small table next to the bed, and there is a small table lamp, which is also a tea-red lampshade.In addition, there is a large wardrobe and a rocking chair. The room looks very bright and wide. We took a look around, and I said with a smile, "This room is really nice, it's perfect for my purpose..." Ms. R also laughed and said, "It's just that it's a bit quiet here, Mary's craftsmanship is not bad, and the food is also delicious. One day, if you want to go out for dinner, please tell her. Or if you want to invite one or two guests to eat at home, tell her in advance.

The clothes are washed every week..." As we spoke, we returned to the living room. L picked up his hat and said with a smile: "In this way, we have made a deal. I believe that you and the host will get along very well. Now let's go first. Mr. X will come back after dinner—he hasn't visited our ambassador yet!" We are very happy to walk side by side under the big tree and on the sidewalk. L took my arm and said with a smile: "My words are true, except that she is a little older! The ambassador said that by calculation, I am afraid that she is already in her sixties.She is a well-known novelist and often writes poetry.She is also very strict in choosing tenants, so her guest room is often vacant. She likes to rent it to "outsiders". I think she is attracting characters in novels that can be described. Maybe one day, you will be in her novels. appeared in! "I said with a smile: "I can get back this capital.I'm afraid that I am neither a child nor a hero, and I am not lucky enough to be in her writing. "

At midnight, I returned to my new house, washed and went to bed, the quilt was white and soft, I looked at the tea-red curtains, the tea-red lampshade, and under the faint shadow of the lights, I suddenly forgot the exhaustion of the journey. tired.I got up barefoot, and took a book of Goethe's poetry from the bookshelf to read. I don't know when, Mengbei fell asleep-until the next morning when the rain was light, Mary knocked on the door and brought hot water for shaving. woke up again. From then on I stayed at R's house.Breakfast is very simple, just bread, butter and coffee, and most of them are eaten at home by themselves.After breakfast, I sat in the living room and let Mary tidy up my room.When I first arrived in Paris, I went shopping and visited friends. I didn’t have much time to eat at home. I always went out in the morning and came back at midnight.Fortunately, I got a door key and went alone, so no one would be disturbed.Sometimes I gently push the door open in the cold night, only to feel the warm fragrance blowing my face, stepping on the thick soft carpet, and quietly walk back to my room, there are always letters and flowers on the table, sometimes there is hot coffee or tea, and a plate be careful.As I read the letter, I ate a snack and drank tea—those things always reminded me of my mother.

At lunch the next day, I saw Ms. R, and I was about to thank her for the "night snack" she had prepared for me, but she first smiled and said, "Mr. X, I should refund you the meal money for the past half month. At home!" I sat down with a smile and said, "From today onwards, I will go out less, and I have seen all the people and places I should see. Now I want to write some letters, read some books, and take care of myself." Quiet." Miss R said with a smile: "Don't forget your French, Mr. L told me that you want to practice French." Really, my French is so bad that I can guess the book, but no one can understand the words! Miss R suggested that we speak French while eating.As a result, the scope of our conversation was too wide. Whenever I spoke in French, I couldn't express my words. I thought about it with a smile, and stopped for a long time.The number of times was too many, and we all felt that it was inconvenient, so we laughed at the same time and said, "Forget it, it's so awkward!"

From then on I was only interested in talking and I forgot about French! The spring in Paris is quite cold, and we all like fires. After dinner, we often smoke and chat by the fire in Miss R's study.This study is the largest room in the whole house, the walls are full of bookshelves, and the bookshelves are full of literature books.On the mantelpiece were several oriental antiques.From her conversation, she knew that her father had been an ambassador to England—she had lived in England for fifteen years—and she had also served as the governor of the French Far East colony—she had lived in the Far East for eight years.She has three older brothers, all of whom are gone.Both nephews were also killed in the last European war.A niece, married, has two children, lives in the country.Her mother, whom she often referred to, is a frail and talented lady. From the photos, she looks like my mother especially.

Although I didn't learn French, I understood half of French literature and art.We often visit museums, visit historical sites, listen to operas, watch dances, buy paintings and calligraphy... She is a famous lady of the Parisian generation. It was ××× who was in Paris and accompanied a very beautiful French lady all day long, listening to operas and dancing.This rumor even reached the ears of my father in China, and he even wrote a letter from Peiping to ask.I wrote back and said: "Yes, it is true, but unfortunately I am not blessed. She was born 30 years later, and she is already an old girl over 60! Father, if you saw her, you would also be tempted. She is so old. Looks like a mother!" I could have gone to Berlin earlier, but I don’t want to go yet. I lived a very bright spring in Paris—on a cold spring morning, I received a letter from my third brother in China reporting their engagement.When having tea in the afternoon, I took their photos and letters to Miss R's study.I told her the good news, so I showed her the photos of my father, mother, and my second and fourth brothers in my wallet.As she watched, she praised a few words very politely, and suddenly said with a smile: "Mr. X, let me ask you something, don't you Orientals advocate that 'male colleges should be married, and female colleges should be married'? Why did you Not married, and you are still the eldest son?" I laughed, put away the photo, moved a Jindun, sat in front of the stove, picked up the copper bar, poked the fire, and said: "Ask me There are many people talking, and you are not the first. The reason is that my parents are very modern. They did not force me to get engaged or married when I was a child. When I grow up, I pick and choose, whether I am high or low, Forget it..." Ms. R stared at me and said, "Don't you think there is something missing in your life?" I said: "Well, it's hard to say. I didn't look for it at all. I think that marriage without love is not only meaningless, but also immoral. But when it comes to love, the problem is big. You can't look for it with a lantern! We in the East People believe in "long-term fate", and they are destined to meet thousands of miles away. What if there is no fate? Even if we meet, we will not be able to go to one place..." At this time, I suddenly remembered Mr. L's words, and I looked up at her, she was very natural Sitting in a big soft chair, she was wearing a light purple dress with a few violets on her chest.In the flickering firelight, the darkness outside the window made the corner of the fireside appear even more gentle and sweet... She was still looking at me with her coffee cup up.I went on to say, "To be honest, I haven't felt empty yet. Sometimes, single people are more comfortable, more peaceful, and more free... I don't think you are lacking anything, are you?" She gently put down the glass , Slightly smiled and said: "Well, I am a woman, that's another way of saying it..." As she spoke, she used her snow-white fingers to pick up her sideburns, and gently swept her ears behind her ears, and walked away from the chair. On the small table, I picked up the woolen work, and looked at me while weaving. I said, "I don't get it again, I always think that women are born to be family builders. Men are not so good, but women love children and family life. Why don't women have to get married? "Miss R looked at me and said very warmly and softly: "I am the most 'human' of 'humanity' and the most 'feminine' of 'female'. I would like to have a loving, gentle and considerate husband, I love children, and I like to have a perfect family .I know that if I had all this, I would happily disappear into it—but just because, I know myself too well, I don’t want to get married, and I haven’t been married yet!” I hugged my knees and looked at her.She smiled and said: "You think it's strange, let me tell you slowly - I have another problem, I like writing!" I quickly said: "I know, my French is too shallow, but our ambassador often writes. Speaking of your work, I have tried to read it, because you never mentioned it, so I dare not..." Ms. R stopped me and said: "You digress again, I mean a female writer, family Life isn't good for her." I said, "If she could—" She laughed at once: "If she's not well . . . I tell you, a man doesn't sacrifice anything when he marries. An unhealthy woman is married, has a career—if she has a career, health, housework, she must sacrifice one!If I were married, the first sacrifice would be my career, the second would be my health, and the third would be housework..." ——Writing here, I suddenly recalled a novel written by a female student of mine last year, called "Three Losses"-she bowed her head and knitting, saying: "I am a strong, face-saving, quiet person. , a person with a cleanliness habit; I am very delicate and considerate emotionally; these are my fatal injuries! For this character, others have put a lot of effort into it; I have to use all my energy. A family, in modern times, is really easier said than done. Back then, my mother, she was the wife of a diplomat, the wife of Governor Annan, and she had a lot of servants, but she... Her paintings, her Health, she didn't think about it at all. What she thinks about every day is her husband's career, her husband's health, the upbringing of her children, and the children's life... She has been busy for fifty years! So far I have picked up her sketches. , I feel sad. Well, my mother..." She stopped, seemed very excited, coughed twice, and said with a forced smile: "My mother's matter is really enough to write a novel. You have seen the British female writer, V. Sackville-West All Passion Spent, right?" I seemed to remember reading this book, so I nodded and said: "I have read it, it is really well written... But, Miss R, a married woman, at least she has love." She suddenly laughed loudly and said : "Love? This is the one thing I'm most uncertain about. The love that men and women understand in their hearts is fundamentally different. Let me tell you, a man lives for a career—God knows whether he's talking about a career or a career! A woman lives for love; a woman sacrifices everything for love, but a man says: 'Honey, I have to work harder in my career so that I can't live up to your love'!This is really a double gain of fame and fortune! "She laughed again as she spoke, with infinite coolness in her laughter. I dare not speak, I have never seen Miss R so excited, although I want to defend the man, and I think maybe I am not that kind of man. She seemed to see my mood, she said with a smile: "Before marriage, every man says he is an exception, and I believe they are not lying. But the relationship between husband and wife is the most delicate and nerve-wracking relationship." , and time is the most ruthless and practical thing. Once you become his bed-in-quilt, it will last forever... Oh! Forever and ever! Even the hardest and brightest diamonds will be ground into sand grains with dim brilliance , let alone a bloody human heart? Don't think that I am a person living in a romantic fantasy, I know everything thoroughly and clearly. A man's "career" is of course important. Of course, love should not abandon career. The concentration of love Of course it cannot be the same for life. But more practically, a woman is a woman after all, and she cannot support her tired mind and body with the ideal of marriage and the righteousness of life for the rest of her life. When she is the saddest, weakest, and most in need of sympathy and tenderness For an instant, if all she gets is indifferent words, absent-minded eyes, and even sharp sarcasm and reproaches, what do you think a woman would think? I have seen too much and heard too much. This They are all inseparable knots in married life! Just because I know and understand too well, when I decide to sacrifice, I have to weigh the weight! " She bent down, picked up a piece of wood, put it in the fire, and said, "My mother often looked at me with sad eyes and said: 'Theresa!You look at your body!If you are not married, who will look after you in the future? 'I didn't speak, I just looked at her, and my heart cried out to her:'Look at your body, your illness alone cannot withstand the illness of the five of us.Father's enteritis, relapsing fever...and all kinds of strange diseases of our brothers and sisters...Thirty years, isn't it enough for you? ' But I have no words after all. " She smiled slightly, and stared at the fire: "In short, I was not ugly when I was young. There have been times of soft-heartedness... but I have escaped them. I am too selfish to let go of this pen, because of this pen, I also want to maintain my health, so-"You said Am I missing love?Maybe, but there are still two or three men who love me now, and they all say that I am their only lifelong love.I don't deny this, but isn't it because we haven't been in one place?They were all married, of course, and I knew their gentle and capable wives.I sometimes go to their home to eat and drink tea, but I don't envy their family life!Their wives have also become my good friends, and sometimes complain to me about their husbands.While I was consoling them lightly, I was also thinking in my heart, if I had suffered these grievances myself, I might not have the courage to tell others!Sometimes after tea and wine, I also see these gentlemen frowning at their wives, and I will feel a shiver. If I become his wife, and he also frowns at me and gets tired of me, then I will be too tired. ..." I smiled, patted her knee very sincerely, and said, "If you were his wife, he wouldn't frown. I don't believe that there is any man in the world who is blessed to be your husband and who will frown on you and get tired of you. She shook her head with a smile, sighed slightly, and said, "Good boy, thank you, you speak well!" But you are too young to understand—for the past twenty or thirty years, I have lived by myself, a little bit lonely, but also comfortable. During these years, I have written more than a dozen novels, seven or eight poems, traveled to many places, and met many friends.My niece, who bears my name, is also named Delisa, God bless her!Little Teresa was a lively and healthy child who married in her twenties.She takes love as her career and marriage as her career.I am happy all day long, and there will never be any contradictions or conflicts in my heart.Her two children are also very similar to her.In summer, I often go to live in her house.When she went to the city, she often brought her children to visit me.After I die, all these books and antiques will belong to them.My body was sent to the National Hospital for an autopsy, and then cremated. The ashes were scattered in the Seine River, and my life was over..." I stood up and was about to speak when Mary came in softly, stood by the door, and said with her hands down, "Miss, dinner is ready." Miss R stood up with a smile as if surprised, and said, "Really, I forgot the time when I spoke, Mr. X, please." During the meal, she brought out the best champagne, and I also went to get the expensive British cigarettes sent by my friend in the embassy. We chatted happily without mentioning a word just now.Miss R's eloquence that night was particularly meaningful, and her cheeks flushed, which I thought was a sign of excitement and fatigue.Not long after the meal, I urged her to go to rest.I stood at the door of the living room blankly for a while, watching her slow and graceful back.She is so beautiful and so smart!It's a pity that she is too beautiful and too smart! I left Paris ten days later, and L escorted me to the station.In the car, I stood by the window until almost noon, and then came in and opened the basket that Miss R had prepared for me. Inside was a beautiful lunch, a bottle of good wine, and a paperback English novel called All Passion Spent. Within a month of my return to China, Peiping fell.I also got a letter from Miss R from the French embassy in Peking, just a few lines: Mr. ×: I heard that Peking was bombed, and I am always concerned about the safety of you and your family!Cheer up, a noble nation will eventually raise its head.Please let me know about your safety when you get a chance.I wrote a reply to your friend De Lisa, and I still entrusted the French embassy to forward it, but since then I have not communicated with you. Three years later, it was my turn to care about her. The German army occupied Paris. When I heard that Paris was short of fuel in the winter, and that only German officers could live in the house to receive coal, I hoped that she had escaped from this beautiful city. city.I can't imagine this quiet old girl, with a sad face, facing the fire in silence with the German officer! "Cheer up, a noble nation will always raise its head!" (This article was originally published on, Byline Man.)